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TISM'S NEW MUSIC NEWS, NEW NU-SKOOL MUSIC NEWS, NEW NU-MUSIC MUSIC NEWS, "WHAT MAISIE NU", BY HENRY JAMES
KYLIE OUTRAGE
Kylie Minogue is reportedly outraged at suggestions that she is not an independent artist who exercises total control of her own output. "I do what I want," her publicist is rumoured to have told her to say, "and any suggestion I aren't vital to the creative process doesn't know how hard it is to find someone else to write, mix, play on, promote, sell and produce your art." A subsequent clarification was issued to the press, rebutting rumours that even that statement had been written for her. "I resent the suggestion I didn't work hard to choose the font for that press release," it said.
RADIOHEAD NEW ALBUM RUMOUR
Thom Yorke, lead singer of Radiohead, persistently refuses to confirm or deny rumours the band's new album was made in collaboration with cult London producer Bhob the Buildere. Industry sources claim Radiohead were impressed when Bhob stormed into the band's mix-down sessions. "You boys wanna change the form of modern music?" Bhob is said to have shouted. "I'd do it with a lump of four by two." He proceeded to take to the mixing desk with a wooden stake. Sources say Bhob's use of nail gun on the opening track, Whining Adolescent Rot, will be as radical a departure in Radiohead's career as Dylan going electric, The Clash turning their back on punk, and Bjork saying something intelligible. London critics who've heard early mixes of Radiohead's new album are labeling it "chilling", "compelling" and "suitable for ages 2-5".
NU-METAL SUPER TOUR CANCEL THREAT
In a shock to Australia's Nu-Metal fans, the super-tour featering four of America's hottest, baddest, most aggressive Nu-Metal bands, Clean Exit Wound, Fresh-Flesh, Under Water Holocaust and Wear Protective Goggles At All Times, was nearly cancelled. Squabbles over who appeared top of the bill is believed to have caused much friction amongst the separate bands. In a compromise, the names of all four bands is to be equally used in all publicity, although each band name has had to be shortened in consequence. Tickets for the Clean Fresh Under Wear tour are on sale now.
DJ GRAMMAR SCOOPS DANCE MUSIC AWARDS
DJ Grammar has again cleaned up at the prestigious Electronic Music Awards for his Double Negative Mix of the Sonia Dada song Lover. DJ Grammar is justly famous for his own self-created sub-genre of remixing songs to correct poor grammar and sloppy sentence construction. "When I heard the line 'Lover, you don't treat me no good no more' I knew I wanted to work with the song." said Grammar. "After all, if you don't treat someone 'no good', as is being claimed, you are treating them well. Thus, the clause in the sentence that reads 'Lover, you don't treat me no good' in fact would mean the lover is being treated well. However, there is further confusion arising from the last part of the sentence, in which it is indicated this good treatment is happening 'no more'. It seems, then, the lover's previous good treatment has stopped. I felt I could clear this up." DJ Grammar's own mix, entitled Lover, Your Previous Good Treatment of Me Has Stopped, was not only a hit in London's superclubs, but was a cross-over success in the worlds of trance, deep house, nu-skool, bog-roll, drum'n'bass, fish'n'chips, hip-hop and flip-flop.
DJ Grammar has big plans. "You know that line in the Doors' LA Woman? It goes 'if they say I never loved you/you know they are a liar'. Well, let me tell you, pronoun-adjective incongruence is one of my specialties."
In other Electronic Music Award new, "Best Club Song" was won by the Richmond Football Club.
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