A STUPID COMPUTER OWNER

SPEECH BETWEEN AN OPERATOR & A COMPUTER OWNER

Operator: Computer Technical phone service, may I help you?
Customer: Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. Well, I was
just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.
Operator: Went away?
Customer: They disappeared. Nothing.
Operator: Nothing?
Customer: It's blank, it won't accept anything when I type.
Operator: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
Customer: How do I tell?
Operator: Can you see the C prompt on the screen?
Customer: What's a sea-prompt?
Operator: Never mind, can you move the cursor?
Customer: There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I
type.
Operator: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
Customer: What's a monitor?
Operator: It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a T.V.Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?
Customer: I don't know.
Operator: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.  Can you see that?
Customer: Yes, I think so.
Operator: Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Customer: ......Yes, it is.
Operator: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
Customer: No.
Operator: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
Customer: .....Okay, here it is.
Operator: Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.
Customer: I can't reach it.
Operator: Well, can you see if it is?
Customer: No.
Operator: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
Customer: Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark.
Operator: Dark?
Customer: Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming  in from the window.
Operator: Well, turn on the office light then.
Customer: I can't.
Operator: No? Why not?
Customer: Because there's a power outage.
Operator: A power... A power outage?  Aha! Okay, we've got it licked
now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?
Customer: Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.
Operator: Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just
like it was when you got it.Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Customer: Really? Is it that bad?
Operator: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
Customer: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
Operator: Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer.