The Domestic Terrorist - I'm A Celebrity .. Get Me On TV!!!

I'm A Celebrity.... Get Me On TV!

I’ve never even watched a second of... “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!�. Life’s too short. But I think the programme is a good thing. I don’t know why. I hate the very concept of it. People degrading themselves and eating insects for a paltry reward and being broadcast on multinational television.

Right from the opening declaration - that somehow Celebrities deserve to be treated better than anyone else in the world, whilst living in a world of extreme prosperity and comfort - the programme is vile, exploitative of the nepotistic desire for fame and adoration at any cost, and long long long overdue.

Personally the thought of talent nobodies like the erm, reality-challenged Darren Day , and the vacuous drug hoover Tara-Palmer-Tomkinson-Smyth-Charlie-Nose-Drughead-Bimbo, being forced to sleep rough, covered in insects, or eat food straight from the dirt give me the Hard-On Of Infinite Justice. In a good way. It’s about time people whose ambition is greater than their talent got their just desserts.

There’s too many people who want to be famous just for the fame, the adoration, the cash. What is it in these people, what gene do they lack that drives them to seek the approval and cheers of a mass of strangers? (apart from common sense). Money, fame, endless travel and sex - isn’t it enough?

In the future, everyone will be famous for just 15 short minutes. And our 15 minutes come at a price. Degradation, humiliation, and cash rewards. Though hopefully only for the kind of empty souls who have such low self-esteem they need to fill it with the applause and approval of others. The kind of people for who being famous - and not what they do to become famous - is the end and the means.

Actors act. Musicians play. Writers write. And what do Celebrities do? They celebrate. They celebrate the fact that somehow, despite - or perhaps because of - a lack of any discernable talent they’ve made the big time over the rest of us poor meaningless little people. What cunts. They deserve to have a bit more reality and a little less celebrity in their lives.

It’s only a shame that talentless, racist cretins like Bernard Manning, Jim Davidson and Dame Edna Everage haven’t yet been on the programme. I’m all in favour of a programme like that, whereby the public get to vote which annoying celebrities they get to torture - and how. Ronnie Corbett stuck in that annoying chair sniggering away, strapped down and forced to watch his own monologues for days on end whilst doctors feed him eyedrops and play Ludwig Van in the background.

But there’s another, more sinister undertone than watching empty-headed coke hoovers and substance abusers get a harsh dose of reality before they turn back to fluffy millionaireland. The message of programmes like this are very very clear : It’s a dog-eat-dog world. You’ve got to lie, to cheat, to steal and debase other people to survive. It’s the law of capitalism. And we’ll reward you for competing against your fiends, for lying, cheating, stealing and degrading yourself for a quick shot of screentime and paparazzi.

“Liar Liar�, (now showing on BBC 2) rewards convincing liars with £10,000 in cash if they can fool a studio audience. So your licence payers money goes on rewarding immoral behaviour ...

It might only be matter of time before Channel 5 start showing “Killer, Killer�, in which a string of acquitted murderers (and one lucky actual convict) try to tell their story and convince the public that yes, they are the real murderer for a cash reward. Wonder if Rose West will be on it? Or those businessmen who murder hundreds a year whilst cutting corners in their Health & Safety programmes to appease the shareholders?

Of course, Programmers might say that whatever gets the ratings is important. After all, viewers aren’t being sold programmes. Advertisers are being sold our time as viewers of their adverts. So programmers ultimately don’t care what’s show as long as the advertising revenue rolls in. That’s all we are - potential customers.

And like the Liars, they too are rewarded for deceiving the public.

In the meantime, Uri Geller has decided not to use his world-famous spoon-bending skills as to do would be ‘unethical�. Though quite where any of these programmes appears to be ethical has eluded me. It’s a ceaseless stream of humiliations and debasements of human beings - celebrities or not for the amusement of others.

And surely doesn’t part of mankind’s supposedly civilised traits include treating other people with dignity? honesty? integrity? anything?

Obviously not. Now sit down, shut up, watch the stupid little screen and take hints. You too can get ahead in life. You too can lie and cheat and steal. You too will be rewarded for treating everyone around you like shit. Tune in to the wonders of capitalism.

I won’t be watching. I’ll be doing something more interesting like reading a book.

Unless of course, Jim Davidson’s on. I’d quite like to see him have insects poured over him by the ‘darkies and the wogs�
Viva La Revolution! : A new game show coming tonight on Channel 5.

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