title: New: Past, Present, Future author: Melissa Beirnes email:angelgal_255@hotmail.com from: angelgal_255@hotmail.com date started: July 9, 2002 date finished: July 9, 2002 category: DRR, Doggett/Reyes romance rating: PG-13 spoilers: Existence summary: a decision had to be made keywords: DRR, Doggett/Reyes romance, Reyes POV feedback: yes, please! archive: sure, just please inform me if you do disclaimer: yep, I own these characters, along with Bugs Bunny, Pee Wee Herman and Roger Rabbit. Actually, I own nothing, CC and 20th Century Fox own Doggett and Reyes. So don't sue. author's note: as this is my first fic, please be gentle in your judgment. Remember, I'm just a 15 year old so don't expect this to be perfect. Thanks. "Past, Present, Future" John Doggett's House 11:00 pm "You know you don't have to do this Mon," John told me. I was leaning on his shoulder, trying to get more comfortable. And closer to John without looking obvious as usual. My back hurt from the long drive to Georgia with Agent Scully. Of course, I was still a little shaken up from our encounter with the "super soldiers." I had no clue how Scully could live this way. But, it's not my place to judge now is it. "Of course I'm sure. I've never been more sure. This is like a once in a millennium chance for me. I'd be stupid to give it up," I reassured him. I did want to join the X-Files but I was also nervous. Could I turn out like Scully, having to give birth in some remote location so that my baby would be safe. Not that I'm planning to have any kids in the near future but just the same. I don't know if I could live like that, with my life in constant danger. "Please don't do this just because of me. I don't want you to ruin your career just 'cause I asked you to help me," John told me, shifting a bit so that I laid down on his couch, my head in his lap. He was always a gentleman. That's one of the reasons why I loved him. But I'm I joining the X-Files solely to be with John or because I really to. Well, I did want to. It had been a dream of mine for a long time. Since like I joined the FBI in 1994. I had tried to get on them once, back in 1998 but some other agents got the job, not Mulder and Scully. Although they did get reassigned to them later. I had always thought that the X-Files would be a good place for me. With my strange feelings, I would be perfect. But, then, I also knew, deep down in my heart, that if I joined the X-Files, it would more be because of John. I would bet that he knew this too, deep down in his heart like me. Would he ever admit it? Doubtful. That was John. He was always so reserved. Never showed anyone what he was feeling, expect once. One time. On the night we found Luke. The day that we found Luke, I felt liking I was going to break into a million pieces. I had only met the kid a few times, me and his dad had been having a sort of affair. Not that it mattered at the time. Luke had been such a sweet kid, he didn't deserve to die so young. I'm always sorry that I didn't know him better. That night, John let me hold him. He was so upset, his kid was dead, he couldn't turn to his own wife for comfort. I think that's the night that I told myself that I loved John. Not that I told him, it wasn't the right moment. I held him on my bed in my small apartment in New York. He broke down. He started telling me all these stories about Luke, some that I had heard and some that I hadn't, like the time Luke fell off his bike and wouldn't talk to John for 3 days he was so mad. He cried and I held him, tried to help him. I had helped John undress and we slept together in the same bed, but did nothing. The next morning he was gone. That's when I decided to leave New York. I had done what the FBI told you to never do, I caught personal. I told everyone it was because I had broken up with Brad Follmer and that I couldn't stand to be around him. I told that to John but I think he knew the truth, or at least part of it. That I couldn't stay with him. I had to get away. We stayed in touch, me and John. I helped him get accepted to the FBI. I helped him during his divorce. Him and Barbara had been on the breaking point for years. I think Luke's death and John's joining the FBI helped speed it up. I also think she knew about me and John. Not that she ever said anything but I kind of got that feeling. John was really upset about the divorce. I'm not sure that it was because he didn't want it, but that it more so signaled the end of his life as he knew it was over. He came and stayed with me for a week. It was fun. He had had a chance to deal with Luke's death. Although he wasn't over it, he had began to deal with it. He was a lot happier than the last time that I had seen him. I think it was more for my benefit. I know he still was grieving so I didn't push him to get over it and move on. He needed time, how much time I didn't know. We kept it touch, emailing and calling each other almost daily. We saw each other on holidays or when we could get a way. I'm sure all my friends and family thought that we were lovers but at that point we weren't. Sure, some times we would kiss and on the occasion, sleep together. But we were mostly friends. I think that's how John needed and wanted it. I was okay with it. I didn't love it but it was better than nothing. When he got assigned to the X-Files, I was so surprised. He had told me he had be assigned to work on the missing person class of Fox Mulder. I had thought that was because he was a good agent not because they were going to assign him to the X-Files. He told me about his first meeting with Scully, how she had thrown water in John's face. I thought it was quite funny, John however did not. He didn't want to be on the X-Files, he ever told me that. But he took it anyway, thinking it would only be temporarily. He thought they would find Mulder and than he could go back to climbing the ladder to the director's chair. We weren't able to keep so well in touch but we still tried as hard as we could. When the abductees started showing up, he called me and asked for my help. He wanted a sound reason for what had happened to these people. I'm a ritual and satanic crime expert. I met him with Scully and AD Skinner. They did not like my reasoning. John thought my theory was good, he didn't like being told that aliens were real. Hell, I wasn't to sure of what to think of Scully. We found Mulder, but dead. Mulder was actually alive and okay. I'm not sure how but he was. I asked to his help on a case that involved John's son. I couldn't bring up the pain again to John but he found out anyway. I'm not sure about the case anymore, anymore than I was before. Now I'm sitting, well, actually laying on John's lap on his couch. What lead me here, helping John out. He needed someone to go with Scully to a remote location to give birth to her baby. Never mind that I had no birthing experience and no idea what I was getting myself into. But I went to DC and drove Agent Scully to Georgia and helped her give birth, surrounded by these "supersoldiers." Now I'm in deep, whether I like it or not. Which brings us to the current topic at hand. I'm sure that I want to join the X-Files. Risk my career, reputation, not to mention life, for this. I guess that comes down to what my heart tells me to do, not my brain. So I follow my heart. "John, I want to join the X-Files," I said. There, that ended that or so I thought. "But are you...," John started but I cut him off. "Yes," I stated in my voice that he knew could not be argued with. "Okay then. Come to bed Mon," John said. He pushed me up off his lap and stood. He stretched and yawned a bit. He extended his hand towards me. As I took it, I said, "Alright." As he lead me to up his stairs and to his bedroom, I knew I had made the right decision. We had a past but also a future to look forwards to. And if that was on the X-Files, working together, than so be it. I loved him and would do just about anything for him. But now, was not a time to think about what had happened in the past or what might happen in the future. Now was a time of the present, with no past or future weighing them down.