"My big regret of this year's Big Brother is that I missed Nadia showering in her high heels. Not just because she's my favourite character but because that seems to sum up my favourite thing about her: she never lets practicality get in the way of glamour.
I'm watching the show as I'm writing this and while she's not in the shower, Nadia is leaving the diary room. She seems angry. It's something to do with food. How brilliant.
Also, the rest of the band and I were discussing the other day the fact that she's quite attractive. I was doing sit-ups in the gym today as all good boyband members should and I was thinking, 'Would I get off with Nadia?' And the answer I think was that I probably would. Probably not in the Big Brother house, because that's a bit tacky. But I think I would snog her. The best thing about her is that she makes me laugh. A lot like Russ Abbott, although I wouldn't get off with him. Dawn French is a better example. Nadia's sense of humour is very dry, and that makes for brilliant TV. Why else should you vote for Nadia? Well, here are the reasons you shouldn't vote for the others.
Dan: He's got that stupid white shaved head thing going on and if your business is hair you should have a better advertisement than that. Plus dressing gowns and hats is not a good look.
Boring Shell: She's boring. And also she's Scottish and doesn't have a Scottish accent, which doesn't make any sense at all. Also she cooks too much. In V, Kevin always used to cook too much. That used to upset me.
Jason: He had a wank in the Big Brother house, and that's a disgusting thing to do. Ahmed and Michelle both did it too, but at least they did it discretely. Jason's been doing it loads. Also, he's been talking to himself in the house too much. I don't like that.
Stuart: His blue Hawaiian shirt is disgusting, he keeps singing Busted songs but from the first album when everyone knows that the second album is better, and his supposedly handsome 'Team Handsome' isn't very handsome. Also he needs to get rid of the beard. And I don't mean Michelle!
Which leaves Nadia and I've already said why she's brilliant. Other good things about Nadia: she used to be called George and I used to have a dog called George, she's obviously had a difficult past and being a transsexual myself I know how she feels, and she's one of the reasons why this year's Big Brother's been brilliant. Maybe, actually, she sums up everything that's great about Big Brother.
Also, if you vote for Nadia and she wins, she's more likely to release a single, which MUST be a cover of Shania Twain's Man! I Feel Like A Woman!, or The Bee Gees' More Than A Woman or something like that, and if she does that then pop justice will have been made. You know what to do, internet readers. Don't worry, I'll talk about some pop next week. Oh, and the transsexual thing was a joke."