The Domestic Terrorist - Don't Believe The Type

DON'T BELIEVE THE TYPE

It’s about time I saw some honest Army adverts. No longer grainy uv-footage of people staring out into the middle distance in the back of a van carrying a gun. No more bullshit of pretty teenagers who are completely normal : except they kill people for a living.

Show me life in the army honestly, and I might even want the job. Show me sadistic drill teachers, stupid dogmatic power-crazed authority, and boredom. Show me soldiers choking on the ashes of our enemies. Show me one of the good guys dropping napalm on screaming children. Show me barrels of oil and corpses being eaten by hungry dogs in arid desert. Show me the true face of our brave soldiers.

Then I might believe the hype.

There’s no coincidence that, in the buildup to the Bush-Blair Jihad, Army Adverts seem to have stepped up a notch on television. The grinder needs meat. And there’s more than a few soldiers for whom Iraq will be the last stamp on their passport.

This country needs soldiers. Far better volunteers than a press-ganged, conscripted bunch of apathetic losers. Volunteers have the taste for blood. Oh yeah, and a trade they can use in the civilian world : that is, if they can integrate back into society and go undercover like the hired killers they are, subject of course, to them getting back alive in any form. Waiting for the magic phrase “A Rhino Never Defects” to turn up in conversation, the secret codeword implanted in their brain that will re-activate their homicidal tendancies and give them embarrassing flashbacks. They awake climbing their office building with a dagger between their teeth, moaning about “the mission John, always the mission….”

Of course, that stuff is never on TV adverts for soldiers. Just cool footage of infra-red, nightvision soldiers running around like Action Men and girls in uniforms. Trust me. Without these adverts and a fresh influx of young blood, our armies will soon consist of underage boys conscripted from schools and old men as George and Tony’s Holy War wipes out a generation out of that most stupid of human emotions : pride.

Are you ready soldiers? You’ve brought us new blood to keep the oil wells flowing. Be proud. Be stupid. Be an obedient slave. Die when you have to. We need oil!