PARANOIA IS ALSO A DRUG : COMPULSORY DRUGS TESTING

Tony Blair’s latest wheeze is Compulsory Drugs Testing. Somehow he thinks that by testing for drugs on people in the workplace (as well as everyone who is arrested) he can control the Drugs problem.

You can’t put the lid back on. The problem with Drugs is that they are illegal. People, good people, friends of yours and ours, use them every day, and you know what? If they could buy them over the counter I think they’d be a lot happier. They’d be able to pay decent prices for their Bugle, and they wouldn’t be funding the black market.

I used to work in a place that had Compulsory Drug testing, so I’ve never taken Drugs. Not even once. It’s just a habit I got into. But I quite any time I like if that’s what I want to do. The reason was quite simple : working for the Forensic Science Service, the place that processed and tested every controlled substance confiscated in the UK, I, and everyone else, was subject to Compulsory Testing.

Not that it stopped bringing in Britain’s Biggest Ever Lump Of Hash and everyone getting very stoned in the whole building when they put it too near the Air Vents and it seeped into the rest of the building.

Compulsory Drug testing is never going to work : all it means is that people are going to scour the internet for – and find – “ClearTest” drugs that can negate the results and cheat the tests. No matter how foolproof they say its going to be, there’ll always be a way round it.

But here’s the rub. There are those who say if you haven’t done anything wrong then you have nothing to fear. The type of people who genuinely don’t mind constantly having their blood tested or their houses searched, because if they’ve got no drugs, they haven’t got anything to fear. Nothing at all. We should be glad they’re doing this because there are terrorists everywhere, drug traffickers everywhere, lurking under every bed, in every home, every street.

Compulsory Drug testing is the final refuge of Paranoid Britain. The Government should stop seeing the world with the eyes of paranoid distrust, and start to see this world with the eyes of love. The tighter they try to grasp at and control every second of our lives, the more we will wriggle away from them.

Just remember Tony Blair, if you have nothing to hide, and if you’ve done nothing wrong, you will have nothing to fear. I’m living without fear. I know you live in fear Tony : you have too many secrets, and too many sins.

© copyright Mark Reed, March 2004

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