Title: Hard To Survive (Overall title)

Title : Friends Forever

Author : Sahiti ( coolcat2136@go.com )

summary : it is yet another Bobby and Lindsay one , but it has a lot of 
other characters and elements which I'll reveal during the story. It takes 
place about 8 years in the future though, and everyone has a different life 
now.......

Warning : its going to be a loooong story.......

Disclaimer : these fab characters do not belong to me ,but are owned by 
David E. Kelly , 20th Century Fox and ABC .but a few belong to me .i'm 
not making any money out of this, so please don't sue me.

Feedback : I'm begging for it ...... coolcat2136@go.com

and please oh, please read all the four parts before writing it off...please? 
pretty please?...
************************

"....and then make one more copy of it and fax it to Mr.Rosenthal , 
immediately." her boss said without even bothering to look up from his 
desk.

Almost after an hour and a half , as she faxed the set of papers to Mr. 
Forsythe Rosenthal ,she looked at her watch and muttered to herself ,

" I hate this job!"

" So do I ."

She knew who it was before she turned and said ,

" Hey, Fran ! where did you go ? "

" I didnt go anywhere . Mr. Black just dictated the longest possible letter 
and as usual it took me hours to draft it ." Francesca looked wearily at her 
fingers and added with a sigh , " One of these days my fingers are gonna 
wear out , I'm sure ." She looked at her watch and with her usual bright 
smile returning to her pretty face , she said , "Finally ! Time for us to get 
out and let Kathy take over hell now !"

" Good ! I hope Kay comes soon coz Meg must be waiting at school." 
She smiled unconsciously as she thought of her 7-yr-old daughter , 
Meghan. She spotted the now familiar mane of flame red curls over the 
desk , and said "There she is now!"

They worked at a law firm called The Law Associates & Co., one of the 
most prosperous law firm in Quincy.And along with fame came loads of 
work. They worked the morning shift ; from 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. and 
Kathleen Colent took over the evening shift ; from 4:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. 
It worked out fine as Meg's school let the children of working single 
parents stay at school till 4:30 p.m. 

" Hey ,you guys !" Kathleen greeted them , her ruby colored eyes 
sparkling as usual. " Ready to go, as usual!" she added with a laugh. "Well 
you can get out , now !"

" See ya !"

" Bye!"

# # # # # #

As she drove the 5 blocks to Meghan's school , she remembered she had 
to make a call . She was looking around for a payphone , when Fran said 
,

" Call her later. Its really late ."

" I hate it that you know me so well ! Right down to what I think !" she 
replied with a laugh .

Fran laughed back and said ,

" Well , I've known you for the past 8 yrs , y'know . Oh ! And you were 
looking for a phone and I remembered you asked me remind you to call 
her up!"

# # # # #
" But I dont want this pink frock ! I want the blue skirt !" Meghan said ,her 
blond hair flying all around her as she shook her head in a firm no.

"Come on , Meg ! This one's so cute !"

"Exactly, Auntie ! I DONT want to look like a cute kid with a cute pink 
frock. I'm old now and want to look that way . So I want the blue skirt." 
She said with a slightest bit of a pout.

Fran had to cover her mouth from laughing. After picking Meg from 
school the three of them had come to shop for a dress for Meghan for her 
first Boy'n'Girl dance. After Meg managed to convince them , 

" Our first dance was when we were 10 , I think. And she's barely 7 . " 
Fran said looking at Meghan . 

"Yeah, well ! that was a century ago, Auntie ."

"Hey, we arent that old , kiddo !" her Mom said as she ruffled Meg's hair 
affectionately .

" I was just joking ." Meghan replied. As she took the blueish purple 
velvet skirt and walked to the dressing room she added " But that WAS in 
the last century." 

# # # # # # 
Later as Meghan went to try her skirt and a soft lilac top to see whether 
her Mom was right in saying they matched , Fran said ,

"She's so stubborn." She laughed again , referring to the argument Meg 
had just won. Again.

"Just like her Dad ." 

The moment she said those words , memories came rushing back to her ; 
memories that she didnt want to carry with her ; memories that made her 
cry ,even after so many years ; memories she cherished. She bit her lower 
lip from trembling , and said 

"I'd better call Helen ."

A few minutes later , as Helen picked up the phone in her house , she said,

" Hey , Helen !"

" Hey yourself , Lindsay ! What took you so long ?"

# # # # # #

Later that night as Lindsay tucked the blanket around her daughter , 
Meghan opened her eyes and said,

" 'night ,Mom."

" G'night , sweetie." She replied as she looked into the familiar blue eyes , 
the exact same shade as Bobby's . Eyes that made her laugh and cry at 
the same time ; which frightened her and made her feel secure at the same 
time ; which reminded her of everything she tried to forget , but felt 
thankful that they did ; eyes she loved.

She couldnt sleep well that night , just like so many other nights in the past 
8 yrs . She finally slipped into a fitful sleep and dreamt the same dream she 
dreamt so many other nights.....

.......a huge wedding was being prepared for a couple who loved each 
other more than anyone else in the world..... the bride - breathtaking.....the 
groom - stunning.... the bride - nervous.....the groom- looked as if he had 
everything under control..... the bride-....crying....the groom - "I 
do.".....the bride - still crying .....the groom - nudging his future wife.....the 
bride -........running , running as fast as her scared little legs let 
her......running and running.............


Lindsay woke up with a start and didnt bother to wipe away the tears 
which stained her cheeks . Instead she wrapped her arms around her legs 
and began murmuring as she rocked herself slowly , "its not your fault , its 
his too.....there's a reason..."

She tried hard and successfully stopped her mind from reeling back to the 
events of that awful day . But she had to sleep and that she usually did by 
thinking herself to sleep....so she thought.....

* She thought of how she hastily packed her bags , drove her car around 
in aimless circles ,until she decided she had to do something and drove to 
the airport and took a ticket to the first plane that was available and 
landed in Quincy . She had booked herself into a good hotel and went to 
the doctor first thing .At that time, Fran had been working as the hotel's 
receptionist and thats how they had met . Lindsay had said that she 
looking for work and Fran had helped her search for a good job : there 
was a vacancy at a local school for an English and Legal St. teacher and 
Lindsay had applied and had got the job once the Principal had come to 
know she had experience with Legal Studies. From then on they had 
several reasons to meet up for coffee or tea and they realised they had a 
lot in common. Fran had helped her throughout her pregnancy with a lot of 
help from Helen who came by everytime she could. Later , after her 
roommate had left the town and moved to another place ,Fran had asked 
if Lindsay would be her roommate and Lindsay readily agreed . Fran was 
more or less Meghan's other Godmother; Helen , ofcourse being the other 
one.
Soon it was time for her delivery and she taken leave from the school and 
lost her job as she not been able to return by the time her leave had 
finished.For almost an year , Lindsay didn't have a job; not because she 
did'nt get one , but because she didn't want one . But soon she realised 
that her savings wouldn't do the trick for long and thats when Pasquale 
Anthony DiFabio , Fran's half brother , had recommended her and Fran to 
one of his friends at TLA&Co., for the job of a receptionist cum 
secretary. Lindsay had got the job of the receptionist and the general 
secretary , which mainly meant working for the owner of the firm , Mr. 
Gary Scalli ; and Fran had got the job as the personal secretary of Mr. 
Peter Black , a partner. Earlier, Kathy and another woman , Anna Mary, 
did the jobs , but due to lots of work , after Anna quit her job , the firm 
had decided to get in two women instead of just one. 

Lindsay had dated Pasquale on and off for almost two years , and finally 
Pasquale took the hint and remained a good friend of hers. One of the 
very few who were close to her. *

As Fran looked into Lindsay's bedroom to check whether or not she was 
sleeping , she was mildly surprised to see that she was peacefully sleeping 
with a silly smile on her face.

***************************

hey! how is it ?:-) know there's not much to 'like' in here coz i mainly 
talked about Lindsay's living curcumstances ........but i'm seriously hoping 
for feedback. pllleeeeeeeeeeaaaase dont dissapoint me. please. 


Title : I knew it ......

Author: Sahiti ( coolcat2136@go.com )

Summary : it is yet another Bobby and Lindsay one , but it has a lot of 
other characters and elements which I'll reveal during the story. It takes 
off from the middle of season four , but is not actually related to any 
episode in specific , except in general. And its about 8 years in the future 
though, and everyone has a different life now......

Warning : its going to be a loooong story......and this is my very first 
attemt...

Disclaimer : these fab characters do not belong to me ,but are owned by 
David E. Kelly , 20th Century Fox and ABC .but a few belong to me .i'm 
not making any money out of this, so please don't sue me.

Feedback : I'm begging for it ......( coolcat2136@go.com )

_______________________________________________________________________


rrring - rrring - rrring -

"Let me sleep " Lindsay murmured as she picked up a pillow and covered 
her head.

rrring - rrring -

"Ugh!" she picked up the phone and shouted gruffly into it, "Hello?"

" 'Morning sleepyhead"

"Helen ! Its 6:00 for God's sake! What are you doing up so early ? 

"Well , I'm meeting Bobby in 15 minutes. And I wantto make it real 
quick...."

"I'm listening"

"Just wanted to tell you , I think he knows that I know where you are and 
I wanted to know what I'm supposed to say..."

"He's coming over this early to ask about me?!" she asked incredulously.

"No , he and me and Mike are going together for jogging every morning."

" Oh." After a short pause , she asked , "So why do you think he'll ask 
about me?" 

"I don't know Lindsay... he's tried asking indirectly quite a few times and 
I think he'll ask sooner or later and if he happens to ask about it 
today............we-ll , what should I tell?"

"What did you do when he asked earlier?"

"Changed the topic , of course , and I guess that's what's made him more 
sure."

"So, do it again." she replied calmly.

"Lindsay!"

"Helen!"

"Come on, babe! Its been eight years......"

"Yes, its been eight years."

"Yeah , dont you think its better-"

"Helen, I'm not in a mood for this, okay? And definitely not at six in the 
morning, on a Sunday, when I'm sleeping."

"Whatever. I just think-"

"Helen..." she said warningly.

"Okay, okay" she sighed and said " You know, I think I'll master this 
someday."

"What?"

"Changing topics."

Lindsay laughed. " I'm a lot of help, huh ?"

"Oh, yeah ! A lot of help you are!" Helen looked at her watch and said 
"ok, Linds, Bobby's going to be here any minute now, so I ........."

Helen didn't speak for almost a minute...and Lindsay started to panic...

"Helen? What's happening?......HELEN !" Her heart was pounding, and 
she was hoping it was not what she thought it was.

"Bobby..." Helen whispered barely audible. He was standing near the 
door with his hand on the doorknob, frozen.

*******

"Bobby..." she heard Helen say, and her heart nearly stopped. She was 
numb, her mind a jumble of emotions and senseless thoughts. "Bobby" she 
whispered to herself. She had just talked about him, as if he was on 
another planet.. Apparently not. She thought she was finally over him, and 
ready to move on with her life. She thought he wont be able to effect her 
emotions anymore, unlike earlier. Apparently not . Her heart was beating 
so loudly in her ribcage , she was sure Helen was able to hear it. She just 
held the phone to her ear and hoped she could just make this all go away. 
*I dont need this... not now...not ever ... Oh, God... please...* She 
didn't know what to do , she just wished she could play back for a few 
minutes . Or play forward a few years, where this would be a distant 
dream, whatever the consequences. But she was stuck here, and thinking 
of senseless thoughts like this and not knowing what was actually going on 
there.What she wouldnt do for a time machine. As much as she tried, she 
just couldn't shake off the image of Bobby, gaping. *I knew this would 
happen... It had to happen someday ... I knew it...* She hoped Bobby 
would panic and just go away... but she hoped more that he would pick 
up the phone and say her name, once . Just once. She wanted to hear it, 
not that she had forgotten it, it would probably make it all worth it. 

Click. She heard the line cut off.

* Oh , Bobby.*

********

"Bobby..."She heard herself whisper. She was just staring at Bobby 
without blinking, without moving, without doing anything, just watching him 
do the same thing. Nothing. *Oh my God...* She could almost see what 
he was feeling in his eyes. Nothing. He was as numb as she was, and she 
knew it. She wanted to say something. She was racking her brain for 
something, anything at all to say. Nothing. *It had to happen someday... 
right?... I just knew it was going to happen... I knew it...* She switched 
off the phone instead. *Oh, babe.*

********

"ok, Linds, Bobby's going to be here any minute now, so I ......"

LINDSAY !! his mind screamed . Lindsay is on the phone . She's talking 
to Lindsay. Lindsay. She knew all along, about Lindsay. How could she? 
But now she was talking to Lindsay. He can talk to Lindsay, now. * I 
knew it... I would talk to her , someday ... it had to happen, and it did.* 
After these many years, he could talk to her. Ask her - why? Why did she 
agreed? Why, oh, why? Why did you do it all in minute ? - Ruin my life. 
Made it flash before my eyes. Tear my heart apart. Take away my love. 
Take away anything human in me, in a minute.

Click. 

She cut it off! I have to talk to her! Have to ask her- why?...... Shouldn't 
he? It was his fault too. No, it was entirely his fault. He couldn't talk to 
her, not after what he did. Not now, not ever. *Its not even your fault, 
honey, come back. Come back to me.* Helen was staring at him, 
shocked. He couldn't imagine how Lindsay would be. *oh! Lindsay* 

******

"What the hell is happening here?" A concerned Mike came into the room, 
and asked, taking in the sight of Helen, white beyond belief, and Bobby, 
so shocked, it shocked him.

"You two look like you've just seen ghosts!"
_______________________________________________________

hey ! its me ! what do you think ? i really need feedback people...but 
please do read the next 2 parts too...please(dont make me beg, 
pleeeeease....)

Title : I'll be seeing you.

Author: Sahiti ( coolcat2136@go.com )

Summary : It is yet another Bobby and Lindsay one, but it has a lot of 
other characters and elements which I'll reveal during the story. It takes 
off from the middle of season four, but is not actually related to any 
episode in specific, except in general. And its about 8 years in the future 
though, and everyone has a different life now......

Warning : its going to be a loooong story......and this is my very first 
attempt...dont say you weren't warned...:-)

Disclaimer : these fab characters do not belong to me, but are owned by 
David E. Kelly, 20th Century Fox and ABC. but a few belong to me. I'm 
not making any money out of this, so please don't sue me.
The song 'Lonely Nights' is by Scorpions, and is from the album Face 
The Heat, and I used it only coz it seems to 'fit' in my fanfic. again I dont 
make any money out of this, so please dont sue me. 

Feedback : I'm begging for it ...... ( coolcat2136@go.com )

[ people , when I use # that , its Flashback time; like someone is 
remembering some scene or something, could be the day before the 
present one, too. Or when I simply want that scene to come after another 
specific scene, even if it happened earlier. but I use past tense there, so it 
should be no problem. Do I make sense ?? ] 
______________________________________________________________________

Since you're gone
There is an empty space
Since you're gone
The world is not the same 

I go back to the places we've been
It feels like you're still there
I live all those moments again
Wishing you were here

Since you're gone
There is an lonely heart
Since you're gone
Nothin' is like it was

There are memories all over the place
Bringin' it back all so clear
Remember all of those days
Wishing you were here

All those lonely nights , lonely nights 
I gotta fight for you, yes I do
All those lonely nights , lonely nights...

Since you're gone
There is a heart that bleeds
Since you're gone
I'm not the man I used to be

I follow you steps in the snow
The traces disappear
We know what we've lost when it's gone
I'm wishing you were here

All those lonely nights , lonely nights 
I gotta fight for you, yes I do
All those lonely nights, lonely nights...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Bobby lay on his bed, unable to sleep. He tossed and turned for hours, 
sleeping only for a few minutes at a time, before an image of Lindsay could 
form in his mind. Lindsay laughing, crying, sad, angry , defeated, 
passionate. Lindsay in her wedding dress, his bride... Making love to her 
seemed to be the only thought coming to his mind... He was feeling void 
of any emotions, any at all. And it confused him, he should be feeling all 
excited, happy, grinning all day. But he wasn't, and it confused him. He 
was scare, he wouldn't admit it to any one, but he was. It was hard 
enough to admit it to himself, but the thought of him meeting her that 
day...... it troubled him. He had actually thought of every thing he was 
going to ask her, everything he was going to do once he was there...... 
He looked at the glowing digits on the alarm clock - 7:00 a.m. He was 
meeting her today ...... * Time to call Bec and Hiller,* he thought to 
himself.

#

"Tomorrow??" he had asked Helen on Sunday. They were at her house, 
after their morning jog. Though he couldn't remember jogging at all. All he 
could think of was, Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay......and more Lindsay. He 
wanted to ask Helen, about her talk with Lindsay. Helen had skipped 
jogging so she could call her. Mike was in the shower, so he found it 
easier to talk to her. Which actually meant he was speaking something 
atleast...as usual Helen took control...she had gone ahead and made 
arrangements for them. 

"Yeah. You can make it, right ?" 

"I...uh...yeah, sure...ok."

"Are you sure? I mean, I just thought you guys want this done soon." 
Seeing Bobby's face, she added, "Ok, ok, I want it that way. You won't 
talk on the phone, so figures you're shit scared. And I want this done soon 
, just cuz. If you have to go to court, just tell me when you can make it."

"No, no, tomorrow's fine. Really." He had to go to court first thing in the 
morning the next day, but he could give it to Rebecca. He didn't really 
want this to be done soon, he WAS shit scared, but if it didn't go well, he 
could blame it on someone, atleast, besides himself. " Probable cause 
hearing in the morning, some guy, accused of battery and assault. Eugene 
or Ellenor can do it" False. False. False. Actually, closing arguments, big 
client - Ronan Herrink, accused of killing three women after they refused 
when he propositioned them. But Rebecca was second chairing, so she 
could do the closing. And Judge Hiller was on the case, so he could 
probably get off for tomorrow. He prayed he could. He just couldn't wait 
any longer.

"Ok. When are you free?" She loved teasing him like this. He was so 
nervous, it seriously amused her. But she could understand...... Lindsay 
was nearly catatonic.

"All day." He said almost immediately.

"Yeah, right, Bobby." She said sarcastically. " You're one of the best 
lawyer's in town, coz you're free all day, huh? Geez,Bobby, gimme some 
credit, ok?"

He sighed. "Call you after I check in with Bec?" he asked it more like a 
question; another sign that he was nervous.

"Fine. I'll be at home for lunch."

"Ok."

"Ok."

He turned and was about to leave when he stopped and said, "Thanks, 
Helen. For everything."

"Anytime."

"I'll call as soon as I can." He was at the door, when he heard her say,

" By the way, I think Ronan is actually not guilty. I guess I'll have to ask 
Bec about it now."

#


"What?! " Rebecca nearly screamed into the phone. "I have to do the 
closing?? Bobby, it's seven already, you give me 3 hours to prepare? 
Gee, thanks.."

"I'm really sorry, Bec, but it's really urgent. I dont even think I'll be there." 
He said as calmly as he could, preparing himself for another angry outburst 
from her.

"What?!" she screamed this time.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, Bec, but I can explain."

"It better be good, Bobby."

"Oh, its better than good..."

He slowly explained everything to her and when he finished, it made him 
realise just how much of a mess this made him, and he started to panic all 
over again. Rebecca didn't speak for a long time, and when she did, she 
was awfully calm,

"Oh." She paused again, before continuing, " Why didn't you tell me 
earlier?"

"You didn't let me, did you?" he said with a slight trace of humour.

She ignored it and suddenly excited, she added, " That's great, Bobby!!! 
Wait a minute, what's she doing in Quincy? How did she get there? When 
did she go? " 

"Whoa, slow down. I don't know what she's doing there, or why she 
went there, or when she went there. All I know is that I'm meeting her 
today, and hopefully I'll get a few answers."

"This is so amazing, Bobby !"

"Yeah." he tried his best to sound exited too, but failed miserably .

"You dont sound too enthusiastic, do you ? "

He sighed. " I don't know, Bec, I dont."

She paused before she said softly,"Dont do this if you cant handle it, 
Bobby. Not all over again."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She paused slightly, "Bobby, you've done this before, and it didn't work 
out," she said, "All I'm saying is, don't do this if you cant handle it. I know 
how much you love each other, but I cant see this working out, if both of 
you dont try hard. And you cant do that if you are so damned nervous and 
unsure." When he didn't answer, she continued, "Maybe you should just 
postpone this, until you're sure......"

"I want to do this."

" Good. Now, that's what I wanted to hear." He could almost see her 
smiling. "I dont know about you, but I'm so excited! I have to tell this to 
everyone, oh, my God,I have a closing to do and this, oh, my ,God !"

He smiled despite everything. " So , you'll do the closing?" 

" Duh. What do you think ?"

********************************************************************************

" Just like that ?!" Fran asked , snapping her fingers.

" Yeah."

" Wow ! This is so amazing !"

" It is so not ."

" Oh, come on, Linds! You've , like , waited for this, for what , eight years 
? And now you're finally meeting him again and you sound like its the 
worst thing to ever hit you!"

Lindsay almost said " It is," but stopped herself , she didn't want to have a 
conversation with Fran , telling her everything Helen had just told her . 
Fran sounded so excited , it was hard not to get caught up. Instead she 
asked , " Come along ?"

She nearly screamed , " You bet !!" She jumped off the bed , and sat 
down beside Lindsay near the window sill. " I was hoping you would ask . 
And even if you didn't , I wouldn't have let you get away without me." 

Fran went into the kitchen and returned with two steaming cups of coffee. 
Lindsay knew she didn't actually mean that . If she wanted to go alone, 
Fran would have let her. She took the coffee and sipped a little , as usual, 
Fran made it the way she wanted it - a little milk and one spoon of sugar . 
She thought about the past eight years and how she would never have 
made it without her. She had been there everytime Lindsay wanted 
someone , and Helen couldn't make it , which was quite often cause Helen 
lived about a 100 kms away. She was the who rushed her to the hospital 
when she was ready to deliver Meg . She smiled as she remembered Fran 
getting paranoid when she couldn't get Helen on her cell phone , she had 
gone to the grocery store a few blocks away from their duplex , so she left 
it at their place. Finally Helen came back home , and was at the hospital 
just in time to be the first one to see Meghan arrive into the world , 
besides , of course , the doctors. " I dont know what I'd have done 
without you ."

" What you'd have done without me , girl , is that you would have gone 
back to Boston and lived happily ever after with this gorgeous hunk , 
instead of sitting here and getting paranoid." Lindsay smiled . Fran hated 
'getting all mushy' , as she put it herself. So she didn't 'get all mushy', 
instead she replied, 

"I'm not paranoid."

" Yeah , and Eiffel Tower is just three feet tall."

" I'm NOT paranoid." She repeated.

"Yeah , you're right ." she said looking at her seriously, " You're just 
catatonic."

Before Lindsay could defend herself , Meghan came into the room , 

" Morning , Mom." She looked at Fran and said , " Morning, Aunt..." she 
pointed directly at the unbelievably knotted mass of Fran's dark hair, 
"spaghetti."

"Hey , noodles !" Fran replied tousling Meg's hair. Lindsay joined in their 
giggles.

" Better have your bath, or you'll be late." Fran said ushering Meg into the 
bathroom.

Lindsay looked out of the window and sighed contentedly before Fran 
came back into the room and said, " Are you taking Meg ?"

"Where ?" Lindsay asked even though she knew where . She had thought 
about it for such a long time and yet couldn't make her mind up. She 
thought it would be better if she told Bobby, before he met Meghan. That 
is , if they would even reach to the stage where they would talk. She knew 
most about his professional life , almost every case of his made it to the 
front pages of the Boston Globe newspaper . And though Helen tried to 
tell her everything she knew about his personal life, Lindsay refused to get 
sucked up , again. Instead of looking at Fran, she pretended to be lost in 
thought , looking at the trees that lined their neighbourhood.

" To Disney Land , that's where."

" Huh ?" she looked confused.

She paused and asked ,"What is it with you ?" as she settled down beside 
Lindsay. "You're meeting this guy , so suddenly you've lost sense of 
everything ? Agreed he's , like, drop dead gorgeous and you love him 
more than everything, but this ? I mean , come on , you didn't even get the 
Disney Land thing."

" Yeah , I guess he does that to me . Pathetic or what ?"

"What's pathetic? It's not pathetic . I think I understand now why people 
think love is crazy. It makes you just that." Lindsay had never really 
understood her, she could be saying one thing this second and completely 
contrasting that , the other second. She smiled,

" So now I'm crazy , huh ? I think I would prefer pathetic." Lindsay said 
pouting dramatically. Fran giggled. "No, seriously , will you?"

" I dont know ." she replied, putting the coffee cup back on the table. " 
Helen thought it would be better if I brought her along," she sighed as she 
looked at her fingers wearily. 

" I agree. I mean , if you love this guy as much as you say you do, and I 
know you do, then I dont think you should keep such a big thing from him 
."

" I've kept it from him for all these years , what's another day going to do 
? Besides he's going to hate me for not telling him. And that's putting it 
mildly."

"So you won't take her ?"

" I didn't say that."

" I still think you should take her."

" I'll think about it." Just then Meghan came into the room and said , " 
About taking me to Disney Land ?" she asked hopefully , her eyes lighting 
up , more than usual.

Lindsay looked at Fran fearfully , scared about how much Meg had heard, 
other than the Disney Land part . Fran shook her head slightly, and she 
calmed down. She smiled at her daughter and said "No, not Disney Land, 
about dropping you to school in the car."

" Cool ! I'll get ready." Meg said as she took a skirt from the closet. She 
ran back into the bathroom. Lindsay looked at her tiny form rushing out , 
her blond hair wet and her amazing blue eyes sparkling . * I'd have killed 
Bobby if he kept her from me.* she thought to herself . As much as she 
hated doing this , she said , " She's coming with me ." Fran smiled in 
response and said , " I'll call Helen and ask her to come after Meg's 
school finishes."

"She isn't going to school." Lindsay said. *I'm dead .* she thought to 
herself.

*********

" Stop fidgeting , or I'll have to kill you." Fran said lightly , pointing 
towards Lindsay twirling her straw in the iced tea . They were at 
'Havmor' , a well known fast-food centre , and a place where the three of 
them often came to. Helen and Bobby were supposed to be there almost 
half an hour ago.

"Maybe , he just didn't want to come , so they cancelled it." Lindsay said , 
looking hopefully at Fran.

" Helen would have called." Fran stopped trying to knock some sense into 
her head , she had been doing that since that morning. 

"Mom , I have to go the bathroom." Meg said.

"I'll take you." Fran said , looking pointedly at Lindsay who looked like 
she was ready to jump off the chair and run to the bathroom with Meg.

" It's ok , Aunt Fran , I'll go myself . I know where it is."

" Sure ?"

" Sure , I'm sure." She replied as she hopped off the chair.

Lindsay was lost in thought and didn't know how much time had passed 
when Fran started to poke her in her ribs furiously. Lindsay was about to 
retort when she saw what Fran was pointing at. 

______________________________________________________________________________________

People , it's me ! How's it ?:-) I know , I know , it's another 'description' 
thing :-) But the rendezvous will be up in the next part. This one came out 
to be so long, I decided it would be better to do it in the next one, even 
though I have it all in my mind. If you think it's toooo long, please tell me 
:-)
Anyways, thanx for reading :-)
Sahiti

Title : Silent Staring

Author: Sahiti (coolc...uh, forget it)

Summary : It is yet another Bobby and Lindsay one , but it has a lot of 
other characters and elements which I'll reveal during the story. It takes 
off from the middle of season four , somewhere after the episode 
'Marooned' , but is not actually related to any episode in specific , except 
in general. And its about 8 years in the future though, and everyone has a 
different life now......

Warning : its going to be a loooong story......

Disclaimer : these fab characters do not belong to me ,but are owned by 
David E. Kelly , 20th Century Fox and ABC .but a few belong to me . 
I'm not making any money out of this, so please don't sue me.

Feedback : I'm begging for it...... coolcat2136@go.com

[Note : People , when I use # that , its Flashback time; like someone is 
remembering some scene or something , which could have happened long 
ago or it could be the day before the present one, too. Or when I simply 
want that scene to come after another specific scene , even if it happened 
earlier. but I use past tense there, so it should be no problem. Do I make 
sense ?? ]

______________________________________________________________________________

He just stood there looking at her......not really taking in what he saw , 
just making sure this wasn't a dream. He didn't know he was staring at 
her as if she were something surreal or that the people around him were 
giving him strange looks. He wouldn't have cared less about what people 
were thinking if he knew, he simply stood there , a few feet away from her 
table, and kept staring ...... 

He had practised talking to her for hours in front of his mirror, thought of 
every possible topic he could think of, for small talk , which he knew was 
what they would inevitably talk about. But standing there in front of her, he 
couldn't remember even one word of it...she still seemed surreal to him. 
He wanted to ask her a million questions , but none came to his mind right 
then. He had just assumed , in front of his mirror, that they would just hit it 
of together again and catch up...... he realised now how that wasn't even 
remotely possible. And thought maybe he lost his senses when he assumed 
that.

She was looking straight into his eyes and it frightened him . Her gaze 
never wavered , and it scared him like hell. But he just looked into her 
eyes and got caught up in the emotions that lurked behind those beautiful 
eyes. She looked ......scared. That gave him a little confidence , and he 
tried to speak , but nothing came out. Her gaze was too intense for that.

His mind slowly started to process what he was seeing and how awkward 
this was .And he racked his brain to think of something to say to her. Just 
the thought of talking to her made his mouth dry, and he desperately tried 
to swallow the giant lump in his throat which made it difficult to even open 
his mouth. He gave up after a while as he realised nothing he could say 
would be right......

He began to realise just how beautiful she looked ... her hair was knotted 
at the nape of her neck and hung loosely around her shoulders and a few 
tendrils framed her face. She looked more beautiful than he imagined she 
would.. She looks divine.... 

He saw a flicker of emotion , other than fright , flash across her eyes. He 
was sure she looked apologetic. * Oh, God ,Lindsay. Don't apologise. 
It's not your fault , honey. It's not. * She was still looking at him like that. 
* Stop it , please...it's not your fault. It's mine , I should never have 
screamed at you like that.* He wished he could talk to her , instead of 
trying to send telepathic messages to her. 

He didn't know how much time had passed as he kept staring at the her , 
thinking of something to say to her , even though he knew nothing he 
would or could say would matter.

He hardly noticed when Helen and some woman who had come with 
Lindsay slip away toward his right. 

SAY SOMETHING !! his mind screamed .


" Hi," he finally said , barely able to overcome that lump in his throat ; it 
came out more like a croak .His worst ever.


She looked at him like never before. He looked so different ......and yet 
exactly like the Bobby she knew she would meet. She expected him to 
have an all-powerful look, the one she usually saw in the newspapers . But 
he looked so...timid and defeated , she knew that it mirrored her own 
image , and that made her lose her last string of hope and confidence. She 
eyes slowly travelled across his face before settling their gaze straight into 
his eyes , and she wished for a second that she hadn't looked at them... 
his eyes always made her feel like she could swim in them... that twirling 
blue water...she tried hard to look away , but she couldn't . He was 
staring right at her , his eyes penetrating her own as if to read her thoughts. 
She prayed he couldn't , because if he did , he would know how scared 
she was. She wasn't scared about meeting him, she somehow overcame 
that when she realised , she had to do one of the hardest thing she had 
done in her life. Telling him about Meg. That was mostly what she thinking 
about . She was still lurking in those dark , deep ocean eyes of his and 
thought she would rather die than tell him about her . But she realised , she 
couldn't , she would just have to tell him. 

*I'm sorry, Bobby, I really am. I hate myself for this , but I couldn't tell 
you...I cant tell you how sorry I am......*

She didn't know her emotions were so obvious until she noticed that 
Bobby seemed to tell her that it was not her fault. She hoped to feel better 
after that but didn't. * If only you had told me that eight years ago, Bobby, 
if only you did.* she thought to herself trying not to make it too obvious 
this time. She knew she was going to cry any second now , and she tried 
to look away before he saw that too. That's when she heard it .

" Hi, " he said. Or rather tried hard to , but succeeded in managing a 
croak.

It was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard.

"Hi." She replied. It was worse than his.

************

"What do you think ?" Helen asked Fran.

" If only they'd talk , dammit." Fran replied.

"Is he the guy Mom's supposed to meet ?" Meghan asked.

" Yeah ." Helen replied.

" Then why don't they talk ? They're looking at each other as if they had 
two heads each , instead of one."

Fran laughed. "Believe me, it's more serious than that !"

They were behind the potted plants which separated the ice cream parlour 
from the fast-food centre, and trying to look from between the leaves. 
Meg found it 'really cool' to spy this way , and she was the one telling 
them everything that was going on there , coz it would look stupid if the 
three of them were peeping through the plants.

" He said something !" Meg squealed.

" What ?" Helen and Fran asked almost at the same time.

" I couldn't make out anything . He just opened his mouth, that's all." Meg 
replied as she turned back to peep again. " Ok, Mom opened her mouth 
too."

"Maybe a 'hi' or 'hey' ?" Fran said to no one in particular. 

" He's sitting down opposite to her." Meg continued.

" Ooh ! This is good." Helen said excitedly as she too started to peep 
through the plants. Fran did the same too , not bothering about the people 
around her , who seemed just as curious as them , as to what was going 
on behind them.

Almost after half an hour later, Fran said ,

" We'd better take Meg." She said nodding at Lindsay who seemed to 
scan the room every other second.

" All right ! Showtime !!" Helen said , as she picked up Meg and started to 
walk towards Lindsay and Bobby, with Fran close behind.

*************

*Where the hell are they ?* Lindsay thought frustrated. They weren't 
making things easier for her, at all. Atleast she and Bobby came down to 
small talk , almost every topic came from Lindsay. * I should have thought 
of more stuff , instead of getting paranoid .* It obviously was going very 
well. Atleast compared to what she thought it was going to be like...

" So, you're working in that firm and writing for that weekly newspaper , 
huh?"

They had been doing this everytime the other person couldn't say 
something ; repeating what the other had just said.

" Yeah . It's not a lot of work , coz I write only one column and I do it on 
Saturday , keeps me going."

" Oh."

She looked around once again , and she saw them coming ,*Oh, God, 
here they are. Help me. Please.*

" Bobby ? " she said softly. He looked up expectantly,

" Yeah ?" 

" I want you to meet..." she paused as Meghan came and stood beside 
her. She held her hand tightly, "...Meghan , m...ou...uh, my daughter." 
She stuttered , she didn't know whether to say 'our daughter' or 'my 
daughter'.

He left his hands frozen in the air , as he stared at her , with his mouth 
open . He was gaping , and never let his eyes leave her, his daughter. * 
She's so beautiful.* he thought. His eyes. She had his eyes. His dimple. 
His smile. Lindsay's blond hair. Her nose , her lips. *Meghan...* ,she was 
an picture copy of both of them. His eyes never left her , and neither did 
his mouth close.

" Mom, he's spooky." Meghan whispered softly after a while of silent 
staring. Lindsay said absolutely nothing .She was looking at Bobby , trying 
to read beyond his shock. Helen smiled. She never thought she would at 
this situation , but she did. Bobby genuinely seemed to scare her ! " Bobby 
..." Helen whispered too; when he didn't answer her , she continued, " 
Bobby, you're scaring her..."

" I'm not scared , I just think he's spooky..." Meg defended herself.

Helen nodded and said , " Bobby , you're spooking her ."

He didn't reply. He continued to stare.

" Bobby, I'm really sorry, I didn't tell you... I couldn't...I'm sorry...", 
Lindsay said.

Helen held Meg's hand and squeezed it gently, before she turned to Fran 
and mouthed "I think it's best that we go." Lindsay started to cry.

" Mom , why are you crying? Mom? Did he make you cry?" she asked as 
she looked angrily at Bobby. By this time Bobby recovered from his 
shock and had his hands folded in front of him on the table. But he was 
still looking at Meghan . But not with shock , but with all the love there 
could ever be. And he started to tell Meghan something, when Lindsay 
slowly said , "No, honey , he didn't make me cry, I just had to cry to let 
out everything that was bottled up in me . Remember I keep telling you , 
its best to cry it out to your Mom or best friend?" she continued , after 
receiving a small nod from Meg , " Well , that's what I'm doing."

" But he's not your mother." She retorted . Everyone smiled. " No."

" Is he your best friend ?" she didn't look convinced.

" ...uh...yeah, something like that ."she said looking at Bobby

Meg turned to Bobby and with a smile that burst his heart with love, she 
said " You better not make Mommy cry." And in perfect deadpan , she 
continued, " Only I get to do that , when I tickle her." 

" I won't ever make you or your Mom cry." He said seriously and then 
smiled.

She gave him a strange look which was perceived as 'You're definitely 
spooky'. She followed Helen and Fran to wherever they were headed.

Lindsay burst into tears. " I'm sorry , Bobby, for not telling you , you were 
just so angry that day , it was hard even trying to talk to you , but I should 
have , I dont know if I'd have ever forgiven anybody , if they kept my 
baby away from me...I just......couldn't..."

" It's ok , Lindsay. I understand."

Lindsay jerked her head up and stared at him. 

"Wha... ?"

" I knew."

Lindsay just stared at him horrified. Her hand flew up to her mouth . It 
was her turn to be shocked. 

" Come on ," he said , "dont you think you would have figured it out if you 
were in my place ? You went to the doctor before we ...fought , and after 
you ...uh...left, I checked with everyone , including the doctor. "

" You mean all these years , you knew and-" Bobby cut her off, and 
continued,

"...didn't know what to do, where to find you, how to find you. I asked 
Helen , she just kept pushing me around , lying to my face , and I know 
it's not her fault. Don't get me wrong , it's not yours either. But think 
about it , Lindsay, you know you have kid ,and you dont know where he 
or she is , you cant be there for him or her......", he paused before he said 
, "I couldn't be a Dad, Lindsay , even though I was."

" oh...Jesus," she looked like she could have heart attack. " that's even 
more terrible than not knowing......I'm sorry , Bobby, I ..."

" Dont be . it's not your fault that I shouted on you , for no reason at all , 
pushed you around, and taking you for granted...it's mine. I'm the one 
who should be sorry here. And I am . I'm very sorry."

" That doesn't give me reason not to tell you......God , Bobby , can you 
ever forgive me ?"

" If you can."

# ( eight years earlier )

"Bobby, can I talk to you ?" Lindsay asked for the fifth time.

"Later." He said without looking up , for the fifth time

She waited for about half an hour , before she came back to the room,

" I really have to talk to you ." she said teasingly, with a smile.

" I said we'll talk later , didn't I ?" his voice rose a few decibels.

" Dammit , Bobby, I came here to talk to you , will you even listen ?" her 
voice rose too. She didn't care if he had to work . They were at their 
house and it was Saturday night, for God's sake , he could work on 
witness cross examination the entire Sunday . And she had such great 
news , she knew he would go ballistic , in a very good way, when he hears 
the news. If he takes the time out to talk , that is.

" What ?! You can see , I'm working ,cant you? We'll talk about this 
later."

"You dont even want to listen. "

" You know damn well it's not that."

"Oh , yeah ? Then what is it , Mr. Donnell ?"

" Lindsay, you're going over the line here..." he said warningly.

" I'M going over the line ? Look who's talking !"

" Someone who has a load of work to do , and his whose fiancee cant 
understand that." He spit out each word.

Lindsay was shocked at his outburst.

" NO. Someone, who doesn't have the time of the day for the person who 
he says he loves and want's to spend the rest of his life with ! Do you even 
remember when was the last time we talked ?"

"What do you mean , 'last time' , we're talking now ."

" Talking ?! You call this talking !? What is it with you? This is fighting, 
Bobby, not talking ; fighting , and that's all we seem to be doing these 
days. Fight about the wedding, about the dress ...fight, fight and fight. " 
She was getting angrier by the minute. There was a long pause, before 
either one spoke.

" I do remember when we talked last , Lindsay, I proposed to you for the 
second time and you said yes , that's when we last 'talked', instead of 
fought." He said , his voice lower.

She softened a little bit, " See what I mean , the last time we talked was 
you proposed , that's it. Then all we talk about is cases and we talk when 
we make love, that's all. I said yes, because I want to marry a person I 
love more than anything or anyone in the world, and that's what this is.. 
But I cant take it, when you don't have time for me anymore. If you keep 
yelling at me like this. When you're work comes before me. I have a job 
to do too, but I dont go around pushing you lower and lower. I cant take 
it anymore. I cant handle this unbelievable workaholic you've become ." 
she said softly but firmly.

He paused for a long time before he said, " If you cant handle me , maybe 
you shouldn't marry me."

# ( back to present )

"......God, Bobby , can you ever forgive me ?"

" If you can."

" I guess so."

" I guess so too."

____________________________________________________________________________________

sahiti here! what do you think? part 5 will take some time [long story 
why:(] please do send feedback at coolcat2136@go.com , i know i seem 
to be typing my addy everywhere...oh,well...

Title : Que Sera Sera

 Summary : It is yet another Bobby and Lindsay one, but it has a lot of other characters 
and elements which I'll reveal during the story.
 It takes off from the middle of season four , somewhere after the episode 'Marooned' , 
but is not actually related to any episode in
 specific , except in general. And its about 8 years in the future though, and everyone 
has a different life now.......

 About part - 5: ok, this is basically all about a get-together at Lindsay's house...and 
tits and bits about the other storyline I told you
 about. I have a feeling this part will make no sense to anyone but me coz I know 
what's going on...but I'll really, really appreciate
 feedback :)in fact, i'd love it.

 Warning : its going to be a loooong story.......

 Disclaimer : ha! Like you'd ever mistake me for DEK or my little comp for 20th 
Century Fox. Really....

 Feedback : I'm begging for it ........

 _____________________________________________________________________________

 THREE WEEKS LATER......

 "Wow! I've never seen so many people in our house at once!" Fran said, handing out a 
glass of water to Meghan.

 "Yeah, me too." Lindsay said, her face radiant with joy. Everyone from the office of 
Donnell, Young, Frutt and Berlutti were at
 Lindsay's house with their families.


 "This was a good idea, you know. The party, I mean." Bobby said as he slipped his 
arm around Lindsay's waist.

 "Yeah, I know. It's so weird, really. It's like I know everything about them and yet 
dont know anything at all..."She looked all around
 her for the hundredth time and gave a satisfied sigh...

 "Does everyone here work for you, Dad?" Meghan asked Bobby.

 It thrilled him to bits whenever he heard her call him 'Dad'. Lindsay had told her about 
him just a week ago. He had really expected
 her to stammer a few times before getting used to it, but she picked it up immediately, 
and everytime she called her that, he was in
 heaven. He took her out a few times and they enjoyed it a lot. But it didn't do what this 
did to him. It made him proud. Proud that he
 was a father of such a lovely girl. He hated it that he had to miss this feeling for eight 
long years, but he was finally over that, and was
 thankful that he had the chance at least now. What has happened has happened, he 
thought. Que sera sera. He was going to enjoy
 this while it lasted and forget about all this. He had to. He smiled unconsciously, still 
looking at her.

 "Dad?" He finally realised she had asked him something...

 "Yeah? Oh, uh, no, we all just work together as partners..." Bobby replied. She 
nodded her head, and walked away to play with
 Eugene's daughter.

 "Do that once more, and she's going to be officially scared of you." Lucy said coming 
up to them. 

 "Hmm, or maybe she's just going to get used to a freaky father." Fran said. He gave 
them both a sarcastic smile. She and Lucy burst
 into silly giggles and Bobby looked at Lindsay and said,

 "You are the only one keeping me sane here." She pretended to ignore him,

 " Actually, I think, she already got used to it." Lindsay said in perfect deadpan. They 
laughed again. She looked at Bobby who looked
 completely defeated and smiled. The last three weeks had been the happiest days as 
long as she could remember. Not that they
 were together throughout the time, he actually wanted to, but, as much as she hated 
doing it, she asked him to go back. They talked
 on the phone whenever they could and he came down on the weekend and left again 
on Sunday. She hated watching him go, and she
 knew that he hated it too. She went to Boston last week to meet everyone and just 
didn't want to come back. So she decided to have
 this get-together. And she was glad she did. 

 "Come on, Bobby, be a sport!" she said as he was about to protest. He finally smiled, 
"I guess, I have been acting weird around
 her..."

 "Guess?? It goes way beyond that Bobby." Lucy said.

 " It's not my fault that these two women have me wrapped around their little fingers, is 
it?" he said gesturing with his hand towards
 Lindsay and Meg. Lindsay smiled as he walked towards Eugene, who was calling him 
over. Her eyes followed his trail, and never left
 him. 

 "Have you done it yet?" Lucy asked suddenly. Lindsay turned around sharply and was 
slightly taken aback by the suddenness of the
 question. " Huh?"

 "You know, sex."

 Before Lindsay had a chance to reply, Fran said,

 " Every chance they get," swiping her hand above the table to stress on the point. 

 " Fran!!" Lindsay exclaimed.

 "It's not like you guys even try to hide it, y'know." She said to Lindsay. "Well, I don't 
exactly blame you, but maybe you should try to
 keep it down the next time. These walls are paper thin." She said, with a twinkle in her 
dark eyes.

 "Really?" Helen asked, as she too joined in, with all her attention on what Fran was 
saying.

 "Yeah. And ugh, sometimes, its so romantic, I could puke!" 

 "FRAN!!" Lindsay screamed again.

 "No wonder he's been so happy lately." Lucy shook her head.

 "Yeah" Helen agreed

 "You, guys." Lindsay pleaded, "Stop it." Finally, not able to control herself any longer, 
she gave in, and started to smile. Just thinking
 about it made her spine tingle. It showed on her face,

 "It must be really really good, if you're turning crimson like this." Helen said, staring at 
her. 

 "Ah! She finally gives in." Lucy said with a smile. Lindsay was still grinning, when the 
phone began to ring. 

 "I'll get that." Fran said, hurrying off into her bedroom so she could talk without all the 
noise. Lindsay said, "I'll be back, have to use
 the bathroom." And started to walk out of the kitchen.

 Helen and Lucy just smiled.

 * * * * * * * * * * * 

 "That's ok, Dad, I can put them." Meghan said as she took all four glasses from his 
hand and started to slowly walk toward the
 kitchen. That Dad again!

 "That's a lovely daughter you have there, Bobby." Eugene said.

 "mmm."

 Eugene chuckled. He knew what Bobby was feeling, he'd been through that phase...

 "Is it always going to be like this?" Bobby asked Eugene. He didn't have to explain 
what he was talking about.

 "The beginning, yeah, and then you get used to it and you realise your responsibilities... 
Enjoy it while you can.," Eugene replied with
 a smile.

 He didn't think he was ever going to get used to this. He loved her so much.

 * * * * * * * * * * * * 

 "...that's the only reason I have." Lindsay caught the last part of what Lucy was saying.

 "What are you talking about?" Lindsay asked as she and Bobby tried to squeeze into 
an overstuffed chair, after that oh-so-passionate
 kiss in the bathroom. She was just coming out of the bathroom when he'd caught 
her...and she wasn't able to recover from it. Not that
 she wanted to. Lucy looked up and said, 

 "Why our ancestors decided to have dinner at seven."

 "Which reminds me, I'm hungry, and those look delicious." Helen said."Isn't anyone 
else?"

 "I was praying you would actually get to that part. I think everyone's ready for that 
feast you have set up there." Jimmy said patting his
 stomach he too, stood up. Eugene looked at his 4-yr-old daughter, Sharon, who was 
busy playing with Meg and said, "Well, maybe
 not everyone. She has it when she wants to. But she might be hungry..." he said still 
looking at his daughter, a deep frown of concern
 on his face.

 Lindsay couldn't stop herself from smiling. She had never seen Eugene this way. 
So...different, yet completely what she would expect
 of him as a father. She knew Eugene had married Sharon and that she passed away 
while giving birth to this young girl, whom he
 later named Sharon, and that Eugene had since vowed never to neglect her so she 
wouldn't feel the need for a Mom, but the complete
 transformation he took from a lawyer to a father scared her. Scared her that she had 
probably lost touch with her best friends, so
 much so that while everyone just continued to do their work normally, she was staring 
at Eugene with her mouth open...she knew that
 it would sound ridiculous if she mentioned this to anyone, but she couldn't help it. And 
it scared her. 

 She finally tore her eyes away from him , only to land on Rebecca and Lucy laughing 
about something, laughing so hard, it was hard
 to imagine how they were breathing. She tried to remember when was the last time she 
had seen them both together enjoying so
 much... unsuccessfully. *'Guess that's what I've been missing all these years* she 
thought. And she felt the same sharp pang of guilt
 and pain she had felt moments ago. 

 She had left them all.

 She was the one she should be surprised or rather shocked at, not them. When she left 
years ago, she just assumed that they would
 forget about her and carry on with their life, just like she would with hers. She just 
never realised how hard it was going to be. She
 knew forgetting Bobby was just impossible, never going to happen...but she never 
realised how important these people were to her,
 how much of a part they had become of her life. That is, until she actually left. 

 'You don't know what you've got until you say goodbye' She'd heard that song...... 
*How true...*...

 She took a deep breath. What has happened has happened. Que sera sera. She was 
never going to leave them again. Sure, she lost
 connection once, but it wasn't going to happen again.Never. Besides, she wouldn't 
have met Fran if this hadn't happened, would she?
 That's small reconcialation but reconcialation nonetheless. And of course they would 
change, eight years is not a small span of time.
 What was I expecting? That we would still remain just the way we were and hit it off 
again? She shook her head with a rueful smile.
 Really...

 Bobby was asking her something...something about earth and her, "Huh?"she said 
trying to concentrate.

 "Forget that. How about some nice dinner, while its still hot?" he asked with a smile.

 "Sure." *This is good. Very good. And it's time for me to put these guilty thought 
behind me and move on.*

 "Wow! You feeding an army or something?" Ellenor asked eyeing all the food on the 
table. Lindsay smiled and said,

 "Whenever Fran's nervous, she cooks, and she cooks a lot!"

 "Boy, this must have made her REAL nervous for sure." Lucy said as she sat down.

 "Where is she?" Ellenor asked, "I don't see her anywhere."

 "Me neither." Rebecca added.

 "I'm right here." Fran said as she came into the kitchen looking brighter than before. 
Lindsay looked at her closely. She hadn't seen
 her since she went in to pick up the phone, and that was a long time back...she looked 
like she just put a fresh cover of makeup.
 Was it only her imagination or did she do that to hide something...*Probably nothing.* 
she thought with a shrug. But she couldnt
 shake off the queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, that something was wrong.

 "Hope you all like Italian food!" Fran said aloud, as she placed the various kinds of 
cheeses like gorgon-zola, provolone, bel paese and
 herbed mozzarella and various kinds of fruit to follow the spinach and tomato lasagne 
with Bechamel sauce. Her voice had a slight
 tremor as she spoke. She caught Lindsay's concerned eyes and held the gaze for a 
second; before hurriedly turning away as if she
 was feeling guilty about something.

 Something was definetely wrong. And she's going to have to tell her what it was all 
about. And that call...

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

 It was after dinner, and they were all talking , when Rebecca said,

 "Looks like we'll have to go, it's almost eight thirty..."

 "Yeah, we should." Rebecca added. She turned to Fran, "The food was just great. 
Maybe you can teach me how to make the al dente
 so perfectly when you guys come to Boston next week. I never seem to get it right!" 
she said with a embarrassed smile.

 "Sure." She replied, "It's not that hard," she continued with a smile.

 They picked up their purses and other stuff and hugged Lindsay, who was near tears. 
She sniffed and Rebecca said, "We're going to
 miss you." 

 "Me too." She walked them out and watched the get into their cars and waved 
goodbye before saying, "Call me as soon as you get
 there."

 "Once again, that was a great dinner." Mike said to Fran before getting into his car. 
Everyone agreed and waved back.

 "Don't worry, we'll probably reach there by ten." Jimmy replied to Lindsay. She turned 
to Bobby and with a smile she said softly, "It's
 a good thing you're staying or I'd be bawling by now." 

 "Like I'd miss a whole Sunday with you for anything in the world." He smiled and 
added, "Unless of course, it's TWO whole days with
 you." *Or the rest of my life.* he thought to himself. He'd been thinking about that, and 
he'd made up his mind. He was just waiting for
 Helen, Lucy and Fran to do their part...

 Lucy came running back to Lindsay and said urgently, "Lindsay! Helen's calling you!" 

 "Is something wrong?" she asked as she took Lucy's hand and began walking toward 
Mike's car. Helen smiled at Bobby and
 mouthed "All the best" as inconspicuously as possible. He smiled and without wasting 
another second he ran upstairs to Lindsay's
 bedroom and set to work... 

 ______________________________________________________________________________

 I KNOW, I KNOW! no point at all, but from here begins the part I'm scared 
about...actually it was all going to be in the same
 instalment, but I kinda like the ending here :) and though I have the rest of the part 
ready, I want to read the feedback for this part
 before posting that...[I really am insecure, people...so please tell me what u think of 
this before I completely give up! Pleeeeease !!!!!!] 

 sahiti

Hard To Survive - Part 6

 Title: Forever Yours

 Author: duh

 Summary : It is yet another Bobby and Lindsay one, but it has a lot of other characters 
and elements which I'll reveal during the story.
 It takes off from the middle of season four, but is not actually related to any episode in 
specific , except in general. And its about 8
 years in the future, and everyone has a different life now......
 Oh, and it would make more sense if you read part 1 thru 5

 Warning : its going to be a loooong story......

 Disclaimer : I already have a swollen head from all the wonderful feedback you people 
send me, and if you think I could CREATE such
 wonderful characters, oh well, lets just say, my hand wont be able to reach top of my 
head...

 Feedback : pllleeaase do tell me what ya think of this... rageofangels_in@yahoo.com 
or coolcat2136@go.com or Kelly's board:)

 please stay with me on this part people, its sort of weird......

 ____________________________________________________________________________


 He was glad that the flowers were still fresh, considering he and Helen had smuggled 
them in almost four hours earlier, and the
 candles bathed the room in a soft pale glow, giving out a sweet smell..."Perfect." He 
said out loud with a smile. "Almost.." and
 searched for the Frank Sinatra instrumental that Lindsay loved and put it in the CD 
player. He turned down the volume so that it could
 barely be heard. He looked around once again and gave a satisfied sigh, the assorted 
flowers were placed all around the room with a
 small round, scented candle placed right in the middle of each of them. He finally got 
what he wanted. He wanted the surroundings to
 be perfect, but he didn't want it to look over-made up, and the room, as perfect as it 
was, didn't seem like a show-off. The effect was
 tantalising yet subdued. 

 As much as he dreaded this moment, he wanted it. He sure as hell waited for it long 
enough. Long enough to realise what went wrong
 the first time, to know that if he really wanted this, he had to work towards it. Earlier, 
he never believed in that. Working towards a
 relationship. If it was meant to happen, it will, no point in pushing. But this was 
different, he and Lindsay were through so much. It
 didn't make sense to leave it like that. They were meant to be together.

 Helen's words still rang in his head, like they did so many other times..."You're not 
going to find anyone better than her, Bobby." And
 it was true, he never will, because she was the one for him, and no one could change 
that. And today he was finally going to do what
 was destined for them both. And for once, it was something good, something that if 
went well, was totally worth all they've been
 through. The very thought about finally spending the rest of his life with Lindsay made 
him feel something that was beyond
 explainable. His hand reached into the pocket of his trousers. He pulled out a tiny navy 
blue velvet box and opened it. Nestled on the
 satin red stuffing was one of the most beautiful rings he'd ever seen. Elegant and very 
simple. A thick platinum band with three tiny
 diamonds arranged along it. The tiny script on the inside of the ring were two words 
that summed up everything he wanted to say - '
 Forever Yours.' He took a deep breath and looked around once more and decisively 
walked towards the window, pulled back the lacy
 curtain, poked his head out, and coughed. Nothing. He coughed again. Finally Lucy 
came into his view. "All set." 

 "Its about time. I dont think we could've kept her there any longer." She turned around 
to make sure Lindsay wasn't watching them.
 Satisfied, she looked at Bobby,

 "You ready?" He just nodded his head. 

 "Ok." She started to run towards the front gate. 

 "Lucy?" he asked trying his keep his voice as low as possible. She stopped, "Yeah?" 

 "Thanks." he said with a sincere smile. She simply smiled back and ran off.

 She was going to be here any moment now. She was going to walk in, look at the 
room completely surprised and then he'd ask her
 and she'd...she'd... That's when it dawned on him. And it hit him like a truckload of 
bricks..... She could say no. She could just say
 no. He quickly put the ring back in the box and shut it, hoping he could shut out these 
thoughts just like that. His forehead began to
 sweat and he rubbed his sweaty palms on his trousers. He didn't even think about it 
until now, he just took it for granted that Lindsay
 felt just like he did. He hoped that she did. Because if she did, she would say yes. 
That's what he wanted more than anything in the
 world. His heart began to beat faster as he heard her footsteps on the stairs. There 
wasn't much time to think, was there?....She was
 walking across the hall saying, 

 "I can't believe I just spent the last 20 minutes searching for Helen's ring all over the 
place and it was safe with Mike all the-" She
 stopped at the bedroom door with her mouth open and her sentence unfinished. It 
made him smile, not that he had expected anything
 less but...there she was, looking gorgeous as ever, with her hand on the door frame, 
not saying anything. His heart was beating at a
 very unnatural unhealthy pace, and he couldn't do anything about it. He desperately 
wanted it to work out this time. She finally looked
 up to him and gave a tiny uncertain smile,

 "Bo-bby?" she asked as if she wanted to know if he was feeling alright. Her smile got 
even wider as she asked, "What's all this for?"

 He didn't answer her. Instead, he walked towards her, and just looking at her, made 
every single second thought rush out of his mind.
 He wanted this woman, and nothing was going to stop him from having her. Except, of 
course, her. He loved her more that words
 could ever describe and it was almost natural to do what he was about to do. He took 
both her hands in his and looked into her light
 eyes, wondering what he ever did to deserve this wonderful person. Slowly, her utterly 
confused eyes started to clear up and were
 replaced by shock and happiness, and back to blank, beautiful blue eyes. And all it 
took was an instant. 

 * * * * * * * * * * * 

 No, oh God please no. This wasn't happening. Not now. Not when she was just 
beginning to get adjusted. But the more she looked at
 Bobby the more she was certain it was happening. And a part of her wanted to just 
scream out with joy. But another part, a much
 bigger one, wanted to back off. The look in Bobby's eyes was everything she ever 
yearned for, and she was finally looking into them,
 but this wasn't how she wanted it. Not now, not like this....

 "Lindsay?' Bobby asked softly, squeezing her hand ever so slightly. She didn't 
respond, she just squeezed back, she didn't want to,
 but she did. It came out almost as a reflex. Reassured, Bobby looked her right in the 
eye and slowly, softly said out the words that
 were swimming in his mind for the past few hours, 

 "Will you marry me?"

 Every cell in her body screamed out YES!! Say it girl, just say yes! Had it been only 
her mind that ruled her emotions, she'd probably
 have said yes even before he asked, but, unfortunately, it wasn't. It was the most 
natural, rational, level-headed thing to do. But she
 just couldn't do it, something from her heart didn't let her. And she knew what it was 
exactly...She loved him, and there was
 absolutely no denying that, she'd loved him almost her entire adult life, and to be with 
him forever was what she definitely wanted.
 Just...not now. She slipped out her hands from his and crossed them across her chest, 
and looked down knowing that Bobby was
 watching her every move. She just wanted to run away and hide somewhere. She 
didn't want his eyes on her. Not when she was
 doing what she was doing, trying - unsuccessfully - to get past him. He finally moved a 
little so she could squeeze into the room. And
 for the first time, she noticed how beautiful it really was... she had to admit that this 
was definitely one of the most sweetest thing
 he'd ever done for her. She finally got the courage to look at him, and what she saw 
did not help her. At all. His face was a mask of
 worry and dread. Sort of. He still had his eyes trained on her, and it looked like they 
weren't going to leave. Not for a while anyway. He
 was waiting for her to say something......

 "Bobby... I..." and that's all she could say then. Her mind was a total mess, and 
Bobby just standing there, finished doing what he
 wanted to, just waiting for her to do what she wanted to, just didn't help her. She 
wanted him to say that it was okay that she wasn't
 answering, that it was all a big issue and they didn't have to get into it now, 
that...that...she was the most self absorbed person in the
 whole world! He went out of his way to do this for her. She knew how he didn't give 
much importance to where you ask, rather than
 just how you ask, and how much she loved the whole made-up straight-out-of-a-movie 
proposal. And he just did it for her. And he was
 the person whom she wanted it from...

 "Lind-"

 "Bobby, this is so...unex- , uh, soon, isn't it a bit soon?"

 "Soon? Lindsay, we've had eight years to think over..." he was almost pleading, but he 
tried not to show it.

 "Three weeks, Bobby, just three-"

 "EIGHT years and three weeks."

 "Yeah, but...I don't know." she said with a sigh.

 "We've wanted this right from a long time honey, and now we're finally in a position to 
get it all right."

 "But-"

 "And Meghan. She's finally having a Dad and I think she'll love it more to be her DAD 
not her mother's ex-fiancé." 

 "I know, Bobby, but marriage so soon, I mean, we've hardly got ourselves back to a 
relationship, our daughter, and we should be able
 to enjoy that without having to feel the pressure all over again. Look at what happened 
the last time..."

 "Honey, last time's over, done, we're starting all over again.."

 "And if we're starting all over again, isn't three weeks the shortest time ever for a 
couple to get engaged?"

 "We're just starting our relationship again, but we're still the same people."

 "And if we are, then what's the difference from the last time? It's the same."

 "Only, now, we have a daughter!"

 "Yeah, and that's another reason this is good, but..."

 "But?" he prompted her.

 "Nothing."

 "What is it?"

 "Forget it. I'll tell you later."

 "Well, then what's the problem?"

 "It doesn't feel right, Bobby."

 "Why??" he asked, then thought the better of it, "Forget it."

 "No, wait, let me explain."

 "It's ok. Sorry if I seemed too pushy, it s just that..."

 "I'm sorry Bobby, I shouldn't have snapped like that."

 "Whatever."

 "Just listen to me, ok? Let me speak." He nodded and came over to her. Now that she 
had the chance to say what she's been
 feeling, she got ready to tell him everything... except nothing came out. Frank Sinatra's 
music filled the silence that hung over them.
 She wanted to tell him so many things, things which made him understand her now. She 
sighed and settled down on the bed, careful
 not to step on the flowers beside, and Bobby did the same. She took his hand in hers 
and looked up at him,

 "Bobby, we've had a great time these three weeks-"

 "Exactly-"

 "Shh." She said putting her hand up to his lips and with a smile added, "You're gonna 
let me speak right? Or I'm gonna run off for
 another eight years." She regretted it the moment she said it. The hurt and pain in his 
eyes made her want to kick herself for saying
 it. "Sorry, bad joke."

 "Very bad." He said and smiled. Good. They were atleast smiling now, maybe she'll be 
able to make herself clear now.

 "Like I was saying, we've had an incredible time these few weeks, but, we've just 
settled down with all this. We're just getting used to
 it. And marriage... getting married seems like such a big step. Don't you think we 
should wait? It's not like we don't have the time.
 And...and there's lots of other stuff to consider."

 "Like?"

 "Like, you live in Boston, and me here in Quincy, we can't exactly live like that can 
we?" His face registered total shock or rather
 confusion.

 "You mean, you're not- not going to come to Boston? Ever? Lindsay that was your 
home. You can't live here all your life."

 "I don't know Bobby, this really doesn't make any sense to me. And I don't think I'll 
be able to leave this place just like that. I know
 Boston was my home, but that's it, it WAS, but now Quincy is. I've lived here for 
longer than anyone would if they had ever planned to
 go back. It's not going to be easy getting out of here, and all the people here, I don't 
think that's gonna happen." she said, shaking
 her head.

 "You're telling me, you're not going to come back there?"

 "I don't know, I think I will, I KNOW I will, but not right now. And if we plan on 
getting married...I'll have to go or you'll have to come,
 and I definitely want us to be together at Boston. But, these people and this place mean 
a lot to me. More than you can imagine."
 She shook her head slightly, blowing out air through her nose in a rush, the closest she 
could come to a laugh. "It'll be like, I break up
 with you, come rushing down here, wait for eight years, make up with you, and leave 
this place to good ol' Boston." she gave up and
 looked at her hands instead. She had depended so much on Fran and Anthony and 
their neighbours, the Andrew's and they was no
 way she could leave all this, not even for Bobby. Sure, he was almost the most 
important person in her life, but he hadn't been a part
 of it for so many years, it was beyond weird to leave it all. Again. 

 And Meghan. She would love having Bobby as her 'official' father, as she called it. As 
he said, NOT as her mother's
 ex-fiancé-current-boyfriend. The girl finally had what would make her life complete. 
Lindsay had been having guilt trips right from the
 time Bobby proposed and she started to think about herself instead of thinking for 
Meghan. If she'll accept, she was going to have a
 family, her own family. And she loved the idea. Her family, her world. It made her 
smile, she wanted it so badly, it hurt. And she really
 didn't think it was going to be hard to tell Bobby, but then, all the what if? 's came 
popping into her head and she had to consider
 them all, she had to make it into one word. And it was mighty hard. She looked at 
Bobby who was as lost as she was. She cleared
 her throat. She knew she was going to sound very, very silly, but she had to ask,

 "Bobby? Why did you propose?" His reaction was exactly what she had expected.

 "Uh, what?!" his face showing amusement, confusion and a tiny bit of suspicion.

 "Why did you propose?"

 "Why do you think I did?"

 "I, uh, I don't know."

 "Lindsay!"

 "I know, to get married. But where did that come from? I mean, uh, I... well..." she 
was stammering hard. When Bobby didn't
 respond, she said,

 "I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it, ok?" But she didn't. She 
coughed and looked out of the window twice before
 clearing her throat once again. 

 "I know how much you went out of your way for all this," she said gesturing towards 
the flowers with a smile, "so it obviously means a
 lot to you, this whole thing to be perfect and everything. And I want it to be the same 
for me." She was looking at him for some kind of
 response. 

 "Of course, it should." He said, not quite getting her.

 "Yeah, so I want to know, where this came from." He was still confused, so she 
continued, "I know, this might sound silly to you, but
 I have to hear it from you." Bobby stood up and walked towards her and said, 

 "Lindsay, whatever it is, I promise you, you don't have to worry about it sounding silly 
to me or something, because I know what we're
 dealing with here and it's not even remotely silly, and anything concerning it is NOT 
silly, so don't do that again, ok?" he smiled as he
 lifted her chin with his index finger. Reassured a bit, she went on, 

 "I know, we love each other, but getting married... is it because we're in love with 
each other and our daughter and want it come out
 as a family, a strong family, or is it because, now that you know you have a family, you 
want it work out coz you feel responsible or
 something?" One look at Bobby's face and she knew she shouldn't have asked it. "I 
didn't mean to hurt you, Bobby. I just...needed to
 know. Because you've always been like that, finding out that something connected to 
you for which you could have done something,
 but couldn't and then feeling responsible for it and..." she spoke faster with every 
word, hardly noticing that she was rambling. He
 lifted her hand up to silence her, caught her by her shoulders and said firmly but softly,

 "Lindsay, I love you. And nothing's ever going to change that. And now we have a 
daughter and I love her more than anything in the
 world and if there's any chance we could get together as a family, which is very very 
probable, then I will try for it, not because I'm
 feeling responsible for it, but because when all the people love each other in a family, it 
IS a family, you don't have to do anything
 except to see that its there, but lets get 'official' here ok?" he used Meghan's term for it 
and it made Lindsay smile. And he smiled
 back. He circled his arms around her waist and brought his lips down to hers and 
before they knew it, they were both ready to rip off
 each others clothes. They finally came up for air and Bobby's smile was just popping 
off his face.

 "Thanks, Bobby." 

 "So, whaddya think? Wanna marry me?" She was finally getting to the part where she 
could contemplate saying yes to him. But she
 still didn't think she was ready for marriage......

 "You know what? Lets just stay engaged for a while ok? Lets see how it all works out 
and then think about getting married."

 "So that's a yes?" now he was really grinning like an idiot. 

 "Yeah, it is."

 "Wow. Let me do this again."

 "What?!" Before she knew it, he was down on one knee and fumbled about his 
pockets and finally took out a small blue box. But
 before he opened it, he took a bunch of long stemmed roses and held it out to her,

 "Will you marry me, Lindsay?"

 "Yes, I will." She couldn't stop laughing. He was acting so dramatic! She was still 
laughing when he opened the tiny box, he finally
 took the ring out and was about to slip it onto her finger when she stopped doing what 
she was doing and stared at it for a long time
 before looking back at him, her eyes filling with tears.

 "It's so gorgeous Bobby."

 "Maybe, but its nothing compared to you." Tears that she was trying desperately to 
hold back were threatening to spill out as she
 read the script on the inside of the ring. 'Forever Yours'. She gave the ring back to 
Bobby who slipped it onto her finger. She stared at
 it for a little longer and finally the tears came streaming down, and just wouldn't stop. 

 "I love you." She said it with her heart bursting with joy.

 "I love you too." He bent towards her and kissed her lightly on the lips when she circled 
her arms around his neck and pulled him
 closer to deepen it. She fought to keep her tears from flowing, and it wasn't hard when 
she was losing herself in that kiss. They pulled
 back, out of breath. He put his hands below her knees and neck and carried her 
through the short distance to the bed. 

 "By the way, Bobby, the room looks amazing."

 "Ummm, yeah, whatever." He was too darned busy trying to open those stupid, really 
tiny buttons on her dress. 

 ___________________________________________________________________


 Sorry if you too agree with me that it was way too long and rambly and my God, I 
swear, a proposal was never that long! I really am
 sorry, you guys......but, um, I'd still love to get feedbackJ oh yeah, there's more to 
this story, so hang in with me? Please? Thanks:)

 -sahiti

Hard To Survive - Part 7

Title: Dreams To Reality

Author: duh:)

Author's note: First of all, i'm very very very sorry
this has taken so long!! but i have damned good
reasons:) and all those who sent me feedback for the
other parts and those who've sent me mails telling me
that they STILL actually are interested in this fic
[ya know who you are] : THANK YOU!!!! it wouldn't have
made it here without you guys....

Special thanks to Rose. she edited this part for me
and it realllly wouldn't have made it without her:)

Summary : It is yet another Bobby and Lindsay one ,
but it has a lot of other characters and elements
which I'll reveal during the story. It takes off from
the middle of season four, but is not actually related
to any episode in specific , except in general. And
its about 8 years in the future, and everyone has a
different life now.......
it would make more sense if you read part 1 thru 6
though

Part 7: tonnnnnnnnnnnnessssss of Fran for you.... and
you're SUPPOSED to hate Tony, so tell me what you
think of him...oh yes, and this is a very long part...

Disclaimer : blah blah blah 

Feedback : pllleeaase do tell me what ya think of
this, you can guess how much difference it's going to
make....rageofangels_in@yahoo.com or
coolcat2136@go.com or Kelly's board 

_________________________________________________________________________

The change was exhilarating. She was used to sleepless
nights, and mysterious, dark, painful dreams, but it
was all changing now......she had dreamt of pretty things,
not the ones she was used to, the ones she feared, the
ones that didn't let her sleep, the hollow voices
which haunted her. She had always wanted to let go and
sail off into the mysterious path's that those dark
dreams held for her, but she anchored on, and she was
glad she did, because now she could fight back,
knowing that he was going to be there for her. That
they were going to be together forever. It was enough
to drive out the haunting images and live peacefully,
to stop crying herself to sleep and worrying about the
next day...the void that had filled her heart with a
dull ache for such a long time finally began to fill
up, and it was refreshing. The thought of spending
each day with this feeling made her even more happy,
and for as long as she could remember, she hadn't
wanted anything else. Just a little inner peace and a
smile- one that came on its own, not the fake ones she
had gotten used to- and a few moments with her
daughter without feeling the guilt wash over her...she
used to dream about a life like this, a plain ordinary
life, that's all she had ever wanted, and that's what
she had now. Finally, the change from dreams to
reality... and she couldn't have loved it more...

Lindsay could feel the warmth of the sun on her face
and turned around letting her back feel it. She lifted
her arm and reached for the other side of the bed,
wanting to cuddle against Bobby, except she couldn't
feel him anywhere...she opened one eye and stared at the
empty place beside her. In a rush, she brought out her
left hand and looked at the ring and sighed. So it was
not a dream, she was engaged to him, she hadn't dreamt
all that. He was probably in the bathroom or
something, why did she have to panic like that? *God,
what's wrong with me?!* she thought shaking her head
with a smile. It all seemed so unreal. Maybe she was
still in a trance, or maybe she was becoming one of
those clingy-girlfriends who never wanted to let go of
their boyfriends... she used to hate them back in high
school and college! She turned her head slightly till
the tiny green clock came to view...10:26 a.m. Wide
awake now, she slipped out of the bed, put on her robe
and walked into the bathroom expecting him to be in
there, but that was empty too. She brushed her teeth
and went downstairs. The smell of freshly made coffee
was the first thing she noticed. She knew he was the
one there, probably making breakfast. And she was
right, he was flipping pancakes when she went in
silently and hugged him from behind. She snuggled in
and said,

"Something smells really good." 

"Blueberry pancakes?"

"Hmm...no, I think it's you." He turned around so he
could hug her back. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He was about to say something, when Fran entered the
room,

"Buon giorno."

"Mornin'" Bobby replied.

"Mornin'" Lindsay said, more cheerful than usual.

"Si...what? You look as pink as- ...oh my God. You're..."

Their hug tightened around the waist, and Lindsay
blurted out,

"We're engaged!"

She squealed in delight. "I shoulda known, I told you
the walls aren't very thick around here!" Fran said
mischievously. "Just thought I'd wait till morning."
She came around and hugged Lindsay fiercely, before
hugging Bobby. "Congratulations! You guys, this is the
best thing EVER!! Meg is gonna go crazy!" Dabbing the
tears in her eyes with the back of her hand, she
looked at Lindsay, "Finally, I'm going to be a
bridesmaid, I'm telling you, this is the best thing to
happen. For all three of you, and especially Meg.
She's really gonna go ballistic!"

"We're not exactly getting married now..." Bobby said, 
handing her a tissue. Fran looked at Lindsay
incredulously,

"But I WILL be your bridesmaid, right?"

Lindsay swatted her, "Whaddya think?! Ofcourse you
will!"

"Oh, then get married when ya want, I just know you
will. By the way, when did you propose?" she asked
looking innocently at Bobby.

"Last night." He said, trying not to smile too much.
It was entirely Fran's idea to add the candles...

"You should look at the room, hopeless romantic that
you are, you're gonna cry!" Lindsay said, oblivious to
their expressions.

"I'm sure he got it all sweet..."

"Sweet doesn't even describe it, it's just plain
gorgeous!"

"Wow. You're so lucky, getting a guy like that!"

"And I plan to keep him."

"Poor me." Bobby said, mock-seriously. He ducked her
swat.

"You'd better call Helen before she comes rushing
down here." Fran said, before walking out of the room
to brush.

"I'd better." Lindsay said as she walked to the phone.
*Wait, before she comes rushing down here? What would
make her come rushing down here? Oh well...* Lindsay
thought.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

She squealed into the phone,

"I knew it! I knew it, I knew... oh my God, I just
have to hug you!"

"Helen calm down!"

"Where's Bobby? He musta gone crazy!"

Lindsay laughed, "You're the one who's crazy! He's
making pancakes."

"Keep 'em hot, I'll be there in an hour."

"But be careful! I don't want to hear about somebody
who broke her bones coz she was driving too fast only
to hug somebody, k?!"

"Ok, MOM, I'll drive slow and careful, and by then,
you'll be married. And, you know, I think you just
might!"

She laughed again, "Yeah right. Bye."

"Bye."

She put the phone down, she just couldn't stop
smiling,

"It's like they were sure about this...Fran and Helen,
both of them expected this I guess." 

"Uh, yeah." He looked sort of...guilty...

Lindsay eyes widened,

"What, they knew about this?? That's why she's going
to come rushing down here?" 

"Sort of, yeah." She swatted him on the head,

"And there I was, gushing like an idiot! Yeah right,
these walls are real thin, thanks." 

"That's not so bad, is it?"

"Not really, but they musta already known, when you
didn't call them, and there I-" The phone rang again,
cutting her off mid-sentence. Bobby slipped his hand
around her waist, and smiled,

"Fran'll take that, I've got better things in mind." 

"Bobby!!" But pretty soon she didn't mind either.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"I still can't believe this." Helen said again.

"I can't either." Fran said again.

"And that's the seventeenth time you've both done that
again from the time she came here, and that was only
two hours back." Lindsay said again.

"I still can't believe I'm going to be a bridesmaid.
This is going to be my first time, and I've always
dreamt of catching the flowers first."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, I'm going to be there
too, and you bet I'll be some competition." Helen
said, pulling Meghan onto her lap, "And you're going
to be the flower girl."

"You guys are talking as if we're getting married
tomorrow." Lindsay said, brushing her hair back into a
Psyche knot.

"I know, I know, but I can still dream, right?" Fran
said.

"Shit, I gotta go. I told Mike that I'll be home for
lunch."

"You should've brought him too..."

"Yeah, yeah, if I had the time, I would've got all
dressed up too, but I really gotta go."

"Why dont you ask him to come here?" Fran asked as she
passed the cordless to Helen. After a few minutes,
she said, "He's coming."

Lindsay was just saying something about cooking, when
Bobby interrupted her, 

"We don't want Mike running out of here, do we?"

"Come on, I'm not that bad a cook..."

And three pairs of eyes seemed to convey the same
thing : yeah, right

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"Will Tony be at home?" Lindsay asked Fran, referring
to her half-brother Anthony. They were almost done in
the kitchen, "Think I'll go change." Meghan came into
the room and said,

"Mommy!! You're a mess!"

"Great. Just great."

"I keep telling you, the kitchen is no place for you!"
Fran said laughing.

"Just call Anthony." Lindsay said, as she walked out
of the room. 

"Sure." Just as she was about to call him up, the
phone rang,

"'lo?" Fran said into the receiver, and as Meghan
watched, her face drained of color, and she visibly
tensed up. Her dark eyes flashing with red-hot anger,
she yelled into the phone, as if it were the most
despicable thing she had ever know, "I told you not to
call-......non jaccia, lo stupido ...don't say anymore, per
piacere ...what the hell do you think you're talking
about? It's bad enough what you did to me, don't you
dare speak-...pazzo ne...... shut up!" and she slammed the
receiver back. Her posture was menacing as she tried
to drain out the anger. Her entire body shaking badly
she looked like she was going to throw up at the mere
mention of the phone call. Or the one who called. She
had never hated anybody like she hated that person,
and at this moment, the realisation that they called
back to *check* on her made her angry enough to set
out for murder. They could've left her alone, right?
But no, they had to haunt her thruought the day as
well as the night. All she was asking of them was to
forget about her and go on with their damned life! She
tried to calm herself down, she turned around only to
look at Meghan, her wide eyes innocent as always,
staring back at her uncertainly. Finally, she cracked,
she couldn't take more of this, and the realisation
rippled through her like an unwelcome rainstorm. Her
eyes began to water. Barely able to stop her tears,
she bent down, hugged the little girl hard, "I'm so
sorry, Sparrow... baby, I'm so sorry... it's so hard not
to..."

"Didi, 'sokay, are you alright?"

She finally seemed to get hold of herself, and she
wiped her tears as best as she could. "God, Sparrow,
thanks... I don't know what I'd do without you, baby."
She was laughing between tears, "Ofcourse it is. Just
don't let 'em get to you, and you'll be fine!"

"Are you still crying, or laughing?" Meghan asked
uncertainly. This time she laughed.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's no biggie, so if Mom asks, you
tell her it's no big deal, k?" she said as lightly as
possible. Meg nodded, "Are you sure?"

"Sure, I'm sure." She sighed, "And now, I'm a
mess...bellissimo. Gotta call Anthony too." 

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Long time no see Linds,"Anthony said hugging Lindsay
lightly as he came in. Bobby looked at him, and knew
in that second, that he didn't like the guy at all.
Lindsay had told him about Tony once before and though
he listened to every word she said, considering they
once were in a serious relationship (one sided as
Lindsay said ), he couldn't find one thing about him
that he'd like. How they could all be so chummy was
beyond him and how Helen would swoon about his looks,
he wouldn't get either. He thought women, particularly
Lindsay, preferred tall men but this one was short,
maybe an inch or two more than Lindsay. Otherwise too,
he looked just ok, with trademark Italian black eyes
and hair. 

"Yeah, I've been busy, "she replied looking mock-coyly
at Bobby, who was too busy assessing Anthony to catch
it. "What's your excuse?" she asked as she stepped
back. 

"Lets see a new restaurant, the new fall collection,
stock turnover-"

"Ok we get the picture, you were busy," Fran
interrupted. And he was a damned good business man
too. Great, Bobby thought. Pretending to ignore her,
he continued,

"..And to make sure that the next Lindsay doesn't slip
away from me, I've been pumping iron like never
before. Wanna see?" he asked , his voice a meek but
funny attempt at sounding raw or masculine. Or maybe
it was all this flirting that Bobby couldn't stand
about this man. Fortunately for him, she laughed and
said,

"Save that for the next lucky girl."

* * * * * ** * * * * * * 

It continued on till lunch, till Bobby had a hard time
believing that they actually broke up years ago, and
that HE was engaged to Lindsay. He tried telling
himself that it didn't matter how it looked, because
deep down he knew this meant nothing to Lindsay and
that she was probably having fun this instant while he
was sitting there and turning red with petty anger. He
knew his problem wasn't with Lindsay, he trusted her
so much he'd gladly put his life in her hands, but he
couldn't stand the thought of them both together, like
he and Lindsay were right now, it made him wanna puke
his guts out. And he was so full of himself, Bobby
thought. He couldn't understand how Lindsay found that
*funny* at all. She was laughing again at some lame
joke he had cracked. He looked around the table and
noticed he was the only one not even smiling. *This
lunch is so much of fun,* he thought sarcastically.
Maybe it showed on his face, for Fran leaned towards
him and whispered, "Hey, he might be an idiot, and you
might be angry, doesn't mean you can take it out on
one of my fav glasses." At his confused expression,
she pointing to the purple tinted glass he was
unconsiously clenching so hard, it was enough to break
it into pieces. "Oh, sorry bout that." he whispered
back smiling for the first time since Macho Man came
in. He put down the glass and tried to tune in to what
was being said. 

"Whaddya think I should write about this weekend for
the Chronicle?" Lindsay asked remembering that she
still hadn't written for her colomn in the local
weekly newspaper. 

"Bridesmaids." Helen attributed.

"My new Paris fall collection." Anthony said.

"Me." Bobby said.

"Italian food." Mike said. Meg began giggling as they
said it all in unison.

"Whoa." Lindsay lifted her hand to make them stop
*suggesting*. "Thats a lot of stuff."

"Know what you should write about?" Fran said and
before she could reply, continued, "Relationships."

"Yeah, you're in a serious one now, so maybe you
should." Helen agreed.

"That's something, I've never written about it before,
so it should be ok." She thought for a while before
saying,

"Think it will be too mushy if I write about trust?"

"Ah, trust," Tony began, "That's a must."

"Oh no,"Fran said dramatically, "now he's going to
lecture about it like he knows it all." 

"Nah nah, don't worry, I'm not going to do that. Its
just that I don't understand how people can have a
steady relationship if they can't trust each other.
They're some people out there who would say 'I do
trust him/her, but....' I personally do not and cannot
trust anyone who would add a 'but' to it."

"I told you." Fran drawled. 

"Forget trust, write about marriage." Bobby said
before Tony could retort. 

"That'd be great if you can write about people who've
been together for a long time and yet are not married.
Just b'cuz they can't TRUST themselves to stay-"

"I knew he was going to go back to that." Fran
interrupted shaking her head.

"No way," Helen cut in, "Mike and I have been together
for ages and sure do trust each other but we're still
not ready for getting married. "

"You live together?" Tony asked.

"Yep."

"Then I dont see you getting married at all, either
that or when you get married nothing's going to change
for you. It'll all be like how it is now, you both
won't have an exciting marriage. That is IF you tie
the knot." Tony said in his typical I-know-it-all
voice. 

"So you're saying we're as good as married now?" Helen
asked pretending to realise it that very instant. Mike
couldn't stop smiling when he played right into her
hands,

"Absolutely."

"Then I don't see why you can't be a marriage
counsellor, either that or a divorce lawyer, you sure
as hell seem to know everything." Helen replied
imitating Tony to the words, and burst into laughter
as he began to realise that she was making fun of him.

"Maybe that's why he didn't get married as yet." Fran
said cleaning her mouth with the napkin.

"Maybe it's because I'm waiting for the right person
to come along. I don't, afterall, fall into the hands
of every other person on the way, like SOME people i
know,"he said a little too sternly. She jerked her
head towards him,

"Or maybe she did and you pushed her away coz you
couldn't bear to trust her with yourself or just plain
couldn't trust her! Just like you can't trust me or
anyone around you." It didn't take long for anyone to
understand that this wasn't part of their
conversation. The clatter of spoons around the table
seemed to stop and it seemed like an eternity before
either of the brother or sister lowered their glares. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Finally, the awkward silence that started during lunch
had lifted. She shared Helen's concern that something
was wrong with Fran, but like her, she couldn't be
sure. When they were leaving, it was clear even to Meg
that the tension in the room couldn't have emitted
more from Fran. Now that they were all gone, except
Bobby, Lindsay wanted to talk to her, but she didn't
know if that would do any good. For as long as she'd
known Fran, she had never seen her so out of it, or so
confused, and if something WAS wrong, then she'd have
to wait for Fran to make the first move, because no
matter what anyone would do, she wouldn't budge. But
she couldn't help but get worried. Lindsay walked into
her bedroom and saw Bobby engrossed in watching the
T.V. She saw the screen, and asked almost
incredulously,

"You're watching Meg's tape again?"

"Yeah." he said, smiling broadly. She shook her head,
"You're hopeless."

"Hmm?" 

"Absolutely, no doubt about it." She settled
comfortably on the bed, and within minutes, was
engrossed too... It was a tape they had recorded when
Meg was born, with Fran doing a pretty good job,
despite Lindsay's screams in the delivery room; and
progressed on as Meg grew, from the time she first
walked, her first few words, which was lucky because
they were only testing the recorder, when Meg stood
near the window gripping the sill, and pointed out to
a sparrow and squealed "row, row!" Lindsay smiled as
she saw that, and remembered how Fran refused to call
her anything but 'Sparrow' for a long time then...The
tape showed Meg running across a huge lawn her dimpled
arms raised high and screaming "Mom-my! Mom-my!"
Lindsay just had to laugh! 

"Everyone thought that sounded more like 'Mom me, mom
me!' , specially Anthony, he teases me about it even
now!"

"It does sound like that," he said guardedly. Whatever
was wrong with that man and his sister, they had
cleared up Bobby's mind once and for all. There was no
way he was going to enjoy this relationship with his
family if he kept adding his 'but'. They were silent
till the tape ended, and as he began putting in the
second cassette, he was about to tell her what had
been going on in his mind for the past few hours, but
one look at her troubled face and he changed his mind.
*What she doesn't know, won't hurt her*. Instead he
asked,

"Is everything ok with Fran?"

She sighed, "I don't know..."

"Are they always like that?"

"No, thats the worst part, they love each other so
much! It doesn't make sense for them both to act like
that... I don't know what to do, it's eating me up
that I can't do anything, but at the same time there's
nothing I can do except wait. "

"Why don't you try talking to her?"

"That will only, I dunno, alienate her more. Besides,
I've never done that before, when she got upset. Not
that she was this fragile then, but..."

"Hey, you should atleast try... you just said yourself
that she wasn't this upset before, maybe she needs you
to do it this time."

"You think?"

"I don't think there's any harm in trying."

"I guess so...I think I'll try right now. Thanks Bobby."


But he was much too engrossed in watching the tape to
hear what she said. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * 

She was threading, and she knew it was now or
never...she was here for almost half an hour, trying to
make small talk... and had just seen her stuffing her
diary in a hurry into the desk, and she looked nervous
as hell...

"Are you ok?" Lindsay wavered.

"What?... I mean, why?" Fran asked clipping her hair
back.

"You seem, I don't know, out of it."

"What do you mean, out of it? And why is this suddenly
popping up?"

"The whole trust-is-a-must thing back there? What was
that all about?"

"What about it? I was just-"

"Come on, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong! Why are you getting so worked up
'bout that?" 

"You're the one getting all worked up! I just asked
what was wrong-"

"And I'm telling you, nothing is-"

"Yeah, right."

"Dont 'yeah, right' me-"

"Then why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

"Maybe I don't want to, ok?"

"So something is wrong."

"What if it is? It has nothing to do with any of this,
and you just got engaged, these are not things you
should be thin'king aboout!" she grew tenser with
every word, bringing out her Italian accent more than
ever. Lindsay sighed. She knew this wasn't going to
work. Obviously this wasn't going to make things any
better. She wanted to shake her up, and make her spill
out whatever was bringing her down from a strong,
frank woman, to this utterly shattered, confused one.
She wanted her to cry everything out. But she knew
better than to expect that. She knew that the strong
woman lurked somewhere behind this broken one, and she
also knew, that it was only that woman who could do
what she couldn't. Meanwhile, she grew increasingly
aware of the vulnerable expression on Fran's face. And
decided to thread in again, 

"Fran, what is it?" And just as soon she got a steely
glare from Fran,

"Why doesn't everyone just leave me alone?! Why the
hell do I have to say this over and over again?? LEAVE
ME ALONE."

She had never felt this defeated or lost in her
entire life. Had it been someone else, she might as
well have slapped her, but this was her best-friend.
She couldn't count the number of times in the past few
years when she would've been lost if it weren't for
Fran. It was only because of her, that she was where
she was, and she would never dream about deserting or
alienating her during what looked to be her hardest
time. 

She walked out of the room, hugging herself tight.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Great. Just great. She just about threw away the only
thing that was right in her life. And with what
finesse! She wouldn't have believed it if she wasn't
the one who did it. She banged the door shut and slid
down to the floor, trembling all over. And let the
tears flow. Atleast she was doing one thing Lindsay
would have wanted her to. 

It wasn't a great life she was living. The man she
loved, or atleast thought she loved, was deserting
her, she had to find out awful truths about few people
she loved, and her brother was about as supportive as
water...and to top it all off, she couldn't tell one
thing to Lindsay, and the only hope she might have had
to do it...she had to throw it away.

This was all a dream once, no, a nightmare, a
nightmare that was just supposed to stay where it was,
she didn't want them then as dreams even, but now she
would gladly have accepted that feeble stage when
compared to where she was now...the change from dreams
to reality...and she couldn't have cursed it more... 

_______________________________________________________________________________

i dont care how much you hated it, just send me
feedback so i can know if you want me to continue it
or not:)...um, please would you try to be nice? pretty
please? i'm begging you...

Hard To Survive - Part 8

Title: Too Late

Author: duh:)

Author's note: First of all, I'm very, very, very sorry this has  taken so
long! But I have damned good reasons:) and all those who  sent me feedback
for the other parts and those who've sent me mails  telling me that they
STILL actually are interested in this fic [ya  know who you are]: THANK
YOU!!!! It wouldn't have made it here  without you guys....

Summary: It is yet another Bobby and Lindsay one, but it has a lot of
other characters and elements, which I'll reveal during the story. It
takes off from the middle of season four, but is not actually related  to
any episode in specific, except in general. And it's about 8 years  in the
future, and everyone has a different life now.......  Oh, and it would make
more sense if you read part 1 through 7.

Part 8: This part is sorta the twist in the tale, so if there's more  about
Fran than it is about B and L, I'm sorry and I promise it's not  going to
continue in the next part, as that one's going to be a lot  about Lindsay.
Anyway, I tried my best to make it more about DEK's  characters than mine,
but I don't think I was successful...... oh and I'm  using alternate scene
pattern, alternating between Fran and Lindsay,  starting with Fran.

Special thanks to Tracy for proofreading this for me. And as always  to all
those who've read this already- thanks for your support!

Disclaimer: It might be fun to get sued; besides I have a lot of my
characters in this one, so they might not notice:)

Feedback: pllleeaase do tell me what ya think of this, you can guess  how
much difference it's going to make.... rageofangels_in@yahoo.com
 ________________________________________________________


She was supposed to meet Lindsay, Meg and Bobby at her brothers  place, but
she had a feeling she wasn't going to be much company to  them. They were
going to ride horses today, and she sure as hell was  not up for hours of
galloping, looking and feeling the way she was.  She should be getting
ready and leaving by now, but there she was, on  the bed, curled up and
soiled with tears. And heed be here any  minute; shell have to tell him the
truth. It was  now or never, because she was ready to give up and let go.

The ringing of the phone, the one thing she would have no trouble
destroying, cut her train of thoughts. She picked it up, and before  she
could say anything, she heard the low electronically modulated  voice that
had been torturing her for the past few months say,

"Fran, honey, its over. There's nothing you can do now." And he  laughed
his mirthless laugh again.

 * * * * * * * * * *

"This is just great," Lindsay muttered to herself. Tony was supposed  to be
home now, but oh what a shocker, he wasn't. And he didn't even  tell her
where he was going. Typical Tony.

"He might be coming pretty soon," Bobby said, trying to keep her mind  off
of Fran. Sure, Fran was going through a lot of things, but  Lindsay just
wasn't giving her enough space, or so he thought. He  could see the worry
she had for Fran and couldn't help feeling sorry  for both of them. And
just when he thought things were okay, Tony had  to ditch them.

She looked up at him, and her eyes were filled with the kind of panic  and
worry that he had never seen before and it made him want to kill  Anthony.

"Dad, come on, lemme show you my horse!" Meg squealed beside him,  pulling
him to the back of the house, towards the stable. Lindsay  smiled, if there
was one thing that cheered her up, it was Meg doing  things like that.

"There he is!" Meg said pointing to a brown pony with a long shiny  mane,
"I named him Melting Chocolate," she continued patting it.

"That's a great name," Bobby said smiling.

"Of course it is, I thought of it!" She pointed to the horse behind  hers
and said, "That's Sammy, Mom rides him all the time." As if on  cue, the
horse looked up and Lindsay untied it to ride it.

"What's that one's name?" Bobby asked looking at the black one beside
Sammy.

"That one's Stellina. It's Fran's favorite horse in the whole world!"

*God, I hope Fran's OK, * Lindsay thought as she climbed onto Sammy.  She
had not felt good about leaving her right from the beginning, but  she
thought she was being too pushy and she had backed off. Now she  regretted
it. She couldn't stop or ignore the feeling in the pit of  her stomach that
something was terribly wrong...

 * * * * * * * * * *

She pulled out another tissue and wiped her face again. She wasn't  going
to take this any longer. She had to tell Lindsay before it was  too late.
She picked up the phone to call her, but decided against  it, not knowing
that this might be her only chance. Instead she  walked into the bathroom
to freshen up. She splashed cold water on  her face and looked up into the
mirror. Pale face, bloodshot eyes.  She stared for a few more moments and
suddenly she felt her knees go  weak. He was here. She could see his
reflection. She turned around  and felt her heart soar. It wasn't HIM! It
was Tony! She would've run  up to him and hugged him but she just didn't
have the energy to, so  she just stood there waiting for him to say
something.

"What the hell is up with you?" he asked angrily, his breath full of
alcohol.

He had been drinking? *That's just fantastic, now he was going to  love
what I have to tell him,* Fran thought sarcastically. She felt  weak. So
weak...

"Tony, please, calm down-" was all she could say before she felt her  legs
give away.

"Get up!" he screamed, "Tell me what you did now!"

 * * * * * * * * * *

"Bobby, I'm getting really worried. It's not like her to be so late."

"Honey, I'm sure she's fine. She's a big girl, she can take care of
herself."

"I'm not too sure." She said, the growing sense of panic reaching her
chest, "Its just not like her."

"Call her then," he said, giving her his cell. After a few rings, she
said,

"She's not home."

"She must've left already, stuck in traffic I guess."

"I sure hope so."

 * * * * * * * * * *

He had slapped her. It hurt so much, and her head ached too, maybe  she'd
hurt it. She vaguely remembered Tony leaving in a rush  afterward. He'd
never slapped her since they were kids and she had  lost his favorite
Baseball card. But at least she had told him, that  was all that mattered.
She still had to tell Lindsay. She was feeling  so guilty about not telling
her. And now she wanted to do it face-to- face, wanting to let her know
that she was really sorry about  everything...

She heard a noise from behind her and turned around only to face the
window...... Didn't Tony leave? Did he come back again? She peeked out of  the
curtain and saw the one person she had never dreamed she would  see. Not
here, not now. But as she remembered that horrible voice,  she realized
with a sinking sensation that it had to be him. He was  the one?! He was
the one calling her! Suddenly the distorted voice  seemed so familiar. It
was right before her, how could she have  missed that?! Now that the last
few pieces of the puzzle were falling  into place, she just had one
unanswered question: Why would HE do it?  The dizziness threatening to make
her fall off again, she tried to  remember anything about him that would
make him want to kill her, to  give her such a slow painful death... Except
nothing came to her mind.  All her mind would focus on was one thing. With
a sudden rush of  adrenaline she ran to the phone and punched in Bobby's
cell number.  *Pick up babe, pick it up, please, you're my last hope...* She
could  hear his footsteps on the carpeted stairs. She barely had time
before  he could undo the lock of her door. Meanwhile, she heard Lindsay's
panicky greeting on the other end and screamed, "Lindsay!" He was  beside
her and before she knew it, he pulled the phone from her.

"Told you there's nothing you can do now, its too late doll." And he
laughed his mirthless laugh again.

 * * * * * * * * *

"Meg, go inside and stay there till I come back, OK?" she barely said
before she ran to the car and started the engine, with Bobby right  beside
her.

"What did she say?" he managed to ask. She was trying to take deep
breaths, slow and steady; but that didn't stop her tears, nor did it
steady her.

"She's.. She's terrified Bobby!" she couldn't bear to say more. She  was
terrified too, and she feared what would happen if what she was  thinking
was right. It can't be, she told herself. If it is, it's too  late. Tears
rushing down her cheeks, she tried not to think about the  male voice she
had barely heard on the other end. It was so menacing.  She gulped hard,
and turned to the main road and drove the rest of  the way in a mad rush.

 * * * * * * * * * *

"What do you want?" she asked meekly.

"You," he drawled, "All I ever wanted was you, I still do," he  continued,
tracing the outline of her jaw with his gloved  fingers. "And if I can't
have you, nobody can, got that?" When she  didn't respond, he repeated,
"Got that?" She still didn't respond. He  sighed, "Not that it's going to
matter anymore. I've told you time  and again, its over. It's just too
late." And with that, he pulled  out a small black pouch from under his
jacket and began  undoing the knots of the rope covering the knife.

 * * * * * * * * * *

"He was saying that it was too late Bobby, I heard him say it... she's
terrified," she said, her voice void of any emotions. As if she had
already decided what was to come, like she had accepted it and was  too
scared to act on it. She could make out the rush with which Fran  had
called her, hoping she would be able to do something for her; she  was
trying to, and she hoped she could...... She drove the car  subconsciously and
her conscious seemed to be reminding her of just  one thing, *I should
never have left her alone...*

 * * * * * * * * * *

Done. He'd done it. Now the whole world could come here and he  wouldn't
give a damn. At last his pulse came down to normal. It would  peak whenever
he would see her, without him; she would be laughing or  joking and it
would kill him not to be a part of it. He had wanted to  do this from the
time she had told him it was over between them, that  she didn't want to
see him anymore. She had told him so tenderly,  like she didn't want to
hurt him. But she did. Oh how she did. She  belonged to him, she should
have understood that, but she didn't and  now she had to pay for it like
this. He looked down at her, and a  satisfied smile came to his face as he
saw her hair matted to the  floor in a pool of blood. She had made him
crazy!...

And now he would rest.

 * * * * * * * * * *

She was bleeding badly and she knew that. She couldn't feel his presence
any longer, but she heard Lindsay scream when she saw her, Bobby protests
at trying to get her away, Lindsay's wails and Bobby trying to control her
and call the police. Then she heard the police and the ambulance come in.
She felt herself being lifted onto the stretcher and the nurse saying she
felt a slight pulse, then Lindsay gripping her hand and saying something
she couldn't understand, and she thought to herself, *It's OK, Lindsay, let
me go, I have to. You can figure out what's going on, I have to go now, I
can't stay any longer......* She tried to lift her hand and point out the
cabinet where she kept his letters, trying her best to help, and then she
felt herself drifting off into a peaceful sleep. So peaceful, after such a
long time......

* * * * * * * * * *

TWO HOURS LATER -

 * * *

"I'm sorry, we tried our best, but we just couldn't save her," the  doctor
calmly said.

She sat rigidly on the chair and refused to believe what he was saying to
her. How could she? There was no way Fran would ever leave her. She was
always around, she could almost feel Fran beside her, cracking up at the
practical joke they were all playing on her. She could feel Bobby's arms
around her, and she rested her head on his shoulder. "She didn't leave me
Bobby, she never would..." He was smoothing her hair and rocking her in his
arms, he didn't know what to say to her. It wouldn't help, she was still in
denial... "Sshh, its okay," he repeated over and over again. She smiled an
emotionless smile, "I know its okay, she's right here, she would never
leave me. She's probably with Meghan right now, laughing about the joke
they're all playing on Mommy. Are you in it too Bobby? And the doctor, is
he in on it?" suddenly tears were rushing down her cheeks and she was
pleading, "Say you are! Please..." Her body racking with sobs, she was
digging into Bobby's shirt with her fingers.

The doctor walked into the room, and upon seeing them, especially her, so
broken, he didn't have the heart to tell them that Ms. Caliandro's baby
would've survived if she weren't only four months pregnant. But they
probably knew that and they would've understood that the baby was gone
before it even came.

And he walked out shrugging, not realizing the importance of the little
information he was keeping to himself. The importance of the piece of
information that Fran had kept to herself until her last day, along with
the pain she had gone through from the time she came to know the truth
about TLA. The Law Associates, where she and Lindsay worked. Where Lindsay
would face the danger now.

 _________________________________________________________________

FEEDBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS - Oh I like the cliffhanger here, my very first one:)

Hard to Survive - Part 9

Title: Believing Reality

Author: duh:)

Author's note: First of all, I'm very, very, very sorry this has taken so
long! and all those who sent me feedback for the other parts and those
who've sent me mails telling me that they STILL actually are interested in
this fic [ya know who you are]: THANK YOU!!!! It wouldn't have made it here
without you guys....

Summary: It is yet another Bobby and Lindsay one, but it has a lot of other
characters and elements, which I'll reveal during the story. It takes off
from the middle of season four, but is not actually related to any episode
in specific, except in general. And its about 8 years in the future, and
everyone has a different life now.......Oh and it would make more sense if you
read part 1 through 8

Part 9: it tells you all that has happened in the six months after the
murder

Disclaimer: my characters, all mine...... Lets see if anyone sues me now, like
I already said once, it might be fun.

Feedback: pllleeaase do tell me what ya think of this, you can guess how
much difference it's going to make.... rageofangels_in@yahoo.com  or
Kelly's board

____________________________________________________


SIX MONTHS LATER -

* * * * * * * * * *

Lindsay slowed down the car as she approached a railway track stop. She
pressed her forehead against the glass, taking in the brilliance of the
afternoon sun gleaming on the other cars around them. She was going back to
Quincy after spending a long time in Boston. This was the moment she had
once loved at the end of a trip, the sense of coming home. But today, she
passionately wanted to be able to stay in the car, to go wherever the roads
would take her.

"It's so hot," Meg complained from behind. Her heart nearly broke everytime
she thought about Meg and how she was taking all of this. Fran was around
from the time she was born and nothing was ever going to make this easy for
her. She cried, she asked, she remembered. But she never ever forgot.
Lindsay knew she wasn't going to in the future either. And it broke her
heart.

"It is," Bobby agreed, turning the direction of the AC blinds more towards
Meghan, ending the conversation. She was relieved, the last thing she
needed right now was another hour long talk about trivial matters. Every
one was doing it, and she didn't feel like telling them to stop, because
she knew they were only doing it for her. They were almost on the outskirts
of Quincy now. There was a faint bump as crossed the railway tracks. To
deter any more questions, Lindsay made a business of concentrating on the
tiny specks of cars she could see from far off...... She felt rude shutting
them all out. But she felt better this way. She cried alone, and it made
the pain somewhat less. If Fran were here, she thought, she would have been
driving the car singing along to some stupid song on the radio.

Were here. Would have been. After all these months, it was time the reality
of her death set in. And the fact that she had hid from her one of the
biggest things she had ever faced... She slowed down again due to traffic. A
newsstand just beside where she stopped had the weekend edition of the
Quincy Chronicle. She couldn't help but notice the sub-headline: TRIAL
BEGINS DAY AFTER. She knew the lead word to word; she had read it over and
over again in Boston. It read: "A visibly angry Judge Michael Winters
scathingly denied further postponement in the murder trial of Quincy
millionaire Anthony Pasquale DiFabio." Half of the article was covered with
a blowup of Tony's face. There was a stunned bitterness in his eyes, a
rigid set to his mouth. It was a picture snapped right after he had learned
that he had been indicted for the brutal murder of his half-sister,
Francessa Caliandro.

* * * * * * * * *

As she sped toward the city, Lindsay remembered the article- a rehash of
the details of Fran's death and the evidence against Anthony. It was a very
short one, but held everything she knew about Fran's last day. Her photo
was splashed across the bottom end of the paper. In it, she had a hint of
softness in her eyes, a suggestion of vulnerability that contrasted with
the arrogant tilt of her chin and the mocking expression in her eyes.

As she took a left turn, she heard Bobby say something, but couldn't
register what. Before she could ask him to repeat it, he said, "Never
mind." She stopped the car, "Here we are," she said picking up her purse
from below her seat. She looked at Bobby's surprised face and the way he
was staring at the house behind confused her. Startled, Lindsay looked up.
She had stopped in front of 81-A, Herthwood Street. The purse slid off her
lap. Her hands shook as she fumbled for the keys to start the engine again.
Unthinkingly, she had taken the wrong turn. This was where she used to
live. This was where Fran breathed her last, where Tony had supposedly
murdered Fran. Here, in a drunken rage, he was accused of plunging the
knife into her body. Thrice.

Lindsay began to shiver uncontrollably at the image she couldn't banish
from her mind: Fran on the floor wrapped in her favorite white satin
pajamas, drenched in reddish brown; her long dark hair scattered around
her, matted to the floor...... She forced herself to stay calm, to take deep
breaths..... And always the questions...... Was she conscious? How much did she
realize? How awful those last seconds must have been for her.

If I had stayed with her, Lindsay thought again, it never would have
happened......

* * * * * * * * * *

She had to read that article again, something compulsive within her made
her reach out and buy one. She'd read it a billion times already, but it
was just that sitting there thinking about Fran like she was some foreign
creature, some mysterious specimen they had to find out the truth about,
instead of the one she loved...... she couldn't stand it for much longer.
She wasn't sure how she'd be getting through this if Bobby wasn't there to
take over. She pulled over and let him drive the rest of the way, while she
read it again-

TRIAL BEGINS DAY AFTER

     'A visibly angry Judge Michael Winters scathingly denied further
postponement in the murder trial of Quincy millionaire Anthony Pasquale
DiFabio, indicted for the brutal murder of his half sister, Francessa
Caliandro. The trial has been set for August 29th, and is said to allow the
press in only on the day of the verdict, firm to keep the evidence under
cover. Mr. DiFabio, known most famously for his fabulous designer label
DiFabio Creations, and his chain of restaurants, DiFabio Chain of Resorts,
was supposed to meet his sister on the said day, but turned up drunk. He
had lately been going into losses, maily because his multi million resort
project had banked heavy losses, and the motive has been changed from the
initial crime of passion. Ms. Caliandro's unknown fortune left by her
father, in case of any emergency, would be left for Mr. DiFabio and is
estimated to be around three million dollars. A lot for a man in trouble.'

     'He refuses to comment on any of this and inside sources revealed that
he has been visiting a few well-known psyciatrists, all of whom agree that
he has blocked out the horrific incident, leaving no scope for him to
defend himself. It comes down to the few people who saw him leave hastily.
Unless the murder weapon turns up, in his favour or otherwise.'

The article was cut off for a blowup photo of Tony, and resumed only to
revise about Fran and how she left. She kept on reading, not wanting to
break off and start thinking again-

     'Ms. Caliandro was stabbed to death on March 12th, twice in her chest
and once in the stomach. The murder weapon has not been found yet, but the
post mortom revealed that it most probably had to be a six inch razor
blade, or a kitchen knife. Ms. Caliandro, who had been living with a Ms.
Lindsay Dole and her daughter, was pregnant by four months during the time.
Their neighbour, sixteen year old Amy Andrews, places Mr. DiFabio in the
vicinity of the scene of crime during the time of death, which is
speculated to be between 3:30 and 4:30 that evening. The funeral took place
in Quincy on March 17th.'

It was cut off again to show a photo of Fran in her best. Lindsay refused
to even look at it, but finally stopped reading. The rest of the article
only talked about Tony's place in the society, his achievements, and his
lack of lady love due to his temper and drinking problem.

She'd had enough of this. Either Tony speaks up or the damning murder
weapon is found, and all these charges could be dropped.

* * * * * * * * * *

After two months of absence, her room in Tony's huge bungalow seemed close
and stuffy. She picked up the mail and was surprised to see a letter with a
return address OFFICE OF THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

"Now what?" she muttered out loud as she began tearing it open. From when
did they start sending letters of confirmation? Even reading the newspaper
and going to her old house had not prepared her for this letter and its
possible effects on her lifestyle from now on. Her mouth went dry. The
walls seemed to close in around her. The hours she had spent trying to
prepare herself for the case flashed through her mind. The time she had
fainted as she was shown photos of Fran's body in the DA's office. Oh God,
she thought, it was starting all over again...

Bobby hugged her from behind; it was the only thing he could do then. She
was so delicate and though she tried to shut them all out, he knew when she
needed him and when she didn't. And he tried to make himself available at
all times.

The letter was brief; it was a confirmation that Bobby should call as soon
as he returns from Boston and immediately report whether or not he would be
representing the defendant. He didn't want to take the case initially when
he was asked, fearing what it would do to Lindsay. But Lindsay was the one
who finally convinced him to take it. He could still remember her saying,
"Bobby, as certain as I am that I could kill the one who's responsible for
this, I'm certain it isn't Tony. It just can't be him, he would never do
anything like that to her. It has to be someone who carefully planned out
all this, someone she knows well. Very well." She had taken that deep
breath that told him she was verge of tears and whispered, "Just not Tony."
He had hugged her and held her in his arms till he could feel her composing
herself.

He was free to take up this case now; it was one of the reasons she had
gone to Boston along with him, other than to get away from all the
pressure. He tried to finish all his work, so that he could concentrate on
this case. But he still hadn't decided who would be second chairing him.

Meanwhile, she had to call Tony and tell him Bobby would be his lawyer for
the time being. She knew he'd be okay with that. Now she had to decide if
she was. She knew it couldn't be him from the bottom of her heart, but the
thought that he was indicted for the murder, and she was going to be a part
of his defence, didn't make her feel so good within. When she had asked
Bobby to take the case, it was in the best interests of Tony. Not her's.
And definitely not Fran's.

* * * * * * * * * * *

"You sure you're up for this?" Bobby asked as they got out of the car in
front of the DA's office building. They had a deposition that afternoon,
but the DA had called to ask if they could possibly do it right then. And
Lindsay wanted to come along too, so for the time being they had told them
that Lindsay would be second chairing. He feared if she would be ready for
this right then, and kept asking her that.

"I told you Bobby, I'm really ok, alright?" she said frustrated. She didn't
want to be treated like a kid, and he of all the people should know that!
That made her even more angry. Why can't everyone just leave me alone?! she
thought to herself. As soon as she realised what she was thinking, she
stopped walking. Thats what Fran said when they had that argument the day
before she- she... left. Frustrated tears welled up in her eyes and before
Bobby could notice that, she resumed walking and tried her best to stride
confidently into the building.

The DA, Jeffery Cobbers, let them in and apologised for the sudden change
of plans.

"It's my fault really," Amy said, standing up, "I want to get this over
with before I take Nana to the hospital today." One look at Lindsay
concered face, and she added, "For her check up that's all."

"I want to get this over with too, so lets get started," Lindsay said,
settling down on the hard backed chair.

"Lets make this quick. Amy tell us what you exactly saw, this is on record,
so make sure about what you're telling us," Bobby said clearly taking over.

"Ok, sure," Amy replied. "I usually baby-sit Meg for Lindsay and that day,
um, March 12th, Lindsay said she might have to leave Meg home, but she
didn't call back to confirm so I assumed she didn't need me then. Around
three in the afternoon, I came back from my ballet class and Nana told me
that Lindsay had called. So I wanted to go over to their, uh, her house; I
looked from my window to check if anyone was in and their house looked
empty except for Fran's bedroom, where the light was switched on. I found
that odd, because usually around that time, Fran rides horses at Tony's
place. I checked my watch to see if it was the right time, when I heard
screeching of tyres on their driveway-"

"What time was it then?" Bobby interupted.

"Three fourteen exactly."

"Sure?"

"I saw my watch the exact same time as I heard the screech, I can't be
mistaken."

That seemed to satisfy him as he said, "Ok, go on."

"Well, then I saw Tony get out of the car, and he was drunk, I mean really,
really drunk. He was staggering like hell as he walked across to the door-"

"How could you see all this?" Bobby interrupted again.

"Their driveway is facing their backdoor instead of the usual patio thing,
coz their house is on the corner of the lane, sharing both the lanes,
Herthwood and Fowler. And I live right behind them, Fowler lane, with my
window facing their back door."

Very convinient, he thought, before he asked her to continue.

"He slammed the door behind him, so I couldn't possibly know what went on
inside. I didn't know what to do, I assumed Tony was on his drinking
campaign again." Seeing everyone except Lindsay slightly confused or
amused, she said, "He gets, um, sorta drunk sometimes for no reason, and
has the worst hangovers ever. I just call it his drinking campaign, for,
uh, no reason."

He's a bloody drunkard too, Bobby couldn't help thinking, he makes a great
defendant.

"Anyways," she continued, "I came back again curious about what was
happening and found his car missing from the driveway-"

"How long after did you check again?" Lindsay finally spoke.

"I took my shower and finished typing up my English assignment, so I'd say
about fourty five minutes."

"And you didn't hear anything during that period of time?" she asked.

"I was just getting to that part, I was really concentrating on my
assignment, and though I can't be sure, I thought I heard Fran shout, it
wasn't a scream of help or anything, just a loud voice, so I figured she
was just shouting at Tony for getting drunk again-"

"When was this? I mean, can you tell us the time when you heard her shout?"
Bobby asked.

"I was almost at the end of my assignment, which is why I didn't check
right then, I wanted to finish it once and for all before I got up from
there. It musta been around 3:50 or something. Anyway, after that, about 15
minutes later, I saw a black two door sedan speed off from there. I'm sure
it was Tony's."

"But you just said that you found his car missing," Bobby stated, confused.

"Just missing from where he had parked it earlier. He could've gone out and
come back, I dunno, but I'm sure it was Tony's car that sped off." Before
he could interrupt her again, she continued, "His sedan has a chrome yellow
symbol of his designer wear collection on the right end of the bumper, and
it can be seen pretty clearly on the black surface."

"Thats it?" Bobby said when she stopped talking, relieved that it had gone
over without anything that could upset Lindsay more than she already was.

"Pretty much," Amy said, looking at Jeferry Cobbers.

All this is curcumstantial, Lindsay thought, Bobby can get him off in a
second. With no murder weapon, this case was a breeze. She was so worried
about what Amy would say that could hurt this case, and though she made a
pretty good witness, she couldn't really hurt it. Which is good, she told
herself, trying hard not to think about Fran. Really, really good. Then why
did she have the feeling that this case wasn't going to get past so easily?

"Call me on my cell if you find out anything," Bobby said, before leaving.

* * * * * * * * * *

Before they could reach their car, Lindsay heard Amy calling out to her.
She waited for her to catch up. When she did, she said,

"Lindsay, I wanted to let you know, that I dont want to do this, but they
told me that I had to-"

"Hey, it's ok, don't let that worry you," Lindsay said trying to smile. She
knew Amy from the time she was an nine year old kid. It didn't take a
rocket scientist to figure out how uncomfortable this must be making her.

"Are you sure?" she asked uncertainly.

For once, she didn't mind being asked that. "Yeah."

"Cool. Um, call me? I mean, if you want to leave Meg or something," she
said, a smile spreading across her face. For the first time since the
deposition, Lindsay noticed the cheerful expression returning to her
slightly freckled face and the bounce returning to her sixteenyear old five
foot seven frame.

"Ofcourse. Why dont you come over sometime?" Lindsay suggested.

"Sure," she said, before running off to her car.

* * * * * * * * * *

"I dont remember a thing Lindsay, that's whats so frustrating!" Tony was
saying to her cracking under all the pressure. They came home straight form
the DA's office, to find Tony walking around, paranoid. She didn't know
what to say, so she kept quiet. She was trying to tell herself that she was
only giving him the benifit of the doubt, but it became harder and harder
when he looked at her and said that.

Yeah, well, thats coz you conviniently blocked it out, Bobby wanted to say
sarcastically. He atleast looks innocent, he thought, when he's not drunk
that is.

"I remember drinking, going to meet her, thats all, but after that...." he
said helplessly, "She told me she had something important to discuss, and I
was the only one who knew she was pregant. I refused to believe she was-"

"Why?" Bobby couldn't help but ask.

"Because we weren't brought up in a way to go around and make babies
Bobby," he said tersely.

"Nobody is," Bobby said equally terse, Tony's routine getting on his
nerves.

"Stop it, both of you," Lindsay said looking at both of them.

Tony sighed, "What I mean to say is, we were brought up in a very
conservative family, where a woman becomes pregnant only after marriage.
It's our culture, I can't help it."

Thats ridiculous, she didn't WANT to become pregnant, Bobby wanted to say,
but didn't because he had a feeling the God-fearing man in front of him was
saying what he really believed in. And that was something Bobby never toyed
with.

They were interrupted when Bobby's cell rang.

"Bobby Donnell," he said into the receiver. He was so shocked when he heard
what they said that he was silent till he put down the phone. When he
turned around Lindsay knew her fears were coming true, and felt like she'd
been punched in the gut when she heard him say,

"They found the murder weapon, the knife has Tony's fingerprints all over."

__________________________________________________________________

da dum dum feeeeeedbaaaaaaaack, or i'm gonna think you all hated it. oh
yeah, nice cliffhanger huh?:)


Hard to Survive - Part 10

Title: All That Really Matters

Author: me me me

Author's note: First of all, I'm very, very, very sorry this has taken so
long! and all those who sent me feedback for the other parts and those
who've sent me mails telling me that they STILL actually are interested in
this fic [ya know who you are]: THANK YOU!!!! It wouldn't have made it here
without you guys....

Summary: It is yet another Bobby and Lindsay one, but it has a lot of other
characters and elements, which I'll reveal during the story. It takes off
from the middle of season four, but is not actually related to any episode
in specific, except in general. And its about 8 years in the future, and
everyone has a different life now......Oh and it would make more sense if
you read part 1 through 9

Part 10: theres nothing much i can tell you about this part, so go on, read
it

Disclaimer: The characters whom you know all too well from that TV show
y'all watch belong to DEK and 20th Century Fox but a few are mine, and
mixing both of them, I have a concoction ready for u!

Feedback: lemme know if the concoction is any good, k? direct it to
rageofangels_in@yahoo.com or wherever you want to, i'll find it....:)

______________________________________________________________________
_


They were in the DA's office, all gathered around the plastic sealed murder
weapon, with bits of dry blood stuck to it, carrying their every hope to
ged rid of the case and making it a distant vision.

"He's all over it," Jeffery Cobbers, the DA was saying.

"Where did you find it?" Bobby asked, his eyes glued to the knife.

"In his car."

"His car? But you already checked that and never found a thing, where did
this come from now?" Bobby asked, confused.

The DA sighed before saying, "We had done a thorough check then, or atleast
we thought we did, but one of our guys was checking it yesterday and found
it wedged between the AC wires and the footrest-"

"How could you have missed it earlier, if it was there all this time?" he
asked his confusion turning to anger.

"I don't know-"

"What is this, some kind of a joke?!"

"Listen, we're sorry, but we had to tell you as soon as we found out, and
we just found it!"

Bobby ignored him,  "Why did you suddenly have to check it again? Unless
you already knew about this, you had no reason to go check the car again!"
he almost screamed.

"I don't care if thats what you think, we found it and we showed it, thats
all I'm going to say."

"All you're going to say?! I can charge you for concealing evidence!"

"HEY, we just found it!"

She was staring at the knife, muting out the conversation around her. She
still couldn't believe it. The knife was so bloody, it was making her
queasy within, and the thought that it was Fran's blood on it..... the
shivering started again, and this time all she could do was walk away, she
was walking so fast trying to steady herself, but it didn't seem to work.
She could hear Bobby calling after her, but she didn't stop, she couldn't.
She was barely able to stop herself when she felt her knees buckle under
her. Her heart was beating so fast, Bobby was so near, Tony killed her....
Her train of thoughts wouldn't stop till she felt the blackness enveloping
her.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

He helped her into the car and waited for her to speak up. He was still mad
at the DA, there was no way they had just found it. Even though he knew she
wasn't ok, he wanted to ask if she was alright, but didn't. He knew she
hated it, part of being in denial the shrink said.

"It's not him," she finally said.

"His prints are all over it-"

"Yeah, but it's not him," she said calmly.

"Who do you think it is?"

"I don't know."

He was silent again till she spoke.

"Someone's framing him."

"Why would anyone frame him?"

"Think about it Bobby," she said, her voice getting excited by the word,
"he's the perfect bait. He was drunk, he was around the scene of crime, has
a witness to prove that! What more could the murderer ask for? And he has a
temper to go with all the alcohol, making him the perfect one to be
framed!"

"You know all that is working for the DA, he's just not going to mention
the framing part."

She shook her head slightly, "But we can use it too, just add the framing
part-"

"What about him blocking the whole incident out? They'd say thats because
he did it, and that'll keeps the DA above us."

"He blocked it out due to shock!"

"Yeah, the shock that he actually did such a horrible-"

"No, because he was indicted for her murder-"

"The case is a breeze Lindsay, we can get Tony out in a snap......"

"But?" she promted him. When he didn't respond, she continued, "But you
think he really did it, dont you?" she sighed looking at her fingers, "He
didn't Bobby."

"Why do you keep defending him?" he finally asked.

"Because I believe in him, and I can't accept that he would do anything
like this to her."

"Why?" he sighed, "Never mind, we'll get him out-"

"Thats all that really matters now," she finished for him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

They were at Tony's place,

"You surrender?" Bobby suggested, "They're going to come after you anyway,
its better you do it."

"What good would that do? It will seem like I'm accepting the charges."

"No, it wont, it would be more like you're innocent enough to even go to
jail to prove it."

"Whatever, its not like it matters anymore."

Bobby proceeded on to ask him about the knife,

"Any idea how it got there?"

"If I did, I wouldn't be here."

Lindsay sat down beside him and said, "We're only trying to help, but you
have to meet us halfway Tony-"

"I know that Lindsay, but what you don't know is the feeling of guilt even
though you didn't do anything. I would never do what they say I did, and
you're the only one to vouch for it, and if I didn't conviniently block all
this out, I would be able to tell you who did it!"

"Sshh calm down, none of this is your fault and you know it," she tried to
tell him again. Any hint of vulnerability that he had just shown earlier,
turned cold and unforgiving again.

"It just doesn't matter anymore."

* * * * * * * * * * *

"What about the voice you heard when you talked to her on the phone?"

"Too feeble, and they can strike it on hearsay," she replied. It was almost
nine in the night, and they working out the possible defences they could
take.

"And the way she pointed to the door when she taken on to the strecher? We
have to have some explanation for that," Bobby said reading out of the
paper in his hands.

"Why is that in favour of the DA?"

He looked up and said, "When she did that, one of the cops checked for
anything that she might be pointing out to. Tony, I mean, Tony's car was
seen speeding off just a few minutes earlier so the DA   might say that she
was pointing out to Tony-"

"We'll say she was pointing to the person who was framing him."

"This is going to be tougher than I thought," Bobby said, "We're simply
striking everything they say, hoping they would accept that he's being
framed."

"But he IS-"

"Only you and I know that-"

"You too?" she asked her voice hopeful.

"Yeah, ofcourse," he replied with a smile, "I trust you as much as you
trust him."

Lindsay was smiling, he was about to return back to work when she said,

"Bobby?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. For everything."

"You dont ha-"

She cut him off, "I mean, I know Tony's not one of your favorite people in
the world, and the only reason you're doing this is for me-"

"I dont mind doing it, really, especially for you."

She smiled and looked down at her fingers nervously clasping and unclasping
them. "She was so close to me, and yet she didn't want to tell me anything,
what does that say about us? I mean, she would've told me something! But
she didn't, and if she ever feared her brother to be her problem, she
would've told me, I'm confident about that, thats why......" she looked up
again, trying to keep his eye contact, "thats why I'm so sure he didn't do
it."

That  seemed like a pretty good reason to him, and even if it didn't, he
trusted her to know better than to believe that she was going to be doped.
Anyway, he was the one doing this case, and though it all really came down
to Tony, he could, with a lot of work, win this one. All he has to see to,
is that Lindsay doesn't become too involved in it, he feared that. Even the
help she was giving him till today didn't feel right to Bobby, she should
be mourning and feeling the person leave her life, but she wasn't doing
that, she was pushing it away as if this trial was more important that
that. He was thinking of asking Eugene to do it, maybe asking him take on
the case, while he second chaired. That seemed like the best way to handle
this and to help Lindsay handle her loss. Meanwhile, she was saying,

"And that's also why I refuse to testify against him."

"Testify against him? What for?" he asked, genuinely confused. She let out
a shaky breath she didn't realise she was holding, and said,

"Bobby, it was him on the other end... when Fran called-... i think it was
he who said it was too late."

__________________________________________________________________

please take an effort to tell me what you think, afterall you've actually
lasted thru the first 10 parts:) and hey, only you and me know it wasnt
tony!:)


Hard to Survive - Part 11

Title: No Matter What

Author: Sahiti Murthy

Author's note: First of all, I'm very, very, very sorry this has taken so
long! and all those who sent me feedback for the other parts and those
who've sent me mails telling me that you're STILL actually interested in
this fic: THANK YOU!!!! It wouldn't have made it here without you guys....

Summary: B/L one, but LOADS of Lindsay and lots of other things actually,
so all i'm gonna say is, if you didn't read part 1 thru 10, this
installment isn't going to make much sense to you

Part 11: read on read on, short part and if i summarize it, theres nothing
going to be left to read

Disclaimer: The characters whom you know all too well from that TV show
y'all watch belong to DEK and 20th Century Fox but a few are mine, and
mixing both of them, I made my own little concoction.

Feedback: lemme know if the concoction is any good, k? direct it to
rageofangels_in@yahoo.com or coolcat2136@go.com or funky_angel_here
@hotmail.com

__________________________________________________________________


"Anthony?!" he exclaimed, shocked.

"I'm not sure, but it sounded like him.... "

"Lindsay, this is going to change our entire case-"

"No it wont!" she said sitting up next to him.

"This means... he's guilty... "

"He isn't!"

"Lind-"

"Listen-"

"No you listen, you say you believe him and he couldn't have done it and in
the same breath you're telling me that he was with her minutes before we
went there to find her soaked in blood?"

"Yes I am," she said calmly, "I'm also saying its not him."

He couldn't understand it, this was going way beyond him. SHE was going way
beyond him.

"Are you sure?" he finally asked. She sighed,

"No... which is why I'm saying he didn't do it."

"We're going to be concealing evidence-"

"We wont, coz I'm not sure."

He waited for a moment before asking, "Then why are you so terrified?"
looking into her eyes.

"I am not." He didn't say anything but let go of her hands which he had
been holding for the past few minutes. And she cracked like she lost her
support.... She wasn't crying, but she pulled back his hands and let her
cold hands feel their warmth.

"What if he did?" she said looking into his eyes.

"Thats what I'm asking you... what if he did?"

"I'm so scared..."

He pulled her into his arms and rocked her till she stopped murmuring and
fell into a fitful sleep filled with unclear dreams.

* * * * * * * * * *

THE NEXT DAY-

"Got bail," Bobby said triumphantly, walking into the drawing room, having
been at the courthouse all afternoon.

"What?!" Lindsay exclaimed disbelievingly. Then Tony walked in with a smile
on his face matching that of Bobby's.

"I'm a pillar of the society Lindsay," Tony mocked.

"The judges here are WAY too easy," Bobby said, still smiling.

"This is great," Lindsay said hugging both of them. Then she pulled back,
"I feel like such a mom!"

"Oh you are," Tony said playfully and dissapeared in before Lindsay could
retort.

"How did you do that?" she asked turning to Bobby.

"They really are way too easy..." he said. She smiled and it lit up her
entire face. Seeing that, he said, "Want me to get you a few more?" She
shook her head slightly,

"You're the best.... and you're mine!"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The letters were piling up and gathering dust. Lindsay didn't have the time
to write back to all the people who had sent their condolences when it had
happened. Truth was, she didn't want to read them, she didn't want to read
how much they all loved her and how much they were going to miss her.
Because she couldn't feel a thing. She didn't cry as she went through them,
she was as immovable as rock and it made her feel guilty. But as she sat
down to read them now and opened one letter after another, she hoped it
would give her the closure she needed. This was so unexpected and it still
felt so unreal. She could feel her eyes burning, but still they wouldn't
shed a tear. Frustrated all over again, she realised with guilt that she
was reading only so that she could feel better, and not for Fran. As she
began to get up, she noticed a blue envelope almost at the end of the pile.
She pulled it out, and began to tear it open. Kathleen! She had completely
forgotten about her! But it had been so long since she had gone back to
work, that she didn't really know how to respond to her co-worker and
friend, Kathleen Colent. We'd been so close before, Lindsay thought
hurting, but now I dont even know whether to call her back..... Why
couldn't she feel anything? she thought again as she put back the letter
and picked up the phone to call Kay.

But somewhere within her being she could feel the answer reverberating:
because she just didn't want to.

* * * * * * * * * * *

With just a day to go before the trial began, Lindsay finally got the
courage to take out all the lab reports and go through them, scrutinizing
every detail. The trial was beginning to let action seep through her, it
had been so long that it felt odd doing what she was. Because she just
wasn't going through them anymore, she was believing them. But even after
everything that had been going on, the reports still had an effect on her.
Horrified protests welled up within her. This is not Fran, she thought.
This is not Fran! Again, she pushed down everything she was feeling and
concentrated on one single paper. The one that said that Fran was pregnant.
How could she not tell her? she thought for the umpteenth time. She didn't
even know if Fran was dating! And here she was, thinking there were no
secrets between them. Lindsay went on to then next one, which carried the
time of death and the time during which the murder had probably taken
place: between 3:30 and 4:30 pm, March 12th. Of course they didn't need it,
Lindsay would be able to tell them that. It was the time after Fran's call
and before they reached there. Probably half an hour. Between 3:45 and 4:25
that evening. She had called her at 3:45, she was sure of that, and
according to what Amy said at the deposition, she heard a loud voice around
the same time. It must've been right after he said "it's too late", she
thought, atleast that much was clear...... And if it was Tony....... it's
not, she told herself fiercly, it's not! You know he'd never do such a
thing. Even if he wants to, he isn't capable to carry off such a horrendous
thing. No way. She shook her head, no, she wasn't going to believe that. No
matter what.

When the doorbell rand, she was sure it was going to be Kathleen. And she
was right. Her friend stood outside the door, looking like she was going to
break into an avalanche of tears at the mention of Fran's name. God, she
didn't need this now. She was going to be jealous of her, crying out
everything and beginning the "healing process", while SHE was getting no
where on that. It was only after a fierce hug that Kathy spoke,

"How've you been?" Always the mother hen, Lindsay thought with a slight
smile, remembering Fran's nick name for her.

"I've been better.... Come on in."

"Gary wants you to know you're being missed," Kathy said smiling, referring
to their boss Gary Scalli.

"Of course he does, who's going to type out his trunk long letters now?"
she said, attempting a little humour. The reports were strewn all over the
table and as she tried to clear it up, she began talking to her about work,
and for a while, she was sure having Kathy around was just what she needed.
She even lived close by, it would be easy for her to call her anytime. And
she looked at Kathy with a renewed spirit of hope. What she had been
missing.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

After Kathy had left, Lindsay set about preparing an omlette, and after a
few minutes placed on the table between herself Bobby and Tony. Tony said,

"Y'know, Mr. Donnell-"

"Knock it off Tony," Bobby said with a smile.

"All right, Bobby, I was just thinking, during the entire time you were a
lawyer-"

"Lindsay's a lawyer too," Bobby reminded him, "Don't forget. She did her
time as a defense attorney before."

Tony smiled wanly. "Then I think she'd better be our resident expert." He
turned toward her. "Lindsay, did you ever have to launch a defense where
your client had been dead drunk at the time the crime was committed, in the
course of which he not only stabbed his....... uh, stabbed the victim,
three times, but left her sprawling on the floor to bleed to death while he
staggered to his car to sleep it off and then blocked it?"

Without even flinching at his words, she responded, "Maybe not quite those
circumstances, but I did defend a number of people who had been so high on
drugs at the time that they didn't even remember committing the crime.
Typically though, there were witnesses who offered sworn testimony against
them. It was tough."

"So they were found guilty, of course?" Tony asked.

Lindsay paused and looked at him, smiling ruefully. "They had the book
thrown at them," she admitted.

"Exactly, my attorney, Eugene, and him here," he said, pointing to Bobby,
"are both excellant who want me to plead not guilty by reason of mistaked
identity. But as I see it, my only course is to plea bargain in the hope
that in exchange for a guilty plea, the state will not seek the death
penalty." He paused, not taking in Lindsay's stiffness at his words, "But I
didn't do it, and if I plead not guilty, I'm as good as gone."

Lindsay took a gulp of her hot coffee, and said to him, "You're right,
Bobby is excellant and so is Eugene. And if they think they have a shot at
this case by pleading not guilty, my advise is, you take it, but if you
dont want to, they'll plead guilty. It's up to you," the stiffness
returning to her.

"I'm not crazy for crying out loud," Tony said, not understanding why she
thought he wanted to plead guilty.

"Then don't act like you are!" she said loudly before storming out of the
room. Bobby went after her only to return back after a few minutes,
dejected.

"Man my life is screwed up," Tony said getting up from the chair, "and I'm
great at screwing it up more."

"Listen she just desperately wants to believe that you didn't do it and
that this will turn out fine. She's already doubting herself and this.....
this isn't helping her," Bobby finished, not sure that he should've
mentioned the part about Lindsay's doubt. Tony's face went from despair to
shattered disbelief.

"I didn't do this," he said steadily, "and she will believe it. She has to,
the trial starts in just seventeen hours."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"Lemme drive," Helen said the next day, as they piled up into the car to
leave for the beginning of the trial. You're too nervous a bunch, she
wanted to add. But so was she. Quite a group this, she thought, looking at
Lindsay, Bobby, Eugene, Tony, Kathy and Gary Scalli, a guy she had only met
a few times, but who looked just as affected with this as the rest of them.

"We'll come in the other car," Eugene said reffering to Bobby and himself,
"It's too crowded."

As the both of them got into the car, Eugene said,

"Think it's a good idea, Lindsay coming along? They're going to show those
photos again."

"I know, but she's not going to miss this."

"She fainted the last time Bobby," Eugene stated, still not sure Lindsay
should be coming along. Bobby was silent for a while and he finally looked
up from the passenger seat and said,

"I hope she does this time."

"What?!"

"It'll mean she's atleast feeling something," Bobby said remembering how
stony she was being about everything, "I want her to feel something," he
whispered, "anything."

Eugene didn't respond. He was glad he wasn't in Bobby's shoes, or
Lindsay's. He'd been so scared when he'd seen Lindsay faint in the DA's
office when she saw Fran's photos, that he knew this must be killing Bobby.
He'd always respected him, but what he was doing now was beyond him. How he
could be there for Lindsay and keep himself together amazed him. Much less,
scared him. But he was thankful that he was doing this case, because any
nearer he could get to the truth behind all this, the faster he'd be able
to loosen up. He wondered if they'd all be able to make it through this
nightmare...

* * * * * * * * * * *

It didn't take long to drive there, but it took almost as long to get into
the courtroom pushing through all the reporters and the curious bystanders.
"I thought the Press wasn't allowed in?" Helen said, stubbornly pushing her
way through.

"Not into the courthouse anyway," Lindsay said, relieved that she'd made it
in. Once inside the courtroom, they settled right behing Tony, and to
Lindsay's relief, he looked better than she had expected. Casting one final
look at him, she turned to Eugene and said, "I never got to thank you"

"It's not time for that yet," he said with a slight smile, just as the
bailiff said loudly,

"Honourable Judge Micheal Winters presiding. State of Massachusetts vs.
Pasquale Anthony DiFabio, first degree murder of Francessa Ricci Caliandro.
All rise."

This is it, Lindsay thought, it's all going to happen now, no matter what.

_____________________________________________________________________

yeah, i couldn't figure out a better end coz i wanted the whole trial in
one part, so by the end of the next part you'll know the results..........
or not:) wait and read what happens! AND send feedback,
pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaase!!