What was she thinking though? Nickolas was a cop and she ain�t interested in cops. She never was and never will be. Let Dannika have Nickolas if she wanted him, she didn�t care. Or did she? No way, she thought, I ain�t going down that road. Just because he was cute didn�t make her interested. She was far from interested. But why was she so worried when he was shot at? She didn�t understand. She left out a disgusted sigh, as her phone rang. She looked at the number and ignored it. She wanted to be left alone and not bothered.
�Are you going to answer that?� She looked and saw Justin standing there.
�No.�
�Why not?�
�Because I want to be alone.�
�It�s after twelve and Kevin�s worried.� She shrugged, as Justin climbed in the truck and laid beside her. �Do you want to talk about it?�
�There�s nothing to talk about besides me hating all men.�
�We�re not that bad.�
�I was supposed to meet someone here at sunset and he never showed nor called.�
�I�m sorry.�
�I was shot at and almost raped and murdered today and he couldn�t even show up tonight. I thought he was going to be different, but of course he ain�t. He�s just like the rest.�
�You�ll meet Mr. Right after a million different wrongs.�
�You sound so confident.� She rolled her eyes.
�I am.� She looked at him. �What�s his name?�
�Why?�
�I�ll go rough him up.�
�I can do that on my own.�
�I keep forgetting.� They laid in silence a few minutes and looked up at the night sky. �I miss you, JJ.�
�I miss you too, but it ain�t going to change anything.�
�I know.� He sighed. �If I never hurt you, would you still have stayed with me when I joined the squad?�
�I don�t know; we never got that far.�
�I�m sorry we didn�t.�
�So am I, but it was eight months ago. No need to think about the past.�
�I�m still sorry though.�
�I know. It was just hard to forgive you when you decided to go ahead and marry Fake Tits after what we shared those 3 � years.�
�Terri.�
�Whatever.�
�I almost married her, but on our wedding day I realized how much I loved you and still do.�
�But it wasn�t soon enough.�
�No it wasn�t.� Cujo climbed between them and Jenai laid on her side to pet him. �We can still be friends though.� He looked at her.
�Just friends?� They looked at each other. �You know how much I want you.� He rolled onto his side and rested his head in his hand. �For the past eight months I�ve never wanted anything the way I want you.�
�But you didn�t want me when you had me.�
�Yes I did.�
�But you never left me know until it was too late.�
�And I�m sorry.�
�Maybe if you weren�t a cop now it�d be easier to take you back.�
�So you do want me back, huh?� She shrugged.
�I don�t want to get into this right now.� She looked at Cujo. �It�s the past and we shouldn�t worry about it.�
�But why deny our feelings for each other?�
�I ain�t denying shit. You always try to put words into my mouth and I hate it.� She went to get up, but Justin stopped her.
�I�m sorry.� She just looked at him. �But I know deep inside you still love me despite what happened.�
�And you�re a cop now.�
�What does it matter if I�m a cop or not? You still love me and that�s all that matters.� She went to speak, but Justin kissed her before she could.
�Justin�� She tried to break the kiss, but at the same time she wanted it. �Stop.� She pushed him away and got out of the truck. �I don�t love you like that anymore.� But a part of her did. �I�m sorry.� Justin looked at her. �I wish it were that simple, but it ain�t.� She walked away and he got out of the truck.
�You don�t want to have anything to do with me, but you�ll keep sleeping with a guy you�ll never love the way you love me.�
�Don�t you dare bring Jakob into this; you have no idea what we have been through. Even if you did you�d never understand.�
�Try me.� Jenai shook her head and walked away. �Come on, JJ, I want to know what I�ll never understand.� She picked up Cujo and closed the tailgate of her truck. She walked to the driver�s side of the truck and opened the door. Justin joined her, as she put Cujo in. �JJ, talk to me.�
Without looking at him, she said, �Nine years ago my sister was murdered, as Jakob and I watched helplessly with a knife to my throat and a gun to Jakob�s head.� Justin didn�t say anything. �Every morning after that, for the past nine years, I wake up praying that I will die so I don�t have to live with what I saw. Nobody knows my secret death wish. Even this afternoon a part of me wanted to be killed, but it didn�t happen. Ya know why?� She looked at him, as tears went down her face.
�Why?�
�Because I stopped him.� She pointed to the bandage on her neck. �For a split second there I thought I had something to live for.�
�Which you do.�
�No I don�t and I realize that now.�
�Jenai, if God wanted you with him today or nine years ago, he would�ve taken ya, but he didn�t.�
�And everyday I wonder why.�
�Because he has big plans for you.� She looked at him. �You�re going to fall in love and have a beautiful family and get all ya want.�
�I just want Brianna back.� More tears went down her face and Justin hugged her. �That�s all I wanted the past nine years. I just want my sister back.�
�You still have your brothers.�
�But I want my sister.�
�And you�ll be with her again when God thinks it�s time.�
�But it won�t be soon enough.�
�You�ll feel better in the morning, cause you just had a rough day.�
�Will you take me home?�
�I guess; I can come back for my car later.�
�Thank you.�
�Anytime.� He kissed her forehead and she held onto him.
CHAPTER 7
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