Nuts
Nuts
Nuts.
Oh great. Another fucking lads mag. Another glossy Heat-style piece of vaccous braindead crap that thinks that Men are only ever interested in three things : boobs, beers, and football. And maybe a fight.
Gee. Thanks a lot.
Not only do Yorkie tells us that chocolate is Not For Girls, not only is every bloody billboard stuffed with flesh-tones and bras, but now this. A brand new, Weekly! Lads! Mag! Stuffed! Full! Of! Pictures! Of! Nudie! Girls! And! Football! Comic! Strips!
And there is probably lots of colour pictures of struggling low-level TV Soap Opera Girls in bras, some pictures of sharks with big teethies, gruesome deaths and amputations, Weasels Ate My Flesh, and some crap about football, shagging birds, and Pot Noodles. Whoodeefuckingwhoo.
Here�s an idea. Instead of calling It Nuts, why not call it Wanker?
Thanks Nuts. Thanks a lot. Thanks for being so damn stupid as to think all I�m interested in is flesh, fighting, and football. Thanks for thinking that there isn�t any more I�m interested in than self-gratification, selfishness, and stupidity. I won�t bother listening to music, watching movies, appreciating art, or using any muscle above my neck. I�ll just go off and buy a crappy comic whilst armwrestling a shark and poking a TV Soap Actress.
Nuts, don�t expect any sales on Thursday. See you at the DSS in six months time. Wankers.
� copyright Mark Reed, 1991-2004 except where indicated