STANLEY RANDOM CHESS MONTHLY
Stanley Random Chess has developed many fascinating traditions over the course of history. This article introduces some aspects relating to pawn weighting.
As even novice players will know, move 30 is the final move before the VollenHauser Sudden Death Principle (VH Conditions) comes into effect. It is elementary to observe that the priority for both players at this point of the game is to increase its pawn weighting before the Final Set commences. Understanding the fundamentals of pawn weighting is one of essentials that novices should master for effective strategy, in order to obtain a successful Forced IMR. An old but time-tested classic on the subject is Baron Karl Von Damm's excellent two volume German work "The Queen and her Pawns in Waiting: Understanding Weighted Pawns" (Vol 1), and Vol. 2 "Understanding Unweighted Pawns", published in an English translation for the first time in 1906.
The calculation of pawn weighting is allowed at any time during the game, as long as players limit themselves to using fingers and toes. Count Tyrone Rugen of Florin had the misfortune of having six fingers on his right hand, and was subsequently handed a lifelong ban from tournament SR Chess on the grounds that his biological abnormality gave him an unfair advantage in match-play. Upon appeal this penalty was downgraded to a suspended sentence that would commence following his death.
A recently published thesis by a Harvard post-graduate student has suggested that Count Rugen's excessive number of digits could not have benefited him anyway, due to the mathematical difficulties created by the number six in the decimal system that is in use for SR Chess. He also cited Rugen's low intelligence, based on findings of standardized government regulated math test results from Rugen's childhood, and an incident that occurred while he was apprenticing as a black-smith, involving a barrel of oil, a red-hot horseshoe from the forge, and three neighbourhood cats. When calculating pawn weighting, Grandmasters typically use their toes rather than their fingers anyway, since it is extremely rare to have more than ten pawns of one colour on the board at any given moment.
While preparations for the Final Tea Break after move 30 are conducted with utmost seriousness, recent trends have seen the introduction of trivial innovations in relation to the Penultimate Tea Break. The completion of move 20 of course marks the end of the Second Set, and the mandatory Tea Break. But the British SR Chess Federation (BSRCF) has introduced some novel and highly controversial changes to this Penultimate Tea Break, in order to attract younger players to SR Chess Tournaments. At BSRCF sanctioned tournaments, pop group Atomic Kitten (Tash, Jenny & Lil) will be performing live. The presence of this star act means that the correct annotation for this Tea Break is three STARs, plus an extra STAR for the novelty - it is in fact a four-STARred non-move. Under the new British rules, all the chess pieces are dipped in flourescent paint at the conclusion of the Tea Break, the lights are turned off, and the Third Set is played in complete darkness. The darkness has created new problems more of a social nature, such teenaged groping, and buttock pinching. An amendment to the revision has been proposed which would see either the introduction of mandatory seat-belts (to prevent illicit excursions by teenagers under the cover of darkness), or the lights turned back on for the Third Set and all players wearing 3D glasses. These British innovations are making somewhat of a mockery of the game, and are being frowned upon with extreme disfavour by the conservative High Board of the ISRCA. Thankfully these absurd practices they are not in place here for the Tea Break, and most official tournament directors merely implement the standard lubrication of all on-board pieces with 5wt motor oil.
SR Chess GM Gregory Topov
Posted Tuesday - 2006-04-04 - 12:07:25 EST
by Staff Reporter Verdra H. Ciretop in Toronto
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