FEAR AND LOAFING : DISPLACEMENT ACTIVITY

Imagine the things you’d much rather avoid. Doing the washing up. Tidying up. Alphabeticising several years of CD’s. Revision. The art of displacement is to prioritise these chores, to choose which ones you dislike the least, and do them instead of the things you dislike more.

Got it? Sounds complicated, but it isn’t. It’s the art of productive loafing. It’s the art of doing stuff to avoid doing the nasty stuff. And everything’s game. Everything from hardcore revision for your final Master’s exams, to a dab of ironing. Anything, anything, becomes more important than the incredibly important thing you’re putting off.

Sometimes we’d rather iron our shirts or vacuum than save the world. You know, saving the world, is just like, so much of a drag, and it’s easier just to stick the TV on, re-read a book, or just, you know catch up on your sleep. Besides, doing something important is so much effort.

Loafing is a displacement activity. Sleeping is a displacement activity. In the right hands, everything is a displacement activity. It just depends what you’re trying to avoid in the first place. If you’re trying to avoid the washing up, revision becomes actually quite attractive. And if you’re trying to avoid revision, the washing up becomes a compelling, evil black hole at the centre of your life, sucking you in. Closer and closer, inexorably, and you can’t avoid it. You’ve got to feed your addiction.

Dammit. There’s washing up to do and I’ve got to colour code all my CD’s so the spines look like a mosaic of the Mona Lisa. I can do it. But I need to buy more CD’s first, because I haven’t got her smile quite right. Yet.

Recently, I’ve been sitting my finals for my Masters. Extremely dull stuff, and I actually wanted to do it. Well, I want the letters after my name. And the money, if there is any. And I never want to sit any exams ever again, so what better thing to do than get it over with?

THE A-Z OF DISPLACEMENT ACTIVITY

Alphabeticising the CD collection.
Brooming.
Cleaning the Bathroom.
Dusting.
Examining my fingernails.
Fixing that wonky shelf.
Going to the Shops.
Helping old ladies cross the road.
Ironing.
Jogging.
Killing time.
Looking on Ebay for things you’ll never buy.
Making phone calls.
Noticing potential escapes routes for bank robbers in your neighbourhood. And planning Grand Theft Auto : Clapham when you go for a drive.
Online shopping.
Pointing my browser to Hotmail.
Querying when exactly there is going to be World Peace.
Revising.
Shampooing my hair.
Testing the batteries in my remote controls.
Undressing, mentally, every woman who walks outside the window.
Viewing Easter Eggs on my DVD’s.
Washing Up.
X. X is tricky. There are no verbs starting with an X . Well, except Xeroxing. You could Xerox your revision notes for your exam.
Yawning competitions.
Zen Buddhism.

Except I didn’t want to do it at all. Anything, everything seemed fascinating. It’s an integral part of the exam process to put it off, to avoid it, to try to do anything else. I normally schedule in at least two to three days of Displacement Activity in any exam schedule. The last major rung of exams I had I decided to build a website instead of revision.

And I still passed the exams. Even my displacement activity worked as a revision method. Not that I’m complaining of course, because the fewer exams I have to sit, the better. But I still wish that my displacement activity was more successful, because nobody likes to be a failure at anything. Even if the thing you want to succeed at is failing.

I think.

WELCOME TO THE MATRIX

Exams are good. The washing up gets done. Books get alphabeticised. Compilation CD’s get made. Hair gets washed, shaved, cut, cupboards get tidy. Everything you’ve been putting off gets done.

There is nothing as good for domestic bliss as a set of exams. There’s nothing wrong with Displacement Activity, just so long as the thing you’ve got to do, that you don’t want to do, gets done, eventually.

See, even this is a Displacement Activity in itself. Whatever it is I’ve got to do, I’m putting it off now. I’m doing a pretty good job, fooling myself that I’m being productive where I’m actually just loafing in a constructive fashion. It’s great. Displacement activity is my new drug. I can’t quit. And this is the proof – I can now go and upload this on my website, wasting even more time, and put off my revision. Which is good, because I know it’s got to be done sometime. Just not now. I’ve got some washing up to do.