Four Broken Hearts
by  agent myers

Rating: PG-13
Keywords: DRR, Reyes POV
Summary: Monica's thoughts after "Daemonicus"
Spoilers: Daemonicus.
Disclaimer: They're not mine. Duh. Feedback: I live for it.
Archive: Gossamer, XFMU, yes. All others please ask, I'm sure I'll say yes!
Author's Notes:  Just a short fic.  Monica's thoughts after "Daemonicus".
Recommended Listening:  "Secret Garden" by Bruce Springsteen,


****


So he's in love with her.

It's almost funny, I think sarcastically.  He wants a woman he can never
have, and she wants a man that she can't be with.

I've been sitting alone in my car for an hour, thinking about how
complicated the situation has become.  And I wonder, briefly, if Mulder and
Scully will ever be together like they want to be.  I can see the distress,
the tiredness, in Scully's eyes.  All she wants is to have a normal life, to
be with the man she loves and to raise their son together.  Maybe get back
into medicine, and leave behind the world of paranormal phenomenon and
government conspiracies.  But now she's stuck in this game, damned to play
the part for God only knows how long.

And then there's John...another sad story.  I think part of him craves the
search for truth and justice.  He's a good man who just wants to make
everything right in the world.  But he also wants Scully.  And although he
wants her, he'll never tell her.  He'll never reveal his feelings to her
because he knows it would only make things harder for her, and his love for
her comes from a need to make everything right in her life.

And then there's me.  I have tried so hard, but I just can't deny that I've
fallen for my partner.  I light a cigarette and take a long, hard drag off
of it, filling my lungs with smoke.

I want John...John wants Scully, and Scully wants Mulder.  Kind of like a
snake eating it's own tail.

Our last case, still unsolved, plays again and again in my head.  I remember
the look on his face when he heard the gunshot.  The fear that maybe someone
had hurt Scully.  I felt for him then.  Just the way I felt for him years
ago, when we found his son's body in that field.  It was the same look.

I wish he could have her.  I can make it alone, I can do without a
significant other in my life.  But because I care for him, I wish that John
could find what he's looking for.  But I know as well as he does that it
wouldn't be right.  He knows that Mulder and Scully need to be together.
That they deserve to be together.  And that's just the way it is.

I toy with the idea of telling John how I feel about him.  Maybe it wouldn't
get me anywhere.  Maybe it would...who knows.  Perhaps I could tell him,
just so he'll know that there are other options.  Other fish in the sea.

As quickly as the thought comes on, I dismiss it.  I open the car door; toss
my cigarette out onto the ground.  I make my way up to John's door, and
knock.  Tonight, I won't be his lover.  No, his life is too complicated
already to burden him with my feelings.  I will just be his friend.


F~