Title: Shattered Glass Autor: Tracy Ok, this is my first fan fic, and it's going to come in pieces because Imy fingers will get tired if I type it all now. You can email me with comments if you would like, but be nice, please. I'm kind of sensitive. Remember that none of these people belong to me. They are the creation of David Kelley, who is the most talented guy in television. There will undoubtedly be a character here or there in this story that you have never heard of...he or she is probably my creation. I am perhaps the most talented person in my house, which leaves much to be desired since I live by myself. Anyway...here we go. Shattered Glass Lindsay Dole closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. This case was giving her a huge headache and trial hadn't even started yet. She opened her eyes and tried to focus on the paper in front of her to no avail. She swung her chair around and walked through Bobby's office to look out the window. She was jittery and anxiously looked down to the street to see if Jimmy was on his way back yet. Ever since "the incident" as Lindsay called it to herself, she was uneasy being in the office by herself. Jimmy had asked her if she'd be alright while he ran out for some dinner. She hadn't wanted to appear weak or frightened so she'd said "No problem". "No problem" she thought to herself now bitterly, "Right!" Ever since that guy in the nun's habit had shattered her very image of safetl, Lindsay could not handle being alone. She hated it. Fear was her number one emotion and she hated that, too. Suddenly, the door to Bobby's office squeaked and Lindsay whirled around, her heart jumping out of her chest. "I guess you didn't hear me come in" said Jimmy sheepishly. "Sorry if I scared you. I came back as fast as I could." Lindsay managed a weak smile. Everyone was so worried about her and she was trying very hard to get on with her life the way it was before. And while she didn't exactly want everybody to worry and hover over her, it was nice not to have to be brave all the time. "It's okay, Jimmy. I was just day dreaming a little. But we should probably get to work. This case is not going to try itself." "Ok, where would you like to start? The deposition from the next door neighbor saying what a nice kid Matt Gabrini is, or the one from his teacher saying what a nice kid he is?" "I guess maybe we should start by finding our own expert to combat the one Helen's got. Her guy is going to say that Matt is subject to mood swings and has a violent temper. We know that. We need somebody willing to say that those qualities, while not exactly charming, do not make him a murderer. We need someone who can spend time with him and say that he is a typical twenty year old guy, with good days and bad days like everybody else and that he does not have the capability of killing someone." "I don't know how anyone could think he stabbed that girl" Jimmy said as he watched Lindsay flinch at the word stab. Her heart did not seem to be in defending this kid and he could imagine why. The question defense attorney's never ask is "Did you do it?" because if their client said yes, they were stuck with that answer and limited in their ablity to defend him. Jimmy didn't really think Matt Gabrini had stabbed a sorority girl in her dorm room while she slept, but he would never really know that for sure. That made him uneasy for Lindsay, and he wondered if it was wise for her to be defending Matt. Could she really give one hundred percent of her effort on a case that undoubtedly hels personal issues for her? "I'm sure Carolyn Trask would do it" said Lindsay, snapping Jimmy out of his thoughts. "I'll call her in the morning. Did the crime lab find any trace of anything at the scene of the murder?" "No,"answered Jimmy, noticing how carefully Lindsay avoided the word "stab" at all costs. "Murder, incident, crime" those were all ok, but she never said "stab" or "stabbing". Not once. "Just that one hair that he says probably got there when he studied with her the day before.They really don't have much of a case." "Maybe not, but her parents are affluent, he's from the wrong side of the tracks,witnesses saw them arguing two hours before she was killed, his hair was in her room and his only alibi is that he was alone, sound asleep at the time of the murder. Helen may not have much of a case, but we don''t have much of a defense either. And the public outcry over this is huge. I think they want to use the victim as a poster child for safer college campuses. Not that I can say I blame them. Campus crime is a grossly under reported part of college life. This girl thought she was safe. I guess we all do....." Lindsay trailed off, avoiding Jimmy's eyes. "Look, Lindsay, let's just go home for now. You're tired and I can do some of this paperwork tomorrow. You just totally wiped out." Lindsay hesitated slightly. She hated for anyone to know how much this particular case zapped her energy. But her urge to go home and be safe in bed next to Bobby outweighed her need to be stron in front of Jimmy, "Ok, you win" she said as he smiled at her. "I'll see you at eight?" "Eight."said Jimmy"I'll be here." He was relieved she'd decided to give it up for the night."Want me to walk you to your car?" "Ummm, yeah that would be great. Let me get my coat." Lindsay switched off the light in the office as Jimmy followed her out. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Tracy here. What did you think? Remember to be nice. Part two is coming soon, but only if anybody wants to read it. Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Bobby wore a worried look on his face as his bride-to-be slept next to him. Lindsay had always been concerned that people believe she could handle anything and that she was strong. He knew that most of the time it was true. Lindsay could handle almost anything that was thrown at her. She tried tough case after tough case and came through with flying colors every time, even if she hated who she was defending. She had help to free the dirtiest, most criminal scum in the world, and while she had qualms about it, she never neglected her job. No one would ever accuse Lindsay of being weak. But he knew better. It wasn't at all that he thought she was weak. Far from it. But he had seen her break down, cry about their sometimes questionable methods in trial. He knew she would never defend another drug dealer because it made her feel sick. He knew she was vulnerable when it came to the case involving her old law professor. He loved all these things about her, they made her so complex, so fascinating,so.....perfect. But he was also very worried. Lindsay refused to discuss what had happened to her. She said she just wanted to get on with her life, not dwell on being a victim. At first, Bobby thought that was a good idea. She could throw herself into work and wedding plans and she would be okay. But that was not what was happening. He could see her slowly coming apart. She was jumpy all the time, unfocused and nervous. She had nightmares, although she didn't think he knew that. She would sit bolt upright in the middle of the night, screams tearing out of her throat. Bobby had tried to comfort her once, but she had not been fully awake and when he'd touched her she screamed again. He'd asked her about it the next day, but she'd acted like she had no idea what he was talking about. He'd never brought it up again. And then there were the physical scars. Yes, there were the scars. When she had first come home, Bobby could barely touch her, the pain from the wounds was too great. But now, the pain was gone, and she would still not let him touch or see the scars. Lindsay would only undress in the dark, something she had never done before. The lights had to be off when they made love. She got dressed before he ever even got out of bed and usually changed her clothes out of his line of vision. And although she had implemented these new habits casually, and without comment, Bobby knew why she did it. If he would move his hands anwhere near the scars, she would redirect them. Bobby knew that those scars were a daily physical reminder for her and that she was afraid to show them to him.....that she was afraid they made her ugly in his eyes. He wanted so badly to tell her that she would always be beautiful to him, but he didn't want to bring it up. She was so busy pretending she was doing fine, he was afraid that bringing it up would send her over the edge, completely shattering whatever security she had left. Bobby gently lifted a lock of hair from Lindsay's face and tucked it behind her ear. Her expression was tense, even in her sleep and he wondered if another nightmare was coming on. This case she was working on with Jimmy wasn't helping anything, either. The nightmares had increased since Matt Gabrini had become their client. He had never wanted her on this case in the first place. What if this kid actually stabbed that girl to death? Lindsay couldn't defend him after what had happened to her. The idea was totally ludicrus. But Lindsay had insisted she could handle it. She had argued with Bobby in her best lawyer mode that it was part of their job to defend people and that it would be unfair to turn Gabrini away because of her personal history. It was a big case with lots of publicity that could really put Donnell,Young,Dole and Frutt in the spotlight. She went on and on with all kinds of logical reasons to take the case, until he'd said yes. But then he'd tried to give the case to Jimmy.......JUST Jimmy, and Lindsay had given him hell. She wanted to do it, that's why she'd fought so hard for it. "Stop babying me. I've got to get back into the swing of things. I don't want any special treatment from you or anybody else. Let me have this case" "No." Bobby had replied, unwilling to budge "This case would be too much for you. I don't want to defend this guy myself because I feel too personally about it and I am not the one who got stabbed! It's out of the question, Lindsay. You're not handling this case!" "Bobby, you cannot always protect me. I'm a big girl. Please...let me do this. I want to. I think it will be good for me, something I can really sink my teeth into. The more I do, the less I feel like a victim. This is important to me, Bobby,please." Lindsay had looked so close to tears, so fragile, that he couldn't say no to her. He knew she was trying to prove she was the same Lindsay she'd always been. But he knew that she wasn't. And he was concerned that as long as she kept her fears hidden she would never be the Lindsay he used to know. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd heard her laugh. His heart ached just looking at the fear in her eyes that never went away. He wanted so badly just to hold her and tell her to let it go, to cry and scream and let him help, but he knew she wouldn't. And he felt hopelessly lost and completely helpless. He wanted to fix it, to heal the emotional wound for her. But only Lindsay could let him help her with that, and she wouldn't even acknowledge she had a problem. Bobby closed his eyes and sighed. He''d been over it a million times in his head, but he never came up with an answer. He began to drift off when Lindsay started to thrash around next to him. "NO" she screamed "Oh God, please no, Don't!" Lindsay twisted and squirmed, trying to get away from the assailant in her dream."NOOOOOO" Bobby knew better than to interfere, that would only scare her more. But he was close to tears as he helplessly watched her go through the terror again. "Please, please,please" Lindsay begged "Please don't. Oh,God" And then it was over. Lindsay's eyes snapped open and she started to hyperventilate. Bobby could not sit by any more. "Deep breathes, Sweetheart, in and out, in and out. Good. There you go. You're okay. It was just a bad dream. It's over now. It's over." He swept a piece of hair off her face. He was ready to cry out of desperation to help her. But she wouldn't have it. "I'm fine, Bobby, really" "Lindsay, maybe we should talk about....." She cut him off swiftly "I said I'm okay. It was just a dream, you said so yourself. It doesn't mean anything. I'm sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep". Then noticing the concern in his eyes she attempted to give him a small smile. "Really, Bobby. I'm okay" He touched her cheek lightly and she took his hand. "I love you, Bobby" "I love you, too." "Go back to sleep. I'm going to work on the Gabrini case,since I'm up." Lindsay swung her legs out of bed and stood up. "Good night, Bobby" she said as she walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. Bobby counted to ten, then got up and went to the door to listen. As he'd expected, he heard the computer being switched on, the tea kettle being set and the unmistakable sound of the woman he loved sobbing with grief that came from the depths of her soul. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of part 2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tracy here. Hope that satisfies you for now. More to come.Bye! Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lindsay leafed through her papers for the third time, madly searching for her copy of the statement from one of the witnesses who had seen Matt Gabrini and Jennifer Sullivan arguing the evening Jennifer was killed. People milled around in the building hallway, their incessant chatter nothing but white noise in Lindsay's brain. She was supposed to cross examine this witness in half an hour, and could not for the life of her find the original statement to the police. "Damnit" she muttered as she scanned through the pile of papers in her lap. She knew she'd had it the day before, but where was it now? She liked to have witness statements in front of her when they testified....it made it easier to pick up on little changes in their version of events. Picking on those little differences during cross made it easier to make the witness seem unreliable. Unreliable witnesses made it much easier to get the client off. "Damnit" she said again, as Jimmy was walking up. "What's the matter?" "I can't find Curtis Stewart's statement to the police. I know I had it....." Lindsay began to look through her papers again. "I've got it," said Jimmy "You gave it to me so I could prep for cross." "You're doing cross?" Lindsay sounded confused. "Then am I supposed to cross the cop who arrested him?" "No, I'm doing that, too. You're going to Matt's testimony when we get to it, remember?" "Oh, of course" Lindsay mumbled, not remembering at all. "Lindsay, are you alright? You seem.....distracted. I know Bobby didn't want you to work on this case and I'm wondering if....well, if he might be right. Maybe you're too close." "I am so tired of defending myself to everybody. Do you doubt my ability as a lawyer, Jimmy?" "No, of course not. It's just........" "Then you know I can do this. I just had a temporary brain glitch, that's all. Honestly, Jimmy, I'm fine. I just want to get this kid off. He really didn't do this and the person who did is still out there walking around free. That's not right and whoever did it is going to get away with it if Matt Gabrini goes to jail. Now I'm ready to do my job, are you?" "Yeah." nodded Jimmy."Sorry, Lindsay" Lindsay gave him a brief, cool smile as they walked into the courtroom. ______________________________________________________________________ "And what did you see as you climbed the steps to the dorm building?" Helen questioned Curtis Stewart on the stand. "I saw Jen and Matt arguing on the far side of the porch. He was yelling at her and she was scared" "Objection" interjected Lindsay "He cannot know how Jennifer Sullivan was feeling." "Sustained" Judge Hiller agreed. "How did she look?" queried Helen "Nervous. She was stepping back away from him. He was yelling pretty loud and she was crying." "Could you hear what he was saying?" "Yes. He was saying that she hadn't given him all the notes to some class, and that he'd failed a test because of it. He was on scholarship and had to keep a certain grade point average to maintain his scholarship. If he failed the test, he'd be kicked out of school." "He said that to Jennifer?" "Yes." "What else did you see?" "He kept walking toward her until there was nowhere else for her to go. She had her back against a railing and was stuck between it and Matt. Then he dropped his voice really low and said something else I couldn't hear. He was turning around to leave, and I went inside. I didn't want him to see me." "Why not?" "Matt and I had had a few arguments before. I prefer to stay out of his way. He's got a nasty temper." "Objection!" Jimmy and Lindsay shouted together. "Sustained. Keep your opinions to yourself young man." "Just one more question, Mr. Stewart. How do you know the defendant?" "He was my roommate when the school year started." "And now he's not?" "No, we had difficulties living together." "What kind of difficulties?" "Objection. Relevance?" Jimmy asked. "Goes to show pattern, Your Honor" "I'll allow it." Helen asked again "What kind of difficulties?" "He drank too much, and flew off the handle about the smallest thing. I was more than a little scared of him. Once, he shoved me up against the wall really hard because I forgot to give him a phone message. Then he told me that if I ever did anything that stupid again, he'd shove the phone down my throat and wrap the cord around my neck. That was the last straw. I moved out that night." "Thank you. I have nothing further." Helen walked back to her seat as Jimmy stood to begin cross. "You said that Matt lowered his voice and said something else to Jennifer Sullivan that you couldn't hear. Is that correct?" "Yes" "How do you know he said anything?" "I don't" "So for all you know, he could have apologized to her." "I doubt it." "But he could have." "I guess." "You and Jennifer went to a party about 15 minutes after you saw their argument, correct?" "Yes" "Did you ask her about it?" "No. I figured if she wanted to talk about it she would." "And did she?" "No, she didn't." "How long did you stay at the party?" "About an hour." "And then you left." "Yes." "Did Jennifer leave with you?" "No." "Why not?" "She didn't want to. She was dancing." "Ohhh. Who was she dancing with?" "She was dancing with Matt." "Really? Huh. She must have been VERY scared of him to be dancing with him, don't ya think?" "Objection" interjected Helen. "Withdrawn" answered Jimmy."How did she look when she was dancing with him?" "She looked okay, I guess." "Okay, you guess. In your statement to the police, you said they were kissing when you left. Is that true?" "Yes, they were kissing when I left." "I guess she was done being scared of him." "Objection!!" Helen yelled from her seat. "Withdrawn" Jimmy countered again. "Tell, me Mr. Stewart, who was your last serious girlfriend?" "Jennifer was." "The victim?" "Yes" "And why did the two of you break up?" "She wanted to date other people." "Anyone in particular?" "Yes." Curtis Stewart was reluctantly departing with this information. "Well, please enlighten us, Mr. Stewart. Who did Jennifer leave you for?" "For Matt Gabrini." "The defendant." "Yes." "Did you love Miss Sullivan?" "Yes." "So you probably don't like my client very much, do you?" "No, I don't." "Do you dislike him enough to, let's say, exaggerate what you saw that day on the porch?" "No, that was true." "Didn't you email a friend of yours saying you couldn't live with Matt anymore because of his relationship with Jennifer?" "I might have." "You did actually. I've got it right here, if you'd like to read it out loud to us." Lindsay handed the paper to Jimmy as he grilled the witness. "No, I'm sure I wrote it. I seem to remember writing something like that." "So, earlier, when you said you moved out because of my client's temper, that wasn't true was it?" Jimmy didn't give Curtis Stewart time to answer. "You moved out because he stole your girlfriend." "Partially, yes. "So you weren't telling the whole truth, as you swore you would do." "Well, I am now" "Yes, well how are we supposed to believe that you didn't exaggerate what you saw on the porch, since you obviously don't always tell the whole truth?" "I'm telling it now." "No, I'm dragging it out of you now. Do you hate my client?" "I don't think that's relevant to what I saw that day" "Do you hate my client? Yes or no. And remember, you have to tell the WHOLE truth." Curtis Stewart sat motionless on the stand and Lindsay sat frozen in her seat. If Stewart said yes, he had a big reason for lying about what he saw. But if he said no, Lindsay wondered what Jimmy would do. She held her breath. "Yes, I hate him." Lindsay let her breath out at Stewart's answer. "And you were angry with Jennifer, too, weren't you?" "Yes." "You loved her." Jimmy was gearing up for something big and both Helen and Lindsay could smell it from a mile away. Only one of them was happy about it. "Did you kill Jennifer Sullivan?" Jimmy asked. Helen stood to object, but sat down again, knowing she would be overruled. "What?! NO!!" answered the witness. "Well, it would be perfect, wouldn't it? You kill her, say you saw them having a violent argument, that my client has a nasty temper and that you think he's totally capable of killing her. Then he goes to jail. TA-DA! they both pay for double crossing you, and you walk away looking like a hero for helping to put my client in jail." "No, that's not what happened. I didn't kill Jennifer. He did!" Jimmy walked back to the defense table before delivering his final blow. "How are we supposed to believe you when we all already know that you don't tell the truth?" He looked at the judge. "No more questions, Your Honor". _______________________________________________________ Helen looked at her friend from across the room as the judge declared a recess. Lindsay looked tired. There were some deep circles under her eyes, and Helen was willing to bet she wasn't getting very much sleep. She had wanted to kick Bobby for letting Lindsay handle this case, but when he'd told her how Lindsay had pleaded with him, she knew why he'd given in. Helen had never met a man who could turn Lindsay down when she flashed her big sad eyes at him. She wished Bobby would have held out, but she understood why he caved to Lindsay's wishes. Lindsay was very persuasive when she argued. But looking at her now, Helen could easily see that Lindsay was not doing well. "Hey, I see the old plan B is at work again" Helen said as she slipped over to the defense table. "Didn't you guys already learn your lesson on that one?" "Whatever it takes"answered Jimmy. "Is that your firm's motto? Very appropriate. "Helen shot back. "Okay, you two, knock it off." Lindsay jumped in. "Jimmy just surprised you Helen and you hate surprises. He did a good job. You just weren't ready for it." Jimmy slid away from the conversation, hoping Helen would have the chace to talk to Lindsay about what was going on with her. Lindsay looked awful. She wasn't eating, or sleeping by the looks of her, and she was completely scatterbrained, not at all like her. Maybe Helen could talk some sense into Lindsay and get her off this case. Bobby had warned him to be prepared for anything. He wasn't sure Lindsay would make it through the case and had wanted Jimmy to be prepared to take over if needed. Jimmy wasn't sure Lindsay was going to make it either. He decided to leave the two women alone and quickly slipped out of the courtroom. "Well, maybe I didn't see it coming, Lindsay, but I was watching you. You didn't know where Jimmy was going, either. That's not like you. You always know every angle of your cases. What's going on with you?" "Oh for crying out loud. Are you going to start on me, too?! I am so sick of explaining myself. I'm fine. My client is getting an outstanding defense, and I am totally, one hundred percent, fine with this case. I'm fine with what happened to me and I've moved on. Why don't you and everybody else just do me a favor and get over it, too! Everyone I know is more hung up on what happened to me than I am. Well, find another hobby, okay? Because hovering over me and worrying about me is getting really old." With that, Lindsay grabbed her briefcase off the table and stormed out of the courtroom, almost mowing down Ellenor as she walked through the door. Helen stared after her friend in total shock. Ellenor gave Helen a small smile. "Let me guess. You tried to talk to her about how she's handling things?" It was more of a statement that a question. "We've all tried, Helen. Lindsay wants us to believe that she's strong. That she is the same Lindsay she was before she was stabbed. We all know she's not the same and I don't really think that Lindsay believes she is either. But she's afraid to depend on anyone but herself and she thinks if she can get this kid off, she showing herself and all of us that she's fine with her stabbing. It's like she's saying if she can free somebody who may have stabbed someone to death, she's accepted and dealt with what happened to her. We all know she hasn't dealt with it and we all know she's not okay, but I'm not sure she'll ever admit it. Don't take her outburst at you personally. We've all heard it at some point." "What are we going to do?" Helen asked helplessly. "As awful as it sounds, I think all we really can do is wait for her to fall apart, then help her pick up the pieces. She's unraveling, Helen. Sooner or later, she's going to need the help we've all been offering. The best thing we can do is be available when she needs us. " "I'm scared for her Ellenor. I think this case is killing her." "Honestly, Helen, do you really think Gabrini did it?" "I don't know, Ellenor. Jimmy just put up a very interesting Plan B that I wasn't expecting. I think the jury bought it. I just hope this case is over soon. Lindsay's fragile and I don't think she's going to last much longer. She needs help, soon. I hate watching her go through this alone." "I know. But Lindsay has to let us help her, and right now she doesn't want that. Hopefully, Bobby will have more luck than we have. He loves her, that's got to be at least a little comforting to her. I just hope she lets him help more than she lets the rest of us." "I hope so, too, Ellenor. I hope so, too." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tracy here. This is slowly turning into the longest story ever. I hope you like it. I make no guarantees about any of the legal lingo. I promise part 4 will be coming soon (if anybody is still reading). Please, let me know what you think! Here we go with Part 4 of "Shattered Glass".................................................... _________________________________________________________ The silence was thick during dinner. As Bobby chewed his overcooked pasta, he carefully regarded his future wife, who was sitting across from him. "She looks terrible" he thought as he forked at his ravioli. He had known she was having a hard time bouncing back from her stabbing. Just thinking about what she'd been through made him lose the rest of his appetite. But this case was draining her all over again. She was wasting away, unable to eat and unable to sleep. She looked like a ghost of her former self, a pale carbon copy of the quick witted girl with fire in her eyes and more spirit than anybody else he'd ever known. He could feel the ache in his heart. He missed that girl and he wanted her back. "Thank God this case is almost over" he thought. "Maybe then we she can start to heal." "What?"asked Lindsay "What what?" responded Bobby "You're looking at me funny. Are you going to try to start on me now,too? Because you have that same look everone else gets before they say 'Lindsay, are you okay?' and I am so sick of that question. Why does everybody ask me that, anyway? Do I look that bad? I mean......" Lindsay stopped in mid tirade,"Did you talk to Helen?" "Helen? No." Bobby answered innocently, if not truthfully. "I was just sitting here picking at my pasta, that's all." "Oh, God, Bobby, I'm sorry." Lindsay smiled at him. "I'm just feeling kind of antsy. I've got to decide if I'm going to put Matt up on the stand tomorrow. I had him all prepped and ready to testify on his own behalf, but after Jimmy pulled off his incredible Plan B today, I'm not sure the jury needs to hear him now. They've got plenty of reasonable doubt. Matt's got a temper. I know if he opens the door to anything having to do with past bar fights, fraternity rough housing, or whatever, Helen is going to stick it to him. I can't believe she's even willing to prosecute this case. It's pretty weak." "And you're sure he's innocent?" asked Bobby. "So he says and I believe him. Have you talked with him at all?" Bobby shook his head in response. "He's a great kid. There is no way he did this. If I thought for one minute that he was guilty I wouldn't even dream of putting him on the stand. But he didn't kill that girl. I'm sure of it." Lindsay sounded convinced. Bobby decided to take the plunge. "Would you have defended him if he had done it?" "Excuse me?" "I'm just wondering, in light of what happened to you, if you would have defended Gabrini if you knew he did stab that girl. Because I know I wouldn't have been able to do it." "Bobby, we're defense lawyers. I took this case because I'm an attorney and that's my job. We haven't turned away clients because they were guilty before, and I wouldn't have turned Matt away either. You are putting way too much emphasis on my private life. I keep what happened to me as a personal afffair, it does not interfere with my work. I have two lives, Bobby. Lindsay the lawyer, who does her job to the best of her abilities every time and Lindsay Dole, your fiancee', who's been through some difficult things, but is fine now. Those two sides of my life do not cross with each other. I'm going to win this case, Bobby because I'm a good lawyer and so is Jimmy, but mostly because he IS innocent. And right after dinner, I'm going to be Lindsay the fiancee' and show you just exactly how much I love you. Think you can handle that?" Bobby swallowed his last bite of ravioli and nodded. Lindsay smiled again and whisked their plates into the sink. "Come here, Mr. Donnell" she said playfully from the bedroom doorway. "Let's see if you can seperate Lindsay the lawyer from Lindsay the fiancee'." Bobby obediently went to the doorway and began to kiss her. He wrapped his arms around her, fully realizing the amount of weight she had lost lately when he did so. He began to nibble on her ear, when she pulled back and walked into the bedroom, shutting off the lights behind her. Only this time Bobby didn't follow. Taking a deep breath, and not knowing what all might happen from it, he flipped the light switch back on and remained in the doorway. "What are you doing?" Lindsay asked playfully. "Shut off the lights and come join me." "No." answered Bobby. "No?" Lindsay echoed, astonished. "Bobby Donnell, are you turning me down?" "Not totally. I just want to leave the lights on." "Why?" "Because." "Quit kidding Bobby. Turn off the lights come to bed." "I'm not turning off the lights. Not this time." "Bobby.....I don't want the lights on. I like it better with the lights off. It's more...intimate." Lindsay was struggling to rationalize why the lights should be off and Bobby could hear the panic starting to rise in her voice. He wasn't going to let her off the hook that easily. She didn't want him to see her scars. But Bobby knew that breaking her down about it would be the fastest way for her to start to heal. As much as it hurt him to do it, he refused her again. "No, Lindsay the lights are staying on." "This is ridiculous." Lindsay argued. "Agreed." Answered Bobby "So we'll leave them on." "Forget it, Bobby. I'm not in the mood anymore." Bobby steeled himself for her reaction as he said "You don't want me to see your scars, do you?" "What?" "Your scars. C'mon, Lindsay, we both know you've been hiding in the dark ever since it happened. You cannot hide from me forever. We're getting married for pete's sake. We're not supposed to have any secrets." "I don't have any secrets, Bobby. You are the one making this up. I don't have the first clue what you are talking about." She was shouting at him now, angry and defensive. "Then show them to me" he whispered. "No." "Lindsay, let me see your scars. Let me touch them. Let me help you, so that you can get past this.....so that WE can get past this. Together." "Forget it. I don't have time for this." Lindsay shot back, anger flashing in her eyes. "I've got to be in court at nine o'clock tomorrow morning and all I wanted to do was have a little fun before I stayed up all night working on closing arguments. But obviously you are not interested in sleeping with me tonight. You'd rather practice your amateur psychiatrist routine. Well, I'm not interested in being your mental patient for the evening, Bobby." She stepped back into her shoes and pushed past Bobby "I'm going home." She slammed the door on her way out. Bobby slumped against the doorway, feeling totally defeated. He'd tried to help and it had totally backfired. He'd really thought that if she would just let him see her, touch her, wounds and all, that he could show her how much he loved her. That scars didn't matter. That to him she was beautiful no matter what some psycho in a nun's habit had done. But he's failed and now she was angrier than he had ever seen her. He felt in his heart that he'd just done her more harm than good. He was trying to help her work through her pain. He was trying to bring the old Lindsay back, but was certain he had instead just pushed her completely over the edge. With this certainty weighing heavily in his heart, Bobby Donnell began to cry. _________________________________________________________ Tracy here. If you're still with me, part 5 will be up soon. I think that will be the last part, but then again you never know. As always, comments and feedback are welcome and appreciated. Thanks for reading! SUMMARY: Jimmy and Lindsay are defending Matt Gabrini, who is accused of stabbing a fellow student in her dorm room as she slept. Lindsay is still jumpy about her own victimization and still dealing with the consequences of her stabbing, leaving Jimmy, Bobby, and others unsure she should be involved with this particular case. It would probably make better sense (and a better story) if you read parts1,2,3 and 4 first. Part 5 of "Shattered Glass"__________________________________ Lindsay, sat on the floor in front of her coffee table, going over the transcripts of the Gabrini case. She had called Jimmy and together they decided that there was no point in putting Matt on the stand. If he showed even a little bit of his infamous temper on the stand, their defense would suffer. Not putting him up left plenty of reasonable doubt for the jury, especially after the two character witnesses they were going to put up tomorrow. She sighed and took a sip of her hot tea. She was trying very hard to concentrate on the papers in front of her but could only think of her fight with Bobby. She shook her head as the tea warmed her to her bones. She did not want or need his sympathy, nor did she want any part of the stupid "therapy session" he was trying to pull of in his bedroom. "I'm fine" she muttered out loud. But deep down, Lindsay knew she was not. Bobby had struck a nerve. She knew she was purposely avoiding letting him see her. She knew she was jumpy and unfocused. And she knew she hadn't really emotionally recovered from what had happened to her. But when this case had come along, she felt like she had found the perfect opportunity to prove to everyone, including herself, that she was all right. If she could defend a man who may have stabbed someone else, then wouldn't everyone see that she was past her pain and grief? She would have to be, in order to defend Matt Gabrini. The fact that he WAS innocent would make it easier for her to defend him. Only, it hadn't been easy. At first she thought she could hide the trouble she was having, but she knew she wasn't hiding it very well. She couldn't eat and the nightmares wouldn't let her sleep. She kept lying to everyone, saying she was fine, that she had no problems at all. And the worst part was, she was lying to Bobby. She knew he didn't really think she was okay. She had figured he'd caught on about the lights needing to be off when they made love, but also figured he'd never say anything for fear of upsetting her. She'd counted on that. Obviously, she shouldn't have. She was stunned when he'd brought it up. She had hoped eventually all the pain and grief would just go away, disappear without discussion. But it wasn't. And when Bobby had refused to switch off the lights and begged her to share her scars with him, he was asking for more than her trust. He was asking her to completely remove her barriers and let him in where no one had been yet. Not even she had fully examined why she fought so hard to keep those scars from Bobby, why she needed everyone to believe she was doing fine. She had spent so much time and energy gluing the pieces of her life back together after what had happened. She had no desire to reshatter those pieces now, to break apart what she had so carefully glued back in place. She would be fine. She just needed to concentrate on the case in front of her and when she and Jimmy won, everyone would see that she was fine. She just hoped it would be true and that she would be fine. She sighed again and gave up for the night. The two witnesses tomorrow were fairly standard, nothing difficult about their questioning. And she and Jimmy had decided that he would do the closing, since he could most convincingly argue his own plan B theory. She closed the file folder and leaned back against the base of her couch, rubbing her eyes. It was there that Helen found her two hours later, sound asleep. _______________________________________________________ "Jimmy's puking" said Lucy as Bobby came through the front door of the firm. "Why?" asked Bobby, half knowing the answer. "Because he's about to do the closing in the Gabrini case in....." Lucy checked her watch ,"...thirty minutes and as we all know Jimmy always pukes before his big moment in the courtroom spotlight." "I'll be fine" came Jimmy's voice from the bathroom. "Of course you will. You'll be great and you'll get your guy off." encouraged Bobby. Turning to Lucy he said "Is Lindsay here?" "She said she had to run an errand and she'd meet Jimmy back at the courthouse." Lucy looked at him quizzically, "Did you guys have a fight?" "Lucy...." warned Ellenor from the other side of the room. But Bobby waved his hand, hushing her. "I'll just talk to her later." he said, avoiding Lucy's direct question. He walked into his office and shut the door behind him. He sat down and ran his fingers through his hair. Soon there was a knock at his door. Hoping it was Lindsay, he yelled "Come in." It was Rebecca. She came in and shut the door behind her. "I know you didn't ask me what I think or anything, but just hear me out. Lindsay is unbelievably fragile right now. I'm sure that whatever you two fought about upset her. But let me tell you something Bobby, that girl needs you. The best thing you can do for her is love her." "I do love her, Bec. I just want to help her." "I know that and Lindsay knows that, too. Just be there when she asks for your help. Don't force your help on her. Let her ask you. Eventually, she will." Bobby grimaced, thinking of what he'd done the night before. "Where were you yesterday, before I royally screwed things up?" "Let her do things on her own terms, on her own time table. She will get past this, but only her way. Everybody handles things different, Bobby. Just be there for her. You're the one she needs the most." Bobby gave his wise friend a weak smile "Thanks." _______________________________________________________ Lindsay sat in her chair listening to Jimmy begin his closing argument. She would have bet he had been throwing up just prior to this moment, but the jury would never know it by the way he was talking. Jimmy was calm and smooth, driving home his points of reasonable doubt and plan B. She glanced at Matt Gabrini sitting next to her. He looked tense. "So would I," she thought "if I might go to jail for something I didn't do." "There was the prosecution witness Curtis Stewart" Jimmy was saying "who by his own admission lied on the witness stand. He said he moved out because of my client's violent temper. Not true. He moved out because Mr. Gabrini was dating Mr. Stewart's ex-girlfriend. He admitted that after we caught him in a lie. He admitted to, not just disliking, but HATING my client. When I asked him then if perhaps he wasn't exaggerating the fight he saw between Jennifer Sullivan and Matt Gabrini, he said no. But why should we believe him? He admitted he doesn't always tell the truth. Not only that, but look at the motive Curtis Stewart would have had to kill Jennifer Sullivan. She dumped him for his roommate. How embarrassing. Killing her and sending Matt Gabrini to jail would certainly teach them both never to double cross him." "My client had no reason to kill Jennifer Sullivan. She was his girlfriend. They were seen kissing at a party just hours before her death. And as for the test Mr. Stewart was saying would take away my client's scholarship? Matt Gabrini got a ninety-nine percent on it. That's pretty far from flunking, wouldn't you say?" "They've got no evidence. One of my clients hairs in her room. Big deal, they studied there together. One unreliable witness who admitted he lied on the witness stand. There is no motive, and very little opportunity, since my client was sound asleep when the police showed up to arrest him. They haven't put on much of a case here, Ladies and Gentlemen. Reasonable doubt all over the place. But the biggest reason you have to acquit my client is because he didn't do it. Don't send an innocent kid to jail. They've given you nothing to convict him with. Let him go home." With that, Jimmy crossed back over to his seat and sat down, relieved to be finished. Lindsay nodded her head at him, her little nonverbal way of saying "Good job." The jury filed out after listening to jury instructions. They were heading to the deliberation room. It was three thirty in the afternoon. Lindsay felt that the jury would be back fast. It was pretty open and shut as far as she was concerned. She could see no reason for a long deliberation. Jimmy went to get them some coffee, Matt Gabrini went back to his holding cell and Lindsay sat alone in the hallway. She closed her eyes, starting to replay the scene from Bobby's bedroom the night before in her head. Then she heard footsteps next to her. She opened one eye to see Helen standing over her. "Yeesss?" asked Lindsay, closing her eyes again. "Last minute plea bargain. Man one, he does the max." "No way, Helen. We've got you and you know it. He's going to walk out of here totally free. I would never advise that plea." "Well, you can't blame a girl for trying." Helen responded, sitting down next to Lindsay. "You were out like a light last night." "Yeah, thanks for waking me up and shooing me to bed." "No problem, Roomie." answered Helen, not mentioning the nightmares she had overheard Lindsay having twice the night before. Thank goodness this case was as good as over. "You've got to ask your client about my offer." "I know, Helen, but I'm telling you now, we'll never accept." "Accept what?" asked Jimmy, walking up with two coffees. "Manslaughter one, maximum term" repeated Helen. "Nope" responded Jimmy. "Ask your client. He might feel differently." "We'll go ask him now, but the answer will still be 'No' when we come back" said Jimmy good naturedly. "Just ask him." replied Helen, standing up to leave. "We'll let you know, Helen." said Lindsay. "Once the jury's back, the offer is off the table." Helen said over her shoulder as she walked away. _______________________________________________________ Lindsay sat across from Matt Gabrini in the courthouse conference room as Jimmy explained Helen's offer. "You would serve twenty years" said Jimmy. "Do you think I should take it?" Matt asked. "I don't advise it." answered Lindsay. "Neither do I." echoed Jimmy. "It's a last ditch effort on their part to get you in prison. They're nervous about the verdict." "So I shouldn't take it. I mean, it's better to leave it up to the jury, right?" "I honestly think you're going to walk out of here totally vindicated, Matt." Lindsay smiled at her client, "Sometimes justice really does prevail." "I wouldn't throw any parties yet." warned Jimmy "Juries are not always predictable." "But you feel good about it?" Matt was searching for reassurance. "Yes, we do." Lindsay answered. "Okay, then I'll wait for the jury." "Good choice. I'll call Helen." Jimmy left to find a phone. Lindsay studied Matt from across the table. He looked nervous, but calm. She smiled at him. "How do you feel?" "Pretty good, considering I could be sent to prison for the rest of my life." "I seriously doubt it." replied Lindsay. "Have you given any thought to what you're going to do when you get out of here?" "Well, I won't be going back to school. At least, not there. I don't think they'll welcome back a murderer." Lindsay felt her blood run cold, and her heart seemed to stop. "Excuse me?" she whispered. "Oh, C'mon, Miss Dole. You heard me. I'm a murderer. I did it." Lindsay felt the room around her start to spin as the weight of his words sank in. "You're guilty?" "You betcha" answered Gabrini gleefully "and I knew your firm would do the best job of getting me off. I read all about the Plan B thing when you were being sued. I followed the Vogelman trial. I knew your firm would fight hard for me, especially if you believed in my innocence. And I must say 'Bravo'. You have both done an excellent job." Lindsay wanted to stand up and run out of the room, but her legs were too weak to hold her up. She felt dizzy and sick, like someone had just kicked her in the stomach. She couldn't speak. "Don't look so upset." gloated Matt. "That bitch Jennifer got what was coming to her. She was trying to make me flunk and lose my scholarship. She didn't give me all the notes I needed. She had to pay for that." He shrugged "I didn't find out until Jimmy told me that I had gotten the highest score in the class. But by that time, she was already dead." Lindsay could feel vomit rising up in her throat. The reality of the situation was sinking in. He was guilty and going to walk. He didn't have any remorse for what he'd done, and would likely do it again some time. She could feel herself swaying, ready to pass out. "Jury's back" the guard poked his head into the room. "Just another minute" said Garbing. When the door shut he looked at Lindsay and smiled psychotically. "Don't beat yourself up, Counselor. There is nothing you can do about it now." And with that he opened the door, and let the guard lead him to the courtroom. _______________________________________________________ OK , I lied. There is still at least one more part to this story. Hope you liked this one. As always, feedback and comments are welcomed. I love email, so send me some! This is it folks. Part 6 of "Shattered Glass"_______________________ Lindsay was still sitting in the courthouse conference room when Jimmy came looking for her about twenty minutes later. "Hey, where ya been?" he asked and then continued on without waiting for an answer. "Lindsay, we did it! Not guilty! I'm so glad. Score one for the good guys. Matt is really happy. He said to tell you 'Thanks'....." Jimmy stopped, noticing the ghostly white shade of Lindsay's face. "Lindsay?" He was concerned. "Guilty." whispered Lindsay, barely audible. "No. They found him not guilty." "He did it." Lindsay looked up at Jimmy, her eyes filling with tears. "He killed her." Suddenly, Jimmy understood. He rounded the table and knelt beside his friend. He took her hands "Tell me, Lindsay." She started to shake and the tears cascaded down her cheeks. "He admitted it.....while you were calling Helen. He...he thought it was funny." She met Jimmy's eyes. "He did it and I helped him get away with it." "No." Jimmy shook his head in protest. "You and me....we did our jobs. That's all. We didn't help him. We just did what we were supposed to do. We couldn't have known......" Jimmy faltered. "Jeez, Lindsay. I'm so sorry." "Me, too." She was in shock, so quiet, Jimmy could barely hear her. "Let me make one phone call, and then I'll drive you home, Okay?" Jimmy knew Lindsay was in no condition to drive herself. Lindsay nodded, shuddering silently as Jimmy closed the door behind him. She tried to stand up, but felt the room start to whirl and so she sat down again. She put her head in her hands, and tried desperately to gather her strength. She took one deep breath, then another and gingerly tested her legs. When she was certain her knees wouldn't buckle, she let go of the table. Jimmy came back and helped her into her coat. He guided her out the door and to his car, never letting go of her arm. He thought that perhaps, finally, Lindsay had reached her breaking point. _______________________________________________________ Bobby met them at the door to Lindsay's apartment. Dimly, she realized it must have been Bobby that Jimmy called before they left the courthouse. But she didn't care how he got there. She was just unbelievably relieved to see him. He took her from Jimmy and lead her to the couch, tucking a blanket around her shoulders and kissing the top of her head. He then went back to Jimmy, still in the doorway. "Did she say anything?" Bobby's entire body was tense, his eyes blazing with concern for Lindsay's well being. "Not other than what I told you on the phone. I'm worried, Bobby. I think him actually being guilty was too much for her. It's like she's numb." "It's shock." whispered Bobby. "Thanks for bringing her home, Jimmy." "I thought maybe I'd call Helen and tell her not to come home tonight." offered Jimmy. "I think you need to spend some time alone with her." "That would be great. There's a spare key to my place in Lindsay's top desk drawer. Tell Helen she can stay there if she wants." "Okay." Jimmy smiled a small smile. "Take care of her, Bobby." "I will." Bobby closed the door as Jimmy went down the hall. He turned and looked at his beloved Lindsay, her expression dazed and her face drained of color. He went and sat down next to her on the couch, facing her. "Lindsay?" She focused her eyes on his face and registered the anguish there. He covered her hands with one of his and touched her cheek with the other. She pressed her cheek into the palm of his hand, and the tears started fall. They were quiet tears at first, but quickly grew into loud sobs, wracking her entire body. "Oh God, Bobby, what did I do? What did I do? He killed her. What did I do?" Bobby gathered her in his arms, and began to rock her back and forth like a small child, smoothing her hair and kissing her head lightly. "Sweetheart, you didn't do anything wrong. You couldn't have known. None of us knew. You didn't do anything wrong." "Bobby..." she wailed "I set him free." "I know, Baby. But you just did your job. It was the jury who set him free, not you. No one blames you. It's going to be okay." He held her tighter, rubbing her back now. "Everything's going to be okay. I promise. I promise." Lindsay sobbed a while longer and finally cried herself to sleep in Bobby's arms. He didn't move, for fear of waking her. He just kept smoothing her hair and kissing her gently. She had never once cried after her stabbing, had always been strong. He knew that now she had finally broken down. He also knew that together they would put the pieces back in place. He had never in his life been as determined about anything as he was about helping her through this. Whatever she needed from him, he would give. With this thought securely in his mind, and Lindsay securely in his arms, Bobby fell asleep. _______________________________________________________ The light came in through the window as the sun came up, waking Lindsay with its glare. She felt drained and exhausted even though she had just slept through the night for the first time in months. As she sighed, rerunning Matt Gabrini's confession in her mind, Bobby woke up. "Good Morning" he said softly, hugging her slightly, "How are you doing?" "I honestly don't know, Bobby. I think I'm still trying to process it all." "I know. And that will probably take a while." Bobby cupped his hand under her chin and lifted her eyes to meet his. "But I am here for whatever you need, whenever you need it. Let's heal from this together." She managed a small smile "I do love you, Bobby Donnell." "And I love you. Now, go take a shower while I fix us a nice breakfast. Let me spoil you today." "Deal." she said and she gave Bobby a long kiss before she went to turn the shower on. Once in the shower, Lindsay let the hot water pour over her, trying to rinse away some of the pain she was feeling. As she washed her hair, she tried to sort through some of her emotions. Guilt: for freeing a murderer. Pain: for her own stabbing Shame: for the scars she would always carry. Fear: For her own life and with Gabrini walking around, fear for the lives of others. While rinsing the shampoo out, Lindsay came up with something she could do for herself. It wouldn't solve the Gabrini issue, nothing would. But she felt it would help her start to recover and begin the long healing process. She turned the shower off, and stepped out, drying off. As she combed out her hair, her resolve to get through this, to stop being a victim, became even stronger. She knew what she had to do. It wasn't about proving anything to anyone else. It was about proving to herself that she was a strong person, who was going to triumph over her terrible victimization. "Bobby!" she called from the bedroom door. He was there instantly, worry apparent on his face. He stopped short when he saw Lindsay smile. "I want to show you something." she said, letting her towel fall to the floor, her scars exposed. Bobby swallowed and whispered "You don't have to do this now. When you're ready,,,,,," "I'm ready, Bobby. I want you to see me. I want to get through this with you and the only way I can do that is to let you in. I wasn't ready for that before, but I am now. Come here." Lindsay held out her hand and Bobby crossed the room to take it. She guided his hand to her scars, letting him touch her where he never had before. Tears spilled over her eyes and down her face, falling on his hand as he touched her wounds. He looked at her, his own eyes filling with tears, sobs escaping from his throat. He'd waited so long for this moment, so long for her to take down her barrier of shame and bravado. He fell to his knees and kissed her scars softly. Lindsay rested her hands on his head, her fingers entwined in his hair. Bobby wrapped his arms around her, his head resting against her stomach. They cried together for a while, when Lindsay broke the silence. "I'm going to be okay, Bobby." He looked at her and knew that it was true. Not only had she taken the first step toward healing, but he saw something in her he hadn't seen in a long time. He saw that spark in her eyes he'd been aching to see. And he knew that his Lindsay was on her way back to him. THE END _______________________________________________________ Tracy here. OK, that's really it. I have really enjoyed writing this. It was my first fan fic, and I think I'm addicted to writing them now, so there will probably be more stories. I appreciate SO MUCH all the feedback I have gotten from so many of you, so please don't stop now. Comments, feedback about this part or the whole thing are absolutely welcomed, even begged for. And remember, I love email, but message boards are awesome, too!! Thanks for sticking with me!!