| Nightmares
It
has been two weeks since I left
the
torment of his hand
The
abuse and accusations
I
could no longer stand....
So
I packed my things and left again
for
the final time
Our
married life has ended
I'm
not coming back this time.
And
then last week a tragedy
rocked
Australia
When
a gunman went on a rampage
in
Tasmania....
Killing
35 innocent people
at
the Historic site
Port
Arthur will never be the same
the
horror left behind.
I
didn't even stop to think
of
it's effect on me
The
two things were not related
so
what was there to see?
Only
when the night came round
and
I went to sleep it seems
The
horror of those incidents
came
to haunt me in my dreams.
My
husband that I had left
had
a rifle in his hands
Stalking
me outside my house
like
a possessed man....
Though
sleeping I am soon awake
as
the shots ring out
He
is firing at my parents
and
everywhere about.
Screaming
I fell to the ground
and
crawled along the floor
My
parents were still in their bed
no
life in them no more....
My
heart is slowly breaking
as
he had come to see
That
my life was always with him
even
if he killed me!
Stop
it, I scream to him
there's
no need to go on
There
is no more life in here
my
security is gone....
But
he continued firing
I
could no longer pretend
That
he now means to kill me
my
life is about to end!
Then
as the bullet hits me
and
I'm sprawled on the ground
I
fall into a deep blackness
and
emptiness I found....
Is
this the end, am I dead?
as
lonely tears I weep
As
I'm shaken to reality
I
am woken from my sleep.
I
tiptoe to my parent's room
and
see them in their bed
Sleeping
soundly in the hours
and
I realise they're not dead....
The
life he tried to take from me
I
cannot understand
He
professes his undying love
with
his fisted hand.
A
short-lived marriage that we had
we're
no longer joined as one
There
were too many violent incidents
and
damage he has done....
The
horror of my life with him
I
cannot ever compare
Though
I loved him he still hurt me
and
now haunts me in nightmares.
©
Christina Putland
2nd
May, 1996
"On
17th April 1996 I left my ex-husband after tormenting abuse and a short-lived
marriage of volatile love. Eleven days later on 28th April
1996, Martin Bryant killed 35 people at the now infamous Port Arthur massacre.
After many threats to kill me if I ever left him and this horrific incident,
so close together, I had many nightmares where my ex-husband took the role
of the gunman and stalked me outside my house....killing my family and
myself. Over the top? Abuse survivors of this kind of
torment will understand the nightmares endured....the power of the mind
and control he has over you even after you have left.
The abuse haunted me this way for some time. And told here is exactly
how I saw it and felt it. Just reading it brings back those feelings
and fears again....even though my nightmare has ended."
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