One day on the planet Sreearse, the sun rose. That was the last rational event to happen on the planet for two reasons, because a:The other sun happened to cease to exist at that moment, and b:The planet became a llama, which became a penguin, which became a very surprised whale, which disappeared in another puff of irrationality.
Meanwhile, in another universe, Bob was trying very hard not to scream.He had just hung up, and was extremely irritated that in trying to call somebody, he had gotten three busy signals, two answering machines, a recorded message telling him the number had been disconnected, a message telling him to try dialing 0 or 9 before the number, and, directly afterwards, a message telling him that it was not necessary to dial 0 or 9 before the number. He had then contacted th operator, who refused to talk to him because he was a llama. Bob did not know how she'd figured this out, though he had a suspicion it was his lack of knowledge about the english language.
He turned around, and was very surprised to see nothing there. This was because five minutes ago, There had been a large traveling zoo. He was even more surprised when a spaceship appeared out of nowhere. He blinked, and it disappeared. He then turned into a penguin. He was slightly surprised when cheesecake appeared and took him into the sunset, where he singed a few feathers before the sun disappeared.
He was beginning to think something very strange was going on, but he couldn't put his wing on it.
The cheesecake stopped, and carried Bob(who was once again a llama) to a small island which had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. The island hen turned into the gigantimorphic Mount Magramal, which was painted an ugly shade of pink. The cheesecake disappeared with a sound which sounded like a person who has stepped into the shower, only to realize there were no towels. A very large book fell on Bob's left flipper, and he realized that he had turned into a dolphin for no apparent reason. He started floundering, because a dolphin is least happy when sitting atop a sharp, pointy, mountain, which has been painted an ugly shade of Pink. He begAn to Wonder why he was randomly capitaLizing letters. He soon Realized there was nO reason, and he would jUst have to live with iT. After a while, he got tired of being a dolphin, and promptly disappeared.
Bob began to wonder where he was. He also wondered about chapter 4, but as of now that is unimportant to life, the universe, and everything in general.
He looked around, and was once again surprised to see nothing there. This was because when you are standing, you expect to be standing on something, and Bob was not. This was such a shock to him that he went mad and started believing that he was a bird. This worked very well, since birds arent usually standing on anything either. He spread his hooves, which he believed to be wings, and soared into the sky. He immediately fell to the nonexistent ground with a sickening BOING!! He was very surprised when he realized that the nothingness he was standing on was a huge invisible trampoline.
As he bounced into the nothingness above, he realized that the trampoline wasnt invisible, merely very big. He wondered who would have a trampoline this big, though he thought it might have something to do with this god person he kept hearing about(most llamas are not religious). Immediately, a giand radish fell on his head. It hurt. A lot. After a moment, he decided to say OW. He said it. Everything went back to normal. Bob gradually realized that it was not normal, and so far from normal that he would haveto be insane to think it was normal. He then realized that he was already insane, and went mad. Some would call that a double negative, to which the author responds"Who says insanity is negative? And why would a llama bother with sanity? These questions and more answered on..."[Authors note:This is beginning to sound like a commercial for a cheesy TV show, so we will now return to your regularly scheduled plotline.]
A nonexistent anvil came into existence over bobs head, and obeyed the law of gravity. It hurt(again). Luckily, a nonexistent doctor bandaged Bobs head with nonexistent bandages, and gave him a nonexistent lollipop. Several nonexistent mosquitoes buzzed around Bobs head, and bit him. He, too, became nonexistent. He then realized that the possibility of getting home was nonexistent, and it, too, appeared. He went home. When he got there, he immediately remembered the reason for that whole little journey. It was the phone company. He went and destroyed that, but all he achieved was cutting off phone service to the entire northern hemisphere. In doing this, he saved half the world from certain irritation, for evil people had created a new batch of prerecorded messages, and were about to unleash them on the world. However, the messages only played ate their main office, and irritated the heck out of everybody. There was a simple solution to this, and it was to turn the office into a maximum security prison. The prisoners deserved it anyway. However, the jailers heard the messages too, and went mad, thus releasing the prisoners and replacing hem with monkeys. The monkeys, inexplicably, enjoyed the recordings, and the prison was turned into a zoo. This made everybody happy.
Bob the llama, however, knew none of this. He was more worried about the mysteries of chapter 4. He suddenly flew off to chapter four, to be replaced by a strange alien. An innocent bystander wouldnt know it(and most of them didn't, and screamed their brains out)but he was the last remaining survivor from the destroyed planet Sreearse. And he was confused.
The alien(whose name was a variety of greek symbols, a meaningless coincidence(the alien shall thus be called Iaphce))decided that he didn't likethis planet. He noticed a lot of screaming natives, but he assumed this was their way of greeting him. He had no idea it was because of his above average number of arms, and his avoidance of solid ground. He made their heads explode, a standard greeting on Sreearse. He was shocked when their heads didn't grow back, it was considered very rude. He tried to phone home, but this failed for wo reasons:The planet Sreearse had turned into a llama, and the llama had desroyed the phone company. He knew none of this, and so he disappeared, never to be seen again(until chapter 4). This was fortunate, because just then, and alien ffrom the Council for Universal Phone Service found out abut the situation on Earth, and promptly destroyed it. (If this sounds like a tragedy, keep in mind, we're going to kill ourselves anyway[global warming]). This made a lot of people very unhappy, and so they all took a vacation to Chapter four, which was suddenly very crowded. So all the humans were shipped off to Chapter seven, and this seemed to work. And there was peace, until the whole chapter exploded, killing everybody in Chapter seven. Everyone, that is, except for one. A genius of some sort landed on a trampoline in Chapter four, and survived. He stayed for "tax reasons". Why this was said is a mystery, because there are no taxes in Chapter four, nor any money, nor a word for 'tax' in their language, which they invented spotaneously. However, far into the future it will be proven that what they actually meant was "Go eat four chewy nougats". Nobody knows why they said it, though there is a rumor that it is inversely proportional to the rate of admissions at memorial hospital in Houston. Nobody knows what this means either, thus allowing them to spend billions of galactic monies trying to find exactly what it means. Because of this spending, and the subsequent lunch breaks, the entire galaxy went into a depression, except for the restaurant owners, who were immensely rich. To flaunt this, they threw exorbitant amounts of money into a black hole, until they were informed that they were not nearly as rich as they thought. However, this mass destruction of money revalued all other money, and the galaxy was pulled out of depression, though it was never quite the same. The only moral of this story is to never tell people your views on chewy nougats. Bob, Iaphce, and the genius were unaware of this, and so a depression was wasted. They spoke of chewy nougats a great deal. Meanwhile, in the far reaches of the galaxy, on the REAL planet earth, somebody was very confused. His name was Tasrw, and he was wondering why these things were happening to him.