The army, who have demanded a 40% pay increase on the basis that their job has become rather more technical since 1945, will begin strike action next Thursday unless a compromise pay deal can be agreed in the meantime. It is understood that they will spend their time standing around little bonfires, rubbing their hands together and waving at passing vehicles that honk their horns at them.
Crack Fire Service Personnel, highly trained in playing darts, brewing tea and sliding down poles, are understood to be on standby to take up front line operations. Using their �red goddess� vehicles instead of tanks, they will race towards Iraqi lines and attempt to annoy the enemy into surrendering by making a lot of noise and spraying them with water.
PM Tony Blair has already stated that the Fire Service strike of last year proved that a vastly undermanned service with no training and unsuitable equipment are able to perform the duties of a well-trained, well-equipped and well-mannered professional force equally as efficiently and without loss of life.
When it was pointed out that the bright red dire engines may prove an easy target for enemy fire, Mr Blair is quoted as saying, �Never mind, we�ve got too many firemen as it is. Er, is that a camera running?�
Asked for his comment, Britain�s partner in the coalition in the war against Iraq, US President George W Bush said, �Oooh, can I have a go on the siren?�
-Jan 2003