You think I don't see you, but I do. I feel every glance, notice every stare, watch you quickly drop your eyes so I don't suspect. You'll never know, but deep inside, I enjoy it. That's why I watch you too. When you're laughing with your friends, when your writing furiously in your notebook, when you peel off your shirt in the locker room. You look so sexy in a wifebeater. I want you, I know I do. And I know you want me too. I hope you understand why we cannot be together though. I'm just so scared...
Why do you torment me? The subtle shift of your eyes in my direction. Am I imagining things, or are you really looking at me? Oh god. You are. You're watching me, watching you. You're probably thinking 'What a freak'. I am a freak, I've known that since day one. You've probably seen me before too. You know! You'll probably send your brother or your boyfriend to kick my ass. You think I'm digusting. I just love you dammit! Why can't you just love me...
You're freaking. You're so afraid of me. Why? I would never hurt you. I wish you wouldn't be that way, because when you are I just want to go to you and hold you and kiss you. I've heard you're a good kisser. I talked to your ex-girlfriends; they told me, and they told me how shy you are and how sweet when you relax. I want you to relax around me. Don't be afraid, please... I love you!
Breathe. Just breathe. I'm overreacting again. You're gone now though, passed by me and walked down your street. I'll sit here still, for a few minutes and brood over you. Pathetic. I want to kiss you, I want to... Argh! I want to fuck you so bad! I'm such an ass, I shouldn't be here. How can I possibly think there's a chance for us? I know better. Still, I know I'll be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and all next week. I'm here because of you.
There you are, walking like the goddamn queen of the world. Staring straight ahead, with those icy eyes, giving no one the time of day. You're not that fucking great. All you are is a conformist snob. All you've got is a flock of animals, sheep-like in the way they blindly follow you and parrot-like in the way they imitate you. You've got an army of hormonal numbskulled males wrapped around your flawless little finger, and you use them to steady your pedestal. Disgusting.
Everyday, I'm on the verge of tears from the way you and everyone else looks at me. Only the concrete walls of my image hold it inside. You... everyone else ignores me most of the time; but you I see everyday, on the corner, waiting for your ride. And everyday you give me the same contemptuous stare. It hurts so badly. You're lucky. You're not contantly being scrutanized. You think that being undeniably sexy is a gift, but it's not. It just means you're always being watched. Judged.
You keep looking over here. That "You-Mean-Nothing" gaze. If you don't care what people think of you, then why do you act the way everyone wants you to? Stop looking at me, I won't be the one to validate you, to accept you, to make you feel justified in your actions and attitude. I won't love you when you loathe me, like everyone else does. I don't want your favor, and I won't strive for it. Dammit, you bitch! Quit looking at me! Why? I'm nobody! You don't need my opinions, my kindness, anything! Turn away!
Please! Don't hate me. When you hate me, become just like me... The me on the outside anyways. You think I don't know who you are? I do. You're the one who speaks her mind, the one who isn't afraid to hide who she is, the one who is supposed to be above judging others. But you're not above judging me. You hate me for all the same shallow and superficial reasons that I'm supposed to hate you. Damn, why can't I just bring myself to smile at you? I should. Then you'll see. I will.
Ice melting into warm pools of blue. Lips curling with recognition. What the fuck are you doing? Faking me? No, why would you do that? No... It's genuine! Quick, respond! I'm such an ass. There. I've returned it. And now you've gone, passed me. What just happened here? Does it mean anything? I'd like to think so. Maybe... Just maybe I was wrong. Maybe, in time, I can be the one to coax the real you out. I'd like to find out who you really are. Hmm. We shall see.
Where are you? I've been waiting on this corner forever. You told me to meet you here. I don't know why. I thought you barely knew my name. We've only spoken twice in class. I guess I'm here because you're hot. That's probably it. Who wouldn't turn down a meeting with someone as beautiful as you? I'm a lucky guy I suppose. So, when are you gonna show up anyways?
Oh god, there you are. The finest thing on two legs. You actually came to see me. And now here I am, hiding from you like a loser. What was I thinking? " Meet me on the corner after school" I said. What if you don't like me? What if you think I'm a geek? Silly little freshman with a crush on you. Oh god. I can't go out to you. You're going to laugh at me. Oh god, oh god, oh god.
There you are. You're moving so slowly. What's up? You scared of me? You shouldn't be, I like you! You're awfully cute though, trying to look like you aren't nervous. I smile at you, and beckon. Score! You smile back, shyly. Come on, come here. I'm curious as to why you wanted to see me.
You're calling me over. Oh god. You shouldn't have done that. Now I think I have enough courage to go through with this like I planned. And there you are. Standing there silently, waiting for me to speak, to make the first move. I will. Just give me time to breathe. I must look like a fool, having told you to meet me here and then having nothing to say. But I'll do it, I'll show you the reason I wanted you here...
She just darted up and kissed me. No words, no warning, just lips, soft and sweet, on mine. You open your mouth, and I start kissing back. Tongues dancing, the music of teeth on teeth, etc. You're really good at this. Have you spent as much time thinking about it as I have? I slip my hands down your sides, bringing them to rest on your hips. You move closer to me, and we continue the hot exploration of each other's mouths. Finally, needing air, we pull apart. Then I take your hand in mine, and offer to walk you home.