ATTACK OF THE JESUS-SCREAMERS

Late on a Wednesday night, on a Suburban train service that runs half-hourly out of London into the commuter towns, I boarded a normal, dull service that was to take me home.

It was late, and cold, and the train was, unsurprisingly, given British Rail, late as well. Not that that matters. When I boarded the train though, I was greeted with a sight that is more offensive to some of us than beggars, more offensive than street gangs, more offensive than anything else in the world.

An original, dyed-in-the-wool fanatic Manic Street Preacher.

No no, not someone from the band. But a mad stary eyed authentic Jesus-Screamer.

THE SOUND OF SILENCE

Christians are meant to be considerate, caring, thoughtful. Do Unto Others As You Would Be Done To.

So why would they break the fundamental tenements of their religion?

Why show their fellow men a complete lack of respect? Why shout and scream dogma at strangers and cover them in spittle? Why treat anyone who dares to ask them to behave in a Christian fashion to others as a leper, a target, an agent of Evil to be destroyed?

Because they�re not true Christians. They know the words, but not the meanings. They�re hypocrites. Fakers. Liars.

THE ONE, TRUE PATH

I want the ability to walk down the street without being persecuted. The ability to enjoy the privacy of my own thoughts and beliefs. The ability to live life my own way, without being accosted and verbally assaulted by religious fanatics who fervently believe � without any tangible proof � that they and only they are the Way, the Truth, the Life.

How damn arrogant to think that there is only one route to Heaven. Be it God, Buddha, Mohammed, whatever, they�re all just differing names for the same road. If there is such a thing as Salvation Alley.

Still, religion doesn�t like people who think for themselves. Just shut up, put up, and be a quiet, obedient slave. Follow the rules, follow the ten commandments. Show humility and servitude so you�re easier to rule.

THE CHRISTIAN WAY

Imagine a lifetime being yelled by someone who will just not shut up. Ever. It�s like being nagged by a really-bad-tempered mother. And that�s heaven for you.

Nope, its not for me. I thought heaven was were you got what you wanted. Peace and quiet. And cheeryade on tap.

Personally, I hold my beliefs, political and religious (or not), very very strongly. No-one can dissuade me. Call me stubborn if you like, but I�ve looked at the available evidence and made my own conclusions based upon my beliefs.

And I respect your right to disagree with me. You�re wrong, and you don�t know it, nor are you clever enough to see it � but far be it for me to try to convince you otherwise. I respect you enough to allow you the luxury of your own ignorance.

It�s not my business to try and convince you to change your beliefs. I only want everyone to allow me to respect mine quietly and without harassment.

Besides, these Jesus-screamers have had their say long enough and seem to refuse to listen to anyone else. Now its my turn to have a voice.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Firstly the complete and absolute lack of respect to allow other people to believe what they want to believe. Those quietophobics. Those noiseaholics.

God nuts, Preachers, whatever you want to call them, are not a good advertisement for God. The lack of consideration and respect they show for others by ceaselessly invading the privacy of others and polluting the air is hardly the act of someone who follows the ten Commandmants. Do Unto Others As You Would Be Done To.

So do me favour. If you�re religious and you know it, Shut up. Because I�m somewhat of an agnostic. But you don�t hear me pronouncing it through megaphones. You don�t hear me insulting passersby. You don�t hear me shouting at strangers trying to convince them to join my little tribe.

Or as Aretha Franklin says� �R.E.S.P.E.C.T. � You know what it means to me.� Consideration for others. Thoughtfulness. All good, Christian traits. Unless you�re a preacher. Where yelling at strangers through a megaphone is a good Christian trait.

In fact I was followed down the street by a Jesus-Screamer yesterday. It�s odd. I was stalked by God. Accosting people you�ve met and screaming at them �Are you a sinner or a winner?� is a sign of virtue, meekness, and traditional, kind behaviour. Lead by example.

If you want to annoy and insult the unconverted, then by all means, scream yourself hoarse reciting inflexible dogma at people you�ve never met. But you�ll always do it on your own. Like Jesus in the wilderness, you face this ordeal on your own. Because I�ve never seen a Jesus-screamer out with any of his friends.

THE LAST SUPPER

The meek shall inherit shit.

What insufferable, dogmatic, stubborn bores.

Is not God kind, just and tolerant of others? Apparently not. According to Luke the Street Preacher, we�re all just heathens, sinners, evil wicked people who are going to burn forever in the pits of an unproven hell just for thinking something slightly different.

So these people, out of the good of their demented hearts, are trying to convert us to believe in something that, as far as all scientific efforts can show, does not exist.

Well that�s all well and good, but can�t they just be a little Christian, show a little respect, a little compassion, and shut up?

SPAWN OF THE DEVIL

In their stupid, little, piggy god-bothered eyes. Questions are blasphemy. And dissent is evil.

Anyone who just wants to enjoy the beauty of God�s earth in silence is, in the eyes of these people, just plain evil. The work of Satan himself. The antithesis of all that is virtuous, all that is good, all that is forgiving.

And all we want is not to be shouted at in public. Not to be covered in the spittle of dogmatic, unthinking converts. People who need to believe in something so much that anything will do to try and make some sense, some form of narrative of their lives, that anything, anything, will do.

So if you dare, dare ask them to just � you know, turn the volume down slightly, prepare to be met by hordes of trumpets, hallelujahs, and the amassed fury of the righteous.

For everything you say will be met by stupid, ignorant ranting. By mindless recitations of dogma. By screaming of people who can�t understand or reason, because they believe, and is not faith, belief, stronger � or stupider � than any logic?

NIETZSCHE IS DEAD

These people are poor adverts for God. Join us they say, or die. Spend the rest of life ranting dogma at strangers on public transport, or burn. Show your fellow man absolutely no respect whatsoever and verbally assault him at all opportunities, or be cast into the pit of Satan (who may or may not exist) forever.

I don�t know about you. But I don�t want to spend an eternity with unthinking bores who never ever shut up. Who constantly rant and rave about the Father, the Son, The Holy Ghost, or as Sci-Fi writers might have it the Thing With Three Souls.

I�d rather be somewhere else for the rest of my afterlife if I had any say in the matter.

And forgive me. For I know not what I do. But I know that I show far more respect for others than the Jesus-Screamers.

And doesn�t that make me, well, far more Christian?

Religion isn�t about what you believe. It�s about what you do. And I walk a far more virtuous, considerate path than the Jesus-Screamers. I don�t scream and yell dogma at passers by. I don�t cover others in spittle. I don�t treat others are swine needing redemption. I treat others with respect, and treat them the way I want to be treated. Do Unto Others as They Would Do Unto You.

If you don�t like what I�m saying, be a true Christian instead of a spittle-dribbling loon. Forgive me.