"The Continued Lessons"
I’m baaaaaaaack!! Aren’t you happy?! Don’t worry if you’re not. This chapter isn’t nearly as funny as the last one. It’s just
kinda stupid. Thanks for reading this! Have a nice day!! BTW, does anybody want a kitten- muse? =^_^=
1 Lesson:
1.1 On Escaping Bonds
With Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took
Merry: To escape bonds, you must first wriggle as much as hobbit-ly possible in order to loosen the cords. Then get your
smaller friend to squeeze out from under them, and come around to untie you. Of course, make sure he actually does untie
you. *shot of Merry still tied to the tree from chapter 1* Peregrin!!! If I ever get free, you're in deep trouble!!!
Pippin: *far away* Ah, but you won’t, now will you?
Aragorn: You know, the simplest solution to your problem, my dear Hobbit, is not to do anything to get yourself tied up in the
first place. *evil smirk*
2 Lesson:
2.1 Continued Practice of Archery
With Legolas Greenleaf
Legolas: Good afternoon. As you will remember from last time, I shot my short assistant Gimli. Today, not finding a suitable
replacement for him (or one so enjoyable to impale), we will be aiming at those wild pigs over there.
Boar: *grunt*
Legolas: Well, at least it sounds like the Dwarf… Knock your arrow, take careful aim…
*whack!!*
Boar: x_x
Legolas: Now wasn’t that fun? ^___________^
Frodo: You just killed that poor, defenseless animal!
Legolas: Think of it this way—we don’t have to eat Sam’s cooking tonight.
Frodo: Hmm… good point.
Sam: I heard that!!
3 Lesson:
3.1 On Proper Swordsmanship
With Aragorn, Son of Arathon, Heir to the Throne of Gondor
Aragorn: Hello, and welcome to the continuation of yesterday’s class. Today, seeing as how there will be no further
interruptions *deathglare at Merry and Pippin*, we’ll get started. First, unsheathe your sword.
Sam: Aragorn, is my cooking that bad?
Aragorn: *eye twitch* Not now, Sam… Then stand in a comfortable pose, with your legs about shoulder width apart.
Then bring--
Sam: Aragorn, you didn’t answer my question…
Aragorn: --the sword out to a horizontal position in front of you--
Sam: Aragorn!!!
*~*~*
Merry: That wasn’t wise, Sam…
Sam: So, um, what are the chances of Pippin letting us go?
Merry: Not good.
Pippin: *far away* Oooh, since Merry and Sam aren’t here, can I have their share of supper?
Legolas: *also far away* I don’t see why not.
Merry: Not good at all.
4 Lesson:
4.1 On Rings of Power
With Gandalf the Grey
Gandalf: These "rings of power" can be very dangerous if not used correctly, or if they fall into the wrong hands. The Ruling
Ring, however, is the most dangerous, and has to be watched and protected at all times. Belonging to Bilbo Baggins for sixty
years or so, it was discovered recently that Sauron the Abhorred…
Frodo: *in background* Sure, Boromir, you can see the Ring for a minute! Just don’t try to conquer Middle Earth or anything!
Boromir: *evil glint in his eye* Why, thank you, Frodo…
Gandalf: *four hours later* …and that’s why the One Ring must be heavily guarded at all times. *turns around and sees total
chaos behind him*
Boromir: Bwahahaha!!
The Rest of the Fellowship: Aaaaaiiiiiii!!!!
Gandalf: Oh dear…
*~*~*
D45: Well, I’m outta ideas, so this is it for the time being. Any suggestions will be much appreciated. But first, what did you
learn today, Merry?
Merry: Never trust your hungry cousin.
D45: Ah. Legolas?
Legolas: Boar tastes like the best food you’ve ever had after a week of eating Sam’s…stuff…
D45: Mmhmm... Gandalf, what oh-so-important lesson did you learn?
Gandalf: Don’t trust Frodo with the Ring. He tries to give it to everyone.
D45: Aragorn, are you in a speaking mood right now, or are you still too angry?
Aragorn: Oh no, I’ll talk. I don’t think you know proper swordsmanship. I think that's why you won’t let me finish my
presentation. It’s you who’s sending the Hobbits in to stop me!
D45: Yeesh, calm down! I do too know proper swordsmanship!
Aragorn: Prove it.
D45: Umm… Well… Uh… Sam! What did you learn today?
Sam: Don’t mess with Aragorn. Don’t trust Pippin. That’s all.
D45: Thanks. Frodo?
Frodo: Don’t give the Ring to Boromir. It’s not the wisest thing to do.
D45: And last but certainly not least—Boromir!
Boromir: Bwahahaha!!!
D45: Never mind. Please review, please give ideas! Thanks for actually reading my pathetic fic!
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