"Those kind people at the BBC often claim during those little gaps between the news and Ground Force: "Eastenders - everyone's talking about it." Personally I think the adverts should be updated and say something like "Eastenders - yes it is still on" or maybe "Eastenders - the programme you used to watch when Effel and Willy were in it."

I managed to meet Eastenders' only good actor, Shane Ritchie, in Manchester last week. He was hanging out backstage after we'd finished our stupendous set on the current McFly tour. I can't remember exactly what he said to us as I was too busy thinking how much his son looks like one of the guys out of Eurovision boyband Hyrise. Before I could launch into a hilarious anecdote about how my ex-flatmate used to know the guy who plays Shane's on screen brother Spencer from when they were both body doubles on the second Harry Potter movie, he had disappeared down the corridor to talk about living in Essex with Dougie. Well, not actually living with Dougie - because that would be wrong, since Dougie lives with his McFly friends. Obviously.

Anyway.... Had I got the opportunity to chat to good ol' Shane, I would have asked him this: "Seeing as though Eastenders has got a bit rubbish lately, would you consider leaving the show in the near future to pursue a singing career?" After all, he did have a hit last year with that Children In Need thing, and he did used to perform in musicals. And pop stars who were in musicals are obviously great - a bit like Elaine Paige. And Steven Gately. For instance.

And the reason I'm keen for Shane to jack in Eastenders and be a full-time pop star is that whie soapstars who decide to become pop stars are often met with groans of disapproval, they are basically an amazing invention. Imagine a world without Kylie! There'd be no beautiful songs about chocolate or spinning around, and those are two of my very favourite things to eat and do. Even worse, imagine what music would be like without Martine McCutcheon. She's making a new album you know. Working on something ground breakingly 'different' , apparently. As long as it's as good as 'Perfect Moment'.

POP FACT: Perfect Moment was actually written whilst the writer was doing the hoovering.
POP FACT 2: I like hoovering.

Basically as long as Martine doesn't start putting all that grease in her hair like she used to, I'll definitely be queuing outside Burton's the day it gets stacked on one of those random CD shelves they have next to the underwear section.

Of course it's not just the Martines of this world that mean the worlds of pop and soap are entwined. After all, they say the first indication of music success is when you hear your song being played in the background of the Queen Vic. To be honest V haven't had that yet but a mate did tell me he heard 'Hip to Hip' during Emmerdale the other night, which is fine for the time being.

Nowadays things have got even more special and you can get pop stars who become soapstars. Maybe the sensible thing for me to do would be to hang up my boyband boots and become a soapstar. But I'd have to insist that I was part of the piece of genius which is Australian soap HeartBreak High. Like the guy from Boyzone in Coronation Street. I'm not too sure of his name because my knowledge on Boyzone is rather limited. (Please don't burn me at the stake for this gap in my boyband knowledge - it's just that 911 were out at the same time and the girls at school used to say I looked rather like Lee Brennan so I was obviously more interested in the goings on of Spike and Co. as opposed to Ronan and the builders.)

In fact, everyone in Corrie is rather good these days. You only have to pick up a copy of Sneak magazine to see us V boys getting trounced on a weekly basis by those bloody topless Corrie guys in The Top Ten Text Totty Chart. As it happens I'm at Number 10 this week. I demand a recount."

<--back