Hello and welcome back! This issue was actually written in September of 2005, in an attempt to address the fact that I had missing months in my series. I hate to waste space, so here goes!
In this issue we will be discussing the issue of wanting particular things and not having them. There are things we want which we actually could reasonably have in our lifetime, and then there are things that we realize will probably elude us for the rest of our life. We don�t want to give up hoping that we can have them, but it is that very process of hope that seems to degrade our well-being.
I�ve said before that people do not want things per se, but rather the feeling they predict they will get when they have that thing in their possession. This is a fine distinction perhaps, but an important one. For those people who could be described as the most materialistic, the price and value of the things that can bring them feelings of comfort and security is just higher than it might be for others. But feelings of comfort may waiver, or fall to pieces altogether, despite having a particular thing. But, having given up on any other means of finding peace and comfort, we return to the thing again until it has lost its magical value to us.
The "thing itself can also be a person, a particular job or job title, a particular career or any other set of circumstances. People we are attracted to can be the most enticing things imaginable, due to the complex feelings that people can evoke in us.
So, in a sense, materialism is not really materialism, but rather a fixation on one particular means of acquiring particular feelings, to the exclusion of all other means. The assumption that other means are valueless in acquiring the desired feeling(s) may come from some past experience of disappointment or just a general skepticism or fear of less material means of acquisition.
The feelings we seek to acquire are in turn themselves seen as a means to an even more abstract idea of whom we should be and how our lives should look. This applies to everyone, not just the materialistic. The truth, however, is that all means to an end eventually fail at some point. A prayer isn�t answered or a technique fails to work when we are tired or depressed. A house becomes a burden, a job becomes a bore, a partner becomes an enemy and our status feels hollow and fake. At these frightening moments we have to question everything we believe in and our fundamental framework of security is shattered.
We recover, in time, and bounce back, but do we ever really answer the question we had in that moment of panic? Did we really regain our security or are we too afraid to be truthful with ourselves and admit that we will never be secure while we are alive?
When I was in college, I would go into a particular state of consciousness that would help me to, when the circumstances were right, get together with my friends and have fun. Back then, I saw internal states of mind and external states of being as being connected but separate. The particular state of mind I cultivated seemed to attract a particular set of circumstances.
But, I had problems fine tuning this state due to my not understanding that state of mind and �external� state of being are both completely internal, but even more importantly, they are one single thing. If I had known that, I would have been able to add a great deal of fine-tuning to that state.
The wanting/feeling/having split is meaningless when examined more closely. The state of wanting something is part of the state of having it, and visa versa. The satisfaction of having and the pain of wanting and not having are all part of the same internal process.
The experience of wanting something in order to have the feeling you associate with having that thing is itself symbolic. By definition, to be separate from happiness is to be unhappy. Then, of course, you set out to �get� happiness through some means, in this case through getting a feeling that will make you happy. But, then, of course the happiness will not last. Being separate from you, it can be taken away. The thing you covet can be lost, but even more painful would be the thing�s inability to elicit the desired feeling in you anymore.
The toxic relationship of person with desire and the steps taken to fulfill that desire is based on the fundamental unhappiness of the person themselves. Their �personhood� is broken and miserable, lacking the fundamental happiness of just being. It is through this divorce of self and happiness that the search for happiness begins.
Ultimately, the person will see that the search for happiness is fruitless. No feeling, in and of itself, can make you happy. Being wealthy, having �class� or associating with certain circles of people cannot make you happy forever. Happiness is not for sale. Being "in love" or feeling a particular desireable emotion is also a potential source of pain. Happiness is a legitimate state of consciousness that can only be produced by a certain degree of self-awareness.
If happiness is lost, then searching for it in any external form is a statement that suggests that reality is external rather than internal (made of one's own consciousness). Because the truth is that it is not, pursuing it externally is an effort made in fiction; or perhaps more accurately, it is an effort to make fiction work as well as Truth. Like some sort of epic snipe hunt, we end up where we began, empty handed but wiser for it. Now we must examine what went wrong internally and fix it.
To identify with happiness is to identify with the Truth, to some degree. That is to say, you have to make peace with the Truth/God before you can be happy in a lasting way. Our experiences in the illusion of the physical world are simply forays into an inhospitable wilderness with nothing to offer us but pain. We have some positive experiences, but there is nothing here that did not exist previously in Spirit, prior to its creation. Spirit is the fountainhead state, not the physical. We are already Spirit beings, but we are rummaging through the filthy trash in a landfill, thinking we will find some treasure. We will fail.
When we have exhausted our search for happiness in the �physical world,� we have also exhausted our desire to try to find anything of value in physical experience. We will ultimately realize that the physical world offers us nothing that did not exist already in Spirit. We have been denied nothing that could have existed if the Truth was not true, and the physical is proof of that. Once convinced, we will return to Spirit reassured that we can move forward in our Spirit experience and never look back in doubt, wondering if we missed something. We can once again own our fundamental happiness.
This begs the question; what if we �get it� while still in the physical? The answer is that we will get it to various degrees, but some portion of us will remain unconvinced. That portion may ultimately be very small. Once that portion is gone, and all desire to search the physical for fulfillment has been extinguished, our physical life will be over, either through death or through a direct step into Spirit.
But what can the �convinced� portion of your psyche do in the mean time? Spirit is not a place outside yourself or a plane of existence meant for when you die. It is literally an internal state of consciousness. As such, it can actually be engaged in this world but also be in Spirit, while the remaining portions of unresolved consciousness remain. But, we won't see Spirit as our environment until all traces of "physical" consciousness are disengaged from, because by definition, "physical" conscious disallows the existance of Spirit. It is disbelief made flesh.
All that is needed is for you to state, �Speaking for all the portions of my mind that would rather be in Spirit right now, I want to be in Spirit as an internal state right now.� The experience will draw your mind into a state of peace and happiness to the degree that it is honestly ready to engage in being in Spirit. The remaining unconvinced portions of consciousness will remain in a physical state of consciousness.
So what happens at this point? You will need to restate this occasionally, or you will forget that Spirit is an option for you right now and you will fall back into physical consciousness. The physical can seem like a place of torture, but the positive aspect of its message is just as important. The message is not only that the physical is negative, but that Spirit contains everything that you wanted while searching in the physical state of consciousness. Spirit is internal and forever. Spirit is your true state of being, so the transition to it is natural.
Don�t be dismayed if you are not completely at peace and happy in this new state. Any degree of consciousness that continues to engage in attachment to physical consciousness will suffer, and that suffering will affect your whole being. But, it is a better feeling and a step up towards real joy. When you have a chance to compare, you will definitely choose it over the alternative. Give yourself time to come to come to the same conclusion.
