CLICK HERE TO RECEIVE YOUR ORIENTATION

KATZ'S ORIGINAL HOLE  IS SIMULATED ELECTRONICALLY FOR THE GENERAL PUBLIC HERE ON THIS WEB SITE.     

WELL NOW, THAT CONCLUDES YOUR ORIENTATION.   WE HOPE YOU'VE LEARNED SOME STUFF AND WISH YOU ALL THE LUCK AS YOU EMBARK ON YOUR MYSTERIOUS JOURNEY.   CLICK HERE TO LEARN YOUR INITIAL LOCATION AND OBTAIN YOUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT

IT SEEMS THAT WHEN TWELVE YODELERS PERFORM AT A HIGH ENOUGH ALTITUDE AND SIMULTANEOUSLY HIT THE IDENTICAL SOUR NOTE,  A TREMENDOUS BLACK HOLE WILL APPEAR TO ANYONE CONSUMING HOT CHOCOLATE LACED WITH GRAIN ALCOHOL.    CLICK HERE TO FINISH YOUR ORIENTATION

THE HOLE WAS DISCOVERED IN 1893 BY SWISS  MATHEMATICIAN JOSEPH  KATZ  (KNOWN TO COLLEAGUES AS "JOEYCAT").   KATZ MADE HIS DISCOVERY BY ACCIDENT AT YODEL MEET HIGH IN THE ALPS.  

IT IS IMPORTANT TO MENTION THAT HE HAD BEEN DRAGGED THERE ON A COLD AND DREARY SUNDAY BY HIS WIFE, STRUDY, A ONETIME YODEL DIVA AND GREAT YODELING FAN.  CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE YOUR ORIENTATION

NO, UNLIKE YOUR TYPICAL BLACK HOLE, THIS IS  NOT A DEEP SPACE PHENOMENON--  NOT A  DENSE, ALL POWERFUL SUCKING MACHINE.   

INSTEAD, JOEYCAT'S  BLACK HOLE IS  REALLY JUST AN ALTERED STATE OF MIND. 

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, REALLY JUST AN ALTERED STATE OF MIND.  SO DON'T TRY TO EXPLAIN IT USING THE KNOWN LAWS OF SCIENCE-- YOU'LL FIND IT TRANSCENDS THAT CRAP.

MAKE NO MISTAKE, HOWEVER, THE HOLE DOES "EXIST".  CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE YOUR ORIENTATION

WELCOME TO JOEYCAT'S MYSTERIOUS BLACK HOLE.   THIS BLACK HOLE IS NOT LIKE OTHER BLACK HOLES YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT.    CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE YOUR ORIENTATION

VERY GOOD.  YOU'RE A NATURAL NAVIGATOR-- YOUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT IS PROCEEDING NICELY.  CLICK HERE TO UPDATE YOUR LOCATION

FINE JOB SPORT, FINE JOB

WHOA! SOMETHING HAPPENED-- YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR DA CENTER O' DA HOLE.  YOU'RE BACK IN  REGION 53.  LET'S SEE, SECTOR 67545.233J.0288P TO BE EXACT.    CLICK HERE TO  ATTEMPT TO RETURN TO DA CENTER O' DA HOLE

BOY, DID YOU SCREW UP

YOU'RE IN HOBOKEN, NJ   CLICK HERE TO BUY A COUPLE OF WAR BONDS 

GEE LOUISE

HEY, NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE.  YOU KNEW DAMN WELL  THIS PLACE WOULD BE MYSTERIOUS.   CLICK HERE TO PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER AND CONTINUE

DON'T BE A TIMMY

YOU'RE BACK ON TRACK: QUADRANT 2, REGION 89, SECTOR 76564.098D.6543C.       CLICK TO UPDATE

FINE JOB SPORT, FINE JOB

OOPS.  YOU'RE  IN NEW JERSEY AGAIN, AND THIS TIME YOU'RE IN  BAYONNE.   CLICK HERE FOR A FREE GARDEN STATE ROAD MAP      CLICK HERE FOR AN INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO ON HARVESTING PINE CONES      CLICK HERE TO ORDER THE GREATEST HITS OF BILL & BILLY       CLICK HERE TO SPEND YOUR NEXT LIFE AS A SILVER SPOON      CLICK HERE IF YOU LOVE ICE COLD LIME AIDE       CLICK HERE TO TWIRL AND SPIN, TWIRL AND SPIN

OK, OK-- YOU NOW IN DA CENTER OF DA HOLE.   AND WE'VE  VALIDATED YOUR LOCATION.   FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH YOU'VE OFFICIALLY COMPLETED YOUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT.     CLICK HERE FOR YOUR SECOND ASSIGNMENT

WE'RE LETTING YOU OFF THE HOOK TIMMY

YOUR SECOND ASSIGNMENT IS TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.    CLICK HERE TO BEGIN  YOUR ESCAPE 

DID YOU EXPECT SOMETHING DIFFERENT?

IT'S ONLY A MIRAGE, BUT IT MIGHT HELP IF YOU CLICK IT.

THAT SEEMED TO HELP, IT'S MULTIPLYING.  CLICK HERE

GET THIS THING SOME BIRTH CONTROL

STATUS: IMAGE AVAILABLE        CLICK TO VIEW IMAGE

STATUS: CONVERTING IMAGE      CLICK TO CONTINUE

STATUS: TRANSFERRING IMAGE      CLICK TO CONTINUE

STATUS: TRANSFERRING IMAGE      CLICK TO CONTINUE

STATUS: IMAGE CAPTURED       CLICK TO CONTINUE

STATUS: SATELLITE ZEROING IN      CLICK TO CONTINUE

ONCE AGAIN WE'RE QUESTIONING WHETHER YOU'RE PAYING THE TOP NOTCH ATTENTION REQUIRED FOR THIS IMPORTANT AND STILL DANGEROUS ASSIGNMENT?  IF NOT, WRITE "I MUST LEARN TO PAY CLOSER ATTENTION WHILE IN STILL DANGEROUS SITUATIONS" 100 TIMES WHILE PAUSING EVERY OTHER SENTENCE TO HOWL LIKE A FORLORN HUSKY.     CLICK TO CONTINUE

STATUS: OBJECTS LOCATED DESCENDING INTO GRAND CANYON     CLICK TO CONTINUE

STATUS: OBJECTS LOCATED IN NORTHERN ARIZONA    CLICK TO CONTINUE

STATUS: OBJECTS LOCATED IN SOUTHWEST U. S.    CLICK TO CONTINUE

STATUS: SATELLITE SEARCHING FOR OBJECTS      CLICK TO CONTINUE

STATUS: SATELLITE ENGAGED      CLICK TO CONTINUE

WHAT HAPPENED?   WHERE'D THEY GO?     CLICK HERE TO PERFORM A SATELLITE SEARCH

DOOM MEETS ZOOM

LET'S TRY ANOTHER BRIGHT IDEA.   CLICK HERE 

BRIGHT? DID WE SAY BRIGHT?

GOOD GOD THAT'S  BRIGHT!

QUICK, CLICK HERE

THERE THAT'S BETTER.   CLICK HERE 

LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.   CLICK HERE

WE LIKE THIS PART BEST

1) YOU CAN SEND US $49.99 AND WE'LL LET YOU OUT OF HERE.

2) YOU CAN EXPERIENCE A SHAREWARE ESCAPE FREE FOR 30 DAYS.  OF COURSE, IF YOU DON'T SEND US $49.99 WITHIN A MONTH, WE'LL DRAG YOUR ASS BACK IN HERE.

3) YOU CAN TAKE UP RESIDENCE-- IT AIN'T SO BAD.

4) YOU CAN OBTAIN A LAW DEGREE AT KNO AND GO UNIVERSITY AND SUE YOUR WAY OUT.

WHICH WILL IT BE?   

CHOICE 1      CHOICE 2      CHOICE 3      CHOICE 4

YOU HAVE FOUR CHOICES    CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT JUST WHAT THEY ARE

GET THAT THINKING CAP OUT OF THE LAUNDRY BIN

BINGO- YOU SMACK DAB IN DA CENTER O' DA HOLE       CLICK TO VALIDATE

QUADRANT 2, REGION 99, SECTOR 99999.999Z.9999Z             CLICK TO UPDATE

COMPUTING LOCATION, PLEASE STAND BY                           CLICK TO UPDATE

QUADRANT 2, REGION 99, SECTOR 99965.046K.0226N           CLICK TO UPDATE

ARE YOU PAYING THE KIND OF TOP OF THE LINE ATTENTION REQUIRED FOR THIS IMPORTANT AND VERY DANGEROUS ASSIGNMENT?  IF NOT, WRITE "I MUST LEARN TO PAY CLOSER ATTENTION WHILE IN DANGEROUS SITUATIONS" 100 TIMES WHILE BALANCING A PANCAKE ON YOUR HEAD.   CLICK TO CONTINUE 

QUADRANT 2, REGION 83, SECTOR 76432.080T.6563A            CLICK TO UPDATE

QUADRANT 2, REGION 61, SECTOR 18641.083D.0086W          CLICK TO UPDATE

COMPUTING LOCATION, PLEASE STAND BY                          CLICK TO UPDATE

COMPUTING LOCATION, PLEASE STAND BY                          CLICK TO UPDATE

QUADRANT 2, REGION 53, SECTOR 66565.229G.0246B           CLICK TO UPDATE

QUADRANT 2, REGION 46, SECTOR 38625.089F.0156Z             CLICK TO UPDATE

WE REALLY BELIEVE YOU'VE MADE A

POOR CHOICE

GO BACK AND TRY AGAIN

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