Title:  Letting Go
by agent myers
Rating:  A strong R, for sexual situations
Keywords:  DRR
Summary:  He wanted to show her the love he felt
inside.  So much love that he had never truly shown
her.
Spoilers:  "Release"
Disclaimer:  They're not mine.  Duh.
Feedback:  I live for it.  tred2@yahoo.com
Archive:  Just ask me.  All individuals and archives
that I have previously given permission to are welcome
to it.
Author's Notes:  At the end.
Recommended listening:  "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain,
"Tears In Heaven" by Eric Clapton


~~


Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival; you're my living proof
My love is alive and not dead

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life


~~







It was more beautiful than any day he could ever
remember.  The waves crashed along the shoreline
rhythmically, the gulls sang their happy songs high in
the air.  There were darker clouds rolling in; rain
was coming, but not just yet.  He stared at the waves
from the front seat of Monica's 4x4, and clutched the
box in his hands.

He was heartbroken, but it was different now.
Finally, it was over.  Really over.  The man that
killed his son was dead, the pieces of the puzzle all
fit perfectly into place.  It wasn't a mystery that
would keep him awake at night, to torment him day
after day.  Although he missed his child more than he
ever had in his life, he felt free.  He looked over at
Monica.

There was sympathy in her eyes...understanding.  It
occurred to him how she had been there through this
whole ordeal, and he wanted to tell her just how much
he loved her for it.  But now wasn't the time.  Now
was the time for reflection.  For remembrance.  He
reached out and took her hand, and returned his gaze
to the crashing sea.

He didn't stop the tears as they came.  He didn't hide
them from her.

Monica stared out of her windshield at the waves, and
took a deep breath of the salty air.  She didn't quite
know what to say at that moment, if there were
anything to say.  She wanted to hold John, to share in
his pain, but she couldn't.  It wasn't possible for
her to know just how the moment felt to him, how it
felt to say goodbye to his son.  It was something he
had to do alone.  Finally, John quietly spoke:

"I'm ready to go."

She looked over at him.  Tears lingered in her eyes,
too.  She started the engine, and began to drive away.
 John watched the shore until it went out of sight.
He looked up to meet Monica's gaze.

"Are you alright?"

He took in a deep breath, and let it out slowly before
answering her.  "I'm...yeah.  I'm okay."  Monica
turned her attention back to the road, but felt John's
grip on her hand tighten.

"Thanks...for being there with me today."

She turned her head and gave him a bittersweet smile.
"I wouldn't have had it any other way."  And John
smiled softly at her.  She turned her eyes back to the
road ahead of them.

"Stay over tonight?" John asked her.

Monica nodded.  "Yeah."

Silence once again filled the air.  John thought about
Barbara.  He hoped that she was all right, that she
was feeling the same sense of closure that he was
feeling.  It bothered him that she was alone, that she
didn't have anyone to bring her comfort, as he did.


~~~


When they arrived at John's home in Falls Church, John
felt more tired than he'd ever felt.  John and Monica
didn't speak as they went into the house together.
Monica closed the door behind them and locked it.  She
took her jacket and threw it over the arm of a chair.
John stood in the foyer, like he wasn't quite sure
what to do next.  He felt hungry, but knew he couldn't
eat.  He felt tired, but knew he didn't want to sleep.
 Monica approached him.  John's eyes were sad and
thoughtful as he looked her over.  She was his angel,
his saving grace.  He went to her, and embraced her.

"I'm here." she said softly.  She felt him nod, and
heard his breath change to that of weeping.  He held
onto her tighter.

"I don't know how I could do this without you,
Monica." he said, his voice thick with tears.  Monica
stroked the back of his head.

"I love you so much." he gasped into her ear.

Monica closed her eyes as they filled up with tears.
It was the first time he'd ever said those words to
her.  They hadn't been in an intimate relationship
very long, just a month or so, and it had been slow
and careful.  Both were afraid of losing what they had
shared for such a short time, though it was John who
was the most afraid.  But from now on, he would hold
nothing back.  Nothing.

"I love *you*," Monica said.  She kissed his cheek
tenderly, and felt John tremble slightly.

After a moment, John pulled away from her.  His eyes
were full of emotion, the same as when he taken her
into his arms on the beach.  He took her hand, and
began to lead her up the stairs.  She followed without
reluctance, without question.  He led her to his
bedroom.  In the darkness of the room, he kissed her,
softly and slowly.  She let him pull her shirt over
her head.  He ran his hands over her shoulders, across
her chest, and over the fabric of her bra.  Monica
shivered at his touch.  As her eyes adjusted to the
lightless room, she could see the blue of John's eyes,
and the need.

He bent his head and kissed her shoulder.  Monica
leaned into him and felt her pulse quicken with
anticipation.  John slowly slid the strap of her bra
off of one shoulder, and then the other, and then
reached around her to take it off completely.  She
heard it drop to the floor.  He kissed her neck as one
hand gently explored the soft skin of her back, her
waist, her breast.  A sigh escaped Monica.  Her hands
traveled around his body, and up the back of his
shirt, where she kneaded the strong muscles of his
back, and pulled him closer to her.  His hips pressed
against her, and she felt the hardness of his groin.
He pulled back and looked at her.

"I need you."

She responded by kissing his lips.  She lifted his
shirt over his head and dropped it.  With her
fingertips, she gently traced a line up his shaped
chest, and back down to his belt line.  Her fingers
loosened the belt, and then the button of his jeans.
He kissed her with a long pent-up passion.  He wanted
to show her the love he felt inside.  So much love
that he had never truly shown her.

Once he had removed her jeans, Monica helped John out
of his.  He drew her over to his bed, and laid her
down.  He sighed as he laid on top of her, feeling the
gentleness of her soft skin comfort him like a
blanket.  He ran his hand down her neck, her breasts,
and her belly.  Monica inhaled as his fingers produced
goosebumps on her body.  He kissed her everywhere;
from her sensitive spot behind her ears to her navel,
and back up again.  Inside, she melted.  Her center
was on fire.  She opened her legs and he moved between
them, and he lingered there at her warm entrance.  He
took a breath, and gently eased into her.

The only sound he made was his breath as he released
it.  Monica watched his face as he moved slowly in and
out of her.  She sighed at the sensation; the pleasure
was amazing.   She held onto him tightly.  She felt
that she dissolve into his skin and she still wouldn't
be close enough to him.

He continued his slow, gentle movements.  The
sensations were building fast.  He buried his head
between her neck and her shoulder, and breathed into
her ear.  Monica closed her eyes and held him tightly
against her body.  Slowly they rocked, until release
came for John, deep and long.

With the quick tensing of his muscles, Monica felt the
quiet explosion inside her.  He released a breath that
he was holding, and collapsed against her.  Together
they lay, trembling, and the only sound was that of
their breathing.

And then something happened that John didn't expect.

A sense of relief swept over him, like a thousand
weights lifted from his shoulders.  A calmness
overtook him.  Tears, hot and powerful, flooded from
his eyes, and he began to sob uncontrollably.

Monica held him, and would hold him like this as long
as he needed.  She didn't understand it, and yet she
did.  Although he cried, she somehow sensed
tranquility in his quiet sobs.

He became silent after a moment, and raised his head
to look at her.  There was so much in those eyes;
Monica thought...so much feeling.  She was fortunate
to have a man like him, someone who wasn't afraid to
feel his emotions.

And he looked at her with such gratitude.  His eyes
were full of tears, but there was love behind the
pain.  He kissed her mouth tenderly, smoothing back
her hair as he did so.

"Thank you." He whispered.  "Thank you..."



~end


Author's Notes:  Just a short and fluffy piece.  If I
were Monica, I wouldn't have said no either.

Be sure to visit my other fanfic at www.agentmyersexperience.com