Findings have shown that Ken has been discovered in the middle of a vast conspiracy to destabilise Britain through undermining its economy and social order, before seizing control as supreme Socialist dictator of the UK.
These reportedly extremist plans involve a number of simultaneous schemes directed toward bringing London to standstill. Once the capital is immobilised, we can expect to be speaking Russian within two weeks.
The infamous Congestion Charge, or îáÿçàííîñòü çàòîðà as it is known amongst officials, is the first step towards Livingstone’s rise to power, but will be complimented by widespread Bus Diversion, designed to confuse commuters and delay important business.
This in turn is engineered to drive thousands of workers towards the London Underground tube system, at which point they will be further antagonised by a series of setbacks and detours. This is known in the Labour Party as Operation Ïîäçåìíûé.
Publicity reasons for the delays, limited service and general chaos of travel in the Capital have been given as Signal Failure, Ice On The Lines, Closure Of Entire Lines Due To A Hard-To-Mend Accident, The Fire Strike, Ice On The Platform, and Rail Repairs. Members of the public should be aware of these conniving plots and steer clear of the entire transport network for the forthcoming 9 months.
- Feb 2003