The Domestic Terrorist : 2001

“MARIE CELESTE”

I thought the house was on fire.
You left in an instant
coffee cups unwashed
tea bags unmoved in the cupboard

I could never understand
what was there to understand?
and overnight
my life became the Marie Celeste

our home, became a house
our love, a memory
whilst everything sat in the same old place
everything sat neglected

even now as I pack my hopes
in small plastic boxes for
my new home
I wished for what we once held

in the meantime
your ornaments were left
abandoned candle holders
tampons bereft

I could not bear to archive
every inch of our palace
to remove every trace
of your existence

I moved out,
someone else moved in,
and left your things
for the binmen

It came too quick,
for one day
you reached the brink
and I reached alone
for without a reason
for you to give
you turned to others
to force me to ‘force’ you to leave

you confided in others
what should’ve been confided in me
I knew of no problems
everybody called us The Perfect Couple

you spent time with others
time you should’ve spent with me
you turned us from lovers
to undeclared enemies

whispered phone calls
whilst I worked
the ruin of three years
of love when I returned

early. I knew something was wrong
you would not let me talk to
whoever was on the other end
of the telephone

Was it the man you’d never met
the ghost from the Internet
to whom you ruined us
I was pushed

to the limit of reason
and when I became frustrated
you chose my reaction
as the reason

the next day you were gone
you forced me to this
as if we’d never been in love
I made mistakes

but none as big as creating an us
your parents packed your possessions
and gave you the parental home
I studied bills

budgeted that I could heat one room
eat once daily
there was no parental home
and only one income to fund

the roof over my head
I was restrained
and it did not make sense
for you to take our beauty away

so I was abandoned,
whilst you lived in pretence
I was never part of your life
I sat in the chair you used

ate from the same plates
slept on the same side of the same bed
where we made love
and I left each morning for work

It killed me to go to work
whilst the woman I waited
all my life to meet
waited at home for me

and then you left
I sat alone
my hopes and dreams fell
to pieces

I could not believe
in what did not make sense
just like a man to try to compute this
into reason and science

I used to feel like a superhero
who could conquer the world
I lost my everything
and I can’t even conquer the memory of a girl.

05-01-01

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