FEAR AND LOAFING

Not in a rude way, nor an ignorant one, but more in an honest way. If someone�s talking shit, I reserve the right to tell them that. Sure, some people might say that that�s arrogant, but I don�t think so really. I think that really it�s about levelling.

Some people really don�t have a problem yabbering on ignorantly about whatever they think, possessed by a sole belief that they and only they are absolutely, categorically right. Now, some people could say that about me, but I�m not really like that. I voice my opinions, but that�s all they are. They�re by no means the final word on any subject. I may even change my mind and refute everything at some point in the future. I�ll deny everything : or I might confess everything, depending on how many volts you put through me.

But I�m fed up of biting my tongue whilst other people take the piss all around me. So I decided simply to start telling the truth and consequences be damned. Sure. I�ll still bite my tongue occasionally. I�ll still consider what I�m saying but I will be less fearful.

I used to live in fear : I used to fear the worst that could happen. But being divorced teaches you that fear is useless. When you get divorced you consider the worst that could happen to you : and it already has. You could lose everything. You could lose the person you love, your home, your future. And almost all of your money and a lot of your possessions.

I did. And so : I fear, but these days I fear little. Because whatever happens, either I will survive or I will not. It is not if you win or lose, but how you play that matters. Die on your knees, or on your feet. Or in the bathroom like Elvis.

Of course, all human beings, no matter who, always suffer from the Fear Factor - the fear that somehow they might be wrong. But fuck it, life�s too short. There�s too much petty, tiny politics and too much hypocrisy. Too many lies and too much bullshit. I�m going to live without it.

So I don�t give a fuck what you think. Sure, I�ll listen to you, and I�ll be polite to you, but I won�t appease you, or try to get on your good side. Take me as you find me. If you don�t like me � well, I don�t need your approval. But your money would be nice so I can go loafing and finish the Great British Novel I�ve been working on since the day I learnt to write in Crayon.

Just so you know. I�m not being rude or arrogant. I just don�t have time for bullshit, or lies, or infighting, or petty personal politics. Life�s too short.