Stupid news stories
These are some of the stupidest, weirdest, most obviously messed up news stories I have ever seen. These are all true.Clarifications are in (parentheses), and my comments are in [these] brackets.
- The dangers of exploding water(when microwaved). [Funny, I thought that only happened to eggs.]
- Falling merchandise(at places where they stack refrigerators twenty feet in the air)[What kind of idiot stands under a refrigerator?!]
- A moose having *cough* inappropriate *cough* relations with a car.[Err... no comment.]
- Some schools have banned:
- Dodgeball:Too violent
- Gymnastics:People could get hurt
- Picking teams for sports:"Well, if little Jimmy isn't picked, his feelings might be hurt."
Curiously enough, games where people do get hurt are okay, especially when we don't get safety gear. Just yesterday, somebody was hit in the face with a baseball bat. They went to the nurses office, dripping blood the whole way. Thirty seconds later, we started playing again.
[Wow, this proves my theory that 63% of the world is comprised of idiots.]
Okay, so it's a mind bogglingly short list now, but give it a month or so. News comes quickly, and utterly, utterly uselessly.
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Hey hey! I found a repository of old dave barry columns in miami, and they will be quoted here whether you like it or not.
...to be honest, many of us who work at newspapers don't hold the opinions that our newspapers express in the editorials. Some of us don't even know where these opinions come from. They just mysteriously appear, like Batman. -Dave Barry
...this oil was then gradually covered with a layer of sand, which in turn was gradually covered by a layer of people who hate each other, and thus the Middle East was formed. -Dave Barry
...Are we finally going to get serious about energy conservation?
Of course not! We have the brains of mealworms! -Dave Barry
...Of course this system would probably result in a severe shortage of congresspersons. But there might also be some drawbacks. -Dave Barry
