“WITHOUT MEANING”

picture the future
the fingers of love
the toes so tiny
microscope painted

each vein a miracle
each heart beat
a new life
your nail varnish removed
exposed
your body so pure

arms so tiny
my fingers can circle your wrist
but it is just a shell
when bodies meet
when two become one

then one must be left outside
or absorbed or
two pretending to be one
each lost inside a fantasy world

it’s a beautiful thing
two bodies as one
fingers clenching in love
meaning something
chasing a feeling

that’s never come
never enough
clutching at dreams
chasing hopes

some deep communication
a recognition of interests
fear of loneliness
this could be love
and someone without
someone isn’t anyone
at all and
making love without
love is nothing

it’s a beautiful thing
but it doesn’t mean a thing
just two strangers sharing loneliness
meaningless beautiful thing

this isn’t me
just my body
this isn’t my life
but a crucified effigy

your bitten nails
in my palms
the love we break
the chance I took

immaturity ruined me.

bad sex and night buses
can’t help me escape from you
I run to the world
but I can’t forget

your arms
try as I might
I can’t forget
your eyes.

I’ve made bigger mistakes than you
and you made a mistake in me
I can try to wear a bulletproof vest
but you always get in somehow
find my weak spots
and penetrate there.

She said
I don’t think you’ve ever been love
when I’d leap in front of a bullet for the one I love
the scars on my bulletproof heart
give no more in trust

I’ve been torn apart
and self-esteem replaced with lust to
totter up, reinforce, my self-belief,
I want to give you the world, and you know I do.

But you’ve been there and
done me,
and that’s no good for you.

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© copyright Mark Reed, 1991-2002 except where indicated