i'm hanging in there. i spent this day going through pictures, cutting up some of the ones of christopher, throwing the pieces away. i got rid of a few of the items he'd given me that there was no way of ever forgetting were from him. i listened to my favorite CD's. i wrote in my journal, worked on my art projects. i prayed a little bit, started crying and almost called an old friend to track an even older friend down, then changed my mind, figuring the last thing i needed to do was track down someone i haven't talked to in two years to whine about a situation totally alien to her. then i took a deep breath and collected some of the momentos i want to save and locked them in a little box. cried a little more, and listening to his favorite CD and some of his favorite bands and strangely felt a little better. tried to figure it all out, changed my voice mail message because someone is calling and listening to it and hanging up every day. the caller id shows the pay phone near christopher's house.... i'm not sure why, but it does make me feel good that he cares about me in some little way... else he wouldn't be calling to listen to my voice. so... maybe he still cares in someway. and that does count in some little way.