A Trucker's Wish List.

New Office Rules!
         Since the office people at this transport company dont seems to undestand what a trucker does or goes thru in a day or even a week.We must make some drastic changes in our operations and in your jobs.So all office personnel can relate to the life of a truck driver, the following directive is issued. Effective immediately, every employee is required to remain in the office 24 hours a day starting Sunday afternoons at 5. Each employee will remain in the office and will not go home until after 3 am Saturday morning.
 
                 There will be a $10 per night parking fee for your vehicles in our lot or you may park six towns away. Occasions may arise when employees will not be allowed to go home for the weekend. In these cases, we will attempt to make arrangements that the employee to be home the following weekend. Each employee must bring all clothing and personal necessities that they require on Sunday. The company will provide storage space approximately 2’x2’x5’ for the employee to store their personal items. The employee should be aware, however, that this space is subject to inspection by company or government personnel. Employees will be given a 72"x36" mattress to sleep on. Employees must provide their own bedding, The sleeping environment will be very noisy and there will likely be several interruptions of sleep during each attempt.Of course,if you recieve any satelite during that time you must answer it immediately.If it's only a message to inform you about stolen equipement from other companies you may  ignore it and try to go back to sleep.

                 All personal phone calls will be billed at a rate of 32 cents per minute with a 50 cent per call surcharge all in US funds of course. Public restroom, bathing facilities and towels will be provided and a fee will be charged for these services. Employees must bring their own food or eat at a fast-food restaurant,We will remove all appliance like fridge, microwave,toasters etc. from the offices.Also we will stop buying coffee for the office.You may bring your own cooler to keep your food cool.Shower, washing clothes, sleeping, using restrooms etc only if the workload permits. In no case will the employee be allowed to eat, sleep or bath at home. During your non-working hours, the employee will be allowed to participate in any activity they choose while still being held responsible for assigned equipment, however, in no circumstances will the employee be allowed to participate in any activities in which their children and/or spouse participate in.

                 Furthermore, each employee will be required to maintain a record of how they spend each minute of their day. These records will be submitted daily to the company and audited by company and or government personnel. The amount of time each employee is given to complete their work will be strictly regulated, and regularly the employee will be given more work then they can complete in the allotted time. You must adjust your records to show that you completed the tasks in the time allotment. Any violations of these regulations will result in a heavy fine, reprimand or termination.

                 Employees will be subject to random drug and alcohol testing and of course none of these substances will be allowed while the employee is in the office. You may also be required to wait several hours to begin work, for no apparent reason. During these periods, you must remain in your work space; you may not use the phone nor the restrooms; nor may you sleep or expect paid compensation for same.Ok Ok once in a while we will throw at you a few $25 for your waiting time.But dont abuse this generous gift or we will stop this nonsence.

             You will only be allowed to move when we say, where we say, how we say, at what speed we say, by what route we say, in the desk chair that we say and must contact us at the particular hour we say regardless of your need for rest, accomplishing you job task, or anything else you can possibly think of!

                This being the ultimate form of worshipping us properly there will be no tolerance in this area! Since management's opinion is so low of you and suspect you may be stealing the whole office or totally incompetent, should you fail in performing this ritual, all electricity to the office will be shut off immediately in order to demonstrate how much power we have regardless if it means keeping you from performing the job task that you hired out to perform!

                 Standing up (physically) is not allowed while being paid! Standing up verbally is not allowed anytime! If you have anything to say, even tho we tell you that our door is always open,you must make an apointement before we allow you to come to us so we can hear any of your complaints. We appreciate constructive critisism and suggestions and if we feel that your comments are negative toward us you will be construed as a bad attitude and you will immediately and forever be labeled as a complainer and crybaby! Neither logic, problems (also known as excuses or lies) or personal needs should not be considered as vital information in company communications.

                 Finally, you are expected to maintain a positive attitude and be cheerful, respectful and deferential in your dealings with management, other employees, customers and the general public. Do not expect to be treated, listened to or compensated similarly.

                 But please dont worry,as you are office personel we will never ask you to deal with traffic,insolent shippers or receivers,deliveries in New-york city or any of those awfull big cities or to deal with the snow or even tornadoes. You wont have too deal with any zealous troopers(ok maybe you will deal with at least one;-) that could cost you lots of US money for just about anything he can find.You will never unload any trailer by hand or tarp a load in 100+ degrees or blowing snow or freezing rain.You wont ever have to wait in line for hours to take a shower in a Flying J or even in a dirty truckstop of any kind.And you will never have to deal with over weight fines or even pissed DOT personel.
              Thank god,We have drivers to do that kind of work.
                                                Have a GREAT day!

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