These are some of my favourite quotes. Hope you like them too.

• Funny Quotes
• Marriage Quotes
• Inspiration and Reality
• Love and Relationships
• Nice Short Phrases

• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
• If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
• The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
• I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
• Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?" - Watson to Sherlock Holmes
• A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D. or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
• Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by u again?
• Microsoft and McDonald's are alike. They don't make the best, but they make the most. That is reason enough to avoid them both.
• "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts" - Bertrand Russell
• Why do you people in the sciences always ask for so much funding for your labs? The math department only asks for paper, pencil and trash cans. And the philosophy department doesn't even ask for trash cans.
• When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading
• "A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip." - Caskie Stinnett
• Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glass is half empty. Re-engineering Consultant: That glass is twice as large as it needs to be.
• "When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throwaway the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer." - Corrie Ten Boom
• "I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own." - Les Dawson.
• "A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth." - Patrick Murray.
• "Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa?" - Bart Simpson
• "Operator! Give me the number for 911!" - Homer Simpson
• "If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?" - Steven Wright.
• If they can send one man to the moon why can't they send them all?
• "If your left leg was easter, and your right leg was christmas, would i be able to meet you inbetween the holidays?" - Josh Longden
• "I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted" - George Best
• "A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain." - Robert Frost
• If email had been around before the telephone was invented, people would have said, "Hey, forget email! With this new telephone invention I can actually talk to people!"
• "I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once." - Jennifer Unlimited

• Every man should get married some time after all, happiness is not the only thing in life
• "An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her" - Agatha Christie
• "Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others." - Oscar Wilde
• "Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper" - Scottish Proverb
• "Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier" - H. L. Mencken
• "I don't worry about terrorism. I have been married for many years" - Prof. G. L. Peris
• A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free
• "Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too" - H. L. Mencken
• Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
• By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher -Socrates

Inspiration and Reality

• "God gives every bird his worm, but he does not throw it into the nest" - Swedish proverb
• "Do not wait for ideal circumstances, nor for the best opportunities; they will never come" - Janet Erskine Stuart
• "You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance" - Ray Bradbury
• The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.
• When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
• Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more, friend or money!
• Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
• When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
• Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
• Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
• We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
• Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
• Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because to them, you are crunchy and taste better with ketchup.
• Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
• Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing.
• "Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward" - Vernon Law
• Someone once asked me "why do you always insist on taking the hard road?" and I replied "why do you assume I see two roads"?
• To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
• "They cannot take away our self respect if we do not give it to them" - Mahatma Gandhi
• "Don't cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won't let you see the stars" - Violeta Parra
• The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
• For everything you have missed, you have gained something else.
• When one door of happiness closes, another opens but often we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
• Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person too.
• When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling, live your life so that when you die, you're smiling and everyone around you is crying.
• Anger is only one letter short of danger
• If someone betrays you once, it's his fault; if he betrays you twice, it's your fault.
• Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up.
• "Don't take life too serious. You'll never escape it alive anyway" - Elbert Hubbard
• If you think that no one cares about you, try not paying the bills.
• Anything too stupid to be said... is sung
• "The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once." - Albert Einstein
• "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." - Albert Einstein
• "Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted." - Albert Einstein
• "I like to think that the moon is there even if I am not looking at it" - Albert Einstein
• "As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality." - Albert Einstein
• "The most important things in life can't be measured" - Deming
• Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, this time more wisely.
• When the only tool that you have is the hammer, every problem will look like a nail.
• Sometimes, majority only means that the fools are on the same side.
• Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." - Soren Kierkegaard
• "Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them." - Leo Tolstoy
• "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato
• "All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." - Galileo Galilei
• "A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic." - Joseph Stalin
• "Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use." - Wendell Johnson
• "Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish." - Euripides
• "Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment." - Barry LePatner
• "A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure." - Segal's Law
  

Love and Relationships

• There is no part of the body that, when broken, hurts as badly as the heart.
• You never lose by loving...You always lose by holding back...
• Love is like quicksand - the deeper you fall in, the harder it is to get out.
• I always knew I'd look back at the tears and laugh, but I never thought I'd look back at the laughs and cry.
• If we don't attempt to get over our doubts and fears, we'll never discover how wonderful it is to live without them.
• "When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes. When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours that's relativity." - Albert Einstein
• No man is worth my tears, but the one who is would'nt make me cry.
• Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
• Sometimes love hurts, but if it dosent' hurt then it isn't love. So hold onto the person you love before they slip away.
• "For one human being to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of our task: the ultimate, the last test of proof, the work for which all other work is jst preperation."-Rainer Maria Rike
• "Love is like a flower, you've got to let it grow." - John Lennon
• Love is blind but frienship closes it's eyes.
• I was born when I kissed you, and I died when you left me, but I lived for the two months you loved me.
• "My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates.
• "Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship--never" - Charles Caleb Colton
• "Immature love says, 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says, 'I need you because I love you.'" - Erich Fromm
• ' The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.' - Henry Ward Beecher
• "Life without love is like a tree without blossom and fruit.' - Kahlil Gibran
• "You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.' - Sam Keen
• " Love has its own time, its own season, and its own reasons from coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you." - Kent Nerburn
• The most difficult thing that you can do is to watch the person you love love someone else.
• "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." - Albert Einstein
• "Love is like the truth, sometimes it prevails, sometimes it hurts." - Victor M. Garcia Jr.

• Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile,
  And finds in your presence that life is worthwhile,
  So when you are lonely remember it's true:
  Somebody somewhere is thinking of you!

• You can fall from the sky,
  you can fall from a tree,
  but the best way to fall,
  is in love with me!!!

• A million words would not bring you back
  I know because I've tried.
  Neither would a million tears,
  I know because I've cried

• I'm loved by some, Hated by many
  Envied by most, yet wanted by many!

• God made the wind blow
  God made the sun shine
  But how the hell
  Did he make you so fine!

• If you're nice you can call me sweety,
  If you're sweet you can call me honey,
  If you're hot you can call me tonight!