Title: My Soul To Keep

Author: Bron

Authors Notes: I thought I’d try something different with this story.
Basically this story chronicles Bobby’s life. Thanks to June and Jewel for
their wonderful help.

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. They’re all the property
of DEK and ABC


My Soul to Keep

Part 1

* * *

The weather was mild but still the old man shivered. He pulled the edges of
his wool cardigan closer to his body and shifted into a more comfortable
position. There was a slight ripple in the water on the lake, from the
breeze that had drifted by when the sun started to set. He knew when his
daughter arrived she would scold him for being outside as she did every
afternoon when she came to visit. Then she would usher him inside, where
she would make him a hot drink and talk about whatever ran through her
mind. It was usually a fairly one sided conversation that would last for
approximately two hours until the time she would kiss him on the cheek and
tell him she would visit tomorrow. Many times he had told her not to bother
making the trip because he knew it was out of her way and he didn’t mind
being on his own, at which point she would nod in understanding and show up
the next day regardless.

He could see the question in her eyes every time she left. No one in the
family understood why he had suddenly decided to move out here, and he knew
he was being selfish keeping the reason to himself. But then he thought he
was entitled to a little bit of selfishness at 87.  It might have taken him
a little while to settle down and begin a family but once he had he’d
devoted his heart and soul to them, now he needed time for himself. He
sighed and stood walking into the house from the rear entrance, through the
kitchen and into the living room. The room was a collection of memories,
the walls covered with frames where certificates hung side by side with
pictures his children and grandchildren had drawn over the years and where
awards sat beside fathers day gifts of homemade ashtrays and children’s
toys.

He’d been avoiding this room because of the memories it stirred. He wasn't
a man who spent much time looking back, because by remembering he opened
himself up to the pain and sorrow for all those he'd lost, so many now that
the faces were all starting to blur together in a medley of images. Times,
places, dates and people all woven together in a patchwork of a life he
thought he'd spent well. Not that he didn't have regrets, he had a hundred
of them, but he tried not to dwell on those either. When you live to be 87
you're bound to stack up a pile of regrets, the key was to have more happy
memories than sad ones. His memories came in patches now, whether he wanted
them or not.  Sometimes as clear and vibrant as if he'd lived them only
yesterday, other times in soft watercolours, so dim it was hard to know if
they were real or imagined. The constant medication that dulled his pain,
also dulled his mind and it was that loss that he felt most acutely.

There had been a time in his life when he'd been admired for his sharp mind
and quick thinking. When he'd been well respected and envied among his
colleagues, when people had paid attention when he walked into a room, and
travelled distances to seek his opinion. He wondered if people spoke his
name any more, if they remembered his achievements and successes, but he
didn't really care. He had learned a long time ago that his greatest
success was his family, and that was what he held onto now.

It was the reason he’d chosen to come back to the cottage after it had sat
vacant for so long. Ever since he’d visited his doctor to receive the news
of his pending demise, this was the only place he could think of to come.
All his life he’d sought out a refuge, a place he could go to, to be alone
and think, he’d found himself in less of a need for one during his
marriage, when he could talk to his wife about his problems, and now
surrounded by so many familiar items he almost felt that she was still with
him.

He knew that death would claim him soon, he couldn't hold it off much
longer, and he didn't really want to. He wasn't afraid to die, it would
bring an end to the terrible pain he endured every day. He would miss his
children and his grandchildren, and his great grandchild, his namesake born
only six months ago but already so lively and full of spirit. The circle of
life, he thought, one person dies one person is born to continue on. He'd
seen enough life and death to understand that, he'd buried both his
parents, his wife, and most of his friends, he'd been there for the births
of all of his children, waited anxiously for the news of his children's
children, and friends children. He knew the highs and lows of life, in fact
with death came a clarity he'd never thought possible.

Tired from the exertion the trip outside had caused him, he sank down in
the closest recliner and his eyes settled on a picture, it was a family
portrait, three generations of a family that if not for the love of one
woman never would have come about. He closed his eyes and the image stayed
with him imprinted in his brain, and as he drifted off to sleep Bobby
Donnell was helpless to do anything but relive the past…..

* * *

"Bobby, Bobby wake up son" Bobby was rousted from his sleep by his father
shaking him on the shoulder. He rolled over onto his back with a groan and
looked up through half closed eyes.

"What?" he mumbled sleepily.

"You have to get up Bobby, I just got a call from the Hospital, your
Mother's been in an accident, we have to get down there"

The worry and urgency in his father's voice cleared the last traces of
sleep from Bobby's mind, he sat up quickly "What happened?"

Stephen shook his head, and tossed Bobby some clothes, "I don't know they
wouldn't tell me over the phone, get dressed and we'll go" he was already
leaving the room.

Bobby quickly pulled on the jeans and sweatshirt his father had given him
and hurried into the living room, Stephen was searching for his car keys,
his movements jerky and frantic. Bobby walked over and picked them up and
handed them to him, his father wasn't really in any state to drive, but
even though Bobby knew how he wasn't old enough yet to have his licence.

They went immediately to the emergency room upon arriving at the hospital,
as they approached the desk a nurse looked up from her paperwork “Can I
help you?”

“My wife’s been in an accident I was told to come down here” Stephen was
talking quickly, worry laced his voice.

“Could you tell me her name?”

“Maggie Donnell”

The nurse looked through some charts, “Your wife’s been taken into surgery
sir, if I could just ask you to wait in the waiting room over there” she
said pointing to sterile looking room filled with hard plastic seats and
peeling paint. “The doctor will be with you as soon as he’s available”

“But…” Stephen stopped to compose himself “But what happened to her? What
are her injuries?  What’s she in surgery for? …..”

“Sir” the nurse said interrupting him “At this stage I’m not allowed to
give out any information, you’ll have to speak with the doctor” she handed
him some forms “If you could just fill these out while you wait”

“What….” Stephen continued, but Bobby put a hand on his arm stilling his
words

“Come on Dad” he said glaring at the nurse “Lets just go over here, I’m
sure the doctor will be with us shortly” he fired off one last telling look
at the nurse and guided his father to a seat.

Stephen sat there staring at the forms, not focussing “Do you think she’ll
be ok Bobby?” he asked desperately.

Bobby swallowed his own fears and smiled bravely at his father “Sure Dad,
Mum’s tough she’ll be fine”

“I wish they’d tell us what was going on” Stephen said “What kind of
hospital won’t give you any answers at all?”

“We’ll know soon” Bobby replied “Why don’t you fill out the forms it’ll
help to pass the time”

Stephen nodded but when he picked up the pen his hand was shaking. Bobby
reached out and took it from him, then held onto his fathers hand for a
moment longer. “Why don’t I do it Dad, you can just tell me the answers”

It took the better part of half an hour for Bobby to complete all the
forms, he walked over and handed them back to the nurse “Is there any
news?” he asked quietly, keeping his voice low so his father wouldn’t hear

She shook her head “I’m really sorry, but it’s hospital policy that only
the doctors can give out that information, I’d help you if I could”

Bobby nodded and went back to sit with his father, they waited in silence
for nearly two hours before a doctor finally appeared.

“Mr Donnell?”

Stephen stood nervously “Yes”

“I’m Doctor Carter, I’ve just been in surgery with your wife”

“Is she alright?”

The doctor paused “I’m afraid the news isn’t good” he motioned to the chair
“Please sit down”

Both Stephen and Bobby sank back into their seats, Stephen reached out and
grasped Bobby’s hand tightly  “Is she….” Stephen couldn’t bring himself to
complete the sentence.

The doctor shook his head “She’s alive, Mr Donnell, she was badly beaten in
the attack….”

“Attack!” Stephen interrupted shocked

The doctor nodded confused “Your wife was attacked waiting for the train,
surely the police told you this”

Stephen shook his head “I haven’t spoken to the police, the hospital rang
me to tell me Maggie was here, they said she was in an accident” he gave
Bobby a confused look “And then I haven’t been able to get any more
information, they kept telling me to wait for you. I didn’t know….” He was
unable to get anymore words out.

“I’m sorry” the doctor said gently “I thought the police would talk to you,
I don’t know any details except that your wife was attacked in the subway,
she was in critical condition when she arrived here. I’ve done what I can
to repair the damage to her body, but I’m afraid she doesn’t have any brain
activity. She’s on life support at the moment, but even if she can breathe
on her own, she’ll never regain consciousness. I’m terribly sorry”

Stephen sat there in shock, unable to comment, Bobby spoke for the first
time since the doctor entered the room “Surely there’s something you can
do” his voice was filled with disbelief at the news he’d just heard.

The doctor turned to him with a small shake of his head “I’ve done
everything I can” He paused “I know this is difficult but there’s no other
way to say it… usually with cases as severe as Mrs Donnell’s the
recommendation is to discontinue life support” Stephen made a strangled
sound and the doctor reached out sympathetically “These decisions don’t
need to be made now, your wife’s in intensive care you can see her if you
want”

Stephen nodded letting go of Bobby’s hand as they both stood and followed
the doctor down the corridor. There was a nurse standing by the bedside and
she quietly left the room as they entered. The doctor went to the foot of
the bed lifting the chart and making some notes. Stephen turned to him “Can
she hear us?”

The doctor looked up from the chart and there was compassion in his face
“To be quite honest Mr Donnell nobody knows for sure…. but my medical
opinion is no, she isn’t in a coma, there simply isn’t any brain activity
at all” He put the chart back in it’s place “I have some rounds to make,
but the nurses can page me if you need anything” he said as he turned and
left.

Stephen nodded and sat down beside Maggie picking up her hand as he did “Hi
Honey” he said softly “I’m here now, everything’s going to be ok” he looked
over to where Bobby stood in the doorway “Aren’t you going to say something
to your Mother?”

Bobby’s eyes remained glued to his mother’s motionless form, his eyes were
wide as he took in all the tubes and machines connected to her. Her face
was swollen from the beating and she was barely recognisable. He swallowed
audibly and took a tentative step closer. “Mum” he said but his voice
cracked and he couldn’t continue. Tears started running down his face and
he looked at this father desperately “I can’t….” he said brokenly and
turned an left the room.

He ran down the corridor and crashed through the exit doors gulping in the
air as he did. He felt an overwhelming urge to run and keep running to get
away from the hospital but his legs collapsed under him and he sank down
against the wall and buried his face in his hands. That was where Stephen
found him an hour later, Bobby didn’t hear him approaching and he jumped
when he felt a hand on his shoulder.


“Are you ok?” His father asked him, his throat was hoarse with emotion but
his eyes were dry. Bobby shook his head but didn’t look up. “Don’t give up
on her son, she’s a fighter” still Bobby gave no reaction and his father
sighed “Come on let’s go home” he tugged Bobby to his feet and they walked
in silence to the car.

* * *

Bobby sat at the bedside holding his mothers hand. It was the fifth day
he’d sat in the same position and he knew now as he had known days ago that
there were no signs of life. The swelling in her face had subsided and only
bruises remained but apart from that her condition remained unchanged. His
father remained unmovable on the subject of turning off the life support
much to the frustration of the doctors, and truth be told Bobby was getting
more than a little frustrated himself. Not that he was eager to say goodbye
to his mother, quite the opposite in fact, but he was convinced that this
wasn’t the way she wanted to live her last days on earth. It wasn’t like he
hadn’t tried to talk to his father about the issue, but every time he
raised it his father would change the subject, and so all Bobby could do
was sit and wait.

As was his habit while sitting by her bedside Bobby liked to focus on the
all the good times he’d shared with his mother, all the times she’d taken
him to his little league games and stood on the sideline with his father
cheering as he played. Sewing his costumes and walking him around the
neighbourhood as a child on Halloween, but the times he enjoyed the most
and that he knew he would never forget were the times she spent in the
kitchen teaching him to cook. It made him sad to think that he’d never be
able to experience any more times like that, that his mother wouldn’t be
around to see him graduate from high school or college, to see him get
married and have children.

Stephen entered the room still in his work clothes and smiled at his son
“How’s she doing today?” he asked.

“She’s the same” Bobby said, his voice filling with frustration. “What did
you expect?”

Stephen was taken aback by his attitude “What’s the matter Bobby?”

Bobby pushed back his chair and stood, letting go of his mothers hand. “Why
are you doing this Dad?”

“Doing what?” Stephen asked confused

“This” Bobby made a sweeping gesture with his arm that encompassed his
mother and the machines attached to her. “Why are you keeping her tied to
these machines?”

Stephen seemed a little stunned by the question, he paused for a moment and
said finally “She just needs a little time to get better”

“She’s not going to get better Dad” Bobby said near tears “She has no brain
activity there’s nothing there to get better. All the doctors say the same
thing, they’ve been saying it for day’s now, you’re the only one not
listening. What will it take to get you to LISTEN” he was starting to shout
now, as wave after wave of emotion swept through him “Mum would never want
to stay like this, if you loved her you’d let her go…..”

“I know you’re hurting Bobby but don’t ever accuse me of not loving your
Mother” Stephen interrupted, his voice turning cold.

“Then why won’t you let the doctor’s turn off the life support?”

Stephen didn’t answer immediately instead choosing to look down at his
wife, when he finally spoke his voice was quiet “The doctors won’t turn off
the life support”

“What?” Bobby asked confused “Why? They said themselves…..”

“It’s a Catholic hospital Bobby” Stephen said interrupting again “It’s
against hospital policy to turn off life support, it’s the responsibility
of the family” he looked down at his wife again “I could never turn off her
life support” he said softly, then he looked up at his son and his eyes
were blazing “But if it bothers you so much perhaps you should do it”

Bobby gaped at him, nothing his father could have said could have shocked
him more. His gaze travelled down to his mother and he stared at her for
what seemed like an eternity, while a war waged inside him. His father
wasn’t looking at him anymore instead choosing to focus on his wife,
neither of them said anything as the tension in the room mounted. The clock
on the far wall ticked on as fifteen minutes passed and then twenty.

Finally on a sob that seemed to wrack his whole body, Bobby walked slowly
around the other side of his mothers bed. He leaned down and kissed her
lightly on the forehead “I love you” he said quietly as tears streamed down
his face, and then with a hand that shook noticeably he reached out and
turned off the machine. It took only a couple of seconds to stop working
and then the continual beeping that had signified a heartbeat faded into
one long sound.

Stephen tore his eyes away from his wife, to look at his son “Bobby…..” he
said but his son held up a hand to silence him.

“Don’t talk to me” Bobby said, his voice void of emotion despite the tears
falling down his face. Without another word he turned and left the room.

This time when Bobby crashed through the exit doors, he gave in to the urge
and ran.


Stephen’s eyes scanned the park until his gaze fell on the lone figure
sitting on the eastern side of the park, under a line of trees. He hadn’t
even bothered to go home, after he had finally left the hospital. He knew
instinctively that this is where Bobby would go, where he had always gone
when things troubled him and he needed to think, or be alone. Bobby loved
the park, it was his refuge and Stephen knew he’d never needed it more. He
took a steadying breath as he approached his son and sat down beside him.
He knew he needed to explain, he also knew he didn’t have the words.

‘How do you explain to your son that you’d known for days that the doctors
wouldn’t turn off the machines. That for the same length of time you’d been
preparing to do just that only to seize up at every attempt. That today a
fifteen year old boy had been more of a man than his father’. Were there
words to take away the anguish he could see on Bobby’s face? Would any
explanation he gave suffice? Stephen didn’t think so.

Bobby didn’t look at Stephen instead keeping his gaze locked on the setting
sun, he obviously wasn’t going to be the first one to speak. Stephen took a
deep breath “I just couldn’t do it, Son”

Bobby shook his head in disgust and stood, he took one step away before his
father reached out and stopped him, when Bobby turned around to finally
face him, Stephen could see the anger and despair in his eyes, but what
scared him most was the hatred. He really didn’t think anything he said
would make a difference but he wasn’t ready to give up, he’d just lost his
wife, he wasn’t ready to lose his son as well. “Someday you’re going to get
married and have a family of your own, then maybe you’ll understand…..” he
wanted to continue but when the first tear escaped he couldn’t hold back
his emotions anymore. He let go of Bobby and buried his face in his hands.

Bobby was shocked, in all his fifteen years he’d never seen his father shed
a tear, whatever feelings he felt for his father at the moment, he couldn’t
deny the grief he saw there. On instinct he reached out and wrapped his
arms around the older man. Stephen clung to Bobby’s shirt front and buried
his face in his chest. “It’s just you and me now Son, you’re all I’ve got
left” he said brokenly, and with a strangled cry, he wept some more.

* * *

Bobby pulled at his tie for the umpteenth time that day and wished again
that he could take it off. This was the first time he’d ever worn a suit,
it was on loan to him from his cousin Toby and in the short time he’d been
wearing it he’d already developed a strong disliking for them. He was glad
he didn’t own one himself, and that normally he had very little reason to
wear one. He wished that he didn’t have a reason to wear one today too, but
it was the day of his mother’s funeral and anything less wouldn’t have been
respectful. He knew all the wishing in the world wouldn’t bring her back,
and he clung desperately to the belief that she was in a better place.

Father Patrick moved to the head of the grave and opened his bible, a good
number of people had come to pay their last respects to Maggie, and they
all gathered around the grave as the service began. Bobby didn’t really
listen to the words of the Priest, no words that were spoken could bring
him comfort, he’d been brought up to believe and respect God, but today as
he had every day since his Mother’s attack, he silently asked God why he
had allowed this to happen, and since he was yet to receive a response, his
devotion was wavering.

Movement from his father beside him brought him back from his thoughts and
he realised with surprise that the priest had finished speaking. He watched
as his father stepped forward  with a red rose which he placed on top of
the coffin then he murmured a few words that were for his ears only and
stepped back. Bobby was holding his own rose, his white, and he repeated
the movements of his father.  As soon as he stood back the casket was
lowered into the ground. Bobby watched it travel further and further down
until it stopped, he knew a lot of people were crying, but his eyes were
dry, he was determined that they would remain so.

People started filing past him, all offering words of sorrow or comfort.
Bobby nodded and shook the hands that were extended, and accepted the hugs
that were offered. He wondered if his mother had known how loved she had
been, but he was pretty sure she had. When the last of the mourners passed
by he turned towards his father.

“Are you alright?” Stephen asked

Bobby nodded but there was a lump in his throat “Are you?”

Stephen swallowed his own lump “Yeah” he looked down at the casket one last
time, and Bobby followed his gaze, Stephen was the first to look away.
“Umm” he cleared his throat “We should go” he started to walk away. Bobby’s
gaze lingered for a moment longer and he turned and followed his father.


End of part 1

__________________________________________________

My Soul to Keep
Part 2


Bobby picked up a stone and with a careless twist of his wrist sent it
skimming along the grass, it landed with a gentle clink in the middle of a
growing pile of stones he’d also thrown. He shook his head in disgust and
silently berated himself again for the hundredth time that hour. He
couldn’t believe it, his best chance, his absolute best chance to shine and
he’d blown it. The memory only a few hours old and still raw burned through
his mind again. There he’d been sitting in an auditorium filled to the
rafters listening to what Bobby considered the greatest criminal defense
attorney ever and he’d made a fool of himself.

He’d been lucky to even get a seat in the first place, everybody at the
college had put their name down to attend the talk when they’d heard who
the speaker would be. Raymond Oz, even now the name sent a little shiver
down Bobby’s spine. Everybody in the country had heard the name at some
point, he always got extensive media coverage on his trials, because the
medial loved him. He’d stop and answer questions, he’d joke with them,
dodge the questions he didn’t want to answer, answer the ones he did, then
he’d make some comment about how well the DA was doing,, and then he’d win.
Not always, nobody ever had a 100% success rate, but Oz came close. He had
a presence about him in the courtroom, the juries loved him as much as the
media did, the Judges respected him, and the DA’s had a healthy dose of
fear when they were opposing him. Then in the odd occasion that any of that
wasn’t enough he had tricks, he knew a hundred of them, for any
eventuality. But those he used with a conscience, money couldn’t buy
Raymond Oz’s counsel, he had to believe in you first, Oz was as well known
for the cases he turned down as he was for the ones he accepted.

So it was easy to understand everybody’s surprise when they learned he was
coming to Boston University to speak. He continually lectured at Harvard
when his schedule permitted, but never before at BU. After the initial
excitement had died down, people had started to question why, rumors were
abuzz  with what the talk would be about. And then another rumor had
surfaced, Raymond Oz was looking for a clerk, and he was looking at BU.
Most people dismissed the rumor as soon as they heard it, why would Raymond
Oz come to BU to look for a clerk, when he had all of Harvard Law to choose
from, but still even the most skeptical person couldn’t stop the little
flutter of hope that it might be true. It was said that he’d be giving a
lecture and then he’d be asking questions and evaluating. Because of this
so many people had put their names down that the Dean along with all of the
faculty heads had had a closed door session to determine who would get a
seat. Somehow Bobby had gotten one.

The lecture had been everything people expected, Oz was charismatic,
entertaining and informative. But then it had come time for the questions,
and the first one he’d aimed at Bobby. Bobby had been so stunned to hear
his name that his mind had gone blank, even now hours later he couldn’t
remember the question, let alone the answer, but he knew everybody else
did. He’d gaped as every eye turned towards him expectantly, he’d opened
his mouth to answer but no words had formed, no thought behind the words,
and he’d been left sitting, staring like a deer caught in headlights as
hands shot up everywhere and someone else had answered for him. The rest of
the session had gone by in a blur, then when everybody else had moved down
to the front of the room to crowd around Oz and shoot questions at him,
he’d turned and left silently, he’d been sitting on the grass ever since.

He picked up a slightly larger rock and sent it hurtling towards the pile
of stones he’d created, it made a nice crunching sound as it crashed into
them and sent them all moving in different directions.

“Nice shot”

Bobby spun around, he’d been so wrapped up in his thoughts he hadn’t heard
anyone approach him, he looked up into Raymond Oz’s amused gaze and for the
second time that day he gaped. “Mr Oz, I…. I uh didn’t hear you”

Ray nodded “You looked pretty thoughtful” he motioned to the patch of grass
beside Bobby, “Do you mind if  I join you?” Bobby shook his head, and Ray
read the surprise in his eyes at the simple request. “It’s Bobby, isn’t
it?” He asked and watched the surprise turn to astonishment at the mention
of his name, Bobby nodded.  “This is a nice spot” Ray said looking around
as he sat. Bobby kept nodding and Ray smiled to himself and wondered if the
young man was ever going to speak. “So” he said in another effort to start
a conversation “What did you think of the lecture?”

Bobby’s automatic blush had Ray biting back another smile “It was good” he
cleared his throat because his voice was sounding a little high “Uh great,
it was great”

Because Bobby was looking at the ground he didn’t see the laser quick grin
that flashed across Ray’s face before he could control it. “I don’t think I
saw you in the group shooting questions at me afterwards”

Bobby’s blush deepened, but this time he forced his eyes up to look at Ray
“I… I had to be somewhere”

Ray nodded, even though he saw through the lie, but then because he’d never
been one to beat around the bush he said “You were embarrassed about not
answering that question” His directness surprised Bobby, but Ray could also
see the misery in his face.

“I knew the answer” Bobby said quietly.

This time Ray did chuckle “Hell I know that son, you couldn’t have got into
law school without knowing it” he put a comforting hand on Bobby’s shoulder
“You were just flustered, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, it happens
to the best of us at some stage”

“Not to you”

Now it was Ray’s turn to be surprised “Why do you say that?”

“Because…” The surprise he saw in Ray’s eyes had him faltering a little
“Because I’ve seen you on TV and once I even got to see  you in the
courtroom, you’re always so confident.”

“Well that’s all just an act  it doesn’t mean I’m not nervous, I get
nervous before every trial”

Bobby looked at him stunned “You do?”

Ray nodded, showing no embarrassment “Nerves are a good thing Bobby, they
keep you on edge, the day you go into court without them is the day you
should worry”

Bobby looked unconvinced but in deference to the man he was talking too he
nodded “I guess”

“You don’t sound convinced”

Bobby lifted his eyes to Ray’s fearful that he’d insulted him, but his gaze
was met with one of amusement “It’s not that, it’s just that I don’t think
I’ll be seeing a lot of the inside of courtrooms”

“Why not?”

Bobby gave a half hearted shrug and put into words something he’d been
considering for some time “I’m thinking of majoring in corporate law”

“What? Corporate law, why?” Ray asked the question with such obvious
distaste that for the first time that afternoon Bobby felt the urge smile.

“Uh… I was at this law firm my Dad works for….”

“Your father’s a lawyer?” Ray asked surprised.

Bobby shook his head “No, he works there as a janitor, but I got an
interview with one of the partners there, he said if I made good grades
he’d give me a job”

Ray nodded in understanding “With so many lawyers graduating every year
it’s tough to find good jobs, but corporate law, it’s just….. well it’s
just so boring” He shook his head, and stood dusting off his trousers as he
did, “Well I guess that makes my offer redundant”

Bobby was on his feet in a heart beat “What offer?”

Ray nearly smiled at Bobby’s enthusiastic question but somehow managed to
keep a straight face  “You may have heard I’m looking for a clerk?” Bobby
nodded “I was going to offer you the position”

“Me?” The word came out as a squeak, he cleared his throat.

Ray nodded “You”

“But….” Sheer surprise had Bobby faltering “But you teach at Harvard”

“And you’re wondering why I don’t choose one of them?” Bobby nodded and Ray
sighed “Harvard’s a wonderful school, from an educational standpoint there
aren’t many better……. But BU guys are scrappers, Bobby, they fight for what
they get cause it’s the only way they can get it, and I’ll take a scrapper
any day.” He looked Bobby over thoroughly “You strike me as one, and I
pride myself on sizing people up, am I wrong?”

Bobby didn’t think he’d ever been given a better compliment “No” he said
and this time his voice was strong “No, you’re not wrong”

Ray nodded happy with the response. “Alright then, I have a job offer
Bobby, I’m offering it to you, if you want to learn I’ll be happy to teach
you” Because Bobby was already nodding Ray held up his hand, “Before you
say anything there are a few ground rules, firstly” He said counting off on
his fingers “I demand loyalty, we don’t know each other very well yet I’m
sure that will change but until it does I need to know that you’ll follow
my directions. The practice of law isn’t always clean and it isn’t always
nice, for someone just entering into it, some of the decisions I make or
the stunts that I pull could be considered questionable, and while I have
no problem with you asking me questions I need to know that even if you
don’t like or agree with the answer that you’ll do as I ask.”

Bobby nodded and Ray continued “Then secondly, confidentiality, again trust
will come with time but as a clerk you’ll have access to a lot of
information that comes through the office, none of what you read or hear
can be discussed, not with your friends or with your classmates no matter
how much they try to pump it out of you, or how much you trust them to keep
it a secret. Will that be a problem?”

Bobby shook his head “No sir”

“Ok” Ray said nodding “Then last but not least, number three is” he paused
for the dramatic effect that was so much his trademark that Bobby found
himself holding his breath “Promptness” Ray said, and he looked at Bobby
with a self-depreciating smile “I hate tardy people, they drive me crazy”
When Bobby just nodded, Ray continued “Well I don’t want to overburden you
with too many rules, those are the major ones, do you have any questions?”

“Just one sir”

“What’s that?”

“Well, Mr Oz…….”

“Ray” Ray interrupted “My names Ray, Mr Oz was my Uncle” At Bobby’s blank
stare Ray sighed “Bobby my boy, at the first opportunity we have to get you
a sense of humor, we’ll never get on without it, but in the mean time, call
me Ray”

“Umm….. Ray….. I was just wondering….” he paused not knowing how to phrase
the question without sounding stupid, but finally he blurted out “Why me? I
mean you don’t even know me, how can you know I’ll do a good job?”

Ray smiled “Bobby, do yo believe in fate?” Bobby shrugged and Ray’s smile
widened “I didn’t when I was your age either, but the other day I was down
here for a meeting with the Dean about today’s lecture, and as I passed by
a room there was a mock trial in progress, you may know it, I believe from
the small part I caught it was the Commonwealth vs Stanton”

Bobby’s eyes widened “You… You were there?”

Ray nodded “Briefly, I watched you cross examining the witness and there
was  a light in your eyes that intrigued me, you could say it reminded me a
lot of myself when I was your age, so I asked the Dean for you records and
I made my determination from there. I’ve been looking  for a clerk for some
time now, you’re the first person I saw that fit the bill. I would have
offered you the job earlier but a case came up and I haven’t been able to
get back here until now.  As I said before I like to think I’m a good judge
of character, I think you have a lot of potential. Anything else?” he asked
with a raised brow.

Bobby shook his head, still struck by Ray’s words. Ray nodded and held out
his hand “Then I’ll say welcome aboard” Bobby reached out and shook the
hand offered and then Ray reached into his pocket and withdrew a card.
“This is my number, phone me Monday at the office and we’ll set up a time
for you to come in and work out some arrangements.

Bobby finally found his voice “Ok”

With a satisfied nod and a small wave goodbye Ray turned and walked back up
the hill, Bobby watched him go and then with a weak laugh and a shake of
his head at the bewildering turn of events that had happened that
afternoon, he reached down and grabbed his bag and ran home to tell his
father the news.

* * *

Ray stood in the doorway and observed Bobby, it was obvious he was in his
own world and as such hadn’t noticed Ray’s approach. It gave him the
perfect opportunity to observe, and observing was something, if he did say
so himself, that he did especially well. He was a man who knew his own
talents and weaknesses, he had no problem accepting either. But it didn’t
take any keen observational talents to realise the boy was preoccupied.

‘Not a boy, a man’ Ray thought to himself, and allowed himself a small
smile, Bobby hated it when he referred to him as a boy. It was
understandable Ray conceded, it may have been quite awhile since he’d been
in his early 20’s but the memories of that time, of trying to carve a name
for himself, to be respected and taken seriously still burned brightly
enough. It was one of the reasons he’d first decided to hire Bobby as his
clerk, that fire in his eyes that spoke of determination but was then
countered equally with compassion. It was a mix that would serve the boy,
he shook his head and mentally corrected himself, serve the man well in the
future.

And it was that future that he knew was foremost on his young friends mind.
He pushed away from the doorframe and moved into the room, Bobby didn’t so
much as blink. “Nervous?” Ray asked quietly.

Bobby’s head jerked up and the pencil he’d been holding snapped in two.
“What?” he asked as his eyes focussed on Ray, and his breathing settled,
“Uhh no, why would I be? …. I was just thinking”

Ray looked with obvious amusement at he broken pencil still being clutched
in Bobby’s hand and nodded “So I could see. You know if you don’t let that
go you’re going to hurt yourself”

Bobby looked at him blankly for about five seconds before following Ray’s
gaze down to his hand. “Oh” he said opening his hand and letting the pieces
fall to the desk “Uh sorry,….. I guess I don’t know my own strength” it was
a weak attempt at humour but the best he could muster as he tried to
control his muddled thoughts.

“Bobby why don’t you go home?”

“Why?” Bobby asked and his confused tone had Ray holding back a smile.

“Because you’re too preoccupied to work, you’d be better off at home”

“Oh” Bobby said and this time his voice was laced with hurt.

Ray bit back a sigh “I didn’t mean it like that, all I meant was…” now he
did sigh “Your letter arrives today doesn’t it?”

Bobby looked up from the desk where he’d been fiddling with the broken
pieces of pencil “How did you know?” he asked, surprised.

Ray smiled and it lit up his whole face “I keep my ear to the ground, you’d
be surprised the information I know”

“Not really” Bobby muttered.

“What was that?” Ray asked although he’d heard the young man quite clearly
“Did you say something?”

Bobby cleared his throat “Ahh, no, no I didn’t”

“I didn’t think so” Ray said, amused “Bobby go home, it’s probably there
already, and you won’t be able to concentrate until you know, it’s nearly
time to finish anyway”

Bobby lifted a hand and rubbed idly at his brow, it was an unconscious
movement, and told Ray just how much stress the young man was feeling
“Yeah” he said quietly as he stood “I guess you’re right” he picked up his
coat and shrugged into it. “Thanks” he said as he turned to leave.

“Hey Bobby” Ray called out as he passed through the doorway, he waited
while Bobby stopped and turned “Give me a call and let me know how you go?”

“Umm, I’m meeting Jimmy tonight we’re going to open them together, it’s not
for a couple of hours yet”

Ray shrugged “I’m working late tonight, I’ll still be here” he would now
anyway, “I’d really like to know, although I’m sure you’ve aced it”

“I wish I had your confidence”

Ray smiled “That’s ok, I’ve got enough for both of us” the smile held in
place until Bobby left the room, and then he let out a small sigh. “Break a
leg kid”

* * *

Bobby twirled the envelope around in his hands and wished for the hundredth
time that Jimmy would hurry the hell up. The urge to tear open the letter
and read his result was almost overwhelming, and so with a nervous sigh he
forced himself to place it on the table and take some calming breaths. He
thought back to the day he’d sat the exam, he’d been so despondent when
he’d returned to the office, convinced he’d made a mess of it. He
remembered Ray trying to convince him that the outcome didn’t matter, that
a lot of lawyer’s didn’t pass the Bar on their first attempt, that it
didn’t make them failures. If worst came to worst Ray had said there was
always next time.

But Bobby didn’t want a next time, he wanted this time, it was important to
him, he needed to justify to himself that all the hard work he’d put in,
all the sacrifices he’d made hadn’t been in vain. He needed to show Ray
that all the time and effort he’d given him had been worth while. In the
two and a bit years that Bobby had been working for Ray he’d gained a lot
of  confidence in his ability to understand the law, and he owed the older
man a debt he thought would be impossible to repay. He hoped what would be
on the letter in front of him might be a nice start though, if it said he’d
passed. ‘Please God let me pass’ he thought as glanced at the clock on the
wall again.

He scanned the crowd and let out a sigh of relief when he noticed Jimmy
weaving his way towards him, he’d obviously stopped off at the bar first
because he was carrying two mugs of beer. He put one down in front of Bobby
and smiled, but Bobby could see the strain behind it “It looked like you
needed a refill” he said as he slid into the booth.

Bobby looked down at the nearly empty mug in front of him, he hadn’t
realised he’d had so much “Yeah, thanks” he looked over at Jimmy “Have you
got it?”

Jimmy nodded and reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a rumpled
envelope “It’s right here”

“You didn’t peek did you Jimmy? Cause we said we we’re opening them
together”

Jimmy shook his head “Nuh-uh, I didn’t peak, look it’s still sealed” he
straightened it out and held it up in the light for Bobby to see. Then he
glanced down at the envelope sitting in front of Bobby “Who’s going to go
first?”

Bobby took a deep breath “I will” he said and lifted the envelope but his
hands shook as he went to open it, he ran his finger along the edge but
then stopped.

Jimmy looked at him quizzically “What’s the matter?”

Bobby shoved the envelope towards him “You open it”

“What?” Jimmy said, the word coming out as a yelp “What? Why? I don’t want
to open it, what if it’s bad news then you’ll blame me, it’s your letter
you open it”

“Please Jimmy” Bobby asked, pleading.

Jimmy sighed and muttered something about shooting the messenger, then
plucked the envelope out of Bobby’s hand “Fine, but you’re opening mine”

Bobby nodded “Ok, sure” he rubbed his sweaty hands on his slacks “Hurry up
would you?”

“I’m hurrying” Jimmy muttered and tore at the envelope, he took the letter
out and began reading “Dear Mr Donnell…..”

“God, don’t read it all Jimmy, get to the important stuff” Bobby
interrupted.

Jimmy frowned at him over the top of the piece of paper, then turned his
attention back to it. He scanned the letter then neatly folded it and
looked Bobby in the eye.

“Oh God” Bobby murmured when Jimmy didn’t say anything “I failed didn’t I,
it’s ok you can tell me”

Suddenly Jimmy’s face broke out into a huge grin, “Nah, I’m just playing
with you, you passed”

“I did?” his voice was nothing more than a squeak, but Bobby didn’t care,
he snatched the letter from Jimmy and scanned it himself “I passed” he said
as he looked up.

“I know” Jimmy said delighted, “I just told you you did, didn’t I?”

Bobby nodded still in shock “I passed” he repeated.

Jimmy rolled his eyes, “I got that part Bobby, gee first time too” he
looked down at his own envelope with dread. “I wish I knew what that felt
like”

Bobby clamped down on his own happiness and looked at his friend, he’d
known him for three years now, ever since they’d sat next to each other at
a college seminar, and Jimmy’s pen had leaked ink all over his study notes.
He’d asked to borrow Bobby’s and despite the fact that he was a year ahead
of Bobby and they had different interests the two had formed a strong
friendship. “You just weren’t ready last year Jimmy, you’re older and wiser
now, you’ll do fine” Jimmy wasn’t paying attention and Bobby reached out
and put his hand on his shoulder. “Do you want me to open it?”

Jimmy nodded and Bobby picked up the envelope, he took out the letter and
scanned it quickly, and his grin was laser quick. “You did it”

“Really?” Jimmy asked

Bobby nodded “Really” he couldn’t hold his delight as he let out a huge
whoop, several people in the bar turned to look at them. He handed the
letter back to Jimmy who scanned it quickly, not once Bobby noticed but
twice. He held out his hand “Congratulations Jimmy you’re a member of the
Bar”

Jimmy reached out and shook Bobby’s hand, emotion was tearing him up inside
the desire to both laugh and cry were equally as strong. He lay his head
down on the table to give himself a moment to compose himself.

“Are you ok?” Bobby asked

“I passed” Jimmy mumbled and Bobby had to lean in to hear him.

“You sure did, Jimmy”

“I never thought I’d pass” Now he lifted his head and Bobby could see the
tears shimmering in his eyes “I mean I hoped, but deep down I never thought
I would” He reached out and took a long swallow of his beer trying to
steady himself.

Bobby leaned across and put his hand on his shoulder “Well you did, God
Jimmy you’re a lawyer, we’re both lawyers”

“Yeah” then the need to laugh outweighed the need to cry and he let out a
long chuckle “Yeah we’re lawyers” he held up his mug and waited until Bobby
did the same, they knocked them together and beer spilt over the sides and
splashed down on the table. “Congratulations, Bobby”

“Congratulations, Jimmy” Bobby said again, and then he stood.

“Where are you going?” Jimmy asked, “I thought we were gonna celebrate”

Bobby nodded “We sure are, order me another one would you Jimmy, I just
have a phone call to make” and he headed off to the phones to call Ray.


End of Part 2

_____________________________________________________

My Soul to Keep
Part 3


“Mr Fromburg, how are you related to the victim?” the Prosecutor asked
quietly.

“She was my sister”

“Were you close?”

Fromburg nodded “Yes” he turned his head to make direct eye contact with
the Jury “Very”

“And when was the last time you had any contact with your sister, Sir?”

“Well” He cleared his throat “I didn’t exactly have contact with her, but I
went to her house on the 24th”

“The night she was killed?”

“That’s right”

“And why didn’t you have contact with your sister then? Wasn’t she home?”

“No, no, she was home” He cleared his throat again “There was an argument,
I didn’t want to interrupt so I left”

“Did you hear any of the argument?”

“Yes” his head nodded again

“Can you tell us what you heard?”

“Well, I wasn’t there for long, but I heard him say ‘You wont get away with
this Annie’ and then she said something I didn’t catch…. I guess she was
speaking softly…. and he said ‘You’ll pay for this I’ll make sure of it’….
they seemed to be right in the middle of a fight, like I said I didn’t want
to interrupt so I left, and the next day the cops came and told me she’d
been murdered.”

“And do you know who she was arguing with Mr Fromburg?”

“Yeah” he looked over at the defense table, briefly before turning back to
look at the prosecutor “Yeah, it was Jack”

“The defendant?” Fromburg nodded. “Are you sure Mr Fromburg”

This time he kept his gaze straight ahead “I’m positive”

The DA nodded, satisfied and turned to the Judge “In that case, I have no
further questions, the Prosecution rests, Your Honor” as he turned and
walked over to his seat, Bobby caught the small smirk he shot his way.

‘Slimy bastard’ Bobby thought to himself and shook his head, he couldn’t
afford distractions now, this was the witness he had to break if he had any
chance of getting an acquittal for his client. This was the prosecutions
key witness, if he couldn’t shake his story he was sunk. He looked over to
where Fromburg sat in the witness chair, he wasn’t a big man, medium build,
medium height, but he was clean cut and had an earnest expression on his
face that Bobby knew the DA would have coached him to use. It was the kind
of expression juries loved. The kind they wanted to believe in. It was
Bobby’s job to get them to see under it.

“Mr Donnell?” The Judge asked looking at him expectantly.

Bobby stood “Ready, Your Honor” he walked over to stand in front of the
witness box “I just have a few questions Mr Fromburg” outwardly he was the
image of control and confidence, inwardly he was a shaking mass of jelly.
“What time did you arrive outside your sisters door?”

Fromburg frowned, and appeared to think it over “I don’t know, about 9
o’clock”

“Was your sister expecting you?”

“Expecting me?” Fromburg looked confused “No, I don’t think so”

“Then why were you there?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean Mr Fromburg, what were you doing outside your sisters door at 9
o’clock at night, wasn’t it a bit late for a social call?”

“Well…” he faltered a little “She was my sister, I hadn’t seen her in a few
weeks and I wanted to see how she was”

“So it was common for you to drop over at this time of night? Without an
invitation?”

“Not common, no” He blew out a breath “Normally I’d call first just to make
sure she was home”

“Did you call first on the night in question?”

“No” He was starting to sound testy.

“Why not?”

“I was in the neighbourhood, and so I thought I’d drop in, take a chance
that she’d be home”

“But on arriving at her house, you’ve just testified that you didn’t even
knock, or announce your presence in anyway?”

Fromburg nodded, back on solid ground “That’s right, I heard them arguing
and I didn’t want to interrupt”

Bobby nodded “That’s what you said. Tell me, could you hear the voices
clearly Sir?”

Fromburg looked confused “Sure, I was just on the other side of the door.”

“And how long would you say you stayed at the front of the house?”

“I don’t know, a couple of minutes”

“Less than five?”

He shrugged “I guess”

“Why didn’t you stay longer?”

“What?” Now Fromburg was starting to lose his composure as his agitation
shone through

“You’ve stated that you were very close to you sister, but you hadn’t seen
her in a few weeks, you’d made the trip over to her house why didn’t you
hang around to see if the argument would blow over, so that you could get
your visit in”

“It didn’t sound like it was going to blow over anytime soon, and even if
it did, I figured Annie wouldn’t be in the mood for socialising afterwards,
so I left”

“I see” Bobby replied thoughtfully “So that would put the time of your
visit between say 9 and 9.05 would that be correct?”

Fromburgs eyes narrowed, if Bobby was setting a trap he couldn’t see it but
still he nodded warily “Give or take a few minutes, either side”

Bobby nodded “Fair enough, tell me Mr Fromburg are you familiar with a lady
by the name of Glenda Mitchell?”

Fromburg shook his head “No, I can’t say that I am”

“She owns the house directly behind your sisters, your sister never
mentioned her to you?”

“No she didn’t, but then my sister doesn’t mention every passing
acquaintance she has to me, so that’s not surprising”

“Would it surprise you to learn on the night in question that Ms Mitchell
was putting her dog outside at 9 o’clock as she does every night, and
witnessed two silhouettes, seemingly in an argument from her back door.”

“No, that would appear to jive with my testimony”

Bobby nodded “Yes it would, are you familiar with the layout of your
sisters house, Mr Fromburg?”

“Objection” the DA said rising “What’s the point of this line of
questioning Your Honor, the witness has already stated he didn’t enter the
house on the night in question”

“I’d like to know the answer to that myself, Mr Donnell”

Bobby smiled with a confidence he wasn’t feeling “Some latitude Your Honor,
I am going somewhere with this”

“Well get there quickly, objection overruled”

“Thank you” He turned back to Fromburg “The layout Mr Fromburg are you
familiar with it?”

Fromburg nodded “I am”

“I wasn’t, so I had to familiarise myself with it” he went to the table and
lifted up a sheet of cardboard containing a floorplan, of a large house,
oddly shaped, rooms seemed to jut out in every direction.  “Your Honor, I’d
like to introduce this as Defence exhibit B” he said showing it to the
Judge.

“So noted” the Judge replied.

“Mr Fromburg, would you say this was an accurate representation of your
sisters  house?”

Fromburg studied it carefully “I would”

“And where would you say you sister was in the house when the argument
occurred?”

Fromburg looked confused “Where in the house?”

Bobby nodded, he felt a trickle of sweat run down his back under his suit
and prayed it wouldn’t show through, now they were getting down to crunch
time “Yes sir, you testified earlier that you heard the voices clearly,
going by your knowledge of the house what room would you say the argument
took place in”

“Well” Fromburg cleared his throat and glanced nervously at the DA, Bobby
moved fractionally to place his body in the way effectively cutting off any
communication that might have transpired. He couldn’t risk anything now.
“Well like I said I was close, so I’d say the living room”

“Would it surprise you to know Sir that the only window of your sisters
house Mrs Mitchell can see from her back door would be this one?” Bobby
held up the sheet of cardboard and pointed to a window directly at the rear
of the house “And that this was the window she identified as the one where
she saw the argument take place” When Fromburg only shrugged Bobby
continued “Do you know what this room is Mr Fromburg?”

“I’d say it was the Den”

Bobby nodded and held up the card so that the Jury could see it  “And how
far away would you say the Den was from the front door?”

“I have no idea” Fromburg said stiffly. But it was more of a rhetorical
question everyone could see it was the furtherest room away.

Putting down the piece of cardboard, but leaving it in sight of the Jury,
Bobby walked over and picked up his notes “Did you hear the television on
inside the house, Sir?”

Fromburg thought for a minute “Yes I think I did”

“According to the police report there was a television in the living room
and one in the master bedroom, which one would you have heard?”

“I believe it was the one in the living room”

“Was it loud?”

Fromburg’s brow puckered in thought “I don’t know, I can’t remember”

“Could you make out what program was playing on the television?”

Now Fromburg was getting impatient “No, I’m sure I couldn’t, I wasn’t
paying attention to the television I was paying attention to the argument,
the television wasn’t that loud, I couldn’t hear it very clearly, why is
this important?”

“Please just bear with me a moment sir, would it surprise you to learn that
when the police entered the premises the next day, the television’s volume
control was set to six and was louder than the volume I’m currently talking
in, could that be correct?”

“If you say so, I’ll take your word for it”

“Then can you explain to me sir, how you could hear an argument that
occurred at the back of the house, when you couldn’t even hear the
television in the next room?”

Suddenly Fromburg saw the trap, he blinked in surprise “Well…… well
obviously they were yelling”

“Screaming?” Bobby inquired

“Yes screaming” Fromburgs head was bobbing up and down.

Bobby flipped through his notes again “None of the neighbours reported
screaming, at most they’ve mentioned is a muted argument, nothing that
overly concerned any of them, in fact if the housekeeper hadn’t arrived the
next morning and found your sisters body, it may have been day’s before
she’d have been discovered isn’t that correct?”

Fromburg was losing ground “Well obviously they were further away”

“Actually sir, from your location it appears some of them were closer than
you” Bobby waved that away “How were you able to identify my clients voice”

“I beg your pardon?”

Bobby allowed  himself a small smile, his confidence growing “Well, we’ve
established that you were at the other end of the house at the time of the
argument, with the noise of the television interfering with your ability to
hear correctly, so how can you be positive it was my client that was
arguing with your sister?”

“Well…” Now Fromburg was more than flustered “Well it was his house, of
course I can’t be positive, but it sounded like….”

“So you’re not positive” Bobby jumped in, like a dog snapping at a bone.

“What? Well I’m reasonably sure”

“You testified for the prosecution that you were positive”

“Objection, asked and answered” the DA interjected.

“Sustained” The judge replied

Bobby gave a small nod but didn’t break stride “You’re aware of my clients
testimony that he wasn’t home on the night in question?”

Now Fromburg sneered “I’m aware he said he got drunk and slept in a park”

“Do you have any reason to doubt his word, Mr Fromburg?”

“Apart from the fact that I think he killed my sister? I mean it’s not a
very good alibi is it?”

“And you’re aware that your testimony is the only thing that actually puts
my client in the house the night your sister was killed”

“I am aware of that yes”

“How much money was your sister worth sir?”

“Worth?” the question seemed to surprise him “I don’t know, with life
insurance, about 2 Million dollars, give or take a few”

“And did she have any other family besides you, and my client”

Fromburgs eyes narrowed “No, she didn’t”

“So if my client is accused of murdering his wife, who would the estate go
to”

“Me”

Bobby nodded “Do you have a key to your sisters house?”

“Yes, she has one to my house as well, why?”

“So we have only your word that you actually left that night?”

“What?” Fromburg sat bolt upright in his chair “If you’re implying that I
had anything to do with my sisters death…..”

“Well it all seems very convenient for you doesn’t it sir?” Bobby
interrupted “You’re the only one who can place your brother-in-law at the
scene of the crime, if he’s convicted you get all her money, and you had
access to the house…”

“Objection!” the DA said jumping to his feet, his face red “This is all
speculation, the Defence has no proof about any of this, he’s just making
it up as he goes along. He’s not even asking a question”

“Objection sustained, take your seat Mr Roberts” the Judge looked at Bobby
“This isn’t closing statements Mr Donnell, please save your theories until
then, do you have anymore questions for this witness?”

“No Your Honor” He looked to the witness box where Fromburg sat glaring at
him “I’m finished with this witness” He strode back to his chair and sat
down, his mouth was brutally dry but he was afraid that if he picked up his
glass of water the whole room would be able to tell how nervous he was, so
he left it where it was.

* * *

Bobby sat in his office and tried to concentrate, but it was useless.
Closing arguments had been finished two hours ago, he’d sent Jack back to
his holding cell after a brief meeting and now he was trying to focus his
mind on anything other than the pending decision. Waiting it seemed wasn’t
his strong point.

A movement at the door captured his attention “Bobby” Rebecca said “Ray’s
here”

Bobby sat up straighter “Really?” at her nod he smiled “Well send him in
Bec, thanks”

She left and moments later Ray entered “Hey kid, how’s it going”

Bobby blew out a breath and tried to hide his nervousness. “Good, it’s
going great…. the ahh, the Jury’s still out”

Ray nodded “Can’t expect them to come back too early in a murder trial”

“I know” he sighed “I just hate waiting”

Ray smiled “You’ll get used to it” he leaned forward “That was a hell of a
closing statement you gave Bobby, I was proud of you”

“Really?” Bobby flushed with pleasure and couldn’t hide his smile “Thanks.
I was so nervous”

Ray nodded “Well, you didn’t let it show which is the main thing. You put a
lot of work into this trial, you were prepared, things like that make the
difference”

Bobby shrugged “It was my first murder trial, I’ve never been up against
anything like this before, where a man’s life is in your hands. I need to
know that whatever the verdict, I did everything I could.” He looked over
at Ray “I couldn’t have done it without your help, those questions you
helped me write for the brother really helped turn the table I think”

Ray leaned back in his chair “I’m here to help you anytime you need it, but
you did all the work on this one Bobby, the victory if you get it belongs
to you, no one else”

“Yeah so does the defeat”

Ray smiled “Everybody loses” at Bobby’s look his smile grew wider “Even me,
you should have seen me during my first murder trial” He scratched his head
idly  “How old are you now Bobby?”

“29”

Ray nodded “That’s about the age I was too, I was working for my father and
he gave me this case” He shook his head as the memories surfaced “Lets just
say I hope you get a better verdict than I did….”

He was interrupted by Rebecca knocking on the door “I’m sorry to interrupt
but that was the courthouse the verdicts in”

“What!”  Bobby said stunned, he glanced at the clock on the wall “Already?
But it’s only been two and a half hours” he looked over to Ray nervously
“What does that mean?”

Ray stood up he was already getting into his coat “Lets go down there and
find out”

Bobby nodded and shrugged into his own coat “Yeah, ok” he started patting
his pockets looking for his keys.

Ray looked at him amused “We’ll take my car Bobby, I think it’ll be safer”
he said as he started out the door.

“Wait for me” Rebecca said as she grabbed her coat and struggled to lock
the door “I’m coming too”

* * *

The judge looked over at the jury “Mr Foreman has the Jury reached a
verdict?”

The foreman stood and nodded “We have Your Honor” he handed the paper to
the bailiff who took it to the Judge, the Judge glanced at it and handed it
back to the foreman. He looked over at the defense table “Will the
defendant please rise”

Bobby took a deep breath and got to his feet beside Jack “Mr Foreman what
is your verdict?” the judge asked.

“In the matter of the Commonwealth vs Taylor we the Jury find the
defendant…” he looked over before continuing “Not Guilty”

Bobby’s knees nearly buckled, if it wasn’t for the fact that Jack was
embracing him enthusiastically he was sure they would have. The buzz in the
courtroom erupted as reporters scrambled forward firing questions but Bobby
didn’t even hear them. Jack let him go and Bobby stumbled slightly reaching
out an placing a hand on the table to steady himself. He felt a hand on his
shoulder and turned finding himself looking into Ray’s eyes, he couldn’t
read the emotion he saw there, but he knew he hadn’t seen it before.

“Congratulations, Bobby” Ray said quietly and pulled Bobby into a rough
bear hug, camera’s went off everywhere, neither of them cared.

“I….” Bobby cleared his throat and swallowed the lump that had formed “I
can’t thank you enough for all your help…”

Ray was already shaking his head, cutting off Bobby’s words “This was all
you Bobby, this is your moment, enjoy it”

Bobby nodded and then got distracted as Rebecca came up from his other side
and hugged him exuberantly “You did it, you did it” she said smiling hugely
and hugging him again. “I knew you would”

Ray smiled at them “Why don’t I take you both out to dinner to celebrate?”

Rebecca, never one to turn down a free meal smiled “I’d love to”

He turned to Bobby, “What do you say?”

Bobby nodded “Yeah, thanks Ray that sounds great” he paused “I should call
my Dad first though, to let him know the news”

“Invite him along Bobby, the more the merrier”

Bobby looked at him surprised “You sure?”

Ray nodded “Sure, I haven’t seen Stephen in ages, it’ll be great to catch
up, I’ll give Joanne a call as well, we’ll make a real party out of it.” he
looked towards the waiting press, “But first you have to go and answer a
few questions”

Bobby nodded and with a smile walked into the waiting crowd.


End of part 3

 _________________________________________________________


Title: My Soul to Keep

Author: Bron (bronwyn_00@excite.com)

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to DEK and ABC. I don’t own any of nor do I
profit from it.

Authors Notes: I think this part might need a bit of an explanation so I’ll
do my best. Basically now I’ve come to the part of the story that coincides
with the tv show. In the interests of keeping as close to the storyline as
possible I’ve used some dialogue from the show, but I’ve mixed it with
additional scenes of my own. The first part of this story takes place
during the second season episode ‘Save the Mule’  the second part of the
story takes place during the episode ‘The Trial’ and also makes references
to the episodes ‘Ties that Bind and ‘In Deep’. Anyway I hope this makes
sense. Thanks as always to June for all her help. And also to Kylie for her
editing.

Part 4
____________________________________________________

Bobby wandered down the street, his mind in turmoil. The weather was
unseasonably cold for the time of year, but he didn't pay it much
attention. He needed to clear his head, to concentrate and focus his
thoughts. Less than two hours ago he'd been in his office, on his couch,
his body wrapped around Lindsay's. He hadn't been capable of any kind of
coherent thinking then, and even now as he walked the memory was still so
vivid in his mind that he wondered how he'd ever think straight again.

The cold air was turning his fingers to ice, and he lifted them up to his
mouth blowing on them in a feeble attempt to defrost them. When that failed
he tucked them into the pockets of his coat and wrapped it tighter around
him. Spotting an empty bench on the other side of the road he crossed over
and sat down, his mind already replaying the conversation they'd shared
earlier.

~ ~ ~ ~

"What's stopping you?"

The question threw him for a moment "Excuse me?"

"With Helen, what's stopping you?"

"What? Why, did she say something?"

A small smile played around the corners of her mouth "She said you seem
stuck, like you want to go forward but you wont"

How the hell did he explain? Damned if he knew "Well it's just that…. I
like her" She seemed to think about that but she didn't respond so he
continued "That may be the problem, I like her"

"And?"

He walked around from behind the desk stopping beside it, keeping the
distance between them, "And before I go down that road I have to be sure
about everything else" now he moved, sitting down beside her and resting
his arm on the back of the couch "You know?"

She turned towards him, seemed to sigh "Bobby…. everything else is clear"

He sighed, realised he had to get it off his chest "It just doesn't make it
any easier that she's a friend of yours Lindsay"

She nodded, and when her eyes met his they were clear and direct "We both
agreed if either of us met someone who could be…" now she faltered a
little, waged an internal war "You've met somebody Bobby"

He shook his head "It doesn't bother you?" he wasn't exactly sure how he
felt about that.

"Well….. I'll miss you…. and I'll get a little lonely" she forced herself
to continue before the emotions she was suppressing burst through "But you
and Helen are a good match. Besides I feel on the verge of meeting somebody
myself" She thought she deserved to keep a little pride, unselfishness only
went so far. "Don't let her get away, she's a good one"

He looked at her, processing her words, but his emotions were still torn
"How can you be so adult about all this" He wasn't sure what he'd expected,
tears, anger, hurt. He hadn't expected acceptance.

Now she smiled, "Because I know what we were…. And I know what we weren't"

He shook his head "I just wish… I just wish it were harder for you" It was
tearing him up inside. "At least a little"

She was glad he couldn't tell exactly how hard it was for her, how each
word was like being pierced through the heart. She nearly took it all back,
came a whisper away from confessing her love, from breaking down. But she
was determined to get through this, she knew as much as it hurt, that
sometimes the only way was to let go of the things you loved most. Bobby
had to make his own decisions, he had to choose, and she had to let him. As
much as she wished he would choose her, if it was going to be Helen then,
she hoped she was adult enough to accept that and wish them well.  When she
spoke it was from the heart "I'll make do with the memories" She smiled,
tried to lighten the mood "Maybe we should celebrate that we were able to
keep the secret" Her eyes went serious again, the hand that she had fisted
at her side ached to reach out and touch him "And it was some secret while
it lasted"

He nodded and the small smile he gave her broke through some of the
barriers. Without thinking she leaned in to kiss him. The fire in his eyes
when she sat back, had her catching her breath. When she felt his hands go
to the front of her suit jacket and undo the top button, she was powerless
to stop him. She didn't want to stop him. She may regret it later but she
needed him now. "This is the last time"

He nodded absently, already too focused on unbuttoning the jacket, pushing
it out of the way, and when she turned her head so their lips met again,
all thoughts of first time, last time or any other time fled from his mind,
there was only this time, and only her. "Oh God" he heard himself mutter
before his mind went blank and instinctively his body took over, moving
them both in a rhythm they had moved to before but always felt different.

He had no idea how much time passed before his brain started to function
again, but when she put her arm down to push herself away and started to
rise, he opened his eyes to look at her. The gaze that locked onto his was
full of emotion, she turned away and started to dress "I have to go" she
threw her clothes on haphazardly, hurriedly, and turned towards the door,
he stopped her just before she walked through it.

"Lindsay, wait"

She turned around refusing to look him in the eye "I can't Bobby, I…..I
really have to go" she blew out a breath in an attempt to talk slower, but
her nerves were still jittery and she wished with all her might he'd put
some clothes on, he was distracting the hell out of her.

"Wait" he held up a hand as if to stop her from retreating further out the
door "Just wait a minute we need to talk about this…… Just let me get some
clothes on" he was already pulling on his trousers, because he was looking
around the room, he missed her look of relief "Where's my shirt?" he
spotted it on the far side of the couch and bent to retrieve it, he
shrugged into it and then decided not to bother with the buttons and left
it hanging open.

"Please Lindsay sit down" he said motioning her back into the room. She
looked at the couch they'd just been lying on, and reading her thoughts
pretty clearly, he smiled slightly. "In my chair then, you can sit over
there" When she moved to the other side of his desk, he chose to sit on the
couch himself, a bit of distance at the moment was best for both of them.
He opened his mouth to speak, not exactly sure what he was going to say but
she beat him too it.

"This shouldn't have happened, it was a mistake"

He looked over at her in surprise, and he had to admit a bit of hurt as
well, "You think it was a mistake?"

"Yes" she looked at him uncertainly "I mean don't you?"

"Well" She'd thrown him off stride "I guess"

She nodded, as if she'd been expecting that answer, then she closed her
eyes as a wave of shame passed over her "What are we going to do?"

"About what?" A question like that brought up all sorts of possibilities.

"Helen" she opened her eyes and finally met his "We just cheated on her"

"Hey?" He was surprised by her phrasing but also by her meaning "Lindsay,
Helen and I have never slept together"

"It doesn't matter, you've still been dating, she believes you're in a
relationship"

Bobby decided Helen must be a lot more open with Lindsay than she was with
him, he thought they were still in the category of 'just good friends'. The
reason he'd been taking things so slowly with Helen was because he'd still
been sorting out his feelings for Lindsay. She'd been keeping her distance
from him for the last couple of weeks, now he understood why.

"We can't tell her"

"What?" he'd been so caught up in his thoughts he hadn't realised she'd
spoken. "You think we should keep it to ourselves?" She nodded "And you'd
be ok with that?"

"Yes, no.." She reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose, squeezed her
eyes shut "I guess I'll have to be"

"Why? Wouldn't it be better just to clear the air, get it out in the open?"
He paused, then leaned forward "Lindsay I don't think we've done anything
wrong here, I haven't made a commitment to Helen"

She kept her eyes closed "Bobby you don't understand Helen, if she thinks
anything's going on between us, she wouldn't come anywhere near you. It
would be bad enough if she'd known about us previously, but to know about
tonight, about now…. You'd be over before you even had the chance to start"
Now she opened her eyes, there was a slight sheen to them "It's better this
way, you two…." She choked the words out "You're good together, you deserve
a chance, this is the only way" She pushed back from the desk, and stood,
walked over to the door.

"Lindsay wait" Bobby called out, but she shook her head and kept walking.

~ ~ ~ ~

Bobby breathed out a sigh and watched the cold air frost in front of him,
he'd let her walk away. He knew he could have stopped her, but he didn't
know what else he would have said to her if he had, so instead he'd let her
go. When he'd started this arrangement with Lindsay it had been because
they were both lonely, both looking for something the other could provide.
But somewhere along the line he'd developed feelings for her. Feelings he
didn't know if he could or should express, ones he wasn't entirely sure he
understood. Then he'd met up with Helen and he'd developed feelings for her
as well, different from what he felt for Lindsay but just as confusing.

He knew where he stood with Helen, thought he knew how she felt, it wasn't
something he could say about Lindsay. Even after all their time together he
still couldn't read her, they'd both been careful to keep their emotions to
themselves and he thought now that was probably a mistake. But then
hindsight was usually a wonderful thing. Regardless he didn't really think
Lindsay would let him near her again after tonight, he'd seen the look on
her face as she left and he knew she'd decided he'd be better off with
Helen. He wondered with just a trace of jealousy who she thought she was on
the verge of meeting, but then shook his head and decided not to travel
down that path

Another gust of cold air passed by him, sending a shiver running through
his body. Deciding that he should get home before he caught pneumonia, he
stood and jogged briskly back across the road. Lindsay was right he
decided, we do deserve a chance, he glanced at his watch and noticed it was
nearly 11.30 and thought it was probably too late to call. So as he walked
around the corner and into his apartment building he made a mental note to
contact Helen tomorrow.
__________________________________________________________

Bobby wondered for the hundredth time what the hell he was doing as he
climbed the steps to of the house. Lindsay, Jimmy and Ellenor followed
behind him. Was this case really worth giving up his relationship with
Helen? Only a few hours ago she'd basically come right out and told him
that that's exactly what it came down too. Did he really care about winning
that much? Or was it more a case of he didn't care about Helen enough? He
had no idea, and now really wasn't the time to be thinking of it.

He walked into the room and stopped dead, looking at the large stain of
blood covering the bed, he didn't have any problem picturing the scene in
his head and he figured Lindsay, Ellenor and Jimmy were probably doing the
same.

"Bobby" Lindsay grabbed his arm and pulled him over to the side of the
room, she waited until Jimmy and Ellenor left before talking. "Maybe you
should recuse yourself" when he started to interrupt she hurried on "I know
you took on this case for the firm but you and Helen…. and this" she
gestured towards the bed, the sheets covered in blood, but she kept her
eyes on his.

"I know" he interrupted "I know the risks"

"Maybe Winslow would stay with the firm, even if you weren't first
chairing, just distance yourself a little…. Are you really willing to throw
away somebody you love for a case?"

'Love' where the hell had that come from? He wasn't in love was he? Surely
he'd know if he was. He shook his head, it still didn't change his answer
"Yes" He could tell Lindsay was surprised, and because he'd always been
able to talk to her he continued. "I got this case because somebody at a
high-rise blue chip law firm recommended me. As the best. I've been
practicing law in that rat hole for ten years, looking out the window
seeing those… those lawyers look down on me. And now one of them came into
my office and said I'm the best. I like how I got this case Lindsay, I like
that I'm gonna try it in the media, and that I'm gonna get paid a lot to do
it, and I'm gonna win it" He looked at her, then away "I'm gonna win it"

She seemed to sigh "But Bobby…."

"No" he interrupted "This is the way it has to be, Lindsay. I know Helen is
a friend of yours, and I'm sorry if this puts you in the middle, but it's
the way it is"

She nodded "Have you talked to Helen about this? Maybe if you ask her to
step down she will"

He shook his head "She won't. I didn't really expect her too. She said by
choosing to take the case I chose to put you…" at her raised eyebrows he
cleared his throat "guys above her. She doesn't see why she should
prioritise our personal relationship if I won't"

"Would you like me to talk to her?"

"No" His voice came out a little harsher than he'd meant too. He took a
deep breath and spoke more softly "No…. but thanks. I'll handle this on my
own"

She nodded, half expecting the answer, Bobby always liked to handle things
on his own "Ok, well if you change your mind you know where to find me"
when he nodded she turned to leave "I'm just going to round up Jimmy and
Ellenor, we'll wait for you downstairs.

~ ~ ~ ~

Bobby sat in his office, his head in his hands. Relationships he decided
were just too much trouble all around. Right now he should be concentrating
on the case, but instead all he could think about was Helen…. and Lindsay.
He should have taken her up on her offer to talk, he always felt better
when he talked to her, but she was too close to the situation. Too close to
Helen…. and too close to him. He'd work it out himself, he thought, after
all how hard could it be?

A knock at the door had him jumping, he hadn't heard anyone come in. He
looked up and over at Eugene.

"Hey Bobby" Eugene stepped into the room, looked at him closely "Are you
ok?"

Bobby tried for a small smile, didn't quite pull it off "Yeah sure, why
wouldn't I be?"

Eugene shrugged "I don't know, you just look kind of…." He searched for a
word "Troubled, I guess. Is the case weighing you down?"

It was an opening, Bobby knew, he could pass all his troubles off on the
case, Eugene wouldn't push him further. He decided it wasn't an opening he
wanted to take "No, I mean I'm worried about the case, but I think we'll
win"

Eugene nodded "Personal problems?"

Bobby sighed "Yeah I guess" he put his head back in his hands "Eugene, with
Sharon, how did you know you were in love?"

Eugene's eyes widened in shock and he sank down heavily into the couch
"You're in love with Helen?"

"No" Bobby breathed out in frustration "Christ I don't know, I hadn't given
it any thought at all until Lindsay mentioned it tonight"

"Lindsay talked to you about this?"

"Sure" Bobby looked over at him and absently picked up the mug of cold
coffee that was sitting by his elbow "She's Helen's friend why wouldn't she
talk about it"

"I just thought that'd be a bit awkward for the two of you considering your
own relationship" suddenly he realised what he was saying and stopped dead,
but it was too late Bobby was already choking on the mouthful of coffee
he'd just taken.

He thumped himself on the chest, and tried to clear his throat "You know
about that? How?"

Eugene shifted uncomfortably on the seat "She might have mentioned it"

"Great" Bobby said, obviously not pleased, "I wonder who else she's told"
He already knew she'd mentioned it to Helen.

"Nobody Bobby" Eugene leaned forward, and tried to explain "I stopped by
the office after a date a couple of weeks ago, Lindsay was still here.
She'd just managed to get an innocent client off and she was contemplating
the path her life had taken" He looked over at Bobby "You know what it's
like we all do that" When Bobby nodded he continued "She was talking to me
about it, and the thing between the two of you just came out. I don't think
she meant to tell me. It must have been on her mind"

"Really" Bobby scratched his head absently, lost in thought

Eugene sighed, thought about keeping quiet, then decided against it. It was
obvious Bobby was at a crossroads. "Yeah" he sat back "She cares about you,
you know?"

He watched Bobby's eyes clear, focus "Sure, we're friends, I care about her
too"

'Clueless' Eugene thought and barely resisted shaking his head 'What you
are is clueless Bobby'

"So" Bobby said slowly, he'd tried to resist asking, and found he couldn't
"What did she say?"

Eugene had been waiting for him to ask, but he knew better than to smile
"Not much, she keeps things pretty close" when Bobby nodded, this time
Eugene did smile "Yeah, well anyway, I just got the impression that maybe
she wasn't as happy with the situation as she was trying to pretend she
was."

Bobby's ears pricked up "You think so?"

Eugene decided it was time to cut to the chase "Who do you think you're in
love with, Bobby?"

"What?" Bobby's gaze flew up, locked with Eugene's "I never said I was in
love with anyone"

"No you said you thought you weren't in love with Helen, that's entirely
different" He pushed himself off the chair. "Sounds like you've got a lot
to think about, I'll just get out of your way"

"Yeah" Bobby scrubbed his hands over his face suddenly exhausted "Ok,
thanks"

"You're welcome" Eugene said cheerfully as he left.

~ ~ ~ ~

'Well that went well' Bobby thought to himself on the walk back to the
office. He'd ended up losing both the trial and the woman. He wondered idly
which one mattered more too him, and was forced to admit, although somewhat
reluctantly that it was probably the trial. No wonder it was over. He'd
just come from Helen's office, determined to at least give them one more go
before closing the book on that chapter of his life, she'd put paid to that
quickly enough. With just two words. "It's dead" She didn't even appear to
think about it.

Was he surprised? Probably not, it's not like he hadn't been mostly
responsible for the wedge that had come between them. Was he hurt? Not
really, he admitted to himself, well maybe his pride a little, but not his
heart. When push came to shove, the stark and honest truth was he just
didn't love her. He respected her, he admired her, but he didn't love her.

He wondered if he was capable of really loving somebody, if he looked at
his track record it didn't paint a very promising picture. But he had a
fleeting feeling that if he ever decided to really look into himself, he'd
discover he was capable of it, and he'd know who with. A vision of Lindsay
lying in his arms in his office a few months ago, jumped into his mind and
he shook his head to clear it. Even if he was ready to admit these things
to himself, he doubted that she'd except them. For one thing her loyalty to
Helen was too strong, not to mention the fact that considering that he and
Helen had just broken up, she'd just think he was on the rebound anyway. He
let out a big sigh as he walked into the building that housed the office.
Maybe he was, but he didn't think so. Another sigh escaped as he pushed the
button for the elevator and waited. No he really didn't think so at all, he
just had no idea what to do about it.

______________________________________________________________

Title: My Soul to Keep

Author: Bron (bronwyn_00@excite.com)

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to DEK and ABC. I don’t own any of nor do I
profit from it.

Authors Notes: This part is in the same format as part four. It uses some
dialogue from the show and my own scenes. With this part I’m focusing on
the storyline where the firm is sued, and also where Bobby and Lindsay get
back together. The episodes focused on here range from Swearing In to Love
and Honor, all season three episodes. Thanks as always to June for all her
help. And also to Kylie for her editing.


Part 5

Everybody was already seated in the conference room, waiting for him when
Bobby walked in and stood at the head of the table “Okay, I’ve consulted
three lawyers, all guys I trust, all three say settle”

“What?” Eugene sounded stunned

Bobby sighed as he sat down “People in this case ….. lets call them jurors,
aren’t crazy about lawyers to begin with, it’s not likely they’ll be too
sympathetic to qualified immunity arguments…. add to that the facts, pining
the victims own brother…. add to that Tommy Silva, Joe Red Sox fan, who
juries love….” He looked over at Eugene “The consensus is for us too cut
our loses and too get out”

Ellenor leaned forward “What we did in that courtroom is protected…”

“And I’m not running from Tommy Silva” Eugene interrupted “We’ve beaten
bigger guys than him, we’ve never been people who run scared. I won’t bend
over for this, I want to fight”

“So do I” Ellenor agreed

Lindsay lifted her hand “I say settle”

Bobby looked over at the only remaining person sitting at the end of the
table “Jimmy?”

Jimmy seemed to think about it for a moment “I say fight” he paused “Of
course I’m not a partner, I’m not at risk like everybody else…. including
Rebecca who’s not even sworn in yet” there seemed to be a communal sigh
from everyone sitting at the table, Jimmy continued oblivious “I’m just an
associate”

“I keep going back to what if we lose” Lindsay tried to explain “It’s not
just a case…” she lifted her hand again when Eugene tried to interrupt “And
it’s not just a conference table, this could be our whole practice”

“Then we start over” Eugene said with conviction.

“What ever we do it can’t be a decision out of ego…”

“I want to fight” Ellenor interrupted Lindsay

Eugene turned to Bobby “We have to fight”

Bobby studied the faces around him, these people were more than his
associates, they were his friends, and their livelihood could very well
rest on his decision, but it was his decision to make “Okay” he pointed
down the table to Jimmy “Jimmy you’ll first chair”

There was a stunned chorus of “What?” from Ellenor, Eugene and Lindsay

“Silva’s style’s I’m just a regular guy, Jimmy’s our best guy to counter
that” Bobby explained “He’s regular too”

“Yeah but that’s…” Ellenor searched for the words “No offence Jimmy” she
said looking over at him “But we need our best at our best” Now she looked
over at Bobby “Shouldn’t you be doing it?” she didn’t give him time to
answer, before she continued “I mean he’s good, you’re great” she motioned
to Jimmy again “But we need our….”

“Best” Jimmy interrupted, not very pleased.

“Jimmy will first chair, I’ll second” Bobby put all arguments to rest
“Anything else?” When nobody answered he stood “Okay, back to work” and
without another word he stood and left the room.

* * *

Bobby rubbed his tired eyes as he walked down the corridor of the
courthouse, and tried to think. He was plagued with doubts over the
upcoming trial. In his heart he still felt he was doing the right thing by
making Jimmy the first chair, he had a way with juries that would be a
perfect foil for Tommy Silva. He knew Eugene didn’t think Tommy was much of
a threat to them but Bobby didn’t want to take any chances. He couldn’t
afford to take any chances.

He caught a few sideways glances other lawyers threw him as he passed by,
and knew that word had already gotten out. There wasn’t very much he could
do about that. He was just glad the press hadn’t gotten wind of it yet,
that would be all he needed. He sighed and stopped walking, what he really
needed was a totally unbiased opinion of what his chances were of winning,
he needed to talk to someone who wouldn’t pull their punches and would give
him an honest answer, whether he wanted to hear it or not, he turned and
knocked on the door of the only person he knew who fit that description.

“Come in” came the muffled response

Bobby opened the door and walked into Judge Hillers chambers. “Bobby” she
said, obviously surprised “What brings you by?”

“What? I can’t drop in and say hello?”

She leaned back in a chair that seemed to engulf her, and gave him a
measured stare “You never just stop by to say hello, Bobby. There’s always
an angle” She thought for a moment, couldn’t come up with one and shrugged
“You’re not appearing before me at the moment so I can’t think what it
might be, but I’m sure there’ll be one”

He motioned towards an empty seat “Can I sit down before you crucify me, I
might as well get comfortable while you’re jumping to conclusions”

A small smile played around the edges of her mouth “By all means” she said,
waving at the chair “Why don’t you save me the trouble and just tell me
what favor you’re after”

He looked over at her “I’m not after a favor, I’m after an opinion”

She sighed “It’s not another hypothetical is it? The last one you came in
here about, resulted in an innocent woman going to jail, and a guilty man
getting off scott free” she pierced him with a look “Your client if I
recall”

Bobby shook his head not wanting to reopen that particular can of worms
“No, not a hypothetical” He paused, wondering if he was doing the right
thing by bringing this up, but then continued anyway “You’ve heard about
the lawsuit against my firm?”

Hiller blew out an angry breath “Bobby if you’re here to get me to talk to
Judge Papp, you can….”

“No” Bobby said quickly, half rising out of his chair “No, I’m not here for
that”

“Then what?” she asked, tapping her fingers on the desk impatiently

Bobby searched for a way to explain, that wouldn’t make him sound like an
idiot, finally he blurted out “Was I wrong?”

“What?” It was obvious Judge Hiller didn’t understand the question

Bobby sighed in frustration “I’m going into court soon, to defend myself
over something that was used in a courtroom, something that by rights I
should have immunity for. Do you think I was wrong to do it?”

“You mean do I agree with your tactics?”

Bobby nodded “Yes”

She sat back, and crossed her fingers in front of her “Bobby I’m a judge, I
never agree with lawyers tactics”

“Please” he said “I’m serious here, I’m asking for your opinion”

“Why?”

Now he stood and paced over to the window, keeping his back to the room
“Because it matters to me…. because a lot of people have been telling me
I’m crazy not to settle”

“And you equate settling with being wrong?”

He shrugged “Doesn’t it amount to the same thing? Wouldn’t it be like
throwing in the towel?”

She studied him thoughtfully, taking note of the tension in his shoulders
and back “Do you think you were wrong Bobby?”

“No!” The word came out with conviction and he turned his eyes blazing “We
fought for our client, he was innocent and we did what we had to do to keep
him free”

“Even at the expense of someone else?” She raised her eyebrows but kept her
voice mild “Does the end always justify the means?”

“Why can’t it?” he stalked back to the chair and threw himself down on it
“I mean it’s easier from where you sit, you aren’t the person with the
clients life in your hands, they aren’t your responsibility”

Her eyebrows went up again “I seem to remember you saying that to me once
before” at his blank expression she prompted “That case I just mentioned
before, the end certainly didn’t justify the means there did they, because
of you the wrong person went to jail” She leaned forward, and rested her
elbows on the desk “There are consequences for the actions you take Bobby,
it seems this court case is one of them”

He sat back defeated “So you do think I was wrong?”

She sighed, paused while she conducted an internal struggle “No” When his
head whipped up, she held up a hand to silence him “Let me first say if I
was the presiding judge in that case I wouldn’t have been very impressed
with the tactics that were employed. But….” another sigh escaped “But one
of the biggest things about you Bobby is your compassion. You walk into
court every time with the unswerving belief that your client is innocent.
And you fight for them. It’s what makes you one of the best in your field”
When his eyebrows rose at the unexpected compliment, she silenced him with
a look “You believed your client was innocent and you fought for him, even
if your methods left a bit to be desired, the reasons behind them were
valid. If you think you were right in doing what you did, then you probably
were”

He stood up, and not knowing what to do with his hands, shoved them in his
pockets “Thank you”

She shrugged and stood as well “I don’t know that I’ve done anything, but
you wanted my opinion, and that’s what it is”

He nodded, then swallowed “I guess I was starting to doubt myself,
everybody at the office, they’re all worried, they’re all looking to me for
guidance. I guess I was just starting to crack a little.”

“Well then, I’m glad I could help”

He smiled a little self consciously “I guess I should go, thanks again”

When he reached for the door she called out to him “Bobby”

He turned around “Yes?”

“Good luck”

* * *

He hated Christmas. Not that he didn’t applaud the sentiment, and as a
semi-religious man he understood the meaning behind it, but for him it had
always been a lonely time. It seemed the older he got the lonelier it felt.
He loved his father unequivocally, and he enjoyed the Christmas lunches
they shared together, but this year he wanted something…. more.  He wanted
a steady relationship, someone to come home to each night, to talk to about
the days events, to just be there for him, and to let him be there for her.
He wanted Lindsay. And every time he broached the subject of a relationship
with her she shut him down.

It was embarrassing.

A lesser man might be tempted to cut his losses and give up, Bobby had no
intention of doing so. He’d tried the direct approach, now he thought the
situation called for something a little more subtle, and that involved
Christmas shopping. Which he thought must be a pretty drastic measure
because he hated shopping nearly as much as he hated Christmas. But he was
looking for something to take his mind off the case and he thought this
would be a good distraction. He’d heard the expression ‘A picture’s worth a
thousand words’ if a gift could convey half of that he figured he’d be
doing pretty well. The only problem was he had no idea what to get her, and
nobody to ask for help.

He stopped in front of store window and took in a display of electronic
organisers, it wouldn’t be a bad gift he thought, as gifts went. And it
would appeal to Lindsay’s practical side. He shook his head and kept
walking, she was practical too often, he had no intention of appealing to
that side of her nature, as much as he admired it. He wanted this gift to
appeal to her more whimsical side.

A flash of color drew his attention as he walked towards the next shop, and
the negligee highlighted in the window had him blowing air out through his
teeth. Well that’s certainly whimsical he thought, maybe not appropriate,
but he certainly had no trouble envisioning Lindsay wearing it. He looked
up at the bright neon sign flashing above the door reading ‘Women’s
Intuition’ and it made him smile. On impulse he stepped inside. He
sidestepped the racks of bra’s and panties and headed for the negligees
towards the back. The first one he reached for was sheer, black and would
leave nothing to the imagination, he stepped back to get more light and
bumped solidly against a person looking at the rack behind him. He turned
around to give a small apology and found himself face to face with Rebecca.

It was impossible to tell who was more shocked, although he was certainly
more embarrassed. He racked his brain trying to think of a plausible reason
for why he would be standing in a woman’s lingerie store, but his mind was
blank, unfortunately for him, hers wasn’t  “Bobby….. this is a surprise”

His mind still wasn’t working “Uh…. yeah” was the best he could manage.

“So…..” she tucked her tongue into the side of her cheek, and wondered if
his face could get any redder “Come here often?” It seemed to him that she
was enjoying his discomfort just a little too much.

Suddenly he remembered he was still holding the nightgown and shoved it
back into the rack “No” his voice was as stiff as cardboard.

“Ummm” she murmured then reached around for the garment he’d just put back
and held it out to the light “Well…. I have to admire your taste but it’s
not really your colour” she cocked her head to the side as if considering
“I think you’d look better in the red”

He closed his eyes and wished fervently that the floor would just open up
and swallow him whole. When it appeared that wasn’t going to happen he
opened them again, and found Rebecca’s dancing with humour. “So who’s the
lucky woman?”

He shoved his now empty hands into his pockets and debated whether to tell
her or not. Then figuring it was next to impossible to keep a secret from
her anyway he thought what the hell. “Lindsay” he said softly, it came out
more like a mumble.

Rebecca’s eyebrows shot up “Lindsay?” she ran her tongue around her teeth,
considered for a moment “Wow” when he didn’t respond she continued “I
hadn’t realised the two of you had started up again”

Bobby shuffled his feet “We haven’t”

Rebecca looked at the cloth she still held in her hand with confusion “Oh”
she tried to put the pieces together but couldn’t “Well then why….”

Bobby blew out a breath in frustration and interrupted “I’m looking for a
Christmas present” he ran his hands through his hair impatiently “I was
just looking for ideas…. I wanted something that would make a statement”

Rebecca held the gown up and whistled softly “Well I don’t have to guess
twice what sort of statement you’re trying to make” she smiled as Bobby
turned another shade of red.

“Forget it” he was totally mortified “It was a stupid idea”

“No Bobby” she stopped smiling “I’m sorry, it’s really sweet….” she paused
not sure whether to continue.

“But?”

She shrugged “But if you want my opinion?” when he nodded, she went on “I
think this is a gift best saved for when you are actually going out. It
might just be too big a statement up front”

“Shit” he rubbed his temple in a feeble attempt to stop the headache that
suddenly appeared “This is ridiculous, who’d have thought picking a present
could be so much trouble” he looked at her desperately “I don’t suppose you
have any ideas?”

“Hmmm” she rubbed the side of her face thoughtfully, “As a matter of fact,
I’ve always thought that nothing says Merry Christmas like a nice pair of
earrings”

He looked at her uncertainly “Earrings?”

“Well…. a really nice pair of earrings” she gave him a small smile and put
the lingerie back. “Come on” she said, tucking her arm through his and
leading him outside “I’ll help you look”

The look he gave her was full of gratitude  “Thank you”

She patted his arm as they walked down the sidewalk “It’s like I always say
Bobby, nothing says thank you more than a big Christmas bonus”

* * *

Bobby looked around the room at the sea of happy faces and smiled. He knew
that if the verdict had been different then none of this would have been
possible. But he refused to dwell on that. They’d won, a part of Bobby
still couldn’t believe it, hadn’t fully processed it yet. But as he watched
his colleagues celebrating, laughing and dancing and talking to clients his
smile widened. They were more than his workmates and his friends, they were
his family, he knew the burden of this case had weighed heavily on all of
them and he was glad to see them happy again. It had been too long since
the people in the office were happy.

His eyes scanned the crowd again, searching for and then settling on
Lindsay. She was apparently sharing some sort of joke with Helen, the two
were sitting in the corner laughing like schoolgirls. She must have sensed
him staring because suddenly she looked up her gaze locking with his. His
heart leapt in his chest, and his pulse quickened, but outwardly he
remained calm. He lifted his bottle and made a small gesture towards his
office and she nodded, then turned and murmured something to Helen, that
had her friends gaze watching him with open curiosity as Lindsay stood and
walked over.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” His voice was a little raw so he took a
swallow of his drink.

“Sure” She was regarding him with curiosity now too.

He let her walk in to the office first, then closed the door behind him,
they both remained standing.

“So we’re still in business” She sounded slightly nervous, it gave him a
small amount of hope.

“Yeah…. Still partners, unless you’re thinking of leaving?”

She looked confused “What?”

“Helen said something” It had made his blood run cold when he’d heard it
but he didn’t mention that.

“Oh” She lifted a hand to rest against her brow, then sighed “I’m not going
anywhere…. I should be honest about….” she faltered, and his heart broke a
little, he didn’t know why but he had a dreaded feeling that he didn’t
really want to hear what she was going to say next. He held his breath and
waited. “I don’t mean to be cold… I mean it’s not that I’m not interested”
she looked up at him “I.. I just know that it’s not right, and for once I’m
going with my head”

“Oh yeah Lindsay, you and your heart have been so out of control” he
couldn’t prevent the sarcastic note that crept into his voice.

Her eyes narrowed “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing” he shook his head and allowed a small smile “It means you’re
right, I’m going with your head too”

She seemed happy with the response and stepped forward “Merry Christmas”
she leaned in to give him a quick kiss, when she pulled back, he knew he
couldn’t let it end there.

“I… ummm” She reached up to silence him, unable to break the eye contact,
then placing both hands on the side of his face drew him back for a deeper
kiss. Neither of them noticed Lucy standing on the other side of the window
watching them, neither of them cared. This time when they pulled back he
was smiling. He reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear “What
does this mean?”

She paused, still caught up in the moment “I guess it means I’m going with
my heart after all” His smile widened and he stood staring at her for so
long she grew a little self conscious “What?”

He shook his head trying to come to grips with all the emotions he was
feeling, all in all it had been a hell of a day “Sorry, I was just
thinking”

“About?”

“You” he smiled again and elaborated “I thought winning the case today was
the best Christmas present I could hope for, but I just got a better one”

Colour flooded her cheeks as she looked up at him, she wasn’t used to this
sort of talk from Bobby, she wasn’t sure how to respond “Ummm, thanks”

He reached into his pocket and drew out the small box he’d been carrying on
him for days “Speaking of Christmas presents, I brought this for you” he
held it out to her.

“Bobby” she said, hesitating over the gift, it’s obvious shape indicating
jewellery.

“Open it” he urged noting her hesitation, then he smiled when he realised
the reason for it “Don’t worry it’s not a ring, it’s just a Christmas
present…. open it” he repeated.

She tore off the paper then lifted the small lid, the earrings inside were
bright green emeralds shaped like small teardrops “They’re beautiful” she
murmured, unbelievably touched. She lifted her eyes to his “Thank you”

He nodded then reached out and took them out of her hand placing them on
his desk, he held out his other hand to her and drew her closer, the sounds
of the Christmas song were filtering through the wall. “Dance with me?”

She looked towards the open blinds “People might see”

“I want people to see, Lindsay. I’m not hiding you this time” He put his
arms around her, and smiled when she rested her head on his shoulder. The
party continued outside, he could hear the laughter and the talking
competing with the music, but he had no intention of joining it anytime
soon, he had everything he was after right in front of him.

  ______________________________________________________


Part 6

Blood was everywhere. He felt it warm beneath his hands as he clung to her.
The rusty scent invaded his senses, taking them to their limits, then
threatening to push them over. And for five breathtaking seconds he thought
he was too late.

Desperation had him clutching her tightly “Lindsay?” he thought he heard
her moan, but couldn’t be sure “Lindsay?” he repeated, pulling her closer.

When her eyes cracked open, he trembled with relief “Nun” the single word
seemed to drain what energy was left in her. He barely heard the strangled
moan of pain, as her eyes rolled back and she lost consciousness. The sound
galvanised him into action, too scared to let her go for a second, he
reached up with one hand and dragged the phone off her desk and to the
floor, and dialled 911.

The receiver, slippery from his blood stained hands, fell to the floor when
he completed the call. She hadn’t moved, hadn’t made a sound, the only
evidence of life, was the shallow rise and fall of her chest. He looked at
the blood still pulsing from the open wounds and knew that the paramedics
wouldn’t be fast enough. That she was losing too much blood. With hands
that shook visibly he pulled the edge of her suit jacket closer to her body
and pressed down firmly on the larger of the wounds. Even in her
unconscious state she let out a small moan of pain, and when he would have
instinctively drawn his hands away, to stop the pain he was now causing
her, he forced himself to keep the pressure steady, knowing it was the only
way to save her life.

The sound of the elevator arriving had relief coursing through him, and
then the paramedics were there, taking over and all Bobby could do was move
back and watch. When they strapped her to the gurney and started moving her
down the hallway, he was two steps behind them. He waited while they
bundled her inside the ambulance, then when the paramedic stepped back so
he could enter first he all but leapt inside.

The paramedic barely afforded him a glance as the siren started and the
ambulance sped down the road, but he directed his comment to Bobby “You’ll
need to keep out of my way, I’ve got a lot to do here”

Bobby moved as far into the corner as he could get “Will she……” he
swallowed “Will she be ok?”

The paramedic was checking her vital signs “It’s hard to say…..” he broke
off and swore as Lindsay’s heart rate slowed, he pulled out an oxygen pump,
and as he started feeding her air, turned to his partner “Drive faster
Dave, I’m losing her”

* * *

He had to walk, he had to clear his head, if that was at all remotely
possible. He stepped out of the hospital entrance and headed towards the
small garden off to the side. He walked over and sat down on the closest
park bench with a sigh. In the last 24 hours he’d managed to either
irritate or upset nearly everybody he knew. He was working on a case he had
no right to be on in his mental state. He’d tried to convince himself the
he was doing it because it was a distraction, but he knew that wasn’t why.
He was doing it because he was scared.

This situation reminded him far too much of his Mother. He thought he’d put
it all behind him, that he’d managed to move on, but now he realised he
hadn’t. He didn’t know if he had the strength to sit by and watch while
another person he loved died. He’d barely handled it the first time, he was
very much afraid that if it happened again, he couldn’t go on.

Wearily he scrubbed his hands over his face, then because it was easier
than actually facing the world he left them there. When he heard someone
approach he didn’t stir, expecting it to be someone from the office. He
felt a jolt of surprise when he heard Katherine Dole’s voice.

“Bobby?”

His head snapped up and his hands dropped to his side “Mrs Dole”

“Kate” she corrected softly and motioned to the seat “Do you mind if I join
you?”

He shook his head “No, I’m sorry” he moved over to make room for her.

“Well” she rubbed her hands together as she sat, even in May the night air
was still a little brisk. “I was just on my way in when I saw you out here,
I thought I’d say hello….” she broke off as she looked at him closely, his
eyes were dry but they had a look in them, that was, well…. haunted. “Bobby
are you alright?”

He seemed surprised by the question, and by the feeling behind it “Sure”

She didn’t believe him for a second “Do you want to talk about it?”

He shrugged and looked out into the distance “There’s nothing to talk
about”

She nodded even though he wasn’t looking at her “I came by earlier today, I
was surprised I didn’t see you” when she got no reaction, she continued
“The young lady there said you were in court”

Bobby realised belatedly that she was expecting an answer “Yeah, I had a
case”

“She also said she thought you were avoiding the hospital”

Damn Lucy and her run away mouth, he made a mental note to have another
talk with her “No….. I’m not, I was needed in court”

She studied him carefully, she could tell there was something there just
beneath the surface that he wanted to get out. He may not have realised he
needed to talk to someone, but she hadn’t been a mother for 29 years
without learning to read the signs. He just needed a little push. “I admit
I don’t know a lot about the legal profession but I would think under the
circumstances the Judge should have let you have some time off”

“It doesn’t work that way” but he sighed with frustration, he knew there
was nothing he could say, especially to Lindsay’s mother that would
adequately explain his absence. Because everybody knew if he’d wanted to be
there he would have been. “It’s no use anyway”

Her eyes widened and her heart leapt into her throat, in panic she started
to rise “What do you mean? Has something happened? The hospital hasn’t
called….”

He reached out to stop her from standing. “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to
scare you. Nothing’s happened, there’s been no change”

She lifted a hand to her heart, as if the motion would stop the frantic
beating and sank back onto the bench. “Oh, you scared me for a minute”

“Sorry” he removed his hand from her arm, and placed it in his lap

“That’s alright” Her heart rate was just starting to approach normal again.
“So what did you mean?”

“Pardon?”

“When you said it was no use…. What does that mean?”

He took a deep breath, looked anywhere but at her “The sitting by the
bedside, the waiting. It doesn’t work. It doesn’t make them wake up any
faster”

Ah, she thought, this was the problem “It’s happened to you before?”

He nodded and the words were out before he could stop them “My Mother”

“Oh” she blew out a breath, “I’m sorry…… Do you want to talk about it?”

He didn’t, he told himself he didn’t, but somehow the words flowed anyway
“She was attacked when she was coming home from work. By the time my Dad
and I got to the hospital, she was in surgery, she lapsed into a coma, and
never came out” Kate remained silent, letting him continue at his own pace
“For five days I spent every minute I was allowed too with her, I talked to
her…” His voice cracked slightly “I begged her to wake up, when that didn’t
work I even tried praying. We eventually turned off the life support”

“How old were you?”

“Fifteen”

“Oh” A delicate age, she thought, too old to be a boy, too young to be a
man.

“I don’t know if I can go through it all again” The first tear slid down
his face, unnoticed by him, but not by her. She wanted to reach out and
gather him close, comfort him as his real mother couldn’t, but she didn’t
think the gesture would be accepted.

“She’s going to make it, Bobby”

“How do you know?” His voice cracked again, and he looked at her for the
first time since she’d joined him. Fear had him lashing out “How can you
sit there so calmly? You’re her mother, you should be upset?”

“You don’t think I am?” Hurt flashed in her eyes “You don’t think it
doesn’t kill me to think of my daughter in that hospital bed? But I hold it
together, because I know that’s what she needs from me now Bobby, that’s
all I can give her at the moment. And whether you can face it or not, she
needs you too…… Maybe most of all”

He wiped his face with the back of his hands, trying to stop the flow of
tears “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you”

Now she did reach out, and placed a hand on  his shoulder “I know you
didn’t Bobby.” She paused and waited until he looked up “You love her very
much don’t you?”

It was the second time that day he’d been asked that question. But when he
looked at Kate he couldn’t deny her the answer “More than anything” He
thought of the ring he had burning a hole in his pocket and wondered if he
should say anything, then decided against it.

She smiled for the first time since she’d receive the phone call telling
her about Lindsay’s attack. “Well, that’s wonderful” She reached out and
patted him on the hand “Can I give you some advice?”

He nodded “Sure”

“Be there for her when she wakes up Bobby, no matter how long it takes.
She’ll need you to be the first person she sees when she does”

He nodded again, and stood “We should probably go up then”

She stood as well and tucked her arm through his as they moved towards the
hospital.

* * *

Bobby walked down the corridor with a spring in his step. He probably
shouldn’t be this happy he thought to himself considering the fact that
he’d just lost his motion, and his client was now facing trial. Well not
his client any longer, Mr Watson had  been very vocal about what he thought
of Bobby’s legal expertise, and had informed him in no uncertain terms that
he’d be requesting new counsel.

Like he cared.

Lindsay was going to be alright, that was all Bobby was focused on now.
He’d purposely waited until now to come and see her, wanting to speak to
her when she was alone, but as he approached her room, voices had him
drawing up short. Rebecca was still there, he thought she’d be gone by now.
He stood where he was debating going in or not, when the conversation
caught his attention.

“Eugene said he had the client  by the collar and was yelling at him to
tell the Judge how he was going to go out and shoot someone else”

He could here the surprise in Lindsay’s voice “You’re kidding”

“Nope, apparently it caused quite a commotion in the courtroom”

“He’s lucky he didn’t get held for contempt”

“Well if it was any other Judge he probably would have…… But I think Judge
Hiller understood”

“Understood?” Lindsay asked

There was a short pause before Rebecca answered “Understood what he was
going through, he’s been really worried about you Lindsay, he hasn’t been
coping with it well…” This time the pause was slightly longer “He loves you
a lot, you know?”

Bobby was more than a little mortified that Rebecca was saying these
things, and part of him wanted to walk in and break up the conversation,
but he found himself curious about Lindsay response so he stayed where he
was.

 “I know” her voice sounded almost wistful “He actually told me this
morning”

“Surely you must have already known?”

“Yeah” Lindsay sighed “But it was nice to hear the words…… I guess I didn’t
know how much I needed it until he said them” Suddenly Bobby was ashamed
that he hadn’t said them earlier, he knew why he hadn’t, because by not
saying the words he thought he could still keep a certain distance. He
could stop himself from getting hurt, the past couple of days had put paid
to that theory, holding back the words didn’t change the depth of his
feelings. But he was sorry he’d kept them from Lindsay, she deserved better
than that.

“Bobby has a lot of layers” he heard Rebecca say “A lot of …… issues, I
guess, stemming from his mother dying….. that I guess you know all about”
Bobby frowned at the turn the conversation was taking, but still remained
quiet. He heard a small rustling sound that he took to be Lindsay’s head
nodding against the pillow, before Rebecca continued “I guess, what I’m
trying to say is that you make him really happy Lindsay. He used to worry
me in the early days when it was just the two of us in the office. He was
always so focused on being the best lawyer he could be. It was like a
single mindedness. The few relationships he’s had, he always managed to
find a way to end quickly. But he’s different with you, he seems …..” She
paused for a bit and Bobby found himself wondering himself how it was he
seemed “I don’t know, content’s not the word I’m searching for but it’s the
best one I can come up with. He’s happy. You make him happy”

He could here the smile in Lindsay’s voice when she replied “Thanks Bec”
Bobby knew after all these years he shouldn’t be surprised at Rebecca’s
insightfulness but still he found he was. He knew she was right, Lindsay
did make him happy.

“Just don’t give up on him Lindsay, he can be stubborn and infuriating, and
sometimes you just want to kick him….” Bobby frowned again, ok maybe she
wasn’t that insightful after all. “But” Rebecca continued “He’s worth it in
the end”

“Yeah I know” Lindsay’s voice sounded wistful again. “Sometimes….” She was
talking softly and Bobby strained closer to hear.

“Sometimes what?” Rebecca prompted.

“Sometimes after he’s gone to sleep, I just lie there staring at him and I
can’t believe we’re really together. I hated hiding our first relationship
from everyone, it was…” she blew out a breath “…. really hard”

“Why did you?”

Lindsay shrugged “I didn’t think there was any other way…. I was scared I
guess”

Even though she didn’t know it Rebecca’s shock mirrored Bobby’s “Of Bobby?”

“No!…. God no, of losing him,  which is what I thought would happen if I
made a big issue out of it. And I guess I was worried about what everyone
at the office would say. But now….” Bobby missed the rest of Lindsay’s
sentence because just then a hand clamped on his shoulder, he jumped and
his heart leapt up and lodged in his throat, when he finally recovered he
turned and found himself looking at Father Patrick. The priest was doing
everything in his power to keep from laughing. He took Bobby’s arm and
guided him closer to the nurses station.

“Geez Father, why don’t you just hit me over the head, it’d be kinder”

Patrick let out a chuckle “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you”

Bobby’s heart was still galloping “Yeah, you sound real sorry”

“Of course” Patrick said still smiling “You’d have seen me coming if you
hadn’t been putting all your focus into eavesdropping

Bobby had the grace to blush “I wasn’t eavesdropping…. I was… umm”

Patrick shook his head and clucked his tongue “Lying to a priest, isn’t
good Bobby”

“So” Bobby said, changing the subject “I guess you’re here to see
Lindsay?”  Which made him wonder if he’d ever get a moment alone with her.

Patrick nodded “That was the idea…… Want to come in, or haven’t you
finished hiding around the corner yet”

Bobby blushed again “No, I’ll come in” they walked in the room together,
and both Rebecca and Lindsay’s heads whipped towards them with slightly
guilty expressions on their faces, which had Bobby wondering what they were
talking about now. Then he decided it was probably better if he didn’t
know.

Rebecca stood as they entered. “I should probably get going”

“Don’t leave on our account” Patrick said, as Bobby walked over and kissed
Lindsay hello.

“No, I stayed longer than I expected anyway” she reached down and clasped
Lindsay’s hand “I’ll come by and see you tomorrow”

“Thanks for everything, Bec” Lindsay said smiling.

Rebecca shot Bobby a look that had him feeling vaguely uncomfortable “No
problem” she turned and left.

“So” he cleared his throat “What were you two talking about?” When Patrick
stifled a chuckle, he blushed again “Never mind”

Lindsay looked at them both strangely “Just stuff” he nodded, and lapsed
into silence. His mind was still reeling from the portion of the
conversation he’d overheard. He had no idea Lindsay had felt that way. It
was amazing the way life worked, at the time he hadn’t been happy keeping
the relationship a secret either. But he’d been sure it was what she
wanted. ‘So much wasted time’ he thought, but not anymore, all that was
going to change tonight, if he could ever get a moment alone with her. He
tuned back into the conversation between Patrick and Lindsay only half
listening as the priest related an amusing anecdote about one of his
Paritioners, but as the story finished Bobby could tell Lindsay’s mind was
elsewhere.

“Lindsay, you have to stop thinking about it”

“It’s just….. I’d feel better if they’d at least found Kingston’s prints on
the knife”

“It was him Lindsay, you can relax” he reached out and held her hand “Are
you really ok?”

“Yeah” She sighed, annoyed at herself “I think I’m just tired from all the
visits, you know? From my parents, everybody from the office” now she
rolled her eyes “Joey Heric”

“I guess that’s my cue to leave” Patrick smiled down at Lindsay “Take care”

“Thanks Father”

Bobby turned to him “Yeah thanks” There was a wealth of meaning in the two
words.

Patrick smiled at him “You take care too Bobby”

He nodded “I will”

Patrick turned to leave just as Helen entered, she nodded towards him
“Father”

Bobby’s annoyance at having another person arrive, turned to shock when the
habitually easy going priest responded with “Kiss my ass” he turned to
Lindsay and she was looking just as surprised.

Helen stopped “Excuse me?”

“I read in the paper your little quotes, what you said to the arch diesis”

“Oh Father, I was acting out” Helen said by way of explanation “I thought a
nun had…” she motioned towards Lindsay “She’s my best friend, my roommate…
I” she wasn’t getting any response from Patrick, so she tried again “Look
I’m Catholic”

That got a response. He regarded her with disdain “With Catholics like you,
who needs Protestants” he walked away.

“Oh now that’s a sound bite for tolerance” Helen said getting steamed

“Helen….” Bobby tried to interrupt before she made the situation worse.

Ignoring him she turned and started shouting “Hey maybe you could kiss my
…..”

“HELEN!” Bobby said louder, finally capturing her attention. He didn’t want
her to cause a scene and get them thrown out of the hospital before he got
a chance to do what he come for.

Helen calmed down immediately, she walked around the other side of the bed
and looked down at Lindsay “How are you doing?”

Lindsay sighed, having already answered that question a hundred times that
day “I’m fine”

Bobby couldn’t stand it any longer, nerves had him all jittery and he was
sure that if he didn’t get to talk to Lindsay soon, he’d go crazy, he
turned to Helen “Look, I’ve been waiting all day to be alone with her”

Helen sent him a bland look “What? You want me to leave?”

There was no polite way to phrase it “Yes”

“Well I won’t”

“Helen” He tried to make his tone sound annoyed, but he was very much
afraid it came closer to begging.

“No, I’ve hardly seen her at all. It’s not like you two can do anything she
has tubes all over her”

“I want to talk to her”

“Well talk to her, there’s nothing you can’t say to her in front of me….”

“There are some things” he said totally frustrated, nobody was more
stubborn than Helen when she dug her heels in.

“I’m not leaving, say what you’ve got to say, make it quick and I’ll cover
my ears” she made a show of sticking her hands over her ears and turning
her back she moved to the bottom of the bed.

“Uhhh” He sighed in frustration, and thought about postponing the whole
thing. This wasn’t at all how he’d planned it. But he knew if he put it off
he might never work up the nerve again. With or without Helen he wasn’t
waiting any longer. He reached down and pulled over a chair, sitting down
in it. Lindsay was looking at him curiously. With one final glance at Helen
to make sure she wasn’t looking, he took a deep breath, and asked her the
question he’d been waiting to ask her all night “Marry me?”

________________________________________________________

Title: My Soul to Keep

Author: Bronwyn Morris (bronwyn_00@excitec.com)

Authors Note: Is anyone still reading this? I have no idea. Sorry for the
delay in posting this part but I guess I’ve been suffering from a lack of
motivation. Anyhow I hope to have part 8 done a little more quickly. Huge
thanks to June and Ally for their help with this one, and I hope everyone
enjoys it. It focus’s on the aftermath of the events followed in the forth
season episode Settling, no dialogue is included.

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to DEK and ABC I’m only borrowing them.


Part 7

He was staring down the barrel of a gun. Literally. Sweat ran down the
sides of his face, his back, but he didn't take his eyes off the barrel.
Slowly, inch by inch he gradually moved the coathanger that was attached to
the trigger and looped around his neck, up. One wrong move would set the
gun firing. He strained against the bonds that held his hands as he used
his feet to try to manoeuvre the wire over his head. A crash in the room
behind him broke his concentration for a brief second but it was enough,
Bobby barely had time to register the feeling of the wire settling back on
his shoulders before the rifle discharged…..

"NO!" He bolted upright in bed, still half caught in the dream. Struggling
to come out of it.

"Bobby?" Lindsay was immediately awake, her own heartbeat racing. "What is
it? What's the matter?"

"Nothing" He shook his head,as much in denial as to clear away the last of
the images. "Nothing, sorry it was just a bad dream"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head again. "No, go back to sleep Lindsay" he started to pull
the sheet away but she stopped him "Where are you going?"

Not for any reason would he admit he was afraid to go back to sleep "I'm
awake now, I might as well get some work done"

She looked over at the bedside clock "Bobby it's barely 3 o'clock, lie back
down" she tugged lightly on his arm.

He sighed and did as she requested. She placed her head on his chest and
wrapped her arms around his body, as much to keep him there as to provide
comfort. His skin was warm beneath her cheek and she could feel his heart
pounding. "Are you alright?"

He nodded, then realising she couldn't see the action in the dark, spoke
the words "Yeah I'm fine, go back to sleep"

She wanted to press the issue further but she knew he wouldn't say anymore,
the same way he hadn't the last three nights he'd woken up. At least
tonight she'd gotten him to stay.

When she awoke she was alone, one glance at the clock informed her that it
was barely six. She found Bobby at the dinning room table, sipping coffee,
already dressed for work. She walked over and gave him a light kiss on the
top of the head as she passed him, to get herself a cup of coffee. Then she
sat down opposite him. "What are you doing?"

"Just thinking"

"About anything in particular?"

"Just stuff" He looked at his watch "I was going to head into work early
today, to catch up on some things but I can wait if you want a lift"

She raised her eyebrows in surprise "I thought you were taking the entire
week off"

He shook his head "No, I'm bored sitting at home, I want to get back to
work"

Now she looked confused "Bobby I would have taken that time off with you,
but you said you wanted to be alone, if you want I'll take today off and we
can do something?"

He shook his head again "No Lindsay, thanks but I just want to get back to
work"

She looked totally unconvinced and just a little hurt, but she nodded. "Ok,
well if you give me twenty minutes to get ready, I'll go in with you"

He smiled, "Ok, sure" It wasn't until after she left the room that he
uncurled his hand loosening the white knuckle grip he had on the arm of the
chair and placed it on the table, he didn't need to look at his hand, he
already knew it was shaking, he was just glad Lindsay hadn't seen it.

****************

Things were getting worse. He didn't know why, he had been sure once he got
back to work, back to the familiar routines that everything would be
alright, but he'd been back for just over a week now, and they were as
mixed up as ever. He knew part of the problem was lack of sleep. He had
that damn nightmare every night. It still scared him as much now as it had
the first time he'd had it. Lindsay kept trying to talk to him about it,
but he wasn't ready too. The thought of voicing his fears out loud
terrified him more than the nightmare did.

As a result though he found himself short tempered with everyone. He knew
they were all trying to be understanding, which was kind of lucky for him
really he thought, because under normal circumstances they'd probably all
have quit on him by now. He needed to do something to fix the situation, he
just didn't know what. Asking for help had never been his strong point.

When the phone beside his elbow rang, he jumped slightly, then cursing
himself for the reaction he snatched up the receiver "What?"

Lucy swivelled around in her chair and glared at him through the blinds,
and her voice on  phone didn't sound happy "Your father's on line 2 for
you"

He sighed and tried to adopt a friendlier tone "Thanks Lucy"

She raised her eyebrows but didn't comment, instead patching his father
through, he watched as she hung up and walked over to Lindsay, he couldn't
tell what she was saying but it looked animated.

"Bobby, are you there?"

He became aware of his fathers voice and brought himself into the
conversation "Sorry Dad, I was just distracted for a minute"

"Oh….. Well how are you Bobby?"

He had to bight back a sigh, he knew people meant well, but he was sick and
tired of that question. "I'm doing fine Dad, and you?"

"I'm good" there was an awkward pause before Stephen continued "Umm listen,
I thought on Sunday, you and I might catch a ball game, what do you say?"

"I don't know Dad, Lindsay's not all that interested in baseball"

"Just us guys then, I've spoken to Lindsay she doesn't mind"

Bobby frowned "You spoke to Lindsay? When?"

Stephen realised his slip up too late "Uhh, I don't know, the other day, I
guess. It's not important, so what do you say, are you up for a game?"

"The other day when, Dad?"

Stephen sighed and cursed himself for the slip, he should have known Bobby
would pick up on it, and then not let it go until he was satisfied with all
the answers. "Tuesday I guess, she dropped into work to see how I was.
She's such a nice girl, thoughtful, you picked a good one there Bobby"

Bobby knew a sidestep when he heard one "What did she tell you Dad?"

"Tell me? I don't know what you're talking about."

He wasn't buying it for a second "She told you about the nightmares didn't
she?"

Stephen decided enough was enough "She might have mentioned it, I wish you
had"

He sighed with frustration "She shouldn't have said anything, it wasn't her
place"

"Not her place, Bobby she's your fiancé. I'm your Father, of course it's
her place. She loves you son, and she's worried about you, you should be
thankful that you have someone who cares that much. And since you won't
talk to her about what's bothering you, she thought you might talk to me.
The ballgame was my idea, we've had some of our best times at ballgames
haven't we?"

Bobby paused thinking about his treatment of Lindsay in the past few days.
He'd been short tempered, uncommunicative, argumentative. And all the time
she'd weathered his moods with support and patience. The few times she'd
tried to start a conversation he'd quickly shut her down, not taking her
feelings into account at all. It was just beginning to dawn on him how
unfairly he'd been treating her, and how much better she deserved. His
father wasn't the person he needed to talk too. "Yeah you're right dad,
listen the ballgame Sunday sounds great, I'll come and pick you up, I've
got to go right now though, Ok?"

"Ok, take care Bobby"

"Yeah, you too, Dad" He stood up and shrugged into his suit jacket and
walked out of his office, he stopped in front of Lindsay's desk.

She looked up at him, "Hey, are you going somewhere?"

"I'd thought I'd take the afternoon off" he paused for a second "Want to
join me?"

She seemed momentarily surprised but then she smiled "Sure, just let me
pack up, I'll be right with you"

While she was gathering her things he turned to Lucy, who'd been openly
watching the whole exchange, he raised his eyebrows and she blushed
slightly "Lucy, we're heading home early" he said needlessly "If anyone
calls just take messages, tell them I'll call them back tomorrow." He
waited while Lindsay rounded her desk then followed her out the door.

*****************

As soon as they entered the apartment, he went into the kitchen to make
coffee. The drive over had been in silence giving him plenty of time to
rethink his decision to talk. His hand shook as he reached for the mugs.
Lindsay noticed and walked up behind him, "I'll make the coffee why don't
you sit down"

He nodded and walked into the living room, she followed minutes later, and
handed him a cup, "Thanks" he said, taking a large mouthful before placing
the cup on the coffee table, she put hers down next to it. "I was talking
to my dad today"

"Oh?"

"He mentioned you'd been by to see him"

She blushed but didn't look away "I was worried about you, I thought your
dad might be able to help"

He nodded "I know, I guess I haven't been too open with you lately"

She looked surprised, as if she'd been expecting him to be angry with her,
but she recovered quickly "I'm here, if you want to talk about it you know"

"I did talk to you about it, the night it happened"

She shook her head "No Bobby, you talked about twelve years ago, you didn't
talk about what happened"

"Why does it matter so much?"

"Because at the moment it's inside you, eating at you. You need to let it
out, you can't move forward until you've dealt with it…. I learnt that from
personal experience. Tell me about it"

He wanted too. More than that he needed too, he had a feeling that if he
did, everything would be alright. But every time he opened his mouth the
words wouldn't come, they weren't there. He didn't know how to express the
terror he had felt. The pain, the anger, the fear. And so instead he said
nothing.

She sighed in frustration and crossed the room, crouching down until she
was directly in front of him, her hands resting on his thighs, just the
pressure from them gave him a small measure of comfort. He lifted his gaze
to hers, certain he would see anger, instead he found understanding and
patience. It was his undoing, he didn't even feel the tear sliding down his
cheek until her hand lifted to brush it away. "Talk to me, Bobby" she
murmured softly.

"I was scared" It wasn't something he liked to admit, he always felt a need
to be strong, for himself and those around him.

"Of course you were" she drew his gaze back to hers, when he looked away.
"Bobby's there's no shame in fear"

Again he struggled with the words "I tried to put up a fight at first, I
didn't know what he wanted, I thought he was a mugger, but then he pulled
out a gun……. and then I offered him everything I could think of my wallet,
my car" He shrugged "Pretty cowardly I guess"

"No Bobby it was smart, he had a gun there wasn't anything you could do" he
looked like he was going to argue the point so she continued before he
could "What happened next?"

"He made me drive…. I um …. I didn't recognise the neighbourhood, and then
he told me to get out of the car, that we  were going for a short walk, and
not to say anything, that if I said anything to anyone he'd shoot me and
them. I walked right by people, they had no idea what was happening." He
looked down at his hands "I couldn't risk it"

"He took me into the house, he was telling me how I screwed up his case, he
said…." he swallowed and forced himself to push past the fear "He said that
the only thing that had kept him alive for the last twelve years was the
thought of killing me" He felt Lindsay's hand grip his firmly and continued
"And the whole time he's telling me all of this he's balancing this rifle
on a chair directly in front of me, with a coat hanger wrapped around my
neck, and attached to the trigger so if I move at all, it goes off."

He heard her startled gasp but continued on, knowing if he stopped he
wouldn't be able to get it all out "And then I heard a sound, a muffled
thud coming from another room and Patrick went to see about it, so I tried
to get the rifle away from me…."

"Oh Bobby, you didn't" she sounded so horrified that his eyes locked with
hers again.

"I didn't think I had anything to lose by trying, I was sure he was going
to kill me anyway" he saw the tears well up in her eyes, and watched her
blink to keep them at bay. She nodded for him to continue.

"I nearly managed it too, but he came back too quickly, and he was dragging
someone else with him… and you know the first thing I thought of?" When she
shook her head, he said "All I could think was thank God, I'm not alone"
When he looked at her his eyes were troubled "What sort of person does that
make me?"

She reached out to him again and he realised how much he craved the contact
"It makes you human Bobby, don't do this to yourself"

He nodded absently "Things kind of started blurring together after that,
Patrick was telling me that the guy could have testified for him because he
was there that night, and that I should have found him. Then his
ex-girlfriend showed up…… She was scared, but strong, she was talking to
him trying to reason with him, which seemed to be working until he noticed
her wedding ring" His hand blindly searched for Lindsay's and he looked
down at the engagement ring she wore.

"It was kinda sad, you know, that one instant when he realised she hadn't
waited for him. That he really didn't have anything left. I think he was
ready to give up then, he might have let us go, but the police arrived, and
he got angry again." He gave a small shrug "I guess you know what happened
after that"

"No"

He looked at her surprised "What do you mean?"

"There were shots Bobby" she could still hear them, still remember the
heart pounding terror she'd felt. "When you were in the house with him
alone, what happened?"

He could easily read the terror in her eyes, they shone so brightly, and he
reached out a hand, smoothing it down her hair, as much to comfort her as
him. "He let the others leave, and as he was watching his girlfriend walk
away he asked me if I had anyone special" A small smile touched his mouth
"I told him about you, and he started to tell me about how before that
night he'd been starting to get his life together, he was starting to calm
down, and then he saw a newscast with two lawyers talking about how the
deal we'd made wouldn't stick and he got mad again." He could still see the
barrel of the gun pointing at him, and he closed his eyes to block the
vision but it didn't work.

When he opened them again, he found Lindsay staring at him, this time she
was letting the tears fall. "I've never been more scared in my life than I
was when I heard that shot" her voice sounded hoarse, filled with emotion.
"When you were missing and we were all searching for you, all I could think
of was that our last time together had been spent arguing, I was trying to
remember when the last time was that I'd told you that I loved you….. I was
wishing I said it more often."

He reached out and gently wiped away some of the tears "You say it enough,
I always know you feel it…. even when we argue"

She smiled a little, and felt some of the burden she'd been feeling lift
"I'm glad…." She paused, and took a deep breath before continuing "Bobby,
when I heard that shot, my world stopped, I didn't think I could go on if
you weren't there" Tears started streaming down her face again "Please
don't push me away Bobby, I can't lose you again"

He opened his arms and she collapsed against his chest, holding him
tightly, he rested his chin on the top of her head "You know the other
night when I said that the whole time I was in there, all I could see was
your face?" She nodded against his chest "That was true Lindsay" he pulled
back so he could look at her "You were my lifeline, I knew I'd get out
because, I knew I had you out there waiting for me. I was so scared but I
thought of you and it helped. And these past few days, I know I've been
pushing you away…" He paused, collected his thoughts "I guess I was only
doing that because I knew you wouldn't go anywhere, I need you Lindsay"

She buried her face in his chest and started crying again, he rocked her
until the storm of emotion passed, then she leaned back, her lips still
trembled, her eyes were swollen, and she had fresh tear tracks running down
her cheeks, he thought she'd never looked more beautiful to him. Tenderly
he pushed her hair away from her face "I love you, you know? I don't say it
enough, and sometimes I don't act like it, but I always feel it"

She nodded and rested her head back against his chest "I know, I love you
too"


 _________________________________________________

Part 8



He was a married man, he still couldn’t believe it. Even now two days
later, lying in the bed beside Lindsay …… his wife (the term still brought
a lump to his throat) Bobby was having trouble comprehending it. He didn’t
want to question his happiness, look at it too clearly for fear that he’d
screw up and do something to make it go away. He had a habit of doing that,
of sabotaging his own happiness and that of  the people around him, so for
now he thought, being happy was enough.

He felt Lindsay stir, and blink her eyes open slowly. He loved watching her
wake up. Loved the instinctive way she reached out for him when she did.
“You’re awake” she mumbled sleepily.

“Yeah” He leaned down and lightly kissed her on the forehead. “Go back to
sleep”

She half propped herself up on one elbow to get a better look at the
bedside clock “Bobby, it’s 4.30 in the morning”

“I know”

She lifted her free hand to rub at her eyes “Why are you awake?”

“I was just thinking”

“What about?”

“You” She regarded him with curiosity, so he continued “Us, our marriage”

“Good thoughts I hope”

He smiled down at her “Yeah, very good thoughts, but I didn’t mean to wake
you up, go back to sleep”

She shook her head, already awake “No, tell me about them?”

“My thoughts?” she nodded, and he paused not sure how to put them into
words “I guess I was just thinking how happy I was…… how I wish I could
slow time down, so that we could always be like this”

She raised one eyebrow “In bed?”

“No” he laughed, then conceded “Well that too, but what I meant was,
together, just the two of us with no outside interruptions, nothing to take
away from us.” He used the arm he had wrapped around her to pull her closer
“I never thought I’d say this, but I don’t want to go back to work”

She chuckled against his chest “I never thought I’d hear you say it either,
you give new meaning to the term workaholic”

He nodded “See that’s what I’m worried about, we’ll go back, we’ll be
inundated with cases, working til all hours and we’ll never see each other.
I really think it’s better if we just stay here, Lindsay”

“Bobby, we work in the same place”

“So?”

“So even if we go back to working 16 hour days …. which for the record I
hope we don’t… It doesn’t mean we wont see each other” she couldn’t hide
her amusement “Besides the hotel bill  would send us bankrupt”

“Yeah” he gazed around at his surroundings “we probably couldn’t afford
this on a daily basis”

“Not if we’re not working”

“It’s a nice place though, I chose wisely don’t you think?”

She smiled “Well I certainly like what I’ve seen of it so far” at his
confused stare she elaborated “Bobby unless you count the foyer, we haven’t
been out of this room the whole time.”

He raised his eyebrows “Complaints?”

“None that come to mind” she settled back against his chest “It’s not over
yet though, we still have a whole day left, we don’t have to be back until
Tuesday”

“I’m sorry we don’t have more time”

She sighed “You couldn’t postpone the trial…… besides I can hardly blame
you since it was me that surprised you with the wedding, we’re lucky our
schedules allowed for extra time at all. I guess I should have thought
about it more.”

His arm tightened around her “It was perfect Lindsay” he couldn’t control
the emotions in his voice “I couldn’t imagine a more wonderful wedding”

“Yeah” her tone was wistful “It came together well, I was a little worried
for a while there”

“I still have no idea how you managed it”

She gave him a secretive smile “Every relationship should have a little
mystery”

Bobby laughed and settled back against the headboard “Well it’ll make a
great story to tell the grandkids one day”

He felt Lindsay pause, and then she levered herself up to look at him with
surprise “Grandkids?”

“Well sure” he faltered a little under her unwavering stare, not sure how
to continue or even if he should. He didn’t know why but suddenly he felt
as if he’d wandered into unknown territory “I mean not straight away,
obviously the kids will have to come first”

She didn’t smile at his attempt at humor, her gaze remaining steady “You
want children?” she asked unsurely.

“Sure” she was beginning to worry him “I mean don’t you?”

“Well yes” she paused “It’s just that we’ve never discussed it before…. I
just assumed…”

“You thought I wouldn’t want kids?” he asked perplexed. “Lindsay I love
kids, you know that”

“Umm no not really” at his disbelieving look, she rushed to continue “I
mean obviously I think you’ll be great with our kids….. but Bobby lets face
it you’re horrible around other peoples”

“Who?” He questioned indignantly

“How about your cousin Toby’s little boy?”

“Little!…. Lindsay the kid’s a giant, he’s a nine year old giant!”

“He’s not that big Bobby, you’re exaggerating, besides his size isn’t the
point”

“He’s almost bigger than I am” He grumbled “And he cheats”

She did her best to smother a grin, but failed “You’re just still sour
because he beat you at poker”

“He didn’t beat me, he cheated. The kid’s a cheater”

“Well it’s your own fault for playing with him. You were teaching him to
gamble Bobby, a nine year old. That’s not a very good example”

He looked at her surprised “You don’t think I’d be a good father?”

“Oh Bobby” She reached out cup his cheek with her hand “I think you’ll be a
great father. I was just surprised, is all, because we hadn’t discussed it.
But I’m glad you want children” She lifted her eyebrow “Just out of
curiosity how many children do you want?”

“Four”

“Four!”

“Well I’m Catholic, Lindsay” he replied reasonably

She wasn’t following his train of thought “So?”

“So, we’re supposed to have two kids for the family and two for the church”

“But our family is only half Catholic, so that means we should only have
two”

He stared at her for a moment as if considering “What do you say we
compromise and have three?”

She shrugged “I could probably live with that, although we probably
shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I’m the one going through childbirth” she shuddered slightly at the
thought “I may do that once and never let you touch me again”

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad”

“So say’s the man, if it’s anything like some of the stories I’ve heard, I
may decide sex just isn’t worth it”

He laughed “That’s not what you said last night”

* * *

Bobby watched with amusement as Lindsay nervously paced the length of the
living room. “Lindsay relax”

“That’s easy for you to say, Bobby, you’re not the one who has to tell your
Mother you got married and didn’t invite her to the wedding”

“No I had to tell my Father, speaking of which…” He rose to join her near
the window “When do you plan to tell yours?”

Lindsay waved her hand absently “I’m in no rush, it’s not like I’ve spoken
to him much since the divorce”

“But still Lindsay….”

“Bobby please, can I concentrate on one parent at a time?” she went back to
her pacing.

“It’s not going to be as bad as you think, your mother loves you she’ll be
happy as long as your happy…” he broke off frowning “You are happy, right?”

The she gave him a look that clearly stated she thought that was a dumb
question, and continued pacing, when the doorbell rang she jumped slightly
“Showtime” she said looking at Bobby but not moving.

Bobby nodded and pointed at the door “I’ll let you get that”

“Coward” she muttered. He smiled but didn’t comment.

“Lindsay” Kate exclaimed happily as Lindsay opened the door. She took a
step inside and pulled Lindsay into a hug, then repeated the gesture as
Bobby stepped forward. “I’m so glad you invited me over” She walked into
the living room, speaking continually “I was in this charming little shop
the other day and I noticed these beautiful flower arrangements, and I
couldn’t help thinking they’d make wonderful centre pieces for the
reception, so I had to buy one to show you, what do you think?” she asked
reaching into a plastic bag and pulling out a ceramic pot containing
brightly colored artificial orchids. “Of course they’re not real but they
look so authentic it’s hard to tell, and I thought since you haven’t picked
a color for your bridesmaids yet they’d match whatever you decided on.
Isn’t it perfect?”

Lindsay and Bobby looked at each other uneasily, then back at Kate who was
waiting for some kind of answer. “Mum…..”

“Yes dear?”

Lindsay looked pleadingly at Bobby, when it became obvious he wasn’t going
to say anything she tried again “Well the thing is….. umm…”

Kate’s face fell “You don’t like them?” She sighed, “Well that’s ok, I mean
I’m a little disappointed but it is your wedding after all, it should be
your choice, maybe if we go shopping on Saturday we’ll find something else”

“No Mum, it’s not that, I mean the flowers are great, I love them it’s just
that….”

“You do?” Kate interrupted “Oh that’s wonderful, I was sure you would, you
know I told the storeowner to hold as many as he could…..”

“Mum!!”

“Yes?”

Lindsay sighed “We can’t use the flowers”

Kate frowned “But you just said….”

“Mum sit down please” Lindsay waited until Kate had taken a seat and then
sat on the couch next to her “I do like them, but we can’t  use the flowers
because….” she took a deep breath then hurried on “Because we’re already
married” Lindsay closed her eyes and waited for the explosion, when all she
got was silence she slowly opened them again, her Mother was staring at
her, in a state of apparent shock. “Mum, say something”

Kate opened her mouth to comment, but when no words came out she closed it
again quickly. She blinked rapidly turning her head back and forth to look
at both Bobby and Lindsay. “Married?” her voice was pitched unusually high.
“How is this possible?”

Lindsay shot Bobby a look that clearly said she thought it was time he
joined the conversation “The thing is Kate” he said stepping forward “We
eloped”

“You eloped?” Kate repeated, still in shock, she shook her head to try to
clear it “You eloped! Why?” She was swivelling around to look at Lindsay
“Lindsay how could you do this to me?”

“Well” Lindsay faltered a little “It was the way we wanted it. I mean it
was our wedding”

“But… but…. I brought flowers”

Bobby had to bight back a smile, at Kate’s bewildered tone “It really
wasn’t Lindsay’s fault Kate I was the one who suggested eloping”

“No” Lindsay looked up at him “It was both our idea, in fact it was more my
idea than Bobby’s”

Kate was still trying to process the information “When? When did this
happen”

“Friday night” Lindsay reached out for her Mothers hand “I tried to call
you but then I remembered you were staying with David in Connecticut”

“I was back Saturday morning, you couldn’t have waited one more day?”

“We would have Mum, but Father Patrick was going away for two weeks, so
there wasn’t any time. It was get married on Friday or we’d have had to
wait until he got back”

“Would waiting have been so terrible?”

“Yes” Bobby looked at Lindsay, now that he was married he couldn’t imagine
being any other way. The tore his gaze away to focus on Kate “I know we’ve
surprised you Kate, and the last thing we wanted to do was hurt you, but
Lindsay and I love each other, we wanted to be married. Waiting another day
would have felt like an eternity.” He gazed at Lindsay with a look of
absolute love, he found a similar expression on her face “We didn’t even
have time to get rings”

There were tears in Kate’s eyes when they finally looked back over at her
“Oh Mum, please don’t cry, we didn’t mean to upset you” Lindsay was feeling
a little emotional herself after Bobby’s speech.

“I’m not upset” Kate hiccuped “I’m so happy” Tears were streaming down her
face.

“You are?” Bobby asked doubtfully. Kate nodded, unable to reply. “Because
you look a little upset” Bobby continued.

“Bobby” Lindsay hissed, shutting him up.

Kate reached over and hugged Lindsay tightly, when she composed herself
slightly she leaned back “I don’t suppose you have a tissue?” Bobby nodded
and hurried into the kitchen, retrieving the box and offering it to Kate
“Thank you” she smiled up at him, and patted the couch on the other side of
her. He sat down. “Now since I wasn’t there I want you to tell me all about
it, where do you go to elope? City Hall?”

“Funny you should ask” Lindsay replied.