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I lay in the silence of the darkness and hear the echoes of the night Laying next to you I hear you breathe in the shadows of moonlight. I want you to embrace me but I can't stand your touch As I feel your body close to me the pain is just too much. The aching of my body and the bruises on my skin How can you sleep just knowing the torment that I'm in? This pain you have inflicted I cannot understand How can you say you love me with the palm of your hand? For better or worse our vows of love till death do us part Were broken on our honeymoon like a knife in my heart. As you're sleeping soundly my eyes filled with tears Is this what I have to look forward to for the next fifty years? Silently I get out of our bed and tiptoe to the door I then slip into the shower and fall silently to the floor. Crying as I try to wash the filth from my skin The memories stay to haunt me of this terror I live in. Curled up on the shower's floor crying my silent tears I try to wash my bruises and escape my fears. I wonder why you hurt me and say that it is love Why take away my happiness and all that I dreamed of? Like a child to be punished you say it's discipline "For I must obey my husband and show respect to him." You say that I'm deceitful and that I have affairs I'm sleeping with the neighbour I have lovers everywhere! The pain of your accusations cut me like a knife How could you think I'd do that even though I'm your wife? So you hit me to remind me not to fool around The sanctity of our marriage is just emptiness I've found. As I wipe away the tears I can still feel the pain What is this need to punish me over and over again? You promised to protect me but I can only wonder why The same hand that embraces me is the same that makes me cry. As I crawl out of the shower I had hoped to clear my head But all I felt was hopelessness as I returned to bed. I lay there in the shadows listening to you breathe Wondering if I'll ever have the strength and the courage to leave. © Christina 4th July, 1995 "Like
'Volatile Love", this was another
of the poems I had written about my former marriage....and fearing that
my ex-husband had thrown them away as I had not seen either of them in
the years since.
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