Into the dark abyss
of emptiness I go
Falling deeper inside myself ~
the greatest shame I know.

Hopelessness engulfs me
in ways I cannot express
Say goodbye to joy and laughter
and hello to emptiness.

Shame has joined me in despair
reminds me "who's to blame"?
Me, for letting it happen to me
or him for all this pain.

I can't bear the painful thoughts
his touch, his breath, his kiss
With no one to hear my cries for help
I slip into my abyss.

It's there I can escape from him
and the memories that remain
Of the touch, the look, the feel of him
and his gift to me of shame.

But though I run, I cannot hide
the pain is everywhere
I just want to forget all I feel
and sink deeper into despair.

Oh please I beg, make me forget
the memories and the pain
The betrayal of trust and loss of me
into the abyss of shame.

©  Christina
7th April, 1992
 

"It is obvious that this poem is quite depressing....I had contemplated whether to add it to these pages, but decided to as it depicts the emptiness and lonely feeling that one cannot describe.   The dark and bottomless abyss that one falls into with despair and emptiness.   I cannot begin to describe what it felt like....I can only share my dark thoughts in poetry of this very difficult time....and hope that no one else experiences that abyss."