Change of Heart (POV 18/20)

~~~~~

WORF

I peered over the padd that I was reading from and looked at Jadzia. She was scampering about, cleaning. A subtle smile appeared on my face, "Tongo game tonight?" I asked her.

"What?" she asked, I'd clearly startled her.

"You are cleaning. You only do that when you are about to go play Tongo."

Dax blushed, "I've been busted."

"May I watch?"

"Watch me clean?"

"Watch you play Tongo."

She frowned, "*You * want to watch?"

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"No, no," she was really surprised, "It's just, you always made it clear that you hated Tongo."

I stood, "I wish to come, if you do not mind."

She smiled that beautiful Jadzia Dax smile, "Come on, the game starts any minute."

~~~~~

I stood on the upper level of Quark's bar and I looked down on the game. Jadzia was the only other non-Ferengi  Quark would have it no other way. The game was very fast paced, and Jadzia was making me proud. Yes, she was losing, but she did it so well. As I was watching, I could hear footsteps against the metal stairs  it was Chief O'Brien, "Chief," I greeted him.

"Thought I'd watch for a while," he said, "It gets kind of lonely in my quarters at night."

"You miss your family," I stated.

"*Miss* is n understatement. But with the war, this place just isn't safe for children. And finding time to go see them is difficult."

"At least your family is well. Many have lost loved ones," my attention turned back to the game, "She has him" I said, referring to Dax.

"She's down 50 strips," Miles pointed out.

"Not for long."

"What makes you so sure?"

I spoke matter- of- factly, as if I knew what I was talking about, "Jadzia is playing a very deep game. Her strategy will become apparent any moment now."

"I see..." Miles looked down at the large Tongo wheel again, "You have absolutely no idea how this game is played, do you?"

"No," I admitted, "But I have developed a new appreciation for Tongo."

"Since when?"

"Since I married a Tongo player. But one thing I am certain about, she will defeat the Ferengi bartender."

Miles disagreed. We decided to bet on the outcome. I did not care about Quark's 206 game winning streak, my faith was in Jadzia. One bottle of scotch whiskey against one bottle of blood wine. The game continued. Quark confronted Jadzia, and she put forth a *very* impressive hand. I thought she'd won, until Quark showed a full consordian  *he* was the winner.

"207. A single malt, preferably something from the highlands." O'Brien said triumphantly.

"I will need some time."

"Oh, your credit is good," he smiled, and I left to go sit with my wife.

She took one look at me, "Did you lose a bet?"

I took Quark's seat next to her, "It is of no consequence,"

Dax shook her head, "I'm sorry about that," her hands enveloped mine.

"I would rather lose a bet on you than win on someone else."

That brought a smile to her lips, and she wrapped her arms around me, "Oooo, good response."

We kissed for a moment, "Are you ready to go home?" I asked her.

"Yes, I've embarrassed myself enough here. Come on, let's go."

We left the bar  the lights on the promenade had been dimmed for the night. Jadzia leaned her head on my shoulder as we walked, "You know, everything seems so peaceful right now. It's so quite and calm. I know a warrior like *you* doesn't appreciate peace--"

"Yes I do," I interjected, "Without peace, what, then, is war?"

She laughed, "Only you would look at it that way."

JADZIA

It was late when we got home from the Tongo game. We'd both already eaten dinner, so I didn't suggest it. This wifely role was growing on me faster than I thought it would. I really enjoyed it. We'd established a nightly ritual, it was quite cute actually. It gave us an orderly moment together before we went to bed. With the war raging, quality time alone was rare. I could remember a time not too long ago, when I could count on having lunch with him on any given day. He and I used to work out together each morning at 0730 before duty. Now, our schedules were filled with unannounced battle drills and strategy meetings. There was very little time for newlyweds to enjoy married bliss.

Tonight, we silently dressed for bed. I could remember a time when silence between us was awkward, but now it was... filled. Filled with gazes, smiles and unspoken feelings. I put on my purple chemise, it was my (and Worf's) favorite. I'd taken it with me to Risa on that fateful trip last year. After I was dressed, I sat at my dressing table and took a long look at myself in the mirror. Then, I began to brush my hair.

In the mirror, I could see Worf approaching the shrine he'd set up next to our bed, "Are you still running that drill tomorrow afternoon.?" I asked him.

He lit his candles, "I was planning to, why?"

"Because I wanted to recalibrate the external sensors before the night watch comes on duty."

He knelt before it, and opened the small doors, revealing a small figure of Kahless, "We should be done by 1600 hours."

"Oh, I think that will work..." I paused, "Oh, the Sutherland is going to be here the day after tomorrow and-" I turned to face him, but noticed that he was already in prayer. I smiled, he was probably thanking Kahless for his honor, his success, his family, and for me, his wife. And just when I was about to ask his opinion on a party for next Monday...

As he kneeled in meditation, I quickly and quietly stood and tipped over to our bed. It had been a long time since we'd simply had "fun" together. As I slipped my chemise over my head, I decided that tonight, the war would be far away.

Worf stood, opened his eyes and blew out his candles, "You were saying?" he asked.

"Nothing." Just as he turned to face me, I tossed the purple material over to him, and it landed right on his head. I could tell he was surprised, but pleased. He slowly removed my clothing from his face, wearing a coy smile. "I don't feel like talking anymore," I said playfully. I sat there, covered in nothing but our furry blanket. His smiled widened as he approached our bed. I opened my arms to him, and invited him in with a loving kiss. Yes, tonight the war would be far, far away.

~~~~

The next morning, Kira woke us early and called us into Ben's office. She had an assignment for us. We were to travel into Cardassian space to rendezvous with Lesaran, a Cardassian working for Starfleet, and bring him to DS9. I was rather excited, Worf and I were being assigned to a mission alone together. We worked so well together, I knew this would be a breeze. Just the other day, Ben complimented us on how we manage to keep our personal lives out of our work. That's more Worf's doing than mine, but, I took the credit anyway.

After we'd gotten underway and settled in the runabout, I sat back in my seat, "So, did you remember to bring your findings?"

"Yes," Worf said, "Did you?"

"Of course I did. Let me see."

Worf produced a padd and handed it to me. I took one glance at it and handed it back, "No."

"No?"

"No, I'm not going to spend two weeks hiking across Vulcan's forge in the middle of *their* summer."

"I thought you always wanted to see the forge," Worf replied.

"See it, yes, honeymoon there no."

"Well, there is a mountain climbing expedition on Andor that caught my attention--"

I rolled my eyes, "Worf, my love, let me make this *very* clear. I do not want to spend my honeymoon climbing, hiking, sweating, bleeding or *suffering* in any way.

"All right, what do you want?" he asked.

"Room service."

"Room service?"

"Room service, I want to be pampered. I want a staff to cater to our every whim. I want to be embarrassed by the size of our room. I want a balcony with a view that would make you want to break down and cry from the sheer beauty of it all. And I *don't* want to spend one moment of our honeymoon suffering from anything accept guilt about our complete self endulgence."

Worf was stroking his forehead, and his face looked pained, "Risa."

Oh no. No, Worf and I wouldn't be going back there together as long as we lived, "Not this time," I produced my own padd and showed it to Worf, "Welcome to Casperia Prime, the vacation capital of the Hovarian cluster."

I passed it to him. He took one glance at the detailed itinerary I had planned and spoke, "You have been planning this all along."

"Well, it seemed fair. You did plan the wedding."

Then, my husband surprised me. No, he *shocked* me, "Very well, room service."

My eyes widened, "Really?"

"Really."

I was beaming, "Oh, that was easy."

"Did you want to fight over it?" Worf asked with a teasing air in his voice.

"No, it's just, I didn't expect you to surrender so quickly."

"Surrender?"

"Bad word."

"*Very * bad."

"Okay... But, you have to admit, you've been unusually accomodating lately."

"What is wrong with that?" he sounded offended.

"Nothing it's just... unusal. Are you feeling all right?"

"I am a married man," he began, "I have to make certain, adjustments, in my lifestyle."

"Adjustments? Worf, you're practically easy going, what's next, Worf, a sense of humor?"

"I have a sense of humor! On the Enterprise I was considered quite amusing."

"That must have been one dull ship," I said.

"That is a joke!" he exclaimed triumphantly, "I get it. It is not *funny* but I get it."

This was amazing, I couldn't believe I was talking to *my* husband, "I don't know if I can get used to the *new you*. It's kind of eerie."

"You're problem is," Worf announced, "You cannot accept change."

"*I* can't accept change!"

"That is correct."

"You've got to be kidding, I've changed bodies six times Worf."

"Yes, but you are still very set in your ways."

"And look who's talking..."

"Well," Worf began, "I do not have to sleep on the same side of the bed every night, or brush my hair exactly fifty strokes every night, or eat the same thing for breakfast every day, or read the last page of a book before the begining, or--"

I cut him off, "I get the point. I don't know *how* you can live with someone so monotonous."

"It is not easy."

I frowned.

"*That* was a joke."

"This is going to be a very, *very* long trip."

Worf smiled at me.

"Maybe you're right," I admitted.

"I am."

"Yeah, well, you know Worf, if you make* too* many 'adjustments,' I might not recognize you as the man I fell in love with."

He titled his head, "Now *you* have a point."

It was my turn to smile.

~~~~

The only thing I didn't like about the runabout portion of our trip was sleeping. We had to take turns, and, of course, Worf insisted I go first. So I kissed him, and went to my cot in the back. I had a hard time falling asleep, though. Over the past two months I'd gotten quite used to having him next to me. Even when we went away on the Defiant, we cramped ourselves together in one of the small crew quarters.

I thought back to our conversation when we first borded the runabout earlier today. I was *really* looking forward to our honeymoon on Casperia Prime, though neither of us knew when we'd be able to take it. I smiled inwardly, the way he "surrendered" to my idea amazed me. It was obvious  he really was trying to be accomodating, I'd noticed it on other occaisions as well. He really is happy, and that makes me happy. Everyday that passes, I have more and more faith in our marriage. Not that I didn't have it before, but it just gets stronger and stronger.

I stood from the cot and left the rear cabin. Worf sat quietly at the helm. I snuck up from behind and slid my arms around his shoulders. He jumped a little, "Jadzia, you should be--"

"Oh, you're always telling me what I *should* be doing."

"You should get as much rest as possible. Once we arrive at the planet, who knows what we will face."

"We'll be fine, and besides, I *can't* sleep. I'm too anxious. You go lie down, I'll take over."

Worf nodded, "As you wish." I honestly wasn't expecting him to go, but he did. He'd only get about three hours of sleep before we reached the asteroid belt. And then the real fun would begin.

WORF

Jadzia quite expertly navigated us through the asteroid belt. I knew to turn the controls over to her, she is the best pilot that I know. And I do not just say that as her husband. She landed the runabout far from the planet's main settlement so as not to be detected by the Dominion sensor net. It would take quite awhile to reach the rendezvous point, so Dax and I would be able to take the grueling trip I suggested after all. We would have to hike through a dense jungle for many kilometers without a map.

The first thing we did when we landed was penetrate the sensor net. We had to mask our life signs so that Jem'Hadar patrollers would not be able to track us. Once again, Jadzia showed her expertise as she skillfully penetrated the net. When she wasn't looking, I smiled at her. I was truly proud to be joined to her.

We mostly walked in silence, we knew if we were too loud, we might call undue attention. I went ahead, cutting a path through the foliage for her as we went.

"Worf!" I quickly looked behind me. Jadzia had fallen to the ground.

"What is it?"

She was clutching her ankle, "I think something bit me."

I was on my knees instantly, "It really hurts!" she exclaimed helplessly.

"You have to let me see it..." Reluctantly, she obeyed. I lifted her pant leg, and she winced, "I am sorry," I said, "Yes, it is definitely a bite. A snake, I presume."

"It hurts, give me something!" She could be so demanding sometimes. I took the pack off of my back and rummaged through it for the med kit. Jadzia started shaking her leg anxiously, "C'mon, Worf, hurry. It feel like it' going to fall off!"

I eyed the black and blue bruise, "No, I do not think it will."

As I pressed the hypospray to her neck, I smiled, "What are you smiling at?" she asked, sounding extremely annoyed.

I brushed a stray hair from her sweaty face, "You are very pretty when you're frustrated and upset."

Dax frowned at me, "Just get the dermal reginerator."

I gave a hearty laugh, "Yes ma'am." The instrument gave a low hum as it nuetralized the snake's venom and healed her wound.

"Are you done yet?"

"No, but almost."

She hit my arm, "Well go faster, it's starting to hurt again."

I looked up at her, "You have been very cranky for the past few hours."

"I'm tired and it's too *hot*," she was sweating much more than I, and she had already taken off her jacket.

"Well," I smirked. "You could take off more of your clothes."

"I'm sure you'd like that."

"It would give me something nice to look at, and make the time go fatser."

She actually smiled, "And it would give me more places to get bitten."

"How does it feel now?"

Jadzia looked down at her ankle, "Better. Not great, but better."

"I did my best."

"Why don't we rest for awhile? I could use a break, and I'm hungry."

"Very well," I said. I opened my pack and removed enough rations for both of us. She propped her leg up on mine as we ate. Her mood was getting better  the pain must have ceased. We sat shaded from the hot jungle sun for over and hour simply talking. It had been so long since I had her to myself like this.

In fact, it was hard to believe that I had her at *all*. Me, the lonely warrior, married to the most beautiful woman on DS9. I could not count the times I had heard, "You're married to *Dax*. You're one lucky man..." It used to bother me that she was admired by so many other men. Now, it was somewhat of a point of pride.

Not to say that Jadzia is merely a showpeice. Her sensual beauty and flirty attitude were not what drew me to her (though they *did* help). It was *her*. Her power, her strength, her fearless courage, her honor and devotion--

"Deep in thought?"

She startled me, "What?"

Dax stroked my hair, "What were you thinking about?"

I gazed at her for a moment, "About how we need to get moving."

"Yes, we have been lounging for a long while now."

"We are losing time," I stood, back in command mode, "We will have to make up for it."

"Yes sir," she saluted me. I took her hand to help her stand  she said she felt fine. Dax walked on ahead of me, and I watched her figure disappear into the lush jungle foliage. I could hear her rustling through the trees, but could no longer see her.

JADZIA

Worf and I hiked through the jungle until it was so dark that we couldn't see. We could not risk using wrist lights, the Jem'Hadar would be able to detect those too easily. So, not long after sunset (which was simply *gorgeous*) Worf and I found an area to spend the night. We would resume in the morning.

"We should sleep in shifts," he stated, "Without the use of the tricorders, the Jem'Hadar can sneak up on us easily, and if we are both asleep, we will be easy targets."

"You're probably right. I guess I have to keep reminding myself that we're here to work, and not on a romantic getaway."

He raised an eyebrow, "You find suffering in the jungle romantic?"

I smiled, "Maybe you're rubbing off on me." Worf went to set up the heat generator, and I layed our sleeping bags out. I glanced up and saw him shiver.

Without hesitating, I took one of the covers over to him and draped it around his shoulders. He looked up at me  I knew he was about to object. "Oh, let's not stand on pride, shall we?" I said, "Trills don't like the heat and Klingons don't like the cold. There's no shame in admitting it."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," I sat behind him, pressing my body close to his and stroking his hair, "So, how are you enjoying your honeymoon? Are you suffering enough?"

"Almost."

"Is there anything I can get for you?"

"More pain. Less cold."

I laughed quietly, "I don't know why that's funny, but it is."

We heard an animalistic howl fromm deep in the jungle that sent shivers through me. Worf eyes perked up. "Mating call?" I asked him.

Worf nodded, "500 meters, that way," he motioned with his head. A few moments later, we heard a second howl, obviously a response to the first.

"That didn't take long."

"Less than 300 meters."

We listened to the animals as they came together, and I sighed peacefully, "Another happy couple," Right then, I felt more content that I had in longer than I could remember. I pressed myself even closer to him.

"When I was a boy," he began slowly, "My father would take my brother and me on camping trips into the Ural mountains. Every night, we would listen to the wolves howling in the distance. Nikolai was afraid of them, but I would lie awake in my tent for hours just listening. I remember being seized by the urge to just rip off my clothes and run into the night and live in forest the to become something... wild."

I loved that about him, that passionate, raw, carnal nature that he had. He kept it buried under the surface, but every now and then, it showed itself, and it was amazingly arousing. If only we weren't here on duty...

Suddenly, the animals shrieked, and it startled us. "He must have been rejected, he's moving away," I said. They shrieked again, "She's not happy."

Worf's face was very attentive, his senses were much keener than my own. He knew exaclty what was happening. He looked around nervously.

"What? They're getting farther away, aren't they?"

"Yes..." he said, "But it is because something is coming. And it is close."

He jumped up and I followed suit. I wasn't sure what was going on, or what Worf sensed, but I knew to trust his instincts. I gathered the sleeping bags and hurled them into a shallow pit beneath us. We jumped in on top of them and Worf passed me my phasor.

We sat poised, and seconds later, a group of Jem'Hadar came into view. They all looked the same, and they moved around so much that it was hard to keep count of how many, but I assumed it to be about 2 or 3. I made the first shot. Our blasts from nowhere startled the warriors, but it didn't take long for them to react. Immediately, our makeshift defense was bombarded by disrupter blasts. I was thinking, moving and acting quickly  we were both in total battle mode. I took down one solider, then Worf took down another.

It happened so fast I could barely believe it. I didn't see the third soldier, but he saw me. With a clean shot, his disrupter blast made contact with my body. I clutched my ribcage and drew in a choked gasp, the pain was a thousand times worse than the snake bite. Worf, who was standing, looked over to me. He said my name aloud and I could see the horror in his face. I could barely speak, nothing but strained sobs came from my mouth. He quickly pressed the same hypo from earlier against my neck, and I breathed out in relief. Faster than I expected, the pain began to subside.

"Lie still."

"Oh, I think I can do that."

Worf scanned me with his tricorder.

"The good news first?" I asked.

He let out a relieved breath, "No vital organs were damaged."

"And now that bad news?"

"The disrupter burst left an anti- coagulant in your system."

"So you can't stop the bleeding?"

"No."

"Well," I said, the pain was almost gone, "I must not have taken the whole burst, I'm not hemoraging that badly yet. Just keep me pumped full of pain killers, and let's be on our way."

"Moving could make the bleeding worse."

Oh boy, here we go, Overprotective Worf, "Staying isn't an option. Someone is going to come looking for them when they don't check in. And I'd rather take my chances on foot. Ready?"

He didn't look too convinced, but that was to be expected, "You ready?" I asked again.

"Ready,"he finally said.

"Let's go."

WORF

My whole body felt numb. As we walked through the darkness of night, Jadzia kept trying to make conversation, but I was not respsonsive. She had been shot. She was strong, as long as I administered an hourly pain killer. It seemed that the disrupter blast effected me more than her.

I felt responsible. No, I *was* responsible. I am the commanding officer on this mission, and even more than that, I am her husband. It is my job to make sure that nothing like this happens. And it did. We still had a lot of terrain to cover, and she might be okay now, but how long would that last?

We walked the whole night to get as far away from those dead Jem'Hadar as we could. At dawn, I allowed her to stop and sleep a few hours. She told me to do the same, but of course, I did not. I could not let my guard down, not once again. Besides, I wanted to watch her. Her blood pressure was dropping, and I knew she'd only get worse until we got back to the runabout.

After she awoke and ate, we continued our journey. I noticed that she was a lot weaker than she was the night before. Jadzia insisted that she was fine, but she moved a lot slower, and we took more breaks. Even though she'd been wounded, Jadzia insisted on making jokes about it. I expressed the fact that my neglegence, my *joking* was the reason she'd been shot. She didn't like that at all, and told me it wasn't my fault. I refused to hear her side, and silenced her angrily.

That made her mad. We spent the next several hours in silence, Jadzia would refuse my help with an angry grunt every time I offered it. She was far too weak to be acting so childishly. But I knew if I said that to her, she'd only get madder.

"Dax..."

"What?" she snapped.

"I apologize. I should not have yelled at you back there. I am just a little frustrated."

She stopped walking and looked back at me, "I understand. But, I'm going to be fine, Worf. I know, I'm not as strong as I was yesterday, but I'm still able to walk."

I nodded.

"Now come one, let's keep going."

~~~~

The sun was setting. We still had three kilometers, and then we would rest for the night. Jadzia was much worse. She was bleeding even more, and with every step, I could hear her give a pained gasp. I hoped that sleeping the night would give her more energy, but I honestly did not think it would help. What she needed, I could not give her here.

I turned around to help Jadzia step over a fallen tree trunk. She leaned heavily on my arm, and gasped with every movement. As soon as she stepped over, she sank to the ground. I sat with her.

"A hypo..." she said breathlessly. I administered the drug, "There, good as new," she replied.

Her bandage was soaked with blood, "I have to change your dressing again," I told her.

"That's four bandages in two hours. That got to be some kind of record. Oh, sorry, the new rules. Nothing funny. Got to be serious. Life and death. We've got a job to do."

I sighed, "Jadzia, I know you are tried. But we have to cover three kilometers before nightfall. Can you do it?"

"As long as you've got those pain killers, I'll follow you through the gates of hell," she saluted me, "Sir."

Even in the worst situations, Jadzia could find a way to amuse me.

"Oh, that was almost a smile," she said.

"When this mission is over, I will smile all you want."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

My promise made her happy, "Then let's finish this mission, and get out of here."

I put my arms around her to help her stand, but her body wobbled as if she had no legs at all, "That's all right, I can stand. Just help me get my balance, she said, "Just help me balance."

It was clear that she would *not* be getting her balance, "Or maybe not," she sank to the ground again, moaning in pain as she did. She was worse than I thought. I took out the medical tricorder to find out her exact condition, "Let me guess," she said, "Things aren't looking up."

"There been another drop in your blood pressure, and your neural EDL readings are erratic."

"So what's your prescription, doc?"

"Surgery. At a starbase."

"Can I get a second opinion?" Jadzia tried to laugh, but this time her jokes did not sound hopeful. I could tell by her voice that she was afraid.

I looked at her for a moment. Perhaps if took her pack, or if I left both packs here and carried her...

"Worf," she began, "You have to go on without me. And I know that. I understand."

"My duty requires that I complete the mission regardless of my personal feelings."

"Absolutely. You're a Starfleet Officer. So am I. And I understand."

"The information Lasaran has could be potentially invaluable to the war effort..."

"You don't have to explain to me. I'm hurt, you're not. And there's a job to be done."

"I will be back tomorrow night," I said to her.

"Don't worry," her voice was somber, "I'm not going anywhere."

"I can have you in the stasis chamber on the runabout in 45 hours."

"No problem," she whispered.

"I will leave the medkit. Scan yourself with the tricorder every half hour. The plasma hypospray will be set--"

She cut me off, "I took basic first aid, I know what I have to do."

We were both quiet. I forced myself not to think too much about what I was doing, otherwise, I would not be able to go through with it. And I *had* to.

"Worf... it's been a great two months, hasn't it?"

I smiled at her, "Yes."

She returned my smile warmly, "Jadzia, I just want to tell you how--"

Dax's fingers pressed against my lips, "Just kiss me and go."

Her cold hands held my face as we kissed for a moment. I did not want to leave her, I wanted to hold her and make everything perfect. But I could not. I passed her the phasor rifle and left. As I walked away, I could hear her crying.

My legs moved automatically, I was running, trying to get to Lasaran as fast as I could. 45 hours. She would be fine, she *had* to be fine. 45 hours was almost two days...

My heart beat fast and hard. I knew if I did not slow down, I would tire easily  jungle terrain was not simple to traverse. But I could *not* slow down.

*To this day, no one can oppose the beating of two Klingon hearts.*

No, I cannot think about that, not now. At that very moment, it seemed my heart would beat right out of my chest. I stopped, the pounding was ringing in my ears.

*To this day, no one can oppose the beating of two Klingon hearts.*

That's it. Duty to be damned, I hurled my mek'tleh into a nearby tree to mark where I had been, and I headed back for my wife.

When I got back to her, she was unconscious. Could she be dead already? I pressed my fingers to her neck. There was a pulse, it was faint, but it was there. With one quick swoop, I put her over my shoulder and headed back for the runabout. I didn't stop to rest once until I got there. I put her body in the stasis chamber and headed for DS9.

~~~~

When we docked, I had her beamed directly to the infirmary. I stayed there the whole time, I wanted to be there when she awoke. While I was waiting for her to come out of surgery, Captain Sisko came to see me. He first asked about Dax's condition, then he talked to me.

I knew he was not happy about my decision, but he made it clear that he understood. Captain Sisko told me that Lasaran had been killed when he tried to re- enter the settlement. He also told me what would happen to me as a result. Honestly, I did not care if he dissmissed me from the fleet, I stood by my decision, and I let him know that.

Sisko left the infirmary, and moments later Doctor Bashir came to get me. He told me that Jadzia would recover fully, thanks to me. I went in to see her. I did not dare wake her, I pulled up a chair and sat with her. I held her hand and watched her sleep.

After about a half hour, Jadzia stirred. Her hand gently moved in mine and I sat forward. Her eyes fluttered open, and I smiled down on her, "Hey, I know you."

"We have met."

"Oh, you're joking again," her voice was very quiet and strained, "That's a good sign. Did you make the rendezvous?"

"No. I could not leave you there. Not for Lasaran, not for the mission, not for anything else," I spoke as softly as I could.

"Lasaran?"

"Dead."

She frowned, "Are you in trouble?"

"I have been in trouble before.

"I'm sorry, I should have kept going, I--"

"You have nothing to be sorry about."

"I know how much your career means to you," she replied.

"*You* come first. Before career, before duty, before anything. I do not regret what I did. And I would do it again."

"I don't know what to say."

"You could say thank you for saving my life."

Dax smiled up at me, "Thank you for saving my life."

"And you could say, I would do the same for you Worf."

"Well, I would have to think about that. My career is very important to me."

"And you could say I love you."

Her eyes showed such emotion, "I love you."

"And I love you," I softly kissed her head and gazed into her eyes. Many Starfleet officers debate over what choice they would make  Duty to the Federation, or duty to a spouce. I used to think that I would choise Starfleet no matter what. Now I knew. Nothing comes before what I have with Jadzia. Nothing

JADZIA

Julian must have sensed that my husband and I were enjoying one another. He came into the surgical room where we were.

"I hate to interrupt--"

Yeah, right.

"--But she really needs her rest."

Worf stood up, "When can she come home?" he asked Bashir, though his gaze remained fixed on me.

"Well," Bashir stepped further into the room, "I would say tomorrow, but, I know how anxious she is to get out of here, and I know you'll make sure she doesn't over exert herself."

"Of course," Worf said firmly.

"I'm going to run further tests  she should be ready to go by 2030 tonight."

Worf nodded, "I will be back," he gently said to me.

"You'd better."

That made him smile.

"Oh, and those smiles you promised me... I expect to see them as often as I want."

"As you wish."

Worf turned away from me and headed for the door. I saw Julian pull him aside. I assumed he was going to give Worf some bad news about my condition, but he didn't:

"I know I probably shouldn't be saying this, but, I'm glad you did what you did. If she were my wife, I would have as well."

I saw Worf graciously nod, "Thank you, Doctor," he took one last glance at me, and left.

"Well," Julian came over to the side of my bed, "I must say, you have a very good husband  he loves you a lot."

"I'm surprised to hear you say that, Julian," my voice ws still a little strained.

"Why would you say a thing like that? Don't answer that. I have a lot of respect for your husband."

"You have a lot of *fear* of my husband."

He laughed, "I must admit, while I was in there operating on you, I knew that if I made one mistake, Worf would kill me with his bare hands."

"He would have-- regardless of the consequences. That's why I love him."

I could feel my chest swell with pride at that moment. Julian started scanning me again. Worf was amazing, he risked everything for me, no matter what.

It didn't take long, though, for my pride to turn to guilt. I wondered what his punishment would be. A court martial, no doubt. Then what? Imprisonment was the usual punishment for such a blatant and devastating act of insubordination.

My husband, in *prison*? He'd never last  I would have to plead with him to convince him not to take his own life. And his Starfleet career would be over. He once told me that Startfleet was all he had, and I knew that to be true.

"What's going to happen to Worf?" I asked.

"Honestly, I don't know. And you don't need to worry about that right now. You need to focus on your health."

"How can I not worry?"

"*Try*."

Bashir was no help. I needed to talk to Ben. Maybe there was something he could do. If I asked him, he might--

"And I am not calling Captain Sisko in here. You are not to have any more visitors until I release you."

"I never did like you, Julian," I pouted.

He laughed, "I know Dax. Believe me, I know."

~~~~

I fell asleep easily that night. Worf's heart beat loudly, and the steady rhythm lulled me to sleep. He held me tightly, almost *too* tightly, but, I didn't complain. I knew he had been afraid for me, and fear was not something my husband was used to.

Later that night, I awoke to silence. There was no resounding heartbeat coursing from his body to mine. My eyes fluttered open.

"Worf..." My voice was sluggish, I could barely see in the darkness of our room.

"I am here," his deep rich voice sent shivers through me. I looked around and saw his large silhouette shadowing by the window.

"What are you doing over there?"

"Thinking... I did not mean to disturb you."

"You didn't... I just missed you."

I could almost *see* his smile, "I would have missed you more if..." the smile faded, and his tone dropped. I knew where that sentence was going.

"I know. Did I say thank you?"

"Yes, yes you did."

I was silent a moment, "Come sit down."

Worf obeyed  quietly walking to the bed and sliding his legs under our furry blanket.

"I need to know..." I began.

"Yes?"

"What' s going to happen... to you I mean? Starfleet's not going to let you get away with this, I know."

"No," he began slowly, "They are not."

My heart sank, "A court martial," I stated," Then they'll send you to New Zealand for who knows how long..."

Worf smiled. His large powerful arms eased my head onto his chest, "No, Jadzia. Nothing that severe. No court martial."

"What?"

"According to Captain Sisko, a court martial would expose too much of our operations. No court martial, no prison."

"That's wonderful!" I kissed his face.

"As I said, I am not getting away with this, though."

I swallowed hard, "What *will* happen?"

"You and I will never again be able to serve alone together."

I was quiet a moment. That I could live with. I didn't *like* it, but I could live with it, "Okay..."

"And I will never get my own comission."

The silence was heavy. I was speechless, there was a huge lump in my throat. Worf's expression wasn't what I expected at all. It wasn't somber, it was almost... hopeful?

"Worf," I said sadly, stroking his face with my hand, "I am so sorry, I know how much you wanted that-- having your own ship meant so much to you--"

Worf took my hands and enveloped them in his, "You still do not understand, all of that, all of this--" he motioned to the possesions in our room, "This all pales in comaprison to you. You are my wife, that is all that matters."

"All right," I whispered.

"Please do not worry, Jadzia."

"I won't I promise."

Worf seemed content with that, even though I wasn't. How could I not worry or be concerned?

But, what was done was done. He'd gotten off easily, and I knew that. I hated to think that he would never be the captain he wanted to be. I drew in a shaky breath.

"Jadzia..." he said calmly, "I am fine with this. Really."

"I'm not," I whispered, "But, it could be worse."

"Yes  you could be dead."

"You know, I'm begining to think you love me." I said.

"I thought I made that clear," he drew me to him again, "Now, I promised Doctor Bashir that you would rest, and I do not break promises."

I smiled, "I will."

"Good."

"Good night, Worf."

"Good night."

~The End~ (July 5, 1998)

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