Chapter 3
Mutha: Hey, come here, little mouse. I think you're mine. You all look so much alike these days.
Squeaky #6: I'm here, Mutha!
Mutha: Quickly, go to Periwinkle Hall in Edoras and warn the President of the oncoming traffic of orcs.
Orcs(in the distance singing): Little orcy foo-foo, walking through the forest, scooping up the field mice and boppin' 'em on the head.
Mice: Squeak squeak squeak!
Orcs: Then dooooown came the good Saruman and he said, "Little ocry foo-foo, I wanna see you, scooping up the field mice and boppin' 'em on the head."
And so on�
Squeakies #6 and #29 get on a dingo and ride off to Periwinkle Hall. Yay.
Chapter 4
So, now we've entered Edoras [young Anakin Skywalker] Yippee! [/young Anakin Skywalker]
The Ultimate Hottie Eomer rides in with the other hot members of the Riders of Rohan.
Kara (at the keyboard): Yippee!
The President's son is brought over to a bed because he's injured *gasp*
Eowyn runs in very quickly. People wonder how she runs so fast.
Eowyn: George! My dear cousin George Bush! What happened to him?
Eomer: He choked... on a pretzel. I� I couldn't stop it from happening. I was too late. We all were. There was no hope left. Then he died.
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Eowyn: Mr. Former President, your son, Mr. President, is dead. He choked on a pretzel. I'm� so sorry.
Bush Sr.: Ooooooooohhhh. Mrrrrrhhhh. Fnnnnnnn.
Wormy-poo: He said, "Oh, that sucks."
Eomer: Yep. Oh, by the way, Saruman's dudes are coming here to attack us.
Eomer throws down a black lacy orc bra with a white handprint on one of the cups at Bush Sr.'s feet.
Bush Sr.: Mrrrrhhhh ggrrrraaag.
Wormy-poo: He says that that orc must have had quite a large bosom. That bra is size 44EEE!
All: WOW! That's huge!
Wormy-poo: Can't you see how that bra disturbs Mr. Former President?
Eomer turns away.
Wormy-poo: Doggammit, Eomer! Your sister�s third leg is damn sexy. Ergo, you�re banished cause you�re in the way, dammit. Get outta this house, yo! Eowyn is miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!
Eomer: Well damn.
Eomer leaves.
Bush Sr.: Ooooooh look at him go!
Wormy-poo: Eh?
Chapter 5
Legoland, Gimli and Aragorn are running around, chasing the little Orcses. Yay!
Gimli: Just keep running, just keep running, swimming, running, what do we do, we run!
Legoland: I�m METAPHOR MAN! The orcs are running as if I�m in front of them and they want a lock of my flowing, gorgeous hair.
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SCENE: Nighttime, wilderness
The orcses stop to relieve themselves.
Orc #42: I must relieve myself.
A sigh of relief can be heard from orcs around the camp.
Orc #Ariel: My bladder�s going to explode!
The orcs drop Merry and Pippin, and the two hobbits start to crawl away as the orcs urinate and dispose of feces.
Anonymous Being: Grooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggg
Merry: Pippin, you hear that?
Pippin: Yaaaaaa
Merry: That is the sound of a thousand terrible things heading this way. If they find us, they will crush us, grind us into tiny pieces and BLAST us into oblivion!
Pippin: I understaaaaaand.
Merry: Yay for Ents!
Orcsy-poo #Vasectomy: We want food! We want food!
The orcs start to bang their forks and knives on the tables.
Orc #-31: Hey, we don�t have tables!
All the tables and forks and knives disappear.
Orcs: Hoover Dam you, man, have a little imagination!
Orc #Something: Hoover was the greatest American president.
Orc #Hitler: Hail Hoover!
Orc #Sneeze: I once lived in a Hooverville, covered up with my Hoover blanket and drove around in my Hoover cart. Ah, those were the days.
All: I love Hoover.
Orc #10: I�m still hungry! Let�s eat the hobbits! Hooray for hobbits!
Orc #Random: No, we can�t! I�m allergic to hobbits!
Orc #10: Fine.
SUDDENLY, galloping can be heard. Just kidding.
Then they quarrel! The quarrel like no one has ever known! Our two hobbit friends crawl even further away. Look at �em go!
NOW, galloping is really heard and the orcs are shot with spears and arrows! Yay for the Riders of Rohan!
Orc #Small Bladder: I should have peed when I had the chance! I�m going to die having to pee!
Battle ensues. Hobbitses crawl away but soon Pippin is stepped on by a horse.
Pippin: Ow.
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Legolas: A red sun rises. Blood has been spilled this night.
Gimli: I need a line. I think I�ll talk now. Perfect opportunity! Ahem. Oh yeah, so the blood just evaporates into the sky and that�s what makes it red?
Legolas: *flipping his hair* Ehehehehehehe.
Aragorn: Actually, it changes colors because the gases in the atmosphere are reflecting the light.
Legolas: Oh, my love, you�re so smart!
Aragorn: I know, Walker.
Legolas: Actually, my name�s Legolas, but you can call me whatever you want.