Title: "Love unspoken." Author: Michal. Hashavit@research.haifa.ac.il Author's note: I just decided that there was an episode missing between "Ties that bind" and "The trial". I hope you like it… feedback is always appreciated especially since writing the end involved a bad case of writer's block. Disclaimer: Please don't sue; I'm just an innocent girl writing fanfics… ******* Lindsay sat on the office floor, holding a bottle of beer in her hands, a bottle of beer, which obviously failed in cheering her up. She didn't tell Ellenor she was going back to the office. She just painfully mentioned she had to leave. And she did leave… to the only place she could seek her refuge. As dusk ended and night began, Lindsay heard the door open and a familiar face walked in. they exchanged smiles, one of concern and one of sadness, as he took off his coat and went inside. "What are you doing?" He asked. "Just sitting. What are you doing?" "I actually had a date tonight. Just came by to pick up my case." Her sad smile became a friendly genuine one. "How'd it go?" "Terrible. She asked me what I did for a living?" Lindsay's smile widened. "And you told?" he chuckled and she laughed, not expecting Eugene to do a better job in cheering her up than the bottle of beer. As a friend, he immediately noticed her disturbed mind and decided to join her on the floor. She could sense a conversation on its way as she sighed a little. "What's going on?" He asked, concern in his eyes. "I think I've been here too long already." She admitted. "Oh oh." He saw the disaster approaching. "We had a client who was innocent. Well, at least more innocent than guilty… and we were completely unprepared for it. I looked at her like an alien. Innocent, what's that? And it almost cost her… have you ever had an innocent one Eugene?" She turned to him, sipping her beer. "I'll have to check… but it's like Bobby says. Every once in a great great while you get one. And that's why we do this, remember?" The word `Bobby' stung and made her ache inside even more. "I guess. I don't know. I'm afraid if I do this too long, I'll loose complete perspective. I mean it's better since I dropped the drug dealers but still…" suddenly, remembering the night she dropped them, her mind and heart wondered to the same person again and she just had to blurt it out. "Did you know I slept with Bobby?" she continued to stare in blank space and Eugene, astonished at her discovery immediately turned his look to her. "Could you repeat that last part?" "It was a while back." She again dismissed their relationship like she did with Helen or even Bobby. "That's just between us, your little party favor for walking in here tonight. I just wonder have I lost perspective? Did sleeping with him make me loose perspective? Was I meant to be a criminal lawyer or was I just meant to sleep with one? I mean I knew everything I was and wanted to be when I graduated from law school, I really did. And now…" she laughed bitterly and concluded, "I know nothing." "Ok…. And what you don't know… um… it's about Bobby?" "Not so much Bobby. I mean, I know what that was… or wasn't… it's more about… everything. I feel like being in this kind of work I don't know who I am anymore when it comes to everything." "Oh… welcome to the club." Her smile soon became a laugh as she turned to him. "That's it? That's your wisdom? Welcome to the club?" He chuckled. "Lindsay, in our line of work it isn't too good to be ponderous. You got an innocent client off today. Enjoy it. Savor it even." She couldn't accept it. Eugene nervously watched her inner battle and sadness as she sighed in frustration. "Listen, I've got to get home. Do you want a ride or something? I don't think you're fit to drive after emptying that bottle of yours." "That's ok, I think I'll stay here for a little while longer. I'll grab a cab later." Eugene paused and looked at her. "Are you sure you're ok?" `No.' she cried within herself but to Eugene she just nodded with a disguised strength. The minute he left she just got up and walked around the office, opening another beer. `What was I thinking telling him I miss him… missed him." She corrected herself as she emptied the next bottle without even noticing it. She gabbed her coat and left the office. As she reached the corner of McCall's, she decided to call for a cab but as she peeked inside she noticed Bobby sitting inside on the barstool. Just then, he turned around and caught her staring at him, only now it was mutual. He pleaded with his eyes for her to come in… so she did, as always, unable to resist his requests. "Hey." She whispered as she came in and stood in front of him, starting to feel the effect of her previous drinks. "Sit down. Do you want a drink?" "Beer." She said absently. "Two please." Bobby signaled to the bartender, who looked strangely at them. "What's with him?" She asked with a smile. "Oh… it's my fourth one. You?" "Third. You've always been ahead of me Donnell." "Until tonight." He muttered and became silent, making her realize why he is on his fourth bottle of beer. "How was tonight by the way?" "What?" "The verdict?" He might have looked eager to know if he hadn't been already hazed by the amount of alcohol he had managed to consume. "We got her off thank god." She sighed. "God had nothing to do with it. It was you…" Their eyes locked. "Two, you and Ellenor. You've done a great job." "Thanks." She took a large seep, quickly closing the drinking gap between her and Bobby. "So…" he blurted out after a few minutes of silence and more beer and then continued… "Are we ever gonna talk about it?" he waited for her response as the bartender handed her another bottle of beer. "Lindsay?" he pushed for an answer. "No." she stated simply and in an attempt to move a bit, she lost balance and fell half on him. "Are you ok?" He asked, still dizzy, feeling his head spinning. "No." She added just as simply as she traced her fingers on his lips. The touch of her fingers made him loose balance even more than her. "Shouldn't you be… with Helen right now…?" her eyes nearly closed as her hand moved to his chest so she was playing with his tie. She smiled dizzily to herself. "You know… sucking her elbows… I should tell you it's a personal fetish." "Now you're telling me." He seeped his beer, forgetting to count how many more the bartender had supplied them. "I think I need to go to the bathroom." She got up quickly and rushed to the nearest W.C." "Maybe you could hand me another one." Bobby pointed to another beer bottle while looking at the bartender. "Sorry man, I'm cutting you off. I don't need troubles. Not from you or your lady friend. Bobby's head spun around. "Yeah, where... where is my lady friend?" he started speaking incoherently. "Oh right… she… she went to the bathroom." He got up, almost knocking down the chair next to him. As he walked inside the woman's bathroom, a shrieking older woman left hurriedly… he didn't mind. He tried focusing his mind on his goal to find Lindsay, Not that he could see very clearly… "Hey Bobby…" He heard her from behind, sitting on the floor and leaning on the wall. "Lindsay, come on… let's go." "I don't feel so good… I tried throwing up but nothing happened." Bobby bent down and wrapped his arms around her waist as he lifted her up. "You're not so stable either." She mumbled as they lost balance a little. "It'll help if you hold on." "Is that ok?" She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Let's go." Bobby got out of the bar with Lindsay leaning against him and called for a cab. The ride to her apartment was silent as Bobby sat down, looking through the window, feeling the mess in his head, created by the drinking that was created by his confusion that was created by her, the woman who was now half lying on the back-sit close to him. As the cab stopped next to Lindsay's apartment building she sat up straight and looked at Bobby. "See you at the office tomorrow." "Bye." He whispered as she got out of the cab and paid the driver, evidently too much as he smiled to himself. As she tried getting out, she stumbled through the sidewalk and moaned in pain. Bobby immediately came to her rescue and helped her out, getting out with her in the process. "Are you ok?" "Yeah, ouch…" as the door behind him closed the cab driver took off. "Hey!" Bobby yelled out to the cab driver, yet it was too late. They were alone together. "Never pay in advance." He concluded as he turned to Lindsay. "Let's go home…" she dragged him after her as they climbed the stairs. When they reached her door she sank on the door. "I can't find my keys…" She mumbled. "It's probably in your coat pocket." Bobby used the common sense he had left and went through her pockets. "There it is." He tried to unlock the door but couldn't as his fingers shook and involuntary caused the keys to fall on the floor. "You're really drunk…" Lindsay hissed and laughed at the same time as she picked up the keys and gave her shot at opening the door. "Home sweet home!" she smiled to herself as they entered. "That isn't home." Bobby closed the door and confusingly observed her apartment. "That's my home silly." Lindsay smiled her sweet teasing smile and dropped her briefcase. "Oh…" He moved closer to her and whispered, "I forgot." They laughed. "Do you… want a drink?" she took off her coat and immediately sank on the couch. "Don't you think we had enough of those?" He approached the couch yet stumbled through something and fell on top of her. "Bobby, what are you doing here?" she joked and laughed uncontrollably. "I should go… right?" "Right." She nodded as she half sat up. "But I don't want to…" He yawned. "Ok, then don't." she sank back on the couch, as did Bobby. Her eyelids began to fall but she failed to fall asleep beneath Bobby as she felt him unbuttoning her blouse. "Bobby…" She smiled absently. "What are you doing?" He finished unbuttoning her blouse and opened it as he began kissing her neck and progressed all the way down between her breasts and on to her stomach, exploring her naked skin. "I'm just showing you that I've missed you too… and I love you too…" "I never said anything about love… at least I don't think I did…" She pondered confusingly yet couldn't think no more as she felt him touching her so softly. She looked at him and sat up to push him backwards as she slid off her blouse and took off her skirt. "You're beautiful." Bobby stared at her as she disheveled her hair and moved closer to press against his body. "Well thank you Mr. Donnell… you are too." She smiled enticingly. "I'm beautiful?" He asked confused. "Not with all those cloths on." She slid off his tie and jacket as he helped her in their goal of shedding each other's cloths. To Lindsay, it was all so hazy as he pushed her back to walk inside her bedroom. She heard him laughing and moaning, and she could feel the full weight of his body over hers, his hands around her as he hissed "Is that what you've missed…?" "Uh uh…" She moaned as he remembered every weak spot even when he was completely drunk. Their lips finally acknowledged each other and when they did… they couldn't break apart. Even in his hurried journey to know and touch every part of her body, Bobby was so gentle and soft and she could feel it even then, despite all the blur in her senses as she let him inside of her, as she let him reunite with her over and over again… ******* The next morning Lindsay had to force herself to open her eyes. She still felt disoriented and hazed but that was nothing in comparison to the splitting headache she was now experiencing. One thing she was grateful for was the fact she was in her bed between the warm sheets. But as she gradually regained her senses she felt somebody pressed against her. She wasn't alone in her bed. Much of last night she couldn't remember. What she did remember was just a big blur… a few bottles of beer… running in to Bobby… Bobby. She opened her eyes in terror and panic as she disentangled herself and turned around to confirm what she had already known deep inside. She was naked next to her best friend's boyfriend. Despite her tiredness, the image of Helen's hurtful eyes when she'd find out got her sitting up in a matter of seconds. Her sudden movement shook him up as Bobby realized what was happening. Lindsay could feel her balbitations getting stronger and her tears quickly filling her eyes. "Lindsay?" he asked in a husky voice as he unintentionally brushed up against her, which caused her to panic. "Bobby, you should go." She stated emphatically. "Yes but… don't you think we should talk about this?" "No way." She got up and wrapped the blanket around her body as Bobby went immediately to put some cloths on, watching her pace nervously around the room. "Oh my god…" she kept whispering, terrified at what would happen now. She picked up his tie and jacket and pushed him out the door as she handed him the rest of his cloths, not even allowing him to button his shirt. "Lindsay wait…" He tried to stop her as he walked backwards in the direction of the apartment door. She just kept pushing him out and all he wanted to do was for her to stop and let him wipe her tears out of her face, but he knew he couldn't. "No! Bobby… you have to go. Now!" She opened the door and pushed him out as he was still holding his cloths. "Lindsay! Let's talk about this… we need…" But it was too late. She had already closed the door. Her tears were now flowing even more freely as she leaned on the door and fell to the floor, the blanket covering her naked body… Her cry escaped her throat as she heard the phone ringing. Once, twice, three and four times until the machine picked up. "Hey… Lindsay, it's Helen. How are you doing? Just wanted to talk to you… we're ok, right? Anyway, love you. Call me back… bip." "I love you too Helen." Lindsay mumbled as she cried. "I'm so sorry… I love you too…" ******* "Morning Ellenor." "Morning Bobby." Ellenor greeted with a smile as she entered the office. "Good job on the porno case." "You mean the Sara Cathleen case, right?" she reprimanded him silently. "Right." He understood her subtle hint. "Has Lindsay told you?"" "What? Oh… yeah." "Are you ok Bobby? You seem a little tired." "I'm fine… I didn't get much sleep last night" He grabbed a cup of coffee and flitted to the office before he would have to face anybody else. The rest of the day he spent in his own office, trying to avoid Lindsay, at least until lunchtime. He called Helen at around 10 o'clock to change their plans and instead of her coming to the office, scheduling to meet her at the restaurant. Somehow it seemed to him like a good idea for Helen to be as far away as possible from the office of Donnell and associates. When he finally got himself out of the office he watched Lindsay working silently and diligently. "Lindsay, in my office." She looked up to him. "I'm kind of busy." She said blankly. "Can't it wait?" "No." He sternly insisted. "Lindsay please… in my office." She got up and walked inside, standing as far away from him as she could, but Bobby immediately closed the distance and came near her. When he did, the cent of her perfume brought back all he memories and all the pant-up emotions. What he had suppressed, using the hangover as an excuse now resurfaced again with just one look in her eyes. "We should probably talk." He began slowly with caution. When her silence didn't come to its end, he urged her. "Lindsay?? "No, I don't think it would be a good idea Bobby." She answered softly. "So we won't?" "We can't. We should never bring it up again. You go on with your life and I'll go on with mine. Nothing has changed. It was a terrible mistake and there's no point of saying anything… to anyone." Bobby knew exactly whom she meant by `anyone'. "Can you really do this?" He honestly asked. "I…" She felt tears in her eyes and quickly responded before they would shed. "I don't have a choice." She raised her eyes to his and added coldly, "We'll get over it." "So…" he hurried to say something before their locked gazes would get them in trouble again. "Why does it feel so wrong?" "Well…" She escaped his eyes. "Because of Helen of course." She finally found it possible to say her name. "But… if we don't tell her… cause there's nothing to tell… she won't be hurt." She concluded. "And we…" she added but couldn't go on. "We should clear the air." Bobby brought back their common sense into the conversation. "Cause I don't want to lose you over this… as a friend." "Ok." She took a deep breath and reached her hand to Bobby. "Friends again?" "Friends forever." He shook her hand gently and couldn't help but notice how quickly she pulled away. She smiled. "I've got to get some work done." "Sure." Lindsay left. The main office was empty. She just sat there and cried. At least she would have if she hadn't felt so paralyzed. The touch of Bobby's hand brought back all the memories. As she closed her eyes, she could feel him again… all over her body, caressing her skin and making love to her. She could almost hear him saying `I love you' but shook it away as wishful thinking… and nothing but. A day before, she hadn't even known what it meant to miss him. The next morning, after experiencing his touch for such a brief period of time and then having it being taken away so quickly before she could savor it, that next morning… she knew what it meant… to miss him. She realized she missed him more than anything, and that she has been missing him for longer than she herself even knew. ******* "You've been kind of quiet Bobby." Helen whispered as she was lying in bed with Bobby a week later. "What?" He asked distracted. "Are you ok?" She leaned on the pillow and smiled. "Yes, of course I am." "Cause you've stopped sucking my elbows recently, maybe you've missed that." She grinned and Bobby just had no idea how to respond, as the guilt was not letting go. "Bobby, I'm kidding! Will you lighten up?" "Sorry." He smiled apologetically. "How about breakfast?" "You're making it, right?" She nervously asked. "Will I ever let you go into my kitchen?" He got up and chuckled. "It's my house!" She laughed and threw a pillow at his direction as he ducked it and ran to the kitchen. "Any requests?" He yelled as he scanned her refrigerator. "Light. I'm meeting Lindsay for lunch." She walked up to him with a bathrobe. "I haven't seen her the last two days. I think she's been avoiding me… so I talked her into lunch." She smiled satisfied. Bobby again pondered over what Helen had just said. Everything seemed to be ok, but since Lindsay called in sick two days ago and has been acting strange since she got back the day before, he knew something was wrong again. But Lindsay wouldn't tell him. "Bobby, are you day dreaming again?" Helen noticed his disturbed gaze. "What…?" the ringing phone saved Bobby. "Hello. Hey babe, what's up?" Bobby immediately knew it was Lindsay and was just as quiet as Helen as she listened to Lindsay. "What? But why? Did something happen…? Oh… well ok. I'll call you later tonight… sure… bye." Helen hung up the phone with a very disappointed expression. "What?" He asked. "She canceled on me." She said incredulously. "I guess we can make it a heavy breakfast then." She sighed with acceptance and sat down on the kitchen counter. "Don't worry. She's probably not feeling too well. She called in sick two days ago." He reassured her, not sure who he was covering for. "Pancakes then?" He brought back the smile to her face as they started making breakfast. ******* "Bobby!" Ben Franklin rushed in the corridors of the courthouse to catch Bobby before he left. "Ben, hey! What's up?" "Good, listen… I'm glad I caught you." "Yeah?" "I need a favor." "Sure, what is it?" "A matter I've been obsessing about for too long so I've decided to ask for your advice." "Ben, what is it?" "Lindsay Dole." He blurted out. "Yeah?" Bobby felt his heart skip a few beats. "Do you know if she's seeing anybody?" "Hmm… no, I can't say that I do." "You don't know?" "No." He lied, but then realized he was avoiding Lindsay happiness with his selfishness. "I don't think she has someone permanent." "Not even you?" "What?!" "I don't know, I mean I know you're good friends and you always look close, but you're seeing Helen Gamble and stuff… I don't know, I just thought maybe there's something that…" "Ben! There's nothing going on between Lindsay and me. Trust me…" He said with unnoticeable pain. "And would you say that… I have a chance?" "Are you sure you're up to it?" He smirked. "You're gasping just by chasing me. Lindsay's a woman who requires persistence." "Yeah, but she's worth it…" He smiled. "So what do you say?" Bobby felt a pinch in his heart but nevertheless found it possible to speak. "Ask her out… and don't give up. She'll say yes eventually." "Ok." He took a deep breath of excitement. "Thanks." He rushed off. "I awe you one!" As he called out, Bobby noticed the unbelievingly huge smile he had on his face. He felt the urge to see her that moment, and so he rushed back to the office, not believing how quickly she could slip through his fingers again. ******** When he got back to the office it was still lunchtime. Eugene and Rebecca went to meet with Rebecca's uncle, who was being charged with some tax violation, and Ellenor and Jimmy went to McCall's to grab a bite to eat. "Hey." He quietly said only to Lindsay since the rest of the office was empty. "Hi." She coldly responded. Bobby didn't move from his position in front of her. "Aren't you having lunch with Helen?" He pretended he didn't know. He wanted a reason and he wasn't about to make it easy on her to avoid a conversation. "No." She again disappointed him. She was sick of hearing Helen's name. Like it wasn't enough that she was the only thing she thought of the last week. That and… Bobby. "You're ok?" "I'm fine." She raised her face for the first time that day and he was horrified to see how pale she looked. "Cause you don't look so good. Are you sick?" "Bobby will you stop acting like my father?" "Lindsay, I'm worried about you. We're friends, right?" She didn't respond. "Didn't we say we were? Everything was normal until yesterday. Did something happen?" "Nothing happened." She sighed and got up to take a file from Rebecca's desk but lost balance and nearly fell. Luckily for her, Bobby caught her… as he first touched her, she panicked and immediately leaned on Rebecca's desk by herself. "I'm ok. I just got a little dizzy." "Are you sure?" He looked disbelievingly at her. "I just haven't been eating lately." "Lindsay, please tell me what's wrong. I'm worried about you." "Don't be." She dismissed him and got up to walk to her desk but Bobby grabbed her arm and yelled "Lindsay, what's wrong with you?!" "Nothing's wrong with me…" she nearly cried. "No, something's wrong!" "Bobby, stop it…!" Her voice rose as well. "Lindsay, just tell m…" "I'm late!" She blurted out as her eyes filled with tears. "What?" Bobby was still confused "Did you… " She said lower. "The other night… did you use something?" "What?" His oblivious tone became more and more frightened. "You know, something… that will protect us…" A tear escaped her eye as she looked at him and he turned shades of white. "Do… do you mean…?" "Yes, that's what I mean Bobby." She looked in his eyes to search the answer for her question yet he was quiet... so she realized it by herself. His silence said everything as she whispered "Oh my god…" and ran her fingers through her hair. "I couldn't have gotten you pregnant." He tried to think deeply about what he had suppressed the past 8 days. "Once is all it takes Bobby." She sat down at her desk. "Well… how late are you…?" he took a deep breath, trying to digest the information. "Five days late… and I'm never usually late." "So do you think you are? You know… pregnant…?" Her eyes glazed with fear. "I… I don't know." They didn't bother to stop their locked gazes this time. In spite of Bobby's confusion, which was obvious in his eyes, Lindsay felt a weird calming effect his eyes had on her, so she didn't bother to look away. A minute later, she had to. Rebecca and Eugene burst inside, having some kind of scream fest. "His your uncle! I don't awe him anything!" "Eugene, he needs our help!" "What the hell is going on in here?!" Bobby stopped their fight. "Nothing." Eugene waved his hand, giving them an `I'm sick of this' look and went to sit at his desk. "I'm guessing he won't settle." Bobby turned to Rebecca, referring to her uncle. "No, tomorrow we go to trial." Bobby sighed and looked at Eugene. "What are you guys doing?" Rebecca looked at Bobby and then at Lindsay, realizing how bad she looked. "Oh my god Lindsay! Why do you look so pale?" "I'm fine." She answered emphatically. "Actually, we were just in the middle of the conversation." He looked at Rebecca, then at Lindsay. "Lindsay." He gestured her to his office. To the sight of his pleading eyes, she couldn't refuse and got up to walk to his office. "What's with them?" Rebecca started the minute they entered his office. "They're probably discussing the appeal on the Jacobs case." Eugene didn't even believe the excuse he had just given Rebecca. "With her face? I know what they're discussing…" She mumbled to herself. "What?!" He asked. "What? I didn't say anything." "Yes you did." "No, I didn't! Do you… know anything?" She asked suspiciously. "No, I don't know anything." He looked away defensively and then again at her. "Do you?" He was careful at his words, guessing Rebecca must have known the truth as well. "You mean about… the Jacobs appeal?" She implied cautiously. "Yeah." He chuckled. "How do you…?" "She told me." He admitted honestly. "We should feel pretty good about ourselves." She smiled. "What? Why?" "Well Eugene, think about it. Two emotionally closed up people like Bobby and Lindsay revealing their secrets …to us." She was very satisfied. "I just found out in a fluke." "Me too. I just put two and two together the moment I saw two champagne glasses at his office." "And he told you?" "After a few threats he had to." She smiled kindly as Eugene laughed. "When did she tell you?" "About a week ago." "Really? I wonder what made her remember this all of a sudden. It was two months ago." "That's all? She talked about it like it was ancient history." Eugene couldn't help but do the not so complicated math in his head but gave up thinking it wasn't his business. "I guess something happened." Rebecca's curiosity arose quickly. "What the hell is he doing with Helen?" "Rebecca!" "What? I like her…" She hurried to defend herself. "But Eugene… they were really in to each other. Helen deserves better than a guy who's obviously not over somebody else. And those two awe it to each other to…" She couldn't finish her sentence. "All I'm saying is that this `Helen faze' is going to blow up soon. And when it does, I won't be surprised." She concluded. "Can we just talk about something else?" Eugene felt uncomfortable to talk about them and started working on his opening argument. Inside. "Listen…" Bobby started. "No! Bobby, look…" Lindsay emphatically began her sentence yet her voice somehow seemed to weaken. He in comparison, stood silent, waiting for her to speak, like he was too frightened to do so. "We don't need to open the subject right now. Let's just wait and see. Ok?" She desperately tried to get rid of the issue. "Are you gonna… you know, get a test or something?" "I will. Eventually." "Well, how long are you gonna wait?!" "Just a day or two. It could be stress or something." "What could be that stressful?" He was getting impatient. "Gee Bobby, I don't know. Did something unusual happen in my life recently?!" Her fear soon became anger. "I'm sorry." His eyes pleaded for her forgiveness as he became aware of his behavior. The stress did not go pass him either. Her eyes softened as she spoke quietly. "It's just that… I'm just…" "What?" He came close to her and begged her to finish the sentence. Very bravely, she did. "I'm scared." He sighed and a sudden wave of loneliness came over her. "Look Bobby, if something happens… if it comes out positive… I'll take care of it myself." She nearly chocked as she spoke. "What?! What do you mean take care of it? Are you gonna have an abortion?!" Lindsay felt her balbitations. "Wh… What? I don't even know if I'm pregnant!" The vivid word `abortion' scared her to death. She wasn't thinking that far ahead… but apparently he was. "But if you are? You can't have an abortion!" "Wow… Bobby, wait a second… I wasn't talking about that! Is this the catholic thing?" "What catholic thing?" they were both furious at each other and were too busy hurting each other instead of just looking back to see what caused the terrible misunderstanding. Lindsay felt the tears surface in her eyes and she knew she couldn't stand another minute longer in his office. His deep blue eyes hurt her so badly, yet craved for her to touch him. And she wanted to, so much… she loved him for being him and she hated him for not being with her. She made him so sad, angry and in love. He wanted to yell at her yet hold her at the same time. They were both so helpless. She turned to leave and whispered "Bobby, let me handle this myself." ******* She sat there for an hour or so, just looking at the three boxes. As soon as she left the office she stopped by the pharmacy and bought three pregnancy tests. Just to be on the safe side… it was a huge step for her. Just buying the tests obviously showed tremendous progress. But as she walked inside her apartment, she knew she couldn't do it. Her fears again took over her body. She placed the three boxes on the coffee table and sat in front of it. And that is what she'd been doing for the past hour. Sitting, watching, thinking and nothing but. The knock on the door came soon after and Lindsay got up from the couch to open. "Hi." She whispered after a moment of silence. "I'm sorry." He started. "I had no right of telling you what to do." "Bobby, no… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say… I just…" She couldn't find the words to apologize. "Let's just call it a huge misunderstanding ok?" He smiled sincerely. "I am sorry." She emphasized. "I know. I am too." "Ok." She breathed what was meant to be a sigh of relief but exposed her shaky state of mind. "I got something for you." He handed her a pharmacy bag. "Oh no…" She turned around and started pacing. Bobby walked inside and closed the door behind him, flashbacks from their night together overwhelming him. He suddenly noticed she was still wearing her coat. "Did you just get here?" "No. Actually I've been sitting here for nearly an hour thinking how the hell am I supposed to take three pregnancy tests when the thought of just the word `pregnancy' freaks the hell out of me!" Although the situation was nothing close to funny, Bobby couldn't help but smile. "Well I got you three more." She sank on the couch. "Great! Six sticks… and I don't even need to pee." She took off her coat. "Well' I got you a diet coke as well." He sat next to her as she started laughing. A sad desperate laugh, if that was possible. "Remind me never to get drunk again…" She put her head in her hands. He reached with his hand to stroke her shoulder but steered clear at the last second. They sat in silence for a few minutes afterwards. "I'm sure it's nothing." Lindsay finally spoke. "It's just the first time that I…" She swallowed hard and turned her face to Bobby. "I'm scared." She paused but then continued. " When I finally worked up the courage to buy the tests, I didn't really think about having to take it." "Well I'm here for you." He put his hand gently on hers. She looked at him for confirmation. "No matter what." He emphasized. "No matter who, you meant…" She cynically added. He sighed. "Promise me you're not gonna tell her." She begged with her eyes and Bobby just didn't understand how he could keep something like that a secret. "I mean… if it comes back negative." He nodded slowly. "Bobby…" She began but chocked on her tears. "What if it doesn't?" A solitary tear rolled down her cheek. He couldn't help but wipe it away and stroke her hair to compose her. But she didn't stop. She just kept on crying like his touch made her even sadder. She cried and he held her in his arms in the biggest hug he could give her. He would have pulled away if she hadn't hugged back… and they remained in their embrace until the storm passed. After about 15 minutes of sitting on the couch and staring at the floor Bobby laughed quietly. "What?" She asked. "I was just thinking." "Thinking what?" She got curious and looked at him. "I was just thinking that… worst case scenario… we'll just have to buy a big house in the suburbs, a cat…" "A dog." She quietly said. "I like dogs." "Ok." He smiled with consideration. "I'll give you the dog, but that means we got to have three kids." "Three?! What do you think I am? A baby machine?" "What? Three is not a lot!" "Two is better... like my mom said." "Well, your mom's a rich snob." "She is, isn't she…" they turned their looks to face each other and smiled. "Three kids and a dog." She peacefully concluded, as they both got lost in their gazes. 30 minutes later. As soon as Lindsay regained her usual state of mind she got up and opened two cans of Diet coke. "A toast." She handed Bobby a can. "To honesty." "To friendship." He added. "Sobriety." She smiled weakly. "To love." He stared deep in her eyes as they drank their cokes in silence. Lindsay smiled awkwardly and put down her drink. "I guess I've got to pee now." She took the pharmacy bag and walked to the bathroom. Bobby got up and followed her. "Bobby?" She commented. "Oh yeah… this is the part you do alone." "Yeah." She smiled sweetly. Can you turn on the stereo?" "You need music to pee?" He teases and she gently slapped him. "Shut up. I get nervous when people hear me pee." "Oh, so it's a performance anxiety?" She laughed. "Just put on some music or sing to yourself… something… whatever, ok?" she went inside and closed the door. After a minute of silence she yelled. "I can't hear you singing!" "I don't know any good songs!" "Bobby, you promised!" "Ok ok ok… hmm… let's see… itsy bitsy spider… no, umm… I'm a little teapot… no…" He stopped each time he heard her laugh. He was practicing children songs… and making it easy on her to not think of what she was about to find out. "Oh I know…" He prepared himself to seriously sing. "She's like the wind… to my dreams… she rides the night… next to me… she leaves me the moon light only to burn me with the sun... she's taken my heart but she doesn't know what she's done… feel her breath in my face… her body close to me… can't look in her eyes… she's out of my league…" Bobby enjoyed himself so much that he practically sang to the door… he didn't even stop as Lindsay abruptly opened the door. He just held his pretend microphone and sang to her the last line with the goofiest smile. "Just a fool to believe I have anything she needs… she's like the wind…" Lindsay smiled a big smile. "Are you finished now Patrick?" "Aren't you supposed to be peeing?" He acted insulted. "Well, something about the way you sing just brings it out of me." She suppressed a laugh. "So how are the six sticks? Pinking up?" "I hope. I wouldn't know. I fled the scene as soon as possible." "So how long do we have to wait? About 24 hours?" "I see you've never gotten a girl knocked up until now." She proceeded to the kitchen and he quickly followed her to have his answer. "It'll be 60 seconds for the final color." She nervously concluded as their previous laugh was long forgotten. She opened the freezer and took out her two best friends: Ben and Jerry. "So…" she looked at the box of ice cream as she ate, "Are you a junior type?" "What?" "You know, Bobby Junior, Lindsay Junior… the lazy kind of parent who doesn't have time to buy the baby names book?" She was clearly shaken up by the situation. "No actually." He quietly responded as he raised his look from staring at the floor. "I'm the baby book kind of parent." She gave up on her pathetic attempt to pick up a fight with those blue eyes and walked quickly to the door of the bathroom. Before opening the door she stepped back and walked back to the living room. "I can't do it. I can't look." She was terrified… and he could see it in her eyes. "Hey, come her." He held her hands in his. "Que sera sera, ok?" he lifted her face with his finger. She closed her eyes and took a cleansing breath. She was forced to open her eyes as she smelled Bobby's aftershave a little too close, and as she felt his soft lips rest on hers… she reluctantly pulled away. "So… are you coming with me?" "Yes." They started walking towards the bathroom. "Not a word to Helen?" "No." They walked inside and before she looked she turned around. "And don't ever kiss me again." She looked at the floor as she said her last sentence, which she knew she did not mean. "Not that it's…" She looked up and prevented herself from further explaining. "Promise." He answered sincerely and seriously as he felt his heart break. "It was nice doing business with you Mr. Donnell." She reached her hand to shake his. "You too Miss Dole." They shook hands and smiled. Lindsay turned around, took a deep breath and looked at the test. The tears immediately surfaced in her eyes as she threw it away, not giving Bobby the chance to look. She collapsed on the floor and sat there, quietly weeping. "What? What?" He got down on the floor as well and put his hand on her cheek as his thumb wiped another tear away. She laughed as she cried and looked in his eyes with a sad smile. "No need for that baby book." Bobby looked at her, not sure if that was the response he was expecting or waiting for… He just hugged her tight as she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him back. THE END. ******* How was it??? I hope you liked it... :) Don't forget that he'll brake up with Helen next episode.... It's all because of this little story DEK didn't tell you... (yeah, right... I keep telling that to myself....) any chance of feedback???? michal.