Title: In the Absence of Fear

Author: Alison (alleyb178@yahoo.com)

Author's note: The jury is still out on the title – I might change it.
Anyway, I thought that it might be interesting to look at how Bobby began
the firm and how each of the lawyers came to work for him. Feedback is
appreciated, as always!

Disclaimer: Not my characters…no financial gain…they belong to ABC and
DEK…yada yada yada. Let the games begin!

 **********************************
Part 1

Bobby slammed the car door on the last of the boxes; his life as a student
was now officially finished and he couldn't wait to begin his career as a
lawyer. He looked back on the buildings for what he hoped would be the last
time and was about to get behind the wheel when he saw one of his favourite
professors waving to him.
"Bobby!" Professor Jenkins called breathlessly.
"Mr. Jenkins." Bobby replied with a glance at his watch - Professor Jenkins
was notorious for his rambling conversations that seemed to go completely
off-topic. Bobby hoped that this one wouldn't take long as he was anxious
to leave.
"I heard that you are planning to begin your own firm? Are you sure that's
what you want to do, Bobby?" He was clearly concerned about Bobby's future.
Bobby sighed at this. Everybody, including his own father, had been on his
back for deciding to start his own firm. He realised that nobody had any
faith in him at all and found it all quite disappointing. He usually gave a
standard response about the despicable nature of large firm politics, but
he decided that Jenkins wouldn't accept any of that crap and gave him a
more honest answer.
"Mr. Jenkins, last year I clerked for a lawyer in a big firm, and hated
every second of it. I want to argue in court and I know I won't get that
opportunity for a long time if I become a slave to one of them. I clerked
for Raymond Oz this year, and it really opened my eyes up to the world of
criminal law. I know that's what I want to do."
"Very few one-lawyer firms make it, Bobby. Clients won't want to trust a
new graduate and you won't have anyone there to show you the ropes. I think
you should rethink the decision at least for a year or two."
"I'll be fine. But thanks, I do appreciate it."
"Okay, get going. Good luck, Bobby."
"Thanks, Mr. Jenkins." Bobby jumped into his car and roared away, leaving
Jenkins to watch, amused at his enthusiasm.

    *       *       *

Bobby passed the bar a few months later and his father and many other
relatives watched proudly as he was sworn in. They threw a huge party
afterwards and Bobby found that he couldn't stop smiling –  this was the
beginning of what he knew would be a wonderful life.
"Bobby, we are all so proud of you," his aunt squeezed his arm and took a
seat next to him.
"Thanks, Molly," he took a sip of his beer.
"Now, I have been meaning to tell you. My neighbour wants to write a will
and she doesn't know what to do. If I give you her number, will you help
her? She's filthy rich – I'm sure she'll pay you well."
"Molly, you don't have to find me clients," he sighed and she looked
guilty. "But I'll call her."
"Thanks, Bobby. I know she'll be grateful."
"No problem." She patted him encouragingly on the arm and walked over to
talk to her niece who was heavily pregnant. Bobby saw Raymond Oz and
approached him tiredly.
"How's business?" Ray asked, noting Bobby's appearance.
"I'm sure it will improve now that I can actually show that I'm qualified.
"If you ever need any help, Bobby, I'll always be here for you."
"Thanks, Ray."
"And I've been overloaded with cases recently, would you mind if I refer
some on to you?"
"Why is everybody trying to get me clients?"
"Because we understand how hard it must be for you."
"I wish everybody would leave me alone and let me handle it myself."
"Bobby, you're too stubborn for your own good. Always accept any help that
people offer, you won't survive otherwise. I'll get some of the clients to
call you."
"Okay, thanks."
"Oh…and Bobby?"
"Yes?"
"Congratulations," the old lawyer opened his arms and enclosed Bobby in a
protective hug.
"Thanks, Ray."

The party was winding down and Bobby left soon after, heading to his new
office cum apartment. He had spent a week traipsing around the city,
looking for an office and had finally come across one that he could afford.
The real estate agent had been anxious to get it off his books and had
lowered the rent; and Bobby was happy with his new home - he had a room out
back where he could sleep and a front room for an office. The building was
across the road from a major law office and Bobby hoped that the location
would be beneficial for him. However, over the last few weeks he had sat at
his desk and watched well-dressed clients walk in and out of the office
across the road while only one person had entered his door and that had
been his father. Bobby sighed and lay down on his bed, ashamed that the
clients his family had referred to him would be his first. He had had such
expectations when he had left law school but e realised now how unrealistic
they had been – he had been sure that people would be beating down his door
for his counsel, but his door remained stubbornly closed. But Bobby
remained hopeful that the drought would soon be over.

    *       *       *

Bobby looked around the dim, smoky bar with distaste. The people around him
were depressed 50 something middle management types with little hope of
promotion. The bartender wiped down the grimy mahogany bar lethargically –
all the while keeping his eye on the progress of the football game that
played silently on the small TV above the bar.  A year had passed since
Bobby's swearing in and he had worked non- stop since then on small legal
matters in his cheap office downtown. He had finally found his niche in
criminal law and was making some money representing drug dealers; all the
while Raymond Oz was his saviour and had tutored him on courtroom technique
and other aspects of the law that weren't taught in law school. The clients
had eventually come to his door and he had recently found himself swamped
with paperwork and was unable to answer the phones and do all the
administrative work required to keep the office going. A friend had
suggested taking on a secretary and had given him the phone number of a
Rebecca Washington.

Bobby downed his beer and was about to leave the bar when a young,
attractive woman sat down beside him.
"Robert Donnell? She asked, flustered from an obvious effort to get there.
"Yes, I-." he began, annoyed.
She interrupted him, "I'm Rebecca Washington. I am so sorry I'm late. My
boss wouldn't let me leave." She grimaced.
Bobby felt forgiving and dismissed the apology with a wave of his hand,
"Don't worry about it. Can I get you something to drink?"
"Just a mineral water, thanks."
He passed on her request to the bartender, conscious of her eyes upon him.
She appeared to be sizing him up.
"So you're a secretary?" He asked, trying to ignore her stare.
"Yes I work for an accountant, but he has wandering hands and I'm desperate
to leave. I have experience in account keeping and all facets of
secretarial work."
"You could sue him – that's becoming popular these days." Bobby suggested
eagerly.
"No, I never want to see him again."
Bobby suddenly remembered that he was supposed to be interviewing her –
*good one Donnell* he thought to himself. He cleared his throat and she
looked at him expectantly.
"So what makes you think you'd be a good law secretary?"
"Mr. Donnell-."
"Call me Bobby."
"Okay…Bobby. I'm a good secretary and I learn quickly, I have lots of
experience with account keeping, so I can save you money. And I know you
are pretty much just starting out, so we can learn together."
Bobby held back a grimace – hating the fact that everybody still treated
him like a rookie.
"The only account keeping you'll be doing is juggling which overdue bills
to pay first," he told her. "I've begun representing drug dealers and I
hope to move into more serious criminal law – murder and rape cases. How do
you feel about that?"
"I grew up in a neighbourhood where many of the people had criminal
records. I hate seeing kids get into a bad crowd and get thrown in jail –
they need a break, but mostly get incompetent public defenders  to
represent them in court. So good criminal lawyering is necessary. If you
could free one innocent person, I don't mind about the rest of them."
Bobby was pleased at her point of view and told himself to hire her right
then and there. He tried not to seem to eager, "Well if we can work out a
suitable salary, you've got the job."
Rebecca smiled and told him what she was being paid by the accountant. He
gulped when she named the figure, and wondered whether she would take a pay
cut. She saw his pained expression, and smiled again.
"What can you afford to pay me?"
He told her, and it was her turn to gulp. She had liked what she saw in
him, and figured that with her help, he could probably succeed at his
venture. But taking such a pay cut was going to be difficult. She saw the
hope in his eyes and realised that she had no choice. Bobby, in
desperation, said, "But if I earn more than I expect I could give you a
bonus and a pay rise for the following years."
"Deal!" She said immediately. *Who needs money anyway* she thought to
herself. They shook on it and agreed that she should start work on Monday.

Bobby watched her leave the dingy bar, which was beginning to liven as the
overworked business types left to meet their tired wives and noisy
children, and the Friday-night partygoers began to arrive, including the
passionate Harvard law students who dreamed of greatness in the noble
occupation of the law. He smiled cynically, knowing that the same law
students would soon become machines programmed to make money for the greedy
firms to which they belonged and with this thought in mind, he left the
bar. He made his way to his office. The elevator whirred and deposited him
on his floor, the doors clanging shut behind him. The corridor was immersed
in darkness and his footsteps echoed tremendously in the silence. The door
to the office opened easily and he surveyed the room before entering - it
was a mess, but it was *his* mess; now he had an office and a secretary -
all he needed was clients - lots of them.

END PART 1

Title: In the Absence of Fear, part 2

Author: Alison (alleyb178@yahoo.com)

Author's note: This is about how Bobby began the firm and how the others
joined. This particular part focuses on his first murder trial. For the
Lindsay fans, she appears in this episode. I've wandered from the path of
realism and am now ambling in the forest of dreams…sorry…I felt poetic!
Feedback quenches any thirst for ideas.

Disclaimer: See part 1

    ***************************************************

2 Years Later.

"Robert Donnell's office," Rebecca said efficiently.
"You should be ashamed of yourself. When you reach your judgement day, the
good Lord will see the evil that you have committed and send you to Hell
with the sick people you represent."
"Thank you for calling. Have a nice day." Rebecca hung up the phone with a
sigh. "That was another one," she called to Bobby who was rummaging through
files in the corner.
"Just ignore them, Bec. Now are you sure that you haven't seen the
forensics report for the Harrison trial? I'm sure I left it over here
somewhere."
"Sorry, I haven't seen it."
"Do I have any appointments today?"
"Only one, a lady called Anna Logan. She was pretty guarded on the phone
and wouldn't tell me what it was about."
"What time?"
"Four."
Bobby looked at his watch. He had two hours. "I have to ask Ray something.
I'll be back by four."
He rushed out the door; Rebecca watched him, slightly amused. The phone
rang again.
"Robert Donnell's office."
"I'm watching you. If he goes free, I'll get you. We all will." Rebecca had
heard it all before. "Have a nice day, you freak." She slammed down the
phone in frustration.

Bobby walked into Raymond Oz's office, his feet sinking into the plush
carpet. Ray was staring out the window to the park below, where a kid's
game of baseball was in progress. He listened to Bobby's worries patiently
and offered some comfort.
"You'll be fine, Bobby. I've seen you in court, you're a natural."
"But this is a murder trial, Ray. I haven't had any experience with a
trial this big."
"Everyone has to start somewhere. At my first murder trial I was so nervous
I finished my opening and sat down at the Prosecution's table – next to the
DA. Even the judge laughed at me."
"I bet you still won it."
"I did. But it's not always the merits of the case that win trials, Bobby.
It's presentation and charisma, it's turning the facts around so that you
look like a genius and the defendant looks innocent."
"But that's unethical."
"Sometimes, when a man's life is on the line, you have to do whatever you
can to get the guy off."
"I don't want to resort to dirty tricks to win my cases, Ray."
"Is this man innocent?"
Bobby thought about his client, Joe Harrison, "I think so."
"Well I want you to ask yourself, the second before the verdict is read,
whether you wouldn't do anything at that point to hear the foreman read,
'not guilty'."
"I'm going to try this case on the facts, not trickery."
"You do whatever you have to do, Bobby." Ray swivelled his padded leather
chair towards his desk and focussed on some papers in front of him,
effectively ending the pep talk. Bobby stood and stared at the old man who
had helped him for so long. A man who had taught him most of what he knew.
He would prove to Ray that dirty tricks wouldn't be required for this
trial, that he could win it on merits alone. He realised that it was the
works of the great Raymond Oz that gave defense attorneys such a bad name.

        *       *       *

"Anna?" Bobby asked the woman who was sitting next to Rebecca in the
office.
"Yes. Mr. Donnell?"
"That's me."
"You look so young!"
"I've been practicing law for three years. What can I help you with?"
"Well…" She looked at Rebecca, "…Can we talk somewhere in private?"
"Sure, come in here." He led her to a small room containing a table and
chairs. He called it a conference room, but he knew that it didn't compare
to conference rooms in other offices. She sat down tentatively and Bobby
realised that she was injured in some way.
"Were you in some sort of accident? Do you want to sue someone?"
"No. It wasn't an accident. My…my husband hit me."
"Oh…has he done it before?"
"Yes…he plays poker with some friends…he always loses money and gets
drunk…he usually blames me. It's my fault."
"How is it your fault!?" Bobby exclaimed angrily.
"I argue with him…He gets angry…I shouldn't argue. I should just do my duty
as his wife."
Bobby was shocked. He couldn't believe that the woman would stand for this
violence and abuse from her husband. "What do you want me to do, Mrs.
Logan?"
"Anna."
"Okay, Anna." He looked at her questioningly.
"I…I don't know." She whispered.
"Shall I tell you what your options are?" He asked softly.
"Okay," she was on the verge of tears.
"I think you should divorce him and take out a restraining order."
"I'd be nothing without him. I'm too weak."
"Is that what he said?"
She nodded. "But he's right. I am too weak."
"You're not weak, Anna. You are a very special, strong person. I really
think you should leave him."
"I can't!" She cried emphatically.
"Why not?" She mumbled something that he couldn't understand.
"What?" he asked.
"I said…I'm pregnant."
Bobby was saddened, "Does he know?" he asked sombrely.
"Yes. I went to a doctor to ask about an abortion. He found out and told me
that it was my duty to give him children."
"Do you want children?"
"I want whatever he wants. He's right - I was stupid to ask for an
abortion."
Bobby was exasperated with her. "Anna, you need to consider what would be
best for this baby."
"I can't afford to have a baby on my own! I need him!" She cried
desperately.
Bobby had an idea, "How about you suggest to him that you both see a
marriage counsellor?"
She considered the idea and gave a small smile. "He might agree to that."
"Otherwise you can get a restraining order against him."
"No!" She replied stubbornly
"Okay. Call me if you need me, Anna. Anytime." He passed her his card with
his home phone number on it.
"Thanks. I'm glad you're young." She said cryptically.

     *       *       *

The courtroom was buzzing with reporters holding cameras and microphones;
they swarmed towards Bobby and the defendant as they emerged from the small
waiting room, stinging them with questions. Bobby shielded himself and his
client from the cameras nervously. This was his first big trial and he was
worried that he'd blow his chance to make it to the big-time. He had met
with Raymond Oz the night before to explain his strategy and rehearse his
opening arguments and Ray had approved, silently contemplating Bobby's
bright future in criminal law. But even with Ray's approval Bobby was
nervous about this case. The reporters finally dispersed as they entered
the courtroom. Spectators curiously turned to stare at the defendant as he
walked past and a crying family swore and cursed him, while the beady eye
of the cameras recorded silently.
"Have a seat, Joe. The judge should be out soon." Bobby told the defendant
calmly.
"Did you hear what they were saying, Bobby? They think that I did it."
"Joe, I've been trying to tell you for the past month that the whole
country think you did it. If you want to take Murder Two, I'll talk to the
DA."
"What do you think I should do?" Joe cried, defeated.
"I think you have a chance, but I'm pretty new to this, so it's your
decision." Bobby told him, desperately hoping that Joe wouldn't take a
deal.
"I trust you Bobby, you got my friend Alex out of trouble last year and he
was guilty. I think you can handle this one since I'm obviously innocent."

Bobby remembered Alex's arrest well, but winning that one had been easy -
the police had been lazy and hadn't bothered to get a warrant to perform a
search; Alex had walked free the day after he was arrested. But this was a
murder trial and he had never tried one. The judge finally swaggered
through the door, pleased at the turnout for this trial - he was coming up
for retirement and wanted to be noticed by the public before he left the
bench for good.
"All rise."
The jury sat in the jury box and stared at Joe unremittingly. Joe turned to
Bobby with a pained expression, but Bobby concentrated on the prosecution's
opening argument. Easels sat in front of the jury, holding enlarged photos
of the little girl happily blowing out candles and bruised and bloody,
having been killed execution style at point blank range.
"…We will prove that she was violently raped by the defendant and then shot
in the head with a semi automatic weapon. This is an innocent little girl
who was simply walking to school the day she was murdered." The DA
continued emotionally for another ten minutes before sitting down. Bobby
felt that she had gone overboard and the jury was completely sickened by
the photos and story. Bobby took a deep breath and turned to the jury.
"Emotion is running high with this case and it always does when an innocent
child is a victim of a very ugly, adult crime. But we need to take a step
back and not look at the emotion…" he paused and turned over the ugly photo
of the girl. "…Or the age and innocence of this girl." He turned over the
other photo so that all that the jury could see were two blank white
boards. "We need you to look at the evidence that the state is presenting
to you and you need to decide whether it conclusively proves, without
doubt, that this man is responsible for this crime. We will present
evidence that contradicts the prosecution's case, evidence that suggests
that Joe Harrison is a responsible citizen who did not commit this crime.
Let's forget the emotion for a little while and concentrate on the facts."
Bobby sat down again, and Ray nodded his approval from the back of the
gallery. The trial had started well and he felt that Bobby had a good
chance.

      *       *       *

"I saw the way they were looking at me, they hate me," Joe anguished.
"Don't worry about the jury, Joe. They haven't heard our side yet. And I
think the DA is making a mistake by emphasising the ugliness of this case,
it makes them look desperate."
"I can't go to jail for this, Bobby. I can't."
Bobby felt the immense pressure upon him, "I'll do my best, Joe. Now I have
to prepare for tomorrow. I'll see you in the morning." He left the room and
leaned against the wall just outside the door. He felt on the verge of an
anxiety attack – he had never known this sort of pressure before. If he
didn't do a good a job, an innocent man would go to jail.
"Bobby! You did great today!" Ray rushed up to him and patted him on the
back. "You have a real chance."
"I don't know, Ray; the jury didn't respond to my cross-examining the way I
thought they would. Joe's worried."
"Once you begin your case, they'll come around. Good luck."
"Thanks Ray." Bobby's mentor had cheered him up a little and he made his
way back to his tiny office, motivated to prepare for the next day.
"I had thousands of calls today," Rebecca exaggerated dramatically.
"Thousands?" Bobby teased.
"Thousands. About nine hundred were abusive and the others were from
murderers wanting you to defend them."
"What?"
"Apparently you're the man of the month. They saw your name in the paper
and want you to represent them. Here." She passed him his day planner,
which showed the huge number of appointments.
"I haven't even won yet! This is great!"
"Yeah, so maybe I can finally have that bonus?"
"Maybe."
"Oh and Janet called. She thinks you're disgusting to represent 'that
murderer' and never wants to see you again. She hopes you rot in hell…
that's the edited version."
"So I guess that means we don't have a date this weekend?"
"I guess not. Aren't you upset?"
"Not really. She said right from the start that she hated my job. I knew it
wouldn't work out."
Rebecca shook her head, amazed, "I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow." She
picked up her coat and disappeared through the door.
"Bye." Bobby called after her. He had no regrets about Janet – he couldn't
seem to find the time or energy to concentrate on a relationship anyway,
and he didn't even yearn for companionship. He had a job to concentrate on.

      *       *       *
"Bobby…?"
Bobby squinted through bleary eyes at his clock. It was two in the morning.
"Yes?"
"It's…its Anna. I'm sorry to call so late."
Bobby instantly woke up. "Is something wrong, Anna?"
"I…" he could hear crying in the background. "He hit me again."
"Where are you?"
"At home."
"What's the address?"
She told him and he was in his car in minutes, speeding to her house. She
met him at the door, her arm was obviously broken and blood covered her
clothes. Bobby carefully helped her into his car and rushed her to the
hospital. The nurses whisked her away immediately as if this was a common
event. Bobby spent the night in the waiting room and was woken up in the
morning by a nurse holding coffee. "Anna would like to see you," she said
kindly, passing him the coffee. She led him to the room and left them
alone.
"I'm sorry to burden you with this, Bobby…you were right. I don't want him
to be a part of my baby's life. I want to divorce him."
Relief washed through Bobby and he relaxed into the chair, "I'll draw up
the papers today. I'll also get you a restraining order against him. You're
doing the right thing Anna."
"It just doesn't feel like it at the moment..." she sighed and closed her
eyes. "Good luck in court today, Bobby," her voice faded away and Bobby
left hurriedly.

That morning, he finally had the chance to give Joe's side of the story. He
called Joe to the stand and asked the questions they had rehearsed. Joe
answered them confidently and concisely. Bobby was happy with the
performance and sat down to allow the DA to do his damage. And damage is
exactly what he did. "Mr. Harrison, are you lying to us?"
"No." Joe looked affronted and Bobby was sure that this was the DA's ploy
to fool the jury.
"Objection," he called.
"Withdrawn," The DA snapped. "Mr. Harrison. You said to us that you were
home at the time of the murder, but we have the testimony of your boss that
you came to work that morning and stayed until about lunchtime, is that
correct?"
"Yes, but then I went home."
"At what time, Mr. Harrison."
"I left at twelve and staid home for the rest of the day."
"Is that so? Your Honor, we would at this time like to call a rebuttal
witness."
Joe went white and Bobby felt heat creep up his neck. "Sidebar, Your
Honor?" he asked coldly.
"Approach."
They approached the bench and Bobby glared at the DA.
"What the hell have you got that contradicts my client's testimony?" He
demanded.
"Mr. Donnell. I won't have that language or tone in my courtroom. Mr.
Ferris, can you shed some light on your next witness?" The judge ordered.
"Your Honor, we met this witness this morning. He told us that he could
prove that the defendant was not at home that day and he showed us some
interesting video footage. It was of course too late for us to introduce
this testimony, so we waited for the defendant to lie on the stand."
"Okay. I'll allow it."

A man lumbered up to the stand and stared uninterestedly at the jury; they
stared curiously back. He outlined what had happened the day of the murder
and described his relationship with the defendant.
"I own a porn shop. He's a regular."
"A regular?"
"He comes in at least twice a week to buy porn. Just the soft stuff, not
the violent type."
"And he came in on the afternoon that the murder was committed?"
"Yes."
"What time?"
"It was about three that afternoon."
"How do we know that you're telling the truth?"
"I have video surveillance in my store." The DA proceeded to show the jury
a videotape that clearly portrayed the defendant in the store at three
o'clock on the afternoon of the murder. Bobby didn't even take any notice,
his mind was blank and all he wanted to do was strangle Joe for lying to
him.

When the judge finally declared that it was time for lunch, Bobby made a
beeline for Ray, who had been sitting at the back of the court.
“It's all ruined!" Bobby yelled at Ray when they were alone.
"Don't take it out on me, Bobby. He lied. It's not the first time a
defendant has lied on the stand, and some have even been acquitted."
"It's ruined. I'd ask for a deal if I thought that the DA would accept. How
can I continue with my defense?"
"Put him back up there to explain himself. If he's innocent, the jury will
see it."
"I can't believe he lied to me."
"Ninety nine percent of your clients will lie to you at some stage, Bobby.
It's part of the job to see through those lies." He paused and regarded
Bobby carefully. "Perhaps it's time to take other measures." He suggested
gently.
"No."
"Bobby. The guy who found the body of the girl was never investigated for
the murder. You said yourself that he had a criminal record and had time to
do it."
"The police would have invested him if they thought he did it."
"If you believe that, you're naïve."
"I'm not doing it, Ray."
"Okay. It's your choice. You'd better go and tell your client that he's
facing life in jail." Ray walked away leaving Bobby to agonise over his
next step.

Bobby returned to the courtroom after having a loud discussion with Joe.
The judge soon asked him to call his next witness and Bobby, reluctantly,
called Gordon Lange. Before beginning, Bobby raised his eyes to the roof
and prayed for forgiveness for what he was about to do.

"Mr. Lange. Did you kill Tina Hall?"

     *       *       *

The courtroom was almost completely silent, except for the rustling of
reporter's notebooks. The jury filed in and sat down, subdued by the
occasion. They had reached a verdict within an hour and Bobby was worried
about their haste - he was certain that he was going to lose and was about
to turn to Joe to offer his apologies when the foreman stood to read the
verdict. Bobby held his breath and could see that most of the people in the
courtroom were doing the same thing. Joe was shaking with terror and seemed
to want to be swallowed through the floor.
"Commonwealth versus Harrison, on the charge of Murder in the first degree.
We find the defendant, Joseph Harrison…not guilty. On the charge of Murder
in the second degree, we find the defendant…not guilty."
The following words of the judge were lost in an eruption of emotion. The
victim's family cried out in agony - the mother collapsing to the floor and
attracting the attention of the prying cameras. Reporters scribbled
hurriedly in an effort to capture the flying comments and accusations that
seemed to speed dizzily around the room, the outrage merging into one
enormous cacophony of noise. Joe seemed to lose all his energy and simply
sat next to Bobby, oblivious to the uproar around him. Bobby waited with
him, taking in the amazing atmosphere of the room – certain now that he had
chosen the right career. Finally, the crowd dispersed and the reporters
became tired of waiting for Bobby to comment. The room became silent and
empty except for a girl sitting quietly at the back.

Lindsay waited nervously - she had been following this trial for a school
assignment and had found herself becoming emotionally involved in the whole
thing, she believed that the defendant was innocent. She had been trying to
raise the courage to approach Bobby all week, but hadn't been successful.
Now was her chance.
"Excuse me. Mr. Donnell?"
"Yes," Bobby turned expectantly and was surprised at her youth.
"Hi." She said nervously. "I've been following this trial for a college
essay. I just want to congratulate you on the win. I never once thought
that he was guilty."
Bobby was slightly taken aback. "Thank you. What's the essay topic?"
"The effect of the media on criminal law."
"Wow. That's a hard topic to research."
"Yeah. But I wanted to do it…I want to be a lawyer one day."
"Well good luck."
"Thanks."
He walked away, supporting Joe who was still shaky. She watched him leave,
annoyed at herself for sounding so immature. She took one last look at the
courtroom before leaving; a shiver ran down her spine as she contemplated
the prospect of arguing there one day.

END PART 2

Title: In the Absence of Fear, part 3

Author: Alison (alleyb178@yahoo.com)

Author's note: Ummm…I don't really like this part at all…it's kinda boring.
But I'll post it with the promise that the next part will be better! Eugene
joins the firm…and they move to the office that we know and love…that's all
I'll say!

Disclaimer: See part 1

   *************************************************************

1 year later. (4 years after the firm began)

Rebecca looked around the room as though it was the most spacious office
she had ever seen. The office they had occupied for the last 4 years had
finally reached its use-by date and tempers had recently been frayed as
clients and files filled every available space. There had recently been an
incident between an assault suspect and an elderly woman who was there to
sign a will and so Bobby had finally given in to Rebecca's pleadings and
they had begun searching…and searching…and searching. There seemed to be no
offices that existed in Bobby's price range until, finally, the estate
agent had called ecstatically. There was a new office that had just come on
the market and the three of them had rushed to have a look. Rebecca could
see Bobby wandering through the next room and he soon emerged, looking at
her questioningly. The agent looked on awkwardly and waited for their
reaction.
"I like it!" Rebecca declared.
"It's kind of run-down." Bobby whined, looking distastefully at the peeling
grey walls.
"Mr. Donnell, I have to be frank with you. Your budget doesn't allow you
much capacity to be picky about the appearance of the office. This one is
in a safe, well-respected area, it is in close proximity to other law firms
and the courthouse, and it has space enough for you to expand. It meets all
the requirements that you outlined."
"Bobby, he's right. This is exactly what we need. When we have some more
money spare we can renovate it a little."
"I have to think about it."
"This office will sell in a second. If you're serious about this, then make
sure you call me this afternoon. Otherwise you'll miss your opportunity."
"Okay. I'll call you in an hour."
He and Rebecca walked out of the office and made their way down the street.
She slapped him on the arm when they were outside and gave him a dirty
look.
"What was that for?" Bobby asked indignantly.
"You know what it's for," Rebecca grumbled.
"No I don't."
"Bobby, I knew that you have a problem with committing to relationships,
but I had no idea that you had an issue with buying an office. We have
looked at every building in this city and nothing satisfies you. The
offices are too big or small, too expensive, too run-down, in a bad area or
too far from the courthouse. You are worse than my best friend is at shoe
shopping."
"Did you like that office?" He asked with a pained expression.
Rebecca threw up her hands, exasperated, "I have liked all of them! But
yes, this one does suit our needs. Buy it!"
Bobby continued walking, stubbornly considering his options. Rebecca was
right. She was always right. The lack of space in their current office had
become an issue after he had won his first murder trial  –   criminals of
all walks of life had come knocking at his door, confiding that they were
glad that there was finally a lawyer prepared to fight for the common man.
They expected Bobby to get them acquitted and so Bobby had unwillingly
adopted Ray's tactics in the courtroom. He was slightly discouraged to find
that the tactics worked, but had since justified to himself that they were
necessary for justice to be served and no longer considered the ethics
involved. But the office had become overcrowded and tempers had been short
between Rebecca and himself and she had finally convinced him to begin
looking around for something new. When they got back to the office, Bobby
entered the 'conference room' and called the estate agent. The man was
pleased that Bobby was finally satisfied and agreed to put forward an offer
of purchase. Rebecca watched him expectantly when he appeared and smiled
when he said, "You got your way."
"You won't regret it, Bobby."
"We'll see."

    *       *       *

They moved to the new premises a month later and Rebecca exulted in the
extra space. The day that they moved, a man walked through the door and
looked around him, impressed.
"This is great, Bobby!" He said as Bobby walked from the next room to greet
him.
"Thanks, Dad."
"Hi Rebecca. You must be happy to have the extra space." he smiled
knowingly.
"I am, Mr. Donnell. I don't know what to do with myself."
"I'm sure you'll find something to do!"
"You can count on it."
Bobby said nothing, but watched his good friend and father joke around.
*This is the right move* he thought to himself, *more people would come now
that he could show off this new office*. He made his way back to the room
he had claimed for himself and began to sort out the boxes that piled up on
top of his desk.

     *       *       *

"Bobby, Simon Dobson is on the phone, he's been arrested and wants you to
meet him at the arraignment at two. Also, Anna Logan is here for her
appointment." Rebecca called to him from the next room.
Rebecca's desk now sat between the main door and his office, which was most
convenient and allowed them to yell instructions and information to each
other – it saved having to buy an intercom, he argued. She disagreed, but
had yet to find enough spare money to buy one, so she went along with the
arrangement for the time being.
"Thanks Bec. Tell Anna I'll be with her in a moment." He called back.
Rebecca turned to Anna, "He'll be with you-."
"I heard," Anna laughingly interrupted.
Rebecca sighed in response.
Bobby picked up the phone, "Simon, what did you do this time?"
"Bobby, I had no choice! I needed the money fast!"
"Alright! Don't say anything. I'll meet you at the arraignment. I want the
money up front this time!"
"Thanks Bobby. I'll get it to you tomorrow."
Bobby decided that he'd believe the promise when he had the money in his
hand and hung up the phone and poked his head around the door.
"Anna? What can I do for you?"
'"It's my ex-husband…"
"Again?"
"Yes," she sighed. Anna had had her baby after leaving her husband and
Bobby and Rebecca had since helped her to find a job and counselling. Her
ex-husband continued to terrorise her, ignoring restraining orders and
police warnings.
"He's broken the restraining order three times. I suggest you have him
arrested."
"I can't do that, Bobby, he'll kill me."
"Has he threatened you?"
"He has threatened to kill me when he is drunk– but he would never try."
Bobby gave her a withering look, knowing that if he got angry enough,
Anna's husband would kill her. "What did he do this time?"
"He came around asking for money…for drugs. I wouldn't give it to him, so
he hit me."
"With what?"
"Just his fist this time - he didn't have the golf club handy. He broke my
wrist and I've got some bruises."
"Anna, I can't do anything if you don't report him to the police."
"All I want is for all my assets to be put somewhere so that he can't touch
them. So if he does kill me, Sarah will inherit them."
"Where was Sarah when he came?"
"My Mom was looking after her, thank God. I dread to think what he would've
done to her – his own daughter."
"Okay, I'll need a list of your assets and the related documentation of
ownership etc. I'll draw up a will and if you're happy with it, you can
sign it next week. Until then, stay at your mother's and if he comes near
you…"
"I will. Thanks Bobby."

Bobby watched her leave, nursing her injured arm protectively and limping
from where her ex-husband's belt had slashed across her thigh.
"Bobby, you're due in court in twenty minutes and then you have an
appointment at 4:30," Rebecca called.
"Okay, okay." He grabbed his coat and briefcase and left the office.

Clutching his briefcase and still feeling a novice, he met his client at
the door of the courtroom. His mother had left all her assets to him when
she had died, and he was being sued by his brother for half of the
property.
"Nicholas, how are you?"
"I'll be better when we win this case, Bobby." He gestured to another small
group of people, which included his brother.
"Have you seen my brother's lawyer? His name is Eugene Young." Nicholas
pointed out the tall black man. "Is he good?"
"I don't know, but we'll soon find out."

Bobby soon found out that he was good – very good. Eugene managed to win
part of the value of the assets for his client and Bobby was impressed by
his skill in the courtroom. The case dragged, the judge taking a long time
to decide on the issue and  Bobby made it to the arraignment with seconds
to spare, unable to introduce himself to Eugene.

     *       *       *

"Well, how did it go?" Rebecca asked, sipping her beer.
"The judge granted him bail, which I didn't expect. But he's guilty – our
only chance is a technical fault by the police."
"What about the feuding brothers?"
"The judge granted Nicholas' brother a quarter of the assets."
"Was Nicholas happy?"
"Not really," Bobby paused, recalling the man's words of abuse directed at
the judge. He smiled, "But the good thing is that he paid me when we
finished – so we can pay another bill. How are the finances?"
"The usual. You'll have to ask for more clients to pay up front, otherwise
we can't afford to stay at that office."
"I'll try."

They were seated in the same bar as when they had first met. It had changed
hands in the past year and the new owners had refurbished it into a more
cheerful, contemporary style. The usual patrons had left and found a
different bar that suited their needs and the law students had practically
taken over. Its location was convenient for Rebecca who lived nearby with
her Grandfather.

Rebecca downed her beer and announced that she had to go. Bobby watched her
leave, his eyes wandering around the room. College kids were packed into
booths along one wall, screeching endlessly about their tortuous lives. He
smiled as he heard one girl complain of the workload she had that semester.

"How am I going to find time for parties as well as finish the year with
honors?" she agonised noisily to her friends.
Bobby decided it was time to find a new bar and finished his beer. He found
himself following a tall man out of the bar and realised that it was
Eugene, the lawyer that he had seen that day.
"Eugene!?" Bobby exclaimed in surprise. "I'm Bobby Donnell, I was
representing Nicholas Friedman in court today."
"Oh, hi" Eugene responded, shaking Bobby's hand.
"I meant to introduce myself earlier, but I had to meet another client. I
haven't seen you before, are you new in town?"
"No, I haven't been in court much – I work for a small firm, but do mostly
paperwork and research for the other lawyers. I've been considering leaving
for a while, and today has been a catalyst. It made me remember how much I
love to be in court."
"Well give me a call. I work for myself and have got so much work I need
another set of hands to help with the overflow." He handed Eugene his card.

"I'll do that, thanks." Eugene folded himself into the cab that pulled up
beside them.

      *       *       *

"Bobby there's a lawyer called Eugene Young here to see you."
"Oh. Do I have time?"
"You're due in Hiller's chambers in an hour."
"Thanks Bec, send him in."

Eugene got straight to the point when he entered Bobby's office.
"I've spent all weekend discussing this with my wife. I'm wondering what
sort of job you could offer me?"
"We really need another lawyer here but we can't afford much. I was
thinking that we could operate separately, but share the office and Rebecca
– my secretary. You take on any cases that you want to and take my overflow
and pay a certain percentage to me for our overheads. We can work like that
for the time being and if we succeed we can re-evaluate the situation and I
may be able to offer you a proper salary."
"I'll talk it over with my wife and call you tonight."
"Great, thanks."

Bobby walked him out and without revealing Eugene's impending employment to
Rebecca he left for court. Judge Hiller had become a favourite of Bobby's,
he respected her for her fairness and strict application of the law; she
was never blinded by the influence of the media and served justice as it
should be served. Lawyers, criminals and other judges alike feared her and
seemed to lose all confidence when they appeared before her. Bobby knocked
on the door and entered her chambers; the district attorney was already
seated nervously and welcomed Bobby's appearance ecstatically, he was
anxious to get the ordeal over with. Bobby noticed this and moved more
slowly and calmly, greeting Judge Hiller and the DA before sitting and
getting comfortable in the chair. He looked up and waited for judge Hiller
to begin.
"Thank you for coming so promptly. I have had the great fortune of
receiving the Dobson case," she began with a hint of sarcasm. "And without
further ado, I'd like to set some ground rules." Bobby and the DA nodded
agreeably. "Firstly, Mr. Donnell, I understand you have filed a motion to
dismiss these charges and I'll look at the evidence tomorrow at nine am. If
this goes to trial, I am placing a gag order on both of you. No talking to
the press from now until the completion of the trial, understand? I had the
pleasure of residing over a case similar to this and it was decided on
appeal that the jury was contaminated by pre-trial media attention -
specifically an interview with the DA. That DA happened to be you, Mr.
Lawrence, and I will not allow that to happen again. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Your Honor," he mumbled.
"Mr. Donnell?"
"I have no problems with that Your Honor."
"Good. I'll see you tomorrow. Don't be late."

Bobby arrived back at the office in time to receive a phone-call from
Eugene Young. Bobby answered and smiled as Rebecca watched him
suspiciously.
"Yes…I'll arrange a desk and phone for you…okay…I'll sign it tomorrow and
we can go from there…Great…See you then."
"What's going on?" Rebecca demanded.
"Did you like Eugene Young?"
"I didn't really get to know him, but yes, he seemed a nice guy."
"He's starting work here tomorrow."
"Are you crazy?! We have no money, Bobby. You can hardly afford me, let
alone another lawyer! Are you trying to send us bankrupt?"
"Not us, Bec. I'm sending me bankrupt. We have worked out an arrangement
where he will take on cases that I don't have time for as well as any he
brings in and he will pay us a percentage of his earnings. I think it will
work out and it will mean more business for the firm."
"I still think it's stupid." She insisted stubbornly
"Please…just bear with me here, Rebecca."
"Okay…I'll arrange a desk and a phone. I don't know what you'd do without
me."
"Neither do I. Thanks Bec."

     *       *       *

Eugene looked at the door apprehensively. His acceptance of this job seemed
rushed and he wasn't sure whether he was doing the right thing. The
argument he had had with Sharon the night before rang in his ears.
"I need to be happy, Sharon," he had implored desperately. "This job is
killing me. I hate it."
"We can't afford to be happy in our jobs," she had cried.
"We used to be happy, Sharon, even without money."
"Do you want your child to starve?" she had yelled.
Their voices echoed through the house until a whimpering arose form the
next room.
"Now look what you've done!" Sharon whispered accusingly and rushed to
comfort their chid.
Eugene had watched her cradle the boy in her arms and turned away. For him,
happiness was much more important than money and he had thought that she
felt the same way. They had met when he was in college and she was a
waitress at the local college hangout. She had spilled a tray of drinks
onto his lap and had been mortified, offering to do anything for him as an
apology. With his friends grinning, he asked her out on a date and they
were married 6 months later. He remembered the wedding day with a smile -
it had poured with rain and the outdoor wedding had to moved inside.
Desperate to have the ceremony continue, they moved it to the restaurant
where they had met and danced the night away. Eugene had been certain as
they danced on the linoleum floor that he could hold her in his arms
forever. Four years later, they had a child and a marriage that was wilting
like a week old bouquet.

He finally found the courage to enter the office and opened the door
cautiously to find Rebecca smiling welcomingly at him. She gave him the
grand tour and showed him where his desk was. Bobby came in minutes later
to find them chatting superficially about their lives, as people do when
they first meet. Eugene saw Bobby and rubbed his hands together, "Is there
anything I can do?"
"Well, I have a murder trial beginning next week and need some help."
Eugene felt his insides contract…paperwork again. He had changed jobs to
get away from that aspect of the law. Bobby saw his discomfort and decided
to find him some more meaningful cases.
"I'd also like a second chair for this trial, if you don't mind. I haven't
had time to really research the detective, so if you'd like to cross
examine him…"
"Where's the file?" Eugene asked eagerly.
Rebecca handed it to him and Bobby watched as Eugene devoured the file,
making notes on a legal pad beside him. Rebecca sent an approving look to
Bobby and he shut himself into his office a happy man.

     *       *       *

Eugene strode into court a week later and confidently proceeded to attack
the detective with a zeal he hadn't felt in a long time. Judge Hiller gave
Bobby a curious look, wondering where he had found this lawyer, but Eugene
didn't notice. He felt in his element as the detective squirmed under the
pressure and finally cracked. Sharon watched with disdain from the back of
the courtroom and left angrily at the first coffee break.

  *******************************************************

 END PART 3

 It's my birthday…feedback would be a great birthday present.

Title: In the Absence of Fear, part 4

Author: Alison (alleyb178@yahoo.com)

Author's note: I love procrastinating! I have a million assignments to do,
but suddenly felt my creative juices flowing, so HAD to finish this part of
the fanfic. This one is all about Ellenor. She hasn't joined the firm yet,
but be patient!

Disclaimer: See part 1

    **********************************************************

2 years later (6 years after the firm began)

Ellenor clutched her briefcase nervously, she could feel her hands sweating
and her heart reverberated noisily in her ears. *Don't blow this chance*
she told herself sternly. The taxi pulled up beside an impressive building
and she pulled herself together before entering the shining doors. The
woman at the front desk had her hair pulled harshly away from her face into
a bun. She eyed Ellenor's multiple earrings and flowing hair with disdain,
asking coldly, "May I help you?"
"I have an interview with Mr. Camden."
"Name?"
"Ellenor Frutt."
"From New York?"
"Yes."
"Sixth floor, turn left." She waved in the direction of the elevators.
"Thanks," Ellenor told her, but she was already busy with another inquiry.

Ellenor smiled at the man who was waiting in front of the elevators. He
glared back at her, "What are you staring at?"
"Nothing…I'm sorry."
He grunted in response and shoved his way through the exiting people,
pressing number six when he was inside.
"What number?" he asked grudgingly as she stood beside him.
"Six."
"I've already pressed six."
"I know, thank you. I'm here to see Mr. Camden."
He grunted again. Ellenor wondered how he was able to afford the suit he
was dressed in. It was obviously expensive. The doors dinged cheerfully and
they exited together, but the man turned right, leaving Ellenor to sigh
with relief. She introduced herself to another secretary outside the
impressive office of Mr. Donald W. Camden and was asked to take a seat,
while the secretary politely entered the office. Ellenor waited and waited
and waited. Finally she was asked to enter and she did so cautiously
finding a thin man with a badly receding hairline greeting her from behind
the desk. He asked her to sit down.
"Ms. Frutt. I hope you had a good flight."
"Yes. Thank-you Mr. Camden. It was fine."
She paused with horror as the man from the elevator entered from a side
door.
"And have you enjoyed your time here in Boston?"
"It's a beautiful city…" she replied distractedly.
"I bet the people are a lot nicer than you're used to!" He laughed,
thinking of his experiences with New Yorkers. Ellenor stole a glance at the
other man, who glared back.
"I haven't really met a lot of people yet," she told him diplomatically.
"Yes, yes. Now. What makes you think you'd be a good addition to this
firm?" he asked, settling into his role as the interviewer.
"Well, sir. I am a hard worker and I don't like to lose."
"Nobody likes to lose and I already have a firm full of hard workers.
What makes you different to the rest of them?"
"I have had the opportunity to clerk for lawyers in New York that
revolutionised the civil trial. I have had the opportunity to watch some of
the most talented lawyers at work and I believe that I can use that
experience to bring a refreshing viewpoint to civil cases here." He didn't
look convinced and in desperation, Ellenor added, "and I have a special
interest in criminal law."
"This is a civil firm. We don't take on criminal cases."
"I know that. But sometimes a knowledge of the practices of criminal
attorneys can often help with strategies in civil trials. Criminal
attorneys are renowned for their cross-examining and persuasive demeanour;
these are skills that are just as important in a civil trial as a criminal
one."
Mr. Camden nodded with assent, shooting an approving glance at the silent
man in the corner. He proceeded to question Ellenor on her background and
clerking experiences. The interview finally ended with Ellenor feeling that
she was in with a chance, Camden promised to call her the next day and
walked her to the elevator.

Ellenor waited by the phone all of the next day, certain that they would
give her the job, but it stubbornly refused to ring. She desperately wanted
to call the firm to ask whether they had lost her number, but was afraid
that she would look too desperate, so she slept fretfully that night and
made her way back to the firm the next day.
"Can I help you?" It was the same woman that had been there the day before.
Her clothes had changed but they gave the same impression.
Ellenor shuddered.
"I'm Ellenor Frutt. I was wondering whether I could talk to Mr. Camden?"
"Do you have an appointment?"
"No. I had an interview with him on Tuesday and he promised to call me, but
I haven't heard from him. I just wanted to see whether I got the job."
"Uh huh." She turned away and picked up the phone. "Hi Julia, its Francis
from downstairs. I have an Ellenor Frutt here who interviewed with Donald
on Tuesday. Has he said anything about whether she got the
job?…really?…okay…I'll tell her…thanks Jules."
The girl turned back to Ellenor. "I'm sorry, you didn't get the job."
Ellenor felt the contents of her breakfast rise as the disappointment hit
her. "Did he say why?" she whispered.
"I'm sorry. He just left a note for Julia to tell you."
"Can I talk to him?"
"No, he flew out to Chicago today for a trial."
"Oh."
The woman saw Ellenor's pale face and felt sorry for her. "Look. Julia did
say something that she overheard Charles Green say to Donald, but it's
confidential. She'd get fired if anyone found out that she was listening."
"What did he say?"
"I'm only going to tell you so that maybe…well…so that you can find a job
more easily."
"What did he say?" Ellenor whispered.
"Charles didn't want to hire you because of your weight."
"Because of my weight?" Ellenor's eyes flashed like lightning bolts in a
grey storm cloud and she marched away stiffly, trying desperately to hold
back the downpour of tears.
"Yes. I'm sorry. But please don't tell anyone!" the woman called
desperately.

Ellenor marched out of the office and it was only when she was safely in a
taxi that she allowed the tears to flow. She had been fighting for people's
acceptance since she was a girl. No matter how well she proved herself
academically, people continued to discount her talent because of her
appearance and she was so tired of it. The depression that had been
threatening to cloud her life now fell heavily around her like a London
fog. She made her way straight to her room at the hotel room and clawed her
way through the yellow pages until she came upon a list of attorneys.

Across town…

"Donnell and Associate." Rebecca shouted down the line. Bobby and Eugene
were celebrating their latest win in the background and she found it hard
to hear what the woman on the other end was saying. Eugene was suddenly
quiet, "It's not Sharon, is it?" he whispered worriedly.
Rebecca shook her head and told the person on the other end, "Sure, you can
come in now. Bobby Donnell is free all afternoon...okay, we'll see you
soon."
"Who was that?" Bobby asked curiously.
"Some woman who wants to sue some company. I found it hard to hear her with
all the shouting in the background." Rebecca said pointedly.
"Sorry. It's been a good day." Bobby smiled broadly,thinking back on the
moment when the jury read the verdict. He thoght about his clients
amazement when he found that he was free even though he had confessed to
the crime.
"Well maybe you should celebrate tonight, go out on a date. That woman from
the courthouse, Diane, has been calling all week."
"I don't like being set up, Bec. You know I don't." Bobby complained.
"Bobby, I don't understand you. You have women practically climbing through
the windows to go out on a date with you and you continue to ignore them.
One date won't hurt."
"I would rather find my own dates. And who are you to talk? You haven't
been out on a date for months. Have you heard of the pot calling the kettle
black?"
"I've been out on dates…" Rebecca trailed off, realising that he was right.

Their affectionate bickering was interrupted by the entrance of a woman
whose eyes were red from crying. She squinted through the tears and made
her way to Rebecca's desk.
"Hi…I'm Ellenor Frutt. I just called."
"Yes, of course, I'm Rebecca and this is Bobby Donnell, he'll be handling
your case. Would you like a tissue?" Rebecca passed her a Kleenex.
"Thanks."
"Come into my office, Ms. Frutt." Bobby ushered her through the door and
sat down behind his desk.
"Rebecca says you would like to sue someone?"
"Yes."
"Well, first I have to say that we are predominantly criminal lawyers,
though we do take on some civil cases."
"That's fine, these guys are criminals in my eyes...I applied for a job
here in Boston and today found out why I didn't get the job. So I want to
sue them."
"You can't just sue them for not giving you a job."
"I want to sue them for discrimination. They refused me the job because of
my weight,"
"Which company?"
"Its a law firm...Camden and Green."
"Camden and Green?!" Bobby almost fell off his chair. "But they're one of
the most prestigious firms in Boston!"
"I know. They decided not to hire me because of…because of my weight."
"You're a lawyer?"
"I graduated this year."
"Wow. Do you have proof?"
"The secretary overheard the two partners talking. One partner told the
other not to hire me because I'm too fat."
"Which partner?"
"Charles Green."
"Charles Green was the inspiration for all lawyer jokes," Bobby
acknowledged.
Ellenor smiled at this and developed an instant liking for Bobby.
"Why do they bury lawyers 10 feet under? Because deep down they're good."
Ellenor joked.
"What's the difference between a prostitute and a lawyer?" Bobby asked in
return. "A prostitute stops screwing you when you're dead."
Ellenor laughed, "I'll have to remember that one!"
Bobby turned serious. "Ellenor, you don't have much of a chance with these
guys. They are the best in civil law and they will end your career before
it's begun. Unless the secretary is willing to testify, which I seriously
doubt, you have no proof that this was the reason that they decided not to
hire you."
"I could talk to the secretary."
"I don't think that would help. But if you really want to pursue this, then
I'll arrange to meet with Camden, at least he's more decent than Green."
"I really want to pursue this. I have been discriminated against my whole
life and its time to tell people that they can't get away with it."
"Obviously you're not going to want to work for them, so I guess I should
be asking for a settlement?"
"A settlement or I'll take them to court."
"Okay," Bobby sighed. "Leave your details with Rebecca and I'll call you
after I talk to Camden."
"Thanks…Bobby." Ellenor felt unsure about using his first name, but it also
felt right.
"No problem."

Ellenor felt refreshed when she left the office and wandered her way
through the city, which really looked like a beautiful place to live. She
found herself buying a newspaper and perusing the ads for apartments for
rent, circling some with a borrowed pen. She called her sister when she
returned to the hotel, breaking down and revealing her whole horrible
experience.
"Ellie, sue the bastards," Susan exploded vehemently. Ellenor enjoyed her
sister's rage, and found herself getting angry all over again.
"Bobby…the lawyer I met with today-"
"First name basis already?" Susan hinted suggestively.
Ellenor ignored her, "He was actually very encouraging, but said that
unless the woman testified, I had no chance."
"But he's going to meet with them, right?"
"Yeah…hopefully soon, because I can't afford to stay in this place for much
longer. I'll have to find an apartment or something."
"You actually want to stay there?"
"I like it here, and I figure there are a lot of firms that might hire me."

"But I'll miss you!"
"I know, Susie, I'll miss you too. But with Mom and Dad…I need to get
away."
"They're kind of suffocating," Susan admitted.
"I'll call tomorrow. This 
phone bill
 is going to cost me a fortune!"
"Love you," Susan called.
"Love you too." Ellenor replied.

She lay on the bed, thinking about her younger sister. They had always been
close – united by a common goal to escape from the suffocating grip that
their loving parents had upon them. Susie was in high school and continued
to struggle to be allowed to go to parties and dances; she often called
Ellenor to complain. The phone startled Ellenor and she picked it up
nervously.
"Hello?"
"Ellenor?"
"Yes."
"This is Bobby Donnell. I was eventually able to talk to Camden's secretary
and have arranged for an appointment. It's tomorrow at 10 am. Can you meet
me there?" His tone suggested that he had acheived a very difficult feat.
"I thought Camden was in Chicago."
"He gets back this afternoon."
"Okay. I'll see you there."
"Great!"

      *       *       *

The next morning, Bobby marched into the foyer with Ellenor in tow,
demanding to see Camden. The man that was sitting at the desk cowered and
waved to the elevators. Ellenor hurried after Bobby, whispering that the
woman was gone. They were met by another woman at Camden's office – she had
been warned by the man downstairs and was prepared for them.
"Mr. Donnell, I'm afraid Mr. Camden is in a meeting. He will talk to you
when he's finished. He apologises for any inconvenience."
Bobby sat down and Ellenor followed his cue. She whispered again that this
was a different woman to the one who had overheard the comments made by
Green.
"Maybe they found out?" Bobby suggested.
"But how?"
"Maybe the women were struck with a guilty conscience?"
"Unlikely – they would lose their jobs."
"It makes it easier for us, though – they'd be more willing to testify now
that they're not actually working here."
They waited outside the office for fifteen minutes before Bobby exploded.
He strode past the secretary and entered the office where Charles Green and
Donald Camden were deep in conversation.
"Excuse me! We are in an important meeting here!" Camden exclaimed
indignantly.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Camden. I am Bobby Donnell. My client and I have been
waiting for more than fifteen minutes to talk to you. If you don't see us
now, we'll have to take more severe action."
Camden looked amused, but Green was outraged.
"Ask your client to come in, Mr. Donnell." Camden soothed.
Ellenor entered and saw that the expressions on the faces of the men didn't
change – they knew. She and Bobby sat down, she could see that Bobby was
nervous, but determined not to show it in front of these men.
"Mr. Camden," he began, purposely ignoring Green, which made Green even
more furious. "My client, Ellenor Frutt, has learned that she was refused a
position in your firm because of her weight. This is blatant
discrimination, and we are seeking compensation from your firm."
Camden feigned surprise, "Mr. Donnell, the issue of your clients appearance
had no bearing on our decision not to hire her. We didn't offer Ms. Frutt a
position in our firm because our research division found many
irregularities in her past and we decided, based on this information, that
she was completely unsuitable for this job." Donald Camden's reply was
smooth and calm. Green looked more relaxed and was even smiling faintly.
Bobby saw Ellenor's outraged expression and gave her a warning look.
"We have witnesses that overheard you and Mr. Green talking about Ms. Frutt
and they say that the reason that was given was because of her weight."
"Bring these witnesses to us, and maybe we could resolve this issue."
"These women work for your firm: they are secretaries here, Francis and
Julia. Perhaps you could call them up and we can talk to them."
"Unfortunately, the women in question has been transferred to another
office."
"Surely you know where they have been transferred to?"
"I'm sorry, I don't."
"Perhaps we could talk to co-workers to find out where they have gone?"
"No, that would disrupt their work. This issue is closed, Mr. Donnell. I
suggest you return to your criminal clients and stop playing this game at
being a civil lawyer."
Bobby ignored the insult and looked sharply at both men. "This issue is not
closed and will not be closed until you admit culpability. We will be
filing our suit this afternoon, don't let it get lost with all the
"thank-you" cards that I'm sure you receive." Bobby stormed out of the
office to the great amusement of the two men that were in the office.
Ellenor followed more slowly, but with the same amount of anger, turning to
look at the men before she left.
"You won't get away with this," she warned.

END PART 4
Title : In the Absence of Fear, part 5
Author: Alison (alleyb178@yahoo.com)
Author's note: This part is a continuation from the last one – Ellenor is
fighting against a firm that wouldn't hire her and Eugene is coming to
terms with the end of his marriage. It is set approximately 6 years after
Bobby began the firm.
Disclaimer: See part 1.

**************************************************************

Sharon glared accusingly at her husband's back, which was angrily heading
out the door. The door slammed shut with finality and Sharon collapsed onto
the couch in tears, sobbing into the cushion. 'Why can't he see my point of
view?' she despaired. He had become so shut off emotionally since he had
started the new job and she could see in his face that he hated
representing the scum in court. She couldn't understand why he couldn't
just go back to his old job – it was much more secure and morally
acceptable. Sharon dried her eyed hurriedly when Kendall wandered into the
living room, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He could see that his mother had
been crying and so he handed her the tissue box, which caused the tears to
flow again. He sat beside her and waited for her to become his Mom again,
rather than this tear producing zombie that ordered him to clean up his
room. Eugene waited outside until he heard the crying stop. He walked
slowly away, taking measured steps as if to pretend that everything was
normal in his life. The joy at winning the day before had peeled away and
all that was left was the old surface of resentment between him and Sharon.
She had accused him of hating his job, saying that the criminals were
eating away at his soul, he had called her paranoid and things had gone
downhill from there.

Bobby greeted him cheerfully and Eugene felt a wave of jealousy at Bobby's
single status.
"Ready for another day of battle?" Bobby asked, still smiling from the
previous day's win.
"Remind me what we have today." Eugene replied tiredly.
"A couple of appointments with some new clients."
"Drug dealers?" Eugene asked despondently.
"Yeah…is something wrong?"
"No, I'm just tired."
The door opened and Bobby turned expectantly. Rebecca walked in, closely
followed by the other new client, Ellenor Frutt.
"I have a friend who's looking for a roommate, I could call her for you?"
Rebecca suggested.
"No, I'd rather find a place on my own. But the problem is, I won't be able
to afford much."
"Ask Bobby – he's the king of finding cheap real estate."
"Hey!" Bobby protested.
"You know it's true." Rebecca said pointedly.
"Are you thinking of moving here?" Bobby asked Ellenor.
"I really like the city and I'm sure that not all firms are as prejudiced
as Camden and Green." Ellenor replied.
Eugene appeared from Bobby's office and quickly introduced himself to
Ellenor, before disappearing out the door.
"You're pretty busy around here aren't you?" Ellenor asked Bobby, watching
Eugene's departing figure. Bobby was troubled by Eugene's demeanour, and
didn't hear her question. Rebecca answered it for him.
"We get kind of crazy at times, but today is actually pretty quiet."
"What?" Bobby asked distractedly.
"Go back to sleep, Bobby," Rebecca teased.
Ellenor watched the exchange between Rebecca and Bobby deciding that she
liked them more and more every time she saw them.
"Would you mind if I hang around here today?" she asked nervously.
"Here?" Bobby replied incredulously, unable to understand why anyone would
want to spend any time in his office.
"I have nothing else to do – and this would be more interesting than
visiting museums," Ellenor explained.
"Sure…but there's not much to do," he smiled mischievously. "You could help
Rebecca file – she loves filing."
Rebecca swatted him, "Or you could clean up Bobby's office – Bobby is a
firm believer in working in a tidy environment," she countered.
Ellenor smiled, "I don't mind what I do. I just want to help."
"Fine – Rebecca can put you to work. I have a meeting to get to."

*       *       *

The gates buzzed and clanged shut behind Eugene as he made his way through
the jail. He finally came to the cell of one of the firm's oldest clients,
a drug dealer that Bobby had represented countless times. The man was lying
on the bed with his eyes closed.
"Doug," Eugene called.
Doug raised his head and squinted at Eugene, "Hey Eugene. Where's Bobby?"
"He's in meetings all day today. Your arraignment is at two, so I need to
ask you some questions."
"The police raided my house, Eugene. I had no warning. They found a pound
of dope and some Ecstasy."
"Some?"
"500 tablets."
"Okay. You say that they raided you. Did they have a warrant?"
"Of course they did – they're not as stupid as they were last time."
"What time did they raid?"
"Eleven pm last night."
"Who tipped them off?"
"I sold some Ecstasy to a kid. His mother found it and the kid told her my
name. I could kill her," he spat.
Eugene shook his head at this, "You sold ecstasy to a kid? How old was he?"

"About thirteen."
"Thirteen? How could you…?" he trailed off, hoping that the future would be
smooth for Kendall.
"The cigarette companies pride themselves on hooking kids early, so why
should I be any different?" Doug whined.
Eugene suddenly couldn't stand the man any longer and finished the meeting.

"I'll see you at the arraignment." He called as he headed out of the cell
and down the hallway. When he was finally in his car, Eugene leaned his
head on the steering wheel and let Sharon's words echo through his
consciousness. "They'll kill you in the end, Eugene. You won't let yourself
see how they are eating away at your soul." He had blocked her words out
when she had said them, but now he accepted that she was right. He hated
these people, he hated that Doug was so complacent about selling drugs to
children, that the criminal they had represented the day before had shown
no remorse for his crime. Eugene drove morosely back to the office, trying
desperately to remember something in this job that he liked.

Ellenor was sitting in the corner, filing papers and chatting happily with
Rebecca when Eugene walked into the office. It was the sight of Ellenor
that reminded Eugene of the prime reason he stuck with this job and that
was representing innocents. Ellenor was an innocent caught up in a nasty
cover-up by a big firm. Eugene fought for these people. He smiled now and
picked up his phone messages from Rebecca.

The sunset was casting a pink glow over the buildings when Ellenor finally
left the office. It made the city seem magical, "Abracadabra," she
whispered to herself. It was as if the city had suddenly been transformed
from hostile to a friendly one with job opportunities.

Eugene watched the sunset as if mesmerised, he was seated at his desk,
waiting for Bobby to return. Rebecca watched him with a smile on her face,
she could see that Eugene was distracted – he had been for a long time now
and she had a fairly good idea what was bothering him.
"Want to talk about it?" she asked finally, her voice reverberating through
the silence that had descended around them.
"About what?" Eugene asked innocently.
"Whatever's bothering you."
"Nothing's bothering me." Eugene replied, still trying to dodge the
interrogation.
"Cut the crap, Eugene," Rebecca ordered, sick of this game. "How's Sharon?"

Eugene sighed and shook his head sadly, "I think it's finished, Rebecca."
"I'm so sorry." Rebecca replied softly, waiting for him to continue.
"We act like strangers when we're together…the only thing that we have in
common is Kendall." Tears formed in Eugene's eyes. "She doesn't value my
wellbeing at all. I like my job, but she finds it repulsive. She thinks
that it is more important to have money than be happy and I can see in her
eyes that she doesn't value my happiness because *she* hasn't felt happy in
a long time…it's over."
"What about marriage counselling?"
"No," he replied emphatically.
Bobby walked in after another successful day. He handed Rebecca a wad of
cash, which she accepted with surprise.
"What's this?" she asked.
"Payment up front from Kevin Spencer."
"Is it drug money?" Rebecca asked disdainfully, holding the wad from the
corner as though it might magically transfer the drugs into her
bloodstream.
"Probably." Bobby replied casually. He looked at Eugene who was watching
the sunset again. He turned quizzically at Rebecca, who smiled sadly in
response.
"How did the arraignment go, Eugene?" Bobby asked neutrally.
"I convinced Doug to take a plea. There weren't any loopholes this time."
"Sentencing?"
"In two weeks."
Rebecca stood up and stretched. "I'd like to hang around and chat, but I
have a date."
"A date!?" Bobby exclaimed.
"Why's that such a shock, Bobby Donnell?"
"You haven't had a date in months!"
"Thanks for reminding me."
"Who is it?"
"Just a guy…"
"Which guy?"
"Someone I met last night. He seemed nice and so we arranged to have dinner
tonight. I have to go home and change. So I'll see you tomorrow." She
rushed out of the office, preventing further questions.
Bobby looked at Eugene, still surprised. Eugene ignored him and continued
to stare out the window.
"Everything okay, Eugene?" he asked carefully.
"Fine." Eugene replied distantly.
"How's Sharon?"
"That's what Rebecca asked."
"Well how is she?"
"She's not happy. I'm not happy. I'm going to…I think I'll mention divorce
papers tonight," he looked at his hands.
"Oh, Eugene…" Bobby mumbled sympathetically.
"How do you bring up the subject of divorce?" Eugene asked rhetorically.
"There must be some book written about bringing up the issue…but how do you
go about it?" he shook his head sadly.
"Not that I have any experience with divorce," Bobby began carefully. "But,
I think in some cases, talking about it can be a relief to both partners."
"I'm more worried that she'll be happy. I don't want her to be happy that
we're separating."
"I know Sharon, I don't think that she'll be glad."
"I know…don't ever get married, Bobby," Eugene advised him.
They both
stood, feeling awkward. Eugene lifted his hand in goodbye and walked
silently out of the office, like a man carrying his cross to his death.

The apartment seemed empty when Eugene unlocked the door. Sharon must have
gone to her mother's, he decided. He opened the door to their bedroom and
turned on the light. The two figures on the bed gasped and one of them
leapt out and pushed past Eugene, before Eugene even realised fully what
had happened. He turned to look at Sharon, expecting remorse from her, but
instead he saw a coldness he had never seen before.
"You made me do it," she whispered and fled to the bathroom.

*       *       *

"Did you talk to Sharon?" Bobby asked two days later, after calling Eugene
into his office.
"Yeah…she agreed to a divorce." Eugene replied, not wanting to reveal
exactly what had happened.
"I'm so sorry, Eugene."
"I'm fine. You were right – I am relieved that we have made the decision."
"You can take a few days off if you like." Bobby suggested generously.
"I'm fine, Bobby. Work will be good for me."

*       *       *

Ellenor came in at lunchtime, apologising that she wasn't there earlier.
"Are we paying her?" Bobby whispered to Rebecca jokingly.
Rebecca simply laughed in response. Ellenor continued talking, oblivious to
the exchange between Bobby and Rebecca.
"The apartment is great. The neighbourhood isn't that safe, but I'll be
fine. The good thing is that it comes with some furniture and my new
neighbours are really helpful."
"That's great, Ellenor."
"I moved in last night, but I have to go back to the hotel to pick up a
jacket I left there, so I won't be able to stay today. I also have to do
some shopping."
"That's fine, Ellenor. You don't have to come in every day," Bobby said
gently.
"I like coming here." Ellenor replied.
"But you don't work here!" Rebecca teased her.
"Not yet…" Ellenor joked back, trying to cover the hope that she was
feeling. But she was let down when Bobby said nothing and headed back to
his office. Ellenor left the office feeling despondent.

"Hi, I'm Ellenor Frutt. I left a jacket in my hotel room last night and I
was wondering whether I could pick it up?"
"Oh yes. There was also a phone message for you this morning, Ms. Frutt.
Please wait here."
She returned after a short time with the jacket and a slip of paper.
Ellenor looked at the paper curiously, expecting to see her sister's name.
What she saw shocked her, and without as much as a goodbye, she rushed out
of the hotel and back to the office. She burst into Bobby's office
breathlessly. Rebecca followed her in curiously.
"She called…the secretary…from Camden…and Green…she called!" Ellenor
yelled, still catching her breath.
"She did!? That's great!" Bobby replied. He snatched the paper away from
Ellenor and proceeded to examine it. Without another word he picked up the
phone and called the number.
"Julia Harrison? This is Bobby Donnell. I am representing Ellenor Frutt in
the matter against Camden and Green. We believe you have some information
to share with us?…that is great!…okay, can you come in today?" he nodded
enthusiastically at Ellenor and Rebecca. "Great! I'll see you then. Bye."
He smiled broadly at the two women. "She was transferred to Chicago. She
hated it there and quit, so she wants to stick it to Camden and Green!"
"I can't believe it," Ellenor, whispered.
"Believe it. She'll be here in an hour!"
Bobby and Rebecca grinned at Ellenor, who was still trying to take it all
in.
"I think I'll go shopping tomorrow," Ellenor decided.
"You'll probably have more money tomorrow!" Bobby joked.
A smile spread over Ellenor's face, "I probably will!" Her life was finally
beginning.

*********************************************************************

I hope you liked it. The next part will be finished soon, I promise!



Title: In the Absence of Fear, part 6
Author: Alison (alleyb178@yahoo.com)
Author's note: This part follows the last two. It is set 6 years after
Bobby joined the firm, and some might be pleased to know that Lindsay makes
another brief appearance in this instalment.  Feedback, good or bad, is
always welcomed.
Disclaimer: See part one

********************************************************

The woman entered the office tentatively, glancing around with distaste.
She saw Rebecca and gave a tight smile, "Hi, I'm Julia Harrison. I just
received a call from…uh…Bobby Donnell?"
"Yes, you can go right in. He's waiting for you." Rebecca opened Bobby's
door and ushered her in. Her smile became more genuine when she saw Bobby,
feeling instantly attracted to him. He saw this and smiled warmly back.
Ellenor waited for the moment to pass, and when it didn't she cleared her
throat and introduced herself.
"I'm Ellenor Frutt. Thank you so much for calling me. How did you find out
where I was staying?"
"I was meant to call you to tell you that you didn't get the job, but I
forgot. I'm so sorry. Anyway, when they told me to leave, I packed all my
things and that sheet of paper got packed in accidentally. I had no idea
that you were taking action against Camden and Green. I called you because
I was going to suggest that you sue them. They're arrogant bastards who
ruined my life."
"Ms. Harrison, how did Camden and Green find out that you were
eavesdropping?" Bobby asked.
"It was Francis' fault. Charles Green was passing through the foyer when
Francis told Ms. Frutt the reason why she wasn't hired. Charles heard
Francis call out "Don't tell anyone" and basically interrogated her until
she revealed what had been said. She was fired and I was transferred that
night."
Bobby shook his head with amazement.
"I'm going to record this interview, if you don't mind. I'll start now…Ms.
Harrison, could you state your name and address and the reason why you are
here?"
Ellenor watched the woman, her saviour, begin the interview. Camden and
Green couldn't ignore this, she decided.

   *    *    *

Bobby set the tape recorder on Charles Green's desk. He looked at it
scornfully and waited for Bobby to proceed. Ellenor watched silently,
trying not to grin. The voice jumped out of the recorder, unmistakably the
voice of Julia Harrison. They watched Green's face change from red to
white. He jumped to his feet.
"This is a fake. You can't trick us, Mr. Donnell."
"This is not a fake. I can prove it."
Green's face turned whiter. He wished Camden were here to deal with this
irritating lawyer. Bobby opened the door and held it open for Julia. At the
sight of her, Green became enraged, "How dare you waltz in here and make
these demands! Your so called proof consists of an incompetent  and
talkative secretary who can't keep her mouth shut and a vengeful woman.
This wouldn't stand up in any court in the country. So get out. If you try
to come here again, I'll have security throw you out!" His final words were
screamed at the three people in his office, a huge vein was pulsating as if
threatening to erupt.

Bobby made motions to the women that they should go. He turned just before
he left and said casually to a still furious Green, "Oh by the way…I have a
friend who works at the Boston Globe. He would be very interested to hear
about the cover up and discrimination at Boston's largest and arguably,
most prestigious, law firm. If we don't hear anything from you by this
afternoon, we'll be calling him."
"That's blackmail," Green said murderously
"Is it? I'm just a lowly criminal lawyer, I wouldn't know."
"You won't get away with this!"
"This afternoon. Don't forget." Bobby called as he left the office, feeling
the adrenaline rush through his veins. It was a high that he had never
achieved before. Ellenor and Julia had heard the exchange and were
grinning, excited about going back to the office and waiting for the call
to come through.
"Camden is going to kill Charles Green for losing his temper like that!"
Julia confided cheerfully. "He was always telling Charles that more can be
achieved by staying calm, but Green thinks that people will be scared by
his anger. He was wrong this time!" Bobby laughed and headed for the
elevator. They all crowded in and gleefully left the offices of Camden and
Green.

    *    *    *

Bobby appeared at the door. He had been on the phone for half an hour and
Ellenor was getting sick of waiting. "$90,000. Sealed. You sign a document
saying that you will never  apply for a position there and that you will
never say anything about the settlement."
"$90,000?!" Ellenor exclaimed. It was much more than she had expected.
"Do you agree to the terms?"
"Of course I do. When do I get the money?"
"We have to sign the documents, but you'll probably get it soon. We will
unfortunately have to take our contingency and costs. You'll be left with
about $58,000."
"You take that much?"
"Contingency is 30%."
"No wonder so many lawyers are rich." Ellenor grumbled.
"Do we look rich to you, Ellenor?"
"No…thank you. I couldn't have done it without you. And $58,000 is much
more than I expected." Ellenor confessed.
Rebecca realised that the firm had just won more than $30,000 and wondered
what the electricity and phone companies were going to say when she paid
the bills on time for once. Bobby left to seal the deal and returned
shortly to announce that the documents were being couriered over by Camden
and Green. Bobby decided that they should all celebrate the win and ushered
everybody out to their favourite bar, where he and Rebecca had first met.
Julia declined, saying that she had other plans. Bobby found himself
disappointed that she wasn't going to join them.

   *    *    *

They had been celebrating for over an hour and Ellenor finally decided that
it was now or never.
"Bobby," she began nervously. He looked at her expectantly. "I've been
wanting to ask you this for a while, but…well I've been kind of nervous
about it…" she trailed off, suddenly regretting that she had begun.
"What is it Ellenor?" Bobby encouraged her.
"Well…I was going to ask you for a job," now that she had begun,
Ellenor rushed forwards, not wanting Bobby to say anything until she had
finished. "You see, I love Boston and I have found an apartment and I was
going to start looking for a job this week. But then I thought, why not ask
you? You're obviously busy and I could do a lot of research and handle the
smaller cases and I get along with you and Rebecca and Eugene…well, what do
you say?"
Bobby looked at her thoughtfully, "You're not going to sue me if I say no,
are you?" he asked jokingly.
"Maybe," she replied.
He turned to Eugene who was sitting beside him, sipping a coke. "Do you
think we need another lawyer, Eugene?"
"I could use a hand with some of my cases. Our hours seem to have been
getting longer and longer lately, not that I have a family to get back to
anymore…" he trailed off and looked into his coke. He had moved out of
their apartment that morning, feeling that it was only fair that Sharon
stay there with Kendall. She had fleetingly suggested fighting for sole
custody of Kendall, but the issue was never raised again. Bobby and Ellenor
were suddenly at a loss for words, neither of them were sure what to say.
Rebecca arrived and sat next to Eugene, putting her hand comfortingly on
his arm. Bobby turned to Ellenor again, "How about we have a trial period
for three months and we'll review the situation again then?"
"That would be fine," Ellenor said excitedly. She couldn't believe that he
had actually said yes. Rebecca overheard the last part of their
conversation and smiled at Ellenor.
"Congratulations!" She said. "This is usually the time I swat Bobby for
taking on another employee when we have no money, but now we do have money.
I'll have to swat him when the money runs out."
"You don't swat me." Bobby rolled his eyes.
"You need it sometimes, Bobby. Trust me," replied Rebecca.
"How did your date go, by the way?" Bobby asked curiously.
Rebecca groaned, "It was horrible…this guy seemed normal when I met him the
night before, but on the date he was so boring.  We are complete opposites,
and we spent the whole night trying to find a common interest. I was glad I
could end it before it really started."
Eugene suddenly got up and left the bar, Bobby was about to follow him, but
Rebecca put a restraining hand on his arm. "Don't," she said. "He needs to
be alone and figure it out for himself. I'm just kicking myself for being
so tactless." She groaned. Ellenor looked uncomfortable and decided that
she was tired. She left soon after and Bobby looked at Rebecca, who was
also finishing her drink.
"So much for the celebration," Bobby said to her.
"I think Ellenor has had too much good news for one day. She's been hinting
at working for you for days now, but you were too blind to see it…as
usual."
"I had no idea." Bobby admitted.
"For someone who likes to pay so much attention to detail, you miss a lot."

"Thanks, Bec. I know I can always rely on you for an honest opinion."
"You're welcome." She downed her beer and stood to leave. "I'd better go,"
she announced. "See you on Monday."
"Bye." Bobby finished his beer and scanned the bar. He realised that there
were two women who were staring at him. They looked away when he met their
eyes.

"Well what do you think?"
"Helen! He looks much older than us." Lindsay recognised the man sitting at
the bar, but there was no way that she was going to tell Helen that. She
clearly remembered that day years ago when she had approached Bobby to
congratulate him on winning the murder trial. The day that she knew, deep
down, that she wanted to be a lawyer. She had met Helen at Harvard and they
soon became firm friends.
"Lindsay, you need to meet more men, Anyway, older usually means more
experience - that's what I want."
"Well, you have him then. Although, I must admit he *is* cute."
"Cute? You sound like a high-school cheerleader. He's gorgeous!"
They both giggled but stopped and turned away when he looked at them.
"Did he see us?" Lindsay whispered, still facing away.
"Of course he did. Oh look - he's leaving. You scared him away."
"Me? Why do I always get the blame?"
"Because I attract guys like a magnet. So if they leave, it must be your
influence."
"Ah, but magnets also repel each other if they are alike. Didn't you listen
to your science teacher in high school?"
"Oh, you're so clever. Why can't you have immature comebacks like regular
people?"
"Oh shut up!"
"That's better."
"I said shut up," Lindsay watched him walk out of the bar wistfully,
wishing that she had Helen's confidence with men. Helen had brought Lindsay
to the bar to find her a date for an upcoming party, but Lindsay just
couldn't seem to find the confidence to actually ask any of them out. As
she watched Bobby leave the bar, she wished that she had acted on Helen's
advice and approached him, but it was too late for that. Helen hit her on
the arm and gestured to an overweight elderly man sitting at the bar, which
caused Lindsay to laugh and Bobby heard it as the door closed behind him.
He was still concentrating on that tinkling laugh and beautiful face when
he bumped into someone waiting outside. "Bobby!" she exclaimed.
"Julia! What a surprise. Are you waiting for someone?"
"Actually, no. I had a blind date tonight and he stood me up. I'm waiting
for a taxi."
"It was probably a good thing he didn't turn up - blind dates can be
horrible."
She laughed, "Yeah…but I have an idea. Since I'm dressed up for a date, why
don't we have a coffee somewhere? Unless you're busy…"
"No, I'm not. Have you eaten?" Bobby asked.
"No," she admitted.
"Then perhaps I could take you out for dinner."
"That would be wonderful." A taxi finally pulled up and they both hopped
in. Lindsay and Helen emerged from the bar at that second, and Lindsay saw
Bobby getting into the cab with another woman. Lindsay felt a jealous
twinge and laughed at herself - she was jealous of a woman she had never
met because the woman was getting into a cab with a man Lindsay had met
once. She told herself to stop being silly. Helen watched the man as well.
"That could have been you," she told Lindsay.
"That's probably his wife," Lindsay replied.
"Or someone he just picked up. Oh well, we'll find you a man one day."
"Thanks Helen," Lindsay told her friend. She smiled and they began walking
down the street.
"That's what friends are for, Lindsay." Helen smiled back.

    *    *    *

Ellenor looked around her apartment, feeling blissful. She suddenly had
money and a job and an apartment…her life wasn't the failure that many
predicted it would be. She had proved them all wrong, she thought
gleefully. Ellenor stepped into the shower and felt the grime of the week
wash away. She couldn't wait to begin work and suddenly wondered if she was
supposed to start on Monday. Probably…she decided. Oh well…she'd turn up
whether they were going to pay her or not. The sheets welcomed her and she
fell into a deep, satisfied sleep.

**************************************************************

End part 6.
Title: In the Absence of Fear, part 7

Author: Alison (a.c.barker@student.murdoch.edu.au)

Author's note: Thanks for all the feedback so far! For those Lindsay fans,
it is finally her turn to shine. The next parts deal with Lindsay joining
the firm and I just want to say that I don't want
to take anything away from Jewel's fanfic, "Soulmates". I love her fanfic
but am just giving my version of how Lindsay came to work for Bobby and how
they came to sleep together. Jewel I mean you no disrespect! This fanfic is
basically the story of how all the lawyers came to work for DYD&F. Oh, and
if you haven't read the previous parts, this one won't make much sense - it
involves some past characters.

Disclaimer: Not my characters…no financial gain…they belong to ABC and
DEK…yada yada yada.

**********************************************************

3 year later (9 years after the firm began)

Bobby looked at himself in the mirror, seeing a tired and grungy face. The
mirror sneered at him with contempt…no that was his reflection, he
realised. He grimaced and concentrated on getting dressed. He didn't even
realise he wasn't alone until he saw the elegant arms reach around his
chest and straighten his tie. "You look tired, why don't you call in sick.
We could relax in bed for the whole day," she purred.
Bobby considered the suggestion, not daring to look at her shapely figure
for fear of being convinced that a day off was a good idea. "No. I can't,"
he told her decisively.
She pouted in response, "Bobby! We haven't spent any time together lately!"
she tossed her head and flounced into the kitchen.
"Julia!" Bobby called after her. "I'm in court today, I can't just throw it
all away because you're feeling neglected." He grimaced again, knowing that
was the wrong thing to say.
"I'm not a cat Bobby, you can't just pat me on the head and leave me. I
refuse to come second to your job!"
"No, you're not a cat, you're a bitch," Bobby grumbled to himself.
"What did you say?" She was suddenly behind him, standing in the doorway.
"Nothing," he said hurriedly, brushing past her, grabbing his coffee mug
from the kitchen bench.
"Did you call me a witch?" she demanded.
"No! I'm sorry Jules, I really can't stay home today." Witch is better than
bitch, he thought to himself, relieved.
"Well I'm sorry you find me so repelling, Bobby!" she flounced away again
and he soon heard the shower running.
Good, Bobby thought and hurriedly left the apartment.

Their relationship had begun so well, Bobby thought to himself as he made
his way to his car. There was a strong mutual attraction on both sides and
they had lived in bliss for the first 18 months. She had moved in soon
after and reality had embraced them bleakly. He had tried hard to accept
her obsession with shopping and appearance, he had tried hard to ignore her
contempt for his job and he had tried hard to spend as much time as he
could with her. And when she wasn't being superficial and snappy and
neglected, he actually liked her…a lot. The problem was that the times when
she wasn't superficial, snappy and neglected were fairly rare; in fact he
found himself liking her most when she was asleep. Rebecca nagged him
incessantly, telling him that he needed to see the truth about Julia - she
couldn't believe that after being so resistant to dating, Bobby was being
so stubborn about ending this relationship. Julia had been outright rude to
Rebecca and Ellenor when they had last met and since then, both women had
tried hard to convince Bobby that beauty was definitely only skin deep.

"How's the witch?" Ellenor asked cheerfully when he arrived at the office.
"Ellenor," he warned. "I would appreciate it if you could treat me with
some respect, am I asking too much?"
"Sorry, Bobby," she said meekly. "Are you ready for court?"
"Not really."
"I can't wait to show that bastard Green that he should have hired me!"
Ellenor said severely.
"This is going to be a long trial, Ellenor. I wouldn't get too excited just
yet," Bobby told her, secretly admiring her enthusiasm.
"They deserve to lose after what they did to Ellenor," Rebecca declared
from her desk, rallying behind Ellenor.
"It happened three years ago. I think it's time to forgive and forget!"
Bobby grumbled, not liking the alliance that had formed between Ellenor and
Rebecca. "Where's Eugene?" he asked.
"One of his clients was arrested last night. Glen Hadley. They're at the
police station."
"Tell him that I need to talk to him this afternoon. Thanks Bec." He opened
the door and headed to court, Ellenor following closely on his heels.

With Bobby's blissful relationship in full swing, a year had passed before
he had realised that he had intended to review Ellenor's employment after
the first three months. She had taken advantage of the memory loss and had
continued working happily, developing a reputation as being fairly ruthless
in the courtroom. He had shrugged his shoulders when he realised his error
and had mailed her a new contract with a pay-rise. She had arrived at work
the following week and handed him the signed contract, he had accepted it
and continued working, the whole incident occurring without a word uttered.
She had quietly returned to her desk and nothing had been said since.
"Do you think Green will have a second chair?" Ellenor asked.
"You know him better than I do," Bobby joked.
"Funny," she gave Bobby a dirty look.
"Yes, I think Green will have a second chair. He always needs someone
dispensable to blame if he loses the trial."

They met their client in front of the courthouse.
"Hello, Bobby." The elderly woman was holding a young girl's hand in a
vice-like grip, her knuckles white with the effort.
"Good morning, Mrs. Upjohn. Hi Sarah." Bobby smiled gently at the girl. She
had just turned eight and was staring glumly at her grandmother, wishing
that she could have her hand back.
"How long do you think this trial will last, Bobby?" Mrs. Upjohn asked
tremulously.
"It shouldn't last more than two weeks - they don't really have much
evidence, but they have a lot of experts, Sarah doesn't have to be here
every day, but I'd like the jury to see her regularly."
She nodded in agreement, "Would you believe that those horrible people
called me five times over the weekend to convince me to drop the case?"
"The lawyers or the insurance company?" Bobby asked incredulously.
"The lawyers. My daughter has just died and they think that I'll just give
up?" The old woman trembled with anger. Bobby thought of Mrs. Upjohn's
daughter with sadness.

The death had come as a surprise to everybody that knew Anna Logan. Her
ex-husband had finally moved interstate, her daughter was a happy,
well-adjusted child and fate seemed to be offering Anna the life she had
ardently wished for. The cancer had ravaged her body suddenly. It ate into
her breasts and soon found its way to her lungs; the doctors shook their
heads with disbelief and offered no hope of recovery. She had died 2 months
later. For a women that had fought so valiantly against every conceivable
hardship, she seemed to give up to the cancer much too quickly. Bobby and
Julia had visited her at her home, 3 days before her death. The nurse had
silently attended to IV fluids and morphine while Bobby sat with Anna.
Julia had left only minutes after their arrival, unable to watch the woman
fade away like a winter sunset. Sharp memories of his mother's death played
out in Bobby's mind as he sat with Anna, and he sat silently, knowing that
Anna would talk when she needed to. The nurse approached the bed and gently
brushed back Anna's hair - signalling silently that she was going to get a
coffee. Anna smiled, her face swollen from the steroids, not wishing to
talk. She had gripped Bobby's hand fiercely and had made him promise that
he would make sure that Sarah and her mother would have everything that
they needed. He had promised solemnly and soon left her bedside, knowing
that she was tired by the ordeal. Sarah had sat in a large armchair in a
corner, sullenly watching the scene, hating her mother and hating the
cancer. She glared accusingly at Bobby as he walked out of the room, hating
him for being so nice to her Mom. As far as she was concerned, the world
sucked.

Bobby assured Mrs. Upjohn that he'd talk to the judge about the obstruction
of justice, he glanced a disbelieving look at Ellenor. Surely Green wasn't
that stupid? He thought to himself - he could see Ellenor thinking the same
thing.

They took their seats and the judge was about to begin his spiel when Bobby
interrupted him.
"Your Honor, sidebar?" The judge looked at him quizzically. He gestured for
the attorneys to approach and listened hard when Bobby informed him of the
illegal phonecalls that had been made. Green looked smug but assured the
judge that he knew nothing about any contact with Mrs. Upjohn. The judge
called the elderly woman to approach and she did so nervously.
"Mrs. Upjohn, your lawyer informs me that you were contacted by the lawyers
from Camden and Green over the weekend?"
"Yes, sir. They called five times."
"And did they say that they were from the firm?"
"Yes, several times. They offered me money to drop the case."
"How much?"
"Five thousand dollars."
"You may sit down," the judge told Mrs. Upjohn.
"Your Honor, I have no idea what she is talking about! We wouldn't be so
stupid as to call the plaintiff the day before the trial!" Green was
furious, his young sidekick nodded his agreement, hoping that the judge
wouldn't ask him any questions about the matter. The judge turned to look
at him, "Mr. Goodall, do you know anything about this?"
"Um, no…sir." Goodall looked helplessly at Green, giving them away.
"Mr. Goodall, I'll ask you one more time. Do you know anything about this?"

"Um…I made the calls Your Honor."
"Who told you to make the calls?"
"Mr. Green."
"Did he?" The judge considered this and made them all sit down. "I will
make my ruling." He announced to the court. "The court rules in favor of
the plaintiff and orders the defendant to pay damages in the amount of
eight hundred thousand dollars. Mr. Green, I will be recommending
disbarment for you and your partner. That's all. Dismissed." He stood and
left the courtroom, leaving the spectators to watch in disbelief. A murmur
arose and this soon turned into roar, Mrs. Upjohn hugged Sarah tightly, and
Bobby and Ellenor exchanged amazed looks. They had expected the judge to
give Green a harsh warning, not a final ruling. Ellenor completed the sums
in her head and realised that the firm had never earned this much before.
They left the grieving grandmother and sullen child at the entrance of the
courthouse and travelled back to the office in silence. Ellenor hadn't
shown Green her skills in the courtroom, but she realised that she would no
longer feel snubbed by the dishonest dictators of Camden and Green.

*    *    *

"We finally have some more money!" Bobby announced cheerfully, forgetting
his sadness over Anna's death. Eugene and Rebecca looked up from their
desks.
"The case couldn't be finished already!?" Eugene demanded.
"It is. The judge ruled in favor of the plaintiff and was much more
generous than we expected."
"You're joking!"
"Nope," Ellenor answered. "I say we spend the money on redecorating this
place." She looked around her, seeing the possibilities emerge.
"What we really need is another lawyer," Eugene told Bobby. "Now that the
young associate refuses to handle any research," he looked pointedly, but
affectionately at Ellenor. "And has this notion that she can argue in
court, we have so much extra work to do. We can redecorate another time."
"Another lawyer?" Ellenor asked disdainfully. She liked the working
environment and got along with Eugene, Bobby and Rebecca, she didn't like
the idea of another lawyer spoiling their relationship.
"Eugene is right - we do need someone else to help out. I'll make a few
calls," Bobby said decisively, ignoring Ellenor's dismay.

*    *    *

Lindsay lay back on the green grass of the courtyard. The old buildings
embraced her with their wisdom and she wished that some of that wisdom
might come down and tell her what to do.
"Hey, Babe!" Helen called cheerfully "That's not the wisdom I was wishing
for," she told the buildings with disgust.
"Are you talking to yourself again?" Helen teased.
"I was trying to soak in some of the rays of wisdom that emanate from these
buildings, but they saw you and refracted with terror."
"There you go again, you should be a scientist, not a lawyer!"
"Too late," Lindsay grumbled and lay back down.
"What's up with you?" Helen lay down next to her and closed her eyes
sleepily.
"You've got a job, Chris has a job and James has a job. Why is it that I
can't find one?"
"You're too fussy! I thought Camden and Green offered you a position?"
"They did. But if I work there, it'll be a lifetime before they let me in
court. And I can't see myself ever making partner while Green's the boss."
"He is evil. I have a theory that he's Satan and he's here to give all
lawyers a taste of what is to come when they reach the afterlife. But I
won't be going to hell, I'll be a saintly DA." Helen fluttered her
eyelashes innocently.
"I'm still trying to recover from that shock!" Lindsay laughed. "I can't
see you as a DA!"
"I'll be a great DA!" Helen argued.
"Whatever."
"I will!"
"I said, whatever!"
"Hey Lindsay!" Another friend of theirs wandered over and sat beside them.
"Hey Rachel, I'm trying to convince Lindsay that I'll be a great DA, she
doesn't believe me."
"I give you two years," Rachel told Helen. Helen stood up and stomped away.

"Is she okay?" Rachel asked Lindsay.
"She'll be fine. What's up?"
"I just heard from a secret source that Charles Green's evil deeds finally
caught up with him. There was a trial yesterday and it was revealed that
Green had one of his associates call the plaintiff and offer her money to
drop the case. She told her lawyer and he told the judge. The judge said
that he was going to recommend disbarment. Isn't it great?"
"Wow! What case was it?"
"Some lady's daughter died and the insurance company refused to give her
the life insurance money. Upjohn versus KY Insurance"
"Lucky I didn't accept that job offer!" Lindsay exclaimed, suddenly much
happier.
"I thought you'd be happy to know. See ya!"
"Bye." Lindsay looked at the buildings and made a decision to go back to
the employment advisor to see if he had any ideas.

*    *    *

The next day…

"Lindsay, I have to say that I'm surprised. I would have expected you to be
one of the first to find employment."
"I know, Mr. Bannister. I just can't see myself working in a big firm;
they're run by sexist men who couldn't bear to have a woman make partner.
No offence."
"None taken," he smiled.
"Plus, I really want to be a trial lawyer, they don't let associates in
court for years," Lindsay added.
"But, Lindsay, most firms are fairly hesitant about young associates trying
cases. The situation would be the same no matter who you choose to work
for."
Lindsay sighed and looked at him in frustration, "I know. I was wondering
if there were any smaller firms with positions available?"
"Well, I heard that Donnell and Associates is looking for someone new."
Lindsay felt her chest contract as all the air was vacuumed out of her
lungs
"Donnell and Associates?" she asked breathlessly. She had never really
forgotten her encounter with the impressive Bobby Donnell, but she wasn't
sure whether she had the confidence to work with him.
"Yes, they have been fairly successful lately, and I heard that they put
Charles Green in his place yesterday," he chuckled to himself. "But the
firm focuses on criminal law - not an area you are interested in."
"I'm interested in all aspects of the law, Mr. Bannister."
"Yes, but you excel in constitutional law, you'd be an asset to any civil
firm."
Lindsay blushed modestly. "Could you give me their phone number and I'll
call them. It won't hurt to have an interview."
"Of course." He handed her a piece of paper with the firm's details on it
and smiled encouragingly, "I hope you find your dream job, Lindsay."
"Thanks, Mr. Bannister."
She rushed out of his office and to the room she shared with Helen. Helen
was lying on her bed looking depressed; she didn't even look up when
Lindsay burst into the room. Lindsay ignored her and grabbed the phone,
dialling the number with shaking fingers.
"Donnell and Associates." The voice on the other end sounded very efficient
and cool. Lindsay cleared her throat and gasped into the phone, "Yes…Hi. My
name is Lindsay Dole and I am enquiring about the position you have
available."
"Oh! I'll pass you on to Bobby Donnell, he can talk to you about it. Please
hold."
Lindsay waited and finally heard the magical voice travel down the line and
straight into her soul.
"This is Bobby Donnell," he said.
Lindsay felt her heart race and wasn't sure whether she could get any words
out. "Hi, I'm Lindsay Dole. I'm enquiring about the job position you have
available."
Bobby was surprised at her calm demeanour, "Well, Ms. Dole, could you tell
me about yourself?"
"Sure…" Lindsay pause, unsure where to start. "I have just graduated from
Harvard with honors. I am interested in working in a mixed practice where I
can work on both civil and criminal cases."
She paused again and he took advantage of the silence, "If you graduated
from Harvard with honors surely you've had offers from larger firms?"
"I was offered a position at Camden and Green, but I have clerked in large
firms and hated it, so I would really love to join a smaller firm which
gives me the opportunity to become a trial lawyer. And I'm not sure whether
Camden and Green will be wanting to hire new associates anyway…considering
you're actions in court yesterday." She smiled and he could hear it in her
voice.
"Charles Green deserved it." Bobby assured her.
"I know he did. I can't imagine working in that firm…actually I can imagine
it, it would be hell."
Bobby considered what he had heard so far and decided that he'd invite her
in for an interview. He told her this and Lindsay responded excitedly that
she'd love an interview. They arranged a time for the following day and she
hung up the phone, turning to Helen. Helen was insanely curious but was
still angry with Lindsay, so attempted to look unconcerned.
"I've got an interview tomorrow," Lindsay told her casually.
"I heard," Helen replied just as casually.
"Do you want to know which firm? Lindsay asked, seeing Helen's look of
desperation.
"Not really," Helen replied.
"Okay." Lindsay sat on her bed and picked up a magazine, flicking through
the pages without really seeing the magic hair formulas and reader's
stories of traumatic dates. Helen finally gave up, "Okay! Who is it?!"
"Donnell and Associates."
Helen frowned and searched her memory, "Aren't they criminal defense
attorneys? They represent a lot of drug dealers."
"I'm interested in criminal law," Lindsay protested, beginning to feel
worried that she was heading down the wrong path.
"You'd be scared off by the first criminal that you meet. You're a civil
lawyer at heart, Lindsay. " Helen mimicked their friend Rachel, "I give you
two years."
Lindsay laughed at the bad impression, "I may as well go to the interview."

"It's your death," Helen warned, feeling more cheerful.

*    *    *

"A Harvard graduate?" Eugene asked incredulously.
"She seems promising," Bobby assured him.
"Why does she want to come here?" Ellenor asked bluntly.
"She doesn't want to join a large firm, and she's interested in criminal
law." He looked pointedly at Ellenor, "She turned down a position at Camden
and Green."
"Good for her," she grumbled, hating the idea of a new associate breaking
the camaraderie in the firm.
"She's interviewing tomorrow," he said with finality and left the room.
Ellenor sent him a dirty look and glanced at Eugene, hoping for some
support, but Eugene was looking distractedly at some papers. Ellenor sighed
and left the room with resignation.

***************************************************************

End part 7. Feedback makes the river of ideas flow freely.

Title: In the Absence of Fear, part 8

Author: Alison (a.c.barker@student.murdoch.edu.au)

Author's note: This is all about Lindsay, so for those Lindsay fans out
there, enjoy! It is set approx 9 years after Bobby began the firm.

Disclaimer: Not my characters...no financial gain...yada yada yada.

*******************************************************************

Lindsay looked up to the sky for some fortitude. The building before her
loomed alarmingly and she was about to turn around and head back the way
she came, when Helen grabbed her arm and made her wait in front of the
doors.
"You have to do this interview, Lindsay."
"Look at the building," Lindsay pointed out with distaste. "This isn't the
sort of firm I wanted to join."
"Well you haven't left yourself much choice. Camden and Green are just down
the road - you could head there and beg for a job?"
"I'm going in." Lindsay said with determination.
"I'll wait here for you."
"No don't do that! Go shopping, have a coffee. I'll feel bad if you wait
for me."
"Okay," She smiled. "Good luck, Babe."
"Thanks." Lindsay looked at the doors with hesitation and felt a shove in
the back.
"Go!" Helen ordered.
With a nervous smile over her shoulder, Lindsay proceeded through the
doors.

The paint on the walls was peeling, and files were crammed into every
available space. The only bright spot in the room was a face that was
smiling welcomingly at her.
"Hi, I'm Rebecca Washington. You must be Lindsay Dole."
"Hi, how did you know who I was?" Lindsay asked curiously.
"You're on time. Most of our clients are usually late."
Lindsay didn't know what to say, but she liked Rebecca instantly. She
smiled back and glanced around her. Rebecca stood up and knocked on Bobby's
door. Lindsay heard the brusque reply,
"Yes?"
"Lindsay Dole's here for her interview."
"Okay, show her in."
Lindsay held her breath and walked through the door. Bobby looked up
thoughtfully, startled by her looks. Lindsay was just as impressed - and
she had been prepared for the appearance of the man before her.
"Ms. Dole. I'm glad you could make it," Bobby sounded uncomfortably polite.

"I'm glad you could see me," Lindsay too felt uncomfortable.
"Please, have a seat."
"Thank you."
She sat down on the edge of the seat and waited for Bobby to begin. He was
still staring and she wondered whether she had something on her face. She
brushed her fingers through her hair self-consciously and decided to break
the silence.
"Thanks so much for seeing me today, Mr. Donnell," She put her CV on his
desk and he looked at it blankly.
"Uh…Bobby…call me Bobby," Bobby stuttered. Lindsay smiled to herself,
wondering whether he was always so flustered. She waited again for him to
start and he gave himself a shake, realising that he was looking stupid in
front of the Harvard graduate. He picked up the resume` and scanned it
briefly. She was obviously a smart woman and one who was motivated to
succeed. Her credentials continued for pages and he was impressed, but he
also felt the resentment rise. Every day that he entered the courtroom he
felt the loathing seep from the judges and lawyers. Raymond Oz assured him
that all defense attorneys felt the same loathing, but Bobby wasn't
convinced. The lawyers that made him feel the most ashamed were the ones
from the prestigious law schools. Bobby tried to put the prejudice behind
him and looked calmly at Lindsay.
"Ms. Dole, let me tell you a little bit about the firm. We are a small firm
and the majority of our cases are criminal ones. We represent all types -
drug dealers, rapists, bag snatchers and murderers. We also take on some
civil cases, but these are often small matters. There are three lawyers,
Eugene, Ellenor and myself. The person we hire will spend the first few
months helping the three of us with our cases and learning courtroom
technique and after this period we will assign you with cases of your own,"
he paused and waited for her reaction. Her face remained expressionless. He
told her what they could afford to pay her and her expressionless face came
alive. She was fighting a battle in her head, with one side telling her to
politely decline the job, but the other arguing that she would be in court
in a few months.
Bobby felt his resentment rise again, angered by her disappointment. "Ms.
Dole, let me be frank with you. I get the impression that you'd be better
suited to a larger firm like Camden and Green because we can't afford to
pay someone a huge salary. We will never be a civil firm and I doubt
whether you could handle the pressure of criminal defense work."
Lindsay felt her face get hot and she couldn't help but respond to his
criticism. "Excuse me? I graduated from Harvard with honors and you think I
can't handle pressure? I'll be a better lawyer than you'll ever be, Mr.
Donnell, and when I start winning you'll be sorry you didn't hire me!" Her
last words were yelled at him and he recoiled in surprise.

*    *    *

Rebecca looked up with concern when she heard the shouting from inside
Bobby's office. Ellenor had just walked in and she too looked up with
surprise.
"Who's Bobby talking to? Or should I say, yelling at?" she asked Rebecca
curiously.
"The Harvard girl, Lindsay Dole."
"Really?" Ellenor asked happily, glad that the interview was going so
badly.
"I'm worried. I wonder what happened." Rebecca stood up and was about to go
to the door when she heard Lindsay respond hotly.
"I don't think she needs your help," Ellenor told her cheerfully.

*    *    *

Bobby looked at the now flustered woman in front of him, still feeling
surprised at her reaction. She glared back at him stubbornly, deciding not
to leave until he acknowledged that she was right. Bobby was feeling just
as stubborn.
"Ms. Dole, thank you for coming. I'm sure you'll be a fine lawyer one day,
but this firm is not suited to your skills." Bobby stood up and walked to
the door, waiting for her to follow him. She ignored him and continued to
sit. Bobby sighed with frustration and sat down on the couch behind her.
Lindsay looked at her hands, she was so used to being told how good she
was, she was surprised by the criticism he had dished out so easily. It
wasn't a desire to work there that kept her seated, but a desire to prove
him wrong.
"Mr. Donnell, I can see that you have made your judgement of me, and let me
assure you that you are wrong. I am not as superficial as you seem to think
and I am not as weak. It was not money that made me think twice about
working here, but you're obvious reluctance to hire someone who has more
talent than you do. You also seem to have a problem with sharing
responsibility and I doubt whether you will ever make your associates
partners of the firm. You were also wrong about me. I have a strong
interest in criminal law and a desire to succeed. I am sorry that I wasted
my time by coming here." Bobby was speechless and watched agog as Lindsay
stood up and walked confidently out of the door.

Rebecca and Ellenor heard the door open and watched open-mouthed as Lindsay
strode past them without a word, slamming the door behind her.

*    *    *

Lindsay felt the tears form in her eyes and tried to stop them from
spilling over. She failed and they rolled down her face without inhibition.
Helen was waiting curiously by the doors. She had spent ten minutes in the
café across the road before becoming bored and had decided that she'd
rather wait outside the office building for Lindsay. She saw Lindsay's red
face and swollen eyes and felt her heart sink. She had been looking forward
to going up against Lindsay in court one day, but obviously it wasn't to
be.
"Oh, Lindsay," Helen murmured, hugging Lindsay tightly. Lindsay sniffed and
searched her bag for a tissue, wiping her eyes and face.
"Did he want a more experienced lawyer?" Helen asked sympathetically.
"No…" Lindsay mumbled, the tears subsiding. "He basically accused me of
being weak and superficial," she told Helen softly.
"What a bastard!" Helen's eyes flashed angrily. "You're obviously too good
for him!"
"That's what I told him," Lindsay admitted.
"What did you say?" Helen asked, surprised.
"I just told him that he was wrong and that I was a better lawyer than he'd
ever be," Lindsay giggled, remembering his expression when she had left his
office.
"That's great! I wish I could have seen it!"
"He was shocked," Lindsay assured her.
"I think we need to celebrate! How about a shopping spree? I need a new
outfit or five for my summer in France and you need a new outfit for the
party I'm taking you to tonight."
"What party?"
"At Pete Kingston's house."
"I don't remember being invited to that…" Lindsay searched her memory.
"We weren't invited…but that's not going to stop me from being at the party
of the decade."
"I don't think I'll go, Helen. I don't want to get arrested again."
"That was just one time!" Helen protested. "And you weren't charged for it,
it was all a mistake remember?!"
"A mistake that I'd rather not repeat."
"You're no fun," Helen grumbled. "Why don't we have a few drinks at
Bronson's and pick up some guys there."
"Okay…" Helen grabbed Lindsay's arm and pulled her down the street, intent
on beginning her shopping spree.

*    *    *

Rebecca knocked softly on Bobby's door and peered inside. Bobby was
sprawled out on the couch, staring at the ceiling.
"What happened?" Rebecca asked curiously.
"I don't want to talk about it." Bobby mumbled, still licking his wounds.
"Too bad. What did she do to deserve your rage?"
"She was superficial and I didn't think that she was suited to the job."
"So you told her," Rebecca stated.
"Yes I did tell her. She needed to get off her pedestal and have a good
look at the world around her."
Rebecca swatted him, but got no response. She swatted him again.
"Ouch! Don't swat me!"
"I will swat you! You deserved whatever she said to you."
"She told me that I couldn't accept anyone with more talent than I have."
Bobby admitted, moving his arm out of swatting range.
"Good for her! Call her back an apologise for being such an ass and tell
her that she got the job."
"Who's the boss here, Rebecca? Have you taken over the role, or is it just
my imagination?" Bobby accused. "I am not going to call her back. She made
it quite clear that she would never accept the job."
"Well call and apologise."
"No. If I never see her again it will be too soon."
"She was pretty though," Rebecca enticed him. He said nothing. "And she was
smart. I would also bet that she will be a great lawyer if she gets the
right coaching from an experienced lawyer," she looked at Bobby pointedly,
but he ignored her. "Bobby. You have interviewed four people. She was the
best of all of them. Call her!"
"No!"
"Fine. I hope she meets you in court one day and beats the hell out of
you!" Rebecca stomped out of the room.

*    *    *

Lindsay sat with Helen at a table in the corner. Helen was preoccupied by a
blonde man, leaving Lindsay to stare about the room with boredom.
"Oh no!" she exclaimed when she saw the couple walk in the door.
"What?" Helen asked distractedly.
“You wouldn't believe who just walked in!"
"Who?"
"Look!"
Helen looked up and saw the tall, dark haired man walk in with a pretty
woman on his arm.
"So?" she said to Lindsay, turning her attention back to Sjeff, the Dutch
personal trainer that she had met.
"That's Bobby Donnell!"
"Who's the girl?" Sjeff asked.
"Does it matter?" Lindsay asked with frustration.
"That's Bobby Donnell?" Helen asked, seeing why Lindsay was so upset at not
getting the job. "He's hot!" she exclaimed.
"Hey!" Sjeff warned.
"So are you, Sjeff!" Helen assured him.
"That's not the issue, Helen. The problem is that I don't ever want to see
him again!"
"We can't leave!" Helen exclaimed when she realised what Lindsay was
hinting at.
"Helen!" Lindsay moaned.
"Lindsay! I know, if you sit where I'm sitting, he won't be able to see
you." They all stood up and exchanged seats; Lindsay was now concealed by
Sjeff and concentrated on her drink.

*    *    *

Julia glanced around her with distaste. She couldn't believe that Bobby had
brought her here when there were so many better restaurants in the city.
She pasted a fake smile on her face and glanced at Bobby who was
distractedly staring about the room.
"It's nice to see you again," Julia told him. "I feel like we never see
each other any more."
"Hmmm," Bobby responded.
"I had a great day today," she told him brightly. "Karen and I spent the
afternoon taking notes at the partner's meeting. There were no phones to
answer, just good food and easy work. It was great!" she told him
enthusiastically.
"Sounds good." Bobby replied.
She frowned and ordered a gin and tonic. "I've been meaning to tell you
that I've bought tickets to Les Miserables. We're going with Karen and
John."
"I've seen it," Bobby told her. "You should take your sister."
"I want to go with you."
"When is it?" Bobby asked.
"Next month."
"I'm busy. We've got the Guyton murder trial; I won't have any spare time.
Sorry."
Julia swallowed her fury, "How was your day?"
"Terrible. I interviewed a lawyer for the firm and we ended up fighting.
Rebecca says I should call her and apologise."
"Why don't you?"
"Because…I don't know."
"Did she hurt your feelings?" Julia asked in a baby voice, mocking him.
"Yes she did! Thanks for your support." Bobby erupted angrily.
Julia stared into her drink and made up her mind. "Bobby, I'm sick of
having to second guess what mood you're in before I say anything. I am sick
of the way that you put me second to your job and I'm sick of the way you
put me down because you consider your work more important than mine. You
are never interested in me, and you put no effort into our relationship.
You are selfish and stubborn and I never want to see you again! I won't be
there when you get home!"
She stood up and fled from the bar, leaving him to watch in astonishment.
She had left the theatre tickets on the table.  The people at surrounding
tables watched curiously and tittered with amusement. Lindsay saw the whole
thing and laughed about it to herself: glad that he was having a horrible
day. She stood up and told Helen that she'd be in the bathroom. Helen waved
her hand at Lindsay in acceptance and Lindsay threaded around the tables.

*    *    *

Lindsay dried her hands carefully and headed back to Helen and Sjeff. She
was met with an empty table and looked around her desperately. She couldn't
believe that Helen had ditched her, and she didn't even leave a note!
Lindsay kicked the chair with anger, the tears threatening to fall again. A
waitress walked past, seeing Lindsay's anger, "You're friend told me to
tell you that she'd see you tomorrow. She said to tell you to have a good
night."
"Thanks," Lindsay told her morosely.
"No problem."
Lindsay gave one last look around the bar and saw Bobby still brooding over
his drink. She ignored him purposefully and headed out the door. She saw a
taxi and put out her hand, but just as it pulled up she was shoved out of
the way by another couple. They knocked her to the wet ground and she felt
her knee twist as she fell.
"Shit!" Lindsay swore.
"Nice language," she heard someone say above her. She looked up and saw
Bobby's amused face.
"Go away."
"Okay," Bobby walked away.
Lindsay stood up, ignoring the stabbing pain from her knee and stubbornly
pulled her coat closer to her body for warmth. The water that she had
fallen into began to seep through to her skin and she waited miserably for
a taxi. A battered red car pulled up beside her and she turned away,
thinking it was some jerk that wanted to pick her up. She heard the car
door open and heavy footsteps approach her. Frightened, she headed back to
the bar. A hand grabbed her arm and she shrieked, turning around ready to
fight.
"Do you need a ride?" Bobby asked, attempting to avoid the flailing arms.
"What?" Lindsay paused, realising who it was.
"Do you need a ride?" Bobby repeated.
"No. I told you to go away!" She limped down the road away from him. He
sighed and got back into the car, following her slowly. "So you're going to
stalk me now?" she yelled at him.
"I feel bad. Please get in." Lindsay stopped; her knee was really hurting.
She opened the car door and lowered herself in.
"Where do you live?" he asked.
"King St. Turn left at the next lights."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Just because you're helping me doesn't mean that we have to
talk."
"Fine," Bobby replied.
They drove on in silence.
"Turn right at the next intersection."
"I thought we weren't talking," Bobby teased her. She tried to suppress a
smile, but didn't succeed. He saw it and smiled to himself.
"It looks as though we've both had horrible days, you were ditched by your
friend and I was dumped by my girlfriend. Why don't we try to end it on a
good note?" he pulled up at a coffeehouse and stepped around to her door,
opening it for her. She got out and he put his arm protectively around her
back. "You're all wet!" he exclaimed in surprise. He took off his coat and
handed it to her. She inspected his face thoughtfully and removed her own
coat and snuggled into his. It was warm from his body and suddenly she felt
the attraction she had always felt come alive.
"Thanks," she whispered. He led her into the coffeehouse and ordered them
hot chocolates.
"Hot chocolate?" Lindsay asked in surprise.
"When I hurt myself when I was little, my Mom used to always make me hot
chocolate. It's the best medicine when you're hurt and cold and wet."
She smiled at him, "Does your Mom still make you hot chocolate?" she
teased.
Bobby looked up sadly, "She died when I was a teenager."
"I'm so sorry!" Lindsay kicked herself for asking the question.
"She was a special person," he said, giving the impression that the topic
was closed for discussion. Lindsay was lost for words and concentrated on
her drink.
"Ms. Dole-" Bobby stopped. "Can I call you Lindsay?" She nodded. "Lindsay,
I'm sorry for what I said earlier today. I don't think you're weak or
superficial and I can see that you're stubborn enough to make a very good
lawyer. The job is yours if you want it."
"Really?" Lindsay was shocked.
"Really."
"Well, I'm sorry too. I didn't mean what I said."
"Yes you did," Bobby assured her.
"Okay, I did," she admitted.
They laughed.
"Then yes. I accept the job," she said shyly, snuggling deeper into his
coat.
"Good." He picked up his hot chocolate and clinked it against hers to seal
the deal.
She could hear him humming softly, "What are you humming?" she asked
curiously, recognising the tune.
He looked up guiltily, " 'Do you hear the people sing?' "
"From Les Mis!" She exclaimed. "I love that musical!"
Bobby produced tickets from his pocket, "Do you want to go?"
She looked at him shyly, "Is that a date?"
"Consider it a pre-employment bonus. The only downside is that we will be
sitting next to my ex-girlfriend's best friend." He shrugged, his smile
making her knees go numb, including her injured one.
"I can handle that," Lindsay decided.
"I'm sure you can," Bobby said knowingly. Lindsay swatted his arm.
"Ouch! You and Rebecca will get along well," he grumbled.

**********************************************************************

End part 8! Feedbaaack! Feedbaaack! Sorry - I've been at a sheep farm for
the last week, I am hearing baas everywhere I go.  For those that haven't
seen the musical Les Miserables, you don't know what you're missing!

Title: In the Absence of Fear, part 9

Author: Alison, a.c.barker@student.murdoch.edu.au
Author's note: We continue with Lindsay's story, set approximately 9 
years after the firm began. She has just accepted Bobby's job offer 
and is about to begin work. Helen disappears to France to a few 
months before beginning her stint as a DA. 

Disclaimer: See part 1

********************************************************************* 
 	

Bobby walked Lindsay to her door and waited until it clicked shut in 
front of him before heading back to his car. Rebecca would be proud 
of him, he thought to himself. She would not believe that he had 
apologised for his behaviour, and Bobby couldn't wait to tell her 
about it. He sped away to what he hoped would be an empty apartment.

*	*	*

Helen was curled up on the sofa when Lindsay walked in.
"What happened to Sjeff?" Lindsay asked with surprise.
"He was more interested in getting a green card than a girlfriend," 
Helen told her morosely.
Lindsay smiled, "There'll be others," she comforted.
"They won't be personal trainers and they won't be Dutch."
"That's probably a good thing."
"Speak for yourself…where have you been?"
Lindsay sat on the sofa beside Helen without answering. She rolled up 
her trouser leg and scrutinised her swollen knee, poking at it 
tentatively. Helen turned to Lindsay for an answer and saw her knee.
"What happened?"
"I got stuck between a horny couple and their ride home," Lindsay 
winced as she prodded a particularly tender part.
"Are you okay?"
"No. This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't ditched me at 
Bronson's."
"I'm sorry, I thought you'd understand. How did you get home?"
Lindsay mumbled something in response.
"What?"
"Bobby Donnell gave me a ride home."
"That bastard!? Why would you accept a ride from him?"
Lindsay decided that she wouldn't tell Helen about the job offer, "He 
was nice about it and my knee was hurting."
"He was probably hoping to pick up a new girlfriend," Helen said 
viciously.
Lindsay decided that she also wouldn't say anything about the theatre 
tickets, "You saw what happened?"
"Lindsay, everybody saw what happened. He got what he deserved."
Lindsay rolled her trouser leg back down and said nothing in 
response. She stood up and stretched, "I'm going to bed," she 
announced. Helen noticed the coat she was wearing.
"Where did you get that?" she asked suspiciously, pointing to Bobby's 
coat.
Lindsay gasped, "Oh no! I forgot to give it back!"
"Is it Bobby's?"
"Yeah. He saw that I was all wet and offered it to me."
"Oh really?" Helen looked at her suggestively.
Lindsay blushed, but shook her head vehemently, "Nothing happened, 
Helen. I was cold, he was sweet and gave it to me. That's all!" 
Lindsay turned and left the room without another word, leaving Helen 
to wonder what was going on.

*	*	*

Bobby walked in the door of his apartment, noticing at once that many 
items were missing. He looked at the where the hat stand usually 
stood in the corner, the empty space glaring back at him with its 
dusty outlook. The hat stand had been an ornamental antique that 
Julia had fallen in love with; he had bought it for her as a surprise 
and she had shrieked when she saw it standing in the corner. In the 
strange chain reaction of thoughts that often occurs, Bobby realised 
that he had forgotten to get his coat back from Lindsay. He sighed 
and decided that he'd worry about it tomorrow. He fell into bed, 
ignoring the clothes that were strewn about the room and the chaos 
that had invaded the bathroom. Julia was gone. Rebecca would be proud 
of him, he thought again as he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

*	*	*

Lindsay strode confidently into the office the next morning; assuming 
that everybody knew that she would be working there. She had Bobby's 
coat slung over one arm and had hoped that she could give it back to 
Bobby personally. Rebecca stared at her with amazement when she 
walked in, "Are you back for more abuse?"
Lindsay stopped suddenly and stared at Rebecca quizzically, "What? 
No! Bobby gave me the job."
"He did? And you accepted?" Rebecca asked incredulously.
"Yes, why not?" 
"The interview didn't seem to go that well," Rebecca understated. 
Lindsay blushed, remembering that horrible morning, "He apologised 
and I decided that this was the sort of place that I wanted to work."
"He apologised?" Rebecca was now about to fall off her chair with 
shock.
"Yes. Do you have to keep repeating what I say?"
"I'm sorry. I'm just a little surprised."
"Is he here yet? I need to return his coat."
"No. He must be running late this morning," Rebecca said with more 
composure.

*	*	*

Bobby waited outside the door trying to shield himself from the 
unseasonable horizontal rain that seemed determined to soak him to 
the skin. He glanced at his watch in frustration, but nobody answered 
the door. As he was about to give up, the locks clicked and a sleepy 
Helen appeared before him. She took one look at him and decided that 
it would be a good idea to close the door. He stopped it with an arm 
and asked meekly whether Lindsay was home.
"Don't you think you hurt her feelings enough yesterday?"
Bobby looked at her in confusion, wondering whether the night before 
had just been his imagination, "I'm not sure what you're talking 
about. But she's got my coat and I'm late for work."
"She's not here," Helen finally revealed. "She left this morning 
without saying where she was going."
"Can you check to see whether she left it anywhere?"
Helen rolled her eyes, "Okay." She shut the door on him and left to 
glance in Lindsay's room. She returned to the door and said to 
Bobby, "Its not here."
"Okay," Bobby sighed and thanked her.
"No problem," She shut the door firmly in his face.

*	*	* 

Ellenor walked in the door juggling her briefcase and a giant cup of 
coffee. She kicked the door shut behind her and looked up at the two 
women but stopped suddenly when she saw Lindsay.
"What are you doing here?" she asked bluntly.
Lindsay shifted uncomfortably and looked directly back at 
Ellenor, "I'll be working here now."
"You've got to be kidding me! Can't you take no for an answer?" 
Ellenor laughed at Lindsay's presumption.
Rebecca shot Ellenor a warning glance, "I think Bobby did offer her 
the job, Ellenor."
Lindsay stayed silent. From first impressions, she didn't like 
Ellenor and resented her criticism. Eugene walked in the door and 
greeted the group cheerfully. He hadn't had the opportunity to meet 
Lindsay the day before and simply considered her to be another 
client. Rebecca made the introductions.
"Eugene, this is Lindsay Dole. Bobby gave her the job."
"That hasn't been proven yet," Ellenor interrupted.
"The Harvard girl?" Eugene asked.
Lindsay smiled at him, "That's me. It's nice to meet you."
"I'm Eugene Young, I'm glad that you've decided to work with us. We 
need someone who will attract the richer clients, because as you can 
see, money isn't something we have a lot of."
Ellenor glared at him, hating his unintended implications. She 
slammed her briefcase on her desk and announced to the group that she 
was late for court. Eugene sent an inquiring glance at Rebecca, who 
shrugged her shoulders in response. Lindsay stood with them, still 
silent and feeling uncomfortable. The coat on her arm seemed to weigh 
a ton.
"So Lindsay, when did you graduate?" Eugene asked.
"Last week," Lindsay informed him nervously. "I still can't believe 
that I'm finished!"
"In another week, you'll feel like you were never there," he assured 
her.
"I wish you were never here," Ellenor mumbled to herself, out of the 
hearing range of the others.
"So when does Bobby want you to start?" Rebecca asked curiously.
"I don't know," Lindsay admitted. "I was so shocked that he even 
offered me the job, I didn't think to ask the details."
"I guess he'll discuss them with you today," Rebecca replied.
"Is he in court today?" Lindsay asked.
"Is who in court today?" Bobby asked from behind them. He saw Lindsay 
and his coat, "I've been trying to track you down all over the city," 
he told her. She handed him his coat and he accepted it gratefully. 
The others looked on in confusion, all three wondering what had 
actually happened between Bobby and Lindsay the night before. Ellenor 
cleared the throat and announced again that she had to go. The others 
waved goodbye and watched her leave. As soon as she left, the normal 
bustle descended on the office. Rebecca handed Bobby his messages and 
he dumped his briefcase in his office. Eugene began using the fax 
machine while loudly discussing a case with Bobby who was now sifting 
through a filing cabinet on the other side of the room. Rebecca 
answered the ringing phone and Lindsay stood by her desk, drawn to 
its security. She felt as though her world was frozen as she watched 
the rest of the world on fast-forward. Nobody seemed to notice her 
standing there until Eugene finally sat down and Bobby appeared 
before her, gesturing for her to come into his office.
"Sorry about that. It can get a little crazy around here, especially 
in the mornings. While you're here, we may as well discuss some 
important details. Firstly, when would you like to start?"
"Well Helen is going away for the summer, so I won't have anything to 
do until she comes back. I may as well start right away."
"Where is she going?" he asked conversationally.
Lindsay could tell that Bobby had changed his opinion of her and felt 
as though this was a different person to yesterday's tyrant. "France. 
It was a gift from her parents for her graduation."
"Why don't you go too?"
"My parents dragged me to France a few years ago, so I wasn't all 
that excited about going. And although Helen is a great friend, I 
don't want to be ditched like I was last night in a strange
country."
"Fair enough. But you haven't passed the bar yet, so don't get too 
excited about beginning work here. It'll all be research."
"I don't mind," Lindsay assured him.
"Ellenor needs help with her case, so why don't you start tomorrow 
and help her out. She can show you how we work and can answer any 
questions that you have."
Lindsay held back a grimace but agreed amiably that she'd enjoy 
working with Ellenor.
"Great."
They both smiled awkwardly. Bobby seemed to shake himself awake and 
looked at the papers on his desk, "I have a fair bit of work to
do…" 
he told her apologetically.
Lindsay jumped to her feet, "Of course. I guess I'll see you 
tomorrow."
"I look forward to it."
Lindsay walked to the door and on an impulse, looked back at Bobby, 
who was staring at her thoughtfully. "Thanks, Bobby," her words were 
heavily burdened with all the gratitude and emotion that had 
accumulated over the past two days. Bobby felt the weight of her 
words and smiled seriously, "No problem." With one last look in his 
direction, she left the room. It was a long time before Bobby awoke 
from the trance and began to work.

*	*	*

"You're what!?" Helen's words were shrieked across the room. She was 
sifting through a pile of clothes on her bed while her suitcase was 
bulging satisfactorily on the floor.  
"You heard me," Lindsay returned.
"He was so horrible to you! How could you accept a job there?"
"Helen! It's my life, and I want to work there!"
"Ah Ha! I know why you want to work there!"
"Why don't you share it with the group," Lindsay stated sarcastically.
"You like him."
"What? I do not like him!"
"Anyone would, Lindsay. Hell, I'm in love with him and I've only met 
him once."
"I do not like him!" 
"Then why are you blushing?"
"It's hot in here."
Helen laughed, "You are so in love with him."
"Oh, so now I'm in love with him? You need a life Helen."
"I know…" Helen sighed melodramatically. She dumped the pile of 
clothes from her bed to the floor and picked up a new pile. A small 
golden piece of fabric caught her attention and she showed it to 
Lindsay, "Do you think I'll get arrested if I wear this?"
Lindsay didn't even look up, "Yes."
"You're no fun."
"So you keep telling me."
"Come with me, Lindsay! There's still time. I'm sure your parents 
will pay for it." Helen pleaded desperately.
"I'd like to," Lindsay was tempted. "But I can't. I start work 
tomorrow."
"We'd have a great time together! Please?"
"I can't Helen. But you'll have the best summer, whether I'm there or 
not."
"I'll miss you," Helen wiped her eyes with the golden boob tube that 
she was holding.
Lindsay felt bad for being so cold earlier, "I'll miss you too. You'd 
better write to me or I won't ever talk to you again." She hugged 
Helen comfortingly. They stood in the centre of the room and clung to 
each other, sure that their lives would never be the same again.


******************************************************

I'm sorry that that was only short, but I'll have part 10 finished 
this weekend and I'll post part 11 when I get back from the Olympics. 
Have a great weekend
Title: In the Absence of Fear, part 10

Author: Alison (a.c.barker@s...)

Author's note: This part follows on from the previous part. It is Lindsay's
turn to join the firm, 9 years after it began.

Disclaimer: Not my characters…no financial gain…they belong to ABC
and DEK…yada yada yada.

******************************************************

The young man smiled brilliantly at Lindsay the next morning as he handed
her the coffee. Actually it probably wasn't a brilliant smile, it was
Lindsay's mood that made her think that.
"Have a nice day," he encouraged her cheerfully.
"Thanks, you too," she replied. His good mood had rubbed off on her.
She had dropped Helen off at the airport early that morning and was still
revelling in the luxury of being alone. She was sure that this feeling
wouldn't last very long, but for the moment, Lindsay was happy. The only
scary thing about the next three months was that she wouldn't have anybody
to talk to about her new job. Sure, she could call France to talk to her
friend, but Helen would be too preoccupied to talk about Lindsay's
problems. For the first time since Helen had left that morning, Lindsay
suddenly felt worried. It wasn't starting a new job that worried her – she
had been in plenty of new situations
before and had handled them all without any problems, but it was not having
Helen around to keep her on her feet.

Her close friendship with Helen had surprised most people that knew
Lindsay. They were almost complete opposites. Most perceived Lindsay as the
weaker and more introverted of the two, but the people that were closest to
her knew that she had a formidable temper when she was crossed. Helen on
the other hand was much more willing to shock people with some outrageous
stunts and comments. Lindsay's mother almost physically recoiled when she
first met Helen and had since refused to talk to Lindsay's good friend. But
much to the dismay of Lindsay's close friends and family, the two girls had
continued against all odds to remain friends.

Lindsay sipped her coffee contemplatively as she strolled down the street,
watching the city unfold and come to life like a flower in the early
morning. The office loomed ahead, and she tried to make herself promise
that she wouldn't get angry that day; the people in the office had seen
enough of her temper and they hardly knew her, she mused. When she finally
got to the doors of the building, all her self confidence deserted her.
"It is customary to walk through the doors once you are in front of them,"
a voice teased her from behind. Lindsay spun around to see Rebecca's
smiling face.
"My legs suddenly forgot how to move," Lindsay replied regretfully.
"There's nothing to be nervous about."
"I know, it's just…my best friend left this morning and now I'm about to
start a new job…" the words tumbled out of her mouth and Rebecca listened
understandingly.
"Come in, I'll give you the grand tour." Rebecca unlocked the door and led
Lindsay inside.
"The grand tour?" Lindsay joked.
"You get coffee at the end, that makes it grand for me," Rebecca replied,
happy that Lindsay was smiling. "This is Bobby's office, but I guess you
know that," she raised her eyebrows pointedly at Lindsay, who blushed
remembering the interview. "This is our conference room, Bobby calls staff
meetings regularly to discuss cases and strategies.
And over here is your desk." She led Lindsay to a desk that was squashed
into a space near the door.
Lindsay wrinkled her nose when she saw it, the wood was chipped and
discoloured and the handles were half hanging off the drawers. "Great," she
told Rebecca unenthusiastically.
"We don't have much free cash floating around here, so things are kind of
run down. And because you're new, you get the…uh…least appealing
furniture."
Lindsay smiled at this description of the desk. She dreaded to think what
the chair would feel like.
"The coffee machine is over here," Rebecca continued leading Lindsay to the
other side of the room. The copier is here too, but let me warn you that it
has as many moods as Bobby. If it plays up, just give it a whack."
"Is that how you deal with Bobby's moods too?" Lindsay laughed.
Rebecca laughed appreciatively, "You learn fast." She pointed to the other
desks in the room, "That's Ellenor's desk and that one is Eugene's. The
filing system looks messy, but there is a system-"
"Are you telling lies again, Bec?" Ellenor laughed as she walked in the
door. "I've been here for three years and I still haven't figured out the
filing system."
Lindsay looked at the boxes and files crammed into every available space
and believed Ellenor.
"There is a system," Rebecca insisted. Ellenor simply laughed in response.
Rebecca looked to Lindsay for help, but Lindsay simply shook her head
regretfully. Rebecca sighed and decided to change the topic.
"Ellenor, Bobby wants Lindsay to help you with your case and for you to
show her around."
"I know, I got the lecture yesterday," Ellenor replied snappily. Rebecca
sent her a warning glare and Lindsay had never felt more uncomfortable in
her life. Ellenor sighed, and looked Lindsay up and down, "How are you at
research?" it was more an order than a question and Lindsay wasn't sure
whether she should respond. Ellenor didn't give her time to ponder the
decision and handed her a file. "Here are some statements from witnesses. I
need you to talk to each person and get as much information from them as
you can. When you've finished that get on the computer and look for past
rulings on searches of cars performed after an alleged crime." Ellenor sat
down and became instantly preoccupied with the file she was holding.
Lindsay stood nearby awkwardly.
"Could you tell me a little about the case first?" she asked nervously.
Ellenor sighed and looked up, "There was a drive by shooting on the
highway; the victim was injured, not killed. Police further down the road
pulled over our client, who had just been duck hunting and accused him of
doing it. They obtained a warrant to search the car and performed the
search at our client's house here in Boston. They found two guns concealed
by a blanket on the backseat, but neither gun matched the bullet that
wounded the victim. Now they are accusing our client of throwing away the
gun on the journey home," she shook her head in exasperation.
"Did your client know the victim?" Lindsay asked.
"No," Ellenor replied.
"The police must have had a reason to arrest him."
Ellenor laughed cynically at Lindsay's naivety, "The police don't need a
reason! They almost never have a logical explanation for arresting people."

"But they must!" Lindsay insisted. "Surely someone would say something if
they arrested an innocent person."
"That doesn't happen, Lindsay. The police are a corrupt bunch of morons who
would rather arrest the wrong person than keep looking for the guilty one."

"But…never mind." Lindsay mumbled and sat down at her new desk. She looked
at the list of numbers in front of her and with a sigh, picked up the
phone.

 *       *       *

Bobby arrived at the office minutes later, causing Rebecca to look
pointedly at her watch. Bobby was almost never late for work and he looked
flustered, she wondered what was wrong. Lindsay was also watching his
arrival keenly, but her eagerness was in vain. He simply waved hello and
proceeded into his office. Lindsay was silently outraged. How could he just
walk past her on her first day at the office? she asked herself. Her fury
came partly from a certain expectation that he would be especially
courteous to her on her first day. She looked at the numbers in front of
her and tried to concentrate on the calls she had to make.

Bobby sat silently at his desk with his briefcase unopened at his side. The
conversation he had had that morning flashed dizzily through his mind. His
surprise at her appearance at his door was foremost in his mind.
"Julia!" he remembered saying through bleary eyes. "What are you doing
here?"
Her sarcastic reply had cut through him, it was the first time her realised
how much he had hurt her.
"I'm certainly not here for you Bobby."
"Then wha-?"
"I came to pick up some things I left behind." She had brushed past him and
began collecting things into a large basket. It took Bobby a few minutes
before he realised that she was taking his things. A battle ensued. It was
an emotionally exhausted Bobby that finally left the apartment, Julia had
practically thrown her set of keys at him when she left and he followed her
silently out to his car.

"Bobby?" Rebecca knocked softly on his door an hour later.
"Hmmm?"
"Mrs. Dickson is here. She says that her son is in trouble again." Bobby
groaned, wishing that Josh Dickson would get his act together, "Hi Lisa.
Have a seat. What has Josh done this time?" He settled in for a long
discussion. He could immediately tell that it
 was going to be a long day.

 *       *       *

Rebecca sat up and stretched, the light outside was fading quickly away and
she wanted to get home before it was completely dark. Lindsay sat at her
desk under the glow of the ancient lamp, still writing diligently on her
legal pad. Ellenor had left over an hour ago, without so much as a goodbye
to Lindsay so she was determined to prove to Ellenor that she was a hard
worker. Eugene had also left earlier, dragged out the door by an eager
Kendall. But Bobby was still cooped up in his office, he had hardly
ventured out all day and Lindsay had realised what Rebecca meant when she
had said that Bobby was moody.

"I'm going home," Rebecca told Lindsay. "What about you?"
"I still have some work to do."
"Don't let Ellenor work you into the ground," Rebecca warned.
"I won't. I'm happy to help her out," Lindsay lied.
Rebecca eyed her sceptically but was too tired to argue. She knocked on
Bobby's door and announced to him that she was leaving. He smiled a brief
goodbye before burying himself again in his work.
"This office is full of dysfunctional people," she muttered to herself.
"Thanks a lot!" Lindsay exclaimed indignantly.
Rebecca laughed in response and waved goodbye. Lindsay felt the emptiness
of the office descend around her as she continued to write. She had neatly
written all of the statements from the witnesses. Each statement was listed
alphabetically by witness's last name. There was also a summary at the end
reviewing the statements. The other pile of papers showed all previous
rulings on car searches. She placed both piles neatly on Ellenor's desk and
sat down again, exhausted.

Bobby looked up from his work when he heard the office door shut behind
Rebecca. He could see a glow still emanating from Lindsay's desk, but
decided that she must have left it on by mistake. He stood up tiredly to
turn it off and was surprised to see her figure still bent over books on
her desk. She looked up and stared at him, almost startled by his
appearance.
"What are you still doing here?" Bobby asked.
Lindsay became defensive and stated the obvious, "Working."
"I can see that," he teased.
"Well what are you still doing here?" Lindsay countered.
"Working," Bobby acknowledged freely. "Did Ellenor give you too much to
do?"
"No, I just wanted to finish it tonight so that I could help her more
tomorrow."
"In other words, she gave you a ton of work to do and you're too stubborn
to admit that it was too much."
Lindsay smiled but said nothing.
"It's late, go home." Bobby told her softly.
"I don't have much to go home to," she sighed.
"Me neither. I'll be surprised if I even have any furniture left." His tone
invited sympathy and Lindsay was happy to comply, "What happened?"
He shrugged, "My ex-girlfriend." He said it as though it was an explanation
by itself.
"Lindsay didn't push him for details. "Well, I'd better go," she said
lamely.
"Have you eaten yet?" Bobby asked.
"No. But I'll make something when I get home."
"I was going to go to the restaurant downstairs for a bite to eat, are you
sure you wouldn't like anything?"
"Well…" Lindsay was tempted. She couldn't think of anything worse than
going home and cooking for herself.
"Consider it a thank you for working so hard on your first day."
"Okay." Lindsay stood up and reached for her coat and purse and followed
Bobby out of the office.

They sat uncomfortably at first, playing with the menus that were placed in
front of them. Lindsay desperately wanted to begin a conversation, but she
could see that Bobby was distracted, so she remained silent. The waitress
took their orders and left hurriedly. Bobby was still dwelling on his
morning's encounter and was oblivious to Lindsay's discomfort. An old
friend of Bobby's, much to Lindsay's relief, interrupted them.
"Bobby!" they turned to greet the man who had a full head of red hair and a
grin that dominated his face.
"Jerry!" Bobby exclaimed when he saw his friend. "It's good to see you!"
Jerry eyed Lindsay questioningly. She smiled back at him and offered her
hand, "I'm Lindsay Dole. I work for Bobby." Instead of shaking her hand he
kissed it dramatically, causing Bobby to shake his head apologetically at
Lindsay. She simply smiled.
"Don't scare her away, Jerry. She's a hard worker."
"If anything scares her away, Bobby, it will be your working habits." He
turned to Lindsay to confide in her. "Did you know that he practically
lives at that office of his? He never stops working."
"I can handle that," Lindsay responded lightly.
"Wow. This is serious." Jerry shook his head soberly. Bobby laughed and
gestured for him to sit down.
"Actually, I'm here with a date," Jerry winked conspiratorially at Bobby
and Lindsay rolled her eyes.
"Bring her over too."
"I'll ask her," He loped away and soon returned with a pretty girl with
hair as red as his.
"Sarah!" Bobby exclaimed when he saw the girl.
"Hi, Bobby," she responded cheerfully. She bent down and gave him a
smacking kiss on the cheek. She saw Lindsay. "Where's Julia?" she demanded.

"Uh…we broke up."
Sarah looked at Lindsay as though she were the reason for the break up.
Bobby saw the look and introduced them.
"Sarah O'Keefe, this is Lindsay Dole. Lindsay started working at the firm
today. Sarah is a friend of the family's," he explained to Lindsay. He
looked between Jerry and Sarah, "I had no idea that the two of you were
seeing each other."
"It just sort of happened." Jerry replied. They finally sat down and looked
at Lindsay expectantly.
"I'll be the first to ask," Jerry announced. "Why did you break up with
Julia and why are you taking an employee out to dinner?"
His tone was teasing, and Lindsay couldn't resist the cheerful  Irishman.
"I can't answer the first question," she told him, "But regarding the
second, we've both had long tiring days and neither of us want to go home
to our empty apartments, so we decided to delay the inevitable and come
here first."
"And the answer to the first question?" Sarah looked questioningly at
Bobby. Her tone was more serious.
"To use Jerry's words, it just sort of happened. It fell apart. Rebecca's
happy – she couldn't stand Julia."
"She was kind of temperamental at times." Jerry stated diplomatically.
"That's an understatement," replied Sarah. She turned to Lindsay and
confided, "Julia was a major pain in the butt."
Lindsay giggled but saw Bobby's hurt face and stopped. Sarah and Jerry also
saw his reaction and decided that they had joked about it enough.
"How long have you been working at the firm?" Jerry asked Lindsay
seriously.
"I started today."
"One day?"
"Yep."
"And is he paying you well?"
Lindsay looked at Bobby speculatively, "Well…"
"That's all the answer I need." Jerry announced. He turned to Bobby. "You
need a financial plan so that you can afford to keep your lovely
employees."
Bobby rolled his eyes as though he had heard it all before, "The firm is
doing just fine."
"That's what you always say, Bobby. Just listen to me for one second. I
could draw you up a plan that will mean that for the first time in your
life, you will be saving money and paying everybody a hell of a lot more
than you do now. Just think about it.
"We're fine, Jerry." Bobby replied stubbornly. Lindsay realised how touchy
he was about his firm and that he didn't handle criticism very well.
"Don't listen to him, Bobby." Sarah soothed. "He tries to sell everybody a
financial plan. He told my mother that if she sold the cookies to the local
bakery, she could be set for life." Sarah rolled her eyes. Lindsay laughed.
She had no idea that Bobby had such cheerful friends. The food finally came
and they chatted easily while they ate. Sarah kept Lindsay amused with her
dry remarks and revelations about Bobby. She was seeing a different side to
Bobby that night and wasn't sure what to think of it. He was being
lighthearted and friendly, a far cry from the moody and depressed Bobby
that had arrived at work that day. Even Jerry's insistence that Bobby meet
him for a discussion about the future of the firm couldn't bring him down.
Lindsay found that she liked this new Bobby and was disheartened to find
that he was not responding to her the same way that she was to him.

But Bobby was realising that his employee was not who he thought she was.
He watched her talking easily with his friends, not bothered by the fact
that she had never met them before. He liked that she wasn't easily
flustered by new situations and began to look forward to the day he could
watch her in court.

Their eyes continued to meet briefly over the table and the glances didn't
go unnoticed by Sarah. She looked speculatively at Bobby, wondering what
was going on. It wasn't like him to make social arrangements with an
employee, and both he and Lindsay had looked slightly red in the face when
they had first joined them at the table. Sarah stood up and looked at the
others, "I need to powder my nose."
Lindsay also stood and smiled, "I'll join you."
They left and the two men watched their backs with amusement. As soon as
they were out of hearing range Jerry turned to Bobby, "Well?" he asked.
"Well what?"
"What's going on between you and Lindsay?"
"Nothing!"
"Yeah right."
"She began work today and worked really hard. We were alone at the office
and I thought that I'd say thankyou by taking her down here for something
to eat. That's all."
Jerry looked at him with disbelief, "You say that you are taking a
beautiful woman out to dinner as a thankyou for working hard?" he shook his
head. "Bobby, have you always been so dense?"
Bobby shrugged, "I hate to say it, Jerry. But that is all that it is."

Sarah and Lindsay stood at the mirror in the bathroom. Sarah looked at
Lindsay curiously.
"How do you like working with Bobby?" she asked innocently.
Lindsay laughed, "I've only been there for one day. But he seems nice."
"Nice? Most women add three or four adjectives to that description!"
"Well, he is good looking. But I chose to work there because I'm interested
in working in criminal law."
"Uh huh," Sarah said doubtfully.
Lindsay turned to face her, "If you want to know the truth, he seems pretty
pigheaded to me and he's moody and hard to please. Is that a good enough
description?"
"Whoa! What made you think these things?"
"Every time we talk he acts different. I just can't figure him out," she
told Sarah sadly.
"He's a hard person to get to know," Sarah acknowledged. "But once you do
know him, he's very sweet and caring and fair. He gives everybody his time,
no matter who they are or how much money they have. Why else do you think
he has so much financial trouble?"
Lindsay remained silent, looking at her hands.
"You like him," Sarah commented softly.
Lindsay felt tears prick at her eyes, "I don't really know him."
"It took Jerry about a year to realise that we were right for each other. I
kept giving the signals, but he never saw them. It was so frustrating!"
Lindsay smiled.
"Men are pretty slow sometimes, subtlety is completely lost on them," Sarah
told her comfortingly. "Give him time. You'd make a good couple." They
headed back to the table, both lost in thought.

After coffee, Jerry and Sarah finally stood up and smiled apologetically at
Lindsay and Bobby.
"We have to go." Jerry announced sadly. "Bobby, don't do anything that will
get you sued for sexual harassment. Lindsay, I hope we meet again soon."
"It was nice to meet both of you." Lindsay replied. Lindsay and Bobby
watched the red headed couple leave and turned awkwardly to each other. To
break the silence, she looked at Bobby, "They are really friendly people; I
enjoyed meeting them."
Bobby smiled reflectively, "They are very good friends. But I wish Jerry
would get off my case about the financial situation of the firm."
Lindsay wasn't sure how to respond, "Is the firm in trouble?" she asked
gently.
"Not really. We just won a big case. But…"
"But?"
"Well, I have this dream to have a successful firm with enough money to
take on pro bono cases. I'd also like to make it a little more attractive
to the richer clients."
"The drug dealers?" Lindsay joked.
"They are our richest clients." Bobby replied.
"Well it's your firm, Bobby. If you want to change it, you have the power
to do it."
"Power isn't all you need. There's this thing called money…we don't have a
lot of that," Bobby told her ruefully. He had got over his prejudice
against Lindsay having a wealthy background, but he wished that he could
offer her what the other firms had offered her in terms of benefits.
Lindsay saw the longing on his face and tried to brighten up the mood.
"I like the firm, Bobby. I even like how Ellenor is trying to work me into
the ground."
"I'll talk to her."
"No, don't. I'd rather earn her respect."
"Well you've earned mine," Bobby said, surprising himself with his
frankness.
Lindsay smiled to herself, "Now I had better get some sleep to prepare
myself for another day of slavery," she laughed.
"I'll just get the check," he pulled out his wallet.
"No…I'll pay." Lindsay insisted.
Their eyes met and they fought a silent battle with each other. Lindsay won
and handed over her Visa card.

Bobby walked Lindsay to her car and they stood awkwardly, unsure how to say
goodbye. Lindsay, on impulse, kissed him slightly on the cheek. "Thanks,"
she said inadequately. She jumped into the drivers seat and he watched her
drive away. He smiled. The evening had been a surprise to him, he had found
himself enjoying her company more than he expected and his cheek tingled
from where her kiss had touched him. It sure beat working in the office all
evening. He looked from the office to the direction of his home and
realised that he couldn't face going home to an empty apartment. He headed
back to the office.

Lindsay watched Bobby in the rear vision mirror for as long as she could.
She repeated Sarah's words in her head. Give him time. Give him time. She
smiled reflectively, it had been a good night.

 END PART 10
Title: In the Absence of Fear, Part 11

Author: Alison (a.c.barker@student.murdoch.edu.au)

Author's note: Isn't it strange how some parts are so much easier to write
than others! This part just seemed to flow so easily, but the  last part
required hours of agony before I was happy with the result.  It's Lindsay's
turn, 9 years after the firm began. We're still  waiting for the moment
when she and Bobby…well you know…Anyway,  enjoy! Oh and thanks to Livvy who
deemed this part acceptable for
public review.

Disclaimer: Not my characters…no financial gain…they belong  to ABC  and
DEK…yada yada yada.

 **************************************************

The dark building was shrouded with an expectant hush. Ellenor's  footsteps
echoed down the hall and the elevator closed noisily behind  her. She had
tossed and turned all night and had finally given up in  the early hours of
the morning, deciding that it would be better to  work than try to sleep.
Her usual coffee cup was held in one hand  while she slid the key into the
lock. As she opened the door she saw  a dim glow coming from Bobby's
office, but otherwise the office was  dark and silent. She squinted at her
watch. 4 a.m. She yawned and  quietly opened Bobby's door. His head was
down and intently focussed  on his legal pad. He had always preferred to
write out his arguments  rather than type them. Ellenor continually tried
to sell him the  merits of the computer to his old fashioned soul, but he
could not be  converted. She quietly called hello and he looked up with
hazy eyes.  His appearance made her smile.
"Tough case?" she asked sympathetically.
Bobby stretched, his vertebrae cracking into place as he  straightened.
"Not really. I just needed to work."
"Ah." Ellenor nodded understandingly.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Rebecca told me that you broke up with Julia," Ellenor revealed.
"I should have known. Its impossible to keep a secret in this place."  He
paused and looked at her critically, "What's your excuse for being  here?"
"Couldn't sleep."
"Were you feeling guilty?"
"Guilty? About what?" Ellenor scoffed.
"About treating Lindsay like dirt."
Ellenor's face reddened, but Bobby continued oblivious, "She was here  for
hours after you left. And if you have a look at your desk, you'll  find a
file containing every possible question and answer that  pertains to your
case, all catalogued logically. I read it. It was  amazing."
"I didn't ask her to do that…" Ellenor trailed off.
"Try to be more understanding, Ellie. She just wants some respect."
"She needs to learn that if she wants to succeed in this business,  she
needs to work hard."
"I think she understands that already. If you can't be nice, I'll get  her
to help Eugene tomorrow."
"Today," Ellenor corrected.
"Today then." He looked at her questioningly and she nodded her  assent.
"Good," he answered, half looking at his watch. "I'm going home. I'll  be
keeping an eye on you," he threatened jokingly. She smiled half  heartedly
and wandered over to her desk. The file was centred  perfectly in front of
her chair and she opened it carefully. Page  after page revealed a well
written account of each witness, with  questions that she never would have
dreamed of asking. At the end,  Ellenor carefully scrutinised a summary of
the witnesses and  Lindsay's thoughts on the matter. Ellenor shook her head
with  disbelief. She had laughed to herself when she had given the orders
to Lindsay the day before, but now she was sobered by the fact that
Lindsay had accepted the challenge and responded accordingly. She  repeated
Bobby's words in her head, be nice; be nice. With that  thought in mind,
Ellenor booted up the computer and began to work.

 *    *    *

Lindsay felt much more confident when she entered the office that  morning.
She looked defiantly in Ellenor's direction, hoping  fervently that
yesterday's hard work had been appreciated. Ellenor  met her gaze
neutrally.
"Morning," Lindsay greeted carefully.
"Morning," Ellenor replied.
Bobby walked in behind Lindsay and immediately saw the two women  sizing
each other up and attempted to end it.
"Good morning," he said loudly. Neither of them looked up.
"Morning," they replied in unison.
He sighed and wondered why he didn't hire men instead of women.  "Lindsay,
can I see you in my office, please."
"Sure," she replied and followed him inside, glad to have the distraction
from Ellenor.
"I know you didn't want me to say anything to Ellenor, but-" he began.
Lindsay spun to face him, "What did you say to her?" she demanded.
"I am the boss here and it is my job to make sure everyone is getting
along. I just asked her to be a bit more helpful and considerate of your
inexperience."
"I asked you not to say anything! I wanted to sort it out myself."
"I'm sorry. If you have any further problems with Ellenor you can help
Eugene or me instead. Okay?"
Lindsay nodded meekly. She liked Eugene and she knew it would be easier to
help him than battle it out with Ellenor, but she wasn't one to step down
from a fight.
"I'll be fine," she told him firmly.
"Regardless of what happens today, I have a hearing in court at two. If you
want to come along you can."
"And pass you glasses of water?" she replied sarcastically.
"Any court experience will be good for you. Nobody's perfect you know."
"I know. I'm sorry. I'd love to come."
"Fine. We'll leave at 1:30."
"Okay." Lindsay left the office and faced Ellenor with determination. "What
would you like me to do today?"
Ellenor gave her a mysterious smile. "Actually, I have a meeting with  a
client. You can come along."
"Oh," Lindsay uttered, surprised at this offer. "I'd like that."
"Great, let's go."

Lindsay followed her out of the office and to her car. It was an old  car
that had enjoyed the weather over its years; the resultant rust  slowly
consumed the majority of the exterior.
"This is old Betsy." Ellenor told her jokingly.
"You name your cars?" Lindsay asked incredulously. Naming cars was  the
kind of thing that her brother did.
"It's a tradition in my family. Our cars have always had names."
"We never named our cars. I guess we never had them long enough to  get
attached to them."
Ellenor rolled her eyes. It was obvious that Lindsay had had a  privileged
upbringing.
"Betsy has a little trouble with hills. Don't worry, though, she  never
breaks down," she warned Lindsay.
Lindsay raised an eyebrow, "Are you sure you don't want to take my  car?"
"No. We'll be fine."
"Okaaay." She buckled her seatbelt securely.

They drove in silence until Ellenor pulled up at the jail. She was  hoping
that Lindsay would be nervous about being at the maximum-  security jail,
but Lindsay looked on noncommittally. They opened  their briefcases and
allowed themselves to be patted down. Lindsay  tried to keep a neutral face
for Ellenor, but couldn't help but  grimace at the end. Ellenor smiled at
the reaction and they continued  on to the small meeting room where their
client was handcuffed and  waiting.
"Who's this young thing?" he whistled appreciatively.
"This is our new associate Lindsay Dole. She'll be helping me with  the
case. Lindsay, this is Barry Walsh."
Lindsay nodded. The drive-by-shooter. She sat next to Ellenor and  admired
her professionalism as she took Barry through all the  proceedings that
would happen before the trial. Ellenor finally  turned to Lindsay and said
to Barry, "Lindsay has talked to all the  witnesses and she found some
information that will help our case."  Lindsay couldn't believe that
Ellenor had just praised her. Barry  also looked at her with new respect.
"But I thought you said that the witnesses would really hurt us in  the
trial." He commented.
"They still will. But I'll be able to cross examine them a lot more
effectively now."
"So you're saying we have a chance."
"A very slim chance, Barry. I still recommend that you take a deal."
"I didn't do it, Ellenor. Just work your magic and get me acquitted."
"I'm not a magician," she sighed. "Okay. No deal. I'll see you next  week."

They left the prison as quickly as they arrived and it wasn't until  they
were seated in Betsy again that Lindsay broke the silence.  "Why is he in a
maximum security jail? He hasn't even reached trial  yet."
"He's been convicted of assault twice and manslaughter once, so he's  not
your friendly neighbourhood thief. He was denied bail, which is  ridiculous
since he's charged with attempted murder, not murder."
"Oh. Have you handled a murder case yet?"
"Bobby and Eugene usually take the important cases. But I've been  first
chair on one murder case."
"Did you win?"
Ellenor nodded modestly, "It was an easy case to win, though. The  evidence
was all circumstantial."
"I can't wait til I get a big case." Lindsay said wistfully.
Ellenor decided that she had been nice for long enough and replied  with a
small nod of the head. "Today, I'd like you to get up to speed  on the rest
of this case. Rebecca can help you with locating files. I  have no idea
where she puts them."
"Okay."
They relapsed into silence.

 *    *    *

Bobby reappeared from his office to hand Rebecca a file that needed  to be
couriered to the courthouse.
"Where are Ellenor and Lindsay?" he asked.
"Meeting with Barry Walsh."
"She took Lindsay?"
"Yes. I thought you wanted Ellenor to include Lindsay more."
"I did, but she shouldn't have to see the jail on her second day."
"She'll have to see it sometime. It may as well be sooner rather than
later."
"But with Ellenor?"
"Stop trying to protect her, Bobby. She can fight her own battles."
"I know," he sighed and rubbed his face.
"What time did you go home last night?" Rebecca asked curiously.
"I'm not sure. About four this morning?"
"Bobby," she criticised sternly. "You should have gone home earlier.  What
time did Lindsay leave?"
"Just after you," Bobby replied, deciding not to reveal all the  details.
"Good. If she wants to stay late again, order her to go home. I will  not
allow everyone in this office to become workaholics," she  declared.
"I don't know where we'd be without you, Bec," he told her truthfully.
She smiled with assent, "You'd be completely lost."

 *    *    *

Lindsay walked into court proudly that afternoon with Bobby striding
confidently by her side. It was an amazing feeling for her to be  suddenly
respected. But the respect wasn't all good. Bobby also  got  some cold
stares from various people and many steered a wide berth so  they wouldn't
have to come in contact with him. Bobby seemed  oblivious to most of it. He
treated the whole building as though it  were his own and the dominance
showed clearly on his face. Lindsay  hurried after him.
"How was Ellenor this morning?" Bobby asked conversationally.
"Good. She actually paid me a compliment."
"What's your take on Barry Walsh?" Bobby asked, genuinely interested.
Lindsay was surprised that he was interested in what she thought. She
shrugged noncommittally, "I think he may be innocent."
"Why?"
"I just have this feeling."
"That's professional," Bobby teased her. "Did they teach you that at
Harvard?"
Lindsay jutted her chin out defiantly. "Don't mess with a woman's
intuition, Bobby," she warned.
"I learned that lesson a long time ago!" he paused and regarded her
thoughtfully. "Any other thoughts?"
"It's going to be a tough case. All the witnesses remember seeing his  car,
but they got little details wrong. But the sheer weight of  numbers that
can place him at the scene will be detrimental to the  case.  I think
Ellenor should focus on the little details that all  the witnesses got
wrong and hopefully make the jury think that the  witnesses can't be
trusted." She paused remembering Ellenor's  praise. "The DA doesn't seem to
have much of a case. It's all  circumstantial." She met Bobby's sparkling
eyes.
"Is that all?"
She shrugged, "I've only been here for two days."
Bobby laughed. "I'll tell you a little about this case. The client is
Peter Birch and is very important to the firm…he has us on a huge
retainer. The DA's office have been trying to nail him for drug  dealing
for years, but they never quite get there. They've put him on  trial three
times, but we've had him acquitted each time. This time  they may have
enough to nail him. Today is just a preliminary  hearing. We're disputing
the validity of two of the DA's witnesses.  They will be very detrimental
to our case."
"Who are they?"
"One of them is a past client of Peter's. A jailhouse confessor. He's  been
the centre of two other big drug trials and convictions have  been handed
out based on what he says. He's dangerous. The other is a  family member of
a girl who allegedly died of a drug overdose."
Lindsay nodded, soaking in all the information.
"Just listen. If you have any questions ask me at the end." He led  her
into the courtroom and to the front of the room. Lindsay suddenly  felt the
shock of finally being at the defense table. She felt the  curious stares
of the people in the gallery and she tried to look  professionally by
taking out her legal pad and pouring a glass of  water. Bobby saw the
stilted actions and smiled to himself. She was  human after all, he thought
with amusement. Judge Hiller finally  appeared before them and he and
Lindsay stood until they were  beckoned to be seated.

The judge looked to Bobby to begin and he stood and began his spiel  about
the case that they were fighting and the irrelevance of two of  the
witnesses on the DA's list. Lindsay was impressed with his  composure as he
outlined his case. Hiller interjecting and disputing  his points never
ruffled him. She looked at him with admiration as he  sat down next to her
and she watched the DA, who seemed much less  organised in comparison.
Hiller listened to both arguments carefully  and decided that the jailhouse
confessor could remain on the list,  but the family member could not.
Lindsay turned to Bobby,  disappointed by their loss. He was smiling when
he met her  gaze. "What's so funny?" she asked.
"I wasn't expecting her to take either of them off the list. It was  just a
delay tactic."
The DA approached also with a smile on his face, "We'll go light on
sentencing if you get him to plead guilty, Bobby."
"He insists on his innocence. It would be against his principles to  take a
deal," Bobby argued.
The DA scoffed, "Yeah right. Well you didn't get my confessor, so I'm
happy." He leaned forward conspiratorially, "I wasn't going to call  the
other witness anyway!"
Bobby laughed and watched the DA leave.
"He's not angry that you got rid of one of his witnesses?"  He looked at
her strangely, "No. Although we are enemies in the  courtroom, most of us
are on fairly good terms outside."
"When's the trial?"
"In two weeks."
"Could I..uh…" she trailed off and looked up to meet his gaze,
"Could I help you with this case?"
He raised an eyebrow, "You're just using me to get back into court  again,"
he accused her.
She lowered her gaze, "Well…I am also genuinely interested in the  case."
"Oh, you find drug cases that fascinating, do you? I'll have to  remember
that in the future." He felt like he had tormented her long  enough, "Yes,
you can help me with the case if you want."
Her smile was worth the torment. They walked comfortably back to the
street.

 *    *    *

Much to Rebecca's relief, Lindsay didn't work late that  afternoon. As
soon as the clock struck five she was packing up her bag and dosing  out
hurried goodbyes. Rebecca realised that the impact that Lindsay  had had on
the office so far was priceless. Bobby was staring  thoughfully into space
whenever he was left alone for five minutes,  Ellenor seemed to always have
a determined look on her face as if  trying to come up with new challenges
for the young associate and  Eugene was openly impressed by her talent.
Rebecca couldn't complain;  it was about time Bobby began thinking about
something other than  himself and Ellenor needed to be put in her place.
Ellenor walked in  at that moment and smiled at Rebecca, "Lindsay left
early today," she  commented.
"No thanks to you," Rebecca returned snidely.
"I wasn't too hard on her today. Did you see the see the stars in her  eyes
when she came back from court with Bobby?" Ellenor remarked.
"Bobby says that she's perceptive. She has your case all figured out."
"Maybe she'll share her genius with me some time."
"She will if you give her a chance."
"I can't believe how everybody's on my back about this. Nobody was  this
nice to me when I joined the firm!" Ellenor slammed her  briefcase down and
stalked into Bobby's office. Rebecca counted to  ten and followed. They
found Eugene sitting on the sofa and Bobby  sprawled in his favourite
armchair, quietly discussing their cases.  Ellenor pulled up a chair and
sighed, glad to be off her feet.
"How was trial today?" she asked Eugene.
He waved his hand evasively, "We'll lose, but today was better than I
expected." He paused and regarded Ellenor critically. "We were just
talking about Lindsay."
"Oh please. Is she everybody's favourite topic or something?"
"We were just figuring out what cases we have over the next couple of
months. She wants to help Bobby with his drug trial next week-"
Ellenor raised an eyebrow, "I wonder why?" she muttered under her  breath.
Bobby heard her and frowned, "It's not like that at all, Ellenor."
"I didn't say anything," she claimed innocently.
"Anyway, I'd like her to help me in two weeks. I've got the Johansen  case
and I'll need some help," Eugene finished, ignoring Bobby's and Ellenor's
exchange.
"Fine." Ellenor said.
"Fine." Bobby repeated.
Eugene shook his head, "Fine," he said under his breath.
Rebecca watched silently and laughed to herself with amusement.

 *    *    *

Lindsay mentally calculated the math in her head. 5 pm in Boston  meant 11
pm in Paris. Except Helen would be in Nice so it was  probably closer to
midnight, she realised. She picked up the phone  and dialled the number
that Helen had left her.
"Hello?" the voice sounded wide awake to Lindsay and she almost  collapsed
with relief.
"Helen! It's Lindsay."
She waited while her voice bounced off satellites to France.
"Lindsay!" the voice bounced back, it squeal unmistakable.
Lindsay grinned. "How's France?" she asked.
"A disaster!" Helen said with despair.
"Why? What happened?"
"You won't believe me if I tell you!"
"Try me," Lindsay begged.
"I went out to the beach on my first day and looked at all the tanned
bodies. Mine was ghostly white in comparison. I thought that I'd buy  some
tanning lotion to make my body look more appealing for those  Frenchmen who
aren't blind. Just until I got a genuine tan"
Lindsay giggled, guessing the ending. "How bad is it?"
"Lindsay! I'm orange!" she yelled. Lindsay held the phone away from  her
ear. She laughed out loud.
"It'll wash off."
"Yeah, in 6 to 8 days. I'll have to live in my hotel room until  then."
Helen calmed herself down. "What's been happening with you?"
"Just work," Lindsay replied casually.
"Anything interesting, or am I supposed to guess?"
"Well, I went to jail to talk to a client and then I went to court to  free
a drug dealer. You know…just work."
Helen made a disgusted sound on the other end, "How was court?"
"It was great…I mean I didn't get to say anything…but…but  it was  still
exciting…I can't wait."
"Yeah well, just wait til I get back. You tell Mr. Donnell that he can
expect to lose some of his cases when I begin work."
"Funny." Lindsay replied.
"How is the great Mr. Donnell anyway?"
"He's fine," Lindsay said evasively.
"Ooh. I think I can hear someone trying to hide something from  me…"
"I'm not trying to hide anything Helen, I just don't know him  well  enough
to comment on his mental and emotional state."
"I'll get all the details out of you when I get home. Hell, the French
authorities may send me home when they see what colour my skin is! I'd
better go, Lindsay. I'm going to have a tiring day tomorrow."
"I thought you were going to spend all week in your hotel room."
"I am. I'll watch French TV all day and you know how bad my French is. It's
going to be exhausting."
"Don't work too hard." Lindsay told her sarcastically. "Call me sometime."
"I will. Ciao!"
"That's Italian, Helen. No wonder you can't understand French TV!"
"Whatever! Bye."
"Bye."
Lindsay hung up the phone with regret. She missed Helen more that she could
ever reveal and just wanted to have a serious talk to her friend. Tears
pricked at her eyes. Don't be stupid, she told herself  sternly, you've had
a good day and next week will get even better. With exhaustion, she fell
into a dreamless sleep on the couch.

 END PART 11

Title: In the Absence of Fear, part 12

Author: Alison (a.c.barker@student.murdoch.edu.au)

Author's note: Thanks to all those who have provided feedback so far.
Thanks especially to Livvy and Michal for their stamp of approval (their
standards are so high, I'm not sure how this one passed!). Anyway, before
this becomes like an Oscar speech, I'll get on with the story.

Disclaimer: You know the drill. See part one for more clarification.

**************************************

The week wore on and Lindsay found herself feeling more and more lonely
without Helen around. She dreaded going home at night and as a result spent
as many hours at the office as Bobby. They often found themselves working
in companionable silence in the small office, late at night. Rebecca tried
everything short of literally dragging Lindsay to get her away from work at
a reasonable hour and even Ellenor was impressed with Lindsay's stamina. It
was a week later that the nightly routine changed and Lindsay was suddenly
thrown head on into her fantasies.

"Lindsay, did you find anything interesting on the detective?" Bobby
emerged from the office, a pile of files in his arms and his favourite
coffee mug slung over his thumb. In the process of putting the files on
Rebecca's desk, the top papers began to slide, taking the rest of the files
with them. In an effort to stop the avalanche, Bobby swung his arm and the
coffee cup went flying across the room. Lindsay smiled. Bobby swore and
bent to pick up the papers, banging his head on Rebecca's desk as he did
so. Swearing again, he looked up at Lindsay to see her trying to stifle a
smile, her eyes twinkling. "Do you find this funny?" he grumbled.

Lindsay finally couldn't help it anymore and laughed out loud. He
stubbornly continued to pick up his papers and Lindsay found herself
swallowing her laughter. She knelt next to him and helped him gather them
up.
Mock serious, she asked, "Are you alright?"
He could hear the lilt in her voice and tried not to smile, "No, my head
hurts."
She made a sympathetic face and in a baby voice teased him, "Oh poor baby,
should I kiss it better?"
"Are you mocking me?" he asked, this time unable to hide his smile.
She put on an innocent face, "Of course not, I'm genuinely concerned!"
He ignored the last comment and went in search of his coffee cup, finding
it hidden under Ellenor's desk.
"The detective?" Bobby asked, remembering why he had come out of his office
in the first place.
"Umm…he's clean. From all reports he never breaks the rules and plays by
the book."
"No illegal searches, rough handling of criminals…?"
"Nope. He's almost a saint."
Bobby considered Lindsay critically, "I've put together all my arguments,
and I'd like to hear your opinion. Come into my office when you're ready."
Lindsay nodded mutely and followed him in. She sat down in his armchair,
and looked at him expectantly. She felt proud that he considered her
opinion so important but was disheartened when he told her, "You can be the
thirteenth juror. I want to know what the mood is in the courtroom and
whether I should play it hard or soft." he told her seriously.
"A juror?" she asked with dismay.
He looked at her strangely. "Are you okay?"
She met his eyes with surprise, "I'm fine…why?"
"Firstly, you're sitting in my chair." He teased. She stood up to move to
the sofa, but he put up his hand to stop her. "And…I don't know…you've been
acting strangely all week."
Lindsay felt defensive, "I'm fine!" she repeated emphatically.
"Okay…I was just wondering…"
They began to work and they soon became engrossed with the case. The phone
rang hours later and Lindsay listened as Bobby's voice changed from
cheerful to terse.
"I'm busy right now…no I can't meet you there. I told you I'm busy…" he
sighed and looked at Lindsay apologetically. She mouthed that she would
wait outside but he waved for her to sit back down.
"Julia…" he continued. "Julia, I'm free this weekend. Can it wait until
then?…I can't change my whole life for you…that's who I am, Julia…I'll see
you this weekend…goodbye." He hung up and took a deep breath before facing
Lindsay again. When he finally turned around, she was looking at him with
widened eyes.
"Ex-girlfriend?" she asked sympathetically.
He rubbed his eyes tiredly, "Yeah."
"Look Bobby, we can continue this tomorrow. You look tired."
"No, I'll be fine."
"Uh huh," she said sceptically.
He smiled ruefully, "I'm sorry that you had to hear that."
"I survived my parent's divorce, I think I can handle one phone call." She
looked at him curiously, "Has she always been so difficult to please?" He
looked as if he didn't want to talk about it and she hurriedly added, "I'm
sorry. It's none of my business."
"No…" he paused. "The answer to your question is no. She used to be very
forgiving and sweet. I guess I turned her into what she is now." He shook
his head sadly.
"Don't be silly, Bobby. She may be feeling hurt, but I don't believe that
you made her bitter."
He looked at her hopefully.
"Woman's intuition, remember?" she added sweetly.
He laughed and put his file down, "Have you heard from your friend Helen?"
Lindsay was surprised at this sudden transformation. She shook her head, "I
called her last week and she promised to call me sometime, but she must be
having too good a time. Or else she's been arrested," Lindsay shrugged her
shoulders as if the two events were analogous.
Bobby gave her a strange look. "Arrested?"
"I was joking." She added hurriedly.
He looked at her curiously, "Have you ever been arrested?"
"What? No!" she lowered her eyes.
"You have!' he declared triumphantly.
"It was all a big mistake. We were at a party." She shook her head,
remembering. "We weren't even invited, but we gatecrashed as usual."
"As usual?" he asked with twinkling eyes, amazed at this new Lindsay that
he was hearing about.
"When you're with Helen, you have to expect the unexpected…her favourite
quote is 'You're only young once, but you can stay immature forever'," she
smiled.
"And this woman is going to be a DA?" he asked incredulously.
"Oh she can be serious when she wants to…anyway, the party got out of hand
and the police arrived. I was searching for Helen…she had ditched me as
usual…I wanted to leave, but two policemen grabbed me. I tried to tell them
that I was just looking for my friend, but they didn't listen and shoved me
into a police car. Turns out they were looking for a woman who matched my
description that was selling drugs at the party. When they realised their
mistake they tried to cover it up and accused me of drinking underage…" she
laughed. "But I was twenty-four. They let me go without calling my
parents." She laughed. "Helen spent the whole night searching for me. She
swore never to ditch me again." Bobby watched the smile fade from Lindsay's
face. He felt the sudden urge to comfort her and was amazed by the strength
of this feeling. Lindsay felt the stupid tears prick at her eyes for the
millionth time that week, and wiped them quickly away, hoping that Bobby
wouldn't notice. She smiled wetly, "Look at us both. You've broken up with
your girlfriend and I've lost my best friend. Not a cheerful couple of
lawyers, are we?"
"Not really." Bobby was overcome by another urge to touch her. He reached
out and wiped a tear from her cheek. Lindsay sat paralysed in her seat. The
one touch had been electric and she felt that if she moved, she would give
her feelings away. Bobby watched her closely for a reaction and when he saw
none, he sat back in his seat, increasing the distance between them.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"No…uh…don't…don't be sorry." She replied. Her mouth was dry and cottony.
He stood up abruptly, "Maybe we should continue this tomorrow," he
suggested brusquely, trying to hide his unhappiness.
Lindsay felt sick with disappointment. Her body had been electrified,
waiting for the follow-up to the touch and she realised now that it
wouldn't come. She stood and gathered her things together.
"So we'll continue tomorrow?" she asked stiltedly.
"Sure," he agreed, just as stiffly.
"Bobby…" she began, unsure what she wanted to say.
"I…uh…don't be sorry. I think we're both looking for something to ease the
loneliness…and it's been a long week…" she trailed off, realising that she
wasn't sounding coherent. Bobby nodded, realising that she was giving him a
way out. "I'll be more like myself tomorrow," he promised her.
"Okay. Goodnight."
He watched her walk out of the office, her shoulders still squared and her
back straight. As soon as the door shut behind her, Lindsay felt her
shoulders slump and her body give way. She leaned against the wall for
support and mentally kicked herself for expecting Bobby to share her
feelings. She hadn't even realised that she felt so strongly for him until
he had touched her and now she ached to have him touch her again. She had
never felt more alone.

Bobby sat for a long time, watching the door that Lindsay had just
disappeared through. He was lost in thought. 'It's stupid to feel this
way,' he told himself sternly. 'You're feeling lonely and Lindsay doesn't
deserve to be the rebound girl…plus she's an employee'. He realised that
regardless of his feelings, she hadn't responded to his affection anyway.
She was always sweet, but slightly aloof and Bobby rarely got the feeling
that she was genuinely interested in him. He sighed with resignation and
went back to his office.

*    *    *

It was with a tingling of nervousness that Lindsay approached the office
the next day. Half of her hoped that Bobby would say something about the
night before and the other half hoped that he wouldn't. She sighed. Her
mind had been rehashing the situation all night and she felt exhausted.

Eugene saw her walking slowly towards the building and ran to catch up with
her.
"Lindsay!" he called. She continued as if she hadn't heard him. He finally
reached her and touched her shoulder to get her attention. She spun as
though she had been electrocuted but relaxed when she saw Eugene.
"Eugene! You surprised me!"
"I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay," she laughed, relieved to have a distraction.
"We haven't talked since you arrived. How are you liking the firm?"
"Now that Ellenor has me off her blacklist, I'm fine," she joked.
"Ellenor likes to test people before she trusts them completely," he told
her.
"I know. But in answer to your question, I like the firm a lot. Bobby
seems…fair," she finished lamely.
"He is fair," Eugene agreed. "You'll be in court in no time."
"I still have to pass the bar," Lindsay told him despondently.
"You'll do fine. Have you been studying?"
"No," she moaned. "I've been too caught up in helping everybody with their
cases."
"I'll tell you a secret," Eugene confided. He leaned closer to her and
whispered, "I didn't study for mine."
"Really?" she asked incredulously. "How did you pass?"
He shrugged. "I have no idea. I asked myself the same thing when I got the
results."
"Why didn't you study?"
"Uh…well…Sharon was pregnant with Kendall and we had no money. She had to
quit her job and I was working two jobs to cope. The firm that hired me
wasn't too happy about me studying during work hours so I just didn't
study. The day of the exam I woke up early and crammed as much as I could."
He shrugged, "I passed."
Lindsay laughed. Eugene was the first person to tell her not to worry about
the exam. She tilted her head; "You must have been young when you married
Sharon."
"Too young," he confirmed.
"Do you regret it?" She asked him seriously.
"No…regret isn't the right word…we should have followed the advice of our
families and waited, but it felt right at the time and who can argue with
that? I'll never regret it."
He glanced at her solemnly and saw the intensity on her face.
"This topic is much too serious for 8 am." He commented. "Has Bobby told
you what you'll be doing today?"
"I think we'll be discussing the strategy for his drug case. He wants me to
be like a thirteenth juror."
Eugene looked at her thoughtfully. "And you'd rather be making the
arguments?"
Lindsay was surprised at how easily he had interpreted her thoughts. "No!
Well…yes. But I know that I can't say anything… obviously I'm not
qualified. I just wish that he'd give me a more central role in the trial."

"It is important for Bobby to have feedback on what the jury is thinking.
And there isn't much else you can do at the moment. Be patient, Lindsay.
You'll get your turn one day."
"I know," she sighed. When they reached the office she turned to him with
twinkling eyes, "When am I going to get you as a slavedriver?" she asked.
"Just be patient," he repeated. They laughed together presenting a united
front as they stepped into the office.

Bobby heard the laughter as he sat moodily in his office. 'Well that
confirms it,' he thought. 'she obviously isn't bothered by what happened
last night.' Bobby opened the door, "Lindsay, can I see you for a minute,
please?" he asked testily. Lindsay shot a nervous look at Eugene, who
frowned in response.
"Sure," she replied, hurriedly dumping her coat and briefcase on her desk.
Once the door was closed behind them, she faced him with determination.
"I've decided I don't really need your help with this case anymore, there's
more urgent things for you to do in the office. I think you should help
Eugene with his case today." Bobby dropped the bombshell calmly.
"Excuse me?" Lindsay eyes flashed angrily. "I thought I was going to help
you with your case until the end of the trial."
"I've changed my mind. There are more important things for you to do in the
office."
"Bobby…" she took a deep breath before continuing. Her voice became hushed
but menacing. "I did not become a lawyer to do research. I was under the
impression that you were going to teach me courtroom technique. How do you
propose to do that if I'm sitting in an office all day?"
"You'll get other opportunities to go to court."
"Well, I want this one."
"Lindsay, it would be unreasonable to expect to get everything you want."
Lindsay felt the challenging stare. Both of them needed the opportunity to
let out all the unresolved, pent up emotion. "Unreasonable? You think I'm
being unreasonable? I have worked my ass off for you, and that's all you
can say?" she yelled.
"I'm sorry. Go ask Eugene what he wants help with." He waved her away but
she stood her ground.
"I will not be pushed around," she warned him.
"I am the boss," he replied edgily.
"Well act like one!" she snapped.
"Excuse me?"
"You seem to enjoy pushing people around, but that doesn't make you a boss,
Bobby." She pointed a finger at him. "All I see is a man so caught up in
his personal problems he's lost the ability to lead effectively."
"Oh, so you think you know me?" The scorn was dripping from his words.
"I had you figured out the second I met you," she returned icily.
"Lindsay, you are treading on very thin ice here."
"So fire me!" she yelled. She stalked away from him and Bobby was suddenly
afraid that she would actually leave. Just as she turned back to face him,
Bobby reached out to grab her and unwittingly hit her in the face. Lindsay
cried out half in surprise and half in pain and rushed out the door.
Bobby was horrified. "Lindsay!" he called desperately, but it was too late.
She was gone.

*************************************

Oh no! Has she left the firm for good? Hehehe. I have the next part
finished but I'm going to make you beg for it. Its bribery, I know, but it
definitely makes me feel better! For those feedback-aholics (yes Livvy, I'm
talking to you), this is the best way to get it.

Title: In the Absence of Fear, part 13

Author: Alison (a.c.barker@student.murdoch.edu.au)

Author's note: Nothing much to say today. I felt generous so I'm posting
this part earlier than I was going to.

Disclaimer: Yada Yada Yada. See part one.

**********************************

Previously on The Practice…

"Oh, so you think you know me?" The scorn was dripping from his words.
"I had you figured out the second I met you," she returned icily.
"Lindsay, you are treading on very thin ice here."
"So fire me!" she yelled. She stalked away from him and Bobby was suddenly
afraid that she would actually leave. Just as she turned back to face him,
Bobby reached out to grab her and unwittingly hit her in the face. Lindsay
cried out half in surprise and half in pain and rushed out the door. Bobby
was horrified. "Lindsay!" he called desperately, but it was too late. She
was gone.


**********************************

Ellenor had overheard the whole conversation, thanks to the proximity of
her desk to Bobby's office. Eugene frowned at her when he noticed the
intense look of concentration on her face, but even he was curious when the
shouting began. The commotion seemed to quiet down, until they heard the
anguished cry from Bobby and the blur as Lindsay fled from the room. Eugene
looked at Ellenor uncomfortably and silently waited for Bobby to emerge.
They continued to wait and when they hadn't heard anything for five
minutes, Eugene walked into Bobby's office while Ellenor and Rebecca waited
anxiously outside.

Bobby was standing in the centre of the room, looking ashamed with himself.

"What happened?" Eugene asked carefully.
Bobby turned to him and replied, "I hit her."
Eugene was shocked. "You what?"
"It was an accident. I was reaching to stop her from leaving…I was going to
apologise…then she turned and my hand hit her face…it happened so fast." He
shook his head, still looking shocked.
"Did she realise that it was an accident?"
"I don't know…she just rushed away."
"You'd better go after her."
Bobby nodded numbly, "I know."
"Do you know where she lives?"
"Yeah…I gave her a ride home a few weeks ago."
Eugene handed Bobby his coat and pushed him out the door.

*    *    *

The lights turned red in front of her and Lindsay hit the steering wheel
with frustration. She took the opportunity to stare at her image in the
rear view mirror. There was a slight swelling on one side of her face, but
it wasn't that bad and the stinging had become a dull ache that pulsated in
the background. The tears had also stopped falling. She was no longer
upset, but hurt and angry. Very angry. The lights turned green and with a
screech of tyres she accelerated away.

Once home, she collected the tub of chocolate ice cream and a bag of frozen
peas. Placing the peas against her face and a spoonful of the rich double
choc supreme in her mouth, she began to feel slightly better. The knock
that was tapped tentatively on the door was not a surprise to Lindsay. She
had expected it. But she remained seated.

The knock came again, louder and more urgently this time. She looked
defiantly at the door and turned on the TV. She turned up the volume when
the repeated knocking began to drown out the sound from the TV.

The knocker stopped knocking and Lindsay felt guilty.

She put the peas on the coffee table and stood up. Bobby was sitting on the
steps outside and turned suddenly when he heard the door squeak behind him.

"Lindsay!"
"Go away," she told him less emphatically than she had intended.
"Please, can I come in?"
She considered him thoughtfully and held the door open. He followed her
inside.
He regarded her apologetically, "I am so sorry. I did not mean to hit you,
I hope you realise that."
Lindsay didn't answer but sat down and stared at her hands.
"You were right, I have been preoccupied lately and it has probably impeded
my ability to be a good leader. You also have every right to be frustrated
by my erratic decision-making…you did work hard on the case and I should
have allowed you to follow it through to its conclusion." He paused, while
Lindsay continued to stare at her hands. "Please don't leave." He begged.
"Everybody likes you and they would kill me if I let you leave."
Lindsay finally lifted her head and met his gaze, "I have some conditions,"
she said coldly.
"Anything," Bobby replied.
"I want to stay on the Birch case."
"Fine. Anything else?"
"I want you to stop treating me so protectively."
He nodded his agreement, "I'll try."
"And if you hit me again, I'll sue you." She had intended to sound tough as
she said the last part, but it came out weakly, almost playfully.
He smiled gratefully. "I am so sorry, Linds." The shortening of her name
came easily to him and Lindsay liked the sound of it.
"So you should be. It hurt," she told him honestly. Her voice gave away her
true feelings. It was not only her face that was hurt.
"So will you come back?"
"Okay," she decided.
Bobby sighed with relief. He looked quizzically at the peas that were
defrosting next to the ice cream. "Peas and ice cream? Are you pregnant?"
Lindsay laughed. She had been single for so long it would be a miracle if
she were pregnant.
"A packet of frozen peas is the best thing to put on an injury to stop
swelling."
"And the ice cream?"
"That was…uh…for emotional therapy."
"I see." His eyes twinkled. "And does Ms. Dole often need ice cream for
this emotional therapy?"
Lindsay felt her face redden. "The demand for ice cream has risen
considerably over the past week due to unforseen encounters with
colleagues," she answered coolly.
Bobby laughed at her quick and witty reply. Lindsay also began to chuckle.
"I hope for Ms. Dole's sake that she has no more of those unforseen
encounters," he said seriously.
"So do I," Lindsay met his gaze and walked him to the door.
"See you tomorrow?" he asked finally.
"I'll be there." She replied. She watched him walk down the street to his
car and waited until he had driven away before thoughtfully closing the
door.

The week wore on…and the physical and emotional bruises faded. Lindsay
became more and more caught up in the pressure of the upcoming trial and
her mood affected everybody at the office. During a quiet moment on the
morning of the trial, she approached Eugene, "Can I talk to you for a
minute?" she asked tentatively.
"Sure," he put down his pen and waited expectantly.
"It's about the Birch case…"
He nodded, "The drug dealer."
"He's guilty Eugene. All the evidence points to him. But Bobby doesn't
care…he told me that it wasn't important…" she trailed off.
"Bobby's right. At this point, it doesn't matter whether he's guilty or
not, he still has the right to a fair trial."
"But how do you cope with it?"
"Ah," he replied knowingly. "The big defence attorney mystery. You think of
the innocent ones that will go to jail if you don't help them, you remember
the ones that are guilty but for a good reason and you have to believe that
the guilty ones will clean up if you get them acquitted. You just have to
focus on the merits of the case rather than your client's guilt. Otherwise,
you'll crack."
"I never thought it would be like this."
"Lindsay, we've all asked the same questions of ourselves; ask Bobby, he'll
tell you the same thing."
"I don't want to talk to Bobby about it, he accused me right at the
beginning that I wouldn't be able to handle criminal defence work."
"He what?!"
"You haven't heard about the interview?" Lindsay asked wryly.
"Obviously not all the details."
"Well, we didn't get off to a good start and he told me that I would be
better suited to civil law because I didn't have the strength to cope. I
think he was right."
"Just wait til you get in front of a jury. I think you'll change your
mind."
"Thanks," she told him seriously.
"No problem. I'm always here Lindsay."

He watched her leave and ruefully smiled to himself, knowing that deep down
he was being a hypocrite. He had asked the same question of himself a
million times and had rarely come to an acceptable conclusion. But he told
her what she needed to hear. He told her what she had been trying to tell
herself all week. He just wished that he could tell her the truth that was
eating into his soul.

Lindsay walked into Bobby's office feeling much better. Eugene had
confirmed her beliefs, and she wholeheartedly believed every word.

Bobby watched her come in. Her cheek still sported a faded bruise that made
him cringe every time he saw her. All week the bruise had made him feel
guilty and the matter wasn't helped by her willingness to take advantage of
this feeling.
"Ready?" he asked her as she walked in. She nodded in reply. They left the
office together, Lindsay suddenly felt excited at the prospect of being in
court all week and her sudden mood change affected Bobby. He laughed along
with her when she revealed her latest phone conversation with Helen.
"I don't know how she gets into these messes," Lindsay told him, her
laughter subsiding.
"She doesn't have you around to help her," Bobby told her sincerely.
"But this is bad even for her. I told her that the beaches were pebble
beaches, not sand. I can't believe she complained to the hotel."
"You can laugh about it when she gets back."
"Yeah," Lindsay replied unenthusiastically. She knew that when Helen got
back she'd have some serious explaining to do. It was much easier to keep
all her feelings to herself than have to explain them and justify them to
someone else. Bobby saw the change in expression and decided to talk about
business.
"Trial today will probably be pretty boring. Opening arguments, the
detective, a witness or two. Tomorrow will be the fun day, they'll put up
the confessor and we'll have to do everything we can to make him look like
he has an ulterior motive for confessing."
Lindsay nodded, taking in everything she could about the case. She forgot
Helen and Bobby and everything else that was important in her life and
focussed on the trial.

*    *    *

They arrived back at the office late that evening, meeting Rebecca on the
way out, Bobby had been right earlier that day…it had been a long and
boring day. Lindsay rubbed her eyes tiredly and sat on the nearest chair.
Bobby watched her, concerned.
"You don't have to stay, I can do this myself."
"I'm fine," she replied, smothering a yawn.
Bobby gave her a scathing look, "Sure."
"I'm fine, Bobby. She brushed past him and sat on the sofa in his office.
He sighed and followed her in. The judge had adjourned at 5:30 and they had
met with their client for another three hours after that. It was now nine
and Bobby knew that Lindsay must be exhausted. He decided that he'd try to
keep the meeting short tonight.
"This will probably be quick. I just want to go over everything we know
about the confessor." He turned to face her and noticed that she hadn't
heard a word. He smiled softly, deciding that he'd let her sleep, and sat
at his desk and worked solidly…his work was regularly interrupted by his
desire to watch her stretched out on the couch.
She looked so innocent and sweet, he thought to himself, so in need of
protecting. Bobby couldn't believe the feelings that he had been having
lately. He was sure that they were just feelings of loneliness… after three
years in a serious relationship it was hard to suddenly be alone. And it
was no secret that he enjoyed the company of women… especially this one.
She made him so intensely angry and happy at the same time that he didn't
know how to feel most of the time. The feeling of confusion was made even
worse by the fact that she didn't seem to feel the same way. They had
become good friends over the past month, and he found himself sharing
things with her that he had never talked about before. But there was a
feeling of coolness and detachment when they became too close. Bringing
himself back to earth, Bobby forced himself to look away and began to work
again.

Lindsay woke up feeling stiff and uncomfortable. The couch was lumpy and
she felt springs digging into her back. She opened her eyes and spied Bobby
working away in silence. Great one, Lindsay, she scolded herself.  She
hated herself for showing what she perceived as a weakness and began to
make up an excuse for falling asleep. She eyed Bobby analytically,
wondering whether he'd believe anything she said. While trying to read his
mind, she found her stare lowering to where his tie was loosened and the
top button undone. She smiled to herself. He looked so boyish as he
concentrated on his work. She wondered what had driven him to become a
workaholic. His mother? Probably. He was so private about everything, and
Lindsay conceded that if her mother had died, she would find it hard to get
close to people too.

Bobby glanced up to check on Lindsay, unable to keep his eyes away, and was
startled when their eyes met.
"Have a good sleep?" he asked mischievously.
"I am so sorry, Bobby. I was…" she tried to come up with something fast,
but her mind was a mess of thoughts and senses that were mashed together in
an irretrievable heap. "I was tired," she told him truthfully.
"I know. Sitting down for ten hours does take a lot out of a person."
A smile woke up all the senses in her face. "Funny."
"I've finished here, I'll walk you to your car."
"Actually I walked this morning. I'll have to call a cab."
"Don't be silly. I'll give you a ride home."
"No, Bobby. Its out of your way."
"How do you know?" his eyes twinkled.
"Well, I don't…but…well, where do you live?"
"Not far from you," he told her.
"You're just saying that."
"No I'm not. Come on," he urged. Lindsay yawned in response and put her
head back down.
"I can't move," she told him.
"Oh really?" He reached down and pulled her off the couch towards him. She
shrieked with laughter, enjoying the feeling of being close to him. The
laughter subsided and they both realised how close to each other they were.
Lindsay looked up to meet his eyes and saw him leaning down with only one
intent.

***************************

I'm sorry its another cliffhanger...sort of. Next one will be up when I
feel like it. Oh the power! The power!
Title: In the Absence of Fear, part 14

Author: Alison (a.c.barker@student.murdoch.edu.au)

Author's note: For those who have read this part already, I've changed it
slightly, so you'd better read it again! For everyone else, I hope you
enjoy it. I included a section from where the last one ended because this
one continues right from where part 13 left off. Gotta love those
cliffhangers! Feedback is the bane of my existence and I will gladly
befriend anyone who sends some to me!

Disclaimer: Bobby and Lindsay as I wrote them exist in my head, so belong
to me. So there, DEK! But I do accept that he created them, so I'll give
him a small royalty from the fortune that I receive with this story.

 ***********************************************

Previously on The Practice…

"I've finished here, I'll walk you to your car," Bobby announced. "Actually
I walked this morning. I'll have to call a cab." Lindsay replied.
"Don't be silly. I'll give you a ride home."
"No, Bobby. Its out of your way."
"How do you know?" his eyes twinkled.
"Well, I don't…but…well, where do you live?"
"Not far from you," he told her.
"You're just saying that."
"No I'm not. Lets go," he urged. Lindsay yawned in response and put her
head back down.
"I can't move," she told him.
"Oh really?" He reached down and pulled her off the couch towards him. She
shrieked with laughter, enjoying the feeling of being close to him. The
laughter subsided and they both realised how close to each other they were.
Lindsay looked up to meet his eyes and saw him leaning down with only one
intent.

******************************************

Lindsay fought the feelings she had for him and pulled away before the kiss
could begin. At her resistance, Bobby too pulled back and turned away so
that she couldn't see his disappointment. He moved back to his desk and
Lindsay sat back down on the couch, ashamed and heartbroken. She couldn't
believe that she had pulled away from the man she was completely in love
with. She peeked at Bobby who was idly flicking through pages of a brief,
seemingly indifferent. As far as Lindsay was concerned, she had just blown
her one chance of happiness.

The humiliation struck Bobby to his soul. He couldn't believe that this was
the first woman he had completely fallen for and she had rejected his
advances, not once, but twice. It was almost more than he could bear. He
looked at the pages he was flicking through, trying to ignore his mixed
emotions of longing and disappointment.  When he finally found the courage
to look at her he saw her red face and eyes welling with tears.
"I'm…uh…I'm sorry, Bobby."
"There's nothing to be sorry about." He replied coolly, not sure what she
was regretting.
"Its just that…" she trailed off. "It's not that I'm not interested. I
just…it wouldn't be right."
Bobby felt his hope rise. She was interested. It wasn't his imagination.
"Why wouldn't it be right?" he asked nervously. Lindsay didn't answer,
knowing that she couldn't stand to bear her love if he had none to return
to her.
She realised that he was still waiting for an answer and finally whispered,
"I don't know." Bobby tried to shake off his feelings and announced that
they should leave. Lindsay's disappointment culminated into a sudden
torrent of emotion and she felt her face crumple. She rushed away to hide
her tears. Bobby wondered what he had done to cause this outpouring of
emotion and followed her tentatively to where she was sitting at her desk.
Wordlessly he opened his arms and she fell into them instinctively. She
clung to him for what seemed like eternity, gloriously taking in his scent
and touch. She looked up to meet his blue eyes and found them focussed
intently on hers. This time when he leaned down to kiss her, her body
accepted wholeheartedly.

Their lips met tentatively at first, the feeling exploding through both
their bodies. The kiss became more and more urgent and she suddenly felt
afraid of losing complete control. Bobby became aware that Lindsay was
again resisting and finally pulled away. Neither of them knew what to say.
Lindsay looked despondently at the floor, unable to meet his eyes.
"Bobby…" she began.
"Don't say anything," he replied and led her to the door. She grabbed her
coat and briefcase and allowed herself to be led away. As she followed him,
she swore at herself for being so masochistic. Just when the kiss was
becoming more relaxed and passionate, she had to pull away. 'I have no
capacity to be happy,' she thought morosely. 'Why can't I just accept his
advances?' He marched away from her unfeelingly, and Lindsay abandoned her
misery and rushed after him, wishing that she had insisted on calling a
cab.

The car ride was silent and uncomfortable: the unsaid words like
electricity between them. It was with great relief when they finally pulled
up outside Lindsay's apartment. She looked at him with regret in her eyes.
"Do you want to come in?"
"No, I should go home."
"Not even for a hot chocolate?" she teased, finding it easier to joke with
him than reveal her true feelings.
"Well, if you're offering hot chocolate…" he replied jokingly, hoping that
the past moments were forgotten.
"And marshmallows," she added enticingly.
"Wow…that must be part of that emotional therapy that you were telling me
about the other day."
"Bobby, I hate to be the person to tell you this, but if anybody is in need
of emotional therapy, its you. So you'd better start today."
He was slightly affronted, but took the comment as it was intended, "I
guess we're two pretty emotionally dysfunctional people, huh?"
"Don't group me in the same class as you! I'm in Dysfunction 101, you're in
the advanced class."
"Just wait until you're my age," Bobby moaned.
Lindsay glanced at him with speculation. She had often found herself
wondering how old he was, and had a pretty good idea. He saw the look, "Now
I've got you wondering, don't I?" he teased.
"Well, now that you mention it…"
"I'll tell you only if you make me a large hot chocolate with four
marshmallows."
"Four?!" Lindsay slid the key into the lock and switched the lights on, "Do
you want marshmallows or do you want hot chocolate?"
"Four marshmallows," Bobby repeated adamantly.
"It's a deal," they shook on it.
Lindsay waved him in the direction of the couch, "Have a seat. I'll be
back."
Bobby ignored the offer and followed her into the kitchen, glancing around
inquisitively as he did so. Lindsay pressed the button on the answering
machine while she busily hurried around the kitchen. She grumbled at Bobby,
who continued to get in her way and he gave up trying to help and stood in
the doorway, watching her bustle as she efficiently made them their drinks,
all the while messages were playing in the background

"Hi sweetie, its Mom. I just talked to Jessica Parker's mom. Did you know
Jessica has joined the biggest law firm in New York? Rosie was saying that
Jessica could put in a good word for you if you wanted to work there…"
Lindsay smiled ruefully at Bobby. "Oh and I talked to that nice Donald
Camden. He was really sorry that you decided not to work there. I told him
that that was the first I had heard of it. You didn't tell me that you were
offered a position at Camden and Green! I just don't understand why you'd
walk past a job like that. Donald was saying that the firm you're working
for doesn't have a good reputation…you're a smart girl Lindsay, why are you
being so silly about this? Call me, Darling. We'll talk about it."

Lindsay sighed when the message ended. "That's why I didn't tell her about
Camden and Green," she told Bobby.

The next voice was Helen's. "Lindsay…" her voice was scolding. "It took me
about an hour to do the math, but I worked out that it's 11 pm in Boston…oh
no, wait…" there was a muttering on the other end while Helen did the sums,
"Its 9 pm. Are you on a date? No you haven't been on a date in months, why
would you start now? Where the hell are you? I need to talk to you…call me
back okay? Bye."

The machine beeped and Lindsay deleted the messages.
"You weren't supposed to hear those." She dropped four marshmallows into
his drink and handed it to him.
"Are you thinking of leaving?" he asked her, walking out to the living
room.
"No…but my mom wasn't too happy about me taking the job with you. She
thinks that I'm doing it to spite her."
"Are you?"
"No! I'm doing it because I want to," she looked intently at Bobby, wanting
him to believe her. They sat down, he on the sofa and her in the armchair.
"I must admit, Lindsay, after seeing this…" he waved at the surroundings.
"It sounds like the big firms were made for you."
"What are you trying to say?" she asked carefully, all humour gone from her
mood.
"I want you to stay at the firm…but…"
"But?"
"I have wondered why you turned down better offers."
Lindsay felt her heart scream, 'because of you! But you're too blind to see
it!' but she said instead, "I hate the big firms…its all about money and
power. All the associates will murder each other just to get higher on the
partner list and its all about squeezing every cent out of the client…I
hate it." She looked earnestly at Bobby. "That's what I liked about your
firm. You may be short of money, but it doesn't get in your way of doing
what the law intended…defending people's rights. I want to be a real
lawyer, not a money machine."
Bobby felt proud of her…her sense of justice was endearing and he suddenly
became proud of what his firm represented. Lindsay felt embarrassed and put
her mug down, splashing its contents all over the coffee table.
"Damn!" she groaned and rushed to the kitchen to get a dishcloth.
Bobby watched her go and decided that he'd try one more time and if she
rejected him again, he'd leave forever. This was something he didn't want
to recklessly abandon. He had to try. His feelings for her were scaring him
and he needed to know if she felt the same way.

Lindsay returned and wiped up the mess. She turned to Bobby who was now
standing beside her. He gently took her hand and put the cloth down. She
watched him fearfully as he began to kiss her hand and then her arm and
then her neck. But her fear became pleasure as his mouth found hers and she
lost herself completely as he wrapped his arms around her. She could feel
his heartbeat through their clothes and marvelled at how powerless he made
her feel. He pulled away suddenly and Lindsay felt her knees go weak, fear
suddenly gripping her heart. She felt dizzy at this yo-yo of emotion that
she had experienced so far and couldn't even consider the notion that this
would be another fractured moment. He leaned in and kissed her again and
relief rushed through her veins.  The next time that he pulled away, she
felt less nervous. He held her face in his hands, and said huskily, "Are
you sure?"
She nodded numbly and his mouth again found hers. This time it was Lindsay
who pulled away. She led him to her bedroom, laughing to herself that Helen
would not believe any of this.

*    *    *

Lindsay could feel her senses beginning to return. The warmth of the body
spooned up against her, the tickling of his quiet breath on her neck, the
spicy, masculine smell on her pillow. She turned around slowly and watched
him sleep. He stirred and Lindsay watched until he finally opened his eyes.
When they opened, they immediately locked on her face, waiting tensely for
a reaction. She smiled softly and he relaxed. It was still okay.
"Have you guessed how old I am yet?" he teased sleepily.
She rested her hand on his chest, "Well…from that performance I would say
you're…uh…pretty old." She ducked her head to hide her smile.
"Oh really?" He pretended to look hurt
"I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you."
"Well, I guess it had to be said," he agreed morosely. She giggled and let
her hand run along his arm.
"How old do you think I am?" she teased.
"Hopefully over sixteen because I've already been arrested for underage-"
She silenced him with a thump from her pillow. He laughed and thumped her
lightly back, the image of her bruised cheek still foremost in his mind. A
frenzied pillow fight ensued and they both eventually lay breathless side
by side. Lindsay caught her breath and turned to Bobby, who was now lying
back with a smile on his face.
"I want to inform you…" she began. "I don't usually sleep with men I hardly
know. Let alone my boss."
"I believe you," he replied. "And I should tell you that I don't usually
sleep with women I hardly know. And I have never slept with one of my own
associates."
"I should hope not," she laughed.
"If you hardly ever do this…then why did you?" he asked.
Lindsay pushed down her true feelings that were threatening to reveal
themselves and replied casually, "I don't know. I guess I've just been
feeling lonely lately. And you're…well…" she lowered her eyes to scan his
body, "…fairly attractive…and available…"
"Fairly attractive?" he teased, hiding his disappointment that she didn't
have any deeper feelings for him.
"Well…" Lindsay's eyes sparkled enticingly.
"Well thank you for the compliment and I should say that I find you fairly
attractive as well." He leaned over and kissed her tenderly.
"What are we going to do about this?" Lindsay asked him softly.
"I don't know."
Lindsay couldn't bear to have him tell her that it would all be over when
they left her apartment. She sat up suddenly and announced that she'd be in
the shower. Bobby watched her go with disappointment.

 *    *       *

They sat awkwardly next to each other all day in court. Lindsay felt every
movement that he made and on the most important day of the trial, Bobby
found that he was most severely distracted. When the day finally ended he
felt incredibly ashamed of his performance, but Lindsay assured him that
his questioning had impacted upon the jury. Bobby headed back to the office
for another long night and Lindsay, feeling awkward, went home. She sat at
home for hours, rehashing the previous night's experience; replaying
certain parts several times in her head and finally, in frustration, she
grabbed her keys and made her way back to the office. Bobby was again alone
in his office and Lindsay stormed inside.
"Lindsay!" he said surprised.
"I have a proposition to make."
"Okay…" he waited for her to begin.
"I enjoyed last night. A lot. But I know that it would be wrong for us to
have a relationship. What if…" words suddenly failed her. Her face went red
as she realised what she was about to say.
"What?" Bobby asked gently.
"I…don't laugh…we're both lonely…we could ease that loneliness…" she
stopped again, ready to flee the office in shame. "Just until we find other
people."
"I'd like that," he told her seriously.
"Really?"
"Really."
They stared at each other as if they weren't quite sure what to do next.
Bobby broke the moment and took her hand. He smiled mischievously, "Your
place or mine?"

*********************************************

Did you like it? I was going to end it there but have been gently
encouraged (with a gun to my head) to continue. So it will. Unless I
receive further threats or squeals of torture like "No Ally, No! I can't
stand it anymore! Please stop! Oh God, let me die now!" (Any complaints
less serious than that will be ignored).
Title: In the Absence if Fear, Part 15

Author: Alison (a.c.barker@student.murdoch.edu.au)

Author's note: I don't like this part and it took forever to write.
However, I can't be bothered trying to change it, so I'll leave it as it
is. Feel free to send criticism to Santa Claus care of the North Pole. I
don't want to hear it!

Disclaimer:     Lets sing a song about a man with the name of DEK He
created a show called TP, which he writes with his own way His show is
widely watched and loved and viewed on many a day. I honour him with this
prose and credit him fully, if I may.

Sorry...as you can see, I don't have much talent for poetry.

 *********************************
Previously on The Practice…

"Lindsay!" he said surprised.
"I have a proposition to make."
"Okay…" he waited for her to begin.
"I enjoyed last night. A lot. But I know that it would be wrong for us to
have a relationship. What if…" words suddenly failed her. Her face went red
as she realised what she was about to say.
"What?" Bobby asked gently.
"I…don't laugh…we're both lonely…we could ease that loneliness…" she
stopped again, ready to flee the office in shame. "Just until we find other
people."
"I'd like that," he told her seriously.
"Really?"
"Really."
They stared at each other as if they weren't quite sure what to do next.
Bobby broke the moment and took her hand. He smiled mischievously, "Your
place or mine?"

 **********************************

The next morning…

"Coffee?" Bobby asked, holding two steaming cups.
"Yes please." Lindsay sat up in his bed and took the mug.
"You're always so polite."
"I grew up with a tyrant of a housekeeper."
"Housekeeper?"
Lindsay sipped the hot coffee. "Mmm. My mother had a social life and a baby
didn't fit in well with her schedule. My brother and I spent more time with
Mrs. Henderson than we did with our own parents."
"You sound so matter of fact about it."
"Well…I didn't realise how unconventional my parents were until I was older
and then it was too late to fix anything. But unfortunately when they
divorced my mother took a larger interest in my life and now she's taken
over the role of the tyrant."
Bobby didn't know what to say. He had always had a wonderful relationship
with his father and he had adored his mother when she was alive. Lindsay
noticed Bobby's silence and kicked herself when she realised that she had
brought up a sensitive topic. She changed the subject.
"So what time is it?" she asked.
Bobby looked at his watch and swore suddenly, "We have to go."
"What?"
"It's late. The clock must be wrong. Shit!"
Lindsay looked at the clock by the bed. It read 7:30. "How late?" she
asked, jumping up and throwing her clothes on.
"Its almost nine."
"But court starts at nine!"
"Really? I didn't know that. Thanks for telling me." Bobby replied
sarcastically.
"Ooh, that wasn't very nice." Lindsay teased, brushing her hair.
Bobby smiled with impatience and hopping towards the door, pulled his shoes
on.
"Are your ready?" Bobby called from the door.
"I'm coming…" she grumbled back, pulling on her shoes and gathering her
belongings in a heap. She glanced amused around the masculine furnishings
that Bobby called home. This place really needed the feminine touch.
"Lindsay!"
"I'm coming!" she yelled back, hurrying to the door. He slammed it behind
her and they drove in record time to the courthouse, not bothering to stop
at the office on the way. Before going into the courtroom they checked each
other over. Lindsay hurriedly patted down Bobby's hair and breathlessly
they entered to find everybody seated
and waiting.
"I'm so glad you could join us today us, Mr. Donnell," Judge Hiller
reprimanded him sarcastically.
"I apologise Your Honor, we had car trouble this morning."
Lindsay sneaked an amused look at Bobby, 'car trouble?' she mouthed
silently. He ignored her.
"Well next time be more prepared," Hiller warned.
"Yes Your Honor, I'm sorry."
"Call your next witness."
"The defense calls Timothy Howard."
This was their trump card and both Lindsay and Bobby looked on anxiously as
the witness rose and travelled the long distance to the stand. All eyes
were on him.
"Mr. Howard, can you state your relationship with the defendant."
"I'm his boss."
"His boss?"
"Yes, he's a car salesman and I own the caryard."
"I see. Now the detective told us that in his investigations they found
that the defendant sold the cocaine from his office at the caryard. Do you
know anything about this?"
"Peter doesn't have an office."
"He doesn't?"
"No, there are about four salesmen that share one large office. He's very
rarely on his own."
"So it would be difficult, then, for him to sell drugs from there?"
"Impossible. He's our busiest salesman and is rarely without a customer. He
sells more cars than anyone I've ever known."
"Would it be possible that he is selling drugs in conjunction with the
cars?"
"No. They would be expensive drugs if you had to buy a car to get them,
wouldn't they?"
"So it is your testimony that it would be impossible for Mr. Birch to sell
drugs from the caryard?"
"Yes, that's what I said."
"Have you ever used any drugs, Mr. Howard?"
"When I was young and stupid," he replied good-naturedly.
"Not recently?"
"No!" he replied, suddenly affronted
Bobby walked back to the defense table and Lindsay handed him a large
photo.
"Mr. Howard, is this you?" Bobby indicated to one of the figures in the
photo.
The witness squinted at the picture, and suddenly turned white.
"Mr. Howard?" Bobby prompted.
"Yes." He whispered.
"Yes," Bobby repeated. He turned to the jury and showed them the photo,
which clearly depicted the witness sitting in his office, snorting a white
substance. The jury looked at the witness scornfully.
"Mr. Howard, are you selling drugs out of the caryard?"
"Objection! The defense has no proof that this witness is a dealer.
They only have proof that he's a user."
"Sidebar, Your Honor?" Bobby asked.
Hiller nodded and all the lawyers rushed to hear what was being said. Bobby
whispered first, "The police have no proof that my client was dealing, all
they knew was that drugs were being sold on the property. It is entirely
possible that someone else was doing the dealing and who better than the
boss?"
The DA shook his head in protest, "They have no proof!"
"We believe that the photo that we have is proof enough that he is involved
in drug use."
"I'll allow it. Continue carefully, Mr. Donnell."
Bobby turned to the witness, "Mr. Howard? Are you dealing drugs?"
"No! I'm not on trial here!"
"You stated that there was no way that the defendant could be dealing
drugs. But there is a substantial movement of drugs off the premises, it
leaves you or the other salesmen. Who would you suggest is doing it?"
"I don't know! But it's not me!"
Bobby gave him a disbelieving look and said to the DA, "Your witness." The
DA shook his head sullenly and Hiller called for an adjournment for 15
minutes.
Lindsay remained sitting next to Peter Birch, who was trying to hide his
smile. He couldn't believe that his lawyer was about to get him a third
acquittal. He was selling the drugs with the cars, adding the drug price
onto the car price and taking the extra for himself. He hid the drugs in
the car and the clients took them and resold the car to another dealer. His
clients were all wealthy and didn't find his method of transaction too
inconvenient. He put out his arms for the guard to handcuff and allowed
himself to be led to the holding cell, smiling triumphantly at Lindsay,
expecting her to share his happiness. She didn't. As the people slowly
filed out of the courtroom Lindsay turned to Bobby and gave him an accusing
glare, "Howard wasn't guilty."
"We don't know that."
"Birch was practically squirming with delight when you accused his boss of
drug dealing. You just ruined the reputation of an innocent man so that a
guilty one can go free."
"Lindsay…"
"Don't 'Lindsay' me! I don't want to hear your excuses."
Bobby grabbed her arm before she could leave and made her face him, "It is
our job to fight for every client, not just the innocent ones."
"Fight for them, yes. But use nasty, reputation ruining tactics, no."
"You knew that I was going to accuse him of that, why didn't you say
anything earlier?"
"I didn't think it would be like that."
"Sometimes what we do is offensive, but we have to do it. We can't
discriminate and choose those to defend fully and the ones we don't. We
have to defend every client to the best of our abilities."
Lindsay nodded sullenly and watched as people began to filter back into the
courtroom. It was going to be a long afternoon.

*       *    *

Later that evening Lindsay waited uncertainly at her desk. She hated
holding a grudge against Bobby and wanted to make up, but was unsure how
she was going to do it.
"Bye Lindsay!" Ellenor called as she let the door slam behind her.
"Bye," Lindsay replied absentmindedly.
The room was suddenly quiet as the flurry of energy and noise left the
office. Lindsay smiled a secret smile to herself and rose purposefully from
her chair. She stepped silently to his office door and waited in the
doorway. She hadn't been seen. Bobby remained intently reading a file at
his desk, and she could almost hear the churning wheels in his mind as he
figured out another way to get another client off.
"Still working?" she asked him loudly.
He almost visibly leapt off his chair.
"Sorry, did I scare you?" she laughed
"No, you startled me, I don't scare very easily."
"Oh? I bet I could scare you."
"I bet you couldn't."
"No I probably couldn't," she paused thoughtfully before continuing
earnestly, "I don't think we should sleep together anymore."
"What?" he was shocked at this. As far as he was aware, she was enjoying
their nights together as much as he.
"You're my boss, Bobby. It's going to get too complicated if we go any
further."
"Lindsay-" he implored her.
"There's nothing you can say that will make me change my mind, Bobby. I'm
just beginning my career and the last thing I need is to be involved in a
messy relationship with another member of the bar," she turned to leave.
"Where is this coming from?" he pleaded. "Can we talk about this?"
"Oh you want to talk about his, do you?" she turned to face him with a
slight smile on her face.
"Yes!"
"Well let's talk about how scared I just made you feel." She declared
triumphantly.
For a second he looked hurt, but he conceded with a nod. "You win."
She looked at him seriously, but with forced lightness she replied,
"Bobby…I always win."
"This I'm learning," he agreed wholeheartedly.
"I'm not joking."
"Neither am I. Our time together is always a learning experience."
"Funny."
He looked from Lindsay to his work and back to Lindsay, "I still have a lot
to do here. I need to go through my closing argument a few times. First I
need to write it." He shook his head regretfully.
"No problem," Lindsay replied, plonking herself down on the sofa.
"You don't have to stay."
"I want to stay. Summations are my specialty."
"Oh really?"
"You don't believe me?"
"I believe you. We were always told that if you went to Harvard, they gave
you magic powers."
"Yes, magic powers are the secret to my success."
"And I thought success was all about timing and cross examining and-"
"And lying and cheating and deception," Lindsay continued for him.
"You think that's what we do?" Bobby asked, suddenly serious. "Lying and
deception?"
"No, Bobby! I was only joking."
"But you weren't too happy today."
"No. I thought it was unfair to ambush the boss when he was obviously
innocent."
Bobby took a deep breath and was about to begin his explanation when she
stopped him, "I know you had to do it, but I don't have to like it."
He nodded his agreement and joined her on the sofa, "None of us really like
it. But we deal with it."
Lindsay decided she had heard enough excuses for one day and abruptly
changed the subject, "So, Bobby. Read out your summation so far."
Bobby cleared his throat and began seriously, "Ladies and Gentlemen of the
jury-"
"You're kidding, right?" she interrupted with a laugh.
"Why what's wrong with it?"
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury? Nobody says that anymore."
"Well I do."
"Okay, okay, keep going."
"That's all I've got so far."
"Oh boy," Lindsay groaned, looking at her watch.
He shrugged his shoulders dismissively, "I know this case inside out…
I don't really need to prepare. Why don't we go back to your place and have
a late dinner, watch a movie and I'll show you a great summation."
Lindsay laughed at his obviously overworked line, "A great summation?" she
choked through her laughter. Bobby pretended to be hurt and took her
hostage in his arms.
"Shall I show you that summation now?" he whispered in her ear.
She rolled her eyes in response. "If you showed me now, it wouldn't be much
of a summation. It would be more like an opening argument."
He ignored her correction and began nibbling at her neck.
"Bobby…" she protested. "Not here. Someone might see us."
"I've been working late nights for years and I have never been visited by
anyone."
"Ellenor might come back…or Eugene…or Rebecca."
He ignored her protests and continued to explore her neck. Lindsay sighed
melodramatically and gave in entirely.

 *    *    *

It was 6 am the next morning when Rebecca hummed to herself as she strolled
down the hallway. She stopped with surprise as Lindsay appeared from the
office, glanced guiltily around her and hurried towards the elevator.
"Lindsay!" Rebecca called out.
Lindsay looked up. "Rebecca…hi."
"Where are you going?"
"Uh…I left some papers at home and Bobby needs them."
"Uh huh. Why are you here so early?" Rebecca asked disbelievingly.
"We met early to go through Bobby's closing one more time."
"So Bobby's in there?"
"Yep. He must have worked on it all night." Lindsay looked at her watch. "I
have to go. I'll see you later."
"Okay." Rebecca continued down the hallway thinking furiously. She had
taken in Lindsay's crumpled clothes and guilty expression, but couldn't
fathom the idea that she and Bobby could be hiding a relationship. She
tried to shrug off her curiosity and opened the door of the office.

Lindsay watched Rebecca as she waited for the elevator down. She was
kicking herself for sounding and looking so guilty and she realised that
Bobby was now going to have to deal with Rebecca's piqued interest. She
laughed to herself. He'd get himself out of it somehow. If there was
anything she had learned about Bobby it was that he was a smooth talker.

*    *    *

"…we are not disputing that drugs were sold out of the caryard, but that
the defendant is responsible for this dealing. The police have no evidence
to suggest that Peter Birch was dealing drugs and his employer testified
that it would be impossible for Peter to sell drugs at work. He works with
four others in an office and is rarely alone. However, we have an employer
that is a drug user himself that has ample opportunity to deal. Think about
it." Bobby looked at the jurors one by one and sat down.

"Think about it?" Lindsay repeated when everybody had left the courtroom.
"Do you have a problem with what I said?" Bobby asked.
"No, it just sounded-"
"I didn't have much time to prepare, remember?" Bobby interrupted her.
"Oh and you're blaming me?" she giggled, remembering the uncomfortable
night on the couch.
"No, I'm just stating that I-"
"Its okay, forget it."
They both stood and strolled out of the courtroom. The frantic pace of the
previous week was suddenly eased and both felt the tension peel away.
"You should have heard Rebecca this morning," Bobby began. "She was trying
not to pry but you could see the question in her eyes."
Lindsay laughed, "She was giving me the curious stare in the hallway.
What did she say to you?"
"Actually she accused me of making you work too hard. She thinks that I'm
trying to find your breaking point."
"You're not even close to finding my breaking point," Lindsay replied, eyes
twinkling.
"Glad to hear it."

They waited with the defendant for the verdict and it came surprisingly
soon. They listened anxiously as the jury announced that they found the
defendant not guilty. Lindsay felt goose bumps when she heard the foreman
read it and wondered how Bobby could remain so calm. He turned and shook
Birch's hand. Birch was ecstatic at his acquittal and tried to convince
both Bobby and Lindsay to celebrate with him.
"No thanks, I don't do drugs," Lindsay replied cuttingly when he turned to
her. Bobby gave her a warning look and also shook his head.
The trial had gone almost unnoticed by the press and there was only one or
two of he roaming cameras that took their photo as they left the
courthouse. Bobby turned to Lindsay and smiled, "It's been a long week and
Rebecca will kill me if I let you come back to the office. Go home and I'll
bring over a bottle of wine later."
Lindsay nodded, "I'm tired anyway." She rummaged in her purse and handed
Bobby a spare key to her apartment. He took it with hesitation. Lindsay saw
the sudden fear cross his face and blurted, "It's probably a good idea that
you have a spare key anyway. Just in case I accidentally lock myself out of
my apartment or something."
Bobby nodded tentatively, "I'll see you later."
Lindsay waved goodbye and caught the next cab that passed by. All the way
home, she contemplated what she had to do to prepare for the night ahead.
She was so immersed in thoughts about the night ahead that she almost
tripped over the suitcases that stood in doorway of the apartment.
"Lindsay!" a voice called from Helen's room.
Lindsay felt her face turn white, "Helen…" she replied softly.


 ********************************

Uh oh. Helen's back. Will Lindsay reveal all? Only time will tell (and
feedback…boy is feedback important!). If I get no feedback I'll torture you
with my poetry.

Title: In the Absence of Fear, part 16

Author: Alison (a.c.barker@student.murdoch.edu.au)

Author's note: It's kinda long. Thanks as always to Livvy. And to Michal
who made some valuable suggestions. If you don't like it, blame them.
Hehehe.

Disclaimer:

There is a man that we know
He writes a very popular show
We call it The Practice We love all the actors
I hope DEK lets this fanfic go

Hehehe

 *********************************

Previously on The Practice:

Lindsay nodded, "I'm tired anyway." She rummaged in her purse and handed
Bobby a spare key to her apartment. He took it with hesitation. Lindsay saw
the sudden fear cross his face and blurted, "It's probably a good idea that
you have a spare key anyway. Just in case I accidentally lock myself out of
my apartment or something."
Bobby nodded tentatively, "I'll see you later."
Lindsay waved goodbye and caught the next cab that passed by. All the way
home, she contemplated what she had to do to prepare for the night ahead.
She was so immersed in thoughts about the night ahead that she almost
tripped over the suitcases that stood in doorway of the apartment.
"Lindsay!" a voice called from Helen's room.
Lindsay felt her face turn white, "Helen…" she replied softly.

*********************************

Helen appeared at the door of her bedroom. "Aren't you going to say hello?"

"I'm just surprised! You're a week early."
"I missed Boston and realised that I'd have to study for the bar sometime,
so it may as well be now."
"But…but what about France?"
"I loved it, it was fun, but I had no one to share it with." She looked
pointedly at Lindsay.
Lindsay avoided the stare and changed the subject, "Did you meet anyone in
France?"
"I met a lot of people. None of them very interesting." She smiled,
expecting Lindsay to smile back. But Lindsay remained quiet.
"Are you going to tell me or do I have to guess?" Helen asked eventually.
"Tell you what?" Lindsay replied casually.
"Whatever you're hiding. You've never been a good liar, Lindsay."
"I'm not hiding anything!"
"Yeah right." She paused. "We should go out tonight, celebrate my return
and then hit the books tomorrow."
"Actually I have to work tomorrow and-" she paused with horror, realising
that Bobby would probably be on his way to their apartment.
"And?" Helen prompted.
"And…nothing. I have to make a phone call."
"Lindsay!" Helen protested.
"I'll be back." Lindsay disappeared from the room.
"I should have stayed in France," Helen grumbled to herself.

Lindsay picked up the phone and dialled Bobby's cell phone, "The number you
have called is out of range or not-" the recorded voice told her. Lindsay
felt like screaming. She hung up and was about to try the office when she
heard the squeak of the door as it opened. There was a pause and then an
unmistakable shriek, "How the hell did you get in!?" Helen yelled at Bobby.

"Helen! Uh…" he paused, desperately looking for Lindsay. Lindsay hid in her
room, too embarrassed to make an appearance.
Helen saw the key in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. She
narrowed her eyes, "How did you get the key? And what's with the wine?"
"I…uh…is Lindsay here?" Bobby asked nervously.
"Yes she is. Why? Do you want to torment her?"
Lindsay decided that she couldn't leave Bobby in the firing line. "I gave
him the key," she told Helen as she walked out of her room.
Helen spun around to face Lindsay, "Why would you do that?"
"Because I was afraid that I'd lock myself out while you were away, so I
gave a key to Bobby to look after." Lindsay lied.
Helen raised her eyebrows and turned back to Bobby who was looking very red
faced. "So you think you can just let yourself in anytime that you want?
You're sick! Do you like to stalk women in your spare time? Is that why you
hired Lindsay, so you could stalk her? People like you should be in prison!
When I'm a DA, I'll have your ass in jail so fast, you won't be able to
call a lawyer."
Lindsay watched aghast as Helen continued her tirade. Bobby saw Lindsay's
embarrassment and gave a little shrug, accepting the abuse.
"And you!" Helen eventually turned back to Lindsay, "This is a man who you
hate, who criticised you unmercifully. Where's your common sense? Why don't
you hand out copies of our key to every jerk on the street? And give extra
copies to the murderers you're going to represent! Are you stupid?" Helen
paused for a breath, suddenly feeling good to release all the tension that
had been caused by her journey from France. Who needs jet lag when you can
yell at people? She thought to herself.
Lindsay held up her hand to stop the next outburst, "Helen, calm down."
Helen glared at Bobby but said nothing.
"Bobby was just dropping off the bottle of wine, as a reward for the extra
work that I've put in over the last few days." Lindsay walked over to Bobby
and took the bottle, her face pleading with him to forgive her for this.
She turned back to Helen, "I told him to let himself in because I wasn't
sure whether I'd be home." Lindsay felt her stomach turn: she hated lying
to Helen.
Helen looked from Bobby to Lindsay. She took the bottle from Lindsay and
read the label, "Wow." She commented as she read it. "This is a nice
bottle. You must have worked really hard," she told Lindsay.
Lindsay wasn't sure whether Helen was being sarcastic or not, but her face
showed her to be genuine. She glanced again at Bobby, her face wrought with
guilt. A small smile flashed across his face and he decided that it was
time for him to leave. He walked to the door, "I'd better get back to the
office," he told the women nervously. "Enjoy the wine, Lindsay. And thanks
again for all your help."
"No problem, Bobby. I'll see you tomorrow."
He nodded and let himself out.

Lindsay watched him go and left Helen standing in the middle of the room,
her mind still trying to work out what happened. Lindsay began to tidy up
her bedroom, and didn't look up when Helen materialised in her doorway.
"Helen…" Lindsay began uncertainly. "I was thinking that it might not be a
good idea for us to live together anymore."
 Helen was shocked, "Really? Why?"
"You're going to be a DA and I'm a defense attorney. It would be messy."
"But we're great together!"
"I know. Its just that I'll have a lot of work to do late at night and I
wouldn't want to disturb you…"
"So we'll find somewhere bigger."
"No. I'd just rather live by myself, that's all."
"Does this have something to do with Bobby?" Helen asked coldly.
"No! Of course not, we're just friends." She looked Helen in the eye,
willing her to believe the words. "Don't get mad, Helen. It will be better
if we live apart."
"Fine. I'll start looking for somewhere new tomorrow. While you're at
work." Helen spun on her heel and began to walk away.
"You're mad." Lindsay commented.
"Well you would be too if you're best friend ditches you the second you get
back from another country," Helen yelled.
"You've ditched me a million times, its about time that you experienced
what it feels like," Lindsay replied hotly, following
Helen into the living room.
"You've never complained." Helen replied.
"Well I'm complaining now," Lindsay shot back.
"Fine."
"Fine."
They both stormed away in opposite directions. Lindsay slammed her door and
she felt the vibrations as Helen slammed hers.

*    *    *

Lindsay crept out of the apartment. It was almost 2 am and she had tossed
and turned for hours before throwing off the covers with frustration. Her
scribbled note to Helen lay on the coffee tin in the kitchen, a place where
Helen was sure to see it. She closed the door gently behind her and drove
quickly to the office.

Lindsay saw the usual glow coming from Bobby's office and smiled to
herself. He was so predictable.
"Hey," she greeted him softly.
He looked up with surprise, "Hey. What are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
"Ah," he nodded knowingly.
"Is there more to that thought than 'ah'?" she asked.
"You missed me." He replied casually.
"Oh did I?"
"Yep. You missed me a lot."
"So maybe I did. What's your excuse for being here?"
"I have bills to pay."
Lindsay had wanted him to admit that he had missed her, and she realised
now, more than ever, how casual he considered their relationship to be.
"Are they that bad?" she asked tentatively.
Bobby sighed in response, "They're definitely not good."
"Bobby, I have savings-"
"No. I won't let you throw your money away on this place."
"I won't be throwing it away. It will be a loan."
"No. The situation isn't that bad yet, we still have time to earn a few
million." He tried to be light-hearted, but failed miserably.
Lindsay felt bad for him and patted the sofa enticingly.
His smile was genuine. "What if someone sees us?" he mocked her.
Lindsay laughed, "At this hour?"
"Ellenor might suddenly develop insomnia," he suggested.
"Bobby?" she asked before kissing him softly.
Bobby was suddenly preoccupied with the kiss. "Hmmm?"
"Everything will work out eventually."
His reply was lost between the kisses.
"What did you say?" she asked eventually, catching her breath.
"I said that things never work out for me."
Lindsay wasn't sure whether he was joking, but his face was serious, "Well
they will this time." She told him confidently. Bobby didn't reply, but
focussed instead on the matter at hand.

*    *    *

Lindsay carefully disentangled herself from Bobby's arms and legs and
gathered her clothes, pulling them on quickly. She left Bobby sleeping on
the sofa and sat at her desk with her head in her hands. She knew she was
spiralling deeper and deeper into the confusion of this relationship. She
just couldn't figure out Bobby's feelings for her. He kissed her so
passionately and every moment they spent together made her believe that he
felt something for her, but whether it was love or just pleasure, she had
no idea. The worst part of it was that she couldn't tell anybody about it,
least of all Helen. When the relationship had begun, Lindsay had been dying
to call Helen and reveal every detail, but now she felt as though this was
a little dark secret not to be shared with anyone. But that left her
without someone to talk to. An idea suddenly popped into her head and
Lindsay tiptoed into Bobby's office. She flicked through his Rolodex and
found the phone number, after scribbling it down she left Bobby's office as
quietly as she had entered it. She groaned to herself when she realised
that it was not an acceptable time to be calling people and with a sigh,
opened one of the large textbooks that she had brought with her. Real
estate law, she read, and her pen began to move across the page.

*    *     *

Bobby awoke hours later to find himself alone on the sofa. He stretched and
wandered tiredly out to the main office where Lindsay was reading intently.

"What-?"
"Shhh!" she interrupted him sternly.
"Sorry," he waited for Lindsay to turn her attention to him.
She finally looked up, "I'm studying."
"For the bar?"
"Uh huh. Real estate law."
"Do you need some help?"
"No, I'm fine." Her attention focussed once again on the book in front of
her and Bobby wandered back into his office.

*    *     *

The time read seven and Lindsay deemed it late enough to make the phone
call. Bobby hadn't appeared from his office since he had discovered her
studying. She hoped he wouldn't emerge now.
"'Lo?" The voice was groggy and masculine, not the voice she had hoped to
hear.
"Uh…hi. Is that Jerry?"
The person cleared his throat, "Yes it is. Who is this?"
"Uh, Jerry, this is Lindsay Dole. You might not remember me, but I work for
Bobby."
"Lindsay! Of course I remember you."
"Is Sarah there?"
"She's asleep. Can I get her to call you back?"
"Of course. I'm so sorry to wake you!"
"Can she call you at the office?"
"Yes…yes. I'll be here all day. Thanks Jerry."
"No problem. Good night." The phone went dead and Lindsay didn't have time
to remind him that it was morning. She laughed to herself and replaced the
receiver. Her attention returned to her books.

*    *    *

"Lindsay, what are you doing here so early?" Rebecca's reproving voice
thundered across the room.
"I'm studying."
Rebecca raised an eyebrow, "Studying?"
"Yes studying. The bar exam is in two weeks."
"Is Bobby here?"
"Yeah. He's been here all night."
Bobby appeared from his office. "You weren't supposed to tell her that,
Lindsay." He smiled.
"Sorry," Lindsay apologised. "But Rebecca would find these things out
anyway."
"I find everything out," Rebecca announced grandly.
"Don't we know it," Bobby grumbled.
Rebecca shot him a dirty look and sat at her desk.
"Bec, I don't want to be disturbed today. I have a ton of work to catch up
on." Bobby told her.
"Do you want me to cancel your meeting with Herman Grange?"
"Is that today?"
Rebecca nodded, "2 pm."
"No, don't cancel. I'll do it." He sighed and handed her a stack of papers.
"These have to be paid urgently. Can you juggle some funds?"
"I'll try, Bobby." She took the bills off him and patted his arm, "We'll
get by. We always do."
He sighed again in response and headed back to his office. Lindsay watched
him, concerned. His bravado from the early morning had all but faded, and
the strain was showing clearly on his face.
"Will he be okay?" Lindsay asked, worried.
"He'll be fine. He'll work a few twenty-hour weeks and earn enough to get
us by. These things tend to always work out." Rebecca brushed off Lindsay's
concern lightly.
"But he seemed really depressed." Lindsay asserted.
Rebecca looked at Lindsay strangely, "Since when have you taken such a
strong interest in Bobby's welfare?"
Lindsay met her gaze with determination, "What is that supposed to mean?"
Rebecca rolled her eyes, "You and Bobby have been fighting non-stop since
you joined the firm, he makes you work long hours and gives you no
encouragement. Frankly, I'm surprised that you're still working here. I'm
just wondering where this compassion is coming from."
"We do fight a lot…" Lindsay conceded.
"Oh really? I hadn't noticed." Rebecca interjected sarcastically.
Lindsay ignored her. "…But we've become friends. I'm worried about him…and
I'm concerned about the future of my job." Lindsay added this part on as an
afterthought, trying to deter Rebecca's probing questions.
Ellenor heard this as she entered the office. "I don't think you'd have a
problem with finding someone else to work for, Lindsay." She called across
the room.
"I don't want to work for anyone else," Lindsay replied tersely.
This surprised Ellenor, "Really? You're not regretting accepting this job?"

"No. I like it here."
"Wow. I was 
betting
 that you'd be gone in three months."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"You just struck me as more of a litigation lawyer."
"Well I'm interested in criminal law," Lindsay replied, frustrated at the
lack of support she was receiving.
Eugene appeared at the doorway, he heard Lindsay's last comment as he
walked in and interrupted the discussion, much to Lindsay's relief.
"Well I for one am glad that you're interested in criminal law, Lindsay."
He told her. "Because I have the perfect case for you."
"Oh?" Lindsay asked with a smile on her face.
"Its another drug case that you can help me with."
Her smile faded, "A drug case?"
"Yes and with your knowledge of constitutional law, it will be right up
your alley. The police performed a search that may not have been legal,
which is great because it will hopefully mean that we'll get an acquittal.
How 'bout it?"
"Sure," Lindsay replied hesitantly.
"Great. Our client is in police custody, so we'll see him and then go to
the arraignment. I'll call for a PC hearing, which will probably be
scheduled this afternoon or early tomorrow morning and we'll raise the
issue there. Sound good?'
"Sounds fine," Lindsay replied, more confidently this time.
"Lets go."
Lindsay grabbed her coat and followed Eugene out of the door.

*    *    *

"Where's Lindsay?" Bobby appeared from his office an hour later.
"She went with Eugene to an arraignment." Rebecca replied. "Why?"
"I was going to ask her to help me with this case."
"Well it sounded as though they were going to be out all day."
The phone rang.
"Donnell and Associates."
"Hi, Rebecca? This is Sarah O'Keefe, Bobby's friend."
"Sarah! How are you?"
"I'm great. Jerry and I are getting married. Don't tell anybody."
"Married!?" Rebecca screeched.
"I told you not to tell anybody!"
"I didn't. Bobby's here, I'll put him on."
"Actually, I wanted to talk-" she stopped when she heard the phone being
passed to Bobby.
"Sarah!" Bobby's voice echoed down the line. "How are you?"
"Engaged."
"Engaged? That's great! I'm guessing that Jerry's the lucky guy?"
"Who else? But that's not why I called. I wanted to talk to Lindsay, is she
there?"
"Actually, no. She's out with Eugene on a drug case. Why did you want to
talk to her?"
"That's none of your business, Bobby Donnell. When will she be back?"
"I have no idea. Can I get her to call you?"
"Yes please. I'll be home all day."
"I'll tell her. Is Jerry there?"
"He's passed out on the sofa. We had a long night of celebration."
"Wake him up," Bobby ordered.
"Okay, but I take no responsibility for his reaction to being woken up."
"Bye Sarah. And congratulations."
"Thanks Bobby."

"Bobby? Sarah says I can blame you for being woken up."
"Sorry. I hear that you're engaged."
"Yeah…it happened last night. We've been…uh…celebrating since."
"That's great. Have you told anyone yet?"
"You're the first. We'll tell the family tonight."
"I'm happy for you."
"Why don't you come along tonight? You're almost family anyway, and my
parents would love to see you again."
"I have a lot of work to do."
"You always have a lot of work to do. Bring Lindsay along."
Bobby looked around him and noticed that he had the focus of both Rebecca
and Ellenor. "I'll think about it. I'll call you back this afternoon."
"Okay. I'm going back to sleep."
"I'll talk to you later."

As soon as he hung up, Bobby was barraged with questions.
"Why did Sarah want to talk to Lindsay?" Rebecca asked.
"I don't know. She wouldn't tell me."
"How does she know Lindsay?" Ellenor interjected.
Bobby decided that it wouldn't hurt to bend the truth a little, "They met
here on Lindsay's first day. They really hit it off."
"When did they get engaged?" Rebecca asked.
"Sarah and Lindsay? They're not engaged." Bobby joked
"No! Jerry and Sarah."
"Last night."
"They're perfect for each other." Both Ellenor and Rebecca sighed happily,
picturing the couple. Bobby laughed to himself and went back to his office,
leaving both women lost in thought.

*    *    *

Lindsay and Eugene arrived back at the office late that afternoon. Lindsay
was exhausted from a day of traipsing around the city, but happy. Eugene
had been good company and she had learned a lot. Rebecca looked up when
they entered, "Lindsay, Sarah O'Keefe called for you."
Lindsay realised with dismay that everyone was probably wondering how she
knew Sarah. "What did she say?" she asked nervously.
"She wants you to call her back."
"Okay. Thanks."
Lindsay sat at her desk and dialled the number. She knew that everybody
would be curiously listening to the phone call, so decided to keep it
short.
"Hello?"
"Sarah? This is Lindsay."
"Lindsay, Its great to hear from you! Now before you begin, I have some
news to share."
"Good news?"
"Very good news. Jerry and I are engaged."
"Oh Sarah! That's great, you must be so happy!"
"Happier than I've ever been in my life."
"I am so excited for you. I wish I could meet someone as perfect for me as
Jerry is for you."
"I thought that was why you called me."
"Excuse me?"
"You called this morning. I assumed it was about Bobby."
"Well. It was. But-"
"But? Don't tell me he still hasn't made a move."
Lindsay looked up and saw Rebecca watching her curiously, "Actually, now is
not a good time to talk about it. Can I call you later?"
"Not tonight, we're telling the family tonight. But Jerry was trying to
convince Bobby to come. You should come too."
"No…I couldn't. I'd be intruding."
"Not at all. I know you better than I know some of my own relatives."
"But-"
"No buts. I'll leave it to you to convince Bobby. The party is at our
place, Bobby knows where it is."
"I'll try. As long as you're sure I won't be intruding."
"You won't be."
"Okay. I'll see you there."
"Great! I'll tell Jerry. Now don't dress up, it's a casual party."
"Thanks Sarah."
"No problem. See ya."

Lindsay glared at Rebecca when she hung up the phone. "Its nice to see that
people respect my privacy." She said sarcastically.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Rebecca commented innocently.
Ellenor smiled.
"You were eavesdropping on my phone call."
"We were just wondering how you and Sarah came to be friends." Ellenor
explained.
"We met here." Lindsay replied vaguely.
"Here?" Rebecca prodded.
"In this office. They came to see Bobby, and Sarah and I became friends."
That sounded like a fairly acceptable explanation and with relief, Lindsay
noticed that Ellenor and Rebecca were satisfied.
"Do you know if Bobby was planning to go to the engagement party?" she
asked boldly.
"He said he had a lot of work to do. Why?" Rebecca replied.
"Sarah invited me and asked me to convince Bobby to come too."
"You were invited?"
"Yes. So?"
"I thought it was for family only."
"Well she invited me." Lindsay replied defensively.
"Okay, okay. Why don't you ask Bobby yourself?"

Lindsay nodded and opened Bobby's door.
"Can I talk to you?" she asked loudly, for the benefit of Ellenor and
Rebecca who were still listening.
Bobby looked at her strangely, "Why are you talking like that?"
Lindsay smiled and closed the door behind her, "For the benefit of prying
ears. Are you going to the engagement party tonight?"
"You talked to Sarah?"
"Yeah. I called her back. She invited me and told me to drag you along
too."
"I have a lot of work to do."
"Bobby, you always have a lot of work to do."
"That's what Jerry said."
"Well it's true." She looked him in the eye, "If you don't go, I won't."
"Are you trying to make me feel guilty?"
"Yes. Is it working?"
"Not yet. I'll need some more convincing." He told her suggestively.
"Oh really?"
He nodded.
"Well you'll have to wait until after the party. It will be a reward."
"What if I want it now?"
"Too bad. Pick me up at my place at seven."
"What about Helen?"
"She's a big girl, it will only be one night."
"Nice friend you are!"
"We're not on speaking terms at the moment."
"What a shame." His voice clearly implied that it wasn't a shame at all.
Lindsay laughed and opened the door, "I'd better go before people start
rumours about us," she said loudly.
Ellenor laughed, "We weren't listening. You were talking too softly."
"Good. Because you might have heard that Bobby was going to pick me up at
seven and take me to the party."
"Our Bobby is going to a party? He's growing up so fast." Ellenor pretended
to wipe away a tear. Rebecca and Lindsay giggled. "Seriously, though, when
was the last time that Bobby went to a party?" Ellenor asked Rebecca.
"With Julia. Maybe about a year go."
"A year ago! How can he be so immune to fun?"
"When was the last time you went to a party Ellenor?" Lindsay returned.
"She's got you there, Ellie." Rebecca laughed.
"I went to a party about 6 months ago." Ellenor replied lightly.
"I went to a party about three months ago," Rebecca jumped in. "What about
you, Lindsay?"
"It would have been with Helen. She left two months ago. So that would make
me the winner!"
Rebecca and Ellenor conceded good-naturedly.
"I have to go home and shower. I'll see you guys on Monday."
They waved goodbye and watched her leave. For the first time, Lindsay's
presence in the office felt normal to both Ellenor and Rebecca and both
turned back to their work, happy that it had worked out.

Lindsay arrived home feeling content. It had been a good day. She unlocked
the door and stepped inside, noticing at once that something had changed.

**********************

Oh oh. What's changed? Find out next week on "In the Absence of Fear".

Title: ...Fear..Part 17

Author: Alison (alleyb178@y...)

Author's note: This has been waiting for a long time to be posted and 
I can't even remember myself what happens. If you like it, thanks. If 
you don't, I think you're ugly. That will do it. BTW I'm changing my 
email address back to my Yahoo one, because uni has finished and I 
can't access the student mail anymore. I've typed it up there with my 
name, yep that's the one.

Disclaimer: No poetry today. See other parts for more creative 
disclaimers.

*************************************************

Oh and you might remember that in the previous part Lindsay arrived 
home and something had changed...

*************************************************

The apartment had an air of uneasiness about it. Furniture was moved 
out of place and pieces were missing. Lindsay carefully inspected the 
apartment and peered into Helen's room. It was empty. She shook her 
head with disbelief and walked into the kitchen. There was a message 
on the counter and Lindsay read it carefully. She grabbed the phone 
and dialled a number.
"Gamble Residence."
"Hi, Mr. Gamble. This is Lindsay."
"Hi Lindsay, we haven't seen much of you lately, how are you?"
"I'm fine, thank you. Is Helen there?"
"Yes she is. I'll get her for you."
"Thanks."

"Hello?" Helen asked dully.
"Helen! What…Why…How…?"
"Lindsay do you have something to say or are you just going to 
stutter?"
Lindsay took a deep breath. "I didn't expect you to move out so 
fast." 
"You didn't leave me much choice."
"I'm sorry if that's how you interpreted it. Are you going to live 
with your parents again?"
"God no! I found a new place but I can't move in until next week. 
This is temporary."
"Are we still friends?" Lindsay asked tentatively.
"Of course we are. But that doesn't mean that I'm happy with you. You 
didn't have to spring this on me…some warning would have been
nice."
"I'm sorry-"
"Stop saying that you're sorry. It doesn't help. I just want to know 
why you ditched me so suddenly."
"I told you why."
"I don't believe you, Lindsay. You think that we will fight too much 
if we live together? We always fight, so that's just crap. There must 
be another reason."
"There is no other reason. I just want some independence, that's all."
"Yeah right. There must be a guy involved."
"Me? You know me, Helen. I haven't been in a relationship in months. 
And anyway, I don't have time for a man. I work long hours and have 
no social life." This is true, Lindsay told herself ruefully. 
Her 'recreation' with Bobby wasn't anything like a relationship and 
she did work long hours.
"I don't believe you. I'll find out who it is. Just you wait."
"Good luck. You're looking for an imaginary man, it might be kind of 
hard to find." Lindsay found the lying come much easier as she 
continued. A blush was creeping up her neck as Helen persisted and 
Lindsay was glad that she wasn't here to see it.
"So what are you doing tonight?"
Lindsay's mind whirled as she tried to come up with a believable 
lie. "I'm studying."
"Me too! Maybe I should come over and we can have a study party like 
we used to in college."
"Helen, we never got any study done in college. I think I should 
study on my own tonight."
"Come on Lindsay, it'll be just like old days. We'll have fun."
"Not tonight, Helen."
"Okay. Your loss."
"I'm going to have a long shower. Call me tomorrow."
"Okay. Bye."
Lindsay hung up the phone with regret. She had never lied so much to 
her best friend and she hated herself for it. It wasn't fair on Helen 
and it wasn't fair on herself. She threw the phone down with 
frustration and went to have her shower.

Bobby let himself into the apartment, wondering whether he should 
have knocked. He shrugged and looked inside. He could see that 
something had changed in the apartment but couldn't put his finger on 
it. Lindsay walked out of her room with a towel wrapped around her 
and dripping hair. She gasped when she saw Bobby, "God, you scared 
me!"
"Sorry."
"How did you get in?" she asked. 
Bobby held up the key in reply and asked, "Do you always walk around 
wearing that?" he asked hopefully.
"Unfortunately, no. Why?"
"Wishful thinking."
Lindsay laughed and walked back into her room.
"Something has changed in here." He commented, following her in.
"Helen moved out today."
"Really?"
"Uh huh."
"So she's not here now?"
"Nope. She's staying with her parents."
"So if I took that towel off, there would be no one to catch us?"
"No. But there is a problem."
Bobby raised his eyebrows, "What? I don't see a problem."
"We have a party to go to."
"We don't have to get there on time. Parties never get started until 
late."
"I don't want to be late." Bobby opened his mouth to interrupt and 
she continued, "And nothing will convince me otherwise."
Bobby closed his mouth and attempted to shrug nonchalantly, "Okay, 
your loss."
Lindsay laughed, "I think I can deal with it. Now get out and let me 
dress."
"I'm not allowed to watch?"
"Not this time."
He pouted and left the room.

*	*	*

Lindsay sat down and watched Bobby talking animatedly with an old 
friend of his. She smiled and leaned back against the couch. They had 
been at the party for a few hours and it was beginning to wind down. 
It had been a fun night, she thought to herself, and once again she 
had seen a side of Bobby that he didn't reveal very often.
"Are you ready to talk now?" Someone interrupted her thoughts.
Lindsay looked up and saw Sarah standing above her. "Sure."
Sarah sat down and looked questioningly at Lindsay. "So what's going 
on?"
Lindsay sighed, "I don't know."
"Is anything happening?"
"Yes. We're…sleeping together."
"You're what!?"
Lindsay saw Bobby looking their way. "Shhh!"
"Sorry. I'm just surprised. When did that happen?"
"A few weeks ago. We had a big case and we were both lonely…it
was 
only going to be for one night, but we decided to continue…I just 
don't know whether this means more to him than casual sex, you know?"
"It obviously means more to you."
Lindsay sighed in response.
"Lindsay, do you remember what I told you? Men are dense when it 
comes to reading signals. He probably thinks that you feel the same 
way. You have to tell him."
"I can't. What if he…" she trailed off.
Sarah nodded understandingly, "That's a risk you'll have to take."
"I don't want to take any risks. I just want him to tell me how he 
feels."
Sarah laughed, "You can't change that. All men are closed off to some 
extent, Bobby is even more closed off because of his mother."
"He won't even tell me about that. Whenever we talk about anything 
remotely related to his mother, he gets all quiet."
"It was hard for him."
"I know. But I just wish that…"
"What?"
Lindsay didn't reply.
"You wished that he loved you?"
Lindsay nodded sadly.
"I think he does." Sarah told her.
"No he doesn't."
"Have you seen the way he looks at you?"
"But we fight all the time and our relationship…if you can call
it 
that, is just sex."
"Bobby doesn't let people into his life very easily. He's afraid to 
let you in, so fighting lets him push you away."
"Do you think so?" Lindsay asked hopefully.
"I'm sure of it. Give him time. He'll realise one day that he can't 
live without you and once he's honest with himself, he'll find the 
courage to tell you."
Lindsay nodded with resolution. "How are you feeling?" she asked 
Sarah.
"Amazing! I still can't believe that I'm engaged."
"I really am happy for you."
"Thanks, Lindsay." She stood up. "Now I have to find another friend 
who just broke up with her boyfriend."
"You're a good friend, Sarah."
"Friends are important."
"Yeah…they are." Lindsay replied softly, thinking of Helen.

Bobby watched Sarah walk away from a thoughtful Lindsay. He was dying 
to know what they talked about, but he knew that he'd get no answer 
from either Lindsay or Sarah. Oh well. He walked over to Lindsay and 
sat beside her. "Have you had a good time?"
She smiled, "Yeah. I have. How about you?"
"I had fun too. But now I'm tired and I still have a ton of work to 
do."
"I'm ready to go too."

They said their goodbyes and left the party and travelled in silence 
back to Lindsay's apartment.
"Do you want to come in?" she asked tiredly.
Bobby shook his head, "I have work to do."
Lindsay nodded sadly and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. Bobby 
watched as she walked up to the door and with a wave, she disappeared 
inside. He sat in his car for a long time and finally, frustrated he 
sped away.

Lindsay let the blinds drop from her hands as she watched his car 
disappear around the corner. Sarah was wrong, she told herself as she 
got into bed. He didn't care about her at all. The car ride had been 
silent and uncomfortable and Lindsay felt, not for the first time, 
that she hardly knew this man. She hugged her pillow and with Bobby 
in mind, fell into a restless sleep.

*	*	*

The week slipped away without any further dramas. Bobby remained 
distant to Lindsay and their nightly 'recreation' was on hold. 
Lindsay had finally found the courage to call Helen again and they 
were friends. She had helped Helen move into her new apartment and 
they had had a sleepover party together with some good movies and 
popcorn. Lindsay felt that her life was beginning to get back to 
normal, but she still missed Bobby. Helen could sense that something 
was wrong, but didn't push Lindsay into telling her. She knew Lindsay 
well enough to know when to leave her alone.

So it was a week later that Lindsay sat at her desk with a textbook 
in front of her, trying desperately to cram in the information. The 
bar exam was the next day and she was sure that she was going to fail 
it. Studying at home would have been a better idea but she remained 
at the office so that she could be close to Bobby.

Bobby was also finding it hard to concentrate on work. He had 
received a nasty letter that day threatening to evict the firm if the 
rent was not paid and suddenly he was seriously worried about their 
future. He remained distant from Lindsay, afraid that if he let her 
get too close, she would find out what a failure he was. He didn't 
dare think about what would happen if they couldn't pay the rent. 
What would they do? How would he tell them that they no longer had a 
job? Lindsay would find new work easily, as would all of them, but 
Bobby didn't want to be the cause of the firm breaking up. He would 
do everything in his power to keep them together. He would just have 
to work harder. He nodded to himself and concentrated on his work.

Lindsay watched him through the blinds. He had looked worse and worse 
every day that she saw him. He seemed to be living at the office and 
hardly talked to anybody except Rebecca, whose main job was to 
comfort him and remind him of his appointments. Everybody knew that 
the firm needed money, but none of them had any idea how much they 
needed. So for the rest of them work continued as normal. Lindsay 
forced herself to look away from Bobby and again began to concentrate 
on her studying.

*	*	*

"Lindsay! Lindsay, wake up!"
"Wha?" Lindsay lifted her head from her desk and looked at Bobby, who 
was shaking her arm.
"It's 7:30."
"What!? 7:30?! Why didn't you wake me up earlier?!"
"I fell asleep too," he told her sheepishly.
She swore as she stood and threw her books into her bag. "I can't 
believe I fell asleep! I didn't get any study done at all!"
"You'll be fine," Bobby replied soothingly.
"No I won't." she was angry at him and said coldly, "I have to 
shower. I'll see you later."
Bobby watched her go and went back to his office; he deserved her 
anger.

*	*	*

Lindsay rushed into the hall where the exam would take place and 
watched the nervous smiles of some of her classmates. Her anger at 
Bobby had risen every minute and now she was completely furious at 
him. If she failed this exam, she would blame him, she decided 
angrily. Helen wandered over and put her arm around her, "Are you 
ready to kick some ass?"
Lindsay smiled at Helen's choice of words, they seemed fitting, "You 
bet." She replied tensely
Helen was about to reply when they were asked to take a seat, "Good 
luck," she said instead.
"Thanks, you too." Lindsay replied and they sat down.
Lindsay peeked at the people seated around her and smiled to herself. 
She suddenly felt like she was on her way to being a real lawyer and 
she liked the feeling.
"You may begin, good luck." There was a rustle of papers as the exams 
were opened. Lindsay read the first question and sighed with relief. 
She picked up her pen and began.

*	*	*

"It's here." Helen told her sullenly over the phone.
"Mine too," Lindsay replied, just as serious.
"You go first." Helen told her.
"Why don't we do it together?"
"Okay, on my count. One…two…three."
They both tore open their envelope and breathed a sigh of relief.
"I passed!" Helen squealed.
"Me too!"
"Oh my God. We have to celebrate!"
"I have to tell everybody at the office first. They've put up with my 
nervousness all week, so they deserve to know."
"Okay. I'll be at your place in a couple of hours. We can go to 
Bronson's bar."
"I'll see you then."

Lindsay's smile was enough to convince everybody that she had passed.
"Congratulations!" Ellenor gave her a brief hug.
Eugene's hug was more affectionate, "I knew you'd pass," he told her
Rebecca just squealed and grabbed Lindsay's hands ecstatically. "You 
must be so relieved!" she said.
"I am!" Lindsay replied.
They chatted excitedly, but Bobby stood back and watched the smiles. 
Everyone eventually turned to him, waiting for him to say something 
and he stepped forwards and hugged her, whispering his 
congratulations. They're hug appeared casual to everybody else, but 
to both Lindsay and Bobby it said more than any words could. Lindsay 
found herself feeling a little breathless as she stepped away from 
Bobby. Bobby's face was also slightly flushed. Ellenor broke the 
silence, "How are you going to celebrate?" she asked.
"I'm going out with Helen to Bronson's."
"Bronson's? Why don't we all go to McCall's?"
"I've never been there."
"We always go there to celebrate a victory."
"Okay. I'll call Helen."
Bobby interrupted the conversation, "I can't come. I have work to do."
"Oh, Bobby. Lighten up! You've been working non-stop for the last two 
weeks!" Ellenor protested.
"If you want to keep your job, Ellenor, you'll let me work." Bobby 
replied tersely.
"The finances can't be that bad," Ellenor argued.
Rebecca looked worriedly at Bobby; she wished Ellenor would just shut 
up.
"Do you want to know how bad they are, Ellenor?" Bobby yelled. His 
worries finally turned into anger.
"Yes I do. I think we all have a right to know how the firm is doing."
Bobby stomped into his office and soon returned with an eviction 
notice. He threw it at Ellenor, who looked stunned. Everybody leaned 
in to read it and turned back to Bobby.
"They're evicting us?" Eugene asked, turning to Bobby.
"Not yet, but we don't have much time." Bobby found himself calming 
down; he was relieved that they finally knew about it.
"I'm sorry, Bobby." Ellenor told him softly.

Lindsay remained silent, watching the others take in the news. She 
knew that she was being selfish, but she felt sad that everybody had 
forgotten her good news. She was also disappointed that Bobby hadn't 
told her how bad the finances were. He had brushed off her concern 
all those weeks ago, and had said nothing about it since then. For 
what should have been a happy day, she felt terrible.


Title: In the Absence of Fear, part 18

Author: Alison (alleyb178@y...)

Author's note: This part isn't very long and relates to how Lindsay 
got the tobacco case. I must warn you that I haven't seen season one, 
so if I write something that seems wrong from what you've seen on the 
show, deal with it. I can't offer you any better advice than that! 
Anyway, I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: 

There is a show that we watch and enjoy
We base our prose on their girl and boy
I take no credit for using this pair
I just want DEK to cooperate and share

like it?

*****************************************

Lindsay sat in the office a week later, wondering what to do. 
Everybody was in court and nobody had left her anything to work on. 
She sighed and straightened the papers on her desk for the thousandth 
time. Rebecca smiled at her.
"You can help me file if you want to." She suggested.
Lindsay gave her a withering look, "No thanks."
"It would be better than just sitting there."
"That's debatable."
"Why don't you go to court and find Bobby or Eugene. They'll give you 
something to do."
"I don't want to bother them."
"You won't be bothering them."
"I'll wait here, Rebecca," Lindsay insisted.
"Okay. I'm only trying to help."
Lindsay was about to reply, but a man walked in the door, looking 
hesitantly at the office furnishings. Rebecca stood up and 
smiled, "Hi, can I help you?"
"I'm looking for a lawyer."
"I'm afraid everybody's in court right now," Rebecca apologised.
"Rebecca!" Lindsay protested.
"Oh! Lindsay Dole is here and she can help you."
The man peered at Lindsay, "Is she experienced?"
Rebecca glanced at Lindsay, whose eyes pleaded with her. Rebecca 
turned back to the man, "She's one of our best. But if it suits you 
better, she can help you initially and one of our more experienced 
lawyers can take over."
The man agreed and followed Lindsay into the conference room. Lindsay 
sat opposite him and set her legal pad and pen in front of her 
carefully. She nervously cleared her throat and smiled at the man.
"Uh Mr….?"
"Emerson Ray."
"Mr. Ray. What can I help you with?"
"My wife is about to die, Ms. Dole and I want to sue the bastards for 
causing it."
"Which bastards would that be?"
"The tobacco company."
Lindsay almost choked on her next words, "Mr. Ray, nobody has ever 
successfully sued a tobacco company!"
"Well I want to be the first," he replied calmly.
"Okay. We can certainly look into it. Why did you come here?"
"You're the eighth lawyer I've visited. The rest of them turned it 
down."
"Uh huh. Well why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself and 
your wife."
Mr. Ray nodded and began his story, while Lindsay wrote down every 
word.

*	*	*

Lindsay knocked on Bobby's door later that night. He was on the phone 
and Lindsay waited until he was finished before entering the office.
"What's up?" Bobby asked.
"Actually I have good news."
"Really? I could use some good news."
"I might have found me my first real client," Lindsay informed him 
triumphantly.
"Who is it?"
"While you were in court today a man came by, Mr. Emerson Ray, and 
because I was the only one here, I met with him." She paused and 
Bobby waited for her to continue.
"And?" he prompted.
"And he wants to sue the tobacco company, TL Michaels, for causing 
his wife to die from lung cancer, among other things."
"What!?"
"I think we have a chance, Bobby."
"Lindsay! Do you really think that a small firm that is in financial 
trouble can go up against a multi-million dollar corporation like TL 
Michaels?"
"We can try," Lindsay replied stubbornly.
"No we can't, Lindsay. We don't have the money to pay for the 
discovery of this trial let alone the trial itself."
"So then we get them to settle."
"Tobacco companies don't settle. They go to trial and spend millions 
on good lawyers, amazing experts and paying off jury members. If they 
settled, they'd be sued by every cigarette addict in the country."
"I want to do this case."
"Lindsay, we don't have the money. It would be suicide to even 
attempt to try it."
"What if I did all the discovery and then we decide whether to pursue 
it or not?"
Bobby sighed, "I know you want to start your career with a huge case, 
but this is not going to be it. You don't have the experience to do 
the discovery on your own and the rest of us are too busy trying to 
make money for the firm. We need you to be out there trying cases, 
not pursuing an expensive case that won't amount to anything. I'm 
sorry. Call the man back and decline it."
"I can win," Lindsay insisted.
"Nobody has ever successfully sued a tobacco company before. And even 
if we did have a chance, which we don't, we can't afford the cost
of 
the trial."
Lindsay stared him in the eye, "Are you afraid of success?"
Bobby raised his eyebrows "Excuse me?"
"I don't know, Bobby, I think you have some fear of success that gets 
in your way of trying cases. You feel fulfilled when you're short of 
money because it somehow supports your belief that you're doing the 
right thing."
Bobby felt his anger rise, "Are you finished?"
"For now."
"You don't know me, Lindsay and you shouldn't pretend that you do. I 
am turning down this case not because of some fear of success that 
you imagined, but because logic, common sense and some important 
statistics say that we have no chance of winning. I think you're ego 
is getting in the way of that common sense."
"MY ego?" she laughed at the stupidity of it. "I think it's your ego 
that has been dented lately, Bobby. You like to act as though you're 
in control, but really you're lost in a sea of poor judgements and 
bad decisions. This firm has four good lawyers and we're still 
struggling. Its not because of too many pro bono cases, but because 
you are way above your head and won't admit it."
"Oh so now I'm a complete failure as well as afraid of success?"
"You're a failure because you're afraid of success." Lindsay knew now 
that she had gone too far but found herself unable to stop. Bobby's 
face turned from furious to sad, and she felt bad for what she had 
said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."
"Yes you did."
"No, Bobby. I didn't. I'm really sorry." She ducked her head to avoid 
meeting his gaze and walked out the door without a word.
"Lindsay!" Bobby called, as she was about to disappear out the door.
She stopped and waited without turning around.
"I am not allowing this case and if you don't call the man back, I 
will."
"Is that all?" Lindsay asked coldly.
"I just wish you had revealed your opinion of me earlier, it would 
have saved us a lot of trouble." Bobby replied just as coldly.
Lindsay felt her face crumple and she walked out the door without a 
word.
Bobby felt a deep satisfaction in watching her walk away from him, 
obviously upset. It came from a selfish need to hurt her the way she 
had hurt him and it had worked. He waited for the inevitable slam of 
the door and sat back down to work with renewed energy.

Lindsay arrived home and peered at her reflection in the mirror. Her 
eyes were puffy from crying and her face splotchy. Pulling her hair 
back into a messy ponytail she opened her laptop and sat in front of 
it, lost in thought. Finally she began to type, only getting up for 
the odd coffee and bathroom break. Her sadness and anger at Bobby was 
released as she planned the first case that she would try in front of 
a jury. Emerson Ray Vs TL Michaels, a case that she was sure would be 
the saviour of the firm.

*	*	*

"What are you working on?" Ellenor asked the next day as she passed 
by Lindsay's desk.
"Nothing important." Lindsay replied, covering her legal pad self-
consciously.
"It looked important."
"Its not."
Ellenor eyed Lindsay curiously, but shrugged off her curiosity and 
waved a file in front of her. "I have your first case."
"Oh?"
"Yup. A drug prelim. Interested?"
"Sure."
"Great. I'll run you through it at lunchtime."
"When is it?"
"This afternoon," Ellenor replied casually.
"Today!?"
"Is that a problem?"
"No. It just doesn't give me much time to prepare, that's all."
"Prelims don't need much preparation time."
"Okay. I'll see you at lunchtime."
"Good." Ellenor walked away and Lindsay returned to her legal pad.

At lunchtime they met in the conference room and Ellenor paced 
Lindsay through the prelim. Lindsay was obviously only half listening 
to the advice and Ellenor, exasperated, turned to her. "Is something 
wrong?"
"No." Lindsay replied half-heartedly.
"Yes there is. What's going on?"
"Bobby and I had a fight."
"Again?!"
Lindsay sighed, "Again."
"About…?"
"A new client. I met with him yesterday, he wants to sue a tobacco 
company for his wife's lung cancer."
"Oh boy."
"I think I can win it."
"Lindsay, I know you're not stupid. So why are you seriously 
considering it?"
"I have an idea, but I have to get to the prelim, so maybe I could 
tell you about it later?"
"Sure." Ellenor replied; eager to hear what she knew would be a 
ridiculous scheme.

They left the office under Bobby's watchful eye. He had pushed 
Lindsay's comments from his mind for most of the night, but her words 
had returned to haunt him. He knew that in a way, she was right, but 
he was too stubborn to admit it. He had asked Ellenor to give Lindsay 
the drug prelim, in an effort to change her focus away from the 
tobacco case. He hoped that she would see some logic in his decision, 
because as much as he was angry with her, he couldn't bear to lose 
her completely.

Lindsay entered the courtroom nervously. Ellenor walked close behind 
her, subtly offering support. They took their seats and waited for 
the judge to arrive. When he finally walked in and looked expectantly 
at Lindsay, she felt the nervousness subside a little and found the 
confidence to talk. As she talked, it felt more and more natural for 
her and Ellenor began to watch her with a mixed expression of 
surprise and pride. Lindsay was listing past cases and precedents 
without a bat of an eyelid and even the judge was impressed by her 
performance. Ellenor couldn't wait to tell Bobby about it.

Later as they walked from the courtroom, Lindsay was on a high like 
never before. She smiled at everybody and Ellenor simply laughed at 
the expression on her face. It was only when they were in the 
elevator that she asked again about the tobacco case. They stopped 
outside a café and ordered coffees, giving Lindsay time to blurt
out 
her plans for the case. Ellenor listened intently but she frowned 
when Lindsay finished her account, saying, "Bobby kind of refused to 
accept this case. So I want to work on it and surprise him with it."
"He *kind of* refused?" Ellenor questioned with a smile.
"Well, he outright refused it. He was very definite that I was to say 
no to Mr. Ray."
"So you want to surprise him with a well thought out plan?"
"Yeah. I've told you my ideas, but they need some finer detail. Could 
you help me?"
"Sure. I'll help you this afternoon. We can reveal it to Bobby 
tomorrow."
"Okay," Lindsay replied nervously.
"It'll be fine," Ellenor assured her. "You seem to make Bobby angry 
for some reason, so let me do the talking. I've been able to convince 
Bobby of a lot of things in the past. This will be a breeze."

*	*	*

The next day…

"No, Ellenor! I told Lindsay yesterday and I'm telling you today, we 
are not accepting this case!"
"Bobby just think about it for a second-"
"I have thought about it! And I said no. Doesn't anybody respect my 
decisions in this place?" Bobby argued.
"You're being irrational," Ellenor told him in desperation.
"Ellenor, I said no and that is final."
Ellenor glanced at Lindsay who was looking furious, but holding in 
her anger. Ellenor shook her head warningly and began to walk away, 
indicating for Lindsay to follow. Lindsay stayed rooted to the floor, 
ready to have another all out battle with Bobby.
She began quietly, so quietly that Ellenor had to strain to hear 
her, "Bobby. I know the statistics say that we have no chance and I 
know that in the past, cases like this one have cost a lot of money. 
But they didn't try the case the way I'm planning on trying it. I 
don't want to call any experts. Everybody knows that cigarettes cause 
cancer, so I don't think its necessary to pay someone a few thousand 
dollars to tell a jury what they already know. People are angry with 
tobacco companies, I think any jury with half a brain will find for 
the defendant in this kind of product liability case. We can win 
this."
Bobby sighed and looked at Ellenor, who simply nodded her 
agreement. "If you're not going to put up any expert witnesses, how 
do you expect to prove liability?"
"The juries know that cigarettes cause cancer." Lindsay replied.
"But you have to show proof in the case, otherwise the judge will 
just throw it out."
"I'm not planning on going to trial. If we can depose the CEO of the 
company and some others, introduce some of our theory, I think we can 
get them to settle."
"As good as you may be, Lindsay, you're not that good. Tobacco 
companies don't settle. This case would have to go to trial before we 
could expect to get any money."
Lindsay shrugged, "I'll do the discovery in my spare time. We don't 
have to spend much money on it."
"And I'll help her," Ellenor interrupted.
"You have work to do." Bobby told her.
"We all have work to do, Bobby. But when I have time, I'll help her. 
You won't know about it." Ellenor insisted.
Bobby looked at his desk and back at Lindsay, who evenly met his 
gaze, "File the suit and I'll give you two weeks to convince the 
company to settle. If you don't have any progress in two weeks, we 
let it go."
Lindsay smiled at his unexpected change of heart, "Thanks, Bobby! You 
won't regret it!"
"Now leave me alone."
Ellenor nodded and left the room. Lindsay began to walk away, but on 
impulse, turned back to Bobby and looked him in the eye, "I mean it, 
Bobby. Thank you."
Bobby met her gaze evenly, "I understand that you want to shine, 
Lindsay. Nobody wants to be a failure."
Lindsay looked away from his piercing stare, "I don't think you're a 
failure," she replied softly. She waited for a response, but when he 
said nothing, she left his office silently.

*************************************

END PART 18. Feedback? It's Christmas, be nice.

Title: In the Absence of Fear, part 19

Author: Alison (alleyb178@y...)

Author's note: Well, the end is near (there will only be one or two 
parts after this one), but don't worry, I have lots of other fics 
that are waiting to be posted! Oh, I should tell you that this one 
has two storis and both happen simultaneously. I must also tell you 
that I haven't seen the first season, so if there are discrepancies, 
deal with it.

Disclaimer: Surely you know the drill by now, if not see parts 1 to 
18 to brush up on it.

**********************************************

Bobby…

Bobby watched her go and when he heard the soft click of the door, he 
threw a law book at the wall. He was pleased when it made a 
satisfying crash and he looked for something else to throw.

Rebecca looked up startled when she heard the two crashes from 
Bobby's office. She wasn't sure whether it was safe to interrupt at 
this stage and so she waited until the tantrum subsided. Opening the 
door, she peeked in and saw Bobby sprawled on the couch with his 
hands rubbing his face.
"You look tired," she told him softly.
"I am tired. And angry and frustrated."
Rebecca closed the door and perched on the edge of the couch.
"Want to talk about it?"
"No."
Rebecca smiled. She had expected him to say that, in fact, if she had 
heard anything but no she would have died on the spot. For as long as 
she had known him, he had never willingly talked about his problems 
and it usually took some subtle questions and reading between the 
lines for her to figure out what was wrong. 
"So how's the Dixon case coming along?" Rebecca asked brightly.
Bobby was surprised at the change in subject and peeked out at her 
between his fingers, "Why?" he asked cautiously.
"I was just wondering. You've been working on it for a while."
Bobby shrugged, "It's fine."
Rebecca nodded, "Good. What about the manslaughter trial…what was
his 
name?"
"Harris?"
"That's him…Harris. How's that going?"
Bobby stared at Rebecca strangely, "It's fine too. Trial's next week."
"And-"
"Bec, are you going to ask me about all my cases? Because I didn't 
realise that I was meant to give you regular updates on them."
"I'm just curious that's all."
"Well take your curiosity somewhere else. I'm busy."
Rebecca swallowed her frustration and replied sarcastically, "Gee, 
you look busy too. Lying on the couch can be so strenuous."
Bobby chuckled, "I'm thinking."
"About the tobacco case?"
Bobby looked at her sharply, sitting up, "What do you know about 
that?"
"I just know that Lindsay met with the guy and when she took the case 
to you, you blew up over it."
"Is that what she told you?"
"No, that's what Ellenor told me. What's wrong with her taking
this 
case?"
"Rebecca, do you know how many trials there have been against tobacco 
companies?"
Rebecca nodded, "Lots."
"Exactly, and do you know how many have been won?"
"None," she replied softly.
"None. Now if we had the money to throw away, I would say by all 
means take this case and lose the trial. It would be good experience 
for her. But we don't have the money."
"Is that what this is all about?"
"All *what* about? The money? Yes my anger does come from the fact 
that nobody listens to what I say and nobody cares about the future 
of this firm except me. We are being evicted and all they can worry 
about is whether Lindsay gets her fame for going up against a tobacco 
company." He practically spat out her name and Rebecca realised that 
there was another issue being hidden by the tobacco case. She was 
determined to get to the bottom of it, but later.
"Oh, Bobby. You've got it wrong. They do care about this firm. 
They're as worried as you are, but you don't tell them anything.
You 
carry around the futures of everybody in this firm on your back, and 
it's going to kill you. Let them in, Bobby, they deserve to know."
He brooded over her words and she watched him silently while the 
clock ticked out the minutes. She was about to leave him alone, when 
he broke the silence. "Nothing is going right anymore."
"You mean money? Or relationships or what?"
"Everything," he replied despondently.
Rebecca laughed at him, "Bobby, get over the 'poor-little-me-
syndrome', you're too old to play that game."
"Thanks, Bec," he said sarcastically. 
"Maybe everything's finally going right and you're too worried to see 
it."
"You think staring 
bankruptcy
 in the face is an indication of things 
going right?"
"No, but there have been a lot of changes around here lately. We just 
need time to let things sort themselves out."
"I'm going to tell everybody to begin looking for new jobs."
"What!? You're just going to give up? That's not like you!"
"I've been stupid not to see it earlier."
"See what earlier?"
"That this firm has no future."
"What!?" Rebecca yelled again. "Where is this coming from?"
"Look at this place! It's a hellhole! We have never been financially 
solvent in the ten years that I've been practicing. I'm a failure." 
He finished sadly.
Rebecca opened her mouth but words failed to appear. She was stunned. 
She had never seen Bobby so depressed and pessimistic. When words 
finally found their way past the amazement, she just breathed 
softly, "Oh, Bobby!" She didn't know where to start. "You're not a 
failure, look at all you've achieved! You have your own firm with 
three other lawyers. I wouldn't call that a failure."
"But I have to think of them, now. Eugene has child support to
pay…I 
can't in good conscience let this firm fail and leave him with 
nothing. And Ellenor. She's worked so hard over the years. I can't do 
this to her. I've been too selfish for too long, its time I thought 
about them. And you…I couldn't leave you without a job."
Rebecca smiled, "Don't worry about me, Bobby. What about Lindsay?"
"She'll find work," he replied coldly.
Rebecca raised her eyebrows, "If this firm has no future, then why 
did you let her take the tobacco case?"
"She may as well have a shot at it. This firm won't be around
long 
enough for her to take it to trial."
"You really think that?"
"Yes."
Rebecca stood up and glared at him, "Well I can't believe I have been 
wrong about you for the last ten years, Bobby. I thought you were 
more than that. Obviously I was wrong."
"I've been a failure all along, Bec, we've just been too blind to see 
it."
Rebecca felt the anger rising at his doomsday attitude, "Fine, Bobby. 
Give up on all this," she made a sweeping motion with her arm. "Drown 
yourself in your sorrows. I don't care anymore." She began to walk 
out the door, but turned back to him with one last hope, "You can 
accept things. Bobby, or you can fight them. And if you fight them, 
it doesn't really matter whether you win or not, at least you know 
that you tried. And people will respect you for that."
Bobby's face remained expressionless and she slammed his door with 
all her might. 

*	*	*

Bobby looked at the beer that sat in front of him, dwelling over 
Rebecca's advice
"Another night, another beer, another story to tell," the voice 
commented sweetly.
Bobby turned with surprise at the voice, "Sarah! Why do we keep 
meeting like this?"
"Because I'm stalking you," she joked, the laughter on her lips. 
Bobby forced his face into a smile. "I see."
"Was that meant to be a smile, Bobby? It looked more like a grimace."
He just shook his head sadly.
"Are you going to buy me a drink?" she prodded.
"Um…sure. What will you have?"
"Whatever you're having."
He waved the barman over and ordered her drink.
"So why are you here?" he asked again.
"I'm meeting some girlfriends," she replied, sipping her beer. "We're 
having a girl's night out. Sorry, you can't come; you don't meet the 
requirements."
"What a shame."
"So how's Lindsay?" She asked brightly.
Bobby glared at her, "Why don't you call her and find out."
"Ah ha! The story comes out. This is why you're at a bar by yourself 
with a beer and a sad look. I told you: another night, another beer 
and another story to tell. Did you guys have a fight?"
He looked at her curiously, "What has she told you?"
"I haven't talked to her since the engagement party."
He narrowed his eyes, "You know, don't you?"
Her eyes sparkled, "I know some of the details."
"Great" he mumbled into his beer, downing it in one mouthful. He 
stood up to leave, but was pulled back down by Sarah. "It would be 
rude to leave me here all alone, Bobby."
He sat down silently.
"I'll talk. You listen." She ordered. "I don't know what happened 
between the two of you, and God knows I have no right to interfere, 
but I don't like seeing one of my oldest friends fade away, all 
alone. She's right for you, Bobby, and do you want to know why?"
"Enlighten me," he replied sarcastically.
She ignored him, "She's right for you because she sees you more 
clearly than you see yourself. And even though she sees you, she 
still loves you. You should hold on to that. It's a brave woman
who 
loves a closed off person like you."
"Thanks." His sarcasm was softer this time, almost as if he was hurt 
by her evaluation of him.
Sarah smiled, "Go and tell her how you feel."
He was about to respond when a group of women descended on them. In 
the midst of greetings, Sarah encouraged Bobby to stand up and pushed 
him towards the door. "Tell her!" she urged.

He walked out and drove around in circles until desperation took 
over. He finally gave in and drove to Lindsay's and with all the 
bravery he could muster, he knocked on the door. There was no answer. 
He knocked again, louder this time and when there was again no answer 
he sat in his car and waited. Bobby stared at the doorway, willing 
Lindsay to come home until finally he gave up, and with a screech of 
tyres, he drove away.

*	*	*

Lindsay…

Lindsay walked doggedly down the street, with rain pounding down 
around her. She smiled at the heavens and thanked them for providing 
such a suitable backdrop to her feelings. She felt like she was the 
heroine in a movie, a heroine that would overcome all obstacles and 
win the man, the career and the holiday. Lindsay sighed, it was nice 
to fantasize, but when the truth came out, she just wanted the man 
and the career. The holiday could wait for now.

The rain began to ease and Lindsay heard the faint sounds of music. 
Her step became curiously rhythmical as she walked in time to the 
music and her furious march slowed to a relaxed walk. The music 
became louder and reached its peak as she walked past an old 
building. She peered inside and saw a smoky room that looked like a 
jazz club. A young waiter who walked by the door noticed her 
hesitation. He smiled and urged her to come inside.
"But I'm all wet!" she protested.
"We'll soon have you dry," he replied suggestively. At her laughter, 
he continued, "The music warms the soul."
"Oh I see," Lindsay laughed again, feeling good to express some 
happiness for a change. The man, or boy, took her arm and gently led 
her to a table near the band. "What can I get you?"
"Vodka on the rocks with a twist."
"Wow, do you have some problems to drown?"
"Oh yeah!"
He returned minutes later with the drink and Lindsay took out her 
purse to pay him. He pushed her hand away. "On the house." 
She smiled gratefully and sipped the drink, finding her foot tapping 
in unison with the other people in the audience. It had been a long 
time since she had been to a jazz club, not since she had dated Chris 
Kelton in college and she found herself being lost in the atmosphere.
"Hey stranger."
She spun around and faced the person who had disrupted her good 
mood, "Speak of the devil," she mumbled to herself.
"Is that what you think of me?" Chris asked, pulling her to him in an 
embrace.
Lindsay struggled out of his embrace and smiled, "No. I was just 
thinking back to the last time I was at a jazz club."
"Brings back memories, huh?"
"It sure does."
"We haven't seen each other since we graduated. What are you
doing 
with yourself?"
"Working." She sighed melodramatically and he laughed.
"It can't be that bad!"
"It's not. I really like the people I work with, and I did a drug 
prelim a few days ago, which was fun."
"Fun? A drug prelim? You're values are screwed!"
Lindsay laughed, "I should watch my mouth in front of an assistant 
DA," she teased him.
He smiled, "I hope I meet you in court some day. Now that will be 
fun."
"Yeah." Her smile faded. 
"What's wrong?"
"Its…its nothing."
"That doesn't look like nothing to me, Lindsay. You've never been a 
good liar."
"That's what Helen says." She sighed again, "It's the firm I work 
for."
"Are they being unethical?" he joked.
Lindsay gave him a withering look, "They're defense attorneys! What 
do you think?"
"So that's not the problem?"
"No. I'm having some conflicts with the boss."
"Oooh. Sounds interesting."
"Chris, you're such a gossip."
"Come on, Lindsay. Give me details here."
"I came here to forget my problems. Are you going to help me forget 
them?" she turned to the waiter and waved him over, missing the flash 
of desire pass across Chris's face. As she turned back to him, she 
realised that her words may have been interpreted the wrong way. "I 
didn't mean that the way it sounded. I just want some good music and 
a friend to talk to."
"I know exactly what you meant, Lindsay," he replied with a smirk.
The waiter arrived and she ordered a glass of wine, "So you've 
decided to be more civilised this time?" he teased her.
Lindsay laughed with him, "I've gotten over the rebellious stage of 
the night. Now I'm just going to relax and have a good time."
"Glad to hear it."
"Actually, could we have a bottle of wine?" Chris interrupted them.
Lindsay looked at him curiously, and nodded to the waiter. He stared 
at them solemnly and walked away. He didn't like the look of Chris 
and he decided that he'd keep an eye on the couple for the rest of 
the night.
Chris poured them both a glass and Lindsay drank hers eagerly. Chris 
wasn't the desired company, her body ached for Bobby, but he was an 
adequate substitute. She smiled and nodded with what he was saying, 
not really listening to his words. Her thoughts were focussed on the 
tobacco case. She wished that she could just abandon it, and make up 
with Bobby, but she couldn't. If he didn't let her continue with it, 
she'd leave. It was as simple as that.
"You're not listening to me," Chris said suddenly, grabbing her wrist 
across the table. 
She looked up and tried to pry her hand from his grip, "I am! Can you 
let go of me please?" 
"No. Not until you listen to me."
"Fine, I'll listen." The wine was beginning to go to her head,
and 
she squinted at him. "But first I need to go to the bathroom."
"Okay. But hurry back."
"I will."
Lindsay made her way to the bathroom and stared at her reflection in 
the mirror until she could see her reflection without squinting. 
You're not having any more to drink, Lindsay, she told herself and 
wandered back to the table, where Chris had just ordered another 
bottle of wine. She shook her head at him, "No, I've had enough, 
Chris."
He raised his eyebrows, "Come on, Lindsay. Where's your sense of 
adventure?"
"I left it in college. I'm going home." Lindsay grabbed her purse and 
stood up, feeling slightly dizzy. Chris pulled her back down and she 
gratefully sank back into the chair.
"I'll drive you home."
"No, I'll call a cab," Lindsay protested feebly.
"I insist, Lindsay. You're in no condition to find your own way home."
She sighed, knowing that he was right. "Okay."
Chris stood and gently helped her stand. He walked her to the door, 
and the waiter, who had been watching closely, blocked their path. He 
looked Lindsay in the eye, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," she slurred.
"I'll see that she gets home safely," Chris told him gallantly.
The waiter nodded and let them pass. 
As they left, Chris turned to Lindsay and gave a scornful laugh, "Who 
does he think he is to stop us from leaving?"
"I thought he was sweet," Lindsay replied, trying to get her tongue 
to coordinate with the movements of her lips.
"You would."  Chris laughed and put his arm around her shoulders, 
leading her to his car and gently helping her in. Lindsay leaned her 
head back against the head rest and closed her eyes. She felt like 
she had lost complete control of her body and she felt her it sway 
with the movement of the car, unable to stop the movement. Chris 
looked over and smiled at her. Lindsay rolled her head to the side 
and slurred, "Are we there yet?"
"Not yet."
Lindsay rolled her head to the other side. She watched the rain slide 
across the window and reached up and traced it with her finger. With 
a jolt, Chris pulled up outside her apartment and raced out to open 
her door. He helped her out and supported her up the stairs. Lindsay 
peered through her blurry vision to see a car race down the street. 
She squinted, trying to make her eyes focus on the road. She was sure 
that the car was the same as Bobby's. Chris took the keys out of her 
coat and opened the door, pulling her through. "Wait!" she ordered, 
and tried to scramble back to the door, but the road was empty. She 
sighed and as soon as she was inside, collapsed on the couch. Chris 
patted her on the knee and announced with a false yawn, "I'm tired. 
Take care of yourself, you hear?"
"Sure," Lindsay replied sleepily, her head rolling to the side.
Chris smiled and left the apartment quietly.

*****************************************

END PART 19, feedback will be a wonderful Christmas present!

Title: In the Absence of Fear, part 20

Author: Alison (alleyb178@y...)

Author's note: This part was really hard to write and I want you to 
appreciate that when you read it. Writers Block is a horrible disease 
and the only known cure is feedback. I'll need at least a triple dose 
if you want me to continue with this story LOL. Bribery and 
corruption…my specialty. Anyway, I hope you like this part. It 
focuses on the tobacco case and begins the whole Chris Kelton thing. 
Keep in mind, I haven't seen the first season.

Disclaimer: By part 20, who really cares. But so as not to get myself 
sued, the characters don't belong to me. Except Sarah and Jerry. 
They're mine, but they don't appear in this instalment.

*********************************
Previously on The Practice…

Lindsay grabbed her purse and stood up, feeling slightly dizzy. Chris 
pulled her back down and she gratefully sank back into the chair.
"I'll drive you home."
"No, I'll call a cab," Lindsay protested feebly.
"I insist, Lindsay. You're in no condition to find your own way home."
She sighed, knowing that he was right. "Okay."
Chris stood and gently helped her stand. He walked her to the door, 
and the waiter, who had been watching closely, blocked their path. He 
looked Lindsay in the eye, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," she slurred.
"I'll see that she gets home safely," Chris told him gallantly.

*********************************

Lindsay clawed her way up to consciousness and groaned when she got 
there. She wasn't sure how much she had had to drink the night 
before, but she was sure that it was a lot. She smiled. Thank god for 
Chris, she thought to herself. He had been such a gentleman, talking 
to her and then taking her home. He had always been so sweet with 
her. The smile faded from her face and she thought of Bobby. Her mind 
had wandered to him several times over the duration of the night and 
she continually wished that it were him talking to her instead of 
Chris. She shook her head ruefully, it was over and she should forget 
about renewing it. It was over.

*	*	*

"It's all over," Bobby told Rebecca cheerfully.
"What?" she asked, looking up from her work. She couldn't believe 
that this was the same Bobby that had sounded so depressed the night 
before.
"Our financial worries, they're all over."
Rebecca laughed, "Why? Did you win the lottery?"
"No. I'm going to the bank. I'm going to ask for a loan. If we can 
hold on until the tobacco trial, we might be able to survive."
"Whoa! Back up a little. Until the tobacco trial? I thought you 
weren't going to let it go to trial."
"It may be our only hope."
"But Bobby-"
"I'll take Lindsay to the bank. Hopefully they'll see her as a kind 
of guarantee." He looked towards Lindsay's desk, "She's not here yet?"
"No," Rebecca looked at her watch. "She's usually here by this time, 
though. I wonder where she is."
Bobby remembered the night before, seeing her arrive with that DA guy 
in the rear vision mirror. He had spent the whole night thinking 
about it. Worrying. Finally, he had given up and gone to the office. 
He had decided that he would give Lindsay a chance with the tobacco 
case. She had given him a wake up call and he was going to take it. 
From now on, he was going to be a good boss, supportive and helpful.
Rebecca watched him with speculation, "Do you know where she is?"
"No. Why would I know? What are you suggesting?" He looked 
uncomfortably at the floor.
Rebecca looked at him sideways, she had been sensing that something 
was going on between Bobby and Lindsay and now she was certain.
"Were you with her last night?" she asked slowly, putting the pieces 
together.
"What!? No!" he replied emphatically.
"You're lying."
"I'm not, Bec. I don't know where she was last night."
"Do you know where she was two nights ago? What about last week? Last 
month?"
"What are you trying to say?"
"She has you tied up in knots. I'm not oblivious, you know."
"No she doesn't."
"So what happened? Did she leave you for another guy?"
Bobby looked hurt, "No. We had a fight. About the tobacco case."
"But you like her, don't you."
"I don't know, Bec. But she certainly doesn't like me."
"How do you know?"
He continued to stare at the floor. "She was with another guy last 
night."
Rebecca blew out a breath, "I didn't know she was seeing someone 
else."
"Neither did I."
"I'm sorry."
She listened to Bobby's silence, "I'll let you know when she gets 
here, okay?"
He nodded and wandered back into his office, his good mood all but 
disappeared.

*	*	*

Lindsay looked at her watch and groaned. She pushed her sunglasses 
back up the bridge of her nose and entered the office.
Rebecca looked up worriedly as Lindsay walked in the door.
"Where have you been? We've been trying to call all morning."
"I didn't hear the phone," Lindsay replied, puzzled.
"It must have been off the hook, then." She paused and studied 
Lindsay carefully, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Something's wrong. Why are you wearing sunglasses?"
"The sun was bright outside."
"Uh huh. Let me see your eyes."
"Why should I?"
"Its rude to wear sunglasses inside."
"I'll take them off when I'm ready."
"Well you'd better take your ready self to Bobby's office. He's 
waiting for you."
"Okay," Lindsay replied nervously. She knocked on Bobby's door and 
heard the curt reply to come in. She grimaced and stepped inside.
Bobby saw the sunglasses and looked at her coldly, "Late night?"
"No…yes…sort of."
He nodded, "I heard from the lawyers representing TL Michaels."
"Oh?" Lindsay asked; forgetting her hangover for a second. "Who are 
the sharks representing them?"
"Someone you might know. He's a professor at Harvard."
"You're kidding!"
"Anderson Pearson is his name. Do you know him?" He saw Lindsay's 
stunned expression and gathered that she had.
"Anderson Pearson!?" she breathed. "He was my favourite professor."
"Well, he called here. He wants to talk."
"Should I meet with him?" Lindsay asked nervously.
"Of course you should! We want to know whether we have any chance of 
a settlement."
"I don't want to settle."
"If they offer anything, we take it, Lindsay. That's an order."
Lindsay nodded, glad that Bobby was at least talking about the case. 
She sat down and without thinking, removed her sunglasses. Bobby saw 
her eyes and held back a laugh. "You did have a hard night!"
"What?" Lindsay replied distractedly, still thinking of Anderson 
Pearson. She looked up and realised her mistake. "Oh," she replied 
sheepishly.
Bobby's eyes begged her to reveal where she had been, but she said 
nothing. He cleared his throat, "I'll go with you to that meeting 
with Anderson Pearson."
Lindsay nodded, "Okay." She stood up, "Is that all?"
"You might want to have an aspirin before we leave, you don't look 
too good."
"I feel awful," she admitted.
"You have an hour before we have to go. Oh. And I was wondering 
whether you'd come with me to the bank this afternoon."
"The bank?"
"Yeah…I need to talk to them about some financing…I think
I'll have a 
better chance if you're there."
For the first time that morning, she met his gaze, "Sure."
He nodded his thanks and Lindsay left his office.

"So you've taken the sunglasses off." Rebecca commented as Lindsay 
walked over to her desk.
"It was dark in there, I was running into things," Lindsay replied.
"You look like hell."
"Thanks, Bec. You described how I feel to a T."
"How much did you drink?"
"Too much."
"With Helen?" Rebecca asked innocently.
Lindsay raised her eyebrows at the twenty questions. "No, I met up 
with an old friend."
"Boyfriend?
"He was once. But he was there when I needed someone to talk to and 
he poured all my drinks."
"So nothing else happened?" Bec asked, hoping that Bobby was 
listening.
"Are you my keeper, Bec? I'm a big girl, you know."
"I know, I'm sorry."
"Nothing else happened," Lindsay assured her.

Bobby listened with a still heart. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but 
the door was wide open and the words had drifted in. He was half 
relieved that nothing else had happened, but he didn't like that 
Lindsay had turned to another man.

*	*	*

"So how long have you known that guy?" Lindsay asked as they left the 
bank.
"Who? Jimmy?"
Lindsay nodded.
"We went to college together. He's a good guy, but law wasn't really 
his thing."
"He seems like a good friend."
"He is. I just hope that he doesn't get into trouble." Bobby sighed 
and rubbed his eyes. 

Lindsay's heart went out to him; he was obviously stressed. She put 
her hand up and rested it on his shoulder, "We'll get by, Bobby. 
You've been through tough times before."
He avoided her eyes, her touch burning through his skin like hot 
coals, "They've never been this bad."
"We'll try the tobacco case. I'm sure we can get some money out of 
them."
Bobby didn't have the heart or energy to argue with her and just 
nodded sullenly, "So how was your date last night?"
Her heart stopped beating for a second, "What?"
"I overheard you telling Rebecca about it."
"It wasn't a date," Lindsay told him coldly.
His felt his insides jump around happily, "Oh?" his voice was 
nonchalant.
"He was an old friend and he was there when I needed to talk to 
someone."
"You must have had a lot to drink."
"So?" Lindsay replied defensively.
"Well, he mustn't have been a good friend if he let you drink that 
much."
"I needed to forget a few things," she returned bitterly.
That one hurt him and he abandoned this fishing expedition, "Uh…
thanks for coming along today, I appreciate it."
She smiled a small smile, "No problem…Listen, about the tobacco
case. 
Maybe you should take over."
"What? Why?"
"Bobby, I have no experience with jury trials, and its Anderson 
Pearson. He's one of the best, I have no chance. And if I lose, the 
firm won't get any money and we'll go bankrupt and everybody will 
have to find new jobs. I don't want that kind of pressure."
"This is because it's your professor, isn't it?"
"No. It's because I have no experience."
"I know you, Lindsay. This is all about your professor. I could see 
it at that meeting today. You're ashamed to be working here, aren't 
you? You feel that you don't meet up with his expectations and now 
your going soft."
"No I'm not. I can do it, Bobby. I just don't want to see the firm go 
bankrupt.
"I saw it in your eyes, Lindsay. You felt his disappointment in 
there."
Lindsay felt her eyes well up and turned away from him, knowing that 
he was right. Hating him for seeing her true feelings.
"I'm not taking over this case, Lindsay. It's your project and you 
can see it through to the end."
She sniffed, "Whatever."
The silence was heavy as they continued to the office.

*	*	*

Late nights soon became as natural as breathing for Lindsay as she 
became buried in the preparation of the tobacco case. She hated the 
tactics that she was about to employ, but she had only one choice to 
prove to Bobby and her professor that she was a good lawyer. Her only 
chance. 

Everybody at the office had become silent and withdrawn. The cases 
still flowed through in a never ending stream, but the enthusiasm had 
been washed away. The end seemed alarmingly near and there was little 
they could do about it. The 
loan
 from the bank had been discovered 
and suddenly there was a new lawyer to pay. Bobby had felt bad about 
putting his friend in such an awkward situation and had given him a 
job. Rebecca had not been happy about that decision.

Lindsay represented her first drug client and had his case dropped on 
a technicality. To her amazement and Bobby's delight, the guy 
recommended her to his friends and now she had a steady stream of 
clients. The rest of the firm was thrilled: drug dealers weren't the 
darlings of society, but at least they had money to pay the attorney 
fees and usually they did this fairly promptly. Lindsay,to say the 
least, was dismayed at her new popularity. 

So it was weeks later, when Lindsay listened with a still heart to 
the settlement offered by Anderson Pearson and TL Michaels. She had 
won. She had beaten her professor at his own game. But she had lost 
his respect, and that was something that she felt she would never get 
over. For the moment, her attention was focussed elsewhere. And that 
elsewhere was Bobby. He held her so tightly, so affectionately, that 
Lindsay's mind was suddenly caught up in a fantasy that their 
relationship could be revived. There were tears in her eyes when she 
turned to him, and quipped, "So can we get a conference table now?

The firm was saved.

Bobby sat in his office, musing over the events of the week when a 
knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. He had hoped that it was 
Lindsay. Rebecca smirked, "You wanted it to be someone else, didn't 
you?"
He conceded this with a nod.
"She did a pretty amazing thing."
He nodded again.
"She saved this place, and all she's asking for is a conference 
table."
"We don't have anywhere to put a conference table."
"Yes we do. It means more to her than just a piece of furniture, 
Bobby."
"I know. But I don't want her thinking that we'll become a high rise, 
fancy law firm, because we'll never be that."
"She doesn't want this place to become that. But she wants to
become 
respectable. And a table may just help her to feel that way."
"Yeah."
"Maybe now is also a good time to apologise to her about the way 
you've been behaving."
"I haven't been yelling at her."
"You've been a little cold, Bobby. All you ever talk to her about is 
the cases."
"We are colleagues, Bec. That's what colleagues talk about."
"There's potential for you to be so much more than that."
"It will never happen."
"You won't know unless you try," she stood up and stretched, "I'm 
going home. Have a good night."
"Good night."

Bobby waited until she had gone before rising and packing his things 
away. He needed to have an early night. Before leaving, he opened the 
door to the next room and peered inside, wondering what sort of 
conference table Lindsay had in mind. He paced out the available 
space and wrote it down in his notebook. If she wanted a conference 
table, he would get her a conference table.

In his car, a wave of impulsiveness came over him, and unused to the 
feeling, he obeyed it. He indicated suddenly and cut in front of 
traffic in the next lane, causing them to beep their horns furiously. 
He eventually pulled to a stop outside her apartment and took a deep 
breath. He had no idea what he was going to say. He knew that she had 
gone out with the others to celebrate the win at McCall's, but he 
could see lights on inside and knew that she was home. He knocked and 
waited in breathless anticipation for her to answer. She did so 
almost immediately and went white when she saw him.
"Bobby!"
"Hi. Can I come in?"
She looked around her and stepped to the side, allowing his 
entry, "What's up?"
"I need to talk to you."
"Okay," she picked up some magazines that were scattered over the 
sofa and indicated for him to sit, "Would you like something to 
drink?"
"No, I'm fine." He sat down and she sat in an armchair across the 
room. He felt the cavernous space between them and felt his courage 
fade.
"I just wanted to say congratulations…and uh…thanks."
She wasn't going to make this easy for him, "You said that this 
afternoon."
"I know. But I wanted to say it again. You saved the firm."
"Well, it wasn't just me, Bobby. You did a lot of work, and Ellenor 
helped. It was a team effort."
"But if you hadn't been si stubborn in the beginning…"
"Stubborn? Thanks Bobby. Is that all?"
"No. I want to tell you…" he trailed off and she raised her
eyebrows 
questioningly. He sighed, "We need to clear the air a little bit. I 
don't like the way we've become. I value your friendship and I miss 
it."
She lowered her eyes, "I miss it to."
"Can we go back to what we were?"
She shook her head, "It' changed us, Bobby. We can never have that 
friendship, but we can start a new one."
He smiled, "I'd like that."
A knock at the door interrupted them, and both were startled by it.
"It might be Helen," Lindsay suggested.
She opened the door and Chris stepped past her, "Hey Linds. I've been 
thinking-" he saw Bobby.
Lindsay stood between the two. Awkward didn't even begin to
describe 
how she felt. She wished that Chris would just leave, but Bobby was 
already standing up, "I'd better go. Lindsay, I'll see you at work 
tomorrow." He leaned over and kissed her cheek, nodding cordially to 
Chris as he left.
Chris watched him go with a smirk on his face, "Was that your boss?" 
he asked loudly
Lindsay nodded sullenly. The excitement of Bobby's arrival had faded.
"Chris, I've had a long day. I'm going to bed."
"Awww, Lindsay! I thought you might want to celebrate your win. You 
beat Anderson Pearson, surely that's something you want to celebrate?"
"Not tonight. I'm tired. Maybe another night." Her look implored 
him, "Please, Chris. Not tonight."
His grin faded and he left the apartment without a word.

Bobby sat outside in his car. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for, 
and he certainly didn't want to see all the lights go out in 
Lindsay's apartment, but in the fascinated horror that makes normal 
people stare at crime scenes and accident sites, he waited for what 
he felt would be inevitable. Chris had worn a look that had assured 
Bobby what his intentions were. But Bobby was wrong. Five minutes 
after he had left, the door opened and Chris walked to his car, 
obviously not happy about the way things had turned out. Bobby smiled 
and started his engine. He had seen enough for one night.

*********************************

End Part 20

Title: In the Absence of Fear, 21

Author: If you don't know this by now, I've done something wrong 
(alleyb178@y...)

Author's note: Is anyone else here as bored as I am with this story? 
No? Well, it's just me, then. There will be one part to follow this 
one. That's all. Sorry. Oh and this is a rather short instalment. 
Sorry again.

Disclaimer: Yada, yada, yada. See part 1.

*********************************

Lindsay looked over the heads in the bar. It was lunchtime and the 
bar was alive with people. She saw the familiar dark hair and smiled.
"Hey, sorry I'm late," she dumped her briefcase and sat down wearily.
"I only just got here myself," Helen replied dismissively.
"Good. Have you ordered?"
"The waiter went past about a minute ago, but I decided to wait for 
you."
"Big mistake," Lindsay replied, searching for the harassed waiter. 
She spotted him across the room and waved to get his attention.
"He won't see you."
"I can dream, can't I?" The waiter began to move towards them and she 
smirked at Helen, but her triumph faded when he walked straight 
past, "Damn!"
Helen ignored her, "We haven't talked since before the tobacco case. 
How are you?"
"Busy," Lindsay sighed. "Ellenor and I begin a new trial next week."
"The pimp?"
"Yeah. Kenny."
"He is so guilty, Lindsay."
Lindsay met Helen's eye, "He has the right to a trial."
"He's guilty."
"I didn't come here to argue my cases with you. What's up?"
"What, I can't have lunch with my best friend?"
"I just sensed that there might be something else."
"Well…I did want to talk to you about something." Lindsay raised
her 
eyebrows curiously and Helen continued, "I saw Bobby in the 
courthouse. He's a nice guy, isn't he?"
Lindsay felt the colour drain from her face, "Yes…he is."
"I misjudged him."
"Oh?" her voice came out as a croak and Lindsay wished she had a 
drink in front of her to be preoccupied with.
"Well, when you first began working at the firm, I wasn't very nice 
to him. I think I called him a stalker," Helen winced at this memory.
Lindsay nodded, recalling. "I think you also threatened to throw him 
in jail."
"I know…I'm not too proud of that moment."
They were interrupted by the waiter who had finally gotten around to 
their table. They ordered quickly and returned to the subject at hand.
Lindsay remembered where they had left off, "Don't worry about it. 
He's probably forgotten."
"I hope so. The most important part…well…when I was talking
to him 
this morning, I was thinking that he's pretty sexy."
Lindsay looked at Helen in shock, "What are you getting at?"
"Maybe I'll ask him out."
"You can't do that!"
Helen raised her eyebrows, "Why not?"
"Because he's my boss. It would be awkward."
"We're adults, I think we could all deal with it. But don't
worry, I 
wasn't going to ask him right away."
"Good. Don't."
Helen looked at her strangely, "Are you okay?"
Lindsay ducked her head, "Of course. I'm fine."
"You look a little white," Helen observed.
"I said I'm fine."
"Okay," Helen regarded her friend casually, "Hey, I saw Chris this 
morning. He said that you went out on a date on Tuesday night."
"It wasn't a date. We ran into each other in a jazz club."
"Well, he seems to think it was a date"
"He would. It wasn't a date," Lindsay told her emphatically.
"Okay, okay. I was just telling you." She smiled, remembering Lindsay 
and Chris in college. They had dated on and off, but Chris seemed to 
have a strange ability to loosen Lindsay up. They had been a cute 
couple.
Lindsay stared at Helen, who was lost in her little dream 
world, "What are you thinking about?" she asked nervously.
"You and Chris. You were a good match."
"No we weren't. He made me drink too much."
"You always seemed happy."
"That's because I was always half drunk."
Their lunch arrived, and Lindsay bolted hers down as quickly as she 
could. She needed to think about Helen's bombshell. Helen and Bobby? 
She thought with horror. It would be her worst nightmare.

*	*	*

Bobby watched Lindsay walk through the door that afternoon. From a 
few not so subtle questions to Rebecca, he had found that Lindsay had 
met Helen for lunch. He felt relieved. At least it wasn't Chris. 
Standing at his door, he caught Lindsay's eye and she sighed with 
dismay when he gestured that she meet him in his office. She knew 
that she was going to get questions about Chris and she wasn't sure 
how she should answer them. Should she make him jealous? No, she 
wasn't the type. She'd be straight with him. He deserved that much.

"What's up?" she asked neutrally.
"Uh…how's Kenny's case coming along?"
"Why don't you ask Ellenor? She's first chair."
"I know she is…but I want to know what you think."
"Oh…well…its fine. I think we have a chance. But the DA is
good. He 
doesn't lose much."
"Just do your best."
"We will. Is that all?" Lindsay asked. She could see the question in 
Bobby's eyes and felt unprepared to answer it.
Bobby swallowed the lump in his throat and then swallowed his 
pride, "So you're seeing that DA guy…what's his name?"
Lindsay's eyes widened, "Chris!? No, we're just friends. We…we
used 
to date. But we're not anymore. He made me…he was a little
too…I 
don't know…we're just friends." She finished lamely, wanting
to tell 
him how in the past Chris had made her loosen up when it came to sex, 
but she didn't feel right about it. His blue eyes pierced hers, 
sensing that there was something else that she was going to say. She 
stared him down and finally he accepted her explanation wordlessly.
"Is that all?" Lindsay asked again.
He nodded and watched her walk to the door. "Lindsay?" he asked 
suddenly.
She spun around a little breathlessly, "Yes?"
He remembered the look in Chris' eyes the night before and 
shuddered, "Don't let him push you around."
She smiled, "You think I'd let someone push me around?"
"No. But don't let him be the first."
"Okay, boss." She left his office and laughed off his warning.

*	*	*

It was a couple of weeks later that Lindsay wandered through the 
courthouse, lost in thought. She couldn't believe the bullet that she 
and Ellenor had just dodged. Disbarment. The word still sent tremors 
through her heart. And it was all thanks to Bobby that she could now 
practice law. She remembered the conversation they had had after he 
had found out about the jury tampering.

"Of all the stupid things to do." His voice had been quiet but 
menacing.
"You can't blame us, you know," Lindsay's voice was quiet but firm.
Bobby turned to her, "Excuse me?"
"Ellenor is right. This firm isn't about ethics or portraying a good 
image to the bar. We live up to the stereotype of lawyers. We cheat 
and manipulate and do whatever we can to get an acquittal. She's 
right. You can't blame us for simply living up to that image."
"I can and will blame you for being so damn stupid. I can see Ellenor 
thinking about hiding the incident, but YOU? Why the hell did you go 
along with this?"
Lindsay lowered her eyes, "I don't know."
Bobby continued without hearing her, "You regularly criticise my 
actions and strategies in court, saying that I'm being unethical, you 
also say you want this firm to take on more civil cases to bring our 
reputation out of the gutter, yet here you are guilty of jury 
tampering. Forgive me for not understanding here."
"It was stupid. I admit that, Bobby. But it was done with the client 
in mind."
Bobby ignored her, "Do you realise that because you are suspended you 
can't take on any more cases until we sort this out? Did you think of 
that? So on top of the extra cases that the rest of us will have to 
take, we'll also have to represent you at the hearing in front of the 
bar. I can't believe this."
Lindsay felt her anger rise, "Are you finished?"
Bobby finally turned to her, his raving finished for the time 
being, "For now."
Lindsay stood up to leave, "You of all people have no right to 
criticise our actions." She had slammed the door on exit and heard 
the satisfactory rattle of the walls.

The words must have hit home, because Bobby had done everything he 
could to get the charge dropped and Lindsay knew that she had some 
serious grovelling to do.

"Lindsay!"
The voice startled her out of her reverie and she turned to greet the 
interruption. "Chris."
"Hey, you're back. Is Bobby giving you cases again?"
"Yeah, he's beginning to forgive us. I have to go…PC hearing,"
she 
began to walk away, sticking to her promise that she would stay away 
from him.
He followed her hopefully, "Do you want to go out for a drink later?"
"Maybe. Chris, I have to go."
"I'll call you," he called after her.
"Great," Lindsay muttered under her breath.

It was hours later, back at the office, that she felt brave enough to 
thank Bobby. She knocked on his door and found him in discussion with 
his co-counsel on a murder trial. She had been an ex-girlfriend and 
Lindsay felt a sharp twinge of jealousy. The jealousy was needless. 
The atmosphere between the two friends was less than civil. Both 
turned to Lindsay as she entered and gave her a cold stare, "What do 
you want?" Bobby asked.
"Um…I'm sorry…Bobby, can I...uh…talk to you?"
"Not right now, Lindsay. Can't you see that I'm busy?" he yelled.
"Oh…okay." She left the office and sat at her desk, looking at
the 
computer screen without actually seeing anything. Rebecca looked at 
her sympathetically, "Bobby's having a bad day. Don't listen to him."
Lindsay nodded, putting on a brave face, "Yeah."
Rebecca picked up the ringing phone, and gave Lindsay a sly 
glance, "Linds, it's Chris."
Lindsay sent her a stressed look and picked up the phone, "Lindsay 
Dole."
"Lindsay. I'll pick you up from your office at seven."
"Oh Chris, I really can't…"
"Come on, Lindsay. Give me something here. One drink…I promise."
Lindsay looked into Bobby's office to see him talking to the other 
woman. She turned her attention back to the Chris, "One drink. Pick 
me up at six."
"Can we make it a little later?"
"Six or I go home and have a bath."
"Six o'clock. I'll be there."
Lindsay hung up the phone and met Rebecca's stare, "What?"
"I thought you said you weren't dating him."
"I'm not. It's just a drink with an old friend."
"Yeah right."
"Can we drop the issue please?"
"Okay." Rebecca shook her head and turned her attention back to her 
work.
Lindsay looked blankly at her computer and sighed. Just one drink, 
what could happen?

*	*	*

Bobby watched as Chris swept into the office and whisked Lindsay away 
at six o'clock. He felt Rebecca's pointed stare and turned to 
her, "When did that happen?"
"This afternoon. She promised him one drink."
"He won't settle for one drink." Bobby told her darkly.
"Why, Bobby! Are you jealous?" Ellenor teased him.
"No. I'm just looking out for my employees, that's all."
"So you have control over our personal lives now?"
"Elly, you don't have a personal life. None of us do." Bobby joked.
"Lindsay obviously does," she returned quickly.
Her remark hit home with Bobby, "We'll soon change that. This job 
doesn't leave much room for a personal life." He looked at the
file 
in his hand, "I have to get back to work."
"Me too," Ellenor agreed, sitting back at her desk and opening a file.
"So do I," Rebecca laughed. "Not a personal life in sight." She added 
quietly.

*	*	*

Lindsay swallowed the wine and clumsily put the glass back down. She 
had lost count on the number of glasses she had had, but she was 
enjoying herself for the first time in months. She didn't need Bobby. 
She had Chris. He was just as good as Bobby…well almost as good.
At 
least he found her attractive and didn't yell at her. That was always 
a plus. 'I'm happy' she thought. And she almost believed it. Almost.
"Have some more," Chris gently persuaded her. 
She smiled slyly, "I promised you one drink. And I've had…" she 
looked helplessly at the coffee table that held countless empty 
bottles of wine, "way more than that. I think you should go. I have 
to work tomorrow."
"It's still early! And as usual you dominated the conversation. When 
are we going to talk about me?"
"I think my problems are much greater than yours."
"You've always believed that, Lindsay. But they're not. In comparison 
to some other people's problems, yours are pretty insignificant."
"They're significant to me."
"Of course they are. I just think you should lighten up a little." He 
winked at her.
"I'm not going to lighten up, Chris. This is me, take it or leave it."
"I'll take it," he teased, putting his arm around her.
Lindsay regretted her words. She hadn't meant to give him the wrong 
idea. "I think you should leave."
"One more drink," he pleaded, giving her a charming smile.
"One more. Then you go."
"Okay. I'll get another bottle," he left the room and Lindsay leaned 
back against the sofa, closing her eyes. She felt odd, but she liked 
the feeling. She heard Chris coming back and sat up, trying to put 
the barriers up again, but she couldn't. Chris sat next to her
and 
took her hand, kissing it softly, the kisses then travelling up her 
arm and to her neck. She closed her eyes, allowing him to undress her 
slowly. There was a vague argument in the back of her mind, but she 
didn't listen. Without further thought, she surrendered herself 
completely to him.

END PART 21


Title: In the Absence of Fear, Final

Author: Yep, it's me.

Author's note: Now this is where I say how regretful I am to be finishing
this story…but that would be lying and I'm not a liar. I  want to thank
everybody who have made so many positive comments and  have encouraged me
every step of the way. You have been wonderful. I thank you from the bottom
of my heart. I have received a great  suggestion from Jewel, who says that
I should continue this story later. I might just do that, although, I'm
fairly happy with the way this ends. I have a lot of other stories ready to
be posted, as poor Livvy knows, so I won't be disappearing from this board.
Ummmm….what  else? I liked writing this part and I feel like it ties up all
the  loose ends. I hope you like it. Thanks again for all the wonderful
comments.

Disclaimer:

The characters in this story aren't mine and neither is the firm They
belong to DEK, a writer whose talent I want to learn I thank him for his
sharing and cooperation I have to say I make no profit from any corporation

*********************************

It was only when she was throwing up the next morning that it occurred to
her that something else had gone on the night before. She  just didn't know
what. The doctor had been comforting and had taken a blood test. Gamma
Hydroxy Butyrate. Liquid X. Easy lay. Call it what you like, it still meant
the same thing. He had raped her.

The troubling part was that at first she wasn't sure how she felt about it.
He had claimed that he had always drugged her in one way or another, and
she had known. In college there had always been alcohol to remove any of
her inhibitions. But that was the extent of it. Alcohol…not illicit drugs.
The other complicated part was that she had enjoyed it. A lot. Any DA would
tell her that she had no chance at winning a criminal trial. It would just
serve to ruin her reputation, and she wasn't willing to risk that. Being a
logical person, she listed her options. She could go to the police and risk
everything to put him away, she could let things lie, or she could do
something to him. It didn't take long for her to decide that the first two
options weren't worthwhile. It also didn't take long for her to decide that
she needed to make him limp a little.

She had sat at home with the gun in one hand and a glass of wine in the
other. Just like with sex, she felt that she needed to loosen up a little
before shooting him in. It seemed almost fitting that she loosen up with a
glass of wine. But one glass hadn't been enough. So she had another and
another. As she drank, she imagined his fear, his begging voice. She would
make him beg for his life. She would make him apologise. She would stop him
from ever doing something like this again. With those thoughts in mind, she
put the gun in her pocket and left her apartment.

*       *       *

Rebecca looked at her watch for the fiftieth time that day. She had met a
crying Lindsay in the morning and told her to go home. But when she called,
nobody answered. She was about to consider driving over to check on her
when Lindsay appeared at the door looking slightly shocked, but also
strangely pleased.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"Where have you been?"
"At the courthouse."
"Doing what?"
"I had to confront Chris."
Rebecca suspected something but Bobby appeared from his office and she
dropped the issue.
"Lindsay where the hell have you been?" Bobby was irate.
Rebecca tried to send him a warning look, but his attention was focussed on
Lindsay.
"That's none of your business," Lindsay's eyes flashed angrily. She
remembered the gun that she had put back in her pocket. Maybe she could
teach Bobby a lesson too, she thought giddily to herself, the wine going to
her head.
"Well I would appreciate it if you could try to make it to work before
midday. We have a ton of work to do, and your not doing any of it. So
either help out or get out!"
"Fine!" Much to Bobby's amazement, Lindsay picked up her bag and walked out
of the office. He looked at Rebecca who glared back, "How could you be so
insensitive?" She yelled at him. Without answering he stalked back into his
office, slamming the door.

*       *       *

Lindsay stood on the street, looking at her cell phone. She punched in the
numbers and held it to her ear.
"Helen Gamble."
"Helen!" Lindsay cried in relief when she heard her friend's voice.
"Linds. What's wrong?"
"I…are you busy?"
"Yes. But I can cancel this. It isn't important. Tell me what's wrong."
"Can you meet me at my apartment?"
"Of course. Give me fifteen minutes."

Helen's face was all concern when she saw her friend. Lindsay was curled up
on the sofa, looking at a blank TV screen.
"Daytime TV can be pretty bad, huh?" Helen joked, but Lindsay didn't crack
a smile.
"Okay, so humour doesn't work. Let's try sympathy. What happened?"
Lindsay continued to look blankly at the TV, "I went out with Chris Kelton
a couple of nights ago," she commented dully.
Helen took this in, not sure where it was leading. "Okay. But I thought you
said that you were just friends."
"I was angry…and he was there. He's always been a good listener."
"So this is why you called me? Because you had a date with Chris?"
"No…" she took a deep breath and looked her friend in the eye.
"He raped me," she choked on the words as she said them and Helen did a
double take.
"He WHAT?"
Lindsay enjoyed Helen's anger, but opened her eyes in shock as the anger
came directed at her.
"And it took two days for you to tell me?" Helen yelled.
Lindsay raised her hands defensively, "Hey! I'm not the one you should be
yelling at here."
"Sorry. How are you feeling?" Helen asked, suddenly showing nothing but
concern.
Lindsay changed the subject, "I've watched the others talk to rape victims;
seen them cross examine them in court. Make the rape seem like it was their
fault. And I hated it…I really did. At first I felt as though it was all my
fault. I led him on. I should have said no. And I enjoyed it. It was only
afterwards that I realised that he had drugged me. But I felt that if I
enjoyed it, then it couldn't have been rape. Right?" She closed her eyes
tightly, trying to hold back tears. "And then I felt…" she stopped, unable
to control the crying.
"Violated?"
Lindsay nodded.
"The bastard!" Helen spat. "Just wait until I see him. He'll never have
another date in his life by the time I finish with him."
"Helen…no."
"You don't want to prosecute?"
Lindsay shook her head sadly, "He'd win."
"That's no reason not to try! It will at least tarnish his reputation a
little."
"What? The Harvard honors student? They love him. It will be my reputation
that will be ruined."
"Rape victims in Massachusetts-"
"Don't give me that crap, Helen! You know as well as I do that a defense
attorney will blame the victim in all rape cases. I've seen it. And I did
lead him on."
Helen searched her brain for some way to arrest Chris; "We could get him on
drug charges."
"I thought of that."
"Well?"
Lindsay shook her head tiredly, suddenly exhausted by the process, "There
is nothing I can do."
"I'll think of something."
"I just keep thinking…why didn't I say no? Why did I…"
"Linds, this isn't your fault! You know that, right?"
"I don't think I'll ever trust a man again."
Helen's voice became comforting, "When you meet the right guy, you'll
forget all this."
Lindsay thought of Bobby. When they had first made love, he had made her
forget her inhibitions. But it was over between them now. She had to let go
of him. She shook her head sadly at Helen, "I don't think I'll ever meet…"
"Yes you will. Hey, you're beautiful, smart, you can make coffee, what else
could a man want?"
"Someone who's good in bed," Lindsay told her solemnly.
Helen put her arm around her friend, "You just need to meet the right man,"
she repeated.
Lindsay nodded, "You should go. I took you away from your work."
"It wasn't important."
"You're just saying that…go."
"Will you be okay?"
"I'll be fine…thanks."
"I'll call later, okay? And I'll bring Chinese or something over for
dinner."
"Okay."
"It wasn't your fault Linds."
Lindsay felt the tears come again, "I know."
Helen squeezed her friend's shoulder and left the apartment.

*       *       *

Bobby sat in his office and decided that it was time to swallow his pride.
He picked up the phone and dialled her number. The phone rang endlessly and
finally switched to the answering machine.
"Lindsay, it's Bobby. I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to me. I'm
sorry I yelled earlier, it has been a bad day. Look…I need to talk to you.
Can you come in? Please? I'll…uh…I'll be here.
Bye."

*       *       *

Lindsay strode into the office a couple of hours later. She hated sitting
at home with nothing to do and she knew that if she was working, she could
forget about this nightmare for a little while.
"You're back!" Rebecca commented happily.
"Yeah. Is Bobby in?"
"In his office…why?"
Without answering, she continued into his office and shut the door.
"What do you want?" she asked him boldly, ignoring the stress that was
evident on his face.
"I want to apologise."
"Is that all?" she snapped.
"What else do you want?" he asked edgily.
"I want more than an apology. I want you to change."
"That isn't going to happen…" His expression hardened, "Look, Lindsay…
I have had a bad day. An innocent woman has just been given life in  prison
because of me. An apology is all you're going to get. So just accept it and
go."
"Fine."
"Fine. And Jimmy won his case, so we're all going out to celebrate tonight.
I expect you to be there."
"I don't feel like celebrating."
"Neither do I," he admitted. "But we are all going to support him. No
arguments."
"Fine." She left his office and sat at her desk. Hadn't he even noticed the
pain she was in? Was he so unfeeling as to not even realise that something
was wrong?
"Hiller sentenced his client's lover to life." Rebecca offered, trying to
excuse Bobby's behaviour.
"So?" Lindsay asked.
"She was innocent. It was Bobby's client who did it."
"Oh."
"He tried to get Hiller to free the woman, but she wouldn't."
Lindsay let this sink in and focussed on the legal pad in front of her.
Rebecca was satisfied that she had at least glued back together some of the
rifts between Bobby and Lindsay and turned her attention
to the ringing phone.
"Yes Jimmy…we'll be there…you're there now?…give us half an hour…yes,
Bobby is insisting that we all come…okay. See you soon." She laughed to
herself and looked at Lindsay, "He's already celebrating! He wants us all
to get there asap."
"At least someone in this firm is happy." Lindsay grumbled.
"I'm happy." Ellenor announced as she swept through the door. "George
dropped the law suit."
"Really!?" Rebecca asked. "That's great."
"Yeah. He was really…nice…about it."
"Nice?"
"Mature. Gentleman-like. He wished me well in life."
"Well Jimmy won his case. So we're all going to McCalls to celebrate.
Coming?"
"Sure." Ellenor replied, grabbing her coat and briefcase.
"Bobby? Are you ready?" Rebecca called.
"Coming." He called
"Lindsay?"
"I'm ready."

*       *       *

Lindsay tried her hardest to feel some excitement for Jimmy's sake, but it
just wouldn't come. She had a glass of wine in front of her, but she
realised that she should have bought beer instead. The wine was simply
reminding her of Chris rather than helping her forget him. She sipped it
slowly, listening to Jimmy's joviality. She wasn't the only one finding it
hard to get into the mood. Bobby was sitting next to Lindsay and had hardly
said a word all evening. The others noticed the dark mood down their end of
the bar, and attempted to cajole them out of it, but it was no use.

Much to Bobby's relief, the mood affected the others and they began to make
excuses to leave. One by one they left the bar until it was just Lindsay
and Bobby left sitting, lost in thought. Bobby glanced at his watch and
cleared his throat, "I'll walk you to your car."
Lindsay looked up, startled to see that everybody had already gone, "Oh. No
I think I'll stay here a little longer." She had told Helen not to keep her
company that night, and as a result she couldn't bear to face her empty
apartment. She needed people around her for safety.
"I'm not leaving you here alone." He told her.
Lindsay smiled sadly, knowing that his protectiveness had come too late.
"I'll be fine," she assured him.
Bobby ordered another drink. He didn't feel like going home to an empty
apartment either, knowing that he would only end up feeling interminable
guilt for his actions in court. He saw Lindsay's almost empty glass of wine
and also ordered her another one. She looked startled at this, "I don't
want another one," she told him defensively.
"What?"
"I don't want any more."
"Well it's too late. If you don't want it, don't drink it," he snapped.
She took a deep breath, berating herself for reacting to a simple gesture,
and decided to conceal her fear with conversation. "Rebecca told me about
the sentencing. I'm sorry."
"Yeah," he shook his head with regret, "Me too." He took a gulp of beer and
sighed, "If I had known that she didn't do it, I wouldn't
have accused her. But I had to help my client."
"When did he tell you that he was guilty?"
"After the closing arguments. I then gave him a polygraph and he passed it.
He was guilty. And now she is going to spend the rest of her life in
prison. All because of me."
"It's not your fault, Bobby. You did what you had to do."
"Hiller told me that it was no wonder that you and Ellenor resorted to jury
tampering. She blames me for causing this mess."
"But she wasn't the one with a man's life in his hands."
"No," he admitted. "But the guilt is still on my side."
"It is not your fault! If your client won't admit his guilt and accept the
consequences of his actions, then he should be the one feeling guilty. Not
you."
"I know. But it still doesn't make me feel better."
She nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. "Sometimes you just have to give
things time."
He looked at her with speculation, "What was wrong with you today?"
She looked away, "Nothing."
"Something was wrong. What was it?"
"It was nothing, Bobby. It hasn't been a good week, and you're yelling
didn't make me feel much better."
"I am sorry."
She accepted his apology with a small smile, "I know."
He took another gulp of his drink and felt impulsive, "What happened
between us?"
Her eyebrows shot up with surprise, "What?"
"We were good together. Why did we stop?"
She searched her brain, "I don't remember," she told him honestly.
"Neither do I."
"We fought about something."
He laughed ruefully, "We're always fighting about something."
She smiled, "Well I never start the fights. It's always you."
"Me! It takes two to have a fight and you are just as argumentative as I
am."
"I am not!"
"You just proved my point."
She laughed, "Oops."
"We were good together," he commented.
"Yeah, except when we were fighting."
"There was that. But we were still good together."
She nodded, "Yeah."
"What if we…" he was unable to read her expression and was suddenly afraid
that she would reject him.
Lindsay wasn't sure what to think. Half of her felt afraid, the other half
was weak with happiness. She looked away, "But Bobby…"
"The same rules could apply. Just until we meet the right person."
She closed her eyes, remembering their steamy nights together but also
vividly remembering her night with Chris. "Maybe."
"Or just until you meet someone younger," he joked.
"Well you are getting a little old. We'll need to retire you to pasture
soon," she teased back.
He grabbed her around the shoulders, "I might have to make you apologise
for that."
Lindsay felt her body tense and tried to shrug off his grip, "Don't touch
me," she whispered.
He let go of her, surprised by her reaction, "Are you okay?"
She took a deep breath to hold back the panic that was lurking in her
veins, "Please. Just don't touch me."
Bobby realised all at once that something was terribly wrong. He had never
seen her look so frightened.
"Lindsay…"
Without a word she grabbed her belongings and fled from the bar.

*       *       *

Bobby finished his drink in silence and knew what he had to do. A feeling
of loneliness had been gripping him tightly since he and Lindsay had
stopped their recreation. He missed her sweet smell; he missed holding her,
kissing her. He missed her laugh, her teasing eyes.  He had woken in a hot
sweat just nights earlier after a particularly vivid dream of her. It was
time to admit that he needed her. That he loved her. But he also needed to
know what was wrong with her and he knew that she needed to talk about it.

He stood at the closed door and looked up to the stars for help. This was
it. He knocked on the door and when there was no answer, unlocked it with
his own key. The apartment was dark and Bobby made his way by feel to the
bedroom door, which was slightly ajar. There was a dull glow coming from
the room and he pushed the door open, not sure what he was interrupting.
Lindsay looked up as Bobby walked through the doorway. She was sitting on
her bed in her nightgown, hugging her knees. Her eyes were red from crying
and she was startled when she saw Bobby. She hurriedly wiped away the
tears.
"Hey," he whispered, leaning against the doorframe. She looked at him
searchingly, sniffing loudly, "Hey."
"Are you okay?"
She shook her head silently.
"What's wrong?"
She looked up at his concerned face; the tears still falling, "Everything."

"Do you want to talk about it?"
Her face crumpled, and she covered it with her hands, sobbing loudly, "I
thought that if I just made him a little frightened, it would make
everything better, but it didn't."
Bobby sat on the bed and put his arms around her, "What happened?"
"You were right."
"Well that's a change," he commented.
She laughed through the tears and he kissed the top of her head, glad that
he had made her smile.
"What was I right about?"
"Chris."
"Kelton?"
She nodded.
He thought back to their conversation, "Did he push you around?"
She dried her eyes on the sleeve of his shirt and replied angrily, "Turns
out, he's always pushed me around. I was just too blind to see it."
"What happened?" he repeated.
"I don't want to talk about it," she told him, her eyes betraying her true
feelings.
"Talk to me," he pleaded.
She looked him in the eye and then dropped her gaze, "I…I can't."
He saw her eyes well up again, and nodded, "Okay." He leaned over and
kissed her softly on the lips, the memories of their happy times washing
over him, surprising him with their strength.

She moaned softly as the electricity from the kiss spread through her body
and her eyes locked onto his. He took that as an indication that he could
go further and he leaned in again, this time the kiss lasting longer and
merging into another and then another. He pulled off his shirt and pulled
her to him, missing the startled look in Lindsay's eyes.
"Wait," she whispered.
He stopped, misinterpreting her hesitation, and brushed a strand of hair
out of her eyes. "It's okay, Linds. This isn't going to be for just one
night. I…I want us…I need you."
She took a deep breath to calm her panic and pushed him off her, "No, I
can't do this."
"This time, it will be different. I promise."  He reached out to pull her
closer and she shrieked, "Let go of me!" Her face was white with terror.
He hurriedly relaxed his grip and looked at her, perplexed, "What is going
on?"
She burst into tears. "Just let go of me," she sobbed, turning away from
him and rushing out of the room.
Standing up slowly, he followed her out of the room and spotted her on the
sofa. He sat in the armchair opposite and took a deep breath, "What's
wrong? Please…tell me."
She simply shook her head.
"What happened with Chris?"
"Nothing. I don't want to talk about it."
"Yes you do. You said that he has always pushed you around. What did he
do?"
"Nothing, Bobby! Nothing happened."
"Something happened, and I'm not moving until you tell me what it is."
"Well then, we'll just have to sit here," she shrugged.
"Fine," he replied, settling into the armchair, his attention focussed on
her face.

They sat in silence. Bobby continued to glance from Lindsay to the clock on
the wall. Lindsay appeared to be lost in thought as the clock's big hand
slowly made its journey around the face. After an hour, Bobby took a deep
breath, ready to begin prodding again. Lindsay gave him a look and he
closed his mouth, ready for another long wait.

A half hour later, Lindsay looked over at Bobby and wondered how long he
was prepared to sit and wait. She had tested him for well over an hour and
he still looked as determined as he had in the beginning. But boredom was
beginning to show. She looked back at her hands, knowing in her heart that
she had to tell him. He was the only one who could help her through her new
fear; the only one that she knew who would listen with undivided attention
until she felt better. He was someone who would join her side
unconditionally, someone who would be angry with Chris on her behalf. Sure,
Helen and Rebecca had been helpful, but she needed something else, someone
else. She finally opened her mouth to talk and Bobby looked over
expectantly. Seeing his expression she closed her mouth and relapsed into
thought. She still needed more time.

Bobby sighed to himself, and began his clock watching again. It was with
great surprise that he finally heard her voice. Actually, he heard the
sharp intake of air before he heard her voice, but he kept his gaze
directed away from her, hoping that he wouldn't scare her back into
silence.

"We dated all through college. At first I was so amazed that he liked
me…Helen was the one who used to get all the guys…not me. I always knew
that he liked to loosen me up before…before sex. He'd always top up my
glass of wine, so I never knew how much I was drinking. Or he'd get his
hands on some pot and bake a batch of cookies. He knew that I wouldn't
smoke a joint or anything, but I knew that he did it. I also knew that I
needed it…for the sex to be good…I…I've had some bad experiences and…" she
shook her head as if to free herself of the memories. "So I guess I always
knew…but there is a difference between thinking and knowing. And there is a
difference between an extra glass of wine and…and this." She spat out the
last word with hate.

There was a moment of silence and Bobby guessed the ending, but he knew
that she needed to say it. "What did he do?" he asked gently.

She felt the tears coming again, and wiped them away angrily, "He put
something…I thought it was the wine that was making me…but it was this
drug." She covered her face with her hands, hating that he was seeing her
vulnerable side. With her face still covered, she said in a low voice, "He
raped me."
On the outside, Bobby appeared to take the news calmly. But on the inside
he was furious. How dare someone do that to this beautiful woman! How dare
he take advantage of her like that! The fury was visible in his eyes, and
Lindsay looked into them now for comfort. She continued more confidently,
now. "I thought that if I went to the police, it would make it all better.
But I couldn't. And he was so smug. He knew that I had no power…I felt so
powerless. I just wanted some of that power back. So I shot him."
Bobby's eyes widened in shock, "You WHAT!?"
Lindsay smiled the first real smile of the night, enjoying the memory, "Not
with a bullet. I had a blank in the gun. I told him to choose which leg to
keep." She swallowed a laugh, "For the record, he likes his left leg more
than his right." The smile faded. "…But when I got home…it didn't do
anything. I still felt …feel…powerless."
He took this in and crossed the room to sit beside her, "It will probably
just take time."
She sighed and shook her head, "I don't think this feeling will ever go
away."
"You just need to be with someone who respects you," he told her, the words
catching in his throat. Someone who loves you, he added silently.
Lindsay leaned against him and closed her eyes, "I'm tired."
He put his arms around her gently, "Maybe I should go," he suggested.
"No!" she buried her face into his chest, "Please…stay. I…I don't want to
be alone."
"Okay."
He held her in his arms until he felt her body relax as she fell asleep. He
watched her, listening to her even breathing, watching her eyelids flicker
as she dreamt. He hoped that they were good dreams. Finally he stood and
carried her to her bedroom. She woke as he laid her in the bed.
"Don't go." She told him sleepily.
"I'll be right here."
She nodded and allowed sleep to come again. She felt him get into the bed
and instinctively she reached out to him. He wrapped his arms around her.
She was safe again.

She woke early, still enclosed in his embrace. She moved stiffly and
propped herself up on an elbow, watching him sleep. He had felt her move
from his arms and awoke soon after. He immediately saw her staring at him
and squinted at her, "Good morning."
"Morning."
"How are you feeling?"
She thought for a minute, "I'm fine…well…I'm better than I was yesterday."
"Good."
She looked him in the eye, "Thank you…for staying. I needed…"
"No problem," he interrupted.
She got out of bed and made her way to the kitchen, "Coffee?" she called
out to him.
"Do you have mocha?" he called back.
She walked back into the bedroom to face him, "Mocha? Since when?"
"I like mocha. I've been having a mochaccino every morning."
"I'm not making you a mochaccino. If you complain, you'll be getting
instant."
He raised his hands in defeat, "Okay. Normal coffee is fine."
She nodded her approval, "Good."
He grinned and followed her back into the kitchen, "You can take the day
off, if you like."
"I can't, Bobby. I can't allow myself to let him win. And if I have to take
time off to get over this, then he is winning. Plus, I need to keep my mind
occupied."
"The poor clients. I should warn them."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. I was kidding.

They waited in silence for the coffee machine to make their morning dose of
caffeine. With steaming cups in hand, they sat opposite each other at the
table. Neither of them were sure of how they stood romantically. The night
before had been a welcome change from the usual loneliness, but was it the
beginning of something new? Or was it a one night only special?

"We need-" Lindsay began at the same time as Bobby said, "What are we-
"
They laughed and Bobby gestured for her to talk.
"We need to talk about this, Bobby."
He nodded his agreement, "That's exactly what I was going to say."
"I think…we should. Like you said…just until we meet new people. But
slowly. I need it to go slowly."
"But we do fight a lot," he reminded her.
"And we'll have to keep it a secret," she added,
"And I like mochaccinos," he finished seriously.
"Well, that might prove to be the biggest problem," she decided just as
seriously. "Do you think you can change back to normal?"
He scrunched his brow as though in heavy thought, "I can try."
She laughed, "Good."
"Just until we meet new people," he repeated, hoping that she would never
meet someone else.

With this resolved, they went about getting ready for work. Bobby left
early so that he could get clean clothes from his own apartment. She
allowed him to tentatively kiss her goodbye and as they pulled apart, she
knew that it would be alright. Everything would work out. She knew it in
her heart.

*       *       *

It was a week later that they were sitting together at his apartment. The
week had flown by. He had spent many nights with her, but Lindsay was
keeping to her promise that things would have to go slow. He had had many a
cold shower after waking up with her in his arms. She just laughed, loving
that he was respecting her wishes.
"Do you know what I've realised?" she asked, stroking his arm
absentmindedly.
"That I'm always right?" he smirked.
She burst into laughter, "Not even close."
He pretended to look hurt, "What have you realised?"
"You know my maggot case?"
He searched his memory for the case. The woman was suing her doctor for
sewing maggots into her leg without consulting her, "I remember."
"I deposed the doctor today. He said this great 
quote
, 'without struggle,
there is no progress.' The context was different. He was talking about
progress in medicine. He was saying that my client should accept the fact
that he put maggots into her and thank him for saving her leg. But it rang
true for me."
"Why?"
"When I joined this firm, I could have worked in any firm in Boston. But
because I came here, I think I have improved as a person."
"You have changed," he agreed. "For the better," he added as an
afterthought, but he said it with a teasing grin on his face.
"Thanks…I think…Anyway. I realised that it's about time that I forgot my
fears and took some risks."
"You can't succeed if you're always afraid. Raymond Oz used to tell me
that."
"Raymond Oz?" she asked incredulously.
"I used to clerk for him. He's…well…he was my mentor. Kind of like what
Anderson Pearson was to you."
"Wow. He's the best. The way he persuades and manipulates juries. I'd love
to meet him one day."
"I haven't seen him for a while." Bobby commented. "Anyway, was there a
point to this conversation?"
"Be patient."
"Lindsay, you don't fully realise just how patient I have been this week.
It has been pure agony."
She laughed nervously, "Well that was my point."
"What I have to struggle through this week, in order to succeed with you?"
He said it jokingly, but realised belatedly that that was exactly what she
meant.
"Not just that. But I have to let go of my fears. So I'm going to start
letting them go…tonight."
"Tonight?"
"Tonight."
"Now?"
She nodded.
"Now?" he repeated, just to be sure.
"Now."
Bobby looked at her, perplexed, unsure where to start.
"You look like a child in a toy store," she laughed.
"I feel like a child in a toy store."  But instead of taking advantage of
the situation, he simply kissed her.
"That's all?" she asked, surprised. "I'm disappointed in you, Bobby."
"I just want to take things slow," he told her.
She felt her knees go weak and whispered, "Thanks."
He nodded and kissed her again and again. She lay back on the sofa pulling
him to her, but he shook his head, "Not here."
She wrapped her arms around his neck and he carried her to his bedroom. As
promised he took it slow, aiming to make her relax. With his treatment, her
expression slowly changed from frightened to inexpressibly happy. She
closed her eyes in pleasure and enjoyed his touch. This was the way it was
meant to be. All her fears were gone.

*********************************

The End