Bill Hicks - You Can't Get Bitter

BILL HICKS - YOU CAN'T GET BITTER

“She said she loved me but when she left she took the TV, the bed, and the VCR. Guess when we were at home and she said, I love you, I love you, I love you. I must have been standing in front of the TV, the bed, or the VCR. So like an idiot, I believed her. I love you, you big 19 incher...Thanks honey. It’s what she can’t have. Now the Toshiba’s gone. What am I going to do? Get bitter?......

You can‘t get bitter man. Just because someone tells you they love you, and then they leave. You gotta think there‘s a reason. You‘ve gotta find a bright side. You‘ve gotta move on after they leave.... You know what? I’m glad she left. It helped my career. Because I’m driven now. I’m driven by a fantasy.

A fantasy that one day this girl who I loved more than anything in the world - and she said she loved me - then left, that one day she’s going to be living somewhere, in a trailer park, living with this ex-welder, 600 pounds, fur all over his back, drinks beer, farts, belches, beats the kids, watches the Dukes Of Hazzard every night -and has to have it explained to him.

She‘s going to have nine little kids with rickets, bring home dead animals from the side of the road for them to eat at night, dirt in their hair, birds in their face, and rats laying eggs in their ears every night.

One night that welders going to be making love to her, he‘s going to be on top, suddenly his hearts going to explode and she‘s going to be trapped under 600 pounds of flaccid, fish belly cellulite, shifting like the tides of the oceans, as blood, phlegm and bile pour out of his mouth and nose, into her face, and just before she drowns in that tepid puddle of afterbirth,she‘s going to turn to The Tonight Show on TV:

And I‘m going to be on it.” - Bill Hicks

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