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| VANNOY NEWS |
| December 19, 2001 |
| VANNOY ON TOUR! |
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| VANN-ITIS GRIPS ISLAND |
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| "The ladies! They can't get enough!" says Vannoy |
| NEWS INVOLVING VANNOY OR HAVING NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING |
| BUSINESS - B COMICS - C SPORTS - NONE |
| G-C-D PLAYED OVER AND OVER! |
| ALL YOUR FAVORITES BUTCHERED |
| After repeated threats and thrown beer bottles, Vannoy got off of |
| the stage at Horn's Gaslight Bar and exclamed, "Fine- I'll go to The Pub!" and he set the borrowed guitar down and walked out the door. |
| A Mackinac Island employee and bar patron who only wanted to be identified as "SweatHog" told security that the crowd had had enough when Vannoy had started to play 'I'm Too Sexy.' "We had gotten tired of his (stuff) after he fouled up 'Stairway To Heaven' all to (heck)." she said as her brow drippings splashed into a beer. |
| Vannoy had begun his twenty-minute torture fest after signing up for baseball pool. "I decided I was going to play some gee-tar. So I did.", said an irritated Vannoy. When asked about his iffy disposition, the merauding troubador exclaimed, "four dollars for a beer! How would you be feeling?" |
| What could possibly be the cause of employee absentee-ism, bicycle wrecks and increased shampoo sales? Scientists claim that it all is caused by one man- an Island Employee no less. Vannoy, the man in question, has been around a while say islanders. "I've seen him mingling about with locals." Chip Maxwell told News staff. "He's been spending a lot of time all over the place!" When asked what that meant, Maxwell waived his hand in the air and ran away. It turns out that Vannoy's recent guitar picking appearance at an Island bar has made him quite a show piece. His hot licks have all the cool chicks swooning. Some say that all of this hysteria is resulting in... Cont. a-3 LADIES |
| Next Issue: -Teddy Bears- Just Another Conspiracy? -Who Says Puppies Don't Taste Good? -Why Did The Devil Go To Georgia? -All Of These Topics Investigated! On Newsstands Whenever We feel Like It |
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| BOYS LOVE 'EM! |