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 Welcome to Tim's musings - an assortment of nonsense that has occurred to me at one time or another  


SONGS FOR SWINGING LEMURS A little observed yet consistent and long running strand in popular music, apes and monkeys figure in a huge number of lyrics and, as here, song titles. No matter how hard he tries, man cannot escape the looming influence of his direct ancestors, or as creationists would have it, his simultaneously created servants over whom he hath dominion. There have been many profound theories posited as to why lyric writers should turn so frequently to the simian animal for inspiration. Some say it�s because monkey is a great rhyme for words such as �spunky�, �flunkey� and �hunky�. Others claim that most pop musicians are essentially apelike in their demeanour (cf. Ian Brown, Liam Gallagher) and hence cannot prevent themselves reverting to type. More likely than either of these is that once you�ve tired of writing songs about your girlfriend and every woman who�s ever rejected you, one naturally turns to other species. I know I have. A word or two about the muses that have perched on the shoulders of some tortured geniuses, or those with a contractual obligation album to finish:
Massively strong and capable of grinding a human being to a fine pulp without looking up from a particularly interesting parasite. Sense of humour somewhat underdeveloped as rarely responds to jibes about toasted cheese snacks, preferring to stare haughtily into the middle distance feigning incomprehension. The fabled glass jaw is an utter myth; it�s actually made from Perspex. Has been seen using tools, thus proving the evolutionary link to man. Not that expert with a Black and Decker belt sander though. Favourite instrument: saxophone.
Incredibly strong and easily capable of breaking a man�s arm but will pretend that it was an accident. Often mistaken for being cheerful and friendly when in fact the wide smile is merely boasting about their regular flossing habits. Chimpanzees are extremely social, and tend to stay out later than is really good for them. Favourite instrument: ukulele banjo.
The wisest of the apes. We know this because they were the ones entrusted with the books in the Planet of the Apes films. Tendency to roam around solo since other orangs always point unkindly and shout �Oi ginge!�. Packs a mean right hook. Favourite instrument: comb and paper.
The sign at London Zoo says �please do not sing to the gibbons, it upsets them�. And with good reason � the Goodies� epic �Do The Funky Gibbon� has been a thorn in their side for several decades, falsely implying that they have any interest in da funk when jazz improvisation is really their thing. Favourite instrument: mellotron.
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