I would like to make this short for your sake but I am sure it won't be. I am feeling very emotional right now. Wendy is my child and I react strongly to what is happening to her.
I don't know if her pain is "real" from a medical point of view but I do know it is "real" for Wendy, therefore it is "real" for me. Medical people are only human and there have been some serious human errors made by the medical profession. People can suffer from medical treatment even though it is being done with the best effort as possible.
These are areas I would be concerned about for Wendy as a result of her medical treatments. First, the effects and the results of the interaction of all the drugs she is on. Then, the side effects of the drugs not being lessened for Wendy. Also, going in and out of anesthetic and having brain cells rearranged when she is having ECT (electronic convulsive therapy) would have an effect on anyone. Dizziness is very understandable, but also a concern. Last but not least, when Wendy is being drugged or ECT'd to slow down and rest or sleep, this forced resting leaves Wendy in one position for a long time. This can cause limbs to be sore and muscles to stiffen up. Wendy should be getting treatment (warm baths etc.) and exercise and massages to help with these side effects, besides given the correct side effect medication for the effects of all the medications she is on.
I am sure this must all be hard for you and I think I understand what you are going through. Do you remember when I was there at Christmas and Wendy went into the hospital? Do you remember how silent I became and how irritated Wendy became about my reaction to her hospitalizing herself? Wendy knows that when she becomes manic I feel so helpless. It is a struggle for her to not become manic, but for her safety, she and I know when she becomes manic the best place for her is in the hospital. Along with that safety comes letting go of control about what happens to her. She has to let go and I have to let go. That is very hard for anyone to do. It is especially hard for a Mom to not be able to help or not be in a protective position about their child.
This episode will be over. It will come to an end. How everyone will be at the end of it is yet to be known. Thinking of what Wendy's brain and body are going through right now brings tears to my eyes. I would give my life for her if it would help but I know staying strong is the best thing for me to do for Wendy.
Life can seem cruel. I don't pretend to understand everything that happens. I just know that things will happen and the best thing I can do is make the most of them. There is always a bright side to everything. Some times we just don't see it. If we don't see a bright side to something then it has been a useless event. Find something good about what is happening for Wendy and you right now. Are you growing in anyway because of this? Have you come to understand Wendy in a positive way because of this? I think you have become more responsible because of this episode.
If out of all the pain and suffering we can find one bright thing when unfortunate things happen then there is a positive side to it all. This gives a forward motion to the event. It is important to get a much out of life as possible. That means moving forward, learning, growing, connecting and never taking anything for granted.
I will try to talk with Wendy today. They have not advised that I talk with her all week. This has been hard for me, but I understand. You should do whatever you have to for yourself so you stay well. Again, Thank you for being there for Wendy.
Please feel free to show this email to Wendy and the staff or Doctors.
Love,
(my Mom)