September 2, 1993
Last night, following a little outburst about how my position on things is no longer even considered, my ladies said that this is because of my bad habits that have to be confronted and eliminated. They announced that the war being is now being re-educated and that I may be able to start participating actively in what goes on in 10 or 12 years. Sounds like quite a project in that it apparently involves a redefinition of the relational linkages I have developed over the years on some level or other in that they reflect a sense of excessive purpose and often involved less than fair exchanges. Various relationships were cited as examples of this and the use made in this fashion in terms of maintaining the stability and consciousness necessary for my primary concern -- confronting the sense and bringing it into open being -- to the detriment of my mundane circumstances.
It was a quiet day that went quite smoothly as I was informed about some of the things I have been doing that I don't understand very well.

         September 3, 1993
We had a fearful night last night contemplating the possibilities for next week with the meeting and economics translations and Maria's sickness.

• We are quite comfortably established here and have no doubts about the direction of events. We have arrived at the end of our long search and are comfortably installed with our beloved and one another in open union.

        Hecate

Persephone came in to take over from Hecate and described her long fears about whether I thought she was just with me due to gratitude or if I thought she might really love me. I had to admit I hadn't been much worried about it one way or the other. She also said that she was concerned that I should find that the Greek being was not all closed like Athena.

         September 4, 1993
Last night we discussed the nature of our relationship, the levels of surrender as expressed in the forms of being, roughly speaking: men, women, higher spirits, Furies and Masters, with me resting down at the bottom in undefined exchange. What I have developed into is a union in which the other expresses fully (though with some emotional truncation due to the limits of the physical form), the relational definition is clear but there is no sign of a real personal position on my part, thus keeping the being clear to be with others like this. In this I rest down with the Masters, though none of them have attained this absolute level of self-abnegation in that they did not traditionally purport to interact -- now that has changed, of course. There was also a discussion of the long-term aspect of love's development in all cases with time standing as an "open field" and us united and formed by our "true love" stretching backwards and forwards in its service: we seek to define ourselves in terms of the fundamental love that opens our being and we seek experience such as to serve that love and lead to its fuller expression.
She also told me about how "true love" guides children and some of the rest of us in many of our unseemly or outrageous acts. The way some children highlight such behavior in themselves and exploit it in showing off their boldness and the depth of the love that guides them to impress others and so on tends to embarrass the loving one and separate them from the council defining the acts and from the love involved in it. This is the way in which a closed being violates the trust involved in true love in that true love involves these sorts of eccentric tendencies and behaviors (e.g., shit eating, nose picking, etc.). Another related aspect of this uncomfortable relationship is that when such loving trust is respected, later on there is apt to be a period of confusion when the lover begins to recognize the effect she has had and the council she has given, which may seem distasteful or strange if viewed in a local or parochial context ("You mean my love for you leads you to be so gross and disgusting? Yick.") and out of the universal and absolute context that defined it. True love and the behavior that it counsels reflect a concern with eternal union, eternal love, and is not much interested in this fleeting life that we so often deem so important as we get older (children share in immortality in their vision), which underlies the eventual split between the two perspectives. As a result, those of us that follow our true love tend to be eccentrics on one level or another and to go through one period after another of this or that kind of unusual or focused experience accumulation which are dropped after they have finished in as much as the need defined by their loving definition is satisfied (e.g., drinking, smoking, drugs and other curious types of exercises and behaviors of many kinds). In us such behaviors are not likely to become hedonistic escapes or pursuits in that they do not involve anything that could compare with our love itself and thus have little real attraction to us.
It was a lovely day. We had a long exposition from Persephone expressing some of the fears of the less battle-worn dears about what they are doing here. She also said that she has found being with me to be a good experience and that she has lost her fears and confusion about what she and I are doing together. Galadriel came in and confused me with a heavy overlay structuring that left me on my hindlegs.