i feel above all of this. over this, beyond this. i am tired of the longing, the needing, the feelings that percolate here in me. i don't think that love will set me free, recreate me into something more beautiful. it just makes me feel empty and sad, apart from the world. i feel like it's all pointless and there's no reason to wait for someone who's never going to grow balls enough to be the man he needed to be and perhaps i was just a phase he was going through. i just need a break from this drama, from this back-and-forth, this heartache in motion. but especially from you.