Hokuto:

Ohhhh ho ho ho ho ho!!!

Subaru:

Ho-Hokuto-chan...

Hokuto:

So, you say that the woman who was eventually coming out of that guy's bed every night was just a regular chick?

Subaru:

Ho-Hokuto-chan, that big voice of yours is going to wake up the whole neighborhood...

Hokuto:

Oh, whatever! Stop being so silly!
So, not only did he play her, but her took her to his apartment and had his wild, wicked way with her, and then, when he tried to break it off, she killed herself?
God, even the crappy women's weekly mags wouldn't swallow something as classic as that one.
But I wonder why she only appeared in his bed?

Subaru:

I really don't know, but
The only thing that that woman, Akie, remembered was the bed in that room.

Hokuto:

Bwahahahahahahaha!!!

Subaru:

Waugh!

Hokuto:

So, basically, what you're saying is that the only thing that doof showed the women he took home was the top of his bed!
Men suck.
The only reason men exist on this planet is to be played by women! And moreover, it's, like, 300 lightyears too soon for men to play women!

Subaru:

Umm, Hokuto, this is someone else's house...
And, um, when you're this excited...

Hokuto:

These celebrities live off the money the average joe makes through blood and sweat, and what do they do?
They run around picking up girls! Just use 'em and abuse 'em!
The only thing a love-'em-and-leave-'em loser like that should be used for is cleaning up Chernobyl!
Subaru!

Subaru:

Ye-yeah?

Hokuto:

You shouldn't have helped such an ass.

Subaru:

But...

Hokuto:

Whaddaya mean, 'but'?!
Are you a guy like that, too?

Subaru:

Well, I'm a guy, but....

Hokuto:

Zip it!

Seishirou:

Subaru-kun did the exorcism for the woman's sake

Subaru:

Seishirou-san!

Hokuto:

What? You defending men, too?!

Seishirou:

I'm always on women's side.

Hokuto:

So what's the deal here?

Seishirou:

Hokuto-chan, you probably know how bitter it has to be to be dead, and yet
Still tied to this world because of a grudge.
Subaru-kun didn't want that girl to suffer any more over an idiot like that.

Hokuto:

Hoo...
Sei-chan, if it's about Subaru, then you totally know the score.

Seishirou:

That's because my devotion to him gets stronger day by day.

Subaru:

? ?

Hokuto:

Seishirou and Subaru, sittin' in a tree...

Subaru:

Waaaugh!!!!
Wha-what are you saying?!!? Hokuto-chan!

Seishirou:

The tea's getting cold.

Hokuto:

Like, what's there to hide, here? Sei-chan totally fell in love with you at first sight.
Sumaregi Subaru, the thirteenth head of the Sumeragi family, who have been spiritually protecting Japan. Of the few onmyouji that are left, the ones who stand at the top are you and
The heir to the Sakurazukamori who, while being the same kind of onmyouji, have never risen to the surface, always instead propping up Japanese history from the shadows.
If the Sumeragi family is the front, then the Sakurazuka are the reverse.
And a love between the head and the heir...
How wonderful!
How romantic!
How melodramatic!
How hard-boiled!

Seishirou:

Your tea's gotten cold, Hokuto-chan.

Hokuto:

But when the leads
Are a big idiot and a wuss, then there's just not enough oommph.

Seishirou:

And for today's tea-time snack, anpans from Kimuraya.

Hokuto:

Hey, Subaru!
Don't you know you're supposed to be the lead in this story? Get with the program!
You, too, Sei-chan!
Do you think it's OK for a member of the Sakurazuka Assassin Clan to be happily eating an anpan here?
Those happy eyes!
That happy, smile!
That happy anpan!
Dude, where's the angsty brooding?

Seishirou:

No matter what you say, I'm just a veteranarian.
And no matter what your occupation, you can't change your personality.

Hokuto:

Subaru!

Subaru:

Ye-yeah?

Hokuto:

What up with you?
You look good enough, but what's up with all the modesty here?
Keep it up, and all you'll be is someone who buries himself in his work, hiding away from the world!
Don't you feel sorry for the peacock in the story The Peacock King? What about Katou in The Tale of Teito?

Subaru:

I...I'm just an ordinary onmyouji, so......

Hokuto:

Just being an onmyouji makes you extraordnary, you moron!

Subaru:

Aah! I should have already left!

Seishirou:

Work?

Subaru:

Yes, I have another job.

Seishirou:

Since it's late,
I'll take you.

Subaru:

Oh, no, really, it's OK.

Hokuto:

Take the free ride!

Seishirou:

Let's go. Really.

Hokuto:

Whoo-hoo! Yesssss!
And Sei-chan, if you can't be the molestor, keep him from being a molestee!

Seishirou:

I've got it! Why don't we all go? It'll be fun, like a picnic.

Subaru:

Umm....this job isn't really a reason to go out and have fun...

Hokuto:

Hold up! I am so not going to be a third wheel!

Seishirou:

Oh, what are you saying, Hokuto-chan? Aren't you going to be my sister-in-law one day? Shouldn't we strengthen the family ties now?

Subaru:

What are you saying?! What?!

Seishirou:

La-dee-da, I'll go get the car keys!

Old Woman:

So, you're Sumeragi Subaru.
My husband is away....

Subaru:

Um...yes...
About your daughter, whom we spoke about earlier....?

Old Woman:

This way.
She was at work when she suddenly became violent...
Yes...it's just not like her.
My daughter's an ordinary girl....
Mm? Yes, now she's working at a job she got through my husband's connections.....
She's not eating anything...she's throwing things around her room...
Why this is happening?
My husband knew someone who had gotten help from the Sumeragi family in the past.
We're clutching at straws.
Um...well, excuse me if this is rude, but...how old are you?

Subaru:

I really do look young and inexperienced, don't I?
She's young.
Waugh!
Well, that had absolutely no effect.
This...this isn't a spirit.
This....
It's an entity! And...and it came from an incredible number of people.
But what on earth is it from?
Om
Om anpokya....beiro shanau...
The coating on an OL's manicure is really strong!
Makabodara mani handomajinbara haraparitayaun
Om anpokya beiro shanau makabodara mani handomajinbara haraparitayaun

Woman:

Gya!?
Geh...gya...?!

Subaru:

Om

Woman:

Eyaaaaaaaaaah!!!

Subaru:

Eh?!!? Her clothes?!

Woman:

Aaaaaaah!
Haa...haa...GYAAAH!

Subaru:

The entity is in her clothes?

Woman:

Ug

Subaru:

There's a lot of rage in those clothes
If they aren't quickly taken off...
Uh...taken off...taken...
Waaaaugh!!! Whadda I do?!!

Woman:

Nngh...

Hokuto:

Welcome back!

Subaru:

Thanks. Sorry I kept you all waiting.

Hokuto:

Whaaaaaaat?!
A Chanel suit that was possed by an entity?!!?

Subaru:

It wasn't so much an entity as it was rage.

Hokuto:

Why's that?

Subaru:

When I asked her, after she'd gotten back to her right mind, she said that a huge fight broke out over who got to buy the suit at the Isetan Summer Sale.
The hatred of the people who lost the fight and of the people who had seen the suit displayed in the window and wanted it converged in the suit.

Hokuto:

Noooooo, that's not it.
It's that a woman's devotion to a bargain is horrifying.

Seishirou:

Now and forever, it's people who are the scariest thing of all.
It used to be tsukamo spirits that possessed tools and objects, but now, with the strength of human grudges, they just can't get in any more.

Subaru:

Eh?

Hokuto:

Got it in one! Demons and monsters are, like, totally nothing in the face of human selfishness! The destruction of the environment, the nuclear power problems, and the upheavals in Eastern Europe aren't even blips on the radar screen for the daughters of Japan!
Ecology-chic comes out of their mouths, but
They're just giving lip service to it all, talking the talk but not walking the walk, spraying out CFCs like there's no tomorrow with all their hairpray
And mouthing off about the water shortage while they wash their hair every morning.
OoooOOOOOOooooh! Those girls are so cute!!

Subaru:

Hokuto-chan, I think you ought to stop using CFCs, too.

Hokuto:

Ahh, but stupid people are still shallow, Subaru!
And you have no clue what your big sister is talking about, do you?
O-ho ho ho ho ho ho!!
Look, they're gonna put this stuff out in the stores, and if I don't buy it, someone else will. And if someone else is gonna be using CFCs, then it might as well be me, making myself pretty, right?

Subaru:

Th-that way of thinking is a little dangerous...

Seishirou:

I hear that there are nuclear power plants in Eastern Europe that are as dilapidted as Chernobyl.

Hokuto:

Kyahahahaha! I wonder how long those puppies'll last--the resources and the plants!

Seishirou:

But, you know, I love Tokyo.

Subaru:

Why's that?

Seishirou:

Because it's the only city in the world
That enjoys walking down the path to destruction.

Subaru:

Seishirou-san...

Seishirou:

That's why,
You and I need to hurry up and get married!
The world's going to hell in an handbasket, so...!

Seishirou:

I'm a little differnt from you, Seishirou-san, but
I love Tokyo, too.