This event never fails to generate large numbers of nobodies appearing on televisions, radios and websites everywhere to speculate profoundly on the nation�s youth�s intelligence, and this year was no exception.
The statistics all indicate that A Level results across the country are on a steady advance towards the high end of the alphabet. A-grades are up by 1%, as are B-grades, and C-grades are up by 0.3% this year, whilst U-grades are down by 1.1%, and U-boats are down the bottom of the North Atlantic Sea.
This is obviously a clear indication that exams are becoming more and more easy, according to a number of has-been drips under pressure*. The poor grades attained are similarly an indication that we continue to raise genuinely retarded teenagers.
There has been considerable backlash from NUTs to these claims, from teacher union members who claim that the reason for the higher grade averages lies in the fact that they have actually begun to teach the students things they will find useful for their exams.
The critics have responded to this in the form of a short press statement this morning. A transcript follows:
In other news,Sales of alcoholic beverages are reported to gave inexplicably increased threefold in the last three weeks.
- August 2003