To forget how to breathe,
To smile sincerely
Although it's been a year
I'm still paying dearly
For my moment of truth,
For my numerous lies,
For letting someone in on
The world behind my eyes

But dwell I should not
On my losses and pain
No, I should be looking
At all I have gained;
A second chance at love
Another good friend...
Twenty pounds of fat
And depression with no end.

No, I should not be bitter
But deep down I just can't hide
But I can't let him know anymore
I must learn to internalize
All my fear, my doubt,
My hate, my damaged self-esteem
I can't sleep so well anymore
I'm afraid to know my dreams

I cannot burden him anymore
With my broken, bleeding heart
I've let him see it too many times
And it's tearing us apart
It's unfair of me to think he
Can handle seeing all the decay
Caused by another boy he knew
I fear he will not stay

And why should he when I
Am about as fun as a wounded cat
I don't know why he's still around
But I won't get used to that
Because when you take people for granted
Is when they always decide to depart
So I must keep him at a distance
So he cannot break my heart

Listen to me will you?
I cannot go on like this
I've forgotten what it's like to love
To feel unaprehensive bliss
To trust in people completely
To expect nothing, good or bad
To know things will get better
And there are better times to be had

I'm slowly killing myself
And in a way I'm already dead
Which is worse, just don't live
Or put a gun up to your head?
But the choice has been made already
I know not how to return
To the days of childlike innocence
For which I so often yearn

When I was a child I dreamed
Of being in Junior High
Though I am dissapointed
I no longer know how to cry
Because somewhere I have learned
That crying shows you are weak
So no matter how upset I get
Never again will my eyes leak

When did I decide it mattered
What others thought they knew?
I laugh now at the irony,
Oh if they only knew the truth
That I am a liar, a fake,
And the weakest of them all
But I project an image of confidence
Walking through the halls

I didn't know it was possible
To forget how to live.