ASSOCIATED HOCKEY PRESS
Sports reporters in Toronto have learned today that the recent CRHL tournament on Saturday included a unexpected guest team from the Middle East. The team, known as the Camels, performed rather poorly, their most embarrassing loss coming at the hands of the Orangeville Flames with a score of 10-0. Ace sniper #17 Jason Kottelenberg, who leads the Orangeville team in penalty minutes, scored a hat-trick in the win.
Despite their poor performance, the Camels team drew large crowds, mainly because their first line featured two well-known celebrity figures playing as left wing and right wing. Surprisingly, these famous persons appeared to be more at home in the penalty box than on the ice. This was their first ever combined public appearance, and resulted in a media frenzy after their game against the Flames.
In an interview with reporters after the game, burly Flames defensemen #6 Jason Jonker was quoted as saying about the two famous Camels wingers: "I think they have weapons of mass destruction in their dressing room." There were unconfirmed reports that Jonker added: "They smell too." Jonker was full of praise, however, for the beard of one of the Camels wingers, saying "It has given me renewed hope. After seeing that beard, I have a new ambition in life."
Orangeville player #10 Derek Spanninga was awarded the First Star of the game, after a massive hit which flattened big Camels winger Hussein. Spanninga received a personal letter of congratulations from US President George Bush for the hit, and is currently contemplating an offer of sponsorship from Barbie Boy Products. The deal would involve his action figure being distributed with Kellogg's Corn Flakes, and with a limited offer McSpanninga Kids Meal.
Flames goaltender #36 David Kamphuis was credited with the win, after shutting out the Taliban Camels with 16 saves. "They look more scary on TV," he said after the game, "although I can't help but wonder if they are the ones who killed my pet lobster with some kind of chemical warfare." Kamphuis' deceased lobster is the subject of an ongoing police investigation, after dying in suspicious circumstances a couple of weeks ago.
More media pictures of the two Camels wingers were taken at a Toronto area golf-course and at a local McDonalds after the game, but were seized by police in connection with their investigation, code-named Operation Lobster Lobotomy. It is expected that these pictures will be released to the media shortly. One picture of the twosome that was taken at Saturday's tournament has been made available to the media for immediate publication.
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| Taliban Camels wingers Saddam Hussein & Osama Bin Laden |
Posted Monday - 2004-04-19 - 10:14:35 EST
by Staff Reporter Verdra H. Ciretop in Toronto
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