SO SORRY CREW IN COURT


Report by TheHumourStopsHere

Two twenty-fifths of the well-known, better-detested chart group So Solid Crew have been arrested and taken to court regarding an incident in Soho in November of last year.

Both members of the London group were arrested for possessing loaded handguns according to official reports, although both added an extra imaginative crime, described by leading psychologists as a means to find their individuality within the large gang. Kaish was called to account for possessing and supplying Class A drugs, whereas the G-man was given two ammunition charges. It was questioned by the press whether this was a wise move, until someone pointed out that this meant he was arrested for having extra bullets, and not that the police provided him with detonation devices.

The high-profile hearing was held at Bow Street Crown Magistrates Court in London, where the group are based. During the hearing, Kaish hugged himself and kept looking at the floor, and G-Man, who had his hair in two pony tails, kept shaking his head. There was thankfully no injury to others incurred. A swarm of indignant fans amassed outside the doors, calling out support to the two men as they exited after 50 minutes. All ten teenagers were restrained by security and several biros, CDs and pieces of underwear were confiscated in the melee.

It is rumoured that their arrest was primarily a means of learning whether they had real names. The G-man can now be reliably said to be Jason Phillips, whereas Kaish is revealed as Shane Neil from Battersea. Although the rapper and his co-star were jailed awaiting trial following the initial hearing, Neil�s main concern is the reaction of his grandmother to the turn of events. He expressed worry that she would not know why he did not return home that evening.

The dilemma the band now find themselves in is said to be attributed by all 25 to be the fault of the haters. Why? Oh, no, they don't know.

All 8% of So Solid are to appear at Southwark Crown Court towards the end of March. Related charges include Crimes against Music, Offensive and Antisocial Behaviour and overuse of the letter �Z�. Applications for bail have so far been unsuccessful.

- March 2003

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